#but it hurts. yeah fuck it hurts. i'm changing n growing n everyone else n the world is too

[kimtaesss]

OUR BELOVED HOME | JIN.2

Summary: your relationship wasn’t perfect, but it was good enough for both of you. Yet that all changes when you caught your sister and husband in bed.

Pairings: Jin x reader

Genre: angst; slight fluff?

Warnings: poor y/n going through it 😭. Everyone is bipolar! I mean it! Jin is a dick and so is the sister! Mentions of father; mentions of death? Just lots of breakdowns and cursing. Also, I apologize for the wait! Ik it’s been sooo long, but life has been hectic. And lots of my writing got deleted. So, I also apologize for this short and confusing chapter. Thank u for the patience and love 🤍

first chapter > Jin. 1

No amount of apologizes or excuses were going to make up what you had just witnessed.

It's never easy seeing the man you love, the one that you promised to share your life with, and all the craziness included, being in the arms of someone else. Or in this case, laying on his back, while your sister was straddling him.

Your sister?!

It wasn't a stranger. It wasn't even an acquaintance. It was someone you grew up with and admired. You always thought that you and her had a special bond, but you guess it was perhaps a way to get closer to your husband.

It's embarrassing to even admit this to yourself; in your mind. And the worst part is that you witnessed it all. There was no erasing or denying that can be done on your part, when you saw everything. And heard the lies, and no care from their very mouths.

You're not even sure where you are at this very moment. You're just standing in front of a bunch of lights that are slowly fading away, as the night grows closer. While your hand carries your sandals, and your cheeks carry your tears.

Once you saw that incident, you had to leave. You had to run away from your thoughts, the lies, the betrayal, and the hurt. But something's just can't be avoided. No matter how fast or far you run.

"Now, now. Stay close to me dear, we don't know how that lady is" you heard a mother attempt to whisper to her daughter, while she stared at you with such disgust, that it made you scare to look at your own reflection.

You wanted to go up to them, and say you aren't a bad person or even scary for that matter. Your mascara had just wandered all over your face, as your heart began breaking into tiny pieces.

But you get it. You get her. She's protecting the person she loves the most.

You're a bit embarrassed to admit you're jealous of a little kid. After all, she had someone who cares for her, and isn't ashamed to show it. While you just have a signature on a piece of paper, with a man who keeps anything but his promises.

It was strange. Your mind has so much and so little going on. It was as foggy as the weather, and as confused as you were walking into that.

A buzz kept bothering your state of mind. And you know it's them, or at least one of them attempting to silence your truth. And you want to ignore it, them. But you couldn't hide the love and care you still possess for both of them. It's not something that can be erased with a snap of a finger.

You're not sure what triggered you most. The fact that your sister is texting you. Or the fact that she was texting you?!

She didn't even have the decency to attempt to call you. Or blow up your phone. Or even follow after you. Especially considering that her betrayal hurt you the most. The only difference was that it was so unbearable that you don't even want to attempt to feel or think of the pain she caused you.

Mia: I'm sorry.

That's it? She must really not give a single fuck about you. You should ignore her.

You: You should be.

Yeah, that was never going to happen. You staying silent that is. At least not when it came to her.

You noticed another notification and realized Jin, your dear husband, had sent you a message, minutes before her.

Jin: I'm sorry! Please just let me explain! I thought that was you! I swear, it's nothing like that. Babe please text me back! I'm worried.

You: Worry about yourself.

You shut your phone. And stare up at the building in front of you.

After yesterday, you could have sworn that you would not end up here today. But here you are, stupidly falling back to your old habits. Which you suppose, could be worse. Or maybe not.

Jin could have not had a more horrible week planned out even if he wanted to.

When he woke up that morning he wasn't expecting it to start the way it did, or end the way it did.

He knows that what he did was wrong, he can admit that. And he can also admit that he's known for awhile now but that never was enough to stop him from having sex with his wife's sister.

It’s been a couple of days now, that he’s been released from the hospital. After all, it wasn’t anything major. He had a couple of bruises and swelling, he shouldn’t have been there in the first place.

He supposed you freaked out because you just cared that much about him. Or maybe you just felt guilty since technically speaking it was your fault not his.

He has chugged three beers so far, while he's been at his apartment. He figured he should have a separate place for his shenanigans. That's why, he hasn't been over to the shared house.

There was just no words that could come out of his mouth in this instant to get him out of this mess. None.

He's also been waiting on his food to be here for what seems like hours, but there have been no signs, nor updates about it. He's starting to lose hair from all the stress he's undergoing this week.

However, once he opened his front door he was unaware of how much more stress he was able to handle again.

"What are you doing here? Haven't you ruined my life already?"

"No." She says with a proud smirk on her face. "That was all your doing." She ends off her little talk with a shrug. As she enters his home, with no regards to his feelings. Even hits his shoulder a little on the way inside.

He stared at her with confusion and annoyance. He even tends to headache by massaging his forehead with his fingers. But decides he might as well get this over with.

"How? How is this my doing?"

She takes no time to answer. Almost as if she had rehearsed this whole speech and interaction. God, was she exhausting.

"It takes two people to have sex. And you loved it as much as I did before she entered the room. I made sure you did" she sent a wink your way, and even has the nerve to bite her lips. If she wanted to look sexy, she's failing. She just looks constipated.

"Stop doing that face. It's gross."

"Yet you loved it when you texted me the other night. What was it that you said? You wanted to ruin my pretty little face?"

He gulped, as he watched her continue her rant. It's not like he could butt in and deny it. It's exactly what he sent her. He was drunk, horny, and annoyed of the previous argument or lack of, he had with his wife. And he knew she would cave in, she just loves the attention.

"I was drunk and horny I would have said anything to get laid. But then again, you would just about accept anything, to get laid as well. I don't have to try hard when you give it up so easy. Talk about having no love for yourself."

"Oh! I love myself just plenty"

Her comment only made you giggle. Who is she trying to convince? Cause she sure as hell won’t convince you.

"I'm not your mirror. You don't have to lie to me. Everyone who sees you knows you don't love yourself. Maybe that's why you're always invested in your sister's life?"

"Maybe?" she gulps, as she pretends his words had no real affect on her. When in reality, they ran through her veins like blood. And cut deep like a knife. "But you don't love yourself either Jin."

"I don't?" He was taken aback by her comment, simply because he never truly thought about this, himself. Did he love himself? Maybe.

"I mean if you did why would you lose someone like my sister? I mean she loves you so much, she's taken on a second job to help you with the bills! Aren't you the man in the marriage? Sure doesn't seem like it."

He simply rolls his eyes, as there's not much that can be said to defend his honor. Although, he hates how someone as dumb and useless as her, is making him feel like shit.

"Why don't you do all of us a favor and man up. Huh? Maybe then, you'll realize that the only real loser is you."

And with that she left. She didn't care to hear his response nor worry about how her words were hurting him. She knew she did. Jin may not ever have the balls to admit it, but she knows him like the back of her hand. There's also the case that he's predictable.

Her sister would have noticed sooner if she stopped thinking with her heart, and stop seeing him through her love lenses. She was as they say, "blinded by love".

