#but it does annoy me that it does mean they cut out some of Alina's character complexity which she didn't have much of to begin with

[thewillowbends]

Halfway through S&S, and I'm here to tell you guys the reason Mal drives you guys insane isn't because he's that toxic, really. There's some bad writing around him, but I can see what Leigh was trying to do having him be the moral heart of the series, the person who keeps Alina steady when she's pushing the limits of her own ethics. (Which is, fundamentally, a mild gender reverse of what we typically see in most stories, right? I'm not joking when I say I think she was inspired by The Hunger Games because there's a lowkey Peeta/Gale vibe with the love interests here and how they reflect moral pathways Alina could have taken. The Darkling even has grey eyes, lmao.)

He annoys you because he keeps Alina from being the dark protagonist this story needed her to be. I mean, there are other ways he's annoying in that his feelings about her powers isn't mixed (wouldn't you feel disturbed that the very same power by which your friend saved your life now seems to be destroying her? wouldn't it make your feelings on the situation really complex?). Beyond the fact that the moral landscape of this series really needed an adult story to thoroughly explore its nuances, there's the fact that the ultimate fate of this character really needed Alina to go to the edge. Ideally, it should have happened in S&B, but it could have happened here....and it just doesn't happen. He's the voice pulling her back, which is fine, but a story about the corrosive influence of power really needs a protagonist who is violating our own ideas of what's acceptable and making us question whether this story has any real heroes, whether everybody is just kind of fucked because Morozova's legacy is one of greed, and everyone who gets involved gets swept up in that feverish rush of his ambition.

So what happens is that, instead of doing anything truly meaningfully, morally reprehensible on the scale a fantasy series requires, she's just kind of an asshole. And not even an asshole who's interesting. S&B Alina was prickly, anxious, fast to make judgements, desperate to feel important and wanted...and all of that was fine because she was seventeen and immature. Those qualities could have been matured into something interesting, like having her become increasingly aware of how dangerous her life was as a Grisha and the saint, something that would start her down a path similar to the Darkling (i.e. power is both a boon and target your back, so you have to protect yourself against everyone). There's even like...the implications of this in S&S with her being legitimately freaked out by how people are sanctifying her, selling chicken bones claiming they're hers. (How on Earth did Leigh miss the obvious parallel there between an amplifier and a saint? They're both more valuable dead than alive!) She already has that anger in her, the same anger that the Darkling has learned to bury and fashion into a weapon that drives him. It just needed to be allowed to foster into something meaningful.

And she just...doesn't grow. Her awareness never goes beyond how events are affecting her. She never starts to understand what drives the Darkling beyond just seeing the boy in him. Her sense of responsibility to all of these Grisha who chose their country over years of loyalty and admiration of the Darkling never develops past how they're useful to her mission. (Hmm, sounds familiar, right?) Worst of all, she simply....gets all the prickly, unlikable characteristics of a character who could tip over into some really shitty behaviors but none of the actually interesting actions that make the Darkling a terrible but deeply compelling villain.

S&S Alina shouldn't have been told to kill the sea whip out of mercy by Mal. She needed to do it without prompting, showing us a jump from S&B's moment with the stag where mercy is something she's slowly realizing she can't afford anymore - or maybe doesn't care to maintain. S&S Alina needed to fulfill the promise of that girl who crippled the skiff in a moment of panic and fear to save herself and the man she loves. She needed to be more of the girl who was infatuated by the power the collar the Darkling gave her, so he becomes a complex figure who empowered her to dark ends, while Mal is the good man with a good heart who ultimately held her back unknowingly. The story is too afraid to go there, too afraid to ask the reader to forgive their protagonist if she crosses too far of a line, mostly because it refuses to forgive it in its antagonist...which should be a warning to all of us about what happens when you create a zero sum game where redemption isn't an option. Because in the end, Alina winds up committing the worst character offense of all: she's annoying.

[sellyoursoulforagoodfic]

Orphan of Shadows Chapter 9

Kaz Brekker x ShadowSummoner!Reader

Word Count: 1911

Summary: Realizations, realizations, realizations . . .

In the brief moment you saw Kaz as he delivered your evening meal while posing as a guard, you found out that Jesper, too, had seen Alina, meaning that all of the Crows were on the same page. It saved you the trouble of trying to describe her, so you nodded, pleased.

“What does the security situation outside my room look like?” you asked, picking through the food on the tray. It didn’t escape your notice that the fruit laid out as a side consisted of your favorites. Was it just a  coincidence? Unlikely, given the scarcity of Kerch produce in East Ravka. Meaning Kaz had to have . . .

“Two guards posted,” he replied, cutting off your thought process. “Allegedly, the Sun Summoner’s rooms are down the hall, so their attention is mostly focused there.”

Since this was supposed to be a simple food delivery, time was running short. You elected not to ask too many questions. Instead, you announced, “I’ll make my escape during the fête, then.”

“Jesper is securing our ride out of here; meet him in the stables.”

“I thought we were keeping my presence a secret.”

“Once we have her, we’ll either not need the backup plan at all or we’ll need you present, so meet him there.”

“Yes, Boss.”

“He didn’t hurt you, did he?”

To be blunt, Kaz looked as surprised at you that he asked that question; again, you chose not to comment. Instead, you simply replied, “A scratch, nothing more. He doesn’t know what I am.”

“Good.” And he was gone, leaving so many questions in his wake.

That was such a strangely intimate question from Kaz Brekker of all people that you couldn’t help but wonder what it meant as you ate. Too many little moments like that were happening as of late. Was it possible that he too was feeling the same things that you were so pointedly not putting a name to?

The wall slamming open to reveal a guard you didn’t recognize standing in a secret passageway abruptly ended those musings.

“What the--”

“Come with me willingly or I’ll knock you out and make you,” she interrupted you.

You narrowed your eyes. “Where are you taking me?” you demanded even as you followed her into the dark passageway. Because of the single candle lantern she carried, the pair of you could hardly see. For most, this would be a disadvantage, but for you, it gave you a distinct edge. That edge soothed your nerves the tiniest bit. Abruptly, the walls opened up into what you thought was a room rather than a hallway.

“I wanted to have a word with you in private,” came a new voice from the darkness in front of you just beyond the lantern’s reach, “now that I’ve removed one weapon from the general’s hands. I can’t have him trading one for another.” An old woman stepped into view.

You couldn’t help but notice that she seemed to share some of her features with Kirigan. Related, perhaps? “I’m no one’s weapon,” you argued verbally if only to keep her talking until you had an escape plan.

“That’s not what it sounded like when you were chatting with that man masquerading as a guard that brought you your supper.”

Anger mixed with no small amount of fear washed over you. Kaz’s cover was blown. “That’s none of your business,” you snarled.

“It became my business when a grisha of unknown power showed up on my son’s doorstep to Saints only know what end.”

“You’re Aleksander’s mother?” Well, at least your observational skills were still up to par.

She scoffed. “Told you his name already, did he? Tell me, did he make you feel special?”

“Is this going somewhere?” Annoyed, that’s what you were feeling. Her patronizing tone reminded you far too much the few times you had to be in the same room as Pekka Rollins.

“Did he tell you were a clever little girl because you managed to keep your powers a secret from even him?”

“Not particularly.” Still, you could feel your temper spiking. As if you’d be so easily wooed by the handsome general just because he saved your life, as if you didn’t already have K--as if you didn’t have friends back home.

“What about the fact that he let you keep his precious kefta? That’s something no one else can claim; that was bound to get him into your good graces, after all.”

“Are you quite finished?” you demanded, arms crossed. “Saints, and I thought he had a shit poker face. I came here to thank him for saving my life all those years ago. Nothing more.”

Shadows started curling at the edge of the lantern’s halo of light, and you knew for certain that you weren’t the one causing it.

“You’re a shadow summoner,” you stated bluntly, eyes firmly locked onto hers. It made little sense; that power should have come from his father, the previous Black General. There was no reason for her to be like you. Still, you had places to be, so you resolved to ponder the possible implications later.

“Since we’re sharing secrets, why don’t you tell me yours?” She had an infuriatingly smug smile splitting her face.

Still you debated it, fingers tracing the feathers of your Dregs tattoo as you did so. “Have your dog fetch me my things, and I’ll show you.” You needed go get gone already, and telling this woman seemed to be the fastest way to accomplish that. Besides, considering that no one ever so much as whispered that Aleksander’s mother was also a shadow summoner, she knew how to keep a secret.

You raised an eyebrow as you made your shadow move without your body doing anything to prompt it. It separated from the wall to loom over you menacingly, peeling away like some sort of terrifying poster come to life.

“You’re a shadow summoner . . .” she breathed in seemingly genuine shock. “And you . . . How did you--No. You must be--”

“Uh-uh. If you’re about to start speculating about my family, I’m not interested. I’m an orphan. I’ve got all the family I need already.”

“That’s just as well,” she uttered, not entirely paying attention to you as she mumbled. “The relation wouldn’t be close, anyway; the descendent of my sister that somehow managed to inherit this specific power.”

“Still don’t care,” you informed her while swiping your belongings from her pet guard. “Are you going to let me leave since you don’t want me near your son?” Your shadow swelled in size threateningly. “Or is this about to get ugly?”

“When you leave, go back to whatever hole you crawled out of and never look back.”

“I’m never coming back to this fucking country if I can help it,” you swore. 

She nodded, eyes still trained on you. “Follow the right path; it’ll lead you to the stables.”

You returned the nod before darting off down the path. 

~

“Go ahead, ask me where the target is,” Jesper was teasing as you snuck up to the pitch black carriage.

You could see the tenseness in every part of Kaz’s body ease when you spoke up, “Okay, Jes, where’s the target?”

“There you are,” Kaz breathed.

“What are you doing here?!” Jesper shrieked as you climbed into the coach next to Kaz.

“Answers later, Jes,” Inej whispered, eyes darting around to make sure he hadn’t drawn any one’s attention. She sounded just as confused as the gunslinger, to be honest. “Get us out of here.”

~

“You!” Alina hissed as soon as she laid eyes on you once she’d clambered out of the chest. “You’re with them?!”

You shrugged. “I told you I’d see you again.”

“But you’re grisha!”

“Would you rather I be with the general?” Seemingly, Alina had no answer for that based on her silence. “Thought not. Now, we can help you out of here,” you started.

Kaz finished, “And work something out that’ll help both of us.”

“I’m through being anyone’s captive,” she snarled before promptly blinding the whole group with her light. Reflexively, you shielded your eyes and Kaz’s with your shadows to prevent whatever damage you could. You assumed the move didn’t go unnoticed since she followed up the attack with an indignant shout of, “You’re like them!” before taking off.

You banished your shadows back to their usual places as quickly as you could, hoping the others didn’t see.

Jesper was rubbing at his eyes when he asked, “What did--”

“Later,” Kaz snapped. “Find her.”

~

“So what are you doing here?” Inej asked once Alina had well and truly given all of you the slip.

“I asked her to come so we’d have a backup plan.”

“Fat lot of good that did us,” you scoffed after taking a drink.

It was impressive how quickly the flush bloomed on Kaz’s pale cheeks when Jesper teased, “You didn’t want to miss her, so you asked her to come along?”

You tapped your boot against Kaz’s, hoping the familiar gesture would comfort him at least slightly. “Leave it please, Jes,” you requested. If there were feelings between the two of you like the signs seemed to indicate, you wanted to figure out what they were before catching flak from the others. 

“So what did Alina mean when she said you’re like them?” Inej asked to change the subject.

Now you found yourself looking to Kaz for comfort which was a strange state of being to be in, to be sure. He nodded minutely and rested his boot against yours instead of the usual nudge before saying, “That is something we can discuss once we get back to Ketterdam.”

“So you know whatever it is?” she questioned, clearly looking for the affirmation that you weren’t about to turn traitor or something. It hurt a little, knowing she thought you capable of such a thing, but you understood her wariness given her past. 

Again, he nodded, this time to her. “I’ve known for quite a while.”

“Okay.” Her dark eyes locked onto yours. They were filled with fondness and sincerity as she said, “I trust you.”

“Yeah, so do I,” Jesper echoed.

“Thanks, guys.”

