#but just because a description is bloated doesnt mean it doesnt sound fun or interesting so its whatever

[yoramkelmer]

Hogwarts Overexposed Chapter 5: Crime and Punishment

I once again hope to finish this chapter in one shot. 

And did you notice one thing? We are already five chapters into the third fic of the Saga, after the oh so grand reveal to our heroes in the final chapter of Too Exposed what the grand plot is. And five chapters in here, and we see NOTHING OF THE PLOT. 

When we last left, Caitlin, Emily and Kim and their american friends went on a nudist hike in the jungle, despite nudism being banned on the island. And just as they came to the edge of the jungle, they just happened to be arrested. 

"Sir, we're sorry," Brian beseeched. "Our clothes are in this backpack. No one saw us. Can't you please just let us get dressed and forget that this ever happened?"

Do you really think this would work? "Keep your hands out of that bag and carefully pass it to me," the officer ordered. "You Americans are all the same; you think we're savages and that you're above ours laws. I'll be making an example of you six."

What are the odds of just happening to get into the hands of a perverted cop? Well, this is Hogwarts Exposed, after all..... "But officer..."Caitlin began to implore. "Silence!" he bellowed. "I'm not interested in hearing any excuses or pleading. Save your whining for the judge. My truck is just at the end of this path, on the beach; head for it now and don't even think about trying to make a break." "But don't you want us to dress before leaving the forest?" Kim inquired. "I want you all to keep you mouths shut and do as you're told!" he answered irately.

Oh well.  Heads turned in shock as the six naked teenagers exited the forest and walked in a line toward the flatbed truck.

Come to think of it, isnt the cop here the one basically making a show here by forcing six naked teenagers to be seen in public? "What type of cop drives a flatbed truck?" Jeff asked his companions a little too loudly.

What an intelligent question to ask in such a situation.  "One that will have no problem shutting your smart ass mouth for you if you open it again," the officer threatened.

"Climb up onto the bed of the truck," he ordered, once they arrived at it. The boys assisted the girls up and then jumped aboard themselves. The bed of the truck had a pipe railing around its edge with three-foot tall supports located about every five feet.

One of the very few moments we actually get a description of something!  As the officer opened the passenger side of the truck and leaned in to retrieve something, Caitlin whispered to the others. "What's up with this guy? He arrested us for being nude, but now he's forbidding us to get dressed. No one saw us while we were in the forest, but now we've gathering a healthy size audience."

Well, it´s an excuse for another pointless scene where everything is fixated on the nakedness. Also, this is also a scene that serves the fantasies of the Suethor.  Before anyone could offer a possible explanation, the officer returned carrying an armful of handcuffs. He threw the cuffs on the bed of the truck and then climbed up himself. "You!" he yelled, motioning to Jeff. "Come here!" He grabbed Jeff's left wrist and slapped a cuff on it, quickly attaching the other side to the pole nearest the truck cab. He then picked up another pair of cuffs, attached one cuff to Jeff's right hand and ran the short chain around the next support pole before attaching the other half to Caitlin's left wrist. He continued this pattern until all six teenagers were standing cuffed to the railing facing the ever-increasing group of bystanders. Because apparently everyone wants to stare at naked teenagers. Then he just walked off, leaving them helplessly secured to the rail. For the briefest of moments, Kim's attention was drawn away from her bloated bladder -____- as she listened in embarrassment to two teenaged boys standing next to the truck. "I've never seen a naked girl before, have you?" The one boy asked animatedly, staring up at Kim in awe.

Have these boys never heard of the internet? "No," said his friend. "This is cool! Hey! How about giving us a better look?"

As I said, everyone is a perv here. 

I also think this is Neils way of showing how eeeeevul a society is that bans nudism.  Kim couldn't ignore them, but neither did she answer. She closed her eyes trying to pretend this was simply a terrible dream, but even so, she was powerless to hold back her tears. Brian, who was handcuffed to Kim's left side, shouted angrily, "Leave her alone!"