He, however, was slowly realizing one thing.

She was right about everything.

Your phone kept buzzing but your mind was more busy and bothersome than any other noise. It felt like there was town full of people, swarming your mind.

You wanted to stop all the noise you kept finding, even without looking. You wanted to think of all the misery your husband had brought you throughout the years, so you can just leave him behind. With all the past broken promises, and you suppose now the present ones included.

You wanted to let go of your childhood, of all the memories and times you felt blessed to be surrounded by a caring and beautiful sister like yours.

You wanted to pinpoint when your whole life was beginning to become a lie.

Were you too busy thinking about yourself to notice when things were slowly slipping away from you? Were you too cocky to believe that you wouldn't be betrayed by the people you love and adore the most?

It seems silly to even dwell on things like this. You shouldn't have to carry such burden and guilt, for being the victim to their games.

You scoff wholeheartedly, as you stare at the pictures with hand made frames, that held every moment of your life, with people who only managed to brighten it up to later cover it with pure darkness.

"Y/n! Please open the door!"

You heard the knock but your body was too busy dwelling on the pain, that there was no strength nor thought to stand up and open the door. It's not like you wanted to either way.

Or maybe you did.

Maybe you wanted to hear their excuse so you can move past this nonsense. Maybe it was a prank to make you feel guilty for what happened earlier with Jin and Jimin, that stranger who made you feel more like a human and less like an object.

How you wish you could find a solution to this problem.

"Please.." his voice was slowly becoming faint, weak. And it spoke directly to your heart, the way it jumped a beat, and broke to tears.

"Just leave.." you answer back, as you're unable to see him face to face.

It's been a few minutes, and there's still no silence from the other side of your door. Which has lead you to have an internal turmoil.

Should you let him in? Or should you let him continue humiliate himself?

Well at the end he's humiliating you, as your neighbors are becoming aware of his affairs, and your troublesome marriage.

Therefore, you made the decision to let him inside. Even though, you're afraid of the outcome. You're weak there's no doubt about it.

As you slowly twist the door knob to let him in your home, your shared home you suppose. You look down afraid to make direct contact right off the bat. Because like you said, you were far too weak to even attempt to be strong.

And once he enters inside your home, he takes no time to talk his heart out, as he falls down to his knees, hands colliding, rubbing against eachother as he begs for his forgiveness. There's tears falling down his cheeks, and although it breaks you to see him in this condition. Your mind automatically wonders if any of this is real or an act to save his ass.

Because he sure as hell doesn't want to save this marriage. He had plenty of time to go to couples therapy, as you recommended him to do, for years now.

"It didn't mean anything to me. But you do"

"I don't" You scoff, as your eyes fall anywhere but his. You know that you're already too weak to avoid his calls or texts, or to not let him inside your place. As you eventually caved in.

And you know it's partly because you still loved him. But there was also this part of you, that hoped he was telling the truth. That all of this was just a dumb and stupid mistake. How badly you wanted that to be true.

But as you close your eyes to flee his stare, your mind wanders to the very reason as to why this is even happening. You see your sister on top of him, moving in a way, you wished you could. You see his smirk as he runs his hands all over her perfect body.

You mouth begins shaking attempt to cover a whimper that was slowly building confidence. You slowly start to build that confidence as well, as your eyes catch a small glimpse of his. And like your marriage, you broke down in several different ways.

You cover your face with your hands, again believing that you'll be able to erase everything that you witnessed, but instead making it harder. Because as your eyes closed, the images just came back stronger. You had more space to think of their affair. You had more space to think of how lonely you've felt throughout your whole marriage, and for some stupid, stupid reason you can't help but blame yourself.

"Y/n... please don't cry. I- I only want the best for you. I hate seeing you hurt."

You glared at him. You couldn't believe the audacity or the words that came out of the very mouth that promised you a lifetime of happiness and love.

"If you hate seeing me hurt so much, then why hurt me? Then why sleep with my sister? And why do it when I'm in the same fucking place?! I- I can't believe I ever loved you."

I can't believe I still do.

"It was an accident?! Why can't you fucking understand that? Huh? Accidents happen and not everyone is perfect. I'm human. I'm flawed, and you knew that before we got married. So just deal with it. This is who I am"

You scoff, shake your head, and laugh a little at his comment. " Was it an accident when your dick slipped in my friend? Or how about that waitress on our 3rd year anniversary? And I'm sure I'm missing a couple more..."

"This again? Are you serious?" He pulls his hair out of anger. And slowly starts getting up from the floor, he was previously begging for forgiveness. Guess, he’s abandoning that too.

"You're paying thousands of dollars for therapy, just so you can stay in the same place? You said you forgave me, so why do you keep bringing it up?!"

"Because I can't forget!" Your anger is slowly turning into exhaustion. You feel defeated, and unheard. How could possibly forget everything he has done to you, during your marriage? Nothing made sense anymore.

"I can't forget that you always found a way into someone else's arms and not mine!"

"It's not-"

"Don't!" You place your hands in front of you to prevent him from stepping closer.

"I vowed to be with you through sickness and health and I meant it. I meant every single word that night, but I can't keep fighting over the same thing, over different people. I can't keep making myself at fault for something you did. I- I can't keep feeling like this. I can't."

"Like what? What exactly are you trying to say?"

Typical. He only answered a bit that was insignificant.

"Like I'm just invisible. I want to be seen! I want to be able to feel you with me. I want to be... me. I don't know who I've become but I hate her. I hate me." You look down and start thinking.

"And it's stupid because I hate me more than I hate you. And I don't deserve that. And you don't deserve me."

"We deserve eachother." He immediately butts in as if it would confuse you, and make you agree with him.

"We probably did at some point. But we don't anymore."

"Y/n... just think about what you're about to say.."

There’s nothing to think about. He cheated again. He lied again. He choose someone else over you again.

"I want a divorce as soon as possible."

And with that you grabbed your purse, and walked out of your own house. You couldn't breathe if you had stayed longer.

And you hate that those words escaped your mouth, you were taught better. You were taught to fight for as long as it is needed, if it involved someone you loved.

And in a way you did abide by that. Because even though you love him more than yourself, the person that needed that extra love was not him but you.

You're not sure what else happened that night. And you chose to keep it that way.

Because the only thing you are sure of, is the headache you are currently possessing.

"Where the hell are my pills"

Unfortunately because of the fucking sun hitting your face, you can’t see anything. Leaving you to throw your hands around every spot until you feel a bottle, and hope it’s the one with the pills you need for this headache. Seems like you’ve been having more lately.

"Right drawer" a man with a deep voice comments, and you immediately jump, as you’re clearly startled by this random voice in this random setting.

You begin rubbing your eyes, and then shift to placing your hands onto of your eyes, hoping it blocks the sunlight. And gives you more access to the person in front of you.

But as you squint your eyes, and do all sorts of sports to have a clear view. It seems like your view only seems to be more out of focus.

"Dad? What are you doing here?"

"You accidentally butt dialed me. Figured I should come check on you, once I heard your argument with Jin." As he’s explaining everything to you, you slowly hide behind your blanket, or pillow. He’s simply laughing to your nonsense behavior, as he always does.

