#but it grew into a monster of 1.5K words that ate most of my time today

[urlocallesbiab]

ok the initial post for brotzly fake couple's therapy au has already gotten way too long, so i take this as a sign i should start posting things separately and establish a new navigation tag

so, either way, a lil background on the characters

todd: exactly the same shit as canon, just imagine that instead of the seer-of-universal-truths syndrome there's some regular non-magical neurological disease running in the brotzman family.

farah: mostly similar to canon, just a bit toned down. she's not exactly an one-woman army, but she is freakishly physically fit, combat-ready, and proficient with common types of firearms — significantly more than you would expect any random person to be; she had always wanted to become a part of the police force like her brothers and father, but never passed the screenings due to debilitating anxiety, ocd and autism (never tried to join the fbi or the military tho; both her skills and her family expectations aren't That high).

her father had gotten terminally sick when she was a teen, and that significantly cut their income and added to their spendings, usa healthcare system be damned; old family friend, successful enterpreneur patrick spring, had stepped in to support them both financially and morally. farah ended up being halfway raised by him, always hanging out at his house and playing with lydia; out of all her family, save for her father, farah was the closest to patrick.

some time before the main timeline events, maybe half a year or a year ago, farah, patrick and lydia were having a nice family outing — up until patrick had been shot to death in broad daylight. his history of rising to success hadn’t been exactly pretty, you see, and the organized crime eventually took what was due. farah still blames herself for letting that happen despite her training and her worrying habit of never leaving the house without her gun; but if you asked her, really asked her how would she go about preventing that, she wouldn't be able to give you a good answer — it's just that one second he was alive, and the next he was not.

lydia, as both the key witness and the fortune's inheritor, had been taken into the witness protection program; farah hasn't heard from her since. she misses her like crazy, possible even more than patrick. therapy was meant to help her cope with the ruinous ptsd from those events, and she's been slowly, slowly making progress. that day she was having an especially Bad One — after which she and dirk got shit-faced — was soon after her father's death.

dirk: he grew up in the foster care system, and as a pre-teen was adopted by a kind and soft-bellied, if a little strict, ex-military man on a good pension, scott riggins. dirk had always been a bright kid, fascinated by complex mathematics (oh, the patterns! the beauty chaos and order! the language of the universe!) and some strains of physics (especially quantum studies; it all started with an article on shrodinger's cat and went downhill from there), quickly picking up on underlying logic within numbers (way quicker than his little undiagnosed autistic brain picked up on most social cues); teachers always promised him a bright future, even with the chronic lack of resources. scott had made sure dirk would get access to the best education possible, be taught by best tutors available, enroll into the best school imaginable; he gave dirk everything, and all the boy had to do is put in some effort. and he tried, oh god did he try; but he didn't do it hard enough. the new schoolwork load was multiple times bigger and harder than the worst he had ever experienced before, and he would often grow exhausted, distracted, unfocused and loose-minded (the adhd never got diagnosed either). some days a new and curious configuration would catch his attention and he would crack down on it with fervor, but some days he would just sit there and chew on the same three problems for hours on end to no avail. on those bright days scott saw his potential, his true and exciting and wonderful potential, and wanted the kid to live up to it; on the brain-foggy days, when he failed to do so, scott grew dissappointed. and whenever he felt disappointed, dirk felt it tenfolds on his skin. scott wasn't violent, godforbid, he's not a monster — just a little strict: it's just that he frowned, and tutted, and shook his head, and told dirk off, and didn't kiss him, and said things that dirk deserved to hear no matter how it felt, and took his books away (if there was anything the kid loved as much as math, it was thrilling detective stories, and sci-fi, ans fantasy, preferably all at once, read in one sitting) so that he wouldn't get distracted, and sometimes wouldn't call dirk down for dinner until he was done with the homework.

it hurt terribly to have the only person who'd ever cared about dirk, who had chosen him out of everyone else, who had chosen him and stuck by him, the only person in the world who loved him, be upset with dirk. for the longest time, dirk was convinced that he simply was lazy, and awful, and ungrateful, and hopeless, and the worst person to ever live, with how he let his father down time after time. but over the years, his self-hatred got so large he couldn't carry it anymore, and it spilled onto the mental image of scott, just so that he could breathe again; over the years, he grew bitter and disillusioned. as a young adult, he still couldn't tell if scott's demands and ambitions were fueled by simple materialistic hopes of fame and monetary grants, or a vain desire for glory, or some weird roundabout way of achieving personal fulfillment, but he knew for sure: scott riggins wanted himself a pet boy genius, not a son.