How powerful.  "Make me!" shouted the first boy. Then he glanced to his friend. "While he's gone, I'm going to finger her."

FUCK YOU NEIL  Kim recoiled, revolted at the thought, and at the same time realizing also that any incursion in that area would make it impossible for her to hold off peeing.

I hate this fic.  "No!" shouted Emily, who was shackled to Kim's other side. "Don't waste your time on her. I'll let you really have fun."

Oh how heroic of her, by acting so naturally like a girl her age should. Not. 

Also, my G-d is this creepy!  "What do you mean by that?" the boy asked, his interest piqued. "If you give me your word not to lay a hand on her," Emily said, "I'll spread my legs and crouch as low as I possibly can, and I'll let you touch me."

"Emily, you can't," Kim protested. "Yes I can," Emily persisted. "I got you into this. Besides, you know I can handle these circumstances better than you can. To me they're just body parts."

SHUT UP, EMILY, SHUT UP! 

I also hate how “this is not sexual” is constantly brought up in so rapey situations like these. The fact that they all are underage makes this worse.  "Cool!" the boy said eagerly. Fortunately, just as Emily started to squat down, the officer returned. The two boys and everyone else stepped back a few steps from the truck as he gave the horde an appalled look. "You people are just as bad as these brazen deviates! Go on about your business!"

Then why the hell did he want to “make an example”? Slowly, reluctantly the crowd began to disperse. "Your parents must be extremely proud of you," he said sarcastically, returning his attention to his young captives. "High on drugs, running around completely exposed, and having sex in public." "We don't do drugs, and we certainly weren't having sex," Caitlin protested. He turned in the direction of Caitlin, looking as if he were about to slap her surly face, but rejected giving into the desire. "I thought I said no talking! Now I suppose you're going to tell me you're not naked either?" he yelled. "Since you all seem to enjoy exposing yourselves, I believe I'll take the long way back to the station, through town."

“See how evil he is? He thinks they were having sex just because they are naked!”  Obviously, he expected a strong negative reaction to this comment, but everyone seemed to take it in stride with the exception of Kim. "Please Sir!" she begged. "I have to pee something awful. May I please relieve myself before we start the trip?" "You may not," he retorted maliciously. "I suggest that you hold it or you'll be facing additional charges." With that said, he returned to the cab of the truck and started the engine.

This doesnt make any sense!  As the truck bounced insensitively overland toward the main road, Emily gave Kim an anxious look. "How bad is it," she asked concernedly. "Bad," Kim answered. "I'm afraid I'm going to burst any minute and this incessant bouncing about isn't helping matters any." "Why don't you just let it out?" Emily suggested. "Squat down and relieve yourself before we reach the main road." "I can't," Kim responded in dismay. "Not here, not secured like this between you and Brian. I have no way on controlling where it goes; we could all wind up with pee on us."

I didnt need this image -_-  Emily, felt sorry for her best friend who was clearly suffering, but recognized that she was in no position to offer any real assistance. Hopefully, Kim would be better able to hack it once they were on a smooth roadway.

Come to think of it, why doesnt Caitlin just use her speshul hyperempath sue powers on the cop?

* * * * *

That was fun," Hermione remarked, as she and Harry returned to their stateroom. "The tropical forest was so beautiful."

So beautiful it didnt need a description.  "I liked that we finally all got to do something together," Harry added. "I've felt bad that Ron was always missing out on everything." "Ron seemed to appreciate that St. Kitts didn't allow nudity," Hermione agreed. "He must feel awfully out of place all the time. I've given up on the prospect that he'll ever feel comfortable enough to take his clothes off around us."

Cut for boring. 

Their conversation came to an abrupt halt when there was a loud knock at the door. "The captain needs to have a word with you right now," the messenger barked none too politely, when Harry unlock the door.

DUNN DUNN DUNNNNN

* * * * *

"What is with that cop? Is he mental?" Kim moaned, as she and the others waited unattended in a receiving cell, watching the hands of the clock move closer and closer to the scheduled departure time of their ship.

