#but in a totally different manner than Takayama leading Karasuma out

[birdmenmanga]

not to psychoanalyse myself on main but I think this actually breaks down why reishi speaks to me specifically because I interpret post-canon Karasuma as a career-oriented man with this vague Greater Purpose of Making Things Better for Birdmen and like. I'm a known projector onto eishi and it's like yeah. can you handle it? can you handle me sitting at my desk for weeks just drawing and drawing and drawing, rarely ever getting to have fun and spend quality time with me? can you handle the constant parallel play we're going to go through? are you going to be okay with the fact that you will not be my greatest priority because I have this nebulous Greater Purpose in life?

I do really like takaeishi in canon because I think eishi DOES need that lesson in accepting uncertainty and becoming more flexible and able to compromise. it's the culmination of his whole character arc, finally setting boundaries without controlling the other person by changing his own behavior (I won't tell you not to go BUT I am letting you know I can't go with you) and I have no complaints there. I think it's an important sort of narrative to tell, that these two guys might love each other but are still able to draw that line between "being reasonably devoted to you" and completely giving up on your own values in a love-conquers-everything finale

but I think that's why it doesn't really scratch the sort of wish fulfillment I personally crave because it's not the bit about going to the next world that's negotiable. I know I'm going there. I am asking you to go there with me. I crave the comfort of knowing I have someone who will stand in my corner no matter what

at the same time I understand it's not a glorious thing. the idea of having someone like that doesn't make me happy, per se. I'm very well aware that it's a tragedy, not just for Sagisawa but for Karasuma as well. like obviously the part where Sagisawa is perpetually mildly dissatisfied and unfulfilled in this relationship, but also. I'm so sorry I can't love you the way you want me to and the way you deserve to be loved. I think it's why Karasuma ends up aromantic in these situations because I don't really know how to narratively express this feeling I have of "loving you but not right or not enough"

but yeah basically i think takaeishi is about accepting uncertainty and changes in your partner and knowing when you've walked as far as you can go with it, while reishi is about being okay with walking down that path until the very end despite everything you'll lose. because even when you've been abandoned by your god, you'll always have your dog. you know?