Just something, there´s not really something special here, I think. 31, half german half danish/norwegian living in Copenhagen. Jewish (by choice). Loves reading, painting, reviewing movies...(and bad fanfiction)
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ES IST KUNST ES IST KUNST

Took a pic of the sunrise out my office window and the interior lights made some cool reflections
#art#photography#landscape#lights#lighting#sky#sunset#kunst#yoro#you onry rive once#Dämmerung#Horizont
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Very profound and intellectual discourse


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It started on her first day at Hogwarts as a teacher. And no matter how much she told her, Madam Hooch wouldn’t acknowledge Hermione’s feelings. On every opportunity that presented itself, Hooch insisted that she could pleasure Hermione better that any man alive.
One evening during her first year as a teacher Hermione had retired early to her quarters. She had slipped off all her clothing and was preparing to take a shower after which she was going to read for a few hours, but then realized the book she was currently reading wasn’t on the nightstand.
Thinking back she could remember having it last in her classroom. She quickly slipped on her robes; not bothering to dress underneath because she knew all the students would be in their dormitories by this time.
Hermione rushed through the empty hallways to her classroom. After giving the password and opening the door, she quickly retrieved the book. As she turned to proceed back to her quarters after locking the door she nearly walked right into Madam Hooch. “Oh! Excuse me.” Hermione said. “I didn’t see you standing there.”
The older woman immediately began pleading. “Hermione, please! Please give me a chance to show you how much I love you. Please! Just spend one night with me. No one will know. I’ll do anything that you ask. If you still want to go back to” them” afterwards I won’t bother you ever again, but please at least give me one chance!” Madam Hooch actually had tears in her eyes.
Hermione looked into the woman’s desperation strained face. She recognized that look.
For the briefest moment both women froze, one in fear and embarrassment and the other in awe of the beauty that she now beheld. Hermione felt like a deer caught in the glare of an on coming car as the other woman lunged at her, throwing her arms around the young girls body while inserting her head between Hermione breasts. As Hermione struggled to free herself the older woman struggled to find a nipple and take it in her mouth.
Hermione was stronger and Hooch began to loose her grip on her. The older woman fell to her knees regaining a hold on Hermione’s arse, but as she had fallen to her knees the woman had bitten Hermione nipple extremely hard in an effort to not lose her hold. Hermione screamed in pain. Hooch released the breast and allowed her head to slide to Hermione’s private region at the same time sinking her hands deep between Hermione cheeks in order to not lose her grasp on the struggling girl.
The young girl twisted and turned as the older woman attempted to show her how she could be ‘loved’. Finally Hermione lifted her knee catching the older woman under the jaw with enough force to cause her to lose her hold. She turned to run as the older woman lunged for the hem of her robes. Hermione struggled to run for a few meters while dragging the other woman, but in desperation finally reached her arms back and allowed the robes to slip from her shoulders.
Hermione was free, but completely naked. She ran down the corridor as fast as her legs would allow, tears streaming down her face. “What if someone sees me? Two months as a professor and I’m streaking the halls of Hogwarts. Please God help me. What have I ever done to deserve this? Please let me make it to the faculty area, please.”
Finally after what seemed like hours but in actuality was only a few minutes she reached the staircase to the faculty area. “ The portrait, I’ve made it.” Hermione gave the password and was in the staircase that leads to the faculty quarters. “Almost there,” she said with relief as she ran down the last hall and turned the corner to her room only to stumble over Severus Snape who had leaned over to pick something up off the floor.
( xD xD xD )
#bad fanfiction#Hogwarts Exposed#Neil#Madam Hooch#Hermione Granger#Snape#Severus Snape#Mary Sue#Mary Sues#Jamie Zacherley#Caitlin Garrison#shock#shock value
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The colorful cinematography of Shin Sang-oks “Seong Chunhyang” (1961).
He and Choi Eun-hee would later remake this movie as Love, Love my Love” (사랑사랑내사랑, 1984) in North Korea.
#Shin Sang-ok#Choi Eun-hee#South Korean cinema#North Korean cinema#technicolor#art#kunst#cinema as art
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Choi Eun-hee in “Seong Chunhyang” (1961), 17 years before she was abducted by Kim Jong-il in Hong Kong.
#Choi Eun-hee#Seong Chunhyang#Chunhyang#The Tale of Chunhyang#Korean cinema#South Korean cinema#Shin Sang-ok
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Hogwarts Overexposed Chapter 16: The Spider's Web
Well, let´s return to the spork, shall we?
I hope to finish this one in one post.
When we last left off, Nora jumped off the platform, panicking mid air, leading to most of her team to chicken out and to run away, thus leading to her to hit the ground, not moving.
And for once, the chapter actually starts right where the previous chapters cliffhanger ended.
At first no one stirred, then as one everybody seemed to rush toward Nora's motionless body. "Don't touch her!" Harry shouted, his voice filled with trepidation. "She may have broken her neck." He jumped to the ground and hurried to Nora's side. "Caitlin, are you able to diagnose her with your Sue powers just simple contact, without moving her?" "I'm sure I can," Caitlin said confidently.
Of course she can. "Jamie, will you and the team help me make a circle around them and keep everyone else back?" Harry asked. "And please try to block those photographers from getting any more pictures of her."
Why the fuck are there photographers present at a practice session? Caitlin got down on her knees next to Nora and gently I feel like Neil really loves using that word placed a hand on each of the older girl's arms. Within seconds they were as one. AAAAAALWAAAAAAAYS I WANNA BEEEEE WITH YOU AND MAKE BELIEEEEVE WITH YOU AND LIVE IN HARMONY HARMONY OH LOOOOOVE Then as rapidly as she had gone into a trance, it ended and Caitlin smiled. "Just a broken shoulder and minor concussion," she said with a grin.
Why is she grinning about it? "Can you put it right?" Harry asked. "It's already mended," Caitlin said. DUH "She won't even know that it was broken. I'll bring her around as soon as I make her more respectable." Caitlin hesitantly adjusted Nora's costume so that both her breasts were once again covered, and then prodded the girl lightly until she opened her eyes. "What happened?" Nora asked, looking around anxiously. "You gave us a fright," Caitlin answered, "but you're fine now." "My breasts!" Nora cried, looking down at her chest. "I felt them burst out of the costume. Did people see them?"
What do you think, Nora? Caitlin didn't lie. "I tucked you back together. Nora, it's not that big a deal. I spent most of the summer totally nude. What's important is that you're okay."
Caitlin, only because you feel comfortable being nude due to being in a naturist cult, doesnt mean that everyone else feels the same way. Nora looked questioningly at Caitlin who was still holding her hand. "You do realize that I can actually see you as you really are? A Mary Sue!" she asked. "I'm sorry," Caitlin said, letting go of Nora's hand. "I didn't mean to embarrass you." "It didn't make me uncomfortable to see you nude; I'd only be distressed if you saw me that way," Nora explained.
As if this would change anything for Caitlin. Caitlin shrugged her shoulders. "There was a time I felt like that," Caitlin said, but before she could elaborate, they were besieged by well-wishers.
* * * * *
Cut for a boring scene of Matt simping for Caitlin.
Rishard Simone walked down the main street past Zonko's Joke Shop, past the post office and turned up a side street. Finally at the top of the hill he reached his destination, a small inn called the Hog's Head. He had been here before and hated the filthy atmosphere of the dirty pub. Rishard would much rather imbibe in the warmth and cleanliness of The Three Broomsticks, but Eric had suggested the Hog's Head. Eric was Rishard's only contact with his backers. Eric spoke for them and Rishard knew better than to question their orders.
Oh well, this really does sound all dramatic. Rishard felt like he was entering a stable rather than a bar. The floor was filthy and the room smelled strongly of something quite like goats. He gave the bartender his order and then slowly approached the corner table where Eric was seated. "Sit down," Eric ordered. "The situation isn't as dire straights as we originally thought. Actually the instant ratings were quite good considering that it was only a practice session."
Why are practice sessions broadcast anyway? "I don't understand," Richard LOL, I love how Neil spelled Rishards ultra speshul name in a normal way xD said, looking cynically at the drink the bartender had just placed before him. He wasn't at all sure he wanted to rest his lips against the grubby glass. "There was minimal nudity today. I expected the viewers to turn us out."