I think this is supposed to give tension. Or something.  They had broken the law; they all recognized that, but they couldn't fathom the manner in which they were now being treated. In the eyes of the law, they were guilty of indecent exposure for having hiked nude, but thus far their punishment seemed to be a prolongation of their crime, only to a much more serious degree.

This whole subplot is so stupid.  Now, still naked, they had spent the last hour in a dank jail cell - a completely bare cell without even a simple bench to sit on and certainly not equipped with a comfort facility.

Finally their evul cruel clothed tormentor returned, a perturbed expression on his face, carrying Emily's rucksack. He gave them a disgusted look as he forcefully shoved the pack through the bars. "Put your clothes on and be swift about it!" he shouted maliciously. "Your parents are here to pick you up." From the sound of his voice, it was lucid that he was not at all pleased with the judgment to let them go free. Probably because the judge found it ridicculous to force six naked teenagers to be overexposed (see what I did there?) in public. No one spoke, but instead they all rushed to dress before psycho-cop I did not change anything, Neil really wrote psycho-cop here. Yeah.  changed his mind. As soon as they were all clothed, he unlocked the cell and pointed reluctantly to a door. Without pause, they all rushed to it, Kim in agony in pink with each step. "Hurry!" shouted Brian's father to them all. "We have transportation waiting. They said they'd hold the ship for us, but I don't know how long."

THE TENSION IS KILLING ME  Hermione grabbed Emily and Caitlin's hands and hurried them out the door behind Jeff and his brother. Kim stood paralyzed, as if afraid to move.

Oh no, it´s coming.... "We have to dash," Harry said, running to Kim and scooping her up into his arms as if she were a doll. "Don't be afraid," Harry said as he hurried out the door. "Everything is okay now. Hermione and I aren't angry with you. We know this wasn't your idea." Before she had a chance to try and squirm free or even speak, she lost control of her bladder.

I HATE THIS FIC. 

It doesnt help how blatantly this was foreshadowed last chapter when Kim drank BEVERAGES, and how much Neil wanted us to remember this.  At first Harry had absolutely no idea what had happened. It was as if someone had opened a spigot and he was being flooded with warm water. Then Kim burst into tears.

As usual. 

I´ll let the following unsporked: "Oh my god!" she cried. "I'm so sorry professor. I've had to go for hours and he wouldn't let me use... I can't believe... Oh, I could just die..." "Calm down," Harry said, as usual maintaining his equanimity. "I'm just glad to know that it wasn't just me that caused such a reaction." In spite of everything, Kim couldn't help but laugh through her tears. "Ben did the same thing to me yesterday," Harry said with a laugh. "Just hold on to me tight until it's all out." Harry turned his back to the balance of the group that were now getting into cabs, as the torrent of warm liquid continued to stream out of Kim. "Harry, what are you and Kim doing?" Hermione shouted. "We have to hurry." "Just give us a moment," Harry begged. "We have some unfinished business." Finally, when the flow eventually subsided, Harry allowed Kim to slip to the ground. He waved his hands over Kim as he spoke an enchantment and then did the same to himself. Kim watched her professor in awe. She knew he was a great wizard but did not realize he was proficient in wandless magic.

This is the first we ever see him do it - if I remember correctly - and he is doing it in a scene like THIS. 

"That should do it," Harry said, grabbing Kim hand and running toward the cab. "We better hurry before they leave without us." Harry jumped into the front seat next to the driver and Kim slid into the back with Brian and his father. As Kim settled herself next to Brian, he sniffed the air and then turned to her. "How in the world can you spend the day hiking in a tropical forest, then going through what we just went through and still smell as fresh and clean as if you just stepped out of a shower?" Brian asked.

Uuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhh fooorreeeeshaaadooowing  "I don't know," Kim said, as she shrugged her shoulders and smiled at Harry who had turned around in his seat and was now grinning at her.

I´m pretty sure this won´t be relevant later, trust me! 

