#but i genuinely don't care about problematic content as long as it's presented in an engaging way

[soartfullydone]

When did you go from loving Feysand and ACOMAF to hating everything after ACOTAR? I'm genuinely curious

Thanks for your question!

It was sometime after I had finished ACOMAF, maybe about midway through ACOWAR when I fully realized my feelings and acknowledged them.

I read ACOMAF in two days, which is wicked fast for any reading experience. So I was riding the highs the book was giving me without fully thinking them through. I remember being so excited that the characters I was shipping in book 1, Feyre and Rhysand, were actually becoming a real thing that I was ignoring all the things wrong with it. (Note: I shipped and enjoyed Feyre and Tamlin in the first book, too, along with Nesta and Lucien. It's not hard for me to ship things if I think it could be fun.) When I finished the book, I sat there, thinking over everything and kept asking myself, "They're together. So why am I so... unsatisfied?"

I didn't have these answers until ACOWAR, when Feyre was being so vengeful against a whole court because of her hatred for one person and treated Lucien like a toy after what he did for her UtM. When Feysand attended the war meeting with the other High Lords, a scene I had been waiting for for a loooong time in excitement, and it was like watching a middle school production of Mean Girls. Everything was so much... cheaper and poorly written than I wanted it to be. And SJM ripped off the Troy line: "The sun was shining when your wife left you." I came completely out of it at that moment because it felt like I was reading someone's OOC fanfiction, but nope. This was penned by the author in utter seriousness.

But subconsciously, the moment I began to hate ACOMAF, Feysand, the Night Court, the whole thing wasn't because of the sacrifice to Tamlin and Lucien's characters or even Feysand's characters. It wasn't the retconning and over-reliance on sexism and empty girl power as "themes." It was when SJM used Rhysand to say with her whole chest that the Night Court isn't actually a court that lives in perpetual night because he can't control the arc of the sun. That their nights are just somehow better than everyone else's, and I remember being so... disappointed by that. How weak sauce. How unimaginative. Because she has him say this, while fully ignoring that the Spring, Summer, Autumn, and Winter courts each maintain their respective seasons despite the tilt of the earth. If they can maintain their court state because of ~magical reasons, why couldn't the Night, Dawn, and Day courts do the same?

I know it sounds like a small thing, but it is a perfect example of SJM's laziness as a writer but also a failure of characterization and world-building, which are all problems that plague the series from the second book on. And the fans wouldn't be dealing with so many of these problems were it not for that second book. ACOTAR sparked my imagination in incredible ways because of how full of possibility it was, not just for Feysand but for all characters and the world. ACOMAF killed that imagination because everything was flattened down and compressed into Feysand and Velaris, which were... boring.

It snowballed from there.

I hated how the Suriel's prophecy was changed from Feyre needing to stay with Tamlin to avoid UtM from happening to Feyre staying with Rhysand to... ??? Because the narrative impact just isn't there like it is for the first book. I hated how the Children of the Blessed became nothing. I hated how Calanmai, one of the few things in the book that made these characters fae-like, became irrelevant. I hated how Rhysand went from being a frightening and formidable villain whose motives you couldn’t quite read to being an uwu soft boi who’d been secretly in love with Feyre the whole time. I hated how the story went from Rhysand doing truly heinous shit (twisting the bone in Feyre’s arm, the body paint, the forced kiss) to suddenly Doing No Wrong (except sssh, he is, we’re just never going to address it as wrong ever. Quick, brush it under the rug, it never happened). 

I hated that it felt like I was reading about 15-year-old elves, and not at least the badly-behaving Silmarillion kind. I hated that Amarantha and Hybern had agents secretly infiltrate every court, and then that information totally vanished. I hated how humans didn't matter. I hated how "be glad of your human heart, Feyre" became utterly meaningless because Feyre became indistinguishable from Rhys and his Inner Circle. And to date, I hate the 500+ pages of trauma dumping for a measly 100 pages of action, if you’re lucky. I hate how none of the characters do what would actually be in character for them, but instead do what SJM wants them to do.

That's simply not engaging writing to me and why I walked away.

[rpbetter]

"writes dubcon therefore is a freak who should be bullied off the site" ho boy i'm fed up with people acting as if consenting adults writing [insert "problematic" fictional thing here] is the worst thing in the world. seen way too many people justifying harrassment of REAL PEOPLE by "they write thing that triggers me". ok, and? mute the tags or don't follow! "it triggers someone" is not a valid reason to ban a topic. piano music triggers me yet i don't go around demanding everyone stop playing the piano.