You’re sort of glad it was him over your mother.

"Oh." You begin sitting up on your bed. "That's embarrassing...."

"It's not." He answers with sincerity, that it almost makes you feel more at ease. But then you cringe, remembering the argument you had with your husband, and your father hearing everything.

You glare at him. Because of the position he put you in.

"It's not!" He attempts to assure you again.

"You know how many times, me and your mother had the divorce talk?"

That’s one way to bring you back to your senses.

"I don't know. How many?" You question, but also slightly shifting to avoid his gaze. You don’t like to make eye contact, it makes everything real.

"Too many times! We talked about getting divorce so much, it took time out of our days, making it impossible to actually go get it." He chuckles, as he starts imagining those days, the arguments, the threats. And a sad smile forms on his face, knowing that his marriage was ever at a point of ending.

"Well that's always nice to hear dad. I love how open you are about your lack of love in your marriage. While mine is also crumbling."

"I'm not bringing it up to hurt you. I'm bringing it up because well honestly speaking. I enjoyed the arguments with your mother more than I've enjoyed any normal conversation with anyone else."

"That doesn't make sense. You're not making sense."

He laughs. "What I mean is it's easy to want to give up on a marriage when it's hard or you know, serious offenses are being made like cheating. But sometimes it's important to realize that every human has a flaw, and with marriage we are supposed to accept that and even embrace it."

"Dad you're going all traditional on me."

"Y/n-" He attempts to cut you off and even begins remembering the speech he had prepared beforehand.

But you didn’t let him.

"No! Look I appreciate that you came all the way here to speak to me about your marriage, and what not. But this is mine. And I'm just not sure I can get passed this betrayal. I've forgiven enough."

"He just doesn't love me.." You lowly say, afraid to be judged by him. He was never fond of him, but here he was defending him instead of you. Maybe, you were asking him to talk all the shit he’s been holding in.

Of course, you’re never lucky.

"He does. Just speak to him." He placed his hand onto yours to give you some comfort. But you don’t feel it. You don’t feel his hand, his warmth, or comfort.

It makes you think of many things, but you attempt to shake it off and continue with your.. therapy session, you suppose.

"I already did. Trust me he doesn't."

"Well, I can't make you do anything but I'm always here. You know I'll always be your guardian angel."

Guardian angel? That’s a weird way to say he’s always going to protect you. You would have thought he would have said something cringe like a bodyguard. That was more on brand for him. But it’s getting sentimental, so you just go along with him.

"I know dad.. I know."

And with that you woke up. This time you woke up with all the lights turned off, with sweat pouring down your forehead. And your breathing becoming uneven.

You let out every single tear or emotion you held back, and release it. You had another dream about your father. And usually it's forgotten, but this time its not.

You look up and attempt to form a smile on your face, even if it was more on the sad side.

“My guardian angel”

Taglist: Tag list: @mwitsmejk @ikonsiconic @pretzelssbangtan @evafrechette @taelici0us @bjoriis @sukakakakakakkq @laylasbunbunny @belovedsthings @kimxhanbin131 @got7usernames @bambamsthings @rainfprest @whipwhoops @bloodline1632 @sevenlives07

[tala-bez-i]

At first sight II Chapter Six

(m!reader x Bonten!Haruchiyo Sanzu)

Fluff/slash/reader is male/cursing/BontenTimeline/drugs and alcohol mentioned/violence/blood/death

All characters that appeared in the Tokyo Revengers manga and anime belong to Ken Wakui.

Words: 3730

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It was almost 9 am and you were starting to feel uneasy because the man you had spoken to earlier still hadn't shown up. He didn't seem like the type to chicken out and either something had happened on the way to the police station where you worked or someone had forbidden him from contacting you. 

Either way, it didn't bode well, and you started to wonder if you should contact Tomoko about it to ask her if she knew anything. 

You looked at your partner who, despite the dark circles under his eyes, indicating that he had slept much less than usual, seemed calm and not too concerned about the non-appearance of a member of the group of male prostitutes managed by Jun Takenaka. 

“Don't you think we should call some of them in for an official questioning about Junko?” You asked in a hushed voice so as not to disturb the other investigators in their work. 

“Do you think they would come?” Okumura looked up from the documents he was working on for a moment. 

“You never know...” 

“Sometimes I don't understand why you trust them.” 

“The one who doesn't trust has spoken...” 

“Not as much as you. Sometimes I get the impression that you’re more naive than you seem.” 

“More naive?” You frowned slightly and Shinji pursed his lips. 

“You know... I mean, sometimes you act like those types of people wouldn’t be able to trick you or hurt you in other ways.” 

“They’re people, just like everyone else.” You said calmly, reaching for the cardboard folder to double-check some information. 

There was silence at your desks for a moment, but you could feel the man's searching gaze on you. You tried to ignore it, trying to focus on your work, but the atmosphere was becoming less and less bearable. You winced slightly, anticipating what was about to happen. 

"Should we smoke a cigarette?" He asked casually and you both left the office, and when you sat down on the empty benches in the smoking area outside the building, you took a drag on your cigarette as if that was exactly what you needed. 

"Y/n, is everything okay?" 

You sighed, feeling your irritation growing and nodded, not taking your eyes off the tree growing nearby, whose leaves were discoloring more and more, losing their soothing green color in favor of the colors of the approaching fall. 

“Yeah, what could be wrong?” 

“You’ve both just moved in and done some minor renovations, so…” 

“Nothing has changed between me and Emi.” You looked at him briefly. “Really.” 

“So you’re coming over this weekend, like we talked about?” Shinji asked, his lips stretching into a small smile. 

“Ah, that…” You blushed slightly and bit the inside of your cheek lightly. “No. I mean, I’ll come. Emi has other plans.” You laughed nervously. “Apparently I suggested it to her too late.” 

“Apparently so.” The man said, giving his voice a gentle tone, but you knew better. He suspected something. “Too bad, my princess was hoping to finally see her friend.” 

“They call each other, right?” 

“Actually, it’s not quite like that.” Shinji scratched his head. “Mimiko calls Emi. Never the other way around.” 

“Fuck, I'm sorry. I didn't know.” You felt sad and when your gaze met Okumura's, you knew he noticed it too. “I guess their friendship is fizzling out.” 

“I guess it already is.” He shrugged. “The day my oldest son was born.” 

“More like the day Mimiko bragged to Emi that she managed to get pregnant.” You added, looking away to look at the gray sky. “Emi avoids pregnant women like they have some contagious disease.” 

“Don't say that.” 

“You noticed that too.” 

For a moment, there was silence again and you smoked your cigarettes in peace, watching the wind dance among the treetops. 

"We haven't used protection since the very beginning of our relationship, you know?" You said more quietly, surprising your partner with this admission, who looked at you stunned. "I've never noticed her buying a pregnancy test." 

"Maybe she uses other protection, you know? Women have their methods too, all they have to do is go to a gynecologist." 

"I don't think so. She never mentioned it, I didn't ask but..." 

“Maybe she's embarrassed?” 