~

You’d been nervous when the group had to split up to handle the various people that the Darkling sent after you. You’d been terrified when it was only a pair of otkazat’sya chased after you. Why couldn’t it have been the heartrender? you thought to yourself at the time. You had the most powerful skillset for dealing with a group of people, and yet two people without powers were the ones that chased you. 

You became absolutely, heart-stoppingly terrified once you’d snuck down an alley and dealt with them because you realized by process of elimination that General Aleksander Kirigan was the one that had gone after Kaz and not one of the other grisha. You were almost frantic as you sprinted through the town looking for Kaz. Your shadow reached out in front of you with every step like it could find him before you did, but you didn’t reign it in; you couldn’t spare the energy. You had to save the man that you loved.

Immediately upon thinking that, you tripped, and it took all of your willpower to stay on your feet and keep moving forward. It was fine to admit it, at least mentally. You loved him. You loved Kaz Brekker.

Now you just had to find him before the Black General killed him.

[padme-parker]

Mizpah // the darkling x f!reader // ch 6

summary: given some time alone to think, the pieces begin to fall into place. you go to confront the darkling be he avoids you at any given cost, until one night you go into the one room you were never granted permission to enter.

warnings: cursing, talks about violence/torture and death, alcoholism

A/N: the truth finally comes out. This is all over the place bc I was trying to rush getting it out. 5.9k+ words and 12 pages later, here we are. not proofread, will comeback later to edit.

ANA KUYA’S voice echoed in the back of your mind as you laid on your cot, calling out for Mal and Alina as they ran away from her. It was the day Grisha came to the orphanage to find out if one of their own had been whisked away into a place like this. You examined the walls, cracks running up and down them. The windows barely opened, and when they did, they let out horrible screeches. Water leaked from the bathrooms, the annoying drip a constant on your mind.

Maybe you should’ve gotten up from your bed and got tested by a Grisha. Maybe then you wouldn’t have had to stay in such a run down orphanage. The Duke was rarely here, so no one really cared about his orphanage no matter how infamous he was. But being Grisha meant leaving Mal and Alina behind, something you couldn’t do because they had become your only family. Besides, Grisha don’t get sick, therefore you weren’t a Grisha.

You could never be a Grisha.

-

AS you phased into consciousness, you could hear someone muttering something in the background. Your hands were so cold, you reached out for something- anything that could give you warmth. You tried to blink away the blurriness of your eyes, nothing seemed to work. The person rushed to your side, clutching both of your hands in one as the other stroked your cheek.

“Go back to sleep.” He said, brushing your hair back. Closing your eyes, he assumed you had fallen asleep already. He resumed his mumbling, the words slowly becoming coherent as fell back asleep.

“It’s...too...soon..”

-

THE painful pounding of your heart had subsided as the Grisha left. Mal walked into the room followed by Alina, who was sporting a new wound on her palm that Ana Kuya had scolded her for.

“Come on, get up!” Mal urged, knowing from the look on your face that the pain had already left you.

“Where are we going?” You said eagerly, scooting to the front edge of your bed to lace up your boots.

“To the meadow.” That was all you needed to hear before running out the bedroom door. Mal and Alina’s footsteps padding behind. The three of you started a mildly competitive game of tag, the other two making sure you didn’t exert yourself.

In that moment, you were who you were supposed to be. Three children lying on the field, making stupid promises to each other.

“We can’t hide forever, but we can run.”

-

THIS time when you find yourself in a field, there’s a man laying next to you. It was the same man from your dream, shoulder length hair and clean shaven face.

“Aleksander?” He lets out a hm, awaiting your question. “Where am I?”

“What do you mean, my darling?” Aleksander- General Kirigan- or whoever the hell he was turned to look at you, laying one of his arms upon your stomach. His hand keeping a firm grip on your waist. From your peripheral view you could see him studying you.

He started with your eyes, taking in their color and your long lashes. He moved from the curve of your nose until he got to your soft, plump lips. You stared at the sky, afraid of what you would see, who you would recognize if you turned to face him.

“We’re at our meadow.”

-

WHEN you finally regain consciousness, you find yourself alone in a nearly dark room. Only one lantern had been lit up. It was just before dawn, you could see the sun beginning to peek out. Someone had changed you into a nightgown, you didn’t know who it was. Perhaps it was Alina or maybe the Darkling, maybe neither. Either way, you were thankful they decided to change you out of the robe you had fainted in.

With great struggle, you propped yourself up, your elbows taking the brunt of your weight. You crawled to the foot of your bed to put on your night slippers. The rug under your bed only went so far before it hit the cold floor. You slowly made your way to the desk, sitting yourself in front of the mirror.

The magic Genya had performed on you days ago had worn out by now. How long were you out for? The dark circles under your eyes had returned, seemingly worse. Your skin, although already dull, became more dull and pale. Whatever shine you originally had was gone. Your eyes look sunken in. While your hair was frail and also lost the shine that Genya gave it.

“Saints..” You whispered to yourself as you raked a hand through your hair. You were basically a dead person walking. You considered fetching a servant to bring you Genya, but decided against it. Throwing on a robe, you silently made your way to the war room, hoping to find the Darkling there. When you entered it remained empty, along with the bed he usually slept in. You walked the halls looking for one of his oprichniki, yet they weren’t around either.

There was no use in barging into his bedroom when it seemed like he was gone. Plus you didn’t want to invade his privacy knowing that he could have you killed for going into his room without permission if someone had seen you. You spotted one of the palace guards, walking up to him as you placed your hands into the pockets of your robe.

“Excuse me, do you happen to know where the General is?” You asked, staring into the guards eyes.

“He left a week ago, accompanied by his personal guards.” Was all he said, not disclosing why he had left. A week? Had you really been unconscious for a week? This usually never happened to you, not like this.

“Do you know when he’ll be back?”

“In a couple of days.” He said, not giving you an exact day. You quickly thanked him before making your way back to your room to change for the day. The dull ache of your heart was finally leaving, allowing for you to feel more like yourself. You were able to spot the sun in the sky as you finished changing. You thought about basking in its light when your stomach growled loudly.

I suppose I should eat, you thought. It’d been nearly a week since you were able to feed yourself, your last meal being breakfast. You could remember someone feeding you periodically throughout the week, now knowing the Darkling had left, it was most likely Alina. You rang for a servant, asking to be brought breakfast when she arrived. Surveying the room, you decided that the Darkling wouldn’t mind if you did a little retouching.

You moved the table towards the window, wanting to eat in the sunlight without having the harsh winter winds freeze you. Opening the curtain allowed for more sunlight to stream through, a grunt of triumph leaving your lips as you looked at your new setup.

The squeaky wheel of the servant’s cart alerted you of her presence, rushing to open the door before she could knock. You took the tray from her hands, closing the door with your foot as you skipped towards the table, eager to get some food in your system.

The food they had given you was practically the same, sweet pea porridge, a tall glass of water, and a bowl of grapes. It wasn’t your favorite, but you ate it anyway. Savouring the familiar crunch and sweetness of the grapes. Sitting in the sun had left you feeling giddy and warm, excited for summer when you would be able to go out whenever you could and feel the sun on your skin.

It was the same warmth you felt whenever the Darkling touched you, even when you saw him in your dreams, there had always been a lingering sense of familiarness-- and affection. You saw the look in his eyes just seconds before you passed out, the shock as you said his name, the concern visible in his eyebrows. Him whispering, stay with me, please. It was all foreign to you. In fact, his behaviour was strange to you.

You’ve always heard of the Darkling being cold, menacing, someone you had to fear. There were stories of him ruthlessly slaughtering the Drüskelle, using the Cut to separate multiple heads from bodies in a matter of seconds. Yet he welcomed you into his home without a second thought. He fed you, gave you clothing and a place to sleep, even gave you a tour of the Little Palace himself. You were sure he had never given someone the treatment that he had given you, so what made you so different? What made you so special to him?

You didn’t miss the look he gave you when you first entered the war room, recognition and longing bright in his eyes. He tried to hide the emotion, but you were able to catch it before he returned to his dark and empty gaze. It would explain the memories, but only fueled your confusion and curiosity more. Had you shared a past life with him? If so, why were you back? How were you back? Getting lost in your thoughts, you didn’t hear the person knocking until they opened the door and announced themselves.

The familiar red hue of his kefta brought you comfort. You were too trusting lately, you’d only met Fedyor a week ago. Just the sight of his kefta had calmed something down in you. This palace was changing you, bringing out something from within you that never existed. Being this trusting on the fields would get you killed.

“Good morning, Fedyor. What brings you here?” You greeted him. This time you already had your boots laced up, the tray in your hands ready to be disposed of on the table by the door. “Going to escort me to combat training?”

“Actually, the General forbade you from stepping foot on training grounds again.” You let out a loud gasp as you whipped towards him. Thinking there was something wrong, Fedyor stepped forward, reaching his arms out to steady you just in case anything happened. In your anger, you slapped his hands away.

“Oh just you wait until he gets back,” You seethed, “Who does he think he is? Taking away my combat training privileges?”

“He’s the General, he can do that.” Fedyor responded, a small smile on his face.

“So what am I supposed to do then?”

“Well, you could still go to the library.” No, you didn’t want to risk running into the Apparat again. “Watch the Grisha train.” He offered a meek smile. “Walk the grounds.” Perhaps you could go on a horse ride later, but right now there was one thing on your mind.

“Is Alina training right now?” The heartrender gave you a nod, “I guess we’ll be going to her room then. She has something I want to borrow.” With the flick of your hand, the two of you were on your way.

“I’m going to ask you a question, and if you don’t want to answer then that’s okay.” Fedyor squints his eyes at you, before motioning to continue. “Has the Darkling ever taken up any lovers?” The question makes Fedyor stop in his tracks, a baffled look on his features.

“Well..I..” He struggled with his words, not knowing if he wanted to tell you. What would the General do to him if he told you? It was common knowledge that General Kirigan had been alive for a couple centuries now, he thought everyone knew of his endeavours. “The General has been around for many years, so naturally he has...had sex before.” The mention of it made Fedyor blush. “But he’s never settled down with someone. The closest I ever saw was with Alina.” This didn’t surprise you, Alina herself had told you about what had almost happened between the two.

“In the tent, when he tested her to see if she was Grisha, I saw something in his eyes. It was admiration, but there was also a defeated look in his eyes. As if he had given up on something because he found Alina. Reasonably, it could’ve been relief, since we had finally found the sun summoner.” Fedyor pauses, thinking wisely about the next words he spoke. “Alina and the General were growing close. Everyone saw the look they gave each other the night of the fete. But any public traces of their affection for each other had disappeared that night. The two are only seen interacting when he visits her for a gradual check-in.”

“And he’s never spoken of any other lovers?”

“Not consciously, no. On the very rare chance where we ride in the same carriage, sometimes when he falls asleep he’ll whisper about a woman. Moya dorogaya, he’d call her. That’s all I know.”

Moya dorogaya, my darling. It was the same name the Darkling had called you in your dream.

“May I ask you a question?” He inquired, you nodded your head, allowing him to proceed. “Where did you learn to fight like that?”

A smile so bright that could light up the room came to your face, “My friends down near the south Ravka border. A pair of siblings that taught me to fight before they defected from the First Army.” You confessed. “One of them also introduced me to my love of epic poetry.”

When Alina’s door came to view, you didn’t bother knocking as she had already left. After fetching what you needed, you quickly exited her room.

“I haven’t seen them since they left.” You rubbed the birthmark at your throat. Besides Mal and Alina, the siblings were also the closest thing you had to family. They considered you as their sister, even begging that you left with them. But you told them your place was here in Ravka, with Mal and Alina.

“I’m sure you’ll see them soon. Once Alina and the General get rid of the fold, we will have access to our docks again.” He said, trying to comfort you.

“I hope so.” The rest of the walk was filled with comfortable silence as you fiddled with the edges of the red book. As you neared your door, Fedyor stopped, telling you he would be just outside if you needed anything. Without wasting another second, you ran to the chair in front of the window.

The Istorii Sankt’ya glistened in the sunlight. Something about it had been calling out to you, urging you to read it and find out more. You flipped through all of the pages of the saints until you found the one that had been calling out to you.

Sankt Ilya in chains. Ilya Morozova. Morozova’s herd.