Underage nudity is usually frowned upon by the vast majority of normal people -_- "We underestimated the female viewers' love of angst," Eric replied. "There was just enough tit and arse -_- to keep the males watching, but that near fatal fall grabbed the interest of the women. That Caitlin Potter girl is an instant superstar. The viewers want to see more of her in action."
This is all just so ridicculous. Rishard gave Eric a very confused look. "I don't understand," he said. "Our concentration has always been on 'accidental' exposure, has that changed?" "No! The public will never get tired of seeing a pair of attractive bare tits," Even when they´re mostly underage? Eric assured Rishard. "Plus, there are those that always get a thrill over a glimpse of an exposed snatch or dick. I love how they talk so openly about things like this in a bar But we've been overlooking a large segment of our audience. Our viewers want to see these kids in real danger. They want to see them actually get hurt, maybe even occasionally one or two killed."
Like I said, he´s saying this out loud in a bar where everyone could hear it.
This is just as ridicculous like in the first fic where Emma Wrong and Damien talked so openly about the Great Ones evil plan at Harry and Hermiones wedding. "You can't be serious," Rishard said. "It was one thing for you to ask me to put the competitors in erotic costumes, having their privates publicly exposed doesn't physically hurt them. But do you actually expect me to rig the contests so that there is a good chance of someone actually being hurt?"
Rishard, what did he just say? "Only if you want to continue living in the luxurious life style to which you have become accustomed," Eric warned. "You're quirky, Rishard, but I like you. I'd hate to see you just disappear." Rishard stared nervously at Eric. He was aware that he'd been given his one and only warning. "What do you want me to do?" he asked fearfully. "Surprise me," Eric answered. "Just make sure it's good, or else."
* * * * *
Cut for yet another boring scene of the creepy Caitlin-Evan plot. I don´t care.
And then theres another cut for a scene where Draco tells Ginny that Nott told him it could take months before he actually gets to meet Salazar Slytherin.
Aaaaaaand we get yet another boring scene with Matt and Evan, who tells Evan to stay away from Caitlin and then beats him up.
Seriously, this character assasination of Matt is one of the weirdest things Neil has pulled off, no idea why he once the Sues were back from being captives of Emma Wrong (who as I mentioned earlier never gets mentioned again for the remainder of the series) decided to demonise Matt.
Then again, before his character assasination, the only personality he had was being one of Caitlins simps. What happened to Caitlins other simp, Randy, anyway?
We now cut to Harry and Hermione angsting: "Do you really think it will be that bad?" Hermione asked. "It's not nearly as headline generating as killing Voldemort." "Mark my word," Harry declared. "The Daily Prophet and the wizarding world thrive on sensationalism and they've been through an extended period of drought. A Hyperempath with powers such as Caitlin is only born every few hundred years. How convenient and truly astounishing for a Mary Sue like Caitlin. The story will make headlines. Fortunately we live at Hogwarts or we'd have reporters camped out on our doorstep." "If it isn't one thing, it's something else," Hermione said with a sigh. "What they should be reporting is the return of Salazar Slytherin."
Hermione, you´re in Hogwarts Exposed. Anything that might be a interesting plot will be sidelined for talks about naturism or soap opera scenarios. "I'm wondering just how much longer Percy will be able to cover up all the signs. Even someone as arrogant as him has to wake up to reality sooner or later," Harry said. "That would require him to admit that he was wrong," Hermione replied. "Percy, as you well know, has a serious problem doing that." "But even Fudge eventually admitted that Voldemort was back," Harry pointed out. "Only when he saw Voldemort with his own eyes. Somehow, I don't even think that would sway Percy," Hermione said. "He is even worse than Fudge when it comes to being power hungry and loving being Minister of Magic. If it weren't for the red hair, I'd think he was switched at birth. He is nothing like the other Weasley boys."
I don´t remember Percy having more appearances after his last appearance for the rest of the series, but I wouldnt be surprised if Neil would have made Percy submit to Salazar at some point.
* * * * *
Cut for another scene with Caitlin and Evan that ends with them sleeping in bed together, in a way Neil calls "innocent".
Thursday, November 24, 2005
"What's going on?" Emily asked. "Why the decorations and the feast? Has someone declared a new holiday?"
"It's Thanksgiving," Kim said. "It's an American holiday. I imagine that we're celebrating it because of our guests."
Why else, Kim?
"The more holidays, the better," Emily said, filling her plate. "I love roast turkey and cranberry sauce."
"You do appreciate that there is more significance to holidays than food, don't you?" Kim asked brusquely.
Kim, you´re talking to Emily. What do you expect?
"I'm sure that you're about to acquaint me with the unabridged history of Thanksgiving," Emily said, a frown on her face. Have I already mentioned how much I hate her? "I just hope you don't mind if I eat while you talk; this food is too delicious to let get cool."
"I don't know where you put it all," Kim said, seemingly impressed. "If I ate as much as you do, I'd be as big as a house. You, on the other hand, never seem to gain an ounce, except where it counts."
You may now ask, where is "where it counts"?
"Then it's not just my imagination," Emily said elatedly, her face displaying a rare blush.
"No, they've grown significantly since this summer," Kim confirmed. "It's quite evident, especially when you wear tighter fitting clothes. You'd unquestionably be accused of stuffing your bra, except everybody knows you never wear one."
FUCK YOU NEIL.
And yes, you read that right - no matter what weight Emily gains, it goes just straight to her boobs.
She´s around 12.
"I hope my dress for the Yule Ball still fits," Emily said apprehensively. "Roger told me to measure myself very precisely. I didn't allow at all for any growth."
Snape got to his feet and a sudden silence fell over the hall. "Excellent feast, isn't it?" he asked. Just when you thought Exposed!Snape couldnt get any more out of character.... The students responded with applause. "I think I'll need to check whether there are any other American holidays we can celebrate."
Not really. "There is an announcement I wanted to make before anyone left the hall, although you'll be making a great mistake if you do so before enjoying dessert. I saw some delicious looking pumpkin pies in the kitchen earlier today. The OOC-ness is killing me! Anyway, back to business." Snape cleared his throat. "Mr. Simone has asked me to announce that the first event of the competition will take place this Saturday at noon. Teams should assemble in the Quidditch lockers rooms How many betas were there again? at eleven." Everyone stared at Snape waiting for more information, but he appeared finished with his announcement. "I'm sorry," he said, "I'm not allowed to divulge any further information except that the event is referred to as the Spider's Web. Enjoy your dessert."
This is just so dumb. But I repeat myself at this point. As Snape sat down, the students looked questioningly at one another. Then it seemed everyone started talking at once.
Well that was pointless.
Oh, and I will leave a lot of the following section unsporked, as its too stupid to believe:
Saturday, November 26, 2005 The morning was very sunny, although quite cold. Well, it´s late November... The Great Hall was full of the delicious aroma of bacon and eggs eww and the excited babble of everyone looking forward to the first task. Cut for Jamie and Caitlin talking about eating something.
"You should both try to eat something," Alex said encouragingly. "You're going to need your strength for whatever lies ahead of you." "I don't want the smell of food on my breath," Caitlin said nervously. "It might attract the spiders."
Oh well, I wonder if this is foreshadowing the big thing from the next chapter.... "Just because the event is called 'the spiders web' doesn't mean that there are any actual spiders involved," Alex said, hopefully.
Seriously, Alex? "I wish I shared your optimism," Jamie replied. By eleven o'clock the whole school was packed in the stands around the Quidditch pitch along with thousands of other spectators. Camera crews from the WBS (Wizard Broadcasting System) My G-d is this stupid! were poised, ready to send live coverage throughout the wizarding world.
I wonder if it also involves the previously mentioned Wizard Net. Meanwhile in the locker room, Kim and the rest of the Hogwarts team paced the room nervously. "Everyone is here and healthy," Nora declared. "That means that the subs in all probability won't be needed."
Way to temp fate, Nora. "Not necessarily," Lee said. "Depending on the rules of this event, you or I might be required to enter the contest if one of the starters can't continue to compete."
Shouldnt Nora know this already?
Most of the others mumbled their agreement. Nora fretfully chewed on her fingernails, and then burst into tears. Just like every other time the plot thickens. "My Mum and Dad are in the stands and all our friends and family are watching. I can't have myself Overexposed to the world; it's humiliating enough to be forced to appear in this degrading costume."
