#but im still so just. distraught by how somber the tone is. even with the s1 crew goofing around its just so. oof.

[dearosamu]

DESPERADO - APELPISIA

SYPNOSIS: she, a dancer with personified problems all the while more that intrigues osamu dazai who came into her life amidst the chaos that is [name] [last name].

WARNING/S: none

nine - ten

"so?"

with arms linked around dazai, [name] gives him a curious glance. "what?"

"how was it? were you pleased throughout this day?

the female nods. "yeah. it's safe to say i enjoyed it. you're surprisingly not you when you're not aroused."

dazai pouts at her comment, with the female snickering at his crestfallen expression. "i'm kidding. you're a gentleman. i just didn't expect this from you." she smiles as they continue to walk in the direction of her home. she still had to pick up yumeno from gin's place after all.

dazai contemplates asking her his question for a moment, unsure if he would get a positive response. he decides against his doubt. "then if possible," he pauses, warily gazing into her [e.c] irises.

"what is it?"

".. could we do this again?" he murmurs. hesitation crept onto her face, worry and doubt edging through within a mirror like image of herself.

"dazai, you understand that i -"

"don't do love, yes, i know. you've told me that like, twice now," he sighs as he attempts to hide his disappointment. he stopped walking by this point, making the female stop abruptly so. [name] gives him a moment to recollect himself, noticing how his hand seemed to tremble the slightest bit. he appeared nervous. which was unlike of the man, seeing how she was used to his calm, almost smug and carefree persona.

"at first i thought i didn't even know id be able to feel that again," he continues. the female blinks at him, frowning slightly.

"but i guess i was wrong."

"you're telling me you have feelings for me?"

"how else am i going to describe it?"

she bites her lip upon the upcoming question waiting to be spewed from her mouth. she was afraid of what his answer was going to be.

"do you see yourself with me for the long run?"

"yes." dazai gives an answer almost immediately. he didn't hesitate. as if he was expecting her to ask him that. it caught [name] off guard, removing her hold on his arm as her face flushes to the slightest shade of red.

for once, the [h.c] haired female was rendered speechless. dazai took her silence as a bad sign and continued to spew words that came onto his mind.

"i mean, i enjoy being with you. i like spoiling you. i feel like i've bonded with yumeno too. and if you'd let me," he clears his throat, preparing himself if he were to be rejected.

"i want to become some kind of father figure for him." [name] stares at him with astonishment. his eyes showed utmost sincerity. she might even say he was way more flustered than her at this point.

"you'd do that for us?" he nods, linking his arms with her once again and saunters forward. unbeknownst to him, a small gentle smile curled up on her lips.

"in that case, i'd love to go on another date with you."

dazai doesn't spare her a glance - he didn't want her to see the blossoming flush on his face. he didn't know why, but he felt his chest enter a frenzy state of ecstasy.

--

how dazai wished he could capture this moment. face flushed and lips agape in shock. she looked adorable all flustered.

"w-what was that for?"

"a goodnight kiss. on the forehead," he grins. he'd have to thank oda for suggesting such a romantic gesture to end the night. it really was unlike him, but he was willing to do small changes. all for her.

"how charming." she moves to unlock the door.

"well, thank you aga-" she was quickly cut off as a small push of force nearly knocked her off her feet, dazai placing a hand on the small of her back to help maintain her balance.

"woah! im sorry!!" exclaimed yumeno. he seemed to have ran from somewhere all the to the front door, gin followed closely behind, giving an apologetic gaze towards the female.

"sorry [name], he got all excited when you called to pick him up."

"it's alright. thanks again so much for sparing time to care of this lil' brat," she ruffles the messy two-toned locks of yumeno.

"don't mention it. i don't do much other than tend to my brother's home. he's always at work. he basically married to it already." she hands [name] yumeno's doll.

"almost forgot this."

[name] gives a small smile. "i'll give you your payment once i get this one home first, okay?"

"by all means, take your time. i'm not going anywhere. i'm always here if you need someone to watch over him." gin waves a small goodbye as [name], along with yumeno are escorted back into their home by dazai.

[name] lets yumeno go in first, leaning against the door frame to bid dazai a farewell.

"this is me," she pauses, leaning up to plant a small kiss near the corner of his lips. she pulls away, smiling at his flabbergasted expression. he looked much cuter this way.

"good night, dazai."

the brunette saunters away from the steps of [name]'s home, passing by gin's place, waving to the woman. "i take it that things went well?" she points to the corner of her lips, noticing the little stain of lipstick smudged on his own. dazai makes no move of removing the little smudge of red on his face, grinning at the younger akutagawa sibling.

"you could say that. still need payment for being nanny for a day?"

she waves his comment offhandedly. "i suggest leaving [name] to take care of it. believe me, she'll probably fight you over this."

"well, you're not entirely wrong."

"she prides herself being a single independent mom. she's just that kind of person. she's really great."

dazai nods, agreeing with her words.

[name] was simply one of a kind.

--

"so are you guys official yet or what?" akutagawa asks, voice slightly muffled as he had his phone in between his shoulder, hands busy with stirring a bowl filled with cookie dough.

"nope. but she agreed to go on another date. still a win for me," dazai echoes. he believed he made good progress. she was all chipper and relaxed.

