rpbetter

[rpbetter]

Hey, I noticed that you haven't updated in a while, so I just wanted to say that I hope you're okay and doing well. 🫂

Hey! Thank you! I am not doing well, but I'm okay and doing better, that's what matters. Very much looking forward to being back, and I appreciate you dropping in to leave this! I hope you're doing well, Anon <3

[rpbetter]

This blog went belly up when the drama stopped LOL I am glad you've moved on to other more constructive hobbies. No sarcasm.

The drama didn't stop...I've been quite sick, which is neither constructive nor a hobby, no matter how often it happens. Because this is the tumblr rpc, where people imply that a hobby another person enjoys is not constructive prior to stating that there is no sarcasm meant as though that is friendly, I believe you did mean it that way. However, you might want to work on why that's not as pleasant and caring as you might believe it is. And, in the event that you meant it sans sarcasm but with shittiness, work on the sarcasm instead.

[rpbetter]

Hey everyone!

Just dropping in to let you all know that I am receiving the messages sent and not ignoring anyone. The holidays had me quite busy, and I've not been very well recently. I'm working on getting several done to release in the queue, and hope to do so this coming weekend! There should also be an announcement that I hope you'll all find helpful.

As always, thank you all for your patience, support, and being part of the RPC!

[rpbetter]

Hi ! Do you think it's a bad idea to make a page that runs down my limits with dark content, what I will and will not write, and under what circumstances? If it can be done, how should I go about it to get the least amount of muns on my case? Thank-you!!

I don't think this is a bad idea at all, I think it's the reverse of listing what dark content absolutely does or is very likely to appear on a blog. For some muns, neither is a situation that's going to come up so often, or be any issue for them, that listing what one is likely to encounter on their blog or what they won't engage with doesn't need to be that serious. Those muns can simply say something as to the effect that they won't write serious violence or sexual assault or cheating plots. That doesn't work for everyone. If you have a great deal of things you wish to not write or there are many variables that can change how/when you will write a topic, I think you should state it.

Again, this is just the other side of being open to many or all types of dark content, and I feel that what is beneficial to do in one situation is applicable to the other. For example, if you do write darker content, or will be reblogging a lot of it, you shouldn't leave that as the only warning. It's perfectly fine to give an overall warning in the blog description that "dark/triggering content" will be on your blog, but you need to be a bit more specific in your rules to help others gauge whether it is right for them to be mutuals and/or writing partners because "dark content" is both a matter of opinion and can have a huge range of topics. So, the reverse holds true; if you have hard limits, you don't want to just say you won't write dark content when out of ten topics commonly attributed to that, you love four and might write three under the right conditions. You want to attract the RPers you'll work out with best, this gives those who are highly interested in those topics the awareness that they won't be doing so with you and those who are on the page as you the awareness that they are.

In this hobby, you have to match up and interact with other people to pursue the hobby. Specifics are good, they're not demanding or an attempt to weirdly micromanage other RPers unless that's the attitude they're written with. They're just outlining expectations, wants, and interests for informed decisions on both ends. This can, if allowed, not only lessen disappointment and frustration for everyone, it also can go a long way toward muns not unintentionally running into topics, and even personalities, that they find upsetting. The act of giving enough specifics can even lessen anxiety for others! In this case, they're no longer trying to guess what you, specifically, mean by "dark content" and what filtering they may need to use, or if they should simply not follow.

Now, unfortunately, you are always going to have people that take an issue with what you're doing. Someone is always going to see these specifics and feel like you're either passing judgment on them for wanting to write what you don't or that you're, please don't even ask me how, forcing them to write the way you do. Someone else is going to see that with dark topic x you'll write it under the condition of y, and decide that you're an awful person for that. All you can do is realize that much of this depends on tone and word use, but you cannot please those who want to be pressed about something, so, do it for both yourself and those you'll interact with that it'll benefit. Those people and yourself are who matter! Just do your best.

It's perfectly alright to not be comfortable with any manner of content, I don't care if it's the most disturbing dark content or tooth-rotting fluff. It's perfectly alright to only be comfortable or interested in things in select situations. You only need to make it clear that you're not being hostile to those who do enjoy the dark content you do not. At the beginning of your breakdown of your limits, preface with phrases such as, "for my comfort." This is about you, your comfort, your blog, your writing, your muse! Politely remind others that this is your choice based on your needs and interests, it hasn't anything to do with them beyond making them aware of what you will and will not write with them.

Do not use charged, opinion-based descriptors. If you do that, you are making it about them, you are passing judgment on them. Keep it simple and inoffensive! A simple "I am only willing to write x with heavy plotting, discussion, and comfort OOC with the other mun" is great, it outlines what to expect while telling those who are only into x that if they come to your blog expecting it, demanding it, or trying to slip it into a thread, you won't be going for that - there are requirements you have for doing so. It's not necessary to go off with, "since I'm not a nasty ass proshipper, I won't write x, so don't be a freak."

I know it is tempting in order to try to escape criticism and hope those willing to be hateful to you about it will have mercy if you give a detailed reason as to why you will/won't write something, but don't. Those people are just looking for an excuse to be shitty to someone, they don't care that you experienced trauma. All you do by putting that down is sharing something personal that no one but those close to you that you feel like sharing with have a right to, while rewarding the hateful people in this community who demand others expose myriad things about themselves to be excused from (some, not even all) harassment. You do not need credentials of any sort to write or not write a topic, saying that it is for your comfort, enjoyment, or cultivation of experience is enough.

After that, simply give your list. You can break it down so that it is an easier, quicker read by doing something like...

Will not write under any circumstances: - your list here -

Will write under some circumstances: -topic, circumstances -topic, circumstances -what will preclude this topic entirely for you, if you want

Will only write sparingly with select muns/after heavy discussion/after established OOC: -your list here-

Then, do the same for what you will write.

As I mentioned above, if you feel like you are going to write any dark topics frequently, if they are an important part of your muse's story/backstory, etc., it's a good choice to mention this. Let others know that this is something they should expect to encounter when writing with you, and in what way. For instance, a traumatic experience in your muse's life has helped shape who they are, your writing partners can expect this to come up in nightmares, flashbacks, avoidance of things they find triggering, and/or revealing this to another muse eventually. By laying this out for the mun, they know before they get a reply back in which your muse has a nightmare that vividly recounts the traumatic event that they need to not encounter in such detail.

You should, of course, opt to not write with someone who has whatever topic as something they need to avoid all occurrence of. In other cases where you feel this might be sensitive for them, discuss before writing, and have the warning available so new mutuals will know before they follow. Having these differences does not always mean you either cannot interact or must ignore an important factor for your muse, it can also mean being willing to use a great deal of tact and implication instead of bluntness when it needs to come up. If everyone is being open and clear about what they need and expect, it's easier to have conversations to work things out as well as all the other benefits!

Again, someone out there is going to not like it, if it wasn't this, it'd just be something else. I think you know that, though! I'm getting that from you saying, "go about it to get the least amount of muns on my case..." as that implies, to me, that you're approaching this from a mature standpoint. It is never ideal to know your community is full of assholes, but when you have this mindset, you are embracing the healthiest option for enjoying yourself, controlling what you can control, and letting the rest be what it is. Being realistic about this means you can do what's right for yourself and those who aren't trying to find fulfillment in their lives by harassing folks.

Reasonable people are only offended if you're being offensive by telling them what to do or turning things into a moral issue that paints them as bad people IRL. Unfortunately, because of the excess of muns trying to police others, there is heightened sensitivity anymore. Just exercise reason and sensitivity by leaving any negative opinions about those writing what you find unappealing out of it. Keep it about what you need, will do, and will not do. You don't owe anyone here explanations about what you write, you have the right to do or not do whatever you please in writing simply because it pleases you to do so. Try not to get preemptively defensive or attempt to justify or excuse your choices. Don't label anyone. Keep it all organized, up to date, and make sure its location is easy to navigate to by linking to it directly, or in the case of placing it within your rules, letting people know that details on what you consider "dark content" and what you'll write regarding it are found in the rules.

I think this is a great idea, and that all you have to do to keep the maximum amount of people (and certainly, any that you might be wanting to write with) from taking issue is to give them nothing to take issue with. You already know that some muns will find such things where they do not exist, but you also know that you can't do anything about such people. You've got all the right inclinations, I think you've got this!

[rpbetter]

New Year's Meme

Divided into three parts - themed questions pertaining to the muse, prompts/starters, and a mun section. Remember to specify a muse for multimuse blogs, follow the rules of the blog you're sending to, and if someone has many verses, you can specify a verse as well! -Emoji meme section comes with alternative to send in lieu of emoji, send +R to reverse action where applicable. -contains references to alcohol and drugs, and sexual language and suggestive material -RPB is a 18+ to interact blog, that includes reblogging/meme use.

I Questions for the Muse

can be answered OOC or used creatively as a prompt or starter

• What are the muse's thoughts on New Year's Resolutions? Do they have any this year, have they in the past?

• It's New Year's Eve, where's your muse? Are they where they want to be/doing what they'd like to be?

• Best and Worst NYE experiences.

• Fan of the Kiss at Midnight thing or not? Do they have someone they either plan to do this with or someone they wish they could do this with?

• Do they have any unique traditions they've gotten from their family/friends/culture or that they've developed independently?

• How do they usually celebrate, if they do? Stay in, small parties, big parties, go out, celebrate in the streets?

• What are their feelings about drinking and/or doing drugs for NYE? Bad way to start off a new year, fitting in as much as possible, they'd never do or overindulge in either/both and tonight's no different, they party like this all the time?

• How likely is it that they'd end up having at least one sexual encounter over the course of the night?

• New Year's Day, how do they wake up?

II Prompts & Starters

Send...

🕛 - (midnight) - It's one minute until midnight, our muses both seem to be at the party without a partner and are awkwardly close to each other. Definitely close enough to be each other's spur-of-the-moment New Year's kiss.

🍾 - (pop) - sender's muse is opening a bottle of champagne a bit too enthusiastically, receiver's muse ends up sprayed.

🍸 - (lonely) - our muses are at the same upscale party on NYE, receiver's muse has noticed sender's muse uncomfortably alone all evening and has joined them with a fresh cocktail to break the ice

🤩 - (starstruck) - sender's muse is a celebrity (actor/musician etc) that receiver's muse is a fan of, they've just realized sender's muse is at the same party trying to remain anonymous for the evening

Say...

"Kind of ironic isn't it? Smoking on the fire escape."

"My New Year's resolution is giving up bad pick-up lines. It isn't midnight yet, so...I'm pretty sure the fireworks are going to suck, wanna go make some of our own?"

"Time is a social construct. It's literally just another day."

"Hey, uh...look, I don't know you, but I know we both don't seem to be having a good time here. I'm making a break for it if you want to come with me."

"I will give you a couple hundred bucks, a puppy, or both if you just act like we're making friends for an hour so my [friends/coworkers/family member] will stop acting like I'm gonna die of loneliness and bring down the party."