I´m still baffled that this is the main conflict in this fic. Nora looked at Jamie, desperation unmistakable in her eyes. "Please, will you do the concealment charm on me?"
And thus, Noras assimilation into Jamies Naturism cult has started. "Certainly," Jaime agreed. "I think you're making the correct decision. Now you understand that you'll actually be taking off the uniform after the charm is complete. To anyone that doesn't touch you, you'll appear to still have it on, but you'll actually be totally nude."
I lost count how many times the rules of that spell has been repeated over and over again so far. Nora nodded her head nervously. "The important thing is that I won't be exposed to the whole wizarding world."
Or even be Overexposed, am I right? "You'll be fine!" Jamie said reassuringly. "You'll see yourself as you really are, but to everyone else it will look like you still have the costume on. Just be sure you're alone or put something on before you cancel the charm."
I love how she is not telling her about the risk of someone saying a charm in her present that cancels the charm. "Now comes the hard part," Jamie said, giving Nora an encouraging smile. "You must undress and have faith that the charm is concealing you." "Is there any way I can be sure it's working?" Nora asked. "No," Then what´s the point? Jamie answered. "Your own eyes won't be fooled by the charm, neither will mirrors. You have to trust others to tell you truthfully that you appear dressed."
Oh, the conflict, the drama! Nora's hands trembled as she started to remove the costume. "You'll stop me if something has gone awry?" Nora closed her eyes as she fretfully removed the decadent piece of clothing. "Trust me Nora, and don't panic," Jamie said calmly. "To everyone in this room you appear to still have your competition uniform on, but when you look down at yourself, you're going to see a naked girl."
I hate this fic. Nora gasped as she surveyed her body. She couldn't believe that she was standing in a group of mixed company completely nude. "This is so weird," she said anxiously.
With that said...why are all the competitors of the team in ONE locker room, and not in a segregated one? "It takes some getting used to," Jamie agreed. "That's the signal," Jeff called. "They're ready for us."
What signal? As they left the locker room, they were met by the American contingent and both teams marched out toward the Quidditch pitch. "Here come our contenders," Rishard Simone announced in his magically Just in case you forgot this is a Harry Potter fic! magnified voice. The crowd burst into cheers as the two teams entered the pitch and then lined up on either side of Rishard.
In the middle of the pitch were two identical structures separated by about fifty feet. The buildings could best be described as looking like two very large garages, minus both their rollup doors and roofs.
How is this visible to the crowd?
"This game is called the spider's web," Rishard announced. "Since both teams are at their full strength, I think we'll allow the alternates to play as well."
Of course!
Rishard made this sound like he was playing Santa Claus by giving out special treats, but Nora didn't look at all pleased.
"We have to participate too?" she moaned quietly, seemingly horrified at the prospect. "I thought we'd only take part in the events if one of the regulars were sick."
"Now, then," Rishard continued. "The rules are rather straightforward. Once the teams have entered the corrals, the entrances will each be covered with a web. The web itself is about ten feet across and six feet high. . There is no way around the web; the only way out of the enclosure is through it.
"The web will be a classic spider's web with large holes on the sides and spiraling smaller toward the center. How else is a spiders web supposed to look like? Each person on the team must pass through a hole of the web. The challenge is the order of the people going though, as well as not touching the web while being passed though. If the web is touched, that section will close up and the player will be trapped. They will then need to be pulled free and try a different hole; pushing them forward is not an option. How is that supposed to work then? Trying to force a person through a sealed hole will only cause more holes to give way.
"A person also cannot be thrown through a hole. This will merely make the web shake and more holes collapse. Also, if a person puts a hand or any other body part through a hole and pulls it back the hole will close. As each hole collapses, there are less and less holes to go though. If you start running out of holes large enough for a person to pass though, two people can be passed through the same hole as long as they hold hands during the entire procedure. Both teams must get all their members through. Points will be awarded to the winning team based on the difference in time needed to complete the task."
Wow, this all sounds so....stupid.
"We're going to have to think this out carefully before we start," Jamie said to the group in general. "We'll have to figure out who should go first and last and in what order we should use the holes."
"Typical Zacherley philosophy," Dick Bancroft barked. "Make a simple task complicated so that she can take charge and play Miss Intelligent."
I pretty much doubt even someone like Dick Bancroft would play contrarian cabbage head in a situation like this.
"I'm not trying to..." Jamie started, but she was drowned out by the amplified voice of Rishard.
"Now if the teams will please proceed to the enclosures, we will get started," he advised. "Coaches, you stay here with me. We wouldn't want you giving your lovely teams any extra aid."
"I'm certainly glad I'm not involved with this event," Ron said. He and Sam were sitting in the stands with Hermione. "I hate anything to do with spiders."
This is supposed to show Ron as a coward, in case you don´t know.
"As we all well know," Hermione said with a laugh. "Spider's Web is only the name of the task. I'm sure they are using a synthetic web and I doubt we'll see any real spiders."
Way to tempt fate, Hermie Sue.
"I wouldn't bet on that," Sam said. "They look awfully real to me."
As soon as the teams had entered the enclosures, two gigantic spiders had appeared out of the shadows and were now quickly spinning webs to close the entrances to each corral, thus trapping the teams within.
"What the hell is going on here?" Snape yelled as he rushed toward Rishard. "You said nothing about using real spiders in this event."
"I thought it would be an entertaining surprise," he answered. "Don't you think it makes for a fabulously more thrilling event having a bona fide web and the hideous maker lurking threateningly just off to the side?"
"Have you ever dealt with these monsters before?" Harry asked angrily.
"No," answered Rishard. "This is my first time, but these two seemed extremely eager to participate."
Where did he even get these spiders to begin with?
"Have you ever considered that they might be planning on lunching on the competitors?" Harry asked.
"Now Harry! You mustn't be so fast to misjudge our fellow magical creatures," Simone contended. "I understand that outwardly they may look gruesome, but they are actually quite docile and very misunderstood creatures."
"Like hell they are," Harry barked. "I've dealt with Aragog's children up close and personal. They are anything, but docile and I did not get the wrong end of the stick. They tried to kill and eat both Ron and I."
"How many years ago was that? People change, so do spiders," Rishard insisted. This is one of the most stupid sentences I´ve ever read in this Saga of fail. "These two are working for a side of beef each. The students are perfectly safe."
Harry and Severus exchanged meaningful looks. Neither man seemed to share Rishard's confidence.
"Did you know there would be gigantic spiders involved with this competition?" Kim asked.
"No!" Caitlin answered. "And if their facial expressions are any indication, it looks like one and all were surprised by their being here. It sure makes a person hesitant about going anywhere near the web with that huge ugly thing sitting up there in the corner watching your every move with its eight eyes."
"You're a bunch of hopeless cowards," Dick shouted. I doubt that's even a genuine spider. Probably just some transfigured toy." As the Scary Sue he has to be stupid by default. He walked over toward the web and stuck his hand through one of the larger holes; then pulled it back out. "See, the great hairy beast didn't even budge."
"You brainless git," Lee yelled. "The spider may not have stirred, but look what you've done to the web." As if an opaque window had closed, the hole was now covered with dense stringy webbing. "Didn't you pay any attention when Rishard was explaining the rules about the webs."
"I have better things to do than listen to a talking fruit bowl," Dick spewed. Aaaaaand this is too stupid even for Dick the Dick. "Incidentally, have you losers taken notice that the Americans already have one person through the web? I imagine they're more interested in winning this stupid game than they are in gawking at a revolting fake spider. At the rate they're going, the Americans will have all their players through the web before you people even get your grand strategy session started."
"You people can sit and plan a line of attack if you like, but I'm fully capable of going through a hole without first having a family meeting." Yes, there was a break between these sentences, even though they are part of the same rant. Neil sucks at writing. Before anyone had time to respond, Dick ran toward the web and lunged.
It will never be known for certain whether or not he touched the web, but something caused the hole to close instantly around him, trapping and holding him midway through.
Oh well...
"I don't believe him," Jamie cried out in frustration. You really that surprised, Jamie Sue? "Not only has he caused us to lose two of the best holes, but now we have to waste even more time pulling him free."
"I don't think so," Kim said, pointing nervously toward the web where the gigantic spider was moving swiftly toward Dick, its pincers clicking excitedly.
What a cliffhanger.