“Of what?” You turned your head to look at him and the man shrugged, clearly not knowing what to answer you. “Shinji, she's not embarrassed. She tells me about various things related to her intimate area. She wouldn't be ashamed to talk about contraception. That's not it.” 

“Do you think she's... You know? Infertile or something?” 

“I don’t know. Maybe... I would prefer the woman I love and want to spend the rest of my life with to be honest with me.” 

“Are you sure?” Okumura asked after another brief moment of silence. 

“Sure about what?” 

“That Emi is the one you’re meant to be with?” 

No. Of course not. 

“What do you mean?” 

The man shrugged. “When I first met Mimiko, I knew from the start that she was the one…” 

“I had that with Emi.” You said quickly, feeling deep in your heart that it was only half-true. 

“Maybe, maybe not.” He took a drag on his cigarette and as he exhaled the smoke, he laughed. “I think you prefer bananas to melons.” 

You choked on your own saliva. “What... *cough, cough, cough*... you're talking nonsense, *cough, cough, cough*... Okumura!” 

The man put his cigarette in his mouth and patted you hard on the back. When you got your coughing fit under control, you glared at him. 

“Oh, come on. No offense, but you get looked at strangely around women.”  

“Mind your own ass, okay?” You grumbled slightly indignantly. 

“Where did you get such an absurd idea?” 

“I saw how you looked at those boys and how they looked at you.” He elbowed you in the shoulder. “Think about it...” 

“I'll leave that without comment, really. Fuck...” You grumbled, finishing your cigarette. “I look weird around women. I look normal, like any guy who's straight...” 

“Fine. Straight.” 

“Are you suggesting that I am…”

“No. Of course not.” Okumura raised both hands in surrender, his eyes slightly worried by your tone of voice, which was starting to show frustration, or at least the beginning of it. “Look, I’m sorry. I’m not insinuating anything, really. I know you love Emi and not in a platonic way... I’m sorry, sometimes I say something stupid.” 

You looked away for a moment, feeling your anger evaporate, because what were you supposed to be angry about? The fact that someone noticed that you were interested in both sides? Absurd. 

“Okay, I'm sorry too. I overreacted a bit.” You said, extending your hand to the man in agreement. 

He shook it without hesitation and smiled uncertainly. “But you're going to come over, right? The plan hasn't changed?” 

“I'd give up the company of your lovely wife and your sons' stories about how they're making trouble at kindergarten? Never.” You smiled. “They took after their daddy, didn't they?” 

“I'm a good guy and I always have been.” The man was slightly outraged. “Their mother liked to make trouble as a child.” 

“I will never believe that.” You replied as you entered the building to get back to work. “Mimiko is a real angel.” 

“Uh-huh, with a halo supported by horns.” 

“Good thing you’re here.” One of your colleagues caught up with you as you headed towards the elevators. Both you and Okumura looked at him in surprise and immediately noticed that something was wrong. “Some guy came with an old woman to report her son missing.” 

“What does that have to do with us?” You asked, watching the man’s face. 

“The guy wants to talk to you and Okumura. He mentioned something about agreeing to be questioned about the murdered Takenaka.” 

You and Shinji looked at each other even more surprised than before. 

“He has long black hair?” 

“Yes. He's waiting for you in the interrogation room.” Your question was answered, and your interlocutor shook his head. “This missing person has a high classification. The guys will go to the city to look for him.” 

“Life threat? Why?” Okumura asked. 

“He's taking medication that he didn't have with him, and he didn't take another dose today. He didn't come home after the night.” He explained as he walked with you to the elevator. “His mother had to be taken home. She's supposed to tell our guys more about her son.” 

“Shit…” Okumura cursed as you took the elevator to the correct floor. “Will you send us the form later?” 

“Sure, no problem.” The detective nodded as you walked down the hallway again. “I’ll email it to you in a few minutes.” 

“Thanks, Seki.” 

“Do you think it’s one of the guys we talked to yesterday?” Your partner asked.

“I didn’t notice anything wrong with any of them.” You answered truthfully. “But then again, you can hide a lot of things under well-done make-up.” 

“Unfortunately.” 

A policeman withdrew from one of the interrogation rooms, holding an empty coffee cup in his hands, and when your eyes met, you knew that this was where your long-awaited interlocutor was. 

“I’ll bring him a new one, he asked.” He mumbled an explanation, and you nodded. 

“Hey, Tomioka…” Okumura asked him with a smile and the policeman stopped mid-step. “Could you bring one for us too?” 

“Sure, of course.” The other answered him and Shinji handed him the appropriate amount of money. 

“The change is for you. Treat it as a tip.” 

The policeman looked at you with wide eyes and when he saw the slightly malicious smile on your partner's lips, he pursed his lips and walked away without a word. 

"Thank you, Tomioka!" 

"Leave him alone." You growled at the man and pulled him by the elbow into the room. 

"Oh... I'll have to invite him for a pint sometime. He's a good guy, isn't he?" 

"Shut up." 

A young man, who you had actually talked to the day before, was sitting at the table. Part of you thought he would come dressed as a woman and seeing something completely different, you felt a certain disappointment. 

The young man was dressed in a white shirt and light gray plaid pants. His light coat and thin scarf were hanging on the coat rack by the door. He had long black hair tied in a low ponytail, and gold-plated wire-rimmed glasses perched on his nose, behind which those piercing maple syrup-colored eyes looked at you both. 

He stood up from his chair and bowed like a well-mannered person. “Good morning.” He said politely, in a more masculine voice that was soft and warm. “I apologize for being late. I should have taken that card from you though. It would have been faster.” 

“No problem.” Okumura said, motioning to the chair again. “Please sit down.” 

You all took your seats and the man nodded, indicating he was ready. 

“Alright, Mr.…” Shinji began, but the man interrupted him with a slightly raised hand. 

“Katsuro Wada.” 

“Mr. Wada…” 

“Katsuro. Please.” 

“Katsuro. I understand something unexpected happened today, correct?” 

“Yes, I was asked to help by Mrs. Yokota. Her son, Riku, has not returned home and she has not been able to contact him.” He explained calmly. 

“Riku Yokota, right?” 

“Riku Miyajima. His mother remarried when Riku was a little boy.” Katsuro looked at you and your partner carefully. “I came to tell you everything I know about Jun Takenaka and the business he did with Jin Nagasawa with Bonten’s permission, and to tell you everything I know about Uncle Shou.” 

“Alright.” You said and Okumura suddenly stood up from his chair. 

“Just a moment, please. It would be good to take notes.” The man said, heading towards the door. “I’ll be back in a moment.” 

“Before my partner gets back…” You began in a calm tone, observing the man sitting across from you. “Can you tell me more about Riku’s disappearance?” 

“He was at the nightclub as an escort for one of the customers. All we know is that the customer dropped him off at a prearranged location after the party was over, which Riku himself reported to us. That’s our rule. He only had two blocks to walk, and he would have been safe at home.” 

“Is it possible that the customer came back for him and kidnapped him?” 

“No.” Katsuro replied firmly. “This client is trustworthy and would never hurt his favorite.” 

“I understand.” You said and there was silence, which was soon broken by a knock on the door and the entrance of a policeman with three cups of coffee. 