“One day. When the war is over and the shadow fold is gone, you will bear my name. You will become Mrs. Morozova. I swear it.”

The voice of the Darkling rang clear in your head. The memory made your heart come to a stop as you struggled to find a possible explanation for his words. The only conclusion you could inevitably come to was that you were the sole lover that Fedyor had been talking about.

As the sun began to set, you looked at the drawing once more. The stag, sea whip, and firebird all depicted. You called out for Fedyor, asking him to come into your room.

“Can you bring me dinner for two?” You politely asked.

“Sure, were you planning on eating it yourself or shall I fetch someone while I’m at it?”

“No. You and I are going to have a nice, long talk while we eat dinner.” His face paled as the words left your mouth.

“Oh...okay.” Was all he said before he scurried off to get the food. You tucked the Istorii Sankt’ya under a pile of paper in your desk to hide it. While you waited for Fedyor to return, you lit up some candles and lanterns now that the sun was going down. It was no fun eating in the dark.

Well, sometimes it was. You thought back to the orphanage. Night where you, Alina and Mal would sneak out of bed to have a piece of bread. The bread was never enough, but the excitement had always spurred the three of you on enough to make it a nightly routine until Ana Kuya eventually caught on.

When Fedyor returned, he rolled the cart over to where you had been seated. He placed a golden tray in front of you and another for himself right across from you. He also brought a big pitcher of Kvas for you to share.

Lifting the cover from your plate, you found yourself staring at some sort of meat pie with a side of root vegetable soup. Fedyor had the same meal but had pickled herrings instead of soup.

“Ugh, I don’t know how you eat that stuff.” You said with disgust. “I’m glad you guys don’t force me to eat that.” Although it was common peasant food, it never appealed to you. It was something you’d always hated.

“The kitchen staff have a strict list of foods you like and dislike.” That made your head snap up to meet his, who made the list? You had a scheming suspicion that it wasn’t Alina, leaving you with one suspect.

“Tell me, Fedyor, do you know what the General plans on using Morozova’s Stag for?” You inquired, feigning curiosity. You saw his hesitation, clearly uncertain if he could trust you. “I was, after all, one of the last trackers to spot it.” You reminded

“The stag is rumored to be an amplifier created by Morozova himself. Whoever wears it would hold the greatest power known to mankind. One that could rival the General’s.” He said, taking a bite of his meal before continuing, “He plans on giving it to Alina in order to get rid of the shadow fold. She’s strong, but not strong enough to get rid of it on her own.”

“What about you, do you believe they will be able to banish the fold together?” There had been a swirl of doubt pooling in you. The shadow fold was the one thing that had kept Grisha safe from the rest of the world. With the permafrost in the North and the mountains in the South, Ravka had practically been perfectly disconnected. Yet the Drüskelle and Shu still managed to slaughter Ravkans and Grisha alike.

“Yes, I do. It’s something very important to the General. That the sun summoner reversed what his ancestor, the Black Heretic, had created.” He explained.

“Right, we’ll then what happens after? It’s been so long since West Ravka has been able to connect to East Ravka. Who’s to say that they don’t want to create a monarchy of their own?” Fedyor paused at your words, he hadn’t thought much about what the West Ravkans wanted. He only knew how much his people longed to be free of the shadow fold.

“One step at a time.” He ensured, not sure if he believed the words he just said. He didn’t know what would happen if West Ravka decided to break off and become their own sovereign state. Whatever trade and weapons they had obtained came through the trading ports of the docks in West Ravka. Without it they’d have nothing. They would be nothing.

You finished the rest of your meal, occasionally talking about your time being stationed in the South while he talked about his Grisha adventures. When it came to an end, you helped him clean up and wished him a good night as he rolled the cart away. The pitcher of Kvas laid untouched, your fingers twitched at the thought of having a drink. You stared at it as Fedyor rolled it away, your throat begging for something to drink. Instead of giving into your urges, you chug whatever leftover water you had laying around.

As you got ready for bed, you couldn’t help the strong feeling of loneliness overcome you. You tried to push those feelings away when you jumped into bed, not wanting to have a miserable dream.

-

WHEN you wake, you find yourself in the deadly permafrost of the Fjerda-Ravka border in nothing more than your lace nightgown. The snow under your feet melted as you walked around, searching for another sign of human life. You didn’t feel the familiar nip of the cold at your fingertips or toes. It was that same warmth you felt with the Darkling.

You caught sight of your own breath as you whipped your head around, the snow catching in your hair. As you stumbled into a tree, you felt the recognizable carving, stating that you were now in Fjerdan territory. Your feet had walked on their own accord, not knowing where you were going until you stumbled into a clearing. The same clearing where Dubrov and Mikhael had died, slaughtered brutally by the Fjerdans. The clearing where you had killed two of their own without a second thought.

The clearing where you had finally found the stag.

The very same stag that had now stood in front of you.

You inched closer to it with careful and calculated steps. It didn’t back away as you approached. It showed no signs of aggression as you laid one of your hands upon its antlers, your other going to stoke its fur.

It was giving you that same look it gave you when you first encountered it with Mal.

Mercy. Respect. Most of all, understanding.

-

IT had been two days since you dreamt of the stag. You hadn’t dreamt of it since then, in fact, you hadn’t been dreaming of much since you saw the stag in your dreams. You thought about bringing it up to Alina during breakfast, but decided against it, the conversation somehow drifting towards the General.

“I was giving him a report of my progress last night-”

“Last night?” You interrupted, “As in a couple of hours ago?” She nods, confused by your behavior. “When did he get back?”

“The night you woke up.” She replied, as if you had been informed already. No one told you he had returned, you hadn’t even seen him once. Fedyor didn’t even tell you of his return during dinner. With a huff, you got out your chair, moving towards the door before asking Alina one last question.

“When did you mention me to the General?” She gives you another confused look, not knowing what you were talking about. That was the only answer you needed as you made your way to the war room.

He knew you. Even before he discovered Alina and took her to the Little Palace, he knew you first. Your thoughts ran around rampant and unprovoked, trying to come up with a viable explanation as you stomped towards his hall. Before you could even reach the doors of the war room, you were stopped by his oprichniki.

“The General wishes to be alone right now.” She said, hold up a hand to stop you.

“Tell him that I want to speak with him.” You replied, she looked you up and down. You wore no kefta or guards uniform. You were merely just a First Army soldier in her eyes.

“I doubt he would want to talk to someone like you.” Great, you were dealing with a Grisha Oprichniki with a horrible superiority complex. With a scoff, you turned away and walked to your room. Holding back every urge in your body to punch her.

-

WHEN night came, you found yourself struggling to get some sleep. After your encounter with that rude oprichniki, you tried your best to at least get a glimpse of the Darkling. You tried walking in the gardens in hopes to see him, no luck. You walked past the singular window of the war room, only to find the view obscured by the curtains. You paced the halls as subtly as you could, waiting for him to exit the war room. But he didn’t leave. Not once, so you just gave up and decided to try again the next day.

The black silk of your slip on did little to soothe the irritation you felt. In fact, it seemed to irritate you more as it slipped around even at your smallest movements. With a sigh, you got up from the bed and walked towards the dresser with the intention of changing into something that would provide better comfort.

You ran your hands through all the different laces and fabrics of the nightgowns until it landed on the gold kefta. Well, it wouldn’t hurt to try. You took it off it’s hanger, before walking towards the mirror. You examined it closely. The fabric itself had shimmers of gold, the black thread similar to any other kefta. As you surveyed the back of it, you noticed the handiwork of a fabrikator. Someone had tried to mend the rips of the kefta, but they were still visible up close.

The kefta had fit like a glove when you put it on. It gave you a sense of belonging. That maybe as an orphan you had finally found a home. You ogled at yourself in the mirror, the golden fabric had practically made you glow. You placed your hands into the pockets, surprised to feel something in one of them.

Grasping the object, you pulled it out. It was a letter. Covered in blood, dirtied and ripped at the corners, but still a letter nonetheless. You contemplated reading it, making the motion to put it back into the pocket before a thought crossed your mind. It wasn’t like anyone was going to find out.

You opened the letter and began to read it:

Dear Aleksander,

My darling, I don’t know why the universe has continued to bring us together. But I am thankful that they’ve given us a chance to be together once more. I have loved you for all of my lifetimes, and nothing could change that.

At least, that’s what I thought. But you’re no longer the Aleksander I once knew. Something dark has taken over you, your lust for power consuming you. I don’t know who you are anymore.

That’s why I’m doing what’s necessary, you’ve been in power for too long. It’s time for you to stop. It’s time for Ravka to be whole once more.

I’m sorry. I hope with whatever love you have left in your heart for me, that you could forgive me.

Eternally yours,

Y/N

You froze as you saw your name signed at the bottom of the letter. Lifetimes? As in more than one? This could wait no longer. Shoving the letter into your pocket, you threw open your door. The halls were empty, his oprichniki were either on a break or a shift change. Either way, you didn’t care.

You barged into the war room, expecting him to be hunched over a pile of maps, but he wasn’t. The next place you looked was his sleeping quarters that had connected to the war room. This bed was empty too, the sheets still cold. You knew of one last place he could be, and didn’t care about the risks.

You walked towards his door, each step filled with the burning curiosity you felt. Placing your hand on the doorknob, you didn’t expect it to turn. You would’ve assumed he kept the door to this bedroom always locked. But then again you were the only person who would dare enter his room without permission. After entering his room, you shut the door. Not wanting to raise suspicion to anyone who might’ve walked the halls perchance.

You paid no mind to the layout and decorations of his room as you fervently searched for him, only to come up empty handed again. Where could he possibly be? Perhaps he went for a midnight stroll. Or possibly he left the Little Palace again. But before deciding on going back to your room, you were adamant on searching the entire ground for him.

As you made your way back towards the door, your eyes briefly flashed to the portrait above it. You were frozen in your tracks as you did a double take. There in the painting was you, depicted in the gold kefta you had put on mere minutes ago. Behind you was the General, who had one hand clasped around your waist, the other resting on your shoulder. The two of you smiling brightly, it had practically been one of the only other times you’d seen him smile.

The letter in your pocket felt like it weighed a ton, your mouth going dry. In your panicked state of mind, you didn’t notice the shadows jumping up and down the walls.

“My darling.” You never heard him creeping up on you until he started talking into your ear, his whisper making you involuntarily shiver. You could practically feel the heat radiating off of him.

Turning around, you didn’t expect to find his hair dripping wet, with nothing but a towel wrapped around his hips. A blush formed on your cheeks as you tried to look at anything but him.

“Don’t call me that.” You spat out, he reached one of his hands out to touch the kefta you had put on. His touch lingered from the black stitching to the collar of the Grisha jacket, his fingers ghosting over your neck. “I’m going to ask you one more time, have we met before?”

The General saw no use in keeping the secret from you any longer; you had worn the kefta he’d made for you centuries ago, most likely read the letter in its pocket, and now you had just seen the portrait he’d hung up of the two of you. It was evidently clear that you knew something was going on.

“What do you remember?” He deflected, not answering your question.

Flashes came to your mind, ones you had dreamt, others were new.

“I remember...my death. The night those soldiers shoved a knife in me.” You confessed. You also saw other things. Horseback riding in the woods. Long nights in bed spent talking about the future. Him training you, teaching you how to wield a sword. The birthmark at your ribcage, the one on your neck, and the long ones on your back. They had all been scars. Marking all the deaths from your previous lives.

Three scars, three separate lifetimes with him. You reached up to touch the scar on your neck, “They..I-”

“This one, the Fjerdans gave you this one. We were hunting for the stag when we had gotten ambushed. They killed you for the sole purpose to see me in pain. I begged them to take me too, but they found too much joy in my grief. The Drüskelle held me on the ground, my hands spread apart, as I watched you bleed out.” You can see the tears form in his eyes as he recalls the events of that night. He walks around you, tracing the rips of the kefta. The rips had consequently been placed exactly where the scars on your back were. You could tell by the familiar pattern he traced, a once soothing action that now caused you great anguish. “The Fjerdans also gave you these ones. They tortured you for days on end. When I finally found you, it was too late. There was no healer that had the power to help you. All I could do was hold you as a heartrender calmed you, minimizing your pain.”