End of Chapter 16
The next chapter will at least give us one of the funniest moments of the Saga though.
#hogwarts exposed#harry potter#bad fanfiction#neil#jamie zacherley#caitlin garrison#hogwarts exposed sporking#emily zacherley#hermione granger#kim thatcher#Hogwarts Overexposed#Rose Potter#Keiran Halcyon#Mary Sue#Mary Sues#Giant Spider#Giant Spiders#Rishard Simone
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Riley sucked so hard
Happy Birthday, Buffy Anne Summers! (January 19, 1981)
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Well that went well xD xD xD
HOT NEW MEME 2014

#shit no one cares about#meme#memes#birth of a meme#forced meme#forced memes#2014#2014 nostalgia#2014 tumblr#2014 aesthetic#2014 revival#mid 2010s#failed meme#failed memes
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Hogwarts Overexposed Chapter 15: Life Goes On
Welcome back. When we last left off, we left on a cliffhanger which ended with Hermione running out naked to the Astronomy Tower.
But first, let us get to an intimate scene between Jamie Sue and Doris in the Room of Requirement:
"I never knew this room was here," Doris said, softly as she looked up and down the long hallway. "Is it generally used to provide somewhere for guests to stay?"
"I only learned of its existence last year, just like the Suethor" Jamie admitted. "It's called the Room of Requirement. It only appears when it's needed. Harry found out about its existence during his fifth year when he used it to hold secret Defense Against the Dark Arts meetings. Hermione suggested that you and I might want to spend the night here."
"She's wise beyond her years, isn't she?" Doris asked. "Leave it to her to know that I'd want to get away from people tonight, but yet not want to be completely alone. Jamie, I'm so very glad you and I became friends." Doris reached out and briefly touched Jamie's hand before they entered the room.
Why does this sound like it´s supposed to be romantic?
Tonight the room had converted itself into sumptuous sleeping quarters. It was decorated in an especially cheery way and contained two oversize beds. On each bed there laid dressing gowns and nightclothes. There was an attached bath and even a small fully stocked kitchen.
Yeah, romantic. This just reeks of Rose Potter essentially making out with other girls yet keep repeating that she´s straight.
Snip for Jamie admitting that she has used this room to shag Alex and other talk, and she suddenly remembers her dead parents:
"I still talk to my Mum and Dad," Jamie said unashamedly. "It's not the same; they can't answer back or give me a reassuring touch, but I know they're still watching over me. A person never completely dies as long as someone still loves them and thinks about them. I'm never going to let my parents fully die."
It´s funny, because over the course of Too Exposed, the Zacherley parents were gradually forgotten, until Dick Bancroft mentioned in a scene that he had set up the death of them for revenge for them testifying against his parents or something.
Aaaaaand this is of course never brought up again.
Jamie then angsts about having to wear the sleeping gowns on the bed, yet Doris reassures her that she doesnt mind seeing her naked, because their both girls.
Just as it seems that they´re about to kiss, Doris remembers why she is there to begin with:
There were a few minutes of awkward silence and then Jamie heard Doris' muffled sobs. "What am I going to do?" Doris cried. "I've lost my entire family and they'll be coming for me next. Jamie, I'm scared. I can't be one of them, but I don't want to die."
Without thinking, Jamie leapt from her bed and darted to Doris, enveloping the girl in a comforting hug. "You're not going to die. We'll protect you, and now take your clothes off!" Jamie said reassuringly.
"Harry and Hermione are already making plans for your security," Jamie confided. "You focus on laying your family to rest."
"Jamie?" Doris asked quietly. "Would it be asking too much for you to sleep with me tonight? I don't want to be alone and it's comforting being held by you."
Of course.
"I'm not going anywhere," Jamie said, nestling Doris' trembling body into her arms and kissing her cheek supportively.
This is ridicculous.
Cut for boring scene with Caitlin and Emily where they discuss their Yule Ball dates. Caitin scolds Emily for wanting to date an obvious pedo, while Emily asks why Caitlin was in a shower with the much younger Evan.
Cut for another boring scene - though this time with Denise and Janice. I had actually totally forgotten they existed - and like other sporkers noted, they are exacty the same. Why are there even two of them?
Anyway, Denise and Janice talk about humiliating Emily at the Yule Ball.
We then finally get to the actual continuation of the cliffhanger:
"Damn Hogwarts and its anti-apparition charms," Hermione thought as she ran from the apartment.
Yeah, magic, it´s a thing here you know.
The staff quarters and the Astronomy Tower were located at opposite ends of the castle. If she had on her trainers, Hermione doubted she could run the distance in less then ten minutes; in her bare feet, covering the expanse over the cold rough stone floors would take even longer. Could she possibly make it in time? The Marauders map had made it appear as if Draco were about to jump.
The suspense is killing me!
The staircase seemed endless as Hermione haphazardly sprinted down the steps, her breasts undulating with each footstep. Well, at least she doesnt have to fear Madam Hooch lurking around the corner anymore. Finally she reached the bottom, but just as she turned to head down the corridor, she collided with something unseen. She fell to the ground, her hands barely catching her in time to avoid her face smashing into the hard stone floor. Her legs were flailing in the air, whatever she had collided with implanted between them.
FUCK YOU NEIL
Only once she returned to a standing position did she realize what she had run into.
"Professor Flitwick, I'm so sorry," she said, flushing as she became cognizant of just where the professor's face had been entrapped. "Please forgive me, it's an emergency," she shouted as she turned to run off. "It's Draco! Get Severus and hurry to the Astronomy Tower."
Anyway, she makes it to the tower.
Just as she was about to look over the edge, a voice called out from her left. "Nice outfit Granger," Malfoy said. "I always did like the wet look."
The Draco Trilogy is back, I guess. "I wore it especially for you," she said. Hermione turned toward the sound of Draco voice "The Draco Voice" and began to slowly walk toward him, not even attempting to hide her splendor from his gawking eyes.
Not sexual at all. "What are you doing up here?" Hermione asked. "It's rather difficult to star gaze on an overcast night." "I could ask you the same question," Draco replied. "Do you normally roam so far from your lodgings starkers?"
Draco, you´re in Hogwarts Exposed. "Only when I'm troubled that someone might be considering attempting something brainless," Hermione answered.
How reassuring. "What I do or don't do is my own business, Mudblood," Draco shouted. "Furthermore, even though you have extremely attractive features, it will take more than a Muggle tit and arse show to change a pureblood's mind once it is made up."
I thought Exposed!Draco was already past this? "I didn't come up here to give you a lap dance, Inbreed," Hermione snapped angrily. OMG LOOK SHE´S SO SMART AND GOOD WITH COMEBACKS "I came to talk you out of making a huge mistake. Has all that interbreeding turned your mind to mush?" "You don't know what the fuck you're talking about," Draco shouted. "You have no idea of the choices I'll be faced with. I don't want to die when I finally have something worth living for, but it is the only way out."
This is so stupid. As they talked, Hermione had inched her way closer and closer to Draco. Now only a few feet separated them. Draco's back, however, was mere inches from the low tower wall. If startled in any way, he might back up and lose his footing. "He'll be coming for me soon," Draco cried. "Don't you understand? If I don't serve him, he'll kill everyone I love. I can't let that happen." Without warning Malfoy reached out and grabbed Hermione's bare breasts. FUCK YOU NEIL "I always wanted to do that," he said, a devilish smirk on his face. I think it´s just the Suethor speaking here. "Look at the bright side Granger. I'll die with a smile on my face." So much for the whole "nudity is nothing sexual and breasts are just body parts" BS that was pushed earlier in the series. He pushed away from Hermione and flipped backwards out of sight over the wall.
Oh well.
* * * * * *
We now get to the funeral.
Wednesday, November 9, 2005 "I hate funerals," Emily said, wiping tears from her eyes. "I'm never going to another one as long as I live. They're too depressing."
Shut up Emily -_- Jamie placed her arm around her sister's shoulder. "They are depressing," Jamie agreed. "Even if the person being buried wasn't close to you, it's still disheartening. Funerals bring back memories of those you've lost and remind you just how fragile life is. Regrettably the healthier you are and the longer you live, the more loved ones you'll see put to rest." "That's a pleasant thought," Emily said, sarcastically.