* * * * *

"Don't you guys have any common sense?!" Jamie asked Emily, Caitlin and Kim once they returned to their rooms. Harry and Hermione had been asked, along with the parents of the other youths involved, to join the captain. "This isn't Britain. These people could have chucked you in jail and thrown away the key. What would you have had Harry and Hermione do then - magic you out?"

Well, they are witches, so probably yes - especially considering how powerful Caitlin is, despite how often this gets forgotten.  "I never thought we'd be arrested," Emily said. "That's the problem with you! YOU! NEVER! THINK! Sometimes I'm embarrassed to admit that you're my sister," Jamie said, frustration evident in her voice.

This is one of the very few times where Jamie Sue actually speaks common sense.  "Emily wasn't the only one," Caitlin said defensively. "We all did it." "Then you should all be very proud of yourselves!" she roared. "Because of you, the departure of the ship was delayed for over an hour and, once again, Harry finds himself groveling at the feet of that effing captain."

Why don´t they just use magic? "It wasn't our fault the owls chose now to deliver the letters from Hogwarts," Emily argued. "No that wasn't," Jamie admitted, "but what happened today was most certainly within your power to prevent. Laws are laws and they must be obeyed whether we like them or not. I detest clothes as greatly as you, but there are times when we have no choice but to wear them." "But that isn't fair," Emily protested. " LIFE ISN'T ALWAYS FAIR, AND THE WORLD DOESN'T REVOLVE AROUND YOU!" Jamie retorted. "The sooner you find that out, the better off we'll all be."

Emily sulked as she tried to think of a way to change the subject. "So what did you and Felicite do today while we were getting ourselves arrested?" she asked.

Waaaay to change the subject.  "We spent most of the day at the hospital with her sister, Monica," Jamie answered still rather hotly, but she was beginning to cool down.. "Why? What happened to her?" Kim, who had been sitting quietly, asked. "She has a broken ankle," Jamie answered in disappointment. "But she was going to dance in the ship's talent competition," Caitlin shrieked. "How did she go about breaking her ankle?" "She didn't," Jamie replied, anger evident in her voice. "She was laying on the beach and had actually just dozed off, when a girl playing Frisbee stepped on her ankle and then ran off." "Hold on," Emily cried, as tears of blood ran down her pale face. "Haven't I heard this story before?" "Yeah." Caitlin agreed. "That's how Roz's friends tried to knock Felicite out of the competition last year. That's just too much of a coincidence." "Felicite and I agree," Jamie said, "especially considering that the girl doing the stepping seems to roughly fit Roz's description."

Of course.  "What are Monica parents going to do about it? Roz can't be allowed to get away with this!" Emily declared. "Unfortunately there were no witnesses, and Monica never got a good look at the girl's face," Jamie said disgustedly. "She was in dreadful pain." "It had to have been Roz," Caitlin said shaking her head. "She's eliminating the strongest competition so that her niece has a better chance of winning. If only I had been there, perhaps I could have healed it."

What a lazy way to prevent Caitlin from using her powers.  "Too late for that now," Jamie said shrugging her shoulders. "Perhaps it's best you weren't there. We've drawn too much attention to ourselves already on this cruise." "I thought she was different," Kim said downheartedly. "It was my idea for us to befriend Angel. She is just like Roz - cheating so she can win a stupid contest and not caring who she hurts in the process."

As you can see, this is building up for a massive *~* Misunderstanding *~*  "Sad part is that it will probably work," Jamie said disgustingly. "I've seen the tryouts, and the only real competition Angel had was Monica." Cut for boring. They talk Kim into performing at the contest. 

"I don't think I've ever met such a miserable man," Hermione said, as she and Harry discussed their meeting with the captain. "He makes Captain Blye seem like a pussy cat." "I think I'd prefer to be keel hauled rather than meet with him again," Harry said wincingly.

The saviors of wizardkind, everyone.  "There for a while, I thought he was going to have us all walk the plank," Hermione laughed. "He wanted to throw us off the ship. I could see it in his eyes," Harry said. "But he would have had to do it to all the families involved, and I doubt he could have justified that to his superiors."