"i think i'm making good changes - progress? i hope." akutagawa hums in approval. "gin told me about it yesterday when you both stopped by to get yumeno. i happen to think you did well since twelve years-"

"hey, you shush with that!" dazai silences akutagawa before he could drawl on about his previous dating experience. "i'm fine with taking the compliment instead, thank you very much." he continues, sarcasm dripping in his words.

he hears the younger male snicker over the other line. "yeah, okay. whatever you say."

"anyway, are you gonna stop by?"

"well, duh. i'm baking something right now though. shouldn't take more than a couple of minutes."

"great," dazai replies. "make sure to save some chocolate chip for me though. i'll be getting home a little late."

"alright, see you then."

--

"what is it?" dazai communicates through his telecom.

"sir, there appears to be a woman looking for you. a woman named [name] [last name]." dazai nearly sprints out of his office as soon as he heard his secretary utter her name. he made quick, long strives to the elevator to get to the ground floor.

he sees that she was standing idly near the reception desk, anxiety and distress were apparent on her features. they quickly dissipated once her eyes met with dazai. "d-dazai!" she moves closer to him, all jittery laced with alarm.

"[name], what's the matter?" he inquires with care, worry evident on his face as he runs a hand up and down her arm to calm her down.

"can we please talk about it somewhere private?" her voice was small as she requested the brunette for a much more less crowded place. dazai didn't say another word, opting to take her with him to his office instead.

the pair were silent, advancing through the halls until they've reached his office. once they've reached it, dazai closes the door and sits down on one of his office couches, gesturing to [name] to sit beside him. she walked over in the spur of the moment, crawling over to his lap, head buried in his chest as she takes a deep breath. she seemed so distraught, dazai noted. he'd have to let her relax a bit more before he could ask questions.

he had wrapped his arms around her, comforting her in a sense of saying she'd be safe in his arms. no one could harm her. they stayed in that position for a few minutes before she decided to speak up.

"i.. i didn't think i'd see him again." "who?"

"yumeno's father .." she replies somber in a whisper. her lips trembled as she continued. "i-i thought that he'd m-move somewhere else! b-but .. i saw him. i saw him with his- his wife .." she takes another deep inhale of air to calm her nerves.

"but why are you so shaken at this? could you please explain?" dazai asks, running a hand through [h.c] locks, tugging away at tangled hair. he hoped it would somehow calm and distract her enough to explain.

"it was a while ago. i had gotten in a relationship with this guy. i fought for him, you know?" a few tears escaped her eyes. "but i was too stupid. too dumb. i'd fallen for him more than he had for me." she wipes off her fallen tears with aggression, furious at the fact she still spared tears for the man.

dazai remained silent, only tightening his hold on her at her fragile state.

"i didn't mean for any of it to go that far. we were .. so careful. i was so young back then, i didn't realize. then i had yumeno. i thought he'd be happy for me. the only thing was," she pauses, choking back a sob waiting to spill out. "i didn't know he had a wife. i only found out a few months after i had yumeno. he had lied about everything. to both me and her. he's abandoned me. he wanted to take yumeno from me and i .."

[name] stopped, her form shaking with eyes shut tight. she couldn't bare going on. dazai takes her head and places it against his shoulder, placing one hand on her back to rub comforting circles around it. her muffled cries and tears stained his blazer, but he couldn't care much about it in this moment.

"you're scared they might try taking yumeno from you again?"

he feels her shake her head. "i was positive i was done with them. i thought they'd just move on and forget about it. or maybe i'm just being paranoid .." she mutters.

"i just wishes yumeno had a better family for a happier life."

"hey," dazai cups her cheek, tilting her head up to meet his eyes. "don't say that. i assure you, yumeno is far better off with you than those two. " he reassured.

"he's more than lucky to have you." his soft tone and look of fondness had the woman in his arms shaken to her core. her tears had dried up, chest swarming with an emotion she'd describe as yearning.

"listen, i get if you don't want to, but i still stand by what i said," dazai spoke carefully. "you could always come live with me. you won't have to work at that club anymore."

"dazai, i .."

"you don't have to if you don't want to," he places one hand on her left shoulder. "i'm always here for you."

she stares right back at him with an emotion he couldn't perceive. he sighs, mulling over his words. "before you say that you're 'just going to be a burden', believe me, you're not. and you won't ever be."

"i want you to understand that i'm in love with you." he let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. dazai squirmed a bit in his seat, uncomfortable with the fact that he didn't know what she was thinking.

"y-you're in love with me?" before dazai could respond, she spewed out words that came to her mind, too overwhelmed.

"why? why me? i've been so rude to you and disrespectful. i -" dazai makes the move of cupping her jaw, successfully silencing her worrisome train of thought.

"you make me feel all kinds of things. my  heart aches for you. it's been a while, you know? pining over you," he chuckles.

"i feel them everyday. i sure as hell don't want it to stop."

the female makes the move of placing a chaste kiss on his lips, moving them ever so softly. they molded splendidly against his. it wasn't a way to silence the talkative brunette, nor was it intense or too rough. it was loving. filled with ardor and raw emotion.

he felt her warmth all over.

he wanted more of it.