"My New Year’s resolution is to see my cup half-full, preferably with rum, vodka, or whiskey."

"I love when they drop the ball in Times Square. It’s a nice reminder of what I did all year."

"What's corn's favorite holiday? New Ears. Sorry, that was corny."

"You don't have to wait until midnight to see my balls dro-oh fuck. I am...so sorry and drunk, and thought you were someone else."

III Questions for the Mun

• What's one thing you like about New Year's Eve?

• Most unusual, interesting, or just the best experience you've had New Year's Eve or Day?

• Absolutely the worst experience you've had New Year's Eve or Day?

• How do you feel about New Year's traditions like making resolutions, kissing at midnight, or eating specific foods?

• Does your culture or region have particular foods that are eaten on New Year's Eve/Day for good luck?

• Are you doing something you're happy about this year, or would you rather be doing something else?

• What do you hope happens for the better in your life in the new year?

• Have you ever dressed up a pet for the holiday? Do you have pictures?

• For muns with children, do you have any special traditions you do with them or fun memories you can share?

• The thing you dislike the most about NYE is?

• Invitation to respond with at least one good memory or otherwise positive thing that happened to you this year in the RPC!

[rpbetter]

y’all are acting like 4 year olds over raven

And…this is in reference to? Are you feeling the need to so maturely and cryptically come into my inbox with this message because a) you are perturbed that one (1) person has written in, in months, to vent about being harassed, and was not even abrasive about it b) you’ve taken some inexplicable issue with my advice to someone who may have been Raven or may not have been, may have been genuinely submitting an ask or may have been merely trying to bait a hostile reaction to drama over, or c) against the better judgment you should have, you believe, for some reason, the incessant drama-mongering from Raven about being harassed by anyone and everyone they ever publicly started shit with, and that I’m the center of some qanon style cult-clique out to get them?

Just not clear on this, since every time they start this up again I have bizarre messages pertaining to them, I certainly can’t make educated guesses when I avoid them. Like a four year old, apparently. It would seem that, whatever your reason here is, you might want to consider the source before you start anonymously trying to elicit a reaction from folks who are quite busy enough in their own lanes and would like to remain in them. That tends to reflect poorly on one’s maturity. Or, you could use the time it takes to send things like this to me to send them your astute advisement.

Being this upset because some people had their mental health compromised is really ugly and feels quite a lot like a boomer telling someone with clinic depression that in their day, people were stronger than this, they dealt with it or stoically died. Being this upset because I risked my own followers losing trust and respect for me by forcing myself to take a suspicious message seriously and try for a shot at something more positive, no matter how thin the chance was, instead of devolving into the reaction desired, is baffling and smacks of the myopia found in genuine cliques. Being this upset because you continue to allow yourself to be had by someone with zero capacity to let go of the trouble they started is unfortunate, but is the fault of neither myself nor anyone else.

[rpbetter]

You don't understand; I am that Raven, though. 🥲

I genuinely do not even know how to take this. You have to understand that after everything that has happened, I'm not unreasonably suspicious, while I'm also neither willing nor able to find any explanation as to why someone would fake this or figure out whether you're forgetful, oblivious, or rather ballsy for this if it's legitimate. So, let's go with legitimate.

Listen, it's been a good day, it's Christmas Eve, even if that's not my personal belief system...I'm willing to treat this seriously and proceed in a kind manner, alright? Please, do not make me regret it, as this is an effort, your "one mistake" has caused me harassment, it caused friends harassment, I have watched and dealt with the fallout of this for months, and, frankly, you weren't exactly nice the first time I tried to help you. I'd appreciate it quite a lot if you could extend the same courtesy this time, this is, obviously, still a detriment to you. Maybe we can figure something out to start repairing the damage to everyone, yourself included.

Firstly, there are going to be people who are never going to forgive you, I cannot sufficiently explain the severity of negativity, to say the least, that your actions have caused. I know that may be difficult, but forgiveness is never a guarantee with anything we do wrong and are sorry for, and should never be the ultimate objective when making an effort to do better. We just have to realize that people have a right to be angry with us and never want anything to do with us again, and to let that reality be what it is. It's alright, so long as you're doing better, and while I, obviously, cannot promise you that the harassment will stop from the most determined parties, it will help ease a lot of it off otherwise and start putting meaningful distance between who you were when you did this and who you are becoming in learning from it. After a while, it becomes a cruel, moot point to keep actively trying to ruin someone when they've changed. This is one of my major problems with things like callouts, they give no one an opportunity to move on, on top of being wildly unnecessary among adults and in a community in which no one's real world impact is ever going to be significant enough to make such a thing pertinent.

Secondly, you actually do have to commit to making changes, to being better, and you need to demonstrate that in your actions, not only in saying you are sorry.

The way in which you are apologizing matters, it is part of the proof of your seriousness to doing better by others (and ultimately, by yourself as well). I told you once that because your actions affected so, so many people and because you had all of them blocked (if you will remember, that is why I, specifically, decided to engage with you as a more neutral party), apologizing only on a post on your blog wasn't cutting it. No one is seeing it, it hasn't the same reach as the wrong doings. It's also not very impactful when paired with both actions that continue the issue and statements that heavily imply your regret is based in suffering consequences, not in being truly sorry for what happened.

You've got to stop saying things that minimize all of this. Owning this, all of this, goes a long way. That's difficult, it doesn't feel very good, and it's ugly, but if you truly are sorry and wish to demonstrate that and move forward, it's necessary. Make a post and admit to everything that was done, own that these things were poor choices, and if you're going to explain why you made them, avoid turning the explanation into an excuse or statements that otherwise feel like backhanded apologies. You know the kind, we've all gotten them from someone! I'm sorry I hurt your feelings, but you made me angry. That sort of thing isn't an explanation, it's a backhanded apology. It is an excuse.

Here, I will demonstrate by genuinely apologizing to you and explaining something to you. When discussing your actions, I initially misgendered you. I made this mistake because, as I mentioned in the last response, I have known many other Ravens and every one of them went by female pronouns. My mind filled in blanks because I was tired, tired of this already, and was unusually careless in not double-checking a blog for preferred pronouns. It was an honestly innocent mistake that didn't warrant the harassment I received, but it was still a mistake made in carelessness, and one I know what it feels like to be on the receiving end of, no less. I should have been more careful, and now that I can speak to you directly, I want you to know I'm sorry for being careless like that and hope it didn't give you terrible feelings of dysphoria or anything. Not being done on purpose or without malicious intentions doesn't mean something is free of harm, after all. So, I'm sorry for that mistake, and I hope that knowing why/how it happened makes some difference. Since then, I have even politely corrected others who did not have the benefit of your information, no matter how nasty things have gotten, I haven't allowed anyone to misgender you intentionally or by accident.

See? There is a big difference in what I've said instead of either opting to ignore that it happened or simply saying that it was one mistake I apologized for that wasn't enough to stop harassment. If an apology is sincere, it needs to be said with sincerity and viewed by those it is directed toward.

You have a lot of blogs, and because the people you hurt either left or go out of their way to avoid you, the issue of directly approaching them is difficult...but not impossible. I have every blog anyone has ever told me you might be involved with blocked, but you contacted me. I'm not for subverting blocks for any reason, people have a right to avoid others, please don't do that to someone else. However, perhaps you could get a friend to send short, individually meaningful apologies to those who are still here, with the additional statement that they can find you at x blog. On that blog, make your pinned post a lengthier apology, be sure no one is blocked, have those you know with platforms of some reach reblog it so that it has a higher chance to be seen. You can literally create a blog specifically for this purpose.

I'm really serious, take some time to take stock of everyone you can think of who was in a callout, whose blogs went on hiatus, who was forced to quit tumblr, whose rules you drug around tumblr, and who your friends and followers harassed. Literally, anyone and everyone negatively affected by this. Then, be specific. "Blogname, I caused you to be harassed when I accused you of x, you have a right to write whatever content you enjoy, and you were doing everything right so that others could avoid or opt out of it. That was wrong and hateful of me, I realize now how terrible this was for you." "Blogname, I know now that by choosing to 'call out' something you said on your blog, I started up harassment for you and compromised your ability to interact in the RPC and feel safe. There was no excuse for what I did, no matter how in the right I felt at the time. You deserve to enjoy yourself and feel safe here."

And so on. All of these people expressed what they were going through, for many of them, all you have to do is go back to the months in which this was at its most severe and look at their posts, but if you can't find them, you can always take the initiative to try speaking with them or their friends about what they suffered. Unless they specifically state somewhere that they are outright triggered by the mere mention of you, then, leave them alone and apologize for doing something so terrible as to be an actual trigger for someone else. You can make reasonable assumptions as to the damage you caused, you know the things they were being told and accused of, and you can see many of them on this blog.

Yes, apologize in general, there's no way you're going to find everyone, and there was damage done to the RPC as a whole. Be honest and specific about that as well, like your actions involving COAR. Don't sugarcoat it, don't hide things, your admittance and honesty is very important. Apologize overall, but don't leave it there, you didn't leave it there when you were doing these things, the apology needs to be just as direct and determined.

Be honest about your expectations. You know exactly what it felt like to be on the receiving end of what you did now, it's okay to say that, but don't make this the basis of your apology. You're sorry because you're sorry, not because you've received similar shit in return, or you're not sorry at all. Express that being harassed has made it clearer to you how terrible this was, if that is true. When you passionately vilify people as you did, it can be difficult to see them as human beings who are experiencing terrible things until you get slapped by it in return. That doesn't make it right, not at all, but again, honesty. We all need to recognize we're people, being honest about experiences, fault, and flaws is humanizing...this might help people give you the benefit of empathy they were not given by you. But you need to tell them, too, that you're not expecting forgiveness or anything else, you just want the opportunity to apologize as part of doing better and growing as a person. That's all.

If you're already being harassed everywhere, you might as well offer a list of your blogs to demonstrate how serious you are. This is everywhere I am, so that those of you I have hurt can block me and feel safer. I wish I was exaggerating, but there are at least two muns out there I've ran into entirely on accident while looking for memes and such that are terrified of where you are. These people literally live in fear of not knowing where you are so they can avoid you, you didn't just cause them problems online, turning their safe space inside out sent them into mental health spirals. More people than have directly said it on their blogs were thus impacted, people had to be hospitalized, they lost progress with their mental illness battles. They deserve to feel safer again, and only you can do that for them. If you're sorry enough, if you're actually accepting guilt and interested in making amends.

Being better is often hard as hell, I'm not talking out of my ass here, I know it is. Some years ago, out in reality, I was kind of a fucking bastard, bluntly. It doesn't matter that much of it was due to untreated mental illness, social deficits, and defense mechanisms from trauma. I was still a shitty person sometimes, and it was not easy or painless for me to confront people I hurt, but it was the right thing to do because I was sorry for my actions. Some of them even forgave me, a few of them became very good friends, I only expected, since this was face-to-face, not to be slapped, though.