Neil, having one of the Main Sues say something like this sarcastically makes her look worse than she already is. "I think the private ceremony after dusk tonight will be even more heartrending," Jamie said. "It's one thing for an adult to die, but it seems so unjust for a child to have her life ended before it has even truly begun, especially in such a gruesome way."
See, this is about Doris´ parents, not Draco - this is Neil trying to *~*~*~* subvert expectations *~*~*~* "How could anyone cut off somebody's head; it's inhumane?" Emily sobbed. "Unfortunately in our world there are those that have no respect for life," Jamie said. Some people can as easily kill another human being as you or I could trample on an insect. I doubt that the brute that killed little Hillary even lost a moments sleep over it."
And I still can´t get over that she was named Hillary. Emily closed her eyes and shook her head. "I thought the atrocities of war were supposed to have ended with Voldemort's defeat. I guess I was wrong." "I'm afraid evil will always exist in our world," Jamie replied sadly.
- - - - - -
I have no idea what this is, given that we are still at the funeral.
"The lid of the casket is open," Caitlin cried, a horrified expression on her face. "Since they only recovered her head, I assumed it would be a closed casket viewing."
Caitlin, no one is forcing you to look at it. "That was the original plan," Harry said, "but Doris was adamant on seeing her sister one more time. With Sir Nicholas de Mimsy's Is he related to Mimsy from South Park? aid, Professor Flitwick and your Mum were able to transfigure her a temporary body for the memorial service." "They attached her head to another body?" Caitlin asked, horrified.
Caitlin, what did he just say? "Not exactly," Harry answered in a calming voice as he put his arm around Caitlin. "They didn't try to emulate Baron Von Frankenstein's work. "von" is not supposed to be capitalised, and I guess it means that Victor Frankenstein existed in this world. The body is only a prosthetic facsimile to which the head was connected. That is why she is covered up to the neck. They simply wanted to give her as proper a burial as possible." Caitlin nodded her understanding.
Nodded her what? Since the Ministry was denying the death of little Hillary, her interment was being conducted in secrecy under the cover of darkness. In addition to Doris and the Potter family the only people attending were a few trusted Hogwarts faculty members and some members of The Order of the Phoenix.
The latter which could be anyone at this point. "Death eventually comes to us all," Severus Snape stated as the mourners listened forlornly, "but its only cause should be old age. We live at a time when wizard kind has conquered disease; a time when all but the most serious injury can be cured by a mediwitch. Yet we find ourselves today mourning the death of a young child, a child whose life had barely begun. "Hillary Burke was robbed of her existence because the Suethor needed some rather unnecesary shock value for the sake of drama her parents loved her and wanted her to live a life of freedom in a world liberated of fear. Hillary was loved, but those who killed her find the mere concept of love alien. They live only to destroy and hate. "I pray there is a God. I pray there is a heaven. And I pray that God has prepared a place for this little angel."
I still don´t fully grasp the idea of religion in the wizard world. Hermione and Jamie accompanied Doris to the casket, where she kissed her sister's cheek one final time before the lid was closed.
* * * * * *
A lot of the following will be unsporked:
"Are you sure you're up to this?" Jamie asked as she and Doris approached the Room of Requirement.
Considering how their last time in that room ended, this sounds kinda wrong.
"No! Honestly I'm drained, but I have to attend," Doris admitted. "I need to be a part of the effort to defeat them. I have to do it for myself, for my parents, but mostly for Hillary. I have to help fight back."
The room they entered was much different than the one they had slept in the previous few nights. There were no beds, no bright cheerful colors. Instead there was a huge conference room with a magnificent round table. Harry ushered Jamie and Doris to chairs and then cleared his throat to get everyone's attention.
"It is getting late. Now that everyone is here, I suggest we get started immediately," Harry said, forcefully. He gave Doris a sympathetic smile and then continued. "I apologize for the timing of this meeting, but there are some matters we must address immediately. Since many Order members were attending the funeral, I felt it would save a trip. I realize that it might seem in bad taste to meet at this time, but Slytherin hasn't called a moratorium in his recruiting efforts."
"Harry, before you continue, may I ask a question?" Shacklebolt inquired.
Harry nodded his head.
"I understand that we all just left a funeral, but do you really feel that it is prudent to allow children, even your own, to attend a meeting of the Order? And what about him? His father was a Death Eater."
In case you didnt get the memo, Draco is still alive and well.
"They are the primary reason for this meeting," Harry answered. "We will forgo discussion on any other subjects until a decision is reached concerning them."
"What decision is that?" Shacklebolt asked.
"Whether are not they should be inducted as members."
"Whether are not" is got to be one of the dumbest spelling fails I´ve seen in this Saga - how many betas are there again?
"Harry, you can't be serious," Ron implored. "The Order has always required that members be of age and out of school."
Ron is only saying this so that Neil can get back to some Ron-bashing that he is so fond of.
"I recall three exceptions to that rule," Harry said. "If I'm not mistaken you were one of those."
"You know very well that was under special circumstances," Ron emphasized. "Dumbledore only permitted you in because of the prophecy that the Suethor took from a different fanfic and Hermione and I because of our close liaison with you. But even so, that wasn't until the end of our sixth year. I can appreciate the value in considering exceptional seventh year students that we know can be trusted, but Emily and Caitlin are only twelve and thirteen. Fourteen if we are to go by the next fic, in which she turns fifteen at the start of the school year for something plot-related that was actually mentioned in the first fic but that I think Neil forgot about in the meantime. The order, after all, isn't a babysitting service."
"Too young to vote, but not too young to die," Harry said sorrowfully. "Hillary was only six. I'm not proposing that underage wizards and witches be accepted into the Order Carte Blanche, but like Dumbledore finally made an exception in our case, I feel we also have to make exceptions. It's obvious that Health and Sight in the prophecy refers to Caitlin and Emily. Slytherin can't be defeated without the aid of these girls. How can we ask them to risk their lives to save wizard kind and at the same time deny them access to information that might well save their lives?"
We then get the prophecy repeated, again. For some reason.
"I'm with Harry," Tonks affirmed. "They may be young, but Caitlin and Emily have already faced greater peril then most full grown wizards have experienced. At their age, we most certainly can't expect them to stand beside us in battle, but because they are part of the prophecy, they should be privy to all Order knowledge and activity.
Because the Sues are so speshul.
"Hermione, you've been uncharacteristically quiet thus far tonight," Severus said. "What say you on the subject?"
"Obviously, I have mixed emotions," Hermione answered, staring lovingly at her two girls. "They are my daughters, my little girls. My motherly instinct is to try and shield them from any possible danger, but we already know that is impossible.
This sounds so stilted and melodramatic.
"She's right," Sam declared. "We need them and they need us. Slytherin has already demonstrated that this war will have casualties of all ages; it's going to need soldiers of all ages, also."
Is Sam now part of the Order too? Is that why she is there?
Harry nodded his head in agreement. "Unless someone feels there is a need for further discussion, I'd like to call for a vote. All those willing to accept Caitlin Potter and Emily Zacherley-Potter as members of The Order of the Phoenix please indicate by raising your hand."
Harry counted the raised hands. "Those opposed!"
No one was mentioned, despite Rons comments from earlier.
"Congratulations ladies!" Harry said. "You are now official members of The Order of the Phoenix." Both Emily and Caitlin responded in somewhat juvenile ways.
"Harry, can I assume that our other guests are also here to have their membership voted upon?" Snape inquired.
"That's correct," Harry replied.
Severus rubbed his chin, apparently deep in thought. "Since we have for all intents and purposes abolished the age restrictions for membership, I would like to sponsor Miss Zacherley and Miss Burke."
I repeat: Snape was more in character in My Immortal.
Harry gave Severus a grateful smile.
Oh G"d please no.
"These ladies have both been a credit to Hogwarts," Severus went on. "Both were house prefects or "perfects" and both made the short list for head girl. You all know Jamie; I don't think it's necessary to go into her history or to justify her qualifications.
Of course the Main Sue doesnt need any more introductions.
"However, Doris is an unknown to many of you and she does come from the house that supplied a majority of Voldemort's supporters. But I guarantee you she is one of us. Harry and I visited her memories; I saw her reaction to the letter from her mum concerning the initial visit from Nott and I read her response. If my recommendation isn't enough, look at those two."