“I can’t remember that, why can’t I remember that?” You panicked, to which the Darkling turned you to face him, his hands cupping your cheeks as his thumbs rubbed your face in a reassuring manner.

“It’s not often that you fully remember what happens to you. It’s your brain's way of protecting you so you don’t get overwhelmed.” Well you certainly felt overwhelmed now. It was all too much to take in at once.

“The shadow fold..” You hesitated, removing yourself from his grasp. “Was that because of me?”

“Yes,” he confessed, “I created it after you first died. A way to protect all Grisha. I didn’t mean for it to get so out of hand. But it was one less threat we had to worry about.”

“I don’t understand. Why me? Why is it always me? Why do I always come back to you?”

“There’s a reason why the universe has continued to bring us back together, my darling. My other half. My life.” He walks up to you, grasping your face in his hands. His touch was different this time, it was cold yet welcoming. It felt familiar. The shadows engulfed the room as you felt a power rush over you. His eyes darted towards your lips, hesitating before leaning in. You close your eyes as you feel that familiar warmth consume you. His kiss is soft, gentle, yet you could tell he was holding back from ravaging you.

He pulls away, resting his forehead on yours. You kept your eyes closed, lost in the memories.

“Open your eyes.” He whispered. When you had closed them, the whole room had been taken by his shadows, leaving the two of you in darkness. But as he stood in front of you, his hands on your cheeks, the whole room had been illuminated. “My sun summoner, I have loved you all of my life. For all of your lifetimes.”

“Maybe one too many.” What else was there to say? You always knew, somewhere deep down inside of you, that there was something special different about you. You didn’t know it until now, until you were reunited with your other half. “But I thought Grisha couldn’t get sick.”

The smile falls from his face, “I believe..that this could possibly be our last lifetime together.” He disclosed. “Neither heartrender nor healer could explain what was happening to you. I think it might be the consequence of avoiding eternal death for so long.” He joked, his eyes meeting yours.

“I thought your last life had been our final one together. I waited hundreds of years for your return. When I had caught wind of a sun summoner being found, I thought it was you. When it wasn’t I felt as if my heart had shattered all over again. That you would never return to me again.” The Darkling squinted as the light around you grew brighter. His touch was making you unstable.

“But Alina-”

“Can’t know. No one can. I can’t risk your life again. Not anymore.” He replied, “Especially when this could be our last time together.”

You struggled to find a name to call him, the General felt too formal, and to you it seemed too early to call him by his given name.

“Aleksander, my darling. Call me by my name.” He said, withdrawing his hand from you and letting the shadows shrink back to the ground.

All your life, you had subconsciously fought the Grisha within you. You had always been Grisha. Using the powers you had been born with had given you back your strength, albeit not all of it. You enjoyed- reveled the rush it gave you.

“Aleksander,” His name left your lips in a hushed whisper, “..what if I want the stag for myself?”

-

Mizpah tags: @all-art-is-quite-useless @devilxangel @musicconversedance @parabatai-winchester @runawayolives​ @tartiflvtte @rbg1933 @thatguppienamedbae @batgal96​ @thebarisinhell99 @5hundreddaysofsummer​ @kaqua​ @queenseneschal @benbarnes-supremacy @princessofpersia96 @takethee @dontjinx-it @freakytillthemoon @amortentiaaaa @marvel-ousnesss @coolninjavoid @areomalfoy @pansysgirlfriend @universalirwin @leavejuliaalone @xx-winwin-wednesday-xx​ @honeyofthegods @lunamyangel @d-list-goddess​ @comphersjost @telepathdestiel @the-celestial-kitsune @thestoryofmylife9 @s-corpionem @pancakeisreading @sanna2020​ @secretsandtinyshadows @savannah-elliott @maliasblue @tea-effect @disneyandharrypotter @futuristicpinklemur @tanyaherondale @the-puff-is-strong-with-this-one @hxgreeves @yourboiialucard@thereeallink @ladyblablabla @wolfieellsworld @p3nny4urth0ught5​ @louweasleymalfoy @the-natureofme @itsloveroflife @oddlittleminx @within-thehollowcrown @itsfangirlmendes @heyyimlaynna @jgtfvhsg @gloriousmoneyrascalbiscuit @auggie2000 @itsnotquimey @jtownraindancer @sonnensplitter @sarcastic-and-cool @poulterfilms @spookybooisa @stickyknightflowerbailiff @hollandsweetie @yungkvte @evyiione @2023-padfoot @kawaiimarshmallow @nikki-sixx-is-daddy @sanktawylan @blackbirddaredevil23​ @athenamikaelson​ @mellifluous-cosmos​ @mylittlecrazyworldofinterest​ @iiclarixa​ @lcandothisallday​ @agent-jbarnes​

Mizpah taglist is CLOSED for now!

S.a.B. forever tags: @deceivedeer​

[gay-otlc]

Grom Queen

Written for Bianuca Week day 2: Dance, @rainbow-frog-earrings

The Owl House has taken over my brain. Bianuca has taken over my brain. This happened.

Content warning for a touch of (imagined) homophobia.

AO3

"You set my heart on fire!" Marella announces dramatically, drawing a spell circle that produces a flaming heart shape. Linh quickly douses it.

She laughs. "You're going to start the fire alarm!"

"I'm trying to be romantic! Linh Song, will you be my Grom date?" She holds out a violet, one Linh accepts with a smile.

"Of course! You didn't have to nearly burn the school down asking me."

The two continue chatting, and Biana and Maruca watch as they walk down the hallway. Of all the gromposals echoing around the school that day, Marella's was definitely the most entertaining. The other awkward couples are starting to get a bit annoying. Maybe Maruca's just jealous. That they all go to the dance with their crushes, while hers won't be anything other than her best friend. Which she's happy about, of course, but... it would be nice to go to Grom with Biana Vacker, is all.

Feedback from the loudspeaker cuts off both the chatter and Maruca's pining train of thought. Dame Alina's syrupy sweet voice sings "Foxfire students, I'm happy to announce this year's Grom Queen... Biana Vacker!" 

Biana winces.

Maruca looks over at her.

Biana groans and slams her head against the row of lockers.

Maruca takes a step forward, cautiously.

"Bi?"

"This is gonna be a nightmare," she mumbles.

Quite literally. If Biana doesn't manage to stop it, Grometheus will terrorize the whole town, taking the form of each person's worst fear. Maruca doesn't know what Biana's is going to be, but it can't be fun to cope with, especially not in front of the entire school. Grom was meant to be a night for the pair to enjoy, albeit not as a couple like Maruca would like, and Biana definitely shouldn't have to battle her worst nightmare. "I'm sorry," she says, and it feels inadequate.

Biana sighs and lifts her head from the locker. "It'll be fine. Fitz was Grom King last year. And Alvar was a few years before him. Both of them did alright, and if my idiot brothers can survive Grom, this should be no problem." They've known each other for long enough that Maruca can tell just how faked the cheer in her voice is. "I should go choose a weapon."

"I recommend a sword," Maruca offers. If Biana wants to distract herself, she'll let her.

"Swords are cool."

Biana does indeed find a cool sword, and once she settles on it, goes home to get ready for the dance. Reluctant as she is to leave her friend, Maruca does the same, and when she gets home, Livvy is standing at a mirror in the hallway and glaring at her half-done bow tie. She eagerly abandons it when she sees Maruca. "Hey, kid! How was school?"

"Good. I need something to wear to Grom."

"Luckily, your cool aunt is going to take you shopping," Livvy says, huffing and tossing the bow tie to the side. 

"How about this one?" Maruca says, pointing as they walk through the store. "It says 'I'm a witch with a dark side.' Ooh, or that one! It says 'I'm an otter! ...with a dark side,''

Livvy laughs. "How about that suit jacket?"

It looks nice. "And that skirt?"

"Sounds good." Livvy buys the clothes and they head back home. Maruca changes into it, hoping Biana thinks it looks nice. Even if she does, that doesn't necessarily mean... it's... whatever. She waits for Livvy to figure out the bowtie, yelling some words her mother won't be happy were said around children. Finally, Livvy manages, and takes Maruca back to Foxfire. "Ah, I remember my Grom," she reminiscences on the way. "Your friend's mom was Grom Queen- Della Vacker. She looked badass with a sword. I spent most of the dance on the side eating cookies and getting made fun of by Elwin. Good times."

These times might be slightly less good, considering what her best friend is about to endure. 

She runs into Biana in a dimply lit hallway, wearing a purple dress that flares around her knees. "Wow- you look great!" she blurts. 

"And you look... nice. Strange, but nice." Biana clears her throat. "I think I'm about to be sick."

"You've got this," Maruca tells her, putting a hand on her shoulder before coughing awkwardly and stuffing it back in her pocket.

Biana's mouth opens, like she's about to argue, but before she can, a booming voice announces "And now, our Grom Queen will fight Grometheus. Give it up for Biana Vacker!"

"Wish me luck," Biana mutters, face pale.

"Luck."

She takes her sword and brandishes it at Grometheus. Both their eyes glow for a moment. Then, Grom takes shape. First, shards of broken glass scattered across the floor. Then, a spider. Then- 

Her. Biana. Handing a note to a shadowy figure Maruca can't make out. The note unfolds. Then, another silhouette. Taller. It snatches the note from the first, tearing it to shreds. "I won't allow it," it declares, voice distinctly like Biana's father. 

The real Biana stands, paralyzed.

"Get away from her!" Maruca yells, running down to the arena before she's entirely aware of what she's doing. She grabs a knife from the stand of weapons and brandishes it at Shadow-Alden. From up close, she can read the note Shadow-Alden tore. Will you go to Grom with me? -Biana. "Oh," she whispers, mostly to herself. Then, louder; "Hey, if... that didn't work out, want to go with me instead?"

"Really?" Her voice is shaky.

"That's what friends do."

A small smile. "Well, if that's settled, may I have this dance?"

She extends her hand, and it's all Maruca can do not to faint as she accepts it. Biana whirls her around as they take turns blasting Grometheus with spells until, finally, it retreats. The crowd cheers, and the dance resumes its dancing and talking and eating, leaving Biana and Maruca with slightly more privacy. Maruca nudges Biana. "So, who'd you want to ask out?"

"It's- it's not important." Biana kicks the scrap of paper off to the side, blushing. Maruca takes her over to the snack table. She doesn't look at the discarded paper. Doesn't see who it's addressed to.

Maruca,

[honourablejester]

Shadow & Bone Reaction

Okay, so I watched Shadow & Bone last night. Stayed up until 5am to manage it, so this is going to be muddled, but howandever. Spoilery and involved first impressions from someone who has not read the books below:

Right, so the Ketterdam crew are my favourites. Obviously. This was guaranteed

All three of them, I cannot decide between them

Jesper is a gambling addict which does grind my miserly gears a bit, but he’s also lovely and adorable and quite possibly the most badass person on the show, which is an achievement, and his interactions with Inej are beyond adorable, so I love him with all my heart

That thing Inej said to Alina? Whenever you need it, my hand is yours? That is me for Inej. More on this later

Kaz is a vicious little gremlin of a man with a badly hidden streak of loyalty, and he’s exactly my stripe of guile antihero, so of course I adore him madly

The absolute chaos of them just … accidentally poking their oars into the entire rest of the plot is beautiful beyond belief. They’re just there and mucking things up for everybody like someone threw a bag of spanners into an engine, and it’s beautiful

I was surprisingly really on board for Mal and Alina. Particularly them as kids, this pair of tiny scrappers against the world

I also loved the whole First Army part at the beginning. Like, Mal’s pair of friends, Mikael and Dubrov, they’re adorable (and I fucking screamed later, with the machine gun, you bet), him and Alina in the camp, his friends teasing him about her, him stealing Grisha grapes for her. The show got right in on the friendship and the love there, and honestly I was there for it

The Darkling, on the other hand …

Right. So. I expected him to maybe be … more subtle than he was? I mean, I think everyone’s expecting him to go villain here, so it probably wasn’t supposed to be that subtle, but …

That moment where Alina decides to kiss him. After being separated from Mal, with no communication with her old life, and with Kirigan being all sad and incredibly intense at her at random moments. Like. Long, long before we get to his whole forcibly altering her body to control her moment, I was looking at her kissing this dude and going ‘Oookay, okay lady, that’s, that’s not a good plan. I get that it’s Ben Barnes, do not blame you there, but that’s so not a good plan’

He just kept coming on so fucking strong, you know? The whole intense ‘I’ve been waiting for you my whole life’. He was bleeding desperation and control from the get go. And like, lots of people have those in this show, but where someone like Kaz or Inej feel like ‘I will stab you in the face right fucking now to get out of this alive’, Kirigan is very much, yes, ‘I will swallow your entire city in darkness and give a nice little speech about it to captive dignitaries who I’ll then murder because they shouldn’t have opened their mouths’

There’s more power there than the others, I think, so it feels less like ‘I’ll do what I have to do’ and more ‘I’ll do what I want’

Which his backstory was an interesting show on, yes, how he started out just as desperate as any of them, and then vengeance and black magic ate him. As it does. But still. He comes on too strong

(And the collar. The collar. Not even the massacre later matched that one for me, though Genya’s casual mention of him ‘gifting’ her at 11 came close. But it didn’t match the collar for visceral no. He mutilated Alina to implant a control device within her body. He can die in a ditch with his head covered in pitch and set on fire now. I can’t with him. No)

So, yes. Excellent villain, definitely, I just expected him to maybe take a bit longer to show it?