I know that when all of this happened, you were expressing some mental health concerns and that you are autistic. As I said at that time to you, me too, and several of the people you hurt as well. It's okay to explain yourself, these are relevant factors! Just, again, don't make excuses, remember the difference. I hope that you are in a better place now than you were then, it is so much easier to make horrific choices when our brains are against us. I meant what I said both above and to you previously, taking responsibility and genuinely trying to make amends is a benefit to you as well. It helps with the lifelong learning experience you've been saddled with being ND. You can better recognize in the future that this is a bad choice, it's easier to distance yourself from high emotions and think logically about how it really isn't your place to judge people like that, take action against them, or go without questioning that you might be misconstruing something you'll regret later. It's relieving, even if hard, to accept guilt and work on making things better! I know you keep saying things like it was just one mistake and so on, but you've got to feel even a tiny bit guilty, to keep wrapping this around somehow not being at fault, right? This helps. A lot.

Lastly, as a part of demonstratively being better, you seriously cannot do anything like this again. You're not sorry, let alone ever going to be trustworthy and welcome again, if you keep doing this. I don't know that it's true that you put another callout for me, I didn't see it, I look at blogs I'm sent to block just long enough to verify that they're a problem, then I block them. So, maybe that was bullshit, but because of the past behavior, I have to believe it's possible. Just like I have to believe it's possible you are still harassing, or encouraging/allowing people out there to be harassed. You have got to stop that shit right along with excusing and downplaying your actions in the past.

Absolutely nothing that happens in tumblr RP is endangering the world. Neither is anyone here capable of making anyone else RP differently, and their requirements and preferences are just that, requirements and preferences. A majority of them come from being ND and/or physically ill. You've got to stop judging people for what they need to do for themselves, it isn't hurting you or anyone else. It's not your business. If you don't like it, you don't have to interact with it. If someone is writing something or enjoying media that you find repugnant, that's fine! Just leave them alone about it. Again, no one is making anyone else interact, and what they're doing isn't real. It doesn't have any bearing on reality whatsoever. You're not calling out a super popular celebrity on being an open transphobe or something, okay? You're just harassing a random ass person online writing something you find upsetting. Your reasons for finding something upsetting are valid, their reasons for enjoying it are valid. You can both exist by ignoring each other. There are a lot of things I am deeply uncomfortable with and a few I am triggered by, it's still someone else's right to feel differently than I do. I'm not them, and you aren't either. You're not protecting anyone or acting righteously, you're doing the opposite when you act like that.

No more callouts, no more reblogging other people's callouts. Make a commitment to staying away from places, people, and topics that upset you instead. No more toleration of friends and followers harassing people, you need to put your foot down here. If you know someone is doing it, you've got to cut them loose from now on. Make it clear you will not be tolerant of this, that was the old you, this is the new you. Nope, you don't control anyone but yourself, you'll not be able to stop everyone, but you can make a serious effort by posting warnings that this is not acceptable and you will be dropping threads and blocking from now on, you need it to stop. Then, follow through on this.

No more URL dropping in your DNIs or labeling people. You can just say that you're uncomfortable interacting with those writing incest, underage, dubcon, etc. It is wholly unnecessary and purely inflammatory to use adjectives like "nasty" or "freak shit" or to imply/state that someone is a child molester, rape apologist, and so on for engaging with these topics. It's enough to say you won't interact, anything else is intentionally being hostile, and you've seen what that hostility does now, correct? Insulate yourself without vilifying others.

Make an effort to exclude these things from your other conversations as well. If you are only doing this publicly, you're not really changing, are you? No. This isn't the way we legitimately grow. Since you've almost certainly surrounded yourself with people who felt and behaved the same way, you'll be around conversations like this. Don't feed it, it's enough to say that, yeah, I find that upsetting, but hey, guys, we don't need to bring their character as a human being into what we dislike, that makes me uncomfortable. You know that annoying "be the change you want to see" shit? Yeah, well, it's kind of right, no matter how annoying! So, be the change instead of the problem. You have the power to positively be an influence.

Be willing to speak to those you've hurt, and be open about it when it comes up. Eventually, if you truly demonstrate change and being a positive member of the community, or just one that stays in their lane peacefully from now on, that will stop. It won't remain relevant, you're no longer keeping it relevant. As I said, some folks are never going to like you or want to be nice to you again, some are going to remember this with insult years from now, but if you're growing, their behavior becomes the unreasonable behavior after a time. You obviously have friends and mutuals, you don't need everyone here to forgive and love you, it's okay. I promise, plenty of people don't like me lol it isn't ruining my life any, and a lot of that is because I do have great friends and mutuals. Rely on them to be your support system through this difficult time. After what happened, if you want to make a meaningful change and be treated better again, allowing people their anger and giving them your honesty is critical.

I'm not saying you need to become the community's whipping boy or tolerate harassment...certainly not that the harassment is acceptable. Not once have I said that harassing you was a solution or something I supported. You don't have to respond kindly to people treating you like shit, but you should be aware of the really valid emotions you caused. Either don't respond at all, or have the patience to simply say that you're sorry for the damage done, please see the pinned post or speak civilly so we can work on this, otherwise, fueling this with more hostility toward me isn't helping and I will block you next time. I understand if you don't always have that patience and calm, I don't either. Those are the times you let it sit until you do, or you call it enough and block without responding - such as the case with death threats. Understanding where people are coming from and accepting some penance isn't the same thing as allowing people to seriously harm your mental health by incessantly suicide baiting and such. It's a fine line to walk, you may need to experiment some, just don't lose it on anyone.

When someone comes to you in the future and says that something you are currently doing is harming them or is harmful for whatever reason? Don't lose it on them either. Don't treat them like you did everyone, myself included, who tried to reasonably converse with you this year. Consider what they've said, accept what they've said, and stop doing whatever it is. Apologize and take down an inflammatory post, don't use whatever word or phrase anymore, make a statement about how post x you reblogged was in bad faith without your realizing it. Be responsible and willing to listen. If you get pissed off or feel irrationally defensive, step away from it for a while until you're calm again. Acting rashly is what got you here, refusing to listen to others and sticking to a course of extreme hostility because you've got to be right is what you got you here. It's okay to be wrong, it's okay if there is still something right in the wrong and you just need to clarify and change the tone or direction. That's a real mistake! You're a person, mistakes will happen. Unfortunately, you're also a person who dropped fucking napalm on the RPC, people will scrutinize what you do for a while. It's frustrating and exhausting sometimes, but remind yourself that it is your own fault.

Be open and welcoming on your meme blogs. Don't make people feel like they're walking into a trap by engaging with your resources, that if they RP something you don't like or a character you don't like, and reblog a meme from you that has nothing to do with either, they'll end up in a callout or getting harassment in their inbox. It's okay to say that you won't make memes or reblog them that deal with XYZ, that's your right! But it's just more inflammatory behavior to expect people to go to your meme blog's rules page/doc/carrd and correctly infer that they're the "proshipper" you're saying shouldn't reblog your resources regardless of content or use. People see them on their dashes and reblog, they're not even in a position to see these rules most of the time. No one should be punished for using resources the way they're meant to be used on tumblr, and you aren't RPing with these people. You don't have to engage with their content or them. In fact, you can quietly block them on your RP blogs to ensure you don't ever interact with them directly. It's just not necessary and only furthering the problem to do this on a meme or other resource blog, okay? Just don't share your RP blogs in connection with your meme etc. blogs, keep it separate to control your environment the way you need to peacefully.

Be intolerant of harassment where you see it going on. You can uniquely speak from experience on both sides of this issue now, this is what changing in a way that isn't just performative means. Send a polite anon advising someone not to do what you did and why, join a conversation and help someone understand why this is wrong and how it can really come back on them awfully as well. Make yourself a voice for reason and tolerance, re-establish yourself in this way, become known as someone who did something bad, but is now using that experience to do good.

All of this takes work, but hey, if it's important enough to you, if you're earnest enough, you have the strength to do this. And, furthermore, if you truly can be that genuine and committed, are not weirdly trolling my blog in a way that'll just make you look like an ass, or lying for passable sympathy to end your problems, I'll help you. I'll reblog that post you need to make, I'll go over it with you before you post it and help you understand any problems with it, that way, it has a higher chance of being seen by people you hurt as well as coming from a genuine place. I'll not block this anon message, I'll unblock a blog of your choice you can contact me with directly, and you can vent or ask for help in this process privately.

I was willing to be that person before, I really do believe in making the RPC better, so, I'm willing to be that person now despite what you've done. You hurt a lot of people, they deserve for you to change, if I can help make that really happen, I will do it, you didn't harm me like you did them. I just need you to do some self-examination and be serious about it. If you can't commit to this, if you're going to keep blaming everyone else and coming off like your primary point of regret is that you're being harassed in return, if you want to keep pretending that the majority of the RPC didn't see what you did, if you engage in callout culture or otherwise harass anyone, that's going to be the cut off. I will retract that offer, I'm not going to be civil to someone who is engaged in those behaviors, and am not willing to endanger others by helping them pull the wool over their eyes until it suits them to attack again. If you choose to pull that kind of thing? I'm sorry, but I really will get unbelievably hateful this time and I will stay that way.

I genuinely hope that this can be a turning point, that everyone can start on the long road to moving beyond this entire thing. We all deserve to peacefully enjoy ourselves in a fun hobby.

[rpbetter]

You are appreciated

Thank you, this was a great surprise to receive! You are most appreciated as well, thank you for what you do!

[rpbetter]

My name used to be Raven on this blue hellsite and I've been stalked and harassed for months by some random person who hates my guts over one mistake on a blog that doesn't even exist anymore. They say I drove people off the site but I don't know who I did it I did and if I did I'm sorry but I guess that's not good enough. Anyways an ex friend told my stalker about my RP blog urls and now I had to leave my RP blogs because my stalker was sending my mutuals baseless accusations about what I'd supposedly done that's so bad. Meanwhile I've had to get therapy for this stalking and supposed callout that hasn't come despite literal blackmail saying they would post it, and deal with accusations from ex friend about how apparently I'm some toxic piece of shit who made them self harm even though I have never told them to do anything like that and was never anything but supportive, literally messaged him apologizing, and I'm not the one who told an actual literal stalker in their 40s I don't know to come after me. The stalker keeps saying they're furious at me for not liking proshippers but I don't even know what that means and I've never used that terminology. I'm starting to seriously doubt my own memory about everything. Even though I know for a fact I didn't fucking send anyone anon hate and I've never been called Mable at any time in my life that's what they're saying I did and I'm so fucking tired of this shit and I don't know what to do I don't want to stop doing on Tumblr I just want this to be fun again but I can't do that if I'm being stalked so guess I gotta stay gone for good right? I don't know what to do. I'm so fucking tired.

Hey there, Former Raven who isn't That Raven!

For what it's worth, prior to that one, I've interacted with two Ravens just on tumblr. Over the decades of RPing, it's got to be a total of six or more. It's a very popular mun name to use, and that's all fine and well until someone shitty is using the same name. Then, you become another victim of their poor behavior.

