#but it was very much ‘yeh of course thats whats happening w u’

[sobuildabeautifulcity]

censoring the name so it doesnt show up in searches bc its not my intent.

so i read the 1-6 of h/eartstopper online the other night because i was pretty sure i couldn’t actually watch the show and its free online. it was fine i think it definitely had a target audience that wasnt me, and if it had come out 10-15 years ago i’d have eaten it up.

i was right that i wouldn’t be able to watch it, it’s too… teenagery? and i just can’t get through that kind of thing for various reasons that have grown stronger as ive got older. its similar in a way to my inability to watch my / mad /fat diary - i never finished it because it was just… too much

the online version was a nice read, quite predictable (not in a bad way) and i think it was written in a way that was very appropriate for the characters?

it definitely reminded me of being a teenager but.. idk. i think theres a level of sadness associated with my teen years that makes things like this too difficult. the whole premise of found family is too intertwined with negative feelings for me (in the range of longing & jealousy & desire rather than anything else) and i just can’t quite deal with seeing people getting that.

ive watched a few clips of s2 on twit,ter that have come up and theyre sweet but im absolutely solid i couldn’t watch it. which is a little shame, but im not too disappointed - i think because i never expected to watch it. i am really glad it exists though. i hope 15yo queer kids can watch it and see their reflection in it. (and beyond 15yo but. thinking about myself.)