His minions are adorable, though. The two married heartrenders, Genya and the Durast she has the biggest danged crush on (gotta say, when Kirigan said he needed him for later, I was honestly expecting him to kill him for something, to hurt Genya, did not expect David to be in on the whole mutilating control collar thing)

The show did a lot of work humanising the various factions, so when you get moments like Jesper vs Ivan, round 1, you don’t want either of them to lose, because Ivan has a husband to go back to, and Jesper is Jesper. And then Jesper can’t shoot a pretty man in the face, and we’re golden

(Sidenote one: that scene was badass, holy shit, Jesper was playing with him, it was incredible)

(Sidenote two: Jesper vs Ivan, round 2? Less sympathetic on Ivan’s part)

(Sidenote three: the Ketterdam three vs Kirigan’s everybody was just, god I love them, we’re going to be straight badass all down the line, can you beat a centuries-old shadow sorcerer with a flashbang? An inferni with a knife? A heartrender with a gun while playing with him the entire time? Come to Ketterdam and find out! I love them)

Now. Now. The main thing for me. Inej. Inej and Alina and Kaz

The scene in the Little Palace where Alina shows her power. Ignoring everything that promptly went tits up for everybody. The look on Inej’s face. The look on her face. Hope and faith. From Inej, who’s been so hurt and desperate so far. Oh, that killed me. So much. I was there like, Alina, Alina, it’s not your fault, but you better be worth it, I know you don’t need the pressure but if you have to let anyone down, let it not be Inej. Not her. And Kaz Brekker, you sociopathic mushroom, do not fuck this up for her. Okay? Not this

And then he doesn’t. He doesn’t. He gives up a million kruge and potentially everything he has so he doesn’t have to break Inej’s faith. I loved him there. Right there

And like, he was trying to weasel something out of it. He was still trying to bully Alina all the way to the end, even after she saved his life, because he didn’t want to lose everything, he wanted to have some way to be able to bring Jesper and Inej back with him, because otherwise he was walking back to a city that hated him with literally nothing, since he’d mortgaged the Crow Club on Inej’s debt, and she’d walked out on him anyway, and he’d let her. So he tried to bully Alina, tried to force some way to let Inej come back, without actually forcing Inej. Just, you know, the saint she loved instead, and a woman who’d also just lost everything, and maybe could have used those jewels to stay ahead of pursuit for a while, but that’s not his problem. That’s not his problem

Kaz Brekker is a vicious horrible gremlin of a man, but not to his own, mostly, as much as he can avoid it, and like … did they know in advance what I like? Because that was it

(Him entering the fight on the skiff solely to save the other two, everyone else can die, but he’s going to dive Jesper clear of the Cut and hammer a volcra’s head in to save an unarmed Inej, that was beautiful. Even if I was a tiny bit annoyed at Inej for panicking and throwing her weapons away while outnumbered by flying things. No. Keep them close to stab anything that comes near you, honey, don’t throw them into the darkness. But Kaz saving his Crows was beautiful)

Also, to go back to Inej and Alina, just a little. How much do I love that Inej’s knife saved them all? Inej kissed her knife and planted in the Darkling’s chest, and it did fuck all to him, but then it’s the knife Alina used to take her freedom back and save them all

Inej’s knife freed Alina. Gave a slave her freedom back. Gave her saint her power. Not by killing, but as a tool to break a chain. I can’t. I really, really can’t. Whoever wrote that episode, thank you a lot

You may have guessed, I have feelings about Inej, and Alina, and Kaz, and freedom, and faith, faith in another power and faith in yourself and those you trust, and it’s all tied up in a knife and a debt, and people offering freedom to each other against their own best interests, and I really can’t with them. I can’t. I’m inarticulate over here

Like, this beautiful man did this hideous thing, made this horrible vicious collar, and then all these scared, battered little outcasts and ex-slaves and current slaves gave each other tiny moment after tiny moment after tiny moment that allowed them all to free each other

I can’t

And then Alina gave Inej her knife. The little letter opener that she’d robbed from the Little Palace. The little symbol of two tiny orphans having each other’s backs against the world. Alina gave that back to Inej

Inej’s knives are a whole thing. Kaz gave Inej a job, a way out of slavery, and it’s both joy and horror to her, freedom and damnation, she doesn’t want to kill people but that’s what knives are for, and it’s a freedom she sometimes forces herself to surrender out of trust in Kaz, and then she does kill people, but it’s to save those she cares for, to save Kaz, and then her knife saves them all as a key, not a murder weapon, and Alina, for whom knives are also a symbol of protection, for herself and those she loves, and now freedom as well, gives Inej hers as this tiny gesture that means so much …

And earlier, Kaz stopping her from killing the Conductor, and it was for his own reasons, it was because he needed the man for a job, but the fact that he did that meant that Inej’s first kill wasn’t a murder, an assassination to save herself, but a clean kill in defense of someone else. A kill she could explain to her saints. Especially the one that showed up, because Alina knows all about that

(And when her knives run out, when she’s lost them all on the skiff and is facing death, it’s Kaz who saves her, who pays his debt and preserves her freedom, because he can be trusted with them, with the knives and all they mean …)

And the two things Alina gives them. The knife for Inej, and the jewels for Kaz. A gift for the woman who saved her, and a bribe for the man who threatened her. And it’s exactly what they need. Both of them. It’s freedom and forgiveness and hope for them both. And she had no idea, she just gave what she had at the time. A saint by pure accident, like she’s been all along, but it meant the world. Sometimes all a person needs is one thing. A knife, a chance. A hope

Whoever was writing the thing with the knives, and the saints, and faith in yourself and those around you, you are a genius and I love you

And, like, I should move on. There were other things in the show. Nina and Matthias, I’ve pretty much not mentioned them at all (they are adorable, even as they’re basically Stockholming each other, and then the last episode hit, and everything was good, more or less, for everyone else, so that last fucking punch was a lot, thank you so much), I just …

Knives and faith. Inej, Alina and Kaz. I love everybody, but that was so much the thing that caught me here. That’s what I’m mostly getting out of this show right now

[videogamelover99]

how would you have liked row to end?

Right. So spoilers for Rule of Wolves, obviously.

Let me preface this by saying that I absolutely adore the Darkling’s arc in the story. The first part of the novel has him be on the backseat for most of the time, with Zoya, Nikolai, and the rest of our lovable gang figuring out how to stop the country from exploding. When Leigh does introduce him to the rest of the story, he makes a deal with Nikolai and Zoya, seemingly for sentimental reasons, only to fuck off once he gets his powers back, proving he can never be trusted and that he always has another agenda going. Something we’re already very familiar with in TGT. 

Then we get is POV.

Leigh had two options when she decided to write from the Darkling’s point of view. His character had always thrived from the mystery of his true motives, whether what Alina sees as sympathetic human traits are even there at all, or whether it’s all manipulation. Bardugo could have either 1) tried to immitate the same mystery with his POV. We see his perspective, but it doesn’t actually give us that much information about what he his, what his real throughts are. Or 2) she could peel back the curtain. And she went with option 2.  

He doesn’t know what he’s doing. He kept the thorn hoping it would work, and it did, but we know that he’s hardly the infallible mastermind everyone else percieves him to be. Yuri (lets appreciate for a moment how fucking hillarious it is that the guy is still there) asks the Darkling why he wanted to see Alina. Because I needed my power back, was his first reply. Then: Because she makes me feel human. 

And that’s the point of the Darkling’s character. It was always this and. It was always Alina’s power, and her as a person that drew him. It was always saving the grisha and being remembered by them. With the “monk’s” POV, we get a Darkling that’s surprisingly honest and self-aware and grounded, someone who feels a lot, and hates it. He does what he can to further his goals, but he isn’t an emotionless lump of rock, he’s very, very much human. It shows from the ruthful anger he feels about seeing his Morozova’s church, to the discomfort in seeing a bunch of fantatics follow him so blindly. He gets annoyed at the shitty food and the ignorant people, and cynical about the state of the country. I think the reason why so many Darkling fans dislike his POV is because he was always a mystery before now, so people could project whatever version of the character they wished onto him. And when canon Darkling did not match that, people got annoyed. (Luckly, he fits with my interpretation of his character like a glove, so, I loved every second of it).

Throughout his weird un-redemption arc, we see him start to question what his legacy would mean and what he’s really fighting for. It culminates to him seeing the destruction Otkazat’sya weapons can bring and saving Nikolai. Then being like “bye bitch you’re on your own now I’ve fulfilled my heoric quota for the day”. Where the story falls flat is that space between him manipulating the court into accepting Zoya as their queen and Chapter 48, with the Thornwood. There is a huge logical leap from a man who is willing to let his enemy have the throne, knowing he could manipulate the situation if need-be, to a man who is willing to give all that up to save Ravka and spend an eternity in agony. Like, the entire exchange seems so out of character for him. Why not just find some other immortal to stuff into the tree? Why put his sainthood above his own life and wellbeing? There is an unwritten chapter in his POV between the scene with Zoya being called queen and Chapter 48 that could have connected those dots and made his decision make sense, but it’s just not there. Or maybe it was cut out. Where is the forbidden chapter, Leigh, I want it.

Anyway, I dislike the whole Thornwood ending in general. It’s clear that this is a sort of “well he has to pay for his crimes somehow so lets invent the most torturous way possible”, in vein of all those other redemption arcs that have been realized through suffering. Except, that’s so overdone. And so cheesy. And just. Not at all what his character needed, which is something grounding. 

In part I, Zoya remarks that the Darkling could never get his powers back and could spend the rest of his mortal life living like every other man. Which, uh, sets him off. Because that is what he’s afraid of. Being someone inconsequential. If Leigh wanted him to pay for his crimes, she didn’t have to go all dramatic torture tree, she could have made it so the only way to close the gap is for him to lose his powers. And boom! He would have had to make a decision between keeping something so essential to himself, and saving Ravka. And he would have chosen Ravka, because at the end of the day, he saw that eternity surrounded by nothing but dead grey sand is no eternity at all. He would have made the real meaningful sacrifice. He would have been the same as Alina - powerless.

This ending could have also set up the interesting dynamic that was between him, Nikolai, and Zoya in the rest of the novel. He pops up when he wants to, manipulates situations in his favor, then fucks off until he wants them to find him again. He could have been a chaotic agent that could have either desided to help them in some way, guide them, or further his own agenda, how brief it would have been in his mortal life. And that’s how I wished it would have ended!

That being said, the whole tree thing could have just been Bardugo setting up the new SOC book XD. And if he’s in it, and if he doesn’t just die immediately when they pull him out of that tree, we might see more of the Darkling’ arc after all. Hell, maybe the whole death thing is a metaphor, and I was right, and he’ll die of old age a few decades from then cause he’d lose his powers. Here’s hoping. 

[sheikah]

favorite darklina moments?

Anon I’m so sorry because you did not sign up for the crazy long post you’re about to get but..HERE WE GO! (The “read more” no longer functions on mobile and I’m SO sorry to everyone this annoys.)

uM??? Soft. Literally the moment I knew I was trash. He takes his glove off to touch her??? Romance???