And this person? It is a lot of poor behavior.

I think you deserve some context, since you are suffering for it. It wasn't just one mistake on a blog that doesn't exist anymore. This person was causing problems well before they made what definitely was not a mistake earlier this year. Taking it upon yourself to judge another RPer as worthy of having their rules screenshot and spread around the RPC as a demonstration of a slew of accusations because you'll take any opportunity to misconstrue things and start drama, isn't a mistake. Neither is repeatedly breaking the rules of a vent blog, then using it as a list to create callouts on a callout blog you created for this purpose. This was only claimed to be "a mistake" after they managed to, indeed, cause several blog deletions and other blogs to go on hiatus, damaging numerous people's mental health, and starting a truly impressive shit storm in the RPC. When they finally got enough backlash for their behavior, it was suddenly a mistake. Not that the victim-blaming or accusations or assertions of being in the right stopped with the half assed apologies and claims of it being a mistake.

None of this was a mistake, and it isn't a mistake that they're doing it again now. At some point, continually starting meme blogs that operate as a front for harassment on your numerous RP and callout blogs, isn't a mistake. When you make a mistake, and literally everyone does, you're sorry for what your actions have caused and you don't keep doing the same thing.

This is why people are so angry, and why it's coming up again in unfortunate ways like harassing you - they're actively pulling this shit again currently. This is also one of the reasons why I repeatedly asked people not to behave like that Raven and their friends and even their imaginary friends the first time this involved me. Not only am I never going to be alright with harassment, no matter how much someone has asked for it with their behaviors by doing so to others, on a long enough timeline, someone innocent is going to be caught up in it. With someone like the other Raven who has a ton of blogs and seems to appear whenever and wherever there is drama, it isn't even necessary to have ever shared a mun name with them for people to be accused of being them. Harassing people is wrong anyway, but it's never worth the risk of taking it to the wrong person.

I wish there was some way you could prove to people it isn't you, but there isn't. At this point, I doubt anyone sending you these things would be willing to believe you anyway. Once people are determined enough that you are someone else, nothing is going to convince them otherwise. So, I'd stop trying if I were you, and definitely stop apologizing for things you did not do. I absolutely understand empathizing with people and the desire to apologize just in case you did something hurtful unbeknownst to you at the time, as well as the impact this has eventually on one's ability to believe themselves, but it's only going to make these people feel like you're verifying guilt. If you want to apologize, apologize that they had this happen to them, preferably while reminding them that isn't good to turn around and do the same to someone else.

It's very rarely ever my suggestion that anyone needs to leave unless that's right for their mental health or otherwise what they genuinely want to do. So, I'd hate to see you give up something you enjoy and am not advising that! Maybe it would be a good idea to relocate blogs, however. Only let trusted friends know you are moving blogs, pick a new mun name that is not anywhere near those you have used in the past, do not bring up any of your former mun names. Treat this like you're in hiding because, sadly, you are. If you have to make a statement in fairness to mutuals you won't be sharing information with, only say that you are going on indefinite hiatus so they have a warning, nothing else.

This is also something I don't casually recommend, I think it goes a long way toward a genuinely saner and safer community when we all know where someone we want to avoid is so that we can avoid them. However, this only works when we're all in mature agreement to do just that, and the harassment isn't going to simply stop. Tumblr has no functionality when it comes to the tools to make it stop, you're not going to be able to convince anyone or have a reasonable discussion with them. Your options at this point are finding other ways to get it to stop, and those would include leaving tumblr totally, taking steps to evade harassment, or staying where you are and ignoring it by no longer responding to messages or speaking of it on your blog.

If you are going to try to remain where you are, I'd say to do the same things I advised the anon being harassed by the other Raven. Turn anon off, it's amazing how quickly harassment slows down when people have to either attach their names to the messages or go through the effort to make throwaway accounts. Be incredibly careful who you allow to follow from now on and go through your followers often, block anyone that seems even mildly sus to you, and don't put your blog out there for a while. Don't respond to anything connected to this, not even to defend yourself and refute accusations, they're only going to use that against you, their minds are made up. Don't post about it, don't mention it anywhere, it needs to be like this never happened. Consider going dash-only for a while, or temporarily relocating RPs to somewhere like discord or google docs while you give yourself some space from all this.

You can't force it to stop, but you don't have to keep being victimized by it until they decide to knock it off either. None of the options come without an unfair price for you, but try to think of it in terms of freeing yourself from this. Know that it is likely that your muses, RP style, mutuals, etc. might give you away eventually if you move blogs, pick a new URL, and change mun names like you're in the Tumblr Witness Protection Program. Know so that you're prepared for it this time around, you don't need to say anything to people who come to your inbox demanding you're someone else who has wronged them. In any case, again, it gives you some space from it and the plausible deniability that you didn't have the first time around because you were trying to be open and fair with others.

I'm really sorry that this person's horrible behavior just keeps harming others and that it has come to include those like yourself. There is nothing fair about this, it's never right to harass people. This person has hurt many, many people all around the RPC (and you should know that they, I'm told, are really on about the Mable thing, so, don't expect that to do anything but convince those harassing you that you are who you're saying you are not), but it's not okay to do the same shit as they are. This is a very good example as to why.

Like, I'm absolutely positive some people are going to feel like this is a falsified message, for example. But you know what? I'd honestly rather that you were the bad Raven pulling another stunt than jump to conclusions and accuse someone who has had more than enough of that. The former just adds another tally mark to their bullshit bingo card, but the latter makes me a shitty person. Let's all maybe consider that kind of thing before we decide someone is Bad Raven of Many Names and Blogs and start harassing them. Just block those blogs if you're convinced.

I hope that something works out so that you can stay here and get back to enjoying the hobby in peace! This kind of thing is really exhausting, and I totally feel you, I get stalked here, my friends get stalked on their blogs, all over this same person. I've been stalked in the past on one RP blog here twice with no connection to this, on an RP account a decade ago, and IRL. It's creepy, whether it's a twenty two year old who can't separate mun and muse who is "in love" with you, a nearly forty year old who ships themselves with you only, disgruntled former mutuals, or some people who are obsessed with curating drama. There is nothing like seeing a notification for your inbox and instead of being excited to see what a mutual sent, you half dread what nonsense you're opening up today. And it is deeply frustrating to have people take everything you've ever said or done wildly out of context in order to keep asserting things about you, knowing there isn't anything you can actually do about it.

This is no way to enjoy a hobby, it isn't the way it's supposed to be, and this behavior isn't any more acceptable in this hobby than it would be in any other. For all that tumblr is a hellscape, the RPC really should be better than this as a group both reliant on human interaction and made up of people who are variously marginalized, I'm sorry that it continually proves otherwise.

[rpbetter]

Hi Vespertine. I know you've gotten a lot of "drama" asks lately, so it's totally okay if you don't answer this right away, etc. A roleplay blog with over 400 followers, most of them active, recently dragged me because I don't write with certain kinds of roleplayers. No gender discrimination or anything, just basic stuff, like I only want to roleplay with people who don't make muses and drop them all the time. The person slandered me as a hard-ass who "takes things too seriously", and so many people liked the post, which consisted of only four lines of my rules, taken out of context, without ever getting the full picture. I got a lot of crap in my inbox, especially "FUOD" messages. With 400 people following that blog, most of them being very active in a certain fandom (and the same fandom my muse is from), I'm highly discouraged, and I'm afraid nobody from that fandom is ever going to touch me again. I'm already nervous as hell because this same person pulled a similar stunt last year. I had blocked them, but it didn't keep them from trying to smear me this time, too. How do I move on from this, and not let my anxiety over the situation win?

Thanks.

Hey, Anon!

It's all good, unfortunately, there are a lot of shitty people out there, and they really do seem to all act up at once. Whoever is putting the Act Like Asses juice in the water supplies globally every four to six months needs to find a new hobby, just like everyone who feels it is an acceptable, if not righteous, use of their time to harass people. I'd like to know who started the thought that it's ever okay to screenshot things from other mun's rules in order to drag them instead of simply not interacting with those you find disagreeable, but it isn't okay, period. Absolute end of story. Just block, don't follow, don't interact, it's that simple.

I am so sorry this happened to you, after you saw this person as trouble and made the effort to avoid them like a responsible adult, no less. No idea what causes people to feel like it's perfectly alright to do this sort of thing, but I suspect it has nothing to do with the actual content of the rules, posts, or messages they're taking wildly out of context. Everything to do with seeking attention and validation while watching the person/people they are invalidating and sending a mob after suffer for whatever imaginary slight they've come up with to justify doing so.

I think the first key to not letting your anxiety win is one of the difficult things to do when you have anxiety - thinking logically.

It is definitely additionally unfortunate that they have such a big following, and so much more vexing when so many people like a post who are willing to believe the worst about someone, but it doesn't mean all four hundred of them are actually in play. Many could be on hiatus and will return without ever having seen this idiocy going on, many might not return at all. Some are not going to be willing to believe this, they'll even be put off by them pulling such a stunt, especially when it doesn't sound like it is the first time, but they're unwilling to attract attention to themselves by unfollowing, blocking, or openly disagreeing. After all, this person appears to have a record of bad behavior, it's a promise that some of their followers are too afraid to leave, lest they be harassed next.

There is no way that all four hundred believe this or agree with it. You can't get four people to agree on something less charged! So, try to keep that in mind. You'll have a handful that totally agree, and some more that are performatively agreeing. They're either "agreeing" simply because the mun used the right buzzwords for them (you're ableist, hate OCs or homophobic, for example, because you are only interested in long-term interactions and have expectations to that end you're clear about, you said you can be selective about OCs because you have had too many trying to assume the position of your muse's relations or romantic partners, or your muse is heterosexual and you made it clear you won't be doing queer love interest plots) or they are "agreeing" because they want to appear favorably to this mun.

Those who are in agreement with either the accusations or the behavior itself are not people you want to associate with any more than you did this mun. Anyone they're interacting with or influencing is the same. Of course, you want interactions, and no one wants to be labeled, but you don't want to be involved with those who are willing to blindly believe this kind of thing, willing to send that kind of shit to anyone's inbox, or willing to spread rumors about other RPers they've not even interacted with. Try to remember this as well, and to think of it as them having inadvertently sprinkled snake repellent in your garden.

The other key to combating the anxiety depends on how you tend to find motivation and engage with emotions.

For some people, a determination to demonstrate that they're not the person they've been accused of being is good motivation. Knowing that, if any of these people want to actually bother to look at your blog, they'll clearly see you're just a RPer with different preferences, nothing more. Continuing to be visibly engaged with other muns, putting out your replies and other content, while being a reasonable, nice, adult.