Severus indicated Jamie and Doris who were sitting with their hands unashamedly clutched tightly together So much shipping. on the table. "Females in the Zacherley family have an uncanny ability to judge people. Which is why Jamie sanctioned Amanada getting into a relationship with Tony who then impregnated her and then disappeared from the fic for good Perhaps they have a touch of Kneazle blood in them," Severus said, giving Jamie a grin.
"Jamie, do you trust Doris?" Severus asked
"With my life," Jamie said, squeezing Doris's hand even tighter and giving her a heartening smile.
"That's certainly good enough for me," Severus said, giving the girls one of his no longer rare smiles.
WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT DID YOU DO TO SNAPE???!!!
Harry beamed when the voting was complete and both girls had received unanimous approval.
"That leaves us with one final candidate to vote for," Harry said.
"Of course, you saved the best for last," Draco said smugly.
"Harry, you can't be serious," Ron raged. "Not the 'ferret.' You can't possibly trust that git."
More Ron-bashing incoming!
Ron received angry stares from both Ginny and Sam for his outburst.
Did you think I was kidding?
"Surprisingly I do," Harry said. "Up until Saturday night I had some reservations, but not any longer."
"Skunks don't change their stripes," Ron fumed. "What could possibly happen in one night to erase over a decade of hate and deceit?
"He tried to kill himself in order to protect Ginny and their baby," Harry said calmly.
Draco seemed to be closely studying the texture of the table's wood grain, avoiding the stares of everyone present. Ginny held his hand tightly between her two small pale palms.
"Good grief Harry! The bastard has been play-acting for years," Ron protested. "Think back to third year; how he tried to get Hagrid fired and Buckbeak executed. He'd never do the world the favor of doing away with himself."
I thought Ron had warmed up to him in the continuity from the other fics this is based on.
"He certainly tried Saturday," Harry said resolutely and then with Hermione's help began to tell the story.
"... When I saw him disappear over the wall, I was certain he would die," Hermione said. "I had no idea that Harry had flown to the Astronomy Tower and positioned himself just below Draco and out of my sight."
How convenient.
"He fell directly into my arms," Harry said. "It all transpired so fast that I don't think Draco at first comprehended what was happening. I had him back on the tower and secured with a binding charm just before Professor Flitwick arrived with Ginny and Severus."
"Once again, the Great Harry Potter saves the day," Draco drawled sarcastically. "All you've done is delay the inevitable and place Ginny's life in jeopardy."
"Draco, suicide isn't the answer, it never is," Ginny pleaded, tears filling her eyes. "The order will help us."
"Like they helped her parents and sister?" Draco said furiously, looking toward Doris. "He's not going to be stopped, can't you understand that. You only have two choices; join Slytherin's ranks or die. If I have to die, I'd rather it be at a time and a place of my own choosing; not after I've been forced to witness the torture and death of the only person that has ever truly loved me."
"There is a third choice," Harry said serenely. "You could join us and help defeat him."
TLDR; more plot recycling!
"Nott made one thing extremely clear. No one turns down Slytherin and lives. Burke's family isn't the first to die. It's only the first you're aware of."
Yet apparently also the only ones who are mentioned for the rest of the saga too.
Because fuck all those who arent friends with the Main Sue.
"Then I think it's clear what you must do," Harry said, after a few moments of thought. "You must contact Nott tomorrow and inform him that you want to join Slytherin's cause, but first, tonight you must swear your allegiance to The Order of the Phoenix." For a short time the room remained silent as everyone digested Harry's words. "You want me to be a spy for the Order?" Draco muttered, shaking his head in disbelief. "If he finds out, he'll kill me and Ginny, too." "Draco, don't you understand. Even if you had been successful at committing suicide, he would still have tried to kill Ginny," Harry explained. "Even though you'd be in your grave, he'd still want to exact his revenge on you."
Oh well.
* * * * * *
Cut for a short scene where we for once learn that Rons comments earlier objecting to the inclusion were a plan by Harry so Harry could explain his reasoning to include the other Sues and Draco.
Cut for a lengthy description of Jamie entering the main hall and seeing that all the tables have been rearranged because Snape wants to do away with the House Tables or something.
"When you all first arrived at Hogwarts, as nervous first years, you were given a little talk about the various houses. You were informed that your house would be something like your family within Hogwarts. You would have classes with the rest of your house, sleep in your house dormitory, and spend free time in your house common room. "Up until today you also enjoyed your meals with members of your house. Yes, on rare occasions some of you have been brave enough to sit at another house table with a friend, but those instances have been all too rare. Sadly, many of you have not gotten to properly know three quarters of your fellow students.
Just when you thought that Exposed!Snape couldnt get any more out of character, you get this. "I see that each house has laid claim to one of the corner tables. This is fine! We are often most comfortable around those we are most familiar with. However, I encourage you to use the community table in the middle of the Hall. Spend some time with friends from other houses; make new friends. I look to the prefects and the head boy and girl to help me in this effort to bolster unity."
This is so stupid. "What a marvelous idea," Jamie declared. "Amanda, please come with me, I'm going to get Doris. Alex, why don't you ask some of your Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw friends to sit with us?"
THE GLURGE IS KILLING ME HELP MEEEEEEE "Must you be a prefect or can I go get Kim and Emily," Caitlin asked excitedly. "The headmaster just wants us to get things started," Jamie advised. "Go get Kim and your sister."
I was under the impression that this isnt the first time they all sit together. "What the hell is happening to this place," Dick declared to anyone willing to listen. "Just when I think it can't get any worse, it does. Well, I'm staying right where I am. I'll be damned if I'm going to get chummy with any of the riff raff."
* * * * * *
We get back to the shenanigans related to the tournament.
"Are you nervous about today's training session?" Kim asked as she and Caitlin walked toward the Quidditch Pitch.
"Not really," Caitlin answered, "the way Mr. Simone talked it's just going to be more of those stupid 'get to know you' games. I'm anxious to see what the real challenges will be like."
"Me too. Eager, but nervous at the same time," Kim said.
"I just hope the sun comes out. I'm freezing," Caitlin said. "My goose bumps have goose bumps."
"Me too," Kim whispered. "I guess that's a disadvantage of the concealment charm; at least we could have cast a warming charm on the costume."
The whole thing with forgetting about magic is going to get even more ridicculous just before the fics climax.
"Not that it would have done much good. There is hardly any material to cast a warming charm on," Caitlin said with a laugh. "I'll check with Mum. There has to be some sort of warming charm that can be applied to the human body without burning it to a crisp."
If only it would burn the Sues away.
"Caitlin, don't look now, but that group of fifth year boys is really checking us out," Kim whispered.
Caitlin laughed. "If they like the view in these costumes, imagine if they could see us as we really are, just socks and trainers."
Kim blushed. "Caitlin, if I tell you something, will you promise not to tell a soul."
"Yes, as long as it doesn't involve you performing any unforgivable curses on anybody," Caitlin said with a laugh.
"I can't believe this!" Kim said. "I'm embarrassed to tell you."
"Out with it!"
"Those guys! I'd rather that they had seen me nude then in this decadent outfit," Kim admitted. "I'm ashamed to be seen in this."
Caitlin smiled. "It's official," she said. "You're assimilated! one of us, you're a naturist. You've learned that being nude is not dirty or sexual." In this fic, this mantra makes no sense, given what we witnessed when Draco tried to off himself. Caitlin laughed. "But I'm afraid those guys would have had dirty and sexual thoughts no matter how we were dressed."
Well, they are in Hogwarts Exposed, so she´s got that right.
"Caitlin, do you have a minute?" Matt asked running up to the two girls. "We need to talk."
Oh no, not that show again.
"We better hurry," Kim cried. "It looks like they're ready to start."
"Matt, I can't now, we're late, but if you meet me after the session we can talk," Caitlin said insincerely.
Matt nodded his head as Kim and Caitlin both began to sprint toward their teammates.
"Did you see that Eric?" Rishard said in disgust as Kim and Caitlin reached the other Hogwarts champions. "How are they doing it? It should be impossible to run like that without their little tits popping out."
We get it, he´s a pervert!
"I agree," Eric said, frustration evident in his voice, "but they didn't and I suggest you find out why and find it out fast. THIS IS THE MAIN CONFLICT OF THE FIC GUYS We are paying you big bucks to delivery us nudity. We can get young girls in scanty costumes at any local beauty pageant. For your sake, there better be some tits and pussy on display today."
I love how Neil thinks underage nudity is so popular.