Okay so a few things here. 1. This is just my stupid emotions clouding my judgment but I think that if Alina hadn’t cut and run after Baghra told her the truth about him, she probably would have been able to convince Aleks not to expand the fold and instead to destroy it. Why? Well, I know he is playing her throughout the first book but he’s showing a lot of self-awareness here. Knowing he’s the only Darkling means he’s calling his own deeds greedy and evil. I think he might have been convinced to right those wrongs under the right circumstances and I like the vulnerability of this conversation for that reason. In R&R he tells Alina that he only decided to expand the fold and force her to take the stag’s amplifier after she left and “chose…” (clearly meaning chose Mal). Is that a viable motive for the murders he committed afterward? No lmao but I’m trash. 2. Alina is literally 24/7 checking him out. This is her POV. She is constantly calling him “perfect” and other very complimentary things 🤣 3. The inherent longing and romance of that last line. I’m sorry but that’s Good Shit and I love Alina’s dubious response as much as the declaration itself lol. 

I just love the cute lightheartedness of this scene and also the fact that he has taste. I mean we been knew because of The Aesthetic, but still. He knows garish when he sees it.

This whole scene because reasons. Idk man it’s just hot. It’s a YA book so we aren’t going to get the kind of smut I crave but the pining that results from this moment being cut off early is MY SHIT and I love the unexpected soft politeness of what he says before he leaves…

Bitch!!!! Say yes!!! 

This!!!!!! I wanted powerful and uninhibited Alina SO BAD. And obviously, so did he. (And lbr, so did Alina herself lol).

Idk I just love the angst of this. This is a clear admission that just like he was playing her, she was affecting his judgment too. He was a fool. A fool in love maybe??????? Lol ignore me.

On one hand, this is a bit creepy and possessive. But on the other hand I fucking love it. They’re both deeply lonely and at the end of the day? That’s the kind of tragic OTP I thrive on.

And see, THIS is why it’s so important that we get the story in first person. Because while the Darkling IS very problematic and I can see why people who hate the ship are squicked out to some extent, what matters is that we know that Alina still struggles with her feelings about him throughout the whole trilogy. After everything he has done a part of her still wants him and a part of her still acknowledges that he accepts her power in a way no one else really does. Also, lol at her once again commenting on how good he looks.

What can I really say? I live for this. My favorite moments in Alina’s story are ones where she allows herself to confront, if only in her mind, her own desire for power (”I was eager”) and I love that even while she just admitted to loving Mal, she can’t help herself with Aleks. “I could drown in it.” Bitch, me too. 

Just the way this is worded idk. She’s literally killing him. He’s been evil and conniving af. That’s not lost on me. But Alina doesn’t hate him. There’s no, “Just a little longer so I can kill this asshole” or “Just a little longer so I can send this monster to hell where he belongs.” No. She’s sending him “to the next world” and she’s gonna follow? Ok. Nothing to read into that at all.

Everything about this!!!!! “I respect your ruthlessness”??? A line that would work on me lmao. Also I live for hurt and vulnerable Aleks showing this bitterness. He’s allowing her to see that she hurt him, you know? Also love that it’s honesty when she says she wanted to see him. There is so fucking much mutual pining in this ship it’s torture. And even after everything they’ve done to one another they’re still like this!! How dare they! Let me live!!!!

Idk I love this because they’re such opposites in everything from appearance to ideology but they still have this pull on each other that drags them each nearer the middle. He brings out Alina’s ambition and she brings out his softness. Also, “I had a taste for you once” is probably my favorite line in all their interactions. I know everyone else loves “make me your villain” but this line is just sexier somehow and it comes from Alina! Alina toying with Aleks’s desire?? MY SHIT!

Give me dark!Alina! GIVE IT TO ME!!!

SO MUCH in this passage. This is in R&R so by this point the damage and history and pain in this ship is off the charts and Alina is still sitting here thinking about how she wants him. “I didn’t want to go …  I wanted this whispered confidence.” We love to see it. And then there’s his name. I actually love his name. It’s my husband’s name lmao (though he spells it with an x). And I agree with Alina that it’s kind of laughably cute that the big, bad Darkling has such a common (but pretty!) name.

More than that, I feel like a lot of people overlook the significance of this moment. In “The Demon in the Wood” we learn that Aleks was on the run for basically his entire youth. He’s gone by fake names since he was a child. That story is so heartbreaking, being in his head while he’s coaching and drilling himself to adapt to these false names and identities in a convincing way. He couldn’t share his real name with anyone. But what must that have done to his sense of self? Especially being so young, his ability to develop an identity like a normal person was taken away. He must have wanted, for years, maybe even centuries, to be able to be his real self. But he’s clearly never trusted anyone with the truth. Until Alina. And this isn’t soft, naive S&B Alina. This is “ruthless” book 3 Sankta Alina, his enemy in every sense of the word who has multiple times left him for dead (he deserved it but that’s not my point). And he trusts her with this and shares this intimacy with her and it makes me weep ok?

This is sexy. What else can I possibly say? It’s hot. My favorite piece of Darklina art is from this scene lol but I wish there was more fanart of this moment that actually depicted them as they are, with him basically sitting and Alina all up in his junk between his legs. I accept the Darklina isn’t canon but there are no other shippy scenes in the trilogy that match this one imo. THEIR POWER. It’s so good lol.

She literally killed him lmao. She was literally the one doing the stabbing here. She ended his long life and he’s still being sweet with her?????? The last thing he wanted to hear was her voice and his name???? Ok thanks.

K the funeral scene broke me but I am glad they gave him a proper funeral. But what I’m really here for? Alina Starkov’s last line of dialogue and last thought in The Grisha Trilogy is about Aleks and no one can take that away from me.

Anyway sorry for the giant trashy post I just have a lot of feelings about them. This is almost every scene so I failed to tell you my favorite moments rofl. They’re all my favorite. I guess if I had to pick three? The Winter Fete scene, Alina trying to kill them both in the chapel, and “let me.” Oof. 

Thanks for tolerating my insane and overwhelming love for this ship!!!!!

[welllpthisishappening]

Welllp These Are Books: the January 2021 Edition

Tumblr’s gif search leaves a lot to be desired, so there’s no actual gif of her slamming the book shut, which is—y’know, disappointing. Still, the continued ability of the public library system to send books to my Kindle ensures that I continue to read every romantic comedy and fantasy story I can find. Of which I have plenty of thoughts and opinions. But, like, what’s the point of having thoughts and opinions if you’re not putting them on the internet? There isn’t one, obviously. Books and links and feelings and more ridiculous headlines all under the cut. 

BEST BOOK AWARD WINNER OF A VERY WEIRD JANUARY THAT HELPED DISTRACT FROM A VERY WEIRD JANUARY

The Wrath & the Dawn by Renee Ahdieh Every dawn brings horror to a different family in a land ruled by a killer. Khalid, the eighteen-year-old Caliph of Khorasan, takes a new bride each night only to have her executed at sunrise. So it is a suspicious surprise when sixteen-year-old Shahrzad volunteers to marry Khalid. But she does so with a clever plan to stay alive and exact revenge on the Caliph for the murder of her best friend and countless other girls. Shazi’s wit and will, indeed, get her through to the dawn that no others have seen, but with a catch . . . she’s falling in love with the very boy who killed her dearest friend. She discovers that the murderous boy-king is not all that he seems and neither are the deaths of so many girls. Shazi is determined to uncover the reason for the murders and to break the cycle once and for all.

This was so good?!?! I finished the first book and them immediately started the sequel, like no break whatsoever?!! I wish they weren’t teenagers?!! But seriously I wish they hadn’t been teenagers. Like, I get it. It’s YA. That probably sells better, something about markets that I don’t understand. I don’t care. It was weird that they were teenagers. Also, some of the plot points just kind of...happened? And I’m not entirely sure they were ever resolved. (Although there are a bunch of short stories, so. Maybe I just haven’t gotten there yet.) Despite that, the writing was gorgeous, I remain as prone to swooning over sad boys patent pending as I was when I was sixteen and Shahrzad was a fantastic heroine. Nine out of ten (would have been ten if they weren’t teenagers) and have already put holds on other books Ahdieh has written. 

OBLIGATORY RAGE-INDUCING ROM-COM

Head Over Heads by  Hannah Orenstein The past seven years have been hard on Avery Abrams: After training her entire life to make the Olympic gymnastics team, a disastrous performance ended her athletic career for good. Her best friend and teammate, Jasmine, went on to become an Olympic champion, then committed the ultimate betrayal by marrying their emotionally abusive coach, Dimitri. Now, reeling from a breakup with her football star boyfriend, Avery returns to her Massachusetts hometown, where new coach Ryan asks her to help him train a promising young gymnast with Olympic aspirations. Despite her misgivings and worries about the memories it will evoke, Avery agrees. Back in the gym, she's surprised to find sparks flying with Ryan. But when a shocking scandal in the gymnastics world breaks, it has shattering effects not only for the sport but also for Avery and her old friend Jasmine.

I stopped reading it. Honestly. I got, like, 46% of the way through, kept complaining to Justin about how goddamn annoying Avery was and how no one had any personality and I wanted them all to fall off the beam and he was like—stop reading it, then? And I was like—I can do that? And then I did! Also, I understand it needed conflict, but the “shocking scandal” in the description is a sexual assault that was not only NOT my cup of tea, but felt like a massive attempt to be topical by using what happened at Michigan State without actually saying it was about Michigan state. 

PEOPLE WHO DON’T KNOW SPORTS WRITE SPORTS AND DO IT OK

Evvie Drake Starts Over by Linda Holmes In a sleepy seaside town in Maine, recently widowed Eveleth “Evvie” Drake rarely leaves her large, painfully empty house nearly a year after her husband’s death in a car crash. Everyone in town, even her best friend, Andy, thinks grief keeps her locked inside, and Evvie doesn’t correct them. Meanwhile, in New York City, Dean Tenney, former Major League pitcher and Andy’s childhood best friend, is wrestling with what miserable athletes living out their worst nightmares call the “yips”: he can’t throw straight anymore, and, even worse, he can’t figure out why. As the media storm heats up, an invitation from Andy to stay in Maine seems like the perfect chance to hit the reset button on Dean’s future. When he moves into an apartment at the back of Evvie’s house, the two make a deal: Dean won’t ask about Evvie’s late husband, and Evvie won’t ask about Dean’s baseball career. Rules, though, have a funny way of being broken—and what starts as an unexpected friendship soon turns into something more. To move forward, Evvie and Dean will have to reckon with their pasts—the friendships they’ve damaged, the secrets they’ve kept—but in life, as in baseball, there’s always a chance—up until the last out.

I am admittedly a sports snob. Writing about sports is my thing and I’m super particular about reading about it. But this sounded good and for the most part it was good. Emotional, too. Like, “jeepers, that was intense” kind of emotional. But also some of the things Dean talked about were just...not how sports work and that drives me nuts. Also another story that was, as mentioned, super emotional only to get tied up in this nice little bow. Which, cool, but also...not? Just felt rushed at the end. 

IN WHICH SHIPPING IS QUESTIONED AND I JUST LIKE BEN BARNES

Shadow and Bone by Leigh Bardugo Soldier. Summoner. Saint. Orphaned and expendable, Alina Starkov is a soldier who knows she may not survive her first trek across the Shadow Fold—a swath of unnatural darkness crawling with monsters. But when her regiment is attacked, Alina unleashes dormant magic not even she knew she possessed. Now Alina will enter a lavish world of royalty and intrigue as she trains with the Grisha, her country's magical military elite—and falls under the spell of their notorious leader, the Darkling. He believes Alina can summon a force capable of destroying the Shadow Fold and reuniting their war-ravaged country, but only if she can master her untamed gift.As the threat to the kingdom mounts and Alina unlocks the secrets of her past, she will make a dangerous discovery that could threaten all she loves and the very future of a nation. Welcome to Ravka . . . a world of science and superstition where nothing is what it seems.

I wanted to like this so much. So, so much. And sometimes I did. Sometimes I did not. At all. World building is my weakness and this has got it in spades, but the characters are kind of—boring? I couldn’t really bring myself to care about Alina and I wanted to kick Mal in the shins sometimes. The only interesting one was The Darkling who’s like the embodiment of all evil and I am not here to ship-shame anyone, but it’s kinda weird to ship him and Alina. I pictured Ben Barnes the entire time. I’m still excited for the show. I’ll read the sequel at some point, probably. 

BEING A JERK IS NOT ROMANCE, YOU’RE JUST A JERK

Would Like to Meet by Rachel Winters It's Evie Summers's job to find out. Because if she can't convince her film agency's biggest client, Ezra Chester, to write the romantic-comedy screenplay he owes producers, her career will be over. The catch? Arrogant Ezra thinks rom-coms are unrealistic—and he'll only put pen to paper if Evie proves to him that it's possible to meet a man in real life the way it happens on the big screen. Cynical Evie might not believe in happily ever after, but she'll do what it takes to save the job that's been her lifeline . . . even if it means reenacting iconic rom-com scenes in public. Spilling orange juice on a cute stranger? No problem. Leaving her number in books all over London to see who calls? Done. With a little help from her well-meaning friends and the adorable father-daughter duo who keep witnessing her humiliations, Evie is determined to show Ezra she can meet a man the way Sally met Harry. But can a workaholic who's given up on love find a meet-cute of her very own?

I love cliches. Love ‘em. Want to read about ‘em, want to write about ‘em. Here for happily ever after. Much less here for the overused and antiquated cliche of dude doesn’t believe in love like girl does, dude ridicules girl’s belief, dude was secretly in love with her the whole time. It’s super dumb. And we should stop writing it. Also really done with rom com girl can’t figure out her life! she’s overworked! she doesn’t have time for her friends! Super duper dumb. I don’t know guys, this book happened. 

FAST-PACED ROMANCE ISN’T AS WEIRD WHEN IT’S WELL WRITTEN AND THERE’S A MOOSE INVOLVED

The Tourist Attraction by Sarah Morgenthaler He had a strict "no tourists" policy...until she broke all of his rules. When Graham Barnett named his diner The Tourist Trap, he meant it as a joke. Now he's stuck slinging reindeer dogs to an endless parade of resort visitors who couldn't interest him less. Not even the sweet, enthusiastic tourist in the corner who blushes every time he looks her way...

Two weeks in Alaska isn't just the top item on Zoey Caldwell's bucket list. It's the whole bucket. One look at the mountain town of Moose Springs and she's smitten. But when an act of kindness brings Zoey into Graham's world, she may just find there's more to the grumpy local than meets the eye...and more to love in Moose Springs than just the Alaskan wilderness.

This story of Alaska marries together all the things you didn't realize you needed: a whirlwind vacation, a friendly moose, a grumpy diner owner, a quirky tourist, plenty of restaurant humor, and a happy ending that'll take you away from it all.

I’m not one for slow burn, but I also have a hard time believing romances that happen in, like, a blink. Not the case here! It was so goddamn cute! There was a moose! Graham kept calling Zoey darlin’ and it made my heart try to explode in my chest! Stars Hollow-levels of small town with lots of side characters and a good plot and a restaurant that everyone always went to! You guys know I’m trash for everyone always going to hang out in the same restaurant! I’m reading the sequel now, so that’s how much I enjoyed it. 

AMAZON BOOKS THAT CONTINUE TO BE WAY BETTER THAN THEY SHOULD BE

Elodie of the Sea by Shari L. Tapscott (part of the Eldentimber Series) Eight years have passed since the marriage tournament that decided the fate of Princess Pippa of Lauramore and strengthened alliances between the kingdoms of Elden. The competitors have moved on with their lives. Some have found adventure; some have found love. Prince Bran of Triblue, however, has put his life on hold, preparing for his father's crown. Two days before Bran's winter coronation, just when the prince cannot afford distractions, a girl washes onto the Triblue shore. She has no memory of her past life, no clue who she is or where she belongs—nothing but a ring on her finger and a peculiar marking on her cheek. And the newly crowned king has more than a mysterious girl to worry about. The sea has become unpredictable. Storms claim ships in the dead of night, and sailors return with horrifying stories of monsters from the deep. It soon becomes clear the girl and the bizarre events are connected. The girl came from the sea... and the sea wants her back. But Bran isn't willing to give her or his kingdom up without a fight, even if it means he must request help from every corner of Elden.

Listen, sometimes you have to read about a mermaid who lost her memory and the soon-to-be-king who’s, like, immediately in love with her. I mentioned Tapscott’s books in the 2020 post and the sentiment remains the same. You ever read a book that reads like fic? Lots of banter, some romance, steady pacing. That’s what her books are like. There are five in the Eldentimber series, all about a different princess in a different kingdom, but they all connect so characters pop up again and again and then they kiss. It’s real good. 

[coeurvrai]

Last we left off, Nadya passed out for the billionth time after escaping from the room where she was imprisoned and was found by Malachiasz. This time, Nadya wakes up bandaged in a room at the top of Pelageya’s tower.

Pelageya tells Nadya that she knows who she and Malachiasz really are and is aware of her status as a Cleric, because “this palace has been without any blessing of the divine for so long that you were practically shining when you stepped inside.”

“Though,” she considered, tugging at a spiral curl, “he’s not your king. Not mine, either. He’s not even sterevyani bolen’s king, now, is he? Is it treason if we all here swear to different crowns? Except…” Her gaze narrowed on Malachiasz. “You can’t really swear to your own crown, now can you?”

“Careful…” he murmured. He flexed his hand over the arm of his chair, nails flashing iron in the dim candlelight.

Shut the fuck up, Malachiasz. Also @jefflion​ already told me this particular spoiler, that Malachiasz is actually the Queen’s illegitimate child, so I’m both annoyed but also it kind of makes sense? Because either way, Malachiasz wants the crown and sees the crown as his.

Pelageya explains that a certain Vulture rose up the ranks and found out a way to attain godhood, so he told the King in a way to strengthen the relationship between the court and the Vultures; because the previous “Vulture queen” was ruining the sect and the Black Vulture wanted equal power. And so King Izak wanted to perform the ceremony, to give him the power he desperately craved.

“The Vulture disappeared. Poof! There one night, gone the next, leaving his cult to scramble in his absence. Because the Vultures need direction, they need their Black Vulture to lead them, and he had vanished.”

Nadya was listening at a distance, refusing to let the witch’s words catch up to her, to connect all that she was hearing, but she knew, she knew. Would that it had been so simple, that Malachiasz were just a Vulture recruit who got scared and fled. The world was falling out from underneath her and she had no anchor, she had nothing, because nothing was even real.

AND NADYA PUTS TWO AND TWO TOGETHER.

Look, I’ve been 99% sure from the start because that’s what happens when you advertise your book as a villain romance and also say it’s for Alina/Darkling shippers. The plot twist isn’t really a plot twist.

It was Malachiasz. It had always been Malachiasz. The leader of the cult, the one who had spun all of this into motion, the one who had smiled and charmed his way into Nadya’s trust because he could do terrible things with her power if he had access to it. She wouldn’t be sitting here with bandages covering her body if not for Malachiasz.

Look, you didn’t have to listen to him. You didn’t even have to go with him and Rashid and Parijahan to that church, because you had no reason to trust him or believe their plans or to even stick around to hear their plans. You, by all rights, shouldn’t had no actual reason to have been in that situation in the first place.

It’d be more believable if the book had gone along that Nadya was naive and unbelievably sheltered and that had a great effect on her nature and how she interacted with people.

But we literally threw away any semblance of that out of the window by Chapter 2 to double down that Nadya is Independent and Capable and Can Make Her Own Decisions and her upbringing at the monastery and especially as a Cleric has no greater effect on her perception of the world and her social skills.

Also you still haven’t found out what he did with your blood that one time!!!

“But he fled?” Nadya asked. If she pretended the one they were speaking of wasn’t sitting in front of them, listening in calm contemplation, maybe that would make this easier.

“He did,” Pelageya said. “But he came back. Do you think that is coincidence? That this clever boy and his clever magic have returned now?”

“Malachiasz?” Nadya said, her voice smaller than she would have liked, weaker. She willed him to look at her.

He looked different, sitting in the witch’s chair in a way that made it seem almost a throne. His black hair parted far on the right side, falling over his shoulder in inky waves, his pale eyes cold and blank. Less a boy, more a monster. Was that all he was? The silly boy who smiled too much and felt too deeply just a mask for the monster underneath?

Had she fallen for his lies exactly as he wanted her to?

I am going to scream.

You literally have called him a fucking monster and an Abomination and a Heretic ALL of the time, just to remind us that, yes, you still consider him an Enemy even though your hatred is paper thin and not at all believable even though your hatred for Tranavia and Vultures especially is supposed to be Important to your character.

But yes, you did.

He finally met her gaze, eyes softening, growing familiar. “It’s all right, towy dżimyka,” he said, voice soft.

It wasn’t. Not at all.

Pelageya laughed. “Is that supposed to make her feel better?” She stood up, walking around Malachiasz’s chair. “Is that supposed to earn her trust again?” She hooked a finger underneath his chin, forcing his gaze up to hers. She looked young. Nadya didn’t know when the shift had happened but knew the witch was a force of nature. A magic just as old and dangerous as either of them possessed, made worse by the wisdom of her years. “What have you done, Chelvyanik Sterevyani?” she whispered. “What will you still do? I don’t think love is such a force that it will stop you. I’m not sure you’re even capable of it.”

Okay, words are just getting thrown around now.

Also, bullshit! It’s not even something close to love. It’s more lust and attraction than anything else. They barely know each other! So of course love isn’t going to be able to stop him because there isn’t love between him and Nadya, because there hasn’t been time for love to develop between them.

Also this isn’t an enemies-to-lovers dynamic. I know I’ve said that before, but I want to just say it again. This isn’t enemies-to-lovers.

Nadya starts to have a moment, blaming herself and then saying that maybe he had changed, maybe they had changed him, maybe Pelageya is just trying to make trouble.

“I just want to end what I started,” Malachiasz finally said.

Ah yes, with a king dead at your feet and a crown sitting on your head.

Pelageya carries on, throwing around more words:  

“But, this isn’t just about you, Veshyen Yaliknevo. Chelvyanik Sterevyani. Sterevyani bolen.” She sat down on the arm of his chair and he shifted to the opposite side, as far from her as he could possibly get. “This is about the little scrap of divinity you’ve drawn to the depths of Tranavia.”

Nadya lifted her chin. She wasn’t going to let them see she was falling apart.

“She followed you a long, long way from home. What did you tell her to make her come so far without putting a blade in your back?”

Nothing too difficult, really. Just that they had a plan to assassinate the Tranavian King and for some reason, Nadya just went along with honestly without that much fuss, because y’know, the plot demanded it.

Also, as much as I find Pelageya amusing and intriguing, the way she’s being all touchy-touchy with Malachiasz, who is still a teenager, slightly uncomfortable.

“... Now that you point it out she does have the look of a girl who goes for—” She leaned over and tipped Malachiasz’s head back again, baring his throat. His fist clenched over the arm of the chair, nails now just long enough to be visible claws. “—sensitive flesh.”

Like, could you not? We get that Pelageya is creepy and strange already, Emily Duncan, you established that in a Serefin chapter with the prophecy thing.

“I never told her anything that wasn’t true,” he said, voice carefully restrained.

Lie by omission is still a lie, mate. What you omitted was pretty important. I mean, it was obvious and I already knew it, but still.

Pelageya still keeps creepily touching Malachiasz and Malachiasz keeps trying to find excuses for everything, insisting that they’re going to end the war. 

“Why are you here, Malachiasz?”

“I have told you. My reasoning hasn’t changed just because you know what I am now. I want to save my country. I’m one of the few people who can; surely you understand that.”

He was giving her nothing, less than nothing.

“I don’t believe you,” she said softly.

That’s one of the smartest things Nadya has ever said, and that’s saying something.

Nadya, who didn’t know how to hold herself together after this. Nadya, who couldn’t pull her gaze away from Malachiasz, unable to reconcile that the boy she had traded jokes with, that she had kissed, was a symbol of Tranavian heresy. A monster greater than all others.