He put it on the table and left the rest of the money by the cup for Okumura, clearly showing that he didn’t take your partner’s words seriously. 

You thanked him and he nodded before leaving the interrogation room, leaving you alone with Wada once again. 

“Anna.” The other said, pouring two sugar packets into his cup. 

“Excuse me?” You looked at him in surprise, completely not understanding what he was talking about. 

“That's his nickname. Riku is Anna, you talked to him yesterday.” The black-haired one explained, and you felt your heart skip a beat. 

That nice, charming young man? Now that you think about it, he seemed more fragile than the others... 

“So, he is sick...” 

“Yes, but nothing that could pose a threat to our clients. He has a heart condition.” He nodded. “His mother made sure he took his medication regularly. That's why she raised the alarm when he didn't show up at home.” 

“I'm sorry.” You said honestly and Katsuro looked at you carefully. 

“You like him, didn't you?” He asked quietly and you froze, to which the man smiled nostalgically. “Everyone likes him, and Junko adored him. Our little Blossom. That's what she called him. Not Anna, but Blossom. He has a hit with the clients, he is talented, to put it mildly.” His face turned serious again. “Haji insisted not to call the police, but fuck, his situation is too serious to leave it to the syndicate alone.” 

“Good decision, Katsuro. His mother reported him missing anyway.” 

“Exactly. She knew what Riku is doing and asked him to stop, but the boy got too caught up in this life. Entertainment, money, expensive gifts. His mother isn’t rich, and medicines cost money, and this is the fastest way to get the right funds for treatment. Of course, provided that you have enough luck, beauty and talent.” The man explained and took a sip of coffee, after which he winced slightly. 

“Terrible, I know.” You said with slight amusement and pointed to the tiny package of creamer, a few of which Tomioka had brought. “It’s better with this.” 

“I’ve had worse.” Katsuro said as he poured some creamer into the cup, stirred everything and tried again. He nodded. “Indeed, now it’s more like coffee, thank you.” 

“I'm back.” Okumura said, entering the room with a broad smile, carrying a laptop under his arm, which he sometimes used when his desktop computer stopped working. He sat back down, pocketed the money, and turned on the device. “I'm sorry again. Now we can get back to what we're here for.” 

Katsuro pulled out his ID from his wallet lying next to him and handed it to you. 

“This time, it won't be without this.” He said and your partner started filling out the form. 

You looked at the document with interest and raised an eyebrow. It turned out that the slight man was only a year younger than you. 

“We can start.” Okumura informed you and Wada adjusted his glasses. 

“Bonten found us more efficient clients, that was about a year and a half ago if I’m not mistaken.” 

“More efficient?” You asked and the man nodded. 

“Those who can help the syndicate in various ways if needed.” 

“Like shortening sentences?” Okumura asked. 

“Or avoiding them altogether, yes.” 

You looked at your partner and from his expression you knew that a red warning light had also gone off in his head. 

“Of course, girls, real girls had more to take, but some influential businessmen were also interested in us and not only them. Some of us also became drug dealers in some nightclubs. The best of us was of course Jun Takenaka. He was also the one who searched for suitable, new boys. The syndicate only had to accept them.” Katsuro continued. “Me and Haji worked with Junko and Jin the longest, almost from the very beginning of the change of goods.” 

“Changes of goods? How do you understand that?” You asked, and the clicking of the keyboard fell silent as Okumura waited for the man to answer. 

He laughed briefly. “Jin ran an ordinary brothel with not very attractive girls. Poor district, dingy building... But when he got into trouble and Bonten took over his business, bolstering his ranks with increasingly beautiful girls, he got back on his feet. Later, Nagasawa dragged his boyfriend, Jun, into the business. That's when the syndicate noticed that more and more guys interested in Junko were starting to hang around their brothel, and the decision was made to make a certain attempt.” He took a sip of coffee and nodded. “Junko made an agreement with someone higher up in the hierarchy that she would substitute another boy for the clients instead of her.” He shrugged. “He didn't want anyone other than Jin to touch him.” 

The corners of your mouth twitched as fragments of memories of the colorful flea appeared in your head. Back then, she had said that the only person he was ready to have any kind of sex with was Nagasawa. Only him. So nothing had changed in that regard. 

“Interesting…” Okumura muttered under his breath, focusing on entering information into his laptop again. 

“They agreed to this arrangement, and I joined Nagasawa’s merry band. It wasn’t bad, really. Junko took care of order and following the rules, which, as I learned over time, were practically non-existent before.” You sipped your coffee, carefully observing the gentle features of your interlocutor’s face. He seemed a bit more masculine than Junko herself, but you didn’t consider it to be any kind of obstacle… “After a week or two, another guy appeared and then another one, and over time, the girls, who were transferred by the syndicate to other brothels, began to disappear. Eventually, Jin Nagasawa became a pimp for male prostitutes only, but he seemed relieved.” He grimaced slightly. “We can whine and make a problem out of nothing, but women can be more troublesome. Not that I have anything against them, but… You understand, Jin and Junko had to make sure that there were no unwanted pregnancies. Then, either abortion, which is troublesome because it is basically illegal, and on the other hand, the goods were too damaged, which was not to the liking of customers and the syndicate itself.” 

“Katsuro…” Okumura grimaced. “I have a request… Can we not talk about you and the women who share your profession as goods?” 

You both looked at him in silence. You had the feeling that you should be the one to make this small request, not your partner, but you were glad to see the discomfort written on his face. 

“Sure, fine. Colleagues, is that better?” The small man smiled slightly, squinting slightly at the investigator. 

“Uh-huh... Fine.” The man mumbled, returning to typing. “Thanks.” 

“So, after that change, the business started to bring in more profit, huh?” You asked, and the man nodded. 

“Yes, we had a variety of clients. From young to old, from well-paid workers to high-level businessmen. The same was true for their gender. Both men and women came. People have all sorts of perversions and preferences that revolve around guys like me. Small, even petite, and dressed in women's clothing.” 

“Uh-huh.” Okuruma mumbled, and out of the corner of your eye you saw him give you a brief, pointed look that you did your best to ignore, promising yourself that you would punch him after the whole interrogation. 

“So, 5 months before Nagasawa was arrested, Bonten introduced us to a client who was interested in collaborating on drug dealing outside of Tokyo. Their liaison to the syndicate was supposed to be Junko, among others. She agreed, tempted by the promise of additional financial resources and improved conditions at... our workplace. The promises were fulfilled. The business started to grow and eventually Riku joined our little family. He is our latest acquisition.” 

“And Haji? When did he join you?” Shinji asked. 

“Haji, yeah. Like I said, he joined somehow... Let me think.” He thought for a moment, looking away. “Yeah, he joined us about two weeks after me. He’s kind of a manager, right after Junko of course. When the bosses weren’t there, he kept order.” He laughed quietly. “Let’s just say he works as our security guard in the building.” 

“From what I understand, he wasn’t there during the tension between Nagasawa and this Uncle Shou guy, right?” You asked, and Wada grimaced slightly. 

“Yes, unfortunately yes. Otherwise he would have stopped Jin from attacking the client.” 

“I understand, thank you.” 