For others, spite is a great motivator. The RPC seems to have readjusted this to mean that a mun is going on the offensive in return, being hateful to others, and so forth, but that's not being motivated by spite. Being thus motivated is refusing to accept someone else's erroneous interpretation of you, or being run off of your blog and out of your hobby because of it. Every time you start to feel anxious, you try to hit a pause button on that with the thought, "no, I'm going to put out a headcanon or reply because fuck that guy, they don't have the right to ruin my time, and I hope it burns their ass that I'm still here ignoring them and their behavior."

The determination of turning it into a joke is good for still others. This is so stupid that it is, literally, laughable. Neither those who interact with you nor those with a scrap of reading comprehension feel this way, it's just one creep with an asinine grudge and their equally rotten walnuts for brains flying monkeys. Embracing this with the idea that if something is ridiculous, it should be allowed to be ridiculous - worthy of ridicule. Putting a spin on something meant to hurt them can make some people able to refocus on what they'd rather be doing, RPing.

Taking something from all of these as suits you individually might be a good way to keep anxiety, and this person, from winning.

Some other things that can help are:

Focusing on what you're good at and enjoy as a way of self-validating and sort of reminding yourself that it isn't you, it's them. Being creative, so long as you're not so upset that creativity is refusing to come to you, frustrating you more, is one of the best ways to combat negative emotions and work through things. Maybe it would benefit you through some catharsis to write out a similar feeling situation with your muse, but it could help to do the exact opposite as well, writing something far removed from it or creating art, gifs, or edits if those are things you're capable of.

Relying on your support system to help you get through tough moments. No, unfortunately, we do not all have them, or our available friends might be so few that we feel like we're venting at them too much because we can't spread it around. However, if you don't have a support system, or that system is one or two people only, you might be able to find a safe space otherwise. You can always come back here and vent, and if you need to, nothing said in my IMs leaves them, I'm totally cool with burner accounts, and if someone asks for something not to be published, it isn't. I was also going to make a post about this when a bit more alert and with more time, but until that happens, I do actually have a blog for those no longer feeling that the other vent/confessions blog is safe that I can recommend! I don't know how they feel about direct mentions, so I'll just link it. It's roleplayerconfessions.

If you have only a few people available, or that you trust and feel are in a good enough place themselves, as someone who has always been the vent-safe friend in small groups, I'm sure they wouldn't feel like you were abusing friend privileges or anything like that. The atmosphere of tumblr is such that good messages go awry in record time, that's the case with the good message of "don't use others as therapists or never allow them to talk about their positive and negative feelings" becoming the bad message of, "speaking of a single negative thing in your life is 'trauma-bombing,' making others therapists, and being a toxic friend. Also, you're a drama monger for this."

There is no nuance in the majority of PSAs, but humans are made up of nuance! So long as you're not legitimately bombarding someone with nothing but stressful messages every time you speak, having the ability to still take an interest in what is going on with the other person, talking about other things as well, and so on? It's fine and a normal part of friendship with another person to share downs as well as ups and to allow friends to support you when you need it.

When the anxiety starts to feel like it is winning, expressing what you're feeling to a friend or appropriate blog can be a good way of sort of allowing anxiety to come out in a different way. This way you're not allowing it to spiral inside, instead, you're metaphorically writing it down and burning the page or tying it to a balloon string and letting it go (though, please, no one do the latter for real, it's bad for wildlife, and if you're going to do the former for real, do so in a fireplace, fire pit, or other location that isn't going to burn your living space or catch the natural environment on fire). Sometimes, if we allow our fears to have their moment in a safe space, they no longer seem so valid and we can let them go again for a bit. Eventually, it becomes easier to do that with no externalizing necessary.

There is also the importance of something tumblr is bad at, self-validating and realizing the significance this plays in boosting confidence. It's not only alright to feel good about yourself and what you can do instead of going with the patented tumblr wallowing, and often fake, terminal humility, it's good. There is something about yourself you like and something you can do well that you can be proud of, even if it feels like neither is true...or not true all the time.

What you like about yourself doesn't even have to be something approved of in tumblr culture, such as "I'm a compassionate person" or "I tend to be level-headed," it can be that you think you have great hair, that's absolutely fine as well. Whatever it is, remind yourself of it, embrace it, be proud of it! And what you're proud of being capable of can be anything from writing well to the ability to find anything, no matter how obscure, in searches. This doesn't have to be something glorious either, maybe you just make a fabulous grilled cheese. I make a damn fabulous grilled cheese myself, there are many inferior grilled cheese sandwiches out there, it's definitely something to be proud of. Whatever it is, remind yourself of this as well, go do it and bask in your own glory!

If it does happen to be something like writing that you can show off on your blog, do it. Sharing what you are proud of that you're capable of is a wonderful way of self-validating. Putting something out there, especially when you're having anxiety about being here at all, says that you're confident about it. If you can do that, if you can be confident about sharing this with others, you can feel a bit of that confidence. It isn't necessary for anyone else to like or comment on it, you want to feel this from and for yourself. The whole point is solidifying that you have every right to be here, you contribute to the community and your writing partner's lives, and no one has the power to tear you down unless you allow it. And why would you allow it? You're confident in yourself, you don't have time for this nonsense in your life!

If it doesn't happen to be something you can put on your blog in the same way as writing, find some other way of putting it out into the world. Perhaps you rock at plants. Show them off, obliterate us with your arcane foliage knowledge, feel the radiant embrace of your accomplishments being shared with others! Maybe it actually is the sandwich, but don't Instagram your food, make it for a friend or family member, offer it to a neighbor you know is busy or stressed who could use some comfort food tonight. You've done something really cool, stretching back through all of human history, sharing something delicious that you made with someone else.

The point is that there's something you do well you can use in this way to put your anxiety back in the box.

Anxiety is like a cockroach, you can count on it coming back, but you have to find ways to not let it run your life, offline and online alike. You only have to find the repellent that is going to work best for you. That might take experimentation, but you can do it! And I hope you do, as I am in the spiteful motivation category myself, I cannot stand seeing the worst people triumph with their bullying. You deserve to win, you have every right to put whatever you require and desire in your rules that isn't harassing someone, and you do not deserve a smear campaign for anything at all.

It isn't your fault that this is happening, you ran into someone shitty and did exactly what you're supposed to in blocking and avoiding them. I know it doesn't help entirely, especially with the additional frustration of having your words taken determinedly out of context to fuel this and seeing people actually believing all this, but there's no validity to it. This person doesn't actually know you, to them, you're just a blog they're exacting some manner of revenge upon, not a real human being they wouldn't even try to get to know. Whatever they're saying, it's only what they could be certain of others willingly misconstruing and taking out of context.

That's exactly why they only took a tiny portion of what you wrote, and why they used whatever popular accusation or three that tends to go with taking RP "too seriously." All one has to do to start a smear campaign in this RPC is to pick an inflammatory topic and manufacture incredibly weak evidence to pair with buzzwords and phrases like "too serious." They know that others will jump on the bandwagon to attack a target they've dehumanized by labeling them as toxic, demanding, elitist, and ableist because the target said in their rules that they aren't going to interact with those who are not reliable partners interested in long-term plots. Once people do not see you as another person, they're not going to bother with the, apparently, monstrous task of exercising their own cognition and seeking out evidence for their own judgment.

This is always the foundation of things like callouts and other smear campaigns for the same reason it is found in horrific actions offline throughout human history. If people are already primed to be riled up about something, it's only necessary to drop that word in relation to a person or group of people, and they're off, ready to tell a stranger to die or commit acts of violence and bigotry offline. Truth, genuine evidence, maturity, and recognition of another's personhood even if they anger you is nowhere to be found with this sort of vilification and mob rule. It is not, and never was, about safeguarding the community or calling out harmful actions. It never will be, that's only the clothing it wears.

If you are in a relatively large fandom, the good news is that you'll have plenty of people who either didn't hear a word of this or didn't care. That's the upside to the major downside of there being a higher ratio of those willing to pull this kind of thing and to buy into it. In smaller fandoms, you have less of an opportunity to remain anonymous once someone has their sights set on you, and the majority of that fandom might be made up of people like this. Plenty of your more dedicated - I'm sorry, too serious - RPers have a tendency to stay away from drama and in their own, more insular, corners. When RP is a primary hobby for you, you're more invested in that than you are what bad behavior is starting up this week. I'm sure you can relate to that! It's just difficult to keep a logical handle on this when it's about yourself and in your face.

You can try to find those pockets of dedicated RPers in your fandom, and I suspect you already were, since it is a concern that this person will have negatively colored the perception of you. It can be difficult because they are little pockets who do not venture outside of themselves all that often, but once you do find them, it's worth the effort!

You can also take a break from your own fandom for a little while to help with easing your anxiety. If new people come to you, great! Accept them if they are applicable! Otherwise, try to think of some fandoms you are interested in doing crossovers within and seek out RP there. Check out RPers who have muses not from your fandom, but who do have AU verses for their muses in it. That way, you have the opportunity to still interact within your canon world without interacting with your fandom. It's always interesting, I think, to see what happens in your muse's canon timeline if there is the difference of a muse present in RP that was not there in canon. It's interesting to see how you can create your muse for another world, too. This can be a fascinating exercise in character discovery, you're taking the core of their canon personality and experiences and finding ways to duplicate these in a manner that is believable for this universe - and seeing the differences in your muse when you can't do something identical to your canon. You can discover things you weren't aware of about the muse, even if you've been writing them for over a decade. This could even be helpful in boosting confidence and dedicated interest in other things to combat anxiety while you're distancing yourself for a little while from the source of that anxiety.

Again, I'm so sorry that the RPC is like this. You did everything right, you are in the right, but there will always be someone who will come out of the woodwork to harass you regardless of how much you stay in your lane, are honest and polite in your rules, or make efforts to avoid them. No one should ever have to feel anxious about participating in a hobby because of bad behavior from others. I genuinely hope that you can find a way to overcome this and get back to enjoying your time to the fullest! For what it's worth, I'm certain others out there will read this and know exactly what you're going through. You definitely have the support and commiseration of more muns than you'll ever know!

[rpbetter]

Hey Vespertine! This is a strange question, but most of my posts are pretty long, and sometimes, I wonder if people are scanning over the long posts and not reading them because of all the plain text. I try to divide everything into paragraphs, so there's some white space every few lines, but maybe I could be doing something else to make people more inclined to read them? Bolding, or something? Do you have any tips? Cheers!

Hey, Anon!

Let me reassure you first, I promise it’s not that strange of a question, and you are great for taking this concern where you have - to accessibility instead of being angry your posts aren’t being read. That’s a frustrating situation you have going on, but you’re looking for logical solutions to a suspected problem instead of taking it personally. That’s hard to do, please know how awesome you are for that. This could, indeed, be part of the problem. There are some other factors I’ll get to momentarily, but let’s address this visual factor. It’s always hard to be fully accessible to everyone, as no single thing is ever going to work for everyone. All you can do is be aware of the things that tend to work for many and listen when mutuals express problems. Since no one has said there is a problem, you’ve got to rely on what you know is often helpful. Using formatting to help break up longer text is one of those things!

