#but i love hypothesising i love wondering i love when it HURTS MY HEART SOOOO BAD <3

[feline-evil]

Thinking about Kaz. Again.

Thinking about Pre (and during the early moments of) Peacewalker Kaz as a man with no home, nowhere to belong, nobody left to know him and the kind of void that leaves a man with; and thinking about Kaz's promiscuity in the 70's and layering both thoughts over themselves and nodding and going Yeah. Yeah. That could be something. Boy did it feel like it could fill that black hole inside you for just a moment when skin touched skin, hot and sweaty, endorphins flooding your brain. Did it feel like you could belong by someones side for a while if you lay beside them in bed after, gasping for air back in your lungs. Did nails digging in to your back and teeth on your neck make you feel wanted for once, did it make you feel like you were something solid, flesh and blood not just mist to slip through the worlds fingers and drift on to somewhere new. Did you lie there each time as you came down from it wishing you could say the feeling lingered but knowing it didn't, that yet again you felt alone even with another body beside you, that yet again you had to go. you had to leave. Keep moving, find another moment, another flash in a pan another spark in a cold dead night to feel it again, to connect mouth to mouth body to body just so you could stave off feeling that freezing emptiness for just thirty minutes more. And then you met a man who hit like a truck, fists and body and mouth like nothing else; just as angry and hurt as you, arm round your neck, constricting like a boa, wanting you as his so bad he wouldn't give in until he had you. And i bet that was just the perfect storm to really make you sink your teeth in and hold on for dear life because finally you have SOMETHING; and you don't even know that it's the very thing that's signing the final note in the inescapable tragedy that is your life. You think him and all you'll do together is a light at the end of the tunnel but baby boy that's a freight train's headlights barreling your way, and you're too infatuated in your own little fucked up way to even care.