#but i only ended up writing from liyan's point of view becos she's

[onceuponanaromantic]

Learning to Burn

           Liyan has to say that of all the things she was surprised by, the fact that Feiying was getting married before her was one of the most significant.

             Granted, it was to a demon, and it was taking place in Hell, but given that Liyan had never expected Feiying to get married or even get into a romantic relationship at all, the fact that Feiying was getting married was surprising.

             It wasn’t the only surprising thing about this whole situation of course. The surprising and unexpected things about this situation were numerous, not least limited to the fact that she had given Feiying’s eulogy at her funeral. The fact that she had mourned Feiying for the last three years and had only finally started the process of not having nightmares about watching Feiying die and not being able to stop it, when the wedding invitation appeared on that fateful day was a significant factor of course.

             It had been a terrible death, not least because Feiying had been so young when she had died (or appeared to die). A sudden fall, a heart that stopped beating, bones broken, blood spilling like paint over the site of the crime. The police had said foul play, suspected it, said as much to the reporters when the case had finally broken into the news. But the culprit had never been caught and they had been forced to rule it as a suicide.

             (Despite it all, Liyan had been screaming and yelling that Feiying wouldn’t have killed herself to everyone who would hear her. Everyone had put it down to denial, to a soul torn by grief. Feiying, at one point, had been called her other half. They had never gone more than a day without talking to each other, not since they had become friends. Liyan had been questioned non-stop, even suspected of causing her death, if not for the fact that no one really believed that Liyan could have killed Feiying.

             Liyan had held on to that conviction. It was hard, when she had been the one called when they found the body. To identify her, they said.

             The unseeing eyes and the bloodied, broken body haunted her dreams. That was not her Feiying. That was not her lively, clever Feiying. It couldn’t be.)

             Ash, as Feiying called herself, had promised to explain before the wedding. She had killed herself to escape, the letter said. And she could not apologise enough. She had faked her own death, with the help of her now-fiancée, and absconded to Hell. She had cloned her body, and then pushed it over the edge of a cliff. She had no other way to escape her parents. Not her parents, who had so many contacts, that she would never be free. She could not leave any other way.

             (When it had all finally sunk it, Liyan had cried, under the deluge of emotions. She had cried and begged and screamed. Feiying couldn’t have just abandoned her like that. Didn’t Feiying know she would have found her a way to escape? That she would have broken all the laws in the Penal Code herself, risked her own imprisonment if it would free Feiying.

             She had remembered a conversation, long ago when they were both in Secondary school. The edges of her memory of the conversation were crumpled and faded with time. Feiying had been telling her about demons, telling her about the offers she had received from spirits to leave for the spirit world. Or Hell. To leave. Back then, Liyan had laughed it off. Of course, Liyan had known of Feiying’s dealings with the supernatural.

             “If I were to fake my death and go to Hell, what would you think?”

             Liyan had stopped to consider. “Well, maybe I would be a little upset. But at the end of the day, I think I would understand and be okay with it. Just tell me okay? You have my permission to fake a death.”

             Feiying smiled, flopping down into the corner of sunlight at the edge of the AVA room.

             Well, that conversation had certainly bitten her in the ass.)

             The wedding itself was nothing like Liyan had expected from a wedding set in Hell. The demons of Night had helped to explain the traditions. Liyan was Ash’s family in the wedding, as were Caihong, Autumn and Seph. Phoenix had been co-opted by Ash’s fiancée.

             Liyan didn’t know what to make of Koschei of Night. Koschei seemed to care for Ash, and seemed to be a good partner. But Koschei had also facilitated Feiying’s departure.

             Liyan wasn’t even sure what to make of Ash. Ash spoke with a slight accent, something unfamiliar to her voice that Liyan didn’t think of when she thought of Feiying. Ash spoke the tongue of Hell, but she spoke it slower than the demons, and she sometimes asked the demons to repeat themselves.

             Given that Liyan didn’t even speak any part of it, or understand any part of it, she found herself confused by Ash. She could see Feiying in Ash sometimes, edges which reminded that this was once her best friend. The person she could have sworn was the other half of her soul. Moments like when she made jokes and puns and referenced events in the quickfire way they always used to.

             But Feiying would never pick up flames slowly, holding a little flame in her palm, not a candle but a flame. Ash did. Feiying would never hesitate before speaking fast and sure. Ash did. Feiying would never have stopped before turning to her to say something, knowing that Liyan would know what she meant immediately. Ash did.

 Feiying would never have abandoned Liyan. Ash did.

 Liyan picks up the knife that she would press into Ash’s hands, before she will hold Ash’s hands and pass the knife (which is called a ren, she remembers) to Koschei of Night. In some ways, she understood hell customs, and recognised that the demons were including human traditions in the wedding so it wasn’t entirely unfamiliar.

 The rituals would be in both English and Hell’s tongue, for their benefit of them. Ash would be in a wedding dress and she would have a bouquet (though granted the bouquet was of hell flowers.) Liyan would walk with Ash down the aisle (which apparently was not a thing in normal Hell weddings either.)

 Liyan spends and will spend most of her time with Ash. Ash is good company, and it’s easy to lean into her company sometimes. It’s easy to relax, to banter about everything from art. Liyan smacks Ash when Ash explains that demons have cloning technology, exclaiming and complaining about how much having that kind of technology is wasted on Ash. Ash laughs back, responding that Liyan said the same thing with the Apple Pencil and Ash using it for Chinese notes and didn’t that turn out alright? Liyan will scowl, and complain that technology and expensive software is wasted on someone who writes in fountain pen and wood pencils.

 And then Ash will respond that she doesn’t use wood pencils because they keep dropping into the fires when she gets distracted and Liyan will be reminded that it’s Feiying and not Ash.

 But Ash smiles at her the same way Feiying used to. Ash’s humour is sharp and cutting, and she can’t go an hour without making a bad pun which makes Liyan snort and kick her. Ash grins back when Liyan calls her an asshole, and hugs her. Ash is still bony and short when Liyan picks her up, and she giggles, as Liyan nearly drops her again.

 Ash is a person that Liyan thinks she will come to know the same way she came to know Feiying. Liyan thinks she can come to love Ash the same way she once loved Feiying. She may not know Ash, but she didn’t start of knowing Feiying either. And they will need to talk, and Liyan will need to tell Ash about her hurt and pain, and that will come in time.

 Liyan had to say that of all the things she was surprised by, the fact that Feiying was getting married before her was one of the most significant.

 But it wasn’t Feiying getting married, was it? It was Ash.