However, overdoing it can create a similar issue all over again, making it difficult to focus on and read. It can be difficult to find a happy medium, but there are some basic rules you can go by while you feel out your process on this.

For non-RP posts...

If your long text is in a non-RP, not in character format, such as a headcanon, meta, or other such post, be aware of the sections present in it. What makes this easier is practicing good paragraph breaks. A paragraph should usually be six sentences, but various other rules can either extend or shorten a paragraph. Without turning this into a grammar lesson that sucks some of the fun out of RPing, you should stop one paragraph and begin another when there is a subject change or other, organic-feeling break, like refutations such as "however."

This makes it easier for you to identify a sentence you can use as a sort of header. (I'll be doing it in this post and do it on many of them, as an example of what that looks like.) Sentences in which you are stating a fact or topic etc. you'll be addressing below, you can bold. You can even use the indent feature on shorter paragraphs in which you are giving additional, not entirely necessary, information you could think of as "bonus material."

Doing this can visually break up the text and help people stay focused on it, while additionally helping them to follow along and process the information. You can also follow some of the suggestions for RP reply posts below for this as well.

As for RP posts, that sort of formatting is going to be awkward.

RP posts should flow like a story, whether they are one line or as lengthy as it gets. Colors are generally a bad idea as they can be a serious issue for those using screen readers, as well as those who have issues triggered by vivid coloration. Excess spaces between words and bolding or italicizing words at random can also be inaccessible to some.

So, what can you do?

I've seen RPers insert an icon every so many paragraphs, as well as using a divider when there is a major scene change (think time forwarding or writing two muses in one thread when they're in separate places). If you like using icons, this could be a good way to break up text that isn't either distracting or making it difficult to read and follow along with.

That thing I mentioned about the paragraphs? Do that in RP replies as well. This can help you prevent every paragraph from becoming a literal wall of text! Additionally, varying the length of both paragraphs and sentences helps keep things from becoming too uniform. Allow for a shorter paragraph in between longer ones, and things like a standalone sentence and other, more thematic type writing like this.

You don't want to overuse this, but there are many instances in which a stand-alone sentence works for both impact in your writing as well as breaking up text for readers. It can be humorous, as in having an obvious statement follow up on one made in the paragraph, "like a liar" style. It can be angsty or dramatic, like following up a paragraph in which your muse is speaking of how much they love the other muse, waxing poetic in their thoughts about how beautiful and wonderful this muse is in every way possible. Your standalone line being something like, "If only they could be told," "If only the words could be found when around them," "Maybe, someday, it'll be the right time to say it," or even, "It might make them a different person, but -your muse- wishes they loved themselves half as much as he/she/they do."

Do you like to write out some of your muse's internal monologue? If you do, it can be used similarly. In most instances, separating it from the body of the text is the best idea for maximum impact and making it better for writing partners with reading difficulties. Again, this can be used humorously, as foreshadowing, giving information on the sly, drama, angst, and romance. The applications and interest points are limitless here as well, and it's fun to do for you.

The major difference with putting down a snippet of your muse's thoughts is that you'll designate it using formatting. Many people use italic for this, just as many use symbols (please, do not use symbols that make it difficult for those using screen readers, such as repetitive use or those that are not commonly found on a keyboard) to denote the opening and closing of the thought, but you could also use bold, bold and italic, italic and a symbol, or if you know none of your mutuals will have difficulty with the colors, you could make the thoughts one color. If you're going to opt for a color for this, please make it a color, not multiple colors, and pick one that will be visible without causing eyestrain. Because this might be less intuitively obvious, make a post updating your mutuals that you will be denoting thoughts using whatever color, and be sure you have it in your rules somewhere so that newcomers will know as well.

You can also help break up text by using emphasis normally, not as an aesthetic. There are many bits of questionable writing advice from traditional writing that have come into RP, one of them is the idea that one should never use bold or italic. Unless you are excessively relying on this sort of emphasis instead of making tone otherwise clear, there is nothing wrong with using them. Especially not in RP or other purely creative, hobby writing in which some of the things appropriate for professional writing only come off as wooden. So, if it feels natural to you to use emphasis, in and out of dialogue, go for it! It could be helpful in providing subtle breaks in what you're writing.

I mentioned varying sentence length earlier but didn't elaborate on that. It's exactly like what I was talking about with varying paragraphs, though. Try out fluctuating sentence length to create a more naturally rhythmic flow to your writing by following long sentences with shorter ones, and the other way around. This makes writing more engaging and easier to follow along with.

Alright, so, there are some places to start that might be helpful! Now, I'm a little concerned that this seems to be a consistent problem for you and have another suggestion to make based on that.

Do you feel like it is more than half of your replies that are being skimmed? If it isn't just one person, this might be an issue of differing interests and/or RP styles more than anything you are doing or not doing. If most of your writing partners are writing significantly less than you and you're getting the impression that they're only looking for action and dialogue they can respond to, it might be time to consider mutuals who are more similar to yourself. It seems like it is possible that you have grown into different writing interests and styles that no longer mesh with what they're doing.

Totally fine that there is a variety of ways to enjoy RP, but if you're only interacting with those who have a significant difference here, you are not going to be enjoying RP as much as you could be. You might want to assess what RP length category you fit into, then begin looking for blogs that are also in that category, as well as beginning to only accept new mutuals who are. Maybe you were para or multipara when you first started out, focusing in on things your muse could directly interact with, but now, you're more on the novella end and interested in writing things the muses cannot immediately know or react to.

Some muns remain happy with the same style and objectives for their duration in the hobby, others change as they're involved in it for longer. Either way is fine, but when we are interacting with someone we don't fit with well, particularly if we once did, we're inclined to try to make it work as we require. That might look like paring down or simplifying writing, it might look like skimming writing and only replying to what stands out as something that can be acted upon. In the end, someone isn't going to be enjoying themselves.

I'm not saying you should try out nothing different and see what happens, that you should, instead, simply drop all your mutuals and get new ones. Only that this could be a relevant factor for you to examine, and that finding some mutuals who are more aligned with the way you're wanting to RP could at least test this theory. It's frustrating when you've put a lot of effort and creativity into your writing only for it to be ignored, I want you to have as many possibilities for why this is happening and how to fix it as possible!

I hope something helps! Just remember to try your best to keep things as accessible as possible for your writing partners. If you're in doubt, ask someone you know you can trust to tell you the truth, and if possible, ask someone who does have challenges you do not. Always listen if you're told, whether you have asked or someone sends you a message about it, that something is an accessibility problem. Try out some of the suggestions and any ideas you might have come up with, and consider whether you might be writing with people who you don't pair up with so well any longer.

[rpbetter]

Sorry if this isn't the place to put this. You don't have to publish this. I know you wanted to be done with it. Raven is stalking my personal blog and all of my rp blogs and sending me passive aggressive messages. I fear for mine and my mutuals safety. I can't enjoy my hobby anymore and I've had a huge mental breakdown and relapsed. I don't want to leave this site, but I feel like the harassment won't stop until I leave or worse.

Hey, it's all good, Anon. Of course, I'd like to be done with it, but if you're having this problem, that means I'm not done with it and it isn't your fault that is the case. It's never anyone's fault when they somehow attract the attention of a person like this, and there is an unfortunately huge swath of evidence out there that blocking, ignoring what they're doing, never bringing them or previous drama involving them up doesn't make any difference. Your only option at some times in life is to just vent.

I am deeply sorry this is happening to you, that you ran into someone who isn't just irrationally hateful but who also cannot find it within themselves to knock it off and move on with their life. They're going to keep harassing, claiming harassment, vacating the known blog, and moving to another to do it all over again. All because they've convinced themselves this is the right thing to do and they're clearly addicted to being an asshole.

It isn't at all fair to you, it isn't right in any way, that you might need to give them what they want by leaving and RPing elsewhere with your friends for a while, but I'm concerned about your well being here. Not giving in to a terrorist is always great, but if that's going to keep damaging your mental health and endangering you in a real way, it isn't worth it. I feel like that is very likely after what you've told me. Something has to change, and since you cannot make them change their behavior, it has to be you that makes a change, no matter how horrifically unfair that is.

Furthermore, I very much understand the concern for your mutuals as well. It's the biggest reason I have the policy on this blog to neither confirm nor deny my RP blogs - I'm not going to risk harassment coming to my mutuals who didn't sign up for that. This is simply too regular of a tactic with people like this, messaging mutuals to first "helpfully" inform them they're interacting with a -insert purity police buzzword here- then, when that changes nothing, they start being harassed. I'm so worried about followers being harassed that I literally asked them not to comment on or reblog posts pertaining to this last time around. Your concern is absolutely valid.

Leaving is, obviously, not ideal. You want to stay, you should be able to stay. Again, though, there isn't anything I can advise that will definitely take the pressure off enough for me to feel like it's a good move for you, save for removing yourself from the equation for a bit. Look, full reality because you deserve it no matter how shitty it is, this is only ever going to stop when they move on from the platform. It is likely that if you move blogs/when you return, they'll only start it up again after their weird, getting comfortable, resting phase is over once more. But, perhaps, by then you can be in a stronger mental state to handle it than you are right now.

This is an uncool personal question I don't need an answer to, it's just for you to consider as you figure out what to do - do you have a mental health professional you can work with? I know some do not understand the importance of online hobbies and might not do anything other than advise you find a different one, but if you have a good one that you trust and are comfortable with, you can explain that this hobby has allowed you to make important friendships and be positively creative. Then, explain how this harassment makes you feel. They might have some suggestions to help you with handling this specific stressor, as well as building some thicker mental armor to not be so impacted by it in the future. If you do not, I know, very personally, how hard finding one can be. It's difficult because you're not a good place, it's impossible depending on finances and/or your location. There are fully valid reasons why people "don't just get help." If you're in a situation where you can do so, consider looking for someone that can help you, and remember that not only are there some great services online/on apps now, but also, some insurances and government medical care programs do cover them or a portion of them. If this is too overwhelming, that's understandable! Maybe you have someone you can trust to help you do this, a family member or close friend. Some programs offer help navigating these things as well. At the very least, there are some cool apps around now that can really help out with teaching you how to handle internalizing negativity, managing stress, and focusing on positives etc. I've tested a few free ones out specifically to recommend to someone and help out with advising some confidence-based issues. I was pleasantly surprised how good they actually are, maybe you will be as well!

See if any of your friends would be cool with moving RP elsewhere temporarily. Some folks are not going to feel comfortable with that, but please don't take that as a personal judgment against you. It's hard to step out of comfort zones, and unfortunately, muns have used more private locations for bad purposes. These people who decline might have experienced something traumatic or are not themselves in a good place to leave somewhere familiar. For everyone else, you can suggest places like discord, google docs, or if they have a cloud service you also have (Microsft One Note, iCloud, using Word or Pages respectively, for example) that's an option. There are still places where you can set up a free, simple forum, as well as old school style chat rooms you can set up. I don't know if they'd be comfortable going as far as moving to a whole other RP geared platform, but if so, there are places like roleplayer.me and I know there is a forum type one as well, but I truly don't know the name of it at the moment, forgive me. (There is also a more RP applicable, discord-like messenger where you can have a ton of organization discord doesn't offer. People doing DnD campaigns and such have said they enjoy it quite a bit. Unfortunately, I'm also drawing a blank on this one's name. If anyone out there happens to have the name of either, feel free to comment to help Anon out!)

