#but it just so happens you touched on a rhetoric I've been hearing recently in this fandom that has been annoying me

[sevensoulmates]

i don't see eddie getting his own queer arc i think for one it'd be repetitive. i think for eddie it's simply gonna be the realization that he's in love with his best friend. buck will be the experienced one of the two so it's not bling leading the blind.

I respectfully disagree. Personally, I don't think it'll be repetitive if Eddie gets his own queer realization arc, because both of them have two different experiences with queerness.

Technically diving into my own headcanon here, so fair warning but I personally (IN MY PERSONAL INDIVIDUAL SINGUALR OPINION (I hate to use disclaimers here but I'm not trying to get accused of biphobia here)) view Eddie as a repressed gay man. I don't believe he is truly attracted to women (at least romantically, sexually is another story but then I'd have to dive more into demisexuality which I don't plan to do here). Anyway.

Buck's experience with coming out would be as a man who has always been happily attracted to women and will find out that he is attracted to men IN ADDITION.

For Eddie, if he were to get a queer realization arc, I think it would be vastly different from Buck's because he wouldn't be realizing he likes men as well as women, he'd be finding out that not only does he like men, but he hasn't actually been in love/attracted to any of the women he was with in the past (and that includes Shannon, and NO I will NOT be elaborating on that). I think that this will end up triggering a whole huge overhaul of Eddie's view of himself, his entire life, his family, and his marriage, and I think it will bring him a lot of guilt. Eddie's not the kind of person just to be like oh guess that's why I never was into sex with Ana or Marisol whoopsies and move on. Man is gonna feel GUILTY. That's what he's programmed to feel in response to everything.

I was telling a friend that I bet you ANYTHING Eddie is gonna resist something with Buck out of some backward loyalty to Shannon. Like "No, I can't be gay. Because that means I was using Shannon." No honey you were not. You were just deeply deeply repressed and traumatized.

For me, an Eddie queer realization arc would be an entire deconstruction of every single thing he's ever believed himself to be. Which would be vastly different from Buck realizing he's bi. Buck's bisexual arc will likely come with its own bisexual-specific issues.

I also want to say that even if Eddie did come out as bisexual like Buck (and I would be 100% okay with that happening in the show) I think it's quite diminishing to say Buck AND Eddie both getting queer realization arcs would be "repetitive" because the fact of the matter is that every queer person has a different experience.

More than likely, if Eddie figures this out later than Buck, then yes, Buck will likely be the one most experienced. And I do agree that it's unlikely they'll have Eddie realize he's queer in the exact same way Buck does (ie jealousy over a 3rd guy, etc) but I do think there's a strong possibility of Eddie having his own queer arc. Maybe in season 7 in tandem with Buck, or maybe later in season 8.

Either way, I need people to get off this whole "stop rehashing past stories", "I hate characters making the same old mistakes" or "get off the hamster wheel" train. What I like about 911 is that despite the somewhat unrealistic disasters and calls, and somewhat over-the-top drama at times, the actual character journeys they tell are true to real things people go through. And in real life, people exist in cycles, and that's not always a bad thing.

[hellscookies]

Thing about dreams is they slip through your hands too fast. If you dont actively hold on to them and store them fast, they're gone forever. I think you can learn a lot about what's going on in your life by writing them out.

💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

I think I'm going to start posting my recent dreams/nightmares for therapeutical value from time to time. I'm sorry for anyone trying to make sense of them, or my writing, as I'm usually still waking up as I write them out.

🌜Backache Fueled Nightmare🌛

Where: Sitting at the park with a friend against a concrete "square" with "vents"- I think it's proly air filtration system that attaches from/ to the high school (or a neighbouring ?elementary school)where I'm a student.

When: Highschool, which was many moons ago for me, but oddly enough it feels like I never left in this dream.

What and Who and not really a why: Said friend and I smoke a joint and have a good conversation. Both of us venting about school politics. Although we both note that we're feeling invisible today, there are many people at the park right now doing their own thing. There are no adults around to worry about as we hang out. Many kids are in groups, or cliques, but there are also others that are on their own, studying, or reading, or just with their headphones on, and then there are others in pairs like us. There is even a pimple faced couple making out on the bench in front of us 🤯

I stand up and ask my friend to wait there for me because we have so much more to talk about, but that I need to go back into the school to use the washroom. I grab my bag, and as I get up from where we've been sitting, I notice she is one pack short of having a full carton of ciggies sticking out the top of her backpack. She says she'll wait for me, that I'm her ride or die.