when the time came to attend college, dirk picked cambridge over harward, mostly because he would take any excuse to get an ocean away from scott. and he passed the exams — with flying colors! he was, after all, exceptionally smart. the teachers were delighted to have him; three months later he got booted because he missed half the classes and didn’t do any homework: drunk on the newfound freedom, stressed out by a trans-atlantic move, and lacking the only accountability system (however flawed) he'd ever had. he didn't tell scott, of course — he wasn't ready to go back home, he would do anything to avoid going there. so he took the college-student-allowance his foster father kept sending him, none the wiser, and set out backpacking across britain and then the rest of europe. soon it turned out that travelling cross-country is slightly more costly than living at the dorms, and there were only so many plausible excuses he could use to cajole more money out of scott, and coming clean about his strategical-omissal-of-crucial-information-that-wasn't-tecnhically-outright-lying was out of the question, so dirk had to cut some costs: skip a meal here, sleep on a train station bench there, get chased out by foreign policemen once or twice, a few times of staying overnight at some shady moldy place with some shady people whose language he didn't speak too well — nothing any other travelling young person hasn't seen, truly. he was coping alright. eventually scott caught wind anyway, and dirk, not that dirty and scrawny, had been forcibly dragged home. from there it's been a steep decline in the relationship: more harsh demands and more desperate pleading, more affection followed by more coldness, threats and promises from scott, and a few failed attempts at coninued education, a few move-outs followed by a few move-back-ins, plus a few ultimately abandoned career choices from dirk, who never seemed to grow out of whatever it was that was wrong with him, even as a decade slowly passed and gave way to another one.

when todd meets dirk for the first time and asks the inevitable "so what do you do for a living?", dirk introduces himself as a writer, which, combined with his rather frivolous spending habits and impressive disposable income, leads todd to assume that dirk must be some literary genius, top-nyt-bestseller, author-of-future-classics madly successful type of guy — but in reality, he sits on his arse and writes experimental-storytelling-style sci-fi/fantasy/whodunnit fusions that no agency interested in commercial success wants to look at, he's been published only once by a tiny indie house that paid him jack shit and a penny in royalties, and half his money still comes from scott. that financial dependence is the main reason dirk's in the us at the moment — he's been pulled from his latest bout of doing volunteer work for a queer nonprofit in eastern europe by the threat of cutting his whole goddamn allowance off. as a compromise, he returned to the country but not to the city, claiming that he needed fresh scenery to inspire his creativity and maybe actually write a profitable book for once; really, he just hadn't been mentally ready yet to be in the same town as scott so soon. so, settle, washington it is, why the hell not.

by the way, "dirk gently" is his pen name — legally, he's still dirk riggins. also, in the skype calls he's sometimes talked into having, dirk still calls him "father", but behind his back it's been "scott" for almost two decades now: at some point growing up he felt the need to put some mental space between himself and that man in order to stay sane.

after his fateful Big Talk with todd, where dirk admitted the less pleasant parts of his childhood and youth in most detail he had ever did in his whole life, todd convinces him to start looking for a better job to support himself, change his legal name, and someday cut riggins off for good. also get some therapy, for fuck's sake, god.

[stayforya]

TO ALL THE BOYS I’VE LOVED BEFORE | HAN JISUNG

member: han jisung

genre: to all the boys i’ve loved before!au

words: 1.5k

summary: your letters are your most secret possesions. you write them when you have a crush so intense you don’t know what else to do.

a/n: this is a series and you can find the others here. we wanted to do this for a looong time and it’s finally here :) hope you enjoy <3

you reached your phone as it started ringing loud beside your pillow

your blackout curtains leaving your room so dark that you couldn't believe it was already morning

again your phone started frantically ringing

it wasn't your alarm, and you just remembered you don't set it for weekends

with your vision yet blurry you could see your phone’s screen, which displayed "HAN JISUNG"

"hey, jisung, what's up?", you said with your dry throat almost not letting out a sound

"WHAT'S UP?! where the hell are you?? don't tell me you were sleeping, y/n! IT'S 9AM!!"

oh. my. God. you totally forgot you promised to your best friend you were going to help him babysitting his little cousin

and it was already 9am, the time you planned with him

so you jumped out of bed and took a quick shower

you had no time for looking good, but you tried at least to put nice clothes on

and jisung wouldn't care for what you're wearing, but still you unconsciously picked your best t-shirt and pants

rushed to his house on a taxi and you made it almost at the hour you two planned

jisung was sitting on the driveway in front of his house

you loved that neighbourhood, and you missed living there

jisung used to play with you on a playground in front of your houses when you were kids

the playground was still there, but it got rotten, luckily you kept your friendship with him till now even moving to another neighbourhood

there was your best friend looking intimidating to you when you arrived

he was looking so cute, what you really didn't want to admit but he was and you could not lie to your mind

"y/n, you forgot this? my auntie is probably mad at me right know"

he grabbed your hand making way to his house

"sorry, jisung, I forgot to set my alarm. you know I'm never out on weekends, so I-"

"it's ok, we're actually in time. my auntie just left and my cousin is sleeping now"

both of you got inside his house, and you realized he was still holding your hand

he seemed not to care since you were like siblings and did all that pda stuff

jisung was the person you knew the most and the longest in your life besides your family

a sudden nervousness came to you, as you watched him holding your hand even when you came inside