My point is, none of them are the same experience as tumblr, but they are missing your harasser and could work out for a bit. In that time period, see what you can do about taking care of yourself. This could, most unintentionally, end up being a good thing in which you'll return stronger and more resilient with this sort of shit. Nothing gets to these people more than their intended victims being impossible to abuse, and few things feel as good as realizing you are utterly unaffected by the harassment in your inbox. I totally believe you can get to that point, but right now, it seems to me like you just need this to stop. They're not going to stop, you can't force them to through the site because the blocking is a joke and so is the reporting, but you can give yourself a break from it while not losing out on RP entirely. You can even still participate in memes by either visiting only your mutuals' blogs for them or by asking them to link you to what they've reblogged, then, pick one to "send" to them wherever you're RPing.

Though I think not being here for a while is best for your mental health, some options remaining on tumblr would be to turn off anon, block anything you get that even slightly seems suspicious, and make your blogs dash only. They're less likely to send you anything if they have to attach their name to it for everyone to see. Blocking is a bit useless when someone has dozens of blogs and there are plenty of ways to subvert a block, but it at least feels good to do and says you're serious about not being harassed. Dash only blogs come with inherent problems, and this isn't going to stop them from sending you things, but you'll know they're not so easily trolling your blog for things to harass you with anymore.

None of these options help your mutuals, being unable to easily bother you might nudge them toward lashing out at your mutuals, too. This could also be the case if you leave tumblr, it tends to piss people like them off considerably to no longer have their primary targets. You can't control what they're going to do, they're going to harass people adjacent to you if they want to, they might be doing it already. What you can do is warn the mutuals you interact with the most and most obviously. I'm sure some of them are already aware, but giving those who might not be a head's up as to how serious this has gotten and that you're worried about them being harassed is a good idea. That way, at least they are prepared and can take whatever action they feel is best for themselves. Yes, some of them might feel like that action is no longer interacting with you, but that's not going to be the majority, and at the end of the day, you did the right thing. Going directly to them to warn them about something like this is neither unnecessary drama nor is it engaging in gross callout culture like your harasser.

Finally, I know it's very hard, but literally, literally, nothing this person is saying or doing has a damn bit of validity in actuality. You're not a terrible person for writing what you are, enjoying the content you do, or for disagreeing with them. Whatever their problem with you is, it's their problem. They're just a random malcontent on tumblr who has made it their hobby to bully other totally random people for exactly no reason at all. You're just existing as a RPer on tumblr. One of these people is a legitimately embarrassing fucking loser who needs to grow up and get a single real problem, the other is you.

Also, have you heard of Censorship Support Line? They might be able to help you by talking about the harassment going on, too. I do not know the person behind the blog, but it seems to check out as genuine and might help you out some!

Again, I'm very sorry that this has happened. No one deserves to have their hobby ruined, let alone their mental health. Perhaps, especially not by someone who starts crying about their mental health the nanosecond their shitty behavior isn't being tolerated and praised. You don't deserve this, there isn't any excuse for it, and I wish I could make it stop for you. Please, whatever else you do, take care of yourself, you're worth it.

[rpbetter]

It’s okay to explore dark topics. It’s also okay to avoid dark topics.

It’s okay to have preferences that are popular. It’s also okay to have preferences that are unpopular.

It’s okay to spend hours poring over your muses. It’s also okay to spend just a few minutes on them.

It’s okay to set firm, unyielding boundaries. It’s also okay to be lax with your boundaries.

It’s okay to have roleplay as your only hobby. It’s also okay to have other hobbies.

What’s never okay is judging, bullying, or shaming people for what works for them. They are valid. So are you. There is no “us” or “them”. There is only all of us together. Let’s put the respect back in the RPC again!

[rpbetter]

Thank you so much for the super quick reply! This is the same small fandom anon, but I do think I'd enjoy inserting my muse into other canons! He's a huge oddball who's both very secretive and very outgoing and I have a thousand hcs for him, and his canon is pretty much a slice of life, so I think he'd fit a lot of situations and universes... As much as I have a favourite ship with him in his canon, can't exactly go shooting for rps that don't exist at the moment. Do you have any tips on how to get started with a blog, and etiquette on reaching out to other rpers? Thank you so much!

(In response to this answer.)

You are very welcome! I know the turnaround time here can vary, I try to pick some asks a week that I can get done quicker if possible, but that's not always possible. Some responses take more research, reaching out to others for wider experiences, research, or more careful wording, and that can take a lot of time. So, if you ever send something in and I can't get back to you as quickly, never feel like I'm ignoring it! I'm just slow sometimes, I swear.

I am so relieved to hear about your muse! I'm relieved because this sounds like a circumstance in which you could easily integrate him into a wide variety of crossovers, I hate it when it seems like people might not be able to enjoy the muses they want. You also have a great attitude about this! It goes a long way toward having fun when you're willing to be flexible and so reasonable about things. Like with the favorite ship. Of course, it would be wonderful to find someone with that muse to ship with, but since that isn't the case right now, your willingness to put yourself out there for other interactions might very well end up in great ships you never would have thought of happening.

As for getting started with a blog, my best initial tips are to not get too hung up on making the blog perfect right away, make sure that it is accessible, and have the most important information available before you start trying to find partners.

People have an unfortunate tendency to get stuck on the blog's design, stressing themselves out, prioritizing this over getting the important information up, and exhausting themselves. As well as becoming frustrated after they spent a lot of time trying to duplicate their corner of the RPC's preferred aesthetics, only to not have muns beating down the door to interact. Attractive blogs are great, but this idea you'll see floating around the RPC that aesthetics matter more than anything isn't all that correct. If you, as a mun, are coming off as good to interact with and your muse as interesting, that is going to matter more than anything else...and the people who are more interested in your blog aesthetics are not a loss if they feel that way. If they can't love your muse at a basic tumblr theme, they don't deserve your muse at a piece of artwork tumblr theme, right? Right.

If you're not familiar with, or comfortable with, heavier editing of tumblr themes, it's absolutely alright to go with a more basic one that is easier to edit. Even those allow for a pretty good range of customization options. (You can always change the theme later on, too!) You can find themes in a few ways - tumblr's theme gallery, searching for things like "free themes" on tumblr, and visiting the theme makers' blogs linked on other RP blog themes. There are some themes made specifically for RP blogs, but it isn't necessary to use those, any theme that allows customization, has features you personally like, and is a single-column format works out just fine. Neither myself nor any of my partners who have been here even longer than me have ever used a RP specific theme, it's seriously okay not to. And it's seriously okay if you do want to! They tend to require more knowledge to work with, however, and are often geared toward multis. There is also the option of paying for a custom theme, but I would advise that you wait on that until you've gotten established.

You might be familiar with "container themes" from considering RPing here, but in case you're not, they are themes where most of the blog is static and there is a portion of the blog that shows posts or the page you clicked on in the links. This portion is contained in a square or rectangle. These themes can get a bad rap, though not a totally undeserved one, as many RPers make the non-static portion very, very small. They're not all like that! If these themes appeal to you, go with a style that is large enough for those visiting your blog to actually be able to read your posts.

This is a part of overall accessibility. You want to be sure that others can read and navigate the blog, and that you are making it inaccessible to those using screen readers or who might have disorders that eyestrain is a problem for. So, don't use themes that have page links disguised as graphic elements the visitor has to search for to locate. Don't use fonts that are difficult to read because of the style or size, and exercise caution choosing colors. No light colored font on a light background, dark colored on a dark background, or combinations that are incredibly bright.

Do make your blog reflective of your muse if possible by using colors and graphics that give the feeling of your muse, but don't make it an unpleasant place that is impossible to navigate.

It's important to be careful about your tags as well. Pick some tags you'll be using for frequently occurring posts like OOC posts, headcanons, queue, aesthetics, memes, and think about how you want to tag your RP interaction threads. A general format for the latter is to tag the URL of your mutual, give the thread a name often designated by "thread" or "th" in front of it, a tag for whatever verse you are using often designated by "verse" or "v," and if there is a ship, you can tag it with a ship name or phrase as well. You want to use things that allow for clarity in finding your threads again, as well as for others to use filtering if they don't want to see particular users or interactions. If there is material in the RP that is triggering or someone has asked you to tag, tag it as "trigger/topic here tw/cw." For example: depression tw.

Keep it simple, don't use tags that are exceptionally long phrases, use special characters or fancy fonts, as all these things can prevent others from filtering your tags as needed and from searching your blog for posts. Tumblr's search feature is kind of awful anyway, don't give it any reason to be worse! Additionally, many of the things people use to make their tags aesthetically pleasing are a nightmare for those using screen readers. The screen reader will literally read whatever is put there, meaning that if you put repeating elements in, it will keep saying them. It will also pronounce the letters in non-English alphabets that folks seem to think are cool to drop into things for The Aesthetic, and some special fonts, characters, and colors will give a terrible noise only.

Before you begin looking for mutuals and interacting, you need to have some important information available.

Have your rules page completed first! (It's alright to add to them and refine them as you go, you'll probably need to, just let your mutuals know that you've made changes by posting on the dash that you've done so.) Your rules tell others how you RP, what you won't write, need tagged, what they can expect from you, and go over important matters before they're a problem. Include things like what age a mun needs to be to interact with you, if there will be sensitive material on the blog/in the threads, how you should be contacted, if you're mutuals only, topics you won't write and/or need tagged, if you need to be contacted before sending a meme or starter to plot, and so on.

Rules aren't a bad thing, they're a very, very good thing! They make boundaries and expectations clear from the outset and help us better figure out who we might (or might not) work out with well. Unfortunately, you cannot simply put something as to the effect of "just have fun, don't be a dick" on there and call it good. Fun and what constitutes dickish behavior is too variable, and the people who are going to be a problem aren't going to not be dicks just because you tried to be a casual, open, friendly mun who asked them not to be. Give specifics as to what you do not want. That doesn't mean that you have to be hateful or anything, but it's good to have boundaries as a part of cultivating your space so that it's a fun time for you. Muns who act like they're being personally attacked because another mun has rules are enormous red flags. If someone is that bothered by you having boundaries and expectations, especially if they differ from theirs, they were never going to be a good person to interact with.

It's always important to have an information page about your muse, but especially so when that muse might not be a well-known one. You can link to a fandom wiki page for more information, but don't just link and leave it at that. Like your headcanons, information pages tell others how you write the muse. Tell people all the relevant information about your muse you can think of, with a secretive one, you'll want to leave some details out, but can still go over otherwise important aspects of their life. Let them know what makes the muse interesting, who they are as a person, what they look like, their age, occupation(s), likes and dislikes, and significant events in their life that shaped them. On this page, you can link tags for your headcanons or even an about tag for more information.

