#but it is on my fic playlist. because spooky nicky fic rights.

[non-un-topo]

If I Had a Heart does things to me like it activates some primal wild woman instinct. I want to hum it in a chapel. I want to crawl on my belly through a forest. I want to lie amongst some ancient ruins and look up at the stars. I want to cover myself in dirt or ash and I want to wade through icy waters.

[julies-butterflies]

I can't tell whether you're just really good at describing people or making fan casts because holy shit, that is EXACTLY how I pictured them, Nicky especially. He is precious!!! All I want to do is hug him! So so badly. Wow, Ethan really does look like his dad. And the twins!!!!! Ohhh they're adorable! Erica and Nicky... I love them so much. Nicky being such a wonderful father is so powerful. Him remembering Reggie never fails to destroy me. The end of regenisis haunts me. I swear, I've read the whole thing at least 6 times and every time, it hits hard.

And yeah, that Nicky and Reggie prompt was me. Shocking, I know. I wish I could tell you how many prompts I sent in, but honestly, I don't even remember at this point. I kind of freaked out when you opened prompts, and impulsively sent as many as I could think of.

(Oh yeah, I also sent in the Julie and Carrie and the Alex and Reggie prompts. And I loved them both so so much. But that tends to be a given with your writing. I'd read your grocery lists dude, I'm sure they'd be riveting)

off topic, but! I checked out your playlists! "All I've Ever Known" is SUCH a jukebox song, I was happy to see it there! I'm curious, do you happen to have any songs that you associate with any of your universes? I like linking songs to stories, plus, you have great taste in music.

Anyways I'm still lowkey screaming about your update tonight!!!! That was seriously so good. I love how you write Julie and Carrie's relationship SO SO MUCH. You just get the nuance of that tension, the awkwardness, that specific flavor of pain so well. I'm so glad the band is getting gigs! The boys plans to haunt Carrie are hysterical. They are such himbos. I love that premise and how you executed it so so much.

I didn't even think about the POSSIBILITY of you writing something for the Pattersons in that universe! When I tell you that I have literally been thinking about that all day, I mean it! Oh my god. OH my god I am not ready. I am going to sob through it, I just know. Your Patterson pieces are just...god I don't even know where to begin. You write them EXACTLY how I imagined their relationship the first time I watched the show. Emily and Luke's relationship is utterly fascinating to me, and you just find all the little things, all the broken pieces that make up the tragedy and pick through them to create the most stunning character studies. I'm so excited ( and terrified) to see what you do. And I've never seen anyone explore the messy possibilities such a revelation would bring, and I've been thinking about that since I watched the show and now YOU'RE WRITING IT and I shall scream with joy.

I've seen you talk about your sister before and i'm so sorry for your loss. The catharsis is clear, the emotions in everything you write... There's just so much love in your stories. There's so much power, so much honesty and understanding. It feels like you're sharing your heart with us. That's the only way I can think to put it.

With love,

-Vampire Anon

oh god, vampire anon, you're going to kill me!! i just... thank you so much. thank you. a little piece of my heart goes into every story i write... and these past few months, it's been almost a relief to give some of them away.

you know that feeling when you've broken a glass, or a figurine, and there's just... pieces everywhere? tiny shards, jagged little fragments, and you think to yourself "... okay. maybe i can fix the bigger pieces, i can put it back together close to what it was before, but i don't know what to do with all these little, painful pieces?" and every time you touch them, they jab you, and you regret it??

that's what i've felt like, and writing has helped me get rid of those awful pieces. i'm thinking specifically, like... if i didn't know better, probably magic, cuts like broken glass. those are the pieces i'm most proud of, i think... the most cathartic ones?? like, regenesis (specifically the chapters where they're dealing with "reggie might be dying, can we really let him go") was so cathartic for me, because it really mirrored losing my sister. it's... funny what comes out when you need it to the most.

being able to look back at a painful period of life and see something you've accomplished, something worth being proud of... something that didn't just make you happy, but spread joy to other people?? like... being able to make people laugh, and cry, and feel so deeply that they connect with every word in a story... that's the gift of a writer, i think, and it's insanely powerful!

okay, so listen, i'm gonna take a while with the prompts (slow bitch with 20 wips here) but they will all get done!! hopefully they'll all be pretty good, or at least entertaining lol.

i've been working a lot on the carrie fic right now --- the outline is all finished, it's freaking going places! let me tell you, there's gonna be so much himbo activity (with a huge focus on female friendships, and repairing that painful rift between carrie, flynn, and julie!! and a bit of soul stealing, potential character death, and general spookiness in there). hopefully it will actually get finished!!

and i, uhh... threw another patterson fic out there today, so hope you're doing alright, baenon.