"There will be, I'm sure there will be," Rishard guaranteed nervously as Eric returned to his seat in the stands.
"Both teams are assembled and ready whenever you are Mr. Simone," Harry said as he approached Rishard.
"Thank you, Harry!" Rishard said. His eyes caressed Harry as they always did, but this time his mind seemed preoccupied. Suddenly he seemed to come out of his stupor. "Yes! Yes! Well on with the show."
Rishard drew out his wand, directed it at his throat, and said "Sonorus." Everyone in the stands could now hear his every word. He looked up at the sky.
"Hopefully we'll be able to complete our exercises today without any unwelcome rain," he said with a nervous laugh. "These exercises might seem easy and in some cases silly, but they serve an important purpose. They allow you to get acquainted with your teammates and to learn to fully trust them.
Didnt they do this before?
"It will be critical that you have full faith in your teammates when we start the actual competition. Our first exercise today is known as the Trust Fall. As you can see, we have erected two platforms, one for each team. These platforms are five and a half feet off the ground and large enough for two people to stand on. You will take turns climbing to the top of the platform and then jumping into the arms of your waiting teammates. Your coach will stand with you to give you encouragement and to ensure that your teammates are prepared. Do not jump headfirst or feet first. The members of your team will be in two lines ready to receive you. You want to arrive in their arms as prone as possible."
This is dumb.
"Why do I have the feeling that Dick Bancroft is going to be concentrating more on getting a quick feel than on preventing us from hitting the ground?" Jamie asked.
Caitlin laughed. "Because you know the true deviate that's hidden behind that school boy facade. How do you think everyone will react to holding us in their arms naked?"
Caitlin, you´re in Hogwarts Exposed. Stupid question.
"I think it will take a little getting used to, but Lee, Don and Jeff seem pretty cool. They also have no personality to begin with. I think they'll be okay. Dick, on the other hand is a big question mark," Jamie remarked. "I can't picture him being anything other than a jerk."
"Now if you'll all pay attention, I'll walk both teams through this the first time," Rishard advised. "Let's have the lightest member of each team on the platform first."
"That's you, Caitlin," most of the Hogwarts team said concurrently.
This is supposed to be funny, as Caitlin has no boobs, or something.
Rishard watched in disquiet as Caitlin, without a concern, climbed up the ladder to the platform. Although the costume provided a brilliant view of young arse -_-, her adolescent breasts seemed quite content to remain covered. This was not going at all as planned and Simone knew his backers would not be happy.
I repeat:
THIS IS THE MAIN CONFLICT OF THE FIC
Debby likewise reached the top of the American platform without a mishap. Rishard began to panic; what if they went through the entire exercise without any exposure or overexposure!. He didn't even want to consider how Eric and the other sponsors would react.
Cut for lengthy description of how to catch the jumping players.
Harry had to do more restraining then encouraging; Caitlin was ready to leap before her catchers were even in position. Although Caitlin didn't appear the least bit nervous, most of her catchers did, with the notable exception of Dick the Dick Bancroft. Dick was positioned across from Kim in the chest support position. Jamie was at the front ready to prevent any head injury.
A feeling of revulsion swept through Kim as she clutched hands with Dick. He had this nasty look on his face. Kim got the impression that Dick was more interested in fondling Caitlin than he was in safely catching her.
This is repeated as often as the whole "Ginnys tight dress wasnt secured enough for her boobs" part in the first fic.
Harry looked down on his team. "Everybody ready?" he asked. "How about you?" Caitlin gave the only father she had ever known an enthusiastic thumbs up. "Then jump!"
I have a bad feeling.
Caitlin was standing at the edge of the platform. She leaned back and then without hesitation thrust herself forward. Her body was perfectly prone when she reached the awaiting arms, but she had misjudged the strength of her lunge. She completely overshot Nora and Lee who were positioned to catch her legs; they instead fell on the arms of Don and Jeff, leaving Kim and Dick to catch her entire torso. Because of her light weight, they were able to hold her, although for a few frightening seconds it looked like Jamie might be the only thing preventing Caitlin from hitting the ground head first.
....why did this description sound nonsensical?
Caitlin quickly wriggled free. Once her feet hit the ground, she turned and gave Dick a penetrating, disgusted look. He returned a wily, evil smile that was quickly whipped off his face by a vicious slap.
Well, at least Caitlin did something.
Few noticed the slap as their attention was now on Debby, who was about to jump. Jamie, however, hadn't missed her sister's outrage and quickly approached her.
"What happened?" she asked urgently.
"That prick fondled me," she answered. "Worse than that, he tried to finger me, too."
FUCK YOU NEIL
Also, fingering in public?
"Are you positive?" Jamie asked in shock. She had always disliked Dick, but didn't think that even he would be so gross in such a public venue. "You over shot your landing. Perhaps he was only trying to keep you from falling."
Oh come on, Jamie Sue, even you can´t be so pure that you would be surprised that Dick the Dick did something like that.
"I know the difference," Caitlin said adamantly. "Remember in my first year when I was getting off Matt's shoulders and slipped. He grabbed me at the crotch to keep me from falling. His fingers didn't move and he apologized a million times." At the time she had been mortified that Matt had touched her there, now it was a fond memory of the close relationship she had once shared with the boy.
-_-
"This was different. Bancroft kept moving his fingers around, trying to make entry."
"I'm going to kill him," Jamie said. And from the expression on her face, it looked like she had every intention of doing just that.
"You can't," Caitlin said, holding on to her. "He isn't worth you getting into trouble. Just, you be careful and warn Kim and Nora."
"Oh btw, be careful Kim and Nora, that Dick isnt fingering you when you get down!"
In any normal situation Dick would most likely get suspended for sexual harrasment.
Jamie shook her head in agreement, but nevertheless slowly walked over to Bancroft. Then she started talking, but only loud enough for Dick to hear.
"Dick, have you ever hear of Viagra?" Jamie inquired.
Oh here we go...
Bancroft stared at her incredulously, wondering where this line of questioning was headed.
"Yeah, I heard of it," he replied. "Isn't that the Muggle medicine that gives a guy a temporary stiffy?"
"Did you know that there is a magical equivalent?" Jamie asked. "There is a spell that can add six inches to the length of a guy's penis, and it's not temporary. You have to perform another spell to return it back to normal."
"What makes you think I'd have any interest in this?" Dick asked angrily. "I don't need any artificial enhancements."
"I didn't say you did," Jamie answered coyly. "I was just wondering what would happen if the reversal spell was performed without the elongation spell being done first. Would you like to find out?"
And then everyone started clapping.
"Are you threatening me, Zacherley?" Dick had a menacing look on his face, but his quaking voice gave away his fear.
"Not threatening," Jamie said. "It's more like a promise. If you touch any of the girls on this team again in an improper way, I'll be using you as a guinea pig."
"You wouldn't dare," Bancroft said.
"I believe I'm on the platform next," Jamie said. "Feel free to grope me if you think I'm bluffing. I think the title Nearly Dickless Dick sounds cute." She turned and walked toward the platform.
YASSSSSS QUEEEEEEN SLAAAAAAAAYYYYYY
Jamie jumped with no consequences, as did Kim. For the moment at least, Bancroft appeared to be behaving. Much to Rishard's chagrin, so were the costumes.
MAIN CONFLICT EVERYONE
The Hogwarts team had elected to have the girls all jump first before proceeding to the heavier boys. That meant it was now Nora's turn. She stood petrified staring at the ladder.
Up until now, she had been able to shield her breasts even as she helped catch her teammates. How could she properly leap from the platform and at the same time screen her breasts? For that matter, how could she even climb the ladder?
Isnt Salazar Slytherin up to something?
If this had been in the hands of a better writer and not having this ridicculous Naturism-focus then this scene would probably have been a good vehicle for a attack by Salazar Slytherin to make his presence known, or something.
Nora put her left foot on the ladder and reached up for the rung with her right arm. That was all it took for her right nipple to burst out of hiding. Nora turned crimson as she tucked the offending breast back into the minuscule costume and cowered in a ball at the foot of the ladder.
Oh, the suspense is killing me yet again.
Rishard for the first time today, displayed his toothy smile. Nora didn't possess the largest or most perfect breasts on either team, but at this point Mr. Simone was happy for any display of nudity.
"We'll help you up the ladder," Jamie said, placing her arm around Nora.