"you had breakfast?? you know you're at home, if you feel hungry"

"oh, yeah, breakfast, I just ate a bread on my way"

"so, you want a sandwich? you really like the ones I do", you had never felt this way over jisung

he was literally offering to do something he always done, but why did it make you flutter?

maybe you never stopped to see how handsome he became

of course since he started to grow taller than you and going through all these puberty stuff he caught your attention

but as a friend, not as a guy that could make you nervous

you watched him cutely make sandwich for you, and you really liked them

jisung was usually a lazy person, he just liked to lay down on his bed and not move at all

so you loved when he started doing something for you

also jisung is so clingy to you

since he's not too much into meeting new people, he always invited you to his house

your circle of friends was the same with the same people for years

but you are the first one he's always looking for

and you loved that privilege

but it's been a while since he got you when you weren’t expecting

the sudden hugs he always gave you had a different effect on you

you always enjoyed them, but sometimes you were afraid to make it awkward

probably he didn't realize once he was always talking about girls with you

and you also move on with these feelings

years ago when you both were just teenagers he did the same to you

maybe it was even harder cuz you were filled with all the emotional teenager stuff

but with time your mind started with the "you really thought about this option? oh hell no"

so having something with him was a plan so far from you that thinking about it would make you feel nauseous

but you both grew up, and you could appreciate him even just being his best friend

still, watching him smile just making a stupid sandwich for you was a "two butterflies trying to make a wind" on your stomach

"oh God, jisung, this sandwich was amazing. you really are good on this, you could sell it and save some money"

"thanks! I never do it to anyone, even my mother, she will never have the luck to eat these. they are a special bonus for you"

"oh damn it, can you not, han jisung", you thought

he always said cheesy stuff that you actually loved and laughed at, but at least for today they could bang you down

"now my energy for today is all gone. when the baby wake up you take care of her, she's actually a little baby monster"

jisung laid his head on your shoulder for some seconds

not a necessary information, but his hair had such a good smell

he got up and messed with your hair while giving you the softest smile ever

"what was this for?", you asked trying to mess with him pushing his head

actually you just tried to avoid some awkward reaction from you

"what?! you're my best friend, you always give me the energy I need to keep going with my lazy life"

"exactly, your lazy life, cuz you just told me to take care of your baby cousin by my own"

"it would be so boring if I stayed alone here, so that's why I called you. she doesn’t really wake up, she's always sleeping. maybe she'll just be awake when my auntie come to pick her"

in fact he always called you when he was bored

you also loved to be with him, even when you were just lying on his sofa doing absolutely nothing

he stared at you while you finished your drink

that feeling rising again on you, making you avoid his gaze

"I just saw your shirt, it's so cool"

slightly choking on the juice you tried to recompose yourself

you felt so stupid to really think he would notice your damn shirt, what's wrong with you

but he did and you weren't expecting

"don't give me hope on this, I'm trying to move on", this phrase stuck on your mind

"are you ok?", he asked since you acted awkward

"I-I am, it's just funny cuz it's an old t-shirt, I just chose anything to wear today”

"y/n! I gave you this shirt on your birthday! we were shopping and I bought for me, but you made a fuss since you wanted it, so I gave you"

oh, Jesus

now there was a reason why you unconsciously chose that damn t-shirt

"right...my best friend gave me and... I did it on purpose! checking your friendship skills to see if you really pay attention"

stupidly trying to change this situation

"you're so dumb" he laughed at you again, messing your hair up

you hated when he did that, so for a second he couldn't make you flutter or get nervous

"so what? watch a movie or just scroll down on our phones looking for a boyfriend to this beautiful lady", jisung squeezed your cheeks till it hurt, and that was another thing you hated the most when he did

but it was good

as if your life told you to open your eyes and just stuck in a friendship with him

you wouldn't be able to realize how annoying he could be to you in a relationship, but even if your feelings tricked you these days, he is your best friend and your number one supporter

so just let it be beautiful as it is as best friends

han jisung,

you can't even imagine how hard these days were for me since I was stuck on some awkward feeling towards you. I never even imagined thinking about it when it comes to you. you're the cutest guy I ever met and the one that makes me laugh the most. you're my best friend and the type of relationship we have is so precious for me, you have no idea. but I really got lost on my feelings, and I tried hard to hide them in front of you, but you just keep being so sweet that I got tricked by my heart, and I was really without room to get out of them for a while. but spending time with you made me think again, and even if I think you can be the most caring boyfriend in the world, I can't imagine you not being my best friend. so I decided to move on and leave these thoughts behind. I guess it kinda made me take a step ahead on my life decisions, and I'm so happy that you actually took part on this. thanks for everything, thanks for making a good memory that I can laugh about later. thank you for everything.

love,

y/n