“Uncle Shou never told us his real name, but it’s certain he’s being covered up by the syndicate. I only know what Jun told me.” The man looked at you carefully over his glasses. “The guy has a few policemen in his pocket and is paying off some judge. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was the one who agreed to shorten Nagasawa’s sentence.” 

Your partner's fingers froze over the keyboard as his suspicions were partially confirmed. You looked at him, seeing a wave of red creeping up his neck and onto his face, but he didn't lose control. 

He finished taking notes and looked up at the man sitting across from you. 

"Are you sure you don't know the names?" He asked a little colder than before, and the long-haired man shook his head. 

“Unfortunately no, that was a secret that Junko knew. Maybe Jin knows more about it.” 

“I don’t think Nagasawa will want to talk to us.” You said in a strangely calm tone, drawing Wada’s attention. 

“He already knows about Junko’s death. If you tell him that you’re the ones working on the case, he’ll be willing to cooperate with you.” 

<PREVIOUS/NEXT>

[spamgyu]

right where you left me // oneshot

DESCRIPTION: Everyone had moved on with their lives but he was still stuck where she had left him; unable to leave the table that was once set for two.

PAIRING: Mingyu x Reader / Hoshi x Reader

GENRE: Angst (Fluff if you squint really hard)

ALWAYS PART 2 - can be read alone

Because I mean.... I wasn't going to leave you guys just hanging

Four years.

It's been four years since he made the conscious decision to let her go despite his previous promise to her of forever; claiming it was only for the best.

And he was right. It was for the best – but as months turned into years, he realized it was only the best for her. 

Because all while everyone in their friend group moved on from their college days, starting their own lives in the real world, he stayed.

Don't get him wrong, he was able to have a successful career – moving up to Director of Finance in no time; but that was only because he chose to drown himself in work. The only method he knew to silence the voices in his head.

The voices seemed to grow only louder as each day passed.

Today was no different. He had come home from a long day of work, completely prepared to change out of his neatly pressed suit into a much more comfortable attire to meet Minghao for happy hour at a nearby bar.

But of course, the universe wasn't going to give him a day off.

Amongst the pile of bills addressed to him, a particularly light blue envelope caught his eyes.

It had his and her name.

He didn't need to open it to know the contents.

He felt his chest tighten as he stared at their two names together, using one hand to grip the counter; stabilizing his footing. It was the same feeling he had felt when he had managed to stumble upon their shared instagram post of their silhouette in the sunset – with his best friend down on one knee and her hand clasped over her mouth.

It was a save the date.

Quickly pulling out his phone and putting it up to his ear, calling the one person that kept his secret. To the rest of his friends, they believed he had moved on as she had – putting on a great act each time they all gathered on special occasions. 

What they didn't know was how much it pained him to see the girl he loved be with his best friend. They didn't know that he would sit in his car for minutes to prepare himself to walk into the same room as the two, a fake smile painted on his face. They didn't know that not a single day passed that he didn't think about how he wished it was him that came home to her. 

And there was no one else to blame but him.

One ring.

Two rings.

Come on, pick up.

"Hey man–"

"Did you get yours in the mail?" His voice was gruff.

A sigh was heard from the other line. "Yeah. I'm guessing you got yours." 

"I can't fucking breathe man." 

"I'm sorry, dude. Are you still up for tonight? I'll pay." Minghao offered. He knew alcohol wasn't the best coping mechanism but he'll allow it. 

Just for tonight.

"Yeah. I'll be there in 20."

"I'll see you."

------------------------

"How did you do it?" He toyed with the half empty glass of whisky in his hand. His third one since their arrival.... an hour ago. 

"Do what?" Minghao asked.

"When Kaia got engaged, how did you manage to be okay?"

Minghao shrugged. Like Y/n, Kaia was the one girl that Minghao had let slip through his fingers. He was young and naive; unable to appreciate the girl in front of him because he was far too busy in his own world.

Guess birds of the same feather do flock together.

"I had to. It hurt as hell, still does, but what am I going to do? Call her up? Tell her to choose me inst–" Minghao trailed off, watching a smirk form on his friend's lips. "Don't you dare fucking do it."

Mingyu let out a chuckle, shaking his head. "I won't. Thought about it, but I won't."

He had lost count of the times he nearly called her in the past few years. Whether it was to beg for her back or simply just to hear her voice; Mingyu spent minutes staring at the contact that he had yet to change.

Just as he did with the endless pictures and videos in his camera roll.

It was the last few pieces of her that he had. 

In moments of weakness, he looked over those small moments of what they once were; pretending like nothing has changed.

Just for a moment.

"Good. You can be as reckless as you want. Just don't involve them. They're happy now."

Them.

Hoshi and Y/n.

After calling it off with y/n, he expected Hoshi to swoop in and save the day right away. Hell, Mingyu expected y/n to break-up with him and leave him for Hoshi. After the god for saken interaction at the gym during their senior year, he was so sure that Hoshi would have gone running to y/n and let her know about what had taken place and use this as his chance to win the girl over.

But his friend just had to be the good guy, with morals and all the stupid shit that he seemed to have lacked when he broke up with her, and he waited.

Hoshi waited a year for y/n to fully heal from the breakup, staying by her side until the right time came. Going as far as giving Mingyu a heads up that he would pursue her when the time came.

Mingyu could still remember that night as if it was yesterday.

He was getting ready for bed when there had been a knock at his door, catching him off guard. He had just gotten back from playing basketball with the rest of the boys and didn't expect for any of them to be hot on his tail.

He remembered that Hoshi looked absolutely terrified that night, practically stammering over his words before he was able to even get to his point.

"I'm not asking for permission, I think we're too grown for that but– it's been a year and you're okay and she's okay a–and–"

"Spit it out, dude." Mingyu chuckled.

"I'm going to try it out with y/n." Hoshi blurted.

Mingyu blinked. "That's it?"

"Well, yeah– you're my best friend and she's your ex–"

"Like you said. We're adults. Do what makes you happy, man."

He should have told him no.

He should have said some bullshit excuse like "bro code". But Mingyu was dating at the time and had yet to fully process the breakup the way she had.

What a stupid mistake.

Mingyu finished the remaining drink in his cup, standing up from his seat. "Going to get another drink– maybe two, want another?" He gestured over to the bottle of beer his friend had been babysitting.

Minghao nodded. "Get me shot too. You dragged me down with you and now I'm thinking about Kaia and her stupid fucking fiancé."

"I can't be the only one suffering." He winked, turning his heel to head for the bar.

Two rounds turned into five and soon, Mingyu had become incoherent. He had only been in this state once before, being able to handle his alcohol pretty well – it was the day he found out she and Hoshi had gotten engaged.

Mingyu was bed ridden the day after, feeling the aftermath of all the drinks throughout his body. He swore to himself after that day that he would never let himself reach that state again.

So much for that.

"Hey, come on sit up real quick." He felt a tap on his shoulder.

Mingyu groaned, sinking deeper into his mattress – wanting to sleep away the nausea.

This will be the last time. Promise.

"No."

"Water will help."

He continued to ignore his friend but of course, he was adamant – this time lightly shaking his shoulder.