What a coincidence that we both smoke the same brand of cigs and I've just bought a carton myself this a.m. and I have already dug into the first pack.

No wonder we are friends I think, and laugh, dismissing it.

I enter the school and out of laziness, I try to use the women's washroom attached to the school's faculty lounge.

No one ever goes in there after school, I should be good I think.

I'm immediately grabbed sternly by the arm by a creepy janitor. Pain shoots through my right arm. Annoyed, I tell him that stings! He does not even try to apologize, he says students are strickly not permitted in the faculty lounge. I notice the lounge is full of teachers and staff. I can see there is a huge sheetcake(no cookies🥴) and coffee being passed around, and a lot of balding big bellied men, and older women wearing awful floral patterns and heavy makeup. Note to self...dont cake on that makeup(or the cake)when I get older. As I turn around to leave, he tells me again, and I roll my eyes but I dont argue. What a condescending prick. My tummy rumbles a bit. I decide to use the washroom on the second floor near my locker so I can grab the lunch I didn't even touch.

On my way, I think back to my friends carton of ciggies. Was it just a coincidence that she has the same brand of carton with only 1 pack gone? Is it possible she took mine? I've never doubted her loyalty. She's always been so trustworthy, so I quickly dismiss the thought with a lol.

I'm so caught up in these thoughts, I accidentally open the door to the boys bathroom and as Im about to go in, some dude follows in behind me. I say, omg is this the boys washroom? He says oh yeah and I say something about it being a rhetorical question. The dude has such a pretty face and a huge head of hair that I almost mistake him for being a girl. The hairy legs give it away.

I turn around and go into the girls washroom. Every stall has a mirror in it. I pick the stall at the very end of the room hoping it will shelter me with the most amount of privacy. I need to check my bag for that carton of ciggies. Sighing, I find it exactly where it's supposed to be. I silently wish I could be a better friend, but it's so hard to trust people. I use the toilet, apply some lip gloss and high tail it out of the school.

With my doubts about my friend behind me, I hope she's waited for me because a good half an hour must have gone by! Funny thing is I knew she'd be there.

With a sense of relief, I see her sitting on the same cement block where I left her, smoking a cigarette and listening to her ipod. She has a journal out and seems to be sketching something quite seriously. She tucks it away quickly tho when she notices me walking up. I place my bag on the opposite side of us against the concrete wall and light up a ciggie. I sit down next to her with her backpack lodged between us. I notice her carton is now a couple packs lighter.

I'm more interested in her sketch, so I don't ask her about it right away. What was she sketching anyways? She's hesitant, but shows me the drawing and it's really incredible and I tell her so. She's sketched the couple making out from earlier, who are now no longer there. She says she wonders if she'll die a virgin.

Proly got themselves a room I say, and we laugh.

There is some small talk as we decide where to go from here because we've been here long enough - we already spend half our lives at school and it's the weekend. Although there are still some people in the park, most have left. I get this creepy feeling like we are being watched. I tell her about it and she says she feels the same way. She admits that she put her headphones on after I left because she swore she heard someone laughing behind her, but when she turned around to look, no one was there. I ask her now what happened to her carton of cigs? I feel a bee sting pain on my hip as she notices her smokes have disappeared. She's really upset. As she's saying something about how stupid she is, and that someone's upped them, I look over to my bag on the left and see a hand reach through the vent slits in the concrete wall we're sitting against. Everything moves in slow motion. In an absolute dream of a haze, I witness the hand eerily loop a finger around the strap of my phone and my phone disappears through the vent slit along with the fingers of that hand.

I now notice that my friend is sitting against solid concrete and that I've been sitting along the vent slits along with my bag. I know someone is behind me in those vents, but I feel like I'm pinned up against them and I can't move. I try to say something about it, but I choke and the words don't come out. I feel drugged. I am becoming instantly aware that I've been drugged with something very potent. Is this what heroin feels like? I try to reach my purse but I cannot extend my arm or even move from where I'm sitting. The hand appears again and this time it pulls my wallet from my bag. I'm screaming on the inside. Then the hand takes everything else-parts of my lunch, my keys, and then packs of ciggies while all the while my friend is still rambling on and staring out into space. I can't believe she doesnt see me and what is happening. I cannot believe NO ONE sees what is happening. I try with all my might to move away from there but I can't.

Strangely, and foreboding, I hear laughter and I am awake.

😱