Again: Why not using magic? "I understand him being upset, but even he admitted that the lost time could be made up," Hermione said. "I'm just thankful that the St. Kitts' judge was understanding. If it had been up to that perverted cop, the kids would be doing time."

Of course. 

But again, what exactly stopped Caitlin from hyperempathising the cop like she did with that gang of rapists in Florida? "What about the girls?" Harry asked. "We can't just ignore this." "I have an idea," Hermione suggested. "It will cost us a little money, but I think it will be well worth it to make the punishment fit the crime."

Uuuhhh...what cruel punishment could fall on the Sues?

* * * * *

Day Six, Saturday, August 13, 2005, Barbados ...and passengers are reminded again that public nudity is against the law in Barbados."

Oh the horror!  "I don't know about you guys," Emily declared, "but I don't think I'm even going to bother leaving the ship today; it's not worth the aggravation." "Sometimes you make me laugh," Kim said. "Why do you make such a big deal about wearing a swim costume, especially when yours is practically nonexistent?" "It's just the principle," Emily stated. "I'm still being forced to wear it."

As you see, the punishment is that they are forced to wear swimwear!  "I wonder if Bonnie is going ashore today?" Kim questioned. "I'd like to ask her about helping me with a routine." "In that case, we should find the recreation director and see if you can still get in the contest. Then I suggest we head for the pool," Caitlin said. "Professor Weasley and Bonnie spend most of their time there playing chess."

* * * * *

Cut for boring. 

Bonnie agrees to help Kim, while ogling her. 

"What do you think Mum and Dad want to see us about?" Emily asked. "I'm sure it has something to do with yesterday's fiasco," Caitlin answered. "They probably want to insure that there isn't a similar occurrence today." "I'm amazed they didn't punish us; at least shout at us," Kim remarked.

Way to tempt fate.  "They seldom yell, but they do have a knack of making you feel really bad; like you let them down big time," When the hell did they ever do that? Especially to Caitlin? Caitlin explained. "We should have never hiked nude." "I still don't see that we did anything so dreadful," Emily grumbled. "Everything would have been fine if that cop hadn't 'gone off the deep end' with us. It was outlandish the way he paraded us around, not even letting you take a pee." She looked intently at Kim. "How in the world did you manage to hold it so long? Emily asked. "Why you didn't even sprint to the bathroom when we got back to the ship. You must have the strongest bladder in the world." "Not quite," Kim responded, a ruby glow covering her face, but she didn't comment any further. "Oh look! Here come your parents. It looks like they've been shopping."

See? Harry and Hermione both had a devilish look on their face as they approached the girls. Hermione was holding Benjamin, who appeared to be snacking on the run.

More breast fixation, because of course.  "We wanted to talk to you girls before you went ashore today," Hermione started, continuing to feed Ben. "Don't worry Mum," Emily interrupted. "We learned our lesson yesterday. Kim has rehearsal with Bonnie this afternoon, so we're just going to go have a quick look-see, but we'll be wearing our swim costumes." Emily had been clutching hers in her hand and held it up. "You most certainly will," Harry said, "but not that one. Your mother and I decided to buy all of you new swim costumes to be worn ashore for the balance of the trip."

DUNN DUNN DUNNNNNNNNN

"But Antigua and St. Maarten allow nudity," Caitlin said timidly. "This is your punishment for what occurred yesterday," Hermione said. "If you wear these today and tomorrow without argument, Harry and I will reconsider allowing you to go nude on St. Maarten on Monday." As Hermione handed the identical swimsuits to the girls, they were acknowledged by three completely different reactions. From Caitlin's expression, it was evident that she didn't like the costume, but was willing to accept it as her punishment. Kim seemed to like the attire and was thrilled that they were all the same. Then there was Emily.

Clothes, oh the horror! 

