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#but i read a quite good Luke Grappling With Vader fic and while not directly applying it did make me think
cosmik-homo
·
9 months
Text
Lying in bed crying about Alfred's fucked up identity situation
#usually im like. Understandable But Still Yuck about his Samah Apologisms in the epilogue
#but i read a quite good Luke Grappling With Vader fic and while not directly applying it did make me think
#about how much i feel it's because of how Alfred still measures himself compared to Samah
#in a fucked up way.
#and how so much of his Issues- this is about the serpent mage emotional abuse but also In General i think he definitely
#has some childhood baggage that the whole Last Sartab This Is All On You thing only. Enhanced into the complete. emotional ruin we meet
#but all of that. All Of That is about Inadequacy it's about not being Enough in a society that justified it's crimes by its perfection
#and then he detaches himself from that and chooses to align himself with the patryn. and.
#you know. like. the sartan goverment did do awful things and v much everyone is complicit in privilege ways
#but People Are People is the point of the series but the point of the series is also it takes time to drill that point in and this kind of
#trauma and hesitance of the oppressed group is v reasonable and worth respecring in some ways.
#you know realisticlly he's gonna have to smile politely while people accept his existence as An Outlier To The Still Ancient Enemy cuz
#'you aren't really... (vauge handwave at all his stuff) A Real Sartan' and he isn't going to DEFEND HIS EMOTIONAL CONNECTION TO SARTANESS
#TO A BUNCH OF LABYRINTH DWELLERS HE'S BARELY GONNA SEE AGAIN.
#like even if he wasn't World's Most Confrontation Averse- who would do that
#so he's just. yknow. forced to qgain internalize in a way this basic fear or belief he has
#and even if he can now build himself a self worth that isn't tied to being A Good Sartan- and he can and he will-
#that's still tearing something away so much from a new direction?
#AND DON'T GET ME STARTED HOW THIS. LITERALLY CONNECTS WITH HAPLOS CORE CHARACTER CONCEPT
#MAN WHO SHREDS HIMSELF TO BITS TO BE WHAT HIS SOCIETY WANTS A PATRYN MAN TO BE AND NOTHING MORE
#AND. (gender redacted) who CAN'T. who is too much of all the wrong things but too little of the right ones-
#actually no that's the goddamn serpent mage he IS a sartan ideal but
#he isn't Granted that.
#idk. he's just. his home is a person because they are literally so woven together into one story
#but also. haplo very much gets his own community still belonging in and his love interest and. and Alfred just kind of has this.
#both worlds and neither situation.
#& hes disabled and effeminate and His People are gone and his people are right across the street and may or may not be inventing new slurs
#for him.
#OH AND HE GETS A GOOD PERFECT USEFUL BODY HE ISN'T SUPPOSED TO OVERUSE OR GET ADDICTED TO THE SOCIAL ACCEPTANCE OF.
#just. how do you expect him to believe Samah was wrong about him if everyone agrees- he just Can't Be Enough?
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