Anon, not only is everything you said absolutely valid, but also, thank you for demonstrating that triggers are incredibly varied and as such, we cannot predict everyone's triggers. Making the entire "point" of banning for possible triggers invalidated as hell.

We should be aware of things like the most commonly occurring phobias (things like arachnophobia and coulrophobia that are, additionally, easily triggered by imagery) and tag them. We should be aware of very obvious triggers, that are, again, easily set off by imagery, like blood, eye trauma, and depictions of domestic violence. And we should always read and be aware of our writing partners' stated triggers so that we can tag them appropriately or even decide that it isn't going to work because our muse, canon story, or interests are going to present an unfair situation in this partnership.

But triggers can be highly unusual, as well as activated differently (even at different times) for everyone. I'm not triggered by seeing hotel rooms in pictures or movies, I'm not triggered by writing scenes that take place in them, but I'm triggered to some degree by being in one. It's outrageous oversimplification to act like all triggers are the same, they all display the same way, they're all going to trigger someone on the same basis, everyone's going to react the same to their triggers. There is absolutely no way to prevent 100% of possible triggers for 100% of the population, 100% of the time.

Add to this that way too many people trivialize triggers by throwing around that term to justify the banning of something that makes them uncomfortable or that they take a personal, moral issue with. "I don't like this" and "I'm grossed out by this" and "this makes me feel uncomfortable" is not being triggered. It's just a good way to weaponize the better nature of other people so that they comply.

Most people legitimately do not want to trigger someone, especially if they have triggers and know what it's like. Just like no one wants to be accused of cruelty towards trauma survivors in general, or be designated a pedo, rape apologist, or fascist. They're all things to weaponize in order to isolate, shame, and control. And that's really fucking gross. These are serious, real things that have no business being trivialized to police content, win internet arguments, or garner popularity.

The potential for someone to be triggered isn't a reason to ban anything; we have tags, we have blacklist.

While I'll be the first to say that tumblr's blacklisting can be as shitty as everything else on the site, the primary issue with running into content you don't want to see comes down to two factors: no one tagging/tagging correctly and actively exposing yourself to that content. Going through people's properly done tags and blog warnings about their content in order to "call it out" is actively exposing yourself by choice. You actual walnuts.

Calling people on on their "problematic" content is bringing those topics to the attention of other people. That's the whole point of this gross behavior: look at the freak pedo abuse apologist I found, they write dubcon!! Don't look if you'll be triggered uwu

Buddy, pal, my guy...you just put that on blast for anyone to run across. Maybe their blacklist catches those words in your callout post, maybe it doesn't. Maybe they think you're a safe space because you promote yourself that way, so they click it anyway. Point is, you just willfully and irresponsibly exposed people because it's more important to you to demonize a rando on tumblr RPing something you take issue with. Good job!

Furthermore, dubcon itself is such a hilarious issue to take. Do they realize that isn't always sexual, or? Not? I'm thinking not. Funnily enough, one of the oldest posts I've been working on for this blog is about exactly this topic, the myriad situations that are dubious consent. That doesn't have to be sexual, and neither does it have to be intentionally predatory. You can come up with some amazing character development with a lot of muses in the RPC with dubcon because almost everyone's muse has some manner of trauma that might negate their perception of their own consent...and what do you do then? Is it removing more agency from that muse to shut them down, or is that always the better option? Can you separate your opinion as the mun from your muse's natural reactions? How does this impact the muses involved not just that moment but the next year?

Point is, dubcon isn't always some rapey situation. Even if it was, even if someone is writing it that way, it's literally not your business or your problem.

There's one mutual-in-law on my RP blog that really bothers me. They write things that I find fetishizing, incredibly rapey, all around shit that bothers me. I don't want to see it, some of the things they write makes my damn skin crawl. This person doesn't know it, we certainly don't speak and I don't think they like me very much, but I've repeatedly defended their right, specifically their right as a person with some long-term callouts on them, to write what they want to. I have them blocked and their urls blacklisted so I never have to see my mutual reblogging their threads. It's not a problem because I don't click "show anyway." Why would I, if it genuinely bothers me so much?

That's how you handle things that bother you; you use the tools available to not interact even by accident. Not by launching a morality crusade.

If any of us want to write what we enjoy, we have to allow others that same freedom. It's always a matter of time before this policing grows to include more and more topics, it's been used multiple times to get well-meaning people who don't fall into the general demographics to police queer, BIPOC, and other marginalized groups off of platforms. We've been fortunate in most of the RPC that it implodes on itself before it gets all the way there, but even so, you can see it.