Cut for boring. The girls return to the ship, and Kim says this, indicating her assimilation:

"You know what I've found to be most extraordinary?" Kim asked, but then went on without waiting for an answer. "It seems that people watch you more when you're wearing a costume than when your not. It's like they are waiting, hoping to see something they're not supposed to see. When you're naked they certainly check you out more thoroughly, but then they seem to go about their business realizing that they've seen all there is to see." Cut for a boring scene with Samantha and Jim. 

"Harry, am I a sex fanatic?" Hermione asked as they lay sunning near the pool, Ben sleeping contently next to her in his basinet.

Yes, given how sex obsessed everyone is here.  "Not that I can tell," he said, "but I'd have no complaints if you turned into one. That's assuming, of course, that I'd be the object of your lust. What exactly brought about this topic of conversation?" "I was just laying here looking at you, and I suddenly had the strongest urge to take you in my mouth and pleasure you here and now in full view of all these people."

Who talks like that? "Damn you, Hermione Jane," Harry cursed as he quickly rolled over onto his stomach. "You know full well that you'd never do any such thing in public. The only reason you said that was to see if it would cause a reaction. Are you happy?"

No.  "I'd be happier if you hadn't rolled over and hid," she confessed. "You know I love seeing you naked and hard."

-____- "Will you kindly change the subject?

Thank you.  "Okay, I think Kim has a school girl crush on you," Hermione said. "Kim? I hardly think so," Harry said lightly. "She might think of me as a father figure, since her real step dad was horrible, but nothing more."

The closest we ever kind of see of that is the last peeing scene. Otherwise we never see anything alluding to that. 

With that said, the whole thing seems then even more creepy.  "She was certainly holding on to you tightly enough the other night," Hermione said. "Now that you mention it, I guess one could say that she was showering me with her affection." Harry laughed. "Hermione, Kim hadn't peed all day. The poor girl was about to burst. When I lifted her into my arms to hasten for the cab, she lost all control. I stood there holding her, trying to hide the fact that she was inundating me with what seemed like a gallon of pee." "Oh my! The poor thing must have been mortified, and you..." Hermione just stared at Harry lovingly. "You just continued to hold her and then did a cleansing charm on you both. You had no intentions of telling me, did you?"

Why would he? Harry shook his head. "I'm sorry for prying it out of you." Hermione thought a bit and then chuckled. "Since the two of you have been intimate enough to share a shower, has she told you what her talent will be in the contest?" "No," Harry laughed. "That seems to be a well protected secret. Even Ron declined to tell me what's going on. All I know is that she is doing a combination song and dance." "Kim is extremely fortunate that a professional dancer is willing to take time away from her vacation to lend her a hand."

Why does this sound so wrong?

Cut for boring.

It ends with this:

"I'm having the same feelings," Hermione said, sorrowfully. "Emily and Caitlin are both becoming young women. I'm proud of them both, but I wish I could have shared more of their little girl years." "Me too!" Harry agreed desolately.

This sounds so creepy. 

Meanwhile, Ron is having a erection problem, and Sam doesnt now how to fix it. Then Jamie Sue shows up and decides to help them. 

"Look, I know this is none of my business," Jamie said swimming up to them, "but it's apparent you guys have a problem. May I help?" "I'm not sure what you can do to help," Sam said. "I talked Ron into getting in here and now we seem to be trapped." "How strong are you Professor?" Jamie asked. "Do you think you could carry both Sam and me at the same time?"

This sounds so wrong -__-  "That is probably the only benefit to being a werewolf," Ron whispered nervously. "We have incredible strength. But I don't see how my physical prowess will help in this situation." "My dad had a bad habit of getting aroused at the most inopportune time," Jamie explained. This must be running in the family. "Mum and I, or if Mum wasn't around, Emily and I would often shield him -__-  until he could get out of view. When it was Emily, and I we pretended to be fooling around. Emily would hang on his back and he would carry me against his front. To anyone that was watching it looked like he was carrying me off and Emily was trying to stop him."