A verse page is going to be important for this muse, you'll want to have a few options up before interacting. This is where you come up with how your muse fits into other universes and open up the opportunity for those interactions. Pick some fandoms you're interested in doing crossovers with, then consider who your muse is within those fandoms (how are they different here, how are they the same, what canon events shaped them, etc.), and write out some details that make them a natural feeling part of the universe. You can even put down some plot ideas at the end of each to give others stepping stones to interaction. Once you start accumulating headcanons for these verses, you can link that unique tag here for them to get even more ideas.

You want to be certain that these pages are easy to find so that people will actually access them. On tumblr's app and the mobile version of the site it can be difficult to impossible to use regular blog navigation. Making a pinned post that remains at the top of your blog is a great way to provide those links for all users quickly. You can also reiterate on this post some of your most important rules, like age of interaction and your preferred RP style (oneliner, para, multipara, novella).

Regarding approaching others, the best idea is always to go have a look at their rules first.

Most muns will put in their rules how they want to start up RP and be contacted. For example, some want to be contacted only through an ask instead of tumblr's IM, or others don't want to be contacted until they've followed you back and you're now mutuals. If someone is mutuals only and they don't follow back, it's the better idea not to contact them even if they do not have that instruction in their rules.

If everything seems good in the rules as to contacting them, you're both mutuals if required, etc., then approaching politely with an idea is best. Something like, "Hello! I'd love to get something started. I think that my muse's x verse might work out great, if you're interested, we could plot or I could send you a meme, whatever is your preference." If you enjoyed a headcanon of theirs or have come up with an idea incorporating something from their wishlist (or just come up with a good idea in general) definitely mention those things! You want to express that you're interested and like their muse without unintentionally coming off as pushy or like they're going to be solely responsible for coming up with an idea for interaction.

Unfortunately, a hell of a lot of muns have had very nasty experiences anymore. If they come off as a bit cold at first, don't take it personally, they're very likely just playing it safe until they've gotten a chance to get to know you better. Some of those bad experiences have been other muns demanding interaction and refusing to take no for an answer, and it isn't right, but sometimes, the next person can get caught in the crossfire. Don't take things like muns blocking you after declining personally either. They're not trying to be offensive, they're trying to be defensive, minimizing the chance that they'll be treated poorly for declining. And if someone has a bad attitude with you for doing exactly what you're supposed to be doing? Well, at least you found out that this person sucks before you started writing with them! Block them and try not to let it put a damper on things for you.

Again, just read the rules and be sure you're contacting people the way they want to be contacted. You will also run into muns who are either fine with you starting interaction by sending in a starter meme or who prefer that you do so. When you see a meme they've posted that fits with the muses and that you like, go ahead and send it in. I like to contact people first anyway, as I am both neurotic and plot-based only, but if you're comfortable just sending in a starter meme and running with it, go for it!

When following people, it's much the same. Read their rules before following, this makes certain you're not going to have to unfollow as soon as you do read them and see that you're not right for each other. If someone's rules specifically cite aspects of your muse and/or writing as something they don't want to interact with, don't follow them. If they have rules that are contrary to yours, it really depends on the severity of that situation. Are all of them contrary? Don't follow. Only some very important ones? Still, don't follow. Are you willing to compromise on some less important rules that clash, as well as willing to address that with them so they know you are giving their rules preference? Then, yes, go ahead and follow them.

Rules are not always going to match up, but much of the time, that isn't a big deal so long as you're respectful of the differences and communicating with each other. However, what might have seemed like a minor difference to you might be a major one to the other mun. They might not be willing to interact or follow you back. It's just one of those things that happens because we've all got different comfort zones and things that are important to us.

This is one of those (too) many hot button issues in the RPC, but I feel like it is on the follower to adapt to the other blog's rules. I feel that way because the person following read those rules and decided they weren't an impediment to interacting in the first place. No, people shouldn't compromise on critical rules, like not interacting with minors when they have inappropriate content, but they should also have seen that, using that example, the blog was run by a minor, therefore, they haven't any business following. I mean things like seeing that a blog publishes its replies on a queue while you don't usually care for that and have this stated in your rules - in this situation, you knew the other mun was running on a queue, but decided it was worth it to you.

So, if it is a serious difference of comfort zones or the way you otherwise need to enjoy RP, don't follow. If it is something it won't bother you to compromise on and you'll be open about that with the other mun, go ahead and follow. And all of this is relevant because following is first, slightly less passive, form of establishing interaction and approaching another mun for RP. Being aware of the information they've provided you on their blog is a great first step, and once you make contact more directly, you can show them that you have read rules, about pages, verse pages, and/or headcanon posts by including this in your conversation. Mention something you enjoyed about any of these things, it puts people at ease to know you cared enough to actually read what they left for you!

It can take a little bit to find the right group of people, and that can be disheartening. Just know that none of it is personal, and you will find the right people eventually! Many times, all it takes is finding one person who works out great, then, their friends and mutuals are often happy to start interacting with you as well. Keep trying your best, stay positive, and find some sort of RP Side Quests to keep yourself entertained and into the whole thing when you've got few interactions. Things like elaborating on or updating headcanons, making whole new headcanons, exploring your characterization on your own by answering character development questions, writing some one-shots, and checking out new blogs around the RPC.

I think you've got the right outlook to make this work out great for you, and I hope you have a smooth learning experience and find some awesome mutuals quickly to get you started!

[rpbetter]

Hello! I have never rp'd on tumblr before, and while I'm interested in trying it out, my muse is from an incredibly small fandom that has almost no presence on tumblr, and as far as I know, rp blogs for that canon are nonexistent. Is trying to join the RP scene with such a character a good idea, since I would have to rely entirely on crossovers, or should I try something different? Thank you!

Hello!

Well, I'd say that it's really up to what is going to make it the best experience for you. Being in an incredibly small fandom like that presents challenges that might not be worth the effort, but that's dependent upon what you enjoy most about RP and how you enjoy RP.

It's possible to have a great time RPing a character from a fandom with a tiny base here, or even to enjoy RPing in a huge fandom you're not so fond of, leading you to not engage with much of it. The difference between that enjoyment is primarily what any given mun is most interested in doing in RP. If you are really inspired by the muse and writing them regardless of interaction with canons from the fandom or much fandom knowledge in those you interact with, it isn't going to negatively affect your enjoyment much at all. However, if you want to interact with canons/other canons, do story lines from or inspired by canon, and generally have a fandom-knowledgeable atmosphere, it's likely to not be a very good time for you.

With the situation as it is, you're right, you would be relying on crossovers and fandomless characters for interaction. If you find muns who both know and like your fandom, though, you'll still be able to do plots in your character's universe! It'll still be, technically, a crossover, as the other muse isn't from your canon, but I've had plenty of crossovers who have fit seamlessly into canon universes. Sometimes, you even get more interest in canon from those doing crossovers in it! Muns not participating in RP as a character from the fandom have a tendency to not rely purely on fanon and the same ten ideas for plots that everyone else is doing. Depending on how you feel about these things, it could be an even better time.

Again, though, if interacting directly and only within fandom elements is your dream for writing this muse, it isn't a good idea, no. You'll just be shooting yourself in the foot, unfortunately. The interactions you want simply are not there, you will expend the effort to create a blog and put your muse out there only to never get what it is you're wanting.

If I were you, I would give it a shot, but that's based on how I enjoy RP. It doesn't matter much to me that I'm interacting with canons or having a majority of the threads be involved in my canon's world, I'm enjoying myself getting to write the muses. That isn't how everyone feels, though, and I know how frustrating it can be to want to write with another canon and do those plots. I say you try to figure out how happy you'll be based on your options and how they pair up with what you want to be doing in RP.

If it sounds like it'll be fun to create many AU verses for your muse to allow for interaction with as many fandoms as possible (that you enjoy! Don't make verses to interact with fandoms you don't really want to be involved with just because you need interactions, it won't make you happy in the end), you'll enjoy interacting with different canon universes and their characters, and you can be just as excited about finding a fleshed-out OC to join you in your canon, then it's a great idea and you should do it!

But if all of that sounds like a lot of effort for minimal reward, it's an awful idea. It is more effort to get interactions writing a muse from a small, essentially nonexistent fandom, I'm not going to try to tell you it isn't. If it makes you feel any better, getting the right interactions is a major effort in massive fandoms! There might be twenty iterations of a canon you want to interact with, but not one of them RPs the way you do, some are on hiatus, some write the character in ways you don't adhere to, and a couple of them have hateful DNIs. Being in a big fandom is not a promise of getting what you want easily either! But, putting your muse out there when other RPers don't know them and there isn't a base of interested muns can be challenging. It will require you to be patient and to approach a lot of muns for RP before you have a foundation of mutuals to interact with...and even then, if you enjoy having a ton of action with a ton of different people, it's still not likely to be enjoyable for you. You might only have three or four reliable writing partners for this muse, and maybe that's alright with you, maybe it isn't.

Ultimately, this has to be based on the variable of yourself! So, consider how you enjoy RP, what steps you'll need to take to gain interactions, the type of characters you'll be interacting with, number of mutuals you need, what you are envisioning as the RP situation that'll make you happy, and how much you're willing to compromise (and for how long). If it seems like you'll still be enjoying yourself despite the challenges and your concerns, it's not a bad idea at all! If it seems like you'll just be frustrated, bored, and disappointed, it's not the right choice. In the case of the latter, at least you do sound like picking other options isn't going to be a devastating blow for you, that's great! Maybe there is another character and fandom you could get into first? Then, you can have an easier time learning the ropes of RPing on tumblr while enjoying yourself, and once you're comfortable, you can test run the other muse. Having a muse you will be more active on and one that you will be less so on is often a good way of getting what you want while not becoming bored and frustrated.

I hope you have a great time RPing here, whatever choice ends up being the right one for you! Like all RPCs, tumblr has its problems, but it's a great community once you get established and find the good people within it. There are a lot of wonderfully creative and kind muns out there! I'm certain there are some that would find your character interesting if it's the right choice to proceed. Just try to be sure the muse is appealing. Fleshed-out, high ability to be interacted with, interesting verses to make it possible to do crossovers, etc.

Best of luck to you, and if you have any questions about RPing that come up, you are always welcome to drop in again!

[rpbetter]

Most recent Anon, don't worry about it, you're not bothering me at all! Blocklist cultivation is an excellent hobby to have, I appreciate those unfortunately necessary contributions. I hope you're staying away from the harassment circus!

[rpbetter]

That was an excellent solid you did, Happy Dance Anon, thank you! I can and will block away now! I am very sure that I had one similar to that URL blocked in the past, but it wasn't that exact version. Stunning, the degree of cleverness going on there, amiright?

Thank you again!