It starts with things that produce a visceral reaction in the great majority of people, positions this with a repeatedly condemned idea presented as solid fact that fiction is reality, and you've got the start of something awful. Today it's something you don't like, maybe even something that triggers you, so you either support it or you quietly allow it to happen. Who needs to write that "freak shit" anyway, can't they just be gross privately? Six months from now, it's something "problematic" that you enjoy like violence that's canon-typical for your muse, or your OTP because they're gay and that's fetishizing, they're cis male and female but one or both is bi and that's bad representation, or they canonically have a rocky relationship so that's romanticizing toxic/abusive relationships.

If you can't care for any other reason, you really should care about how it is going to impact you sooner or later. In an environment like this, you can stay in your space, put warnings on your blog, and tag properly and you're still going to get a callout if the wrong person finds your blog. Just takes a single person with more time, energy, and skewed ideas of justice than they have reading comprehension or common sense.

Again, I cannot encourage people enough to give warnings, but it's difficult to ignore why those warnings are slipping; they're a way to be found, designated as a Problem, and called out. Look, it's another reason why callouts actually make things worse, not better! People put that shit in their rules so you can avoid content, they're being responsible and interested in promoting a safe RPC. Let them do it, damn.

You can't tag everything, and if you've never experienced what a giant series of repetitive tags is like on a screenreader you probably should before you tag seven paragraphs of possible issues. You can tag for visuals, you can tag for the obvious things, and you can tag for what's in the rules you agreed to when you followed/followed back. But you should also warn people that you write "dark topics" on the tin, and expand on that in your rules for specific things like graphic violence, toxic relationships, dubon, and addiction.

That's how responsible adults, not over-aged children, make better decisions about their mental health and general comfort. Not by appointing themselves the watchdogs of the damn RPC, here to protect you whether you want to be or not, find that incredibly insulting or not when you're in one of their categories of people who must be protected, by forcibly banning Problematic Everything. Problematic, of course, being entirely in the eye of the content police.

It's fiction. No one and nothing real was harmed. It's great that you are so invested in the fictional world and people that make you happy, but take a fucking big step back into reality. The real people you're harming with your bullshit had every right to peaceably exist. If what they're writing is triggering to you, stay. away. from. it.

Without any coincidence whatsoever, that's how you get from the base-point of Problematic Material to Problematic Mun. Yeah, it's just fiction, it's just RP, but I also took something out of context OOC or was upset by their tone on their own blog or couldn't exercise the minimal adult logic to remove myself from their presence OOC as well. So, now, you've got OOC behavior being added to the callout, if it wasn't already. Everyone is now ableist, transphobic, racist, and a misogynist because it lends that visceral reaction to the callout and ups the game from just being "y'all so gross you aged up a cartoon character to ship" to "this is REAL and it won't be tolerated! OP is actually a pedophile, they told a sexual joke in a discord server with a minor present and I have the receipts!"

What are the most storied callouts in the entire RPC? I'm absolutely certain the same names came to mind no matter what fandoms you're in, and one of them was "Matt." Another was probably "Ares/Snow". They're all successful and keep being brought up out of the closet anytime people are bored enough because their primary punch is the mun themselves being a predatory threat to the community. The mun is verified to be a bad person. Well, of course, that's got to be repeated, it worked. (Even if it did not, at all, work and only made it harder for people to avoid any of these muns.)

Are there people in the RPC who are legitimately a problem? Absolutely, yes. We're all supposed to be adults, however. Part of being an adult is having and acting upon one's agency. If someone is coercing you into things you are not comfortable with, shut it down. If you have difficulties being certain of those situations, run it by a trusted, honest friend or available, impartial source in the RPC for a second opinion. If you can't handle any manner of confrontation, there really are situations in which it's perfectly alright to block someone without any discussion. It's just the internet, you're in control of your space. Own it.

Minors are a whole other can of fucked up worms I'm not even getting into right now except to say that because a minor exists in a space they were told to stay out of does not mean we ban all topics inappropriate for their consumption.

tl;dr: banning shit doesn't work anyway, the whole idea is predicated upon some incredibly problematic takes IRL, and no, there's no justification for it outside of intense personal problems with one's own importance. That energy would be infinitely better spent volunteering one's time to help real people in crisis or after surviving one, or even oneself in developing some healthier approaches and thought patterns.