I thought she was already halfway up?
"How can you do that?" Nora asked, a defeated tone to her voice.
"The ladder isn't that tall," Jamie answered. "Kim and I can hang on either side of the ladder holding the uniform cloth against your body so that your breasts don't pop out. Caitlin can wait at the top of the ladder to help you until you are standing upright."
Wait what
"Then what?" Nora asked.
"Then you have to build up the nerve to jump," Jamie replied. "We'll do our best to conceal you once you're in our arms."
Nora looked at Jamie, desperation evident in her eyes. She couldn't do this, yet she knew she had to do this. She sadly nodded her head in agreement.
Mr. Simone watched crossly as the girls helped Nora successfully negotiate the ladder. He considered protesting, but remembered that this was just training and what they were doing violated no rules. Oh well. Once Nora was standing upright on the platform, the girls all hurried back to their catching positions.
"You can do this Nora, I know you can," Harry said positively.
"I wish I had your confidence, Professor Potter," Nora answered, visibly shaking.
"Just slowly walk to the edge of the platform," Harry encouraged. "Don't look down. I'll tell you when everybody is setup. Then just close your eyes and jump; they'll do the rest. Have faith."
So her lack of faith is going to be her end, it seems.
Nora nodded. She had to stop being a coward Seriously? and become part of the team. Somehow she was able to block from her mind how scantily dressed she was, as she approached the edge of the platform. She stood there, her eyes pressed closed waiting for Harry's signal.
Harry lingered until everybody was ready and looked up at Nora before yelling, "Jump!"
In one quick movement Nora raised her arms and jumped forward and off the platform. As she raised her arms, both breasts burst out of her costume. Well, at least Madam Hooch is dead, other wise.... Nora screamed and brought her arms down to clutch her chest. This had the affect of turning her prone lunge into a roll. She was headed toward the ground headfirst. Dick who was in the front position for this jump panicked to get out of the way and in so doing knocked Kim and Jeff both off balance.
I think this is one of the very few times the word "balance" is used right.
Nora's head, neck and shoulders hit the ground simultaneously with a loud crack. She just lay there seemingly lifeless.
DUN DUNN DUUUNNNNNNN
End of Chapter 15
And I guess it´s now time to return to the framing device from 6 years ago:
After Ebony had killed Magichan, she faced the others around her. "We need to end this madness once and for all!" she said, and jumped sexily on to the street.
Suddenly, she saw several ugle hedgehog-like abominations flying towards her, which she then immediately used one of the unforgiveable curses to defeat. "Well, that was easy!" she said to herself.
As this happened, Christian Weston Chandler and his abomination, Sonichu, watched it all unfold in a chrystal ball in his castle.
#hogwarts exposed#harry potter#bad fanfiction#neil#jamie zacherley#caitlin garrison#hogwarts exposed sporking#emily zacherley#hermione granger#kim thatcher#Hogwarts Overexposed#chris-chan#christian weston chandler#sonichu
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Hogwarts Overexposed Chapter 14:
The First Casualties of War
Welcome back. I know it´s been a while, but life happened, and this has to be taken care of too. I honestly hope to finish this chapter in one setting.
Also, with all that said, this month actually marks TEN YEARS since I first stumbled upon Hogwarts Exposed on Das Sporking. I do think that reading these sporkings has changed my view on both the concept of fanfiction and Mary Sues as a whole.
When we last left off, there was a cliffhanger ending with Hermie Sue telling Harry Stu that Snape looked distraught.
But first, we need a very long section of the forced and very creepy Caitlin (14) and Evan (11) romance that Neil for some reason set up after for some reason character assasinating Matt.
It ends with Caitlin selecting Evan as her "just friends" date to the Yule Ball.
Evan jumped to his feet, faced Caitlin and bowed. "It would be my honor to escort the beautiful princess to the ball," he said. Caitlin blushed as she got to her feet and pulled Evan into a firm hug. "You are a special friend," This term sounds so wrong in anything related to Hogwarts Exposed! she said, holding him tightly. Evan didn't respond. He felt as if he had just died and surely gone to heaven.
Other sporkers have already mentioned it, but it seems that Neil is using Evan as a self insert to live out a romance from when he was a child when he apparently had a crush on an older girl.
Cut for a boring scene where we get to know that Ginny is pregnant.
After depositing Ben with Sam and Ron, they hastened to the Headmaster's office. Harry promptly gave the password to the stone gargoyle. You know, despite the fact that the names Harry and Hermione are used, occasionally I do forget that this is supposed to be a Harry Potter fanfiction - why? Because there is honestly more talk of naturism than anything with Magic. He and Hermione reached the top of the spiraling staircase just as Tonks and Shacklebolt finished removing their rain gear. One look at the solemn expressions on the Aurors' faces, and they knew that this most definitely wasn't a social call.
Which must have been relieving, as they didnt want their little naturist cult be destroyed by the social services. Snape gestured for everyone to be seated. "What is this visit concerning?" he asked, scrutinizing the Aurors. "As you know, at the last meeting of the Order of the Phoenix, Harry asked Tonks and I to be on the lookout for anything suspicious; anything that might point to Salazar Slytherin recruiting followers," Kingsley stated. "This morning The Magical Law Enforcement Patrol was contacted by an elf, reporting that her masters had been killed. Tonks and I decided to tag along." "Fortunate that we did," Tonks interjected. "The Ministry has ordered a cover up."
Dun-dun-duuuuun. "Cover up?" Harry asked questioningly. "It's being reported as a double murder, kidnapping," Tonks revealed, "but it's not. Even the Magical Law Enforcement Patrol knows that, but all the evidence has been sequestered." "What makes you think Slytherin had anything to do with it?" Harry questioned. "This!" Shacklebolt said, withdrawing a partially written letter from his pocket. "While I was listening in as the patrol leader questioned the house elf, our Nymphadora did a little confiscating of evidence herself." Tonks gave a shudder; she hated when anyone used her first name. "If I hadn't, you know it would have been destroyed," Tonks said defensively.
I just find it weird that we for the first time in several chapters actually get some of the main characters involved with the actual plot again after we spent the last couple of chapters angsting about the stripperific costumes for the tournament. "You're quite right! I was complimenting you, not criticizing you," How did what he said sound like criticism? Kingsley explained as he handed the letter to Snape. Without looking over the letter, Snape began reading it aloud.
Darling, I know my last owl upset you. If it were possible for your father and I to undo our past, don't you think we would? You can't imagine how many times we've regretted ever becoming involved with the Dark Lord. My only excuse is that we were young and foolish. We can't change the past, but we need to do everything possible now to protect you and Hillary. I don´t know why, but naming a pureblood witch "Hillary" sounds just very out of place. You girls are our world. I don't want us to fight, but I'm not leaving you behind. We've made arrangements to depart for the United States on Sunday. I know this is upsetting to you, but we have no choice. It is imperative that you tell no one. We will
"Do you think she was writing this letter when the murderer arrived?" Hermione asked.
If it wasnt for this line, I would have thought it was just yet another aspect of Neils bad and clumsy writing. "That's our belief," Shacklebolt replied. "Tonks and I think the parents were being coerced to join with Slytherin. Their daughter, the one the letter was being written to, is a seventh year at Hogwarts. We know that already, why is this stated again? Once the ministry fabricates their story, I'm sure they will contact the school. Although difficult under the circumstances, it might be best if you could talk to the young lady before the ministry intervenes."
Yes, Neil is now recycling the canon plotline of the Ministry covering up Voldemorts return. "I agree," said Hermione, "but isn't our first concern for Hillary, the girl that was kidnapped? What is the ministry doing to locate her?"
Oh Hermione... "Nothing!" Tonks said, unable to hold back her tears. "That's part of the ministry sham. She's not kidnapped; at least not anymore." Hermione, Severus and Harry all stared at Tonks, expressions of confusion and unease on their faces. "There was another piece of evidence that the ministry ordered destroyed," Kingsley said, his voice shaking uncontrollably. "Whoever committed the murders also delivered a package to the home." Kingsley hung his head sadly and closed his eyes as if ready to say a prayer. I guess they´re all Christian now. Tonks started crying uncontrollably. "The box contained Hillary's decapitated head."
This was written in by Neil to show how much more eeeeeeeevul Salazar is than Voldemort, yet it doesnt really work aