#but it doesnt help that the last time i got caught in a catastrophising spiral i turned out to be right

[commander-damneron]

I get that it's just kinda how life goes, but I'm honestly kinda mad that I've been relegated to being the 5th wheel of my d&d group. Like, it's not their fault, they obviously don't have to consider me in their relationship stuff, but when the table consists of two people who are somewhere between exes and qpps, and two people who aren't technically dating yet because they've not actually gone on a date together but are functionally sort of already a couple, it's just... it's kind of a bummer. And it's totally irrational because it genuinely hasn't affected anything gamewise, but I keep worrying it will, and beyond that I know I have baggage about being considered the "extra" friend, the one that people let hang around them because otherwise they'd be sad and pathetic and alone but no one really likes them or likes having them around, and I know this group get that because we've spoken before about how a lot of us have issues around that, but I'm just really scared that they'll be too wrapped up in couple stuff to notice or care and just. On top of all of it I'm terrified that it's going to lead to me being kind of off, either in person or in game, and then I'm the one dragging everyone down and I'm just kind of dumping all of this on tumblr because the people I usually complain to about this stuff and are cool about it because they're also mostly some flavour of ace and/or aro are the people I'm talking about and I don't want to be the guy who's like "how dare you be in a happy relationship when I am not", but just. It is just kind of a bummer