This sounds so creepy :S  Sam looked at Jamie and then at Ron. "What do you think Ron? Could you do it? We'll pretend to fool around, and then you can grab me in your arms and carry me off right up the pool steps and down that empty passageway." She pointed to a passageway beyond the steps. "Jamie will hang on your back covering your rear. Once were out of eye sight, Jamie can run back for the towels." "I don't know," said Ron reluctantly, as he watched some more people occupy chairs around the pool. "I don't have any better ideas and if we don't do something soon, I'll be stuck here all day." "Just one thing," Jamie added. "I'm sure we'd all be more comfortable doing this the way Sam described, but since I've got some experience with this, it might be better if I cover the front." Ron looked around. Even more people were arriving, and now some were starting to enter the pool. "I... I... Sam she's done this before. I just want to get out of here," he said, now definitely in a panic. "Okay," Jamie said. "Don't waste time. I'm going to scream and splash you. Immediately pick me up, but don't hold me in your arms. That won't hide enough. Pick me up by my bottom and hold me tightly against you."

Jamie didn't give either Sam or Ron a chance to argue. She stood directly in front of Ron and gave a fake scream as she began to splash him with water. Almost forgetting either of them was nude, Ron reached his arms around Jamie, and lifted her off the bottom of the pool. "Don't think about anything," Jamie encouraged Ron, as she pretended to still horseplay and Sam leaped onto his back. "Just head for those steps." As they neared the steps, Jamie realized that Ron wasn't holding her tight enough, his erect penis would be clearly visible when they got above the water line. Without wavering, she grabbed it, forced it upward between their stomachs and then wrapped hers arms tightly around Ron to hold it in place.

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK  No one said a word until they reached the shelter of the passageway. By that point, Ron's concentration on keeping up the charade caused him to return to a flaccid state. "I'll run back for the towels," Sam said. "I believe it's safe to put me down now," Jamie said with a smile. "Sorry about grabbing you, but it was somewhat on display."

I hate this fic.  "You weren't uncomfortable doing that at all, were you." Ron said more as a statement than a question. He was obviously embarrassed that she had to grab that part of his anatomy. "No, not really," Jamie said coolly as Sam ran up to them and handed Ron his towel. "It's difficult to explain, but Emily and I were brought up in an atmosphere totally alien to most people. What do you think of first when I say naked or nude? Please be honest."

.....here we go again. Ron turned pink and after some dithering said, "Sex." "Don't be embarrassed; that's what most people would answer. Our society has come to equate nudity with sex. Emily and I would have both answered 'comfort'. It's the same if you mention penis or vagina. Most people immediately think of sex, despite the fact that people urinate a lot more from those areas than they have sex with them. Professor, until you can purge sex from your definition of nudity, I doubt you'll ever be able to enjoy the naturist lifestyle. You must be completely assimilated!” Jamie checked her watch. "I have to go meet my friends; enjoy St. Maarten." Ron watched until Jamie turned the corner and then turned to Sam. "They should have her teaching sex education, not me."

And in a few chapters, she says she barely knows about bodily functions. This makes no sense. Again.  "I'm sure the boys would like that; she'd most likely teach the class in the nude," Sam said. "On second thought they might not like it; she'd doubtlessly require the students be naked, as well." "I think she nailed my problem though," Ron said, a look of self-disgust on his face. "I can't think of nudity without thinking of sex."

I´ll already say this: There is going to be like an entire chapter about such a class, and it goes nowhere.  End of Chapter Five

Sorry no cliff this time, but so as to not completely disappoint you; I've included a teaser from chapter 6.

The teaser is nothing special. 

As I was writing the last chapters of Hogwarts Too Exposed, I couldn't wait to write about the cruise; now I can't wait for it to be over and get back to Hogwarts. For those of you that feel similar, I have good news. We will be returning to the all-magical village of Hogsmeade by the conclusion of chapter six.

Yeah, but till we get to that point, we still have way too much filler of the cruise. The fact that the first 6 chapters are nothing but filler speaks for itself.