"I'll throw up on you if you do that again." Mingyu swatted his hand away, his eyes remaining closed.

"Drink."

Letting out a defeated sigh, Mingyu managed to sit himself up — holding his hand out for the glass. Halfway through taking his sip, his mind finally registered the voice.

It wasn't Minghao.

Eyes widening, Mingyu whipped his head to where his friend stood.

Big mistake.

"Fuck." Mingyu reached up to hold his head, all while trying to understand why Hoshi was standing in his room – clad in sweats and oversized hoodie.

"You called. Three times." Hoshi read his mind.

Oh, he definitely took it too far this time.

"I'm sorry I bothered you. I– I don't remem–"

Hoshi shook his head. "It's okay. Just be glad that Y/n had her ringer on."

He didn't call Hoshi.

He called y/n.

"We figured it was something serious considering you rarely called her." Hoshi continued.

We.

Of course it was a "we". They lived together.

All while Mingyu drank his consciousness away, Hoshi and y/n were having their usual Friday night in — eating their take away on their white sherpa lined modular couch as they caught up on the latest season of The Bear. A tradition they have upheld since their college days.

The two were in the middle of watching Carm and Richie have their usual screaming match when y/n's phone blared loudly over their voices.

"It's.... Mingyu?" She flashed the phone screen to her fiancé, a puzzled look on her face. The last he had called her was nearly a year ago and it was only because no one else had been answering his texts in the group chat regarding their meeting place for their college friendgroup's annual get together. It was a short call, and not much exchange was made.

But their annual get together wasn't until 3 months from now.

And there was no reason for him to be calling her.

"Answer it." Hoshi reached for the remote to pause the show.

Y/n shook her head. "Most likely a butt dial."

Though the two were cordial, able to maturely share the same space with one another since their break up, y/n knew that there was absolutely no purpose for Mingyu's call unless it was an accidental one. They were friends but not friends who contacted each other outside of group settings and group chats.

They were exes after all. And exes don't contact each other like that. Especially not after 4 years of a beak up.

"He is at a bar right now." Hoshi shrugged, recalling Minghao's instagram story he had tapped through earlier that had Mingyu's handle tagged.

The two happily dismissed the call as nothing but an accident before her phone began to ring. Again.

"Maybe he's hurt?" Hoshi suggested as she pressed the lock button to automatically decline the call.

Ringgg.

"Oh my god, he better be." She groaned, tapping the accept button. "Hello?"

"Whydishuinvitwme?" The sound of the background music, indistinct voices from other patrons and his slurred words sounded nothing but a muffled mess.

"Mingyu are you okay?" Y/n she asked slowly, as if it would have made a difference. She knew he was drunk. In which state? She had yet to figure out.

For all they knew was that he had managed to get into a fight at the bar... or worse, gotten behind the wheel.

"No."

Y/n instantly sat up in her seat, eyes wide — causing Hoshi, who has yet to be filled in, to be in a panic.

"Where are you?"

"Hell." He slurred.

"Mingyu work with me here— Ming— hello?" Y/n heard the beep signaling the call has been ended on the other end, throwing her head back in frustration.

She had initially thought something bad had happened to him but considering the lack of information he was willing to give, y/n realized that his drunken state must have thought it would be funny to give her a call.

Very mature.

Hoshi was at the edge of his seat, trying to read her face. "What's going on? Are they okay? Is he okay?"

"He's drunk out of his mind." Y/n rolled her eyes; leaning back, waiting for him to resume the episode. "He'll be fine."

Hoshi stood from his seat, walking over to the counter – where their respective car keys sat in a ceramic bowl. The bowl that Hoshi had proudly created and painted for her during his senior year — it was meant to be a cereal bowl but y/n claimed that there was no way that it was food grade safe and had opted to use it for accessories instead.

Hoshi had originally took offense to this, spending hours at their school's ceramics room finishing the fine details of the dinnerware only for it to hold keys, various change, and lip balms. But of course, he couldn't resist y/n and grown to love seeing the stupid thing each time he paid her visit. Years later, this bowl had gone from each apartment she had lived at to their now shared home. A small gesture that later hold so much memories for the both of them.

"Let's go." He grabbed his keys.

"You're joking."

"No, come on. He won't call unless it's serious."

"But hone—"

Hoshi let out a chuckle, holding his hand out. "We'll be quick, baby"

"We don't even know where they are."

"Minghao's chronically online and tags all his locations. I think I have a pretty good idea."

The two arrived at the bar within minutes, sticking out like sore thumbs in their sweats in the midst of a crowd that were dressed for a crazy night out.

The world was definitely praying for Mingyu's downfall at this point. Receiving a save the date and being taken care by his ex's fiancé after a night out was not on his 2023 bingo, yet... here it is.

"Does she know you're here?" Mingyu swallowed. He had no memory of the call.

Hell, the last thing he remembered was a group of girls coming by their table and dropping off some shots for him and Minghao; insisting that it was all for a good fun. At his big age, he should have already known that mixing all sorts of liquor was a bad idea.

Hoshi nodded over to his bedroom door signaling that she was just a few feet away. "She's making sure Hao is okay in the guest bedroom. I hope you don't mind, he's spending the night."

"No, yeah that's— that's perfect. I'm sorry you guys had to come out and help us." Mingyu couldn't help but be embarrassed at his current state; afraid of the moment his brain decides to recollect the gaps of memory that lead up to now. He was 99.9% sure he had done something that would require him to go into hiding for at least a year.

"All good." Hoshi gave him a smile.

It was a genuine one.

Mingyu quickly shook away the thought of hating how civil and kind Hoshi was.

Because he knew if it was the other way around, he would have been quite annoyed. Who in their right mind would willingly take care of their fiancé's ex-boyfriend? And do it with a smile?

Granted, they are friends.

Just before Mingyu could utter another word, the door creaked open and her head popped in. She was fully expecting Mingyu to be fast asleep and was hoping to call her future husband out to let him know it was time to head home.

Hoshi looked at his friend's guilty face and glanced over at y/n. He didn't have to say a single thing for her to know what he wanted from her.

"I'll wait in the living room. Be nice." He whispered, placing a kiss at her temple before squeezing past her.

Y/n let out a small sigh, walking over to Mingyu's bed; his eyes trained on her with each move she made.

She looked beautiful as ever. It has been a while since he took in her features; in person at least. She had grown up to be a gorgeous woman, her features have now become matured — it was almost as if he could no longer recognize her.

"How are you feeling?"

"A little drunk still but manageable."

Y/n nodded, pursing her lips. "How are you really feeling?"

"I—" She was never one to be direct. At least, not with him. Taking Mingyu by surprise. "Physically and mentally? Horrible."

She hesitantly took a seat at the foot of his bed. "If we had known how you truly felt, we wouldn't have invited you, you know that right?"

Mingyu found himself subconsciously scoffing. "Whichever decision you guys make, it would have made me look like a total loser. Don't invite me, and everyone will notice and ask. Invite me and everyone will be giving me those stupid pity eyes the whole night."

"Last time everyone checked, we all believed you moved on. You broke up with me. You began dating first. Mingyu— I— listen, you're his best friend. He loves you to death. The past 3 years have felt normal, if we had known—"

She was right and it hurt.