I- you literally knew that he was a Vulture. That made him “heretical” as is. You knew he was powerful, you literally he was more powerful than Serefin! You called him a monster.

I know, objectively, that this is supposed to be a betrayal for you but you can’t just act like you haven’t been calling him all these things for 75% of the book!

She thought she knew what she was doing, coming here, but now she was in a foreign country, surrounded by her enemies, and the one she had anchored her safety to had been lying to her from the start.

Because the plot demanded that you trust him and go along with their plan even though you had no real reason to.

Pelageya tells her that the entity connected to the necklace that Kostya gave to her is called Velyos, a former member of the Pantheon. That the reason she is cut off from the gods currently is because King Izak is strengthening that “veil” of blood magic that hangs over the capital. 

“There is your magic, which is good, of course. And then their magic. Blood magic. Heresy.”

“It’s just magic,” Malachiasz said.

Still haven’t explained why Marzenya just can’t fuck shit up when magic is one of her domains, plain and simple. And yes, you can argue “the veil” but the veil is still made from magic. It still hasn’t explained why blood magic is so different and untouchable when blood magic is still, at its core, magic.

Pelageya tells Nadya that a witch is just someone with magic of their own, not beholden to the gods. Nadya balks at the thought. Pelageya taunts them both, stating that Malachiasz doesn’t have the power of Vultures that he once did.

The witch had said it to sow more discord, but if he didn’t have full control of the Vultures, maybe that meant he actually was helping them? She shouldn’t give in to hope. She hated that she was so damn hopeful.

I’m rolling my eyes, because Nadya is being predictable at this point and I have no hope for any character consistency besides the fact that it's inconsistent.

A sudden insistent knock on the door made all three of them pause. Then a voice, terrifyingly familiar, came from outside.

“Pelageya? I need to speak with you.”

Of course it would be the prince.

And that’s the end of Chapter 26! YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!

[the-zodiacs-written-in-the-stars]

Chapter 21: Carry & Sunny

Sunny liked the way Joss' messed-up hair framed their face. Joss only wore it open when presenting female; it was the biggest cue Joss had given. Clothes may vary on how they felt, Joss generally preferred pants and suits so that wasn't much to work with and not every day Joss felt female, Joss also had the energy or mind to put on make-up or such. For Joss personally, hair was an important issue. It had always been an important part for her to feel it frame her face, falling loose, play with the slight curls she would get if not straightened, while during his time thinking he was trans, he had found it empowering to shave it off. Either way, there was never a hair out of place with Joss though; Joss was quite the perfectionist overall. So to see it not just loose – which Sunny had seen a lot already – but messed-up and fluffed-up was... very endearing.

“Are you staring at me...?”, grunted Joss, voice gruff from sleep, dark eyes blinking open.

“Yes, I am. You're cute when you're sleeping”, hummed Sunny unapologetically. “Good morning.”

“Mornin'... coffee...?”, asked Joss hopefully.

“I don't drink that awful stuff and since I wasn't expecting you to stay over, I have none”, chimed Sunny, maybe a little more apologetic. “I make a mean hot chocolate though, if you'd like.”

“...Fine”, sighed Joss, sounding clearly disappointed.

The two of them had been on a relatively spontaneous date last night. They had gone dancing and afterward, tired and with Sunny's place closer, they had both gone there. Nothing had happened, Joss had even slept on the couch, being perfectly polite and a little flustered, but it was somehow still nice to wake up with Joss right there. While Sunny prepared breakfast, Joss disappeared into the bathroom. The whole time, Joss' phone was buzzing with new messages. Curious.

“Emergency at work?”, asked Sunny when Joss, with the phone in hand, walked in.

“No. It's... something else”, sighed Joss, running a hand through their hair.

Once they stood right beside Sunny, they kissed her softly on the cheek, making Sunny smile. Daisy, Sunny's very much beloved little terrier, was chirping and circling Joss in excitement. There was something Joss was hiding, but Sunny was content to wait until Joss was ready to share it.

“You know you could tell me, if you wanted”, offered Sunny, picking Daisy up and kissing her little forehead. “I'm a good listener, or so have I been told. And whatever it is, it seems to weigh on you.”

“...We're planning a jewelry heist and we can't seem to fully agree on the details.”

“I can't tell if that is a joke-answer or a metaphor or... oh you are literally planning a... what.”

Joss rubbed their face and sat down on a chair facing Sunny. “Literally. There is a... very valuable jewel that is... in the possession of someone who is not the rightful owner... to put it mildly.”

“So you're... stealing it back?”, asked Sunny intrigued.

“You could say that”, confirmed Joss, tapping their fingers against the table.

“Who's we?”, asked Sunny next, concern evident on her face. “I mean, a good heist needs a good team. Ocean's 8 is all I'm gonna say there.”

“It's... a good team, I suppose”, chuckled Joss softly. “But... I think it's better if you know as little as possible... just in case anything goes South. I don't want you involved in this.”

“Okay. Let's talk about something different then. When am I going to meet your friends? We should schedule that soon, because planning your birthday party with total strangers would be awkward.”

Joss made a face, while petting the very insistent Daisy with one hand. “You're really going to throw me a birthday party, aren't you...? I'm not much for parties, Savitri...”

“I know that. So let's not call it a party”, offered Sunny gently. “I just... You, me and your best friends. A small round. We could play... board-games and eat good food together, that's all.”

Joss grumbled softly and with a head-shake gave up. “I have to leave. I have to get home and get showered and changed before work. We'll talk later, okay?”

Sunny pouted, just a little bit, but she leaned in to kiss Joss gently before they left. Toward the end of her breakfast, her phone started buzzing. Her mug of hot chocolate in one hand, she reached for her phone with the other to check. She had been added to a group-chat, titled Joss' Birthday Not-Party. Joss had started the group-chat. And left it, after adding various numbers. Angelique Lamour, Sebastian Weinberg, Sander Hancock, Melanie Maguire, Elizabeth Liddell, Noxia Black, Alina Preston. For a not very social person, that was a rather impressive list.

Sunny recognized the names, having listened closely whenever Joss was telling her something personal. She knew Angel was Joss' best friend, they had met through work. Alina, Noxia and Elizabeth – Lizzy, Laureen's little sister – also worked with Joss. Sebastian, Sander and Melanie were part of Joss' book-club that Sunny was considering to join.

A small smile found its way onto Sunny's lips. She knew Joss acted grumpy but even Joss wanted to be surrounded by the people they loved on their birthday. Sunny hummed happily, before getting distracted by an incoming text from Joss on their private chat.

Hope you're happy now. NOTHING big though.

Sunny smiled to herself at that, but before she could type an answer another text came in. When is your birthday? You haven't told me yet.

That was right. Joss' only had come up because, well, it was coming up. October 8th. So you still have five months go go, no worries ;)

With her mood high, Sunny went about preparing herself for the day.

 ~*~

 Carroll Lewis was a woman with ambition. Her ambition had brought her where she was... and would bring her where she wanted to be. At the top. Being pulled into the Zodiac-nonsense was the best that could have happened to her; the power she now wielded.

If only her boss wouldn't have a personal agenda. Making these things personal was... never a good idea. This should be treated like business, because it was. They could make so much money with this, instead of playing cat and mouse with the goodies. It was going to end in a disaster, she could already tell. However, she was not being listened to.

When out of nowhere, she was suddenly wrapped up in vines in her own living room, she blamed that very not listening to for that. If they had just cleaned up and taken care of this earlier, then there would not be a merry band of heroes in her villa right now, leaving her – and her bodyguards – tied up in thick, sturdy vines. She gritted her teeth. Her reflexes were good, if she was expecting it.

“We're not going to hurt you. We just want Libra”, stated Sagittarius seriously.

Carroll rolled her eyes irritated. “So boring. Harming is half the fun.”

Leo approached her and took the brooch from her. She did wonder how they had figured out her secret identity. That was the problem. One could not take the jewel while actively bonded with the Zodiac and using the powers. And this had come too sudden for her to act.

“I'd like to pay you back for what you did to me”, whispered Leo, sounding bitter.

“Oh, bu-hu”, sighed Carroll bored. “I told Serpentarius I should just finish the job and take the jewel from your body, but she had... 'plans', whatever that means.”

“Who is Serpentarius?”, asked Taurus, pointing her golden lance at Carroll.

“You'd have to hurt me to get that out of me and you wouldn't”, snorted Carroll unimpressed.

“You're awfully... neutral on this whole situation”, observed Gemini with narrowed eyes.

“Libra is strong, yes. But there are so many constellations to choose from. Take this from me, I will not be powerless. I'll find out who you are and you'll regret this.”

The great heroes exchanged looks at that. All very dramatic, really. How annoying. At least with minions, they simply followed orders. This bunch, they were probably all 'democratic' and made decisions based on not harming others. Morals, such a hindrance. Though she was going to have some strong words with a certain snake-bearer about this mess. If they had done it Carroll's way, they would have at least half the Zodiacs already, instead of letting the 'heroes' get away with everything and for the main part just play around with them, waiting. Carroll was done waiting.

 ~*~

 Sunny was admittedly surprised to find Joss in front of her apartment when she got home. She had spent the past two days texting with Joss' friends about the birthday not-party and she felt like she could quite like them – especially Angel seemed like such a cheerful and delightful person.

“Did we have plans? Did I forget something?”, asked Sunny softly when being pulled into a kiss.

Joss was wearing his hair in a tight bun and, pressed up like this, Sunny could feel that today he was definitely binding. Two very clear indicators. He was also looking that very nicely cut vest that Sunny loved so much because it outlined his frame so nicely.

“I'm sorry I didn't contact you much since our last date”, whispered Joss.

“I assumed... you were busy with your... heist”, hummed Sunny and unlocked the door, leading Joss upstairs to the apartment. “I take it, everything went well, since I'm not visiting you in jail?”

“We stole a jewel from Carroll Lewis yesterday. Yes, the Carroll Lewis. It's... not just a jewel. You've been paying attention to the news too, right? The superheroes. There are jewels that bestow these kind of powers to humans. She... was using it for bad things so we took it back.”

“You... took it back...? What does that mean?”, whispered Sunny, trying to keep up.

Joss sighed and rubbed his cuff-links, just to be surrounded by a bright glow – and who remained was Gemini... one of the heroes that were all over the news. Sunny gasped and stepped back.

“I wanted to tell you, however I also did not want to get you... dragged into this”, admitted Joss.

“Then... Then why are you now?”, asked Sunny, eyebrows furrowed.

“You're a Libra. October 8th”, said Joss like that was in any way an explanation.

“...Is that supposed to mean anything...?”

“There is a lot I have to explain to you in detail, but the short of it is that... these Zodiacs can only bond with those born under their sign. As a Libra, you can bond with the jewel of Libra. Me and... my team... spent all of yesterday debating who to give it to and...”

“And you volunteered me?”, yelped Sunny, to equal parts flustered and shocked.

“You're the kindest, sweetest person I know, you would use it for good... and you would treat Libra right. He's... been abused by Carroll and above all else, he deserves to be treated right.”

His eyes fell onto Daisy there, peacefully sleeping on her pink little bed. Confused but intrigued, Sunny accepted the pink marble. It immediately started glowing and Sunny somewhat understood. A dog appeared, an all-pink dog with his tail between his legs. Carefully, Sunny sat down.

“Hello there, sweetie”, whispered Sunny gently. “It's okay. No one's going to hurt you. Are you hungry? I have some very good dog-treats here – Daisy can attest for that.”

Daisy stirred at the sound of her name, shaking her head which made the pink bow in her fur flop back and forth adorably. Curiously, she jumped out of her bed and went to sniff the new dog.

“...Treats?”, asked the pink dog, sounding unsure – and okay, the dog could talk.

With both eyebrows raised did Sunny regard Joss. “You owe me so many explanations there. But for now, please change out of that silly outfit. And you, little guy, get some treats.” Daisy yelped. “I'm sorry. The both of you are getting some treats.”

“Can I have treats too? Non-dog please”, requested Joss with the fondest smile.

“You. You are glad I am fond of you”, huffed Sunny, wagging a finger at Joss.

There was a sheepish look on Joss' face as he changed back to his regular outfit, though... an owl appeared next to him. A pretty black and white one. Sunny had so many questions.

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