He had put on such a great act for not just her and Hoshi but for everyone around him. Mingyu was able to convince everyone that he could careless if y/n had moved on successfully with his best friend. Going as far as bringing girls around during group settings, joking around with Hoshi about sharing the same girl, and actively initiating any conversation between him and y/n.

He should win an Oscar.

"I don't know what I said or what I did before we got to my apartment. I don't even remember calling you! I'm– I'm okay– Or at least I will be I– I just– seeing you with him hurts. But god, seeing that save the date– fuck I just felt like the wind was knocked out of me. I didn't think I could experience a pain worse than I had been feeling. It was a moment of weakness. Okay? So I'm sorry for ruining whatever image you guys had of me– or happy little group we all have." Mingyu chewed at his lip, running his fingers through his now very short hair. A haircut he impulsively given himself a month ago in an effort to make a somewhat of a change in his life.

So much for that.

"I fucked up when I was with you and I know I'm too late now. My intentions are never to fuck over what you two have, but it fucking hurts." He continued, placing his hand over his chest – gripping at the shirt. Almost as if it was the reason why his heart was feeling so constrained.

"Mingyu, these past few years we never distanced ourselves because you never said a thing. You told me yourself that you don't care. You brought girls around." Y/n heart ached seeing him in pain. She had initially been quite annoyed that Hoshi had forced her out of the comfort of their home to take care of two capable grown adults, but after what he had babbled on about in the car, and the confession he was spilling out now... y/n empathized with him.

After all, she once loved him. She once thought it would be him she would end up marrying. Despite the heartache he put her through, she still cared for him.

Y/n could see the pain glossing over his eyes. The guilt and sorrow that he tried so hard to mask.

How had they missed it all this time?

"I've always been pretty stubborn, haven't I?" Mingyu attempted to joke, forcing out a bitter laugh.

"Look, I only stayed around and kept up with the group because of Hoshi. You guys mean so much to him. He's not trying to rub it in your face that he's got me. He genuinely loves you. All of you. If he was allowed 12 groomsmen, I'm pretty sure all of you would be up standing by him at the altar."

"I'd rather fucking die, if we're being honest." Mingyu couldn't stand the thought of standing at the end of the aisle, waiting for her to come down only for her to be in someone else's arms.

"You know what I mean."

"I know. He's— I think that's why it hurts." He looked down at her hand, unable to stop himself from staring at the ring that sat perfectly on her finger.

Mingyu looked back up, locking eyes with her. "He's such a good man and every time I hear about you two, see you on instagram, or see you in person, I can't help but compare myself to him."

"Don't do that."

"He's everything I couldn't be for you."

"Don't say that."

"Is it not true? I was a piece of shit, y/n. I know it. You know it. He knows it. Everyone knows it. I think about the night I broke it off between us at least once a month. I can still hear you crying, begging for me to not end things. I remember the first time a brought a girl around and how broken you looked. I remember you left early that night. Hoshi took you home. I remember the text you sent me two months after we broke up, telling me how much you missed me and I just deleted that text. I—" His voice cracked, tears threatening to spill from his eyes. "I remember all the times I left you hanging when you needed me most."

"I've forgiven you for all of those things, Mingyu." Y/n said softly, reaching over to place a hand on top of his – stopping him from picking at the loose thread of his blanket. "It's all in the past."

Mingyu didn't know how she did it. How she was able to look him, the man that repeatedly broke her heart into pieces, and comfort him.

"But I haven't. I feel like I'm living in a constant nightmare I can't wake up from."

Don't get him wrong. He had tried.

He attempted to distance himself from the group but failed immediately — unable to stay away from the band of brothers he had found comfort in. They were all attached at the hip, having relationship ties with a majority of them since they were in middle school. No matter how horrible their fights got, they always seemed to go back to one another.

And this was no different.

Mingyu tried dating.

That too didn't work.

Because no matter how gorgeous or how smart or how funny the girl was, he couldn't help but compare them to y/n.

They never did measure up to her.

Not in the way Mingyu wanted.

"Mingyu..." She trailed off.

"I'll get over it. Like I said, tonight was just a moment of weakness."

"I really am sorry."

"For what? For moving on? Don't apologize." He shook his head. As much as he hated their situation, and not being to be the man that called her his, he also valued her happiness.

Something he wasn't able to do years ago.

"For choosing, of all the people in the world, him."

Mingyu winced at her words. "Can't believe I'm saying this but I'm glad it's him. He's— he's a good fucking guy. He worships the ground you walk on. Been doing it since our freshman year. He's– He's a great pick and at least I know you're in good hands."

There was no second guessing that Mingyu felt some sort of resentment towards Hoshi.

And it was all from pure envy.

Because despite being the first one to love y/n, Mingyu seemed to have done everything wrong. He started off so strong, fulfilling all that he had promised when he was trying to win her heart over the first few years. But of course, he fell short. He wasn't able to be consistent.

Not like Hoshi.

From what Mingyu has heard and observed from the two, they seemed to still be in the honeymoon phase. After all those years of pining and waiting for y/n, and the years of being together, Hoshi is still continuously pursuing her.

There was not a single Friday where he failed to bring home flowers; keeping the light pink vase by her bedside filled with fresh picks from the local flower shop. He made sure that despite their busy schedules, he had a date night planned and reserved. All she had to do was simply show up. Hoshi kept her updated, even if this was a quick trip to the grocery store — he made sure not a single ounce of doubt was instilled in her.

These weren't things y/n asked for.

Hoshi did it without being told. The bare minimum.

"I think it would have been worse to see you move on with a guy who treated you the same way I did.... or worse." Mingyu continued. Almost as if he was coming to the realization himself.

"You need to stop blaming yourself."

He couldn't help it.

Mingyu had always thought of the what if's.

What if he just fought harder?

What if he had just been a little more patient?

What if he never broke it off?

What if he was better with managing his time?

What if he told Hoshi no?

What if it had been him?

"I'll learn eventually."

Y/n scooted closer to him, giving his hand a squeeze. "To you, it may seem that things ended badly. And you may think I have this horrible image of you in my head but I need you to know all those voices in your head are wrong. You will always be this dorky guy that made my horrible days during school all the better. The boy that forced himself to watch Twilight Zone no matter how spooked he was because he thought it was the same thing as Twilight. The boy that learned to cook because we were two broke college students who couldn't afford to go on dates. The boy that took micro bio with me because you knew how much I hated science classes."

The tears he had fought so hard from falling no longer stood a chance; each droplet racing down his face. Mingyu had no idea these small memories were something that she held on to.

All while he replayed the bad times in his head — y/n only hung on to the good times.

"You will always be the boy that showed me how beautiful young love could be." Y/n placed a hand on his cheek; using her thumb to wipe away the tears.

Mingyu found himself leaning into her touch, closing his eyes. It has been so long since he felt her warmth — allowing himself to savor this short moment of affection.

Because he knew this would be his last.

"Thank you." Mingyu said softly, reaching up to place his hand over hers. "I think— I think I really needed this."

"In a way, I think I did too."

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sorry for the long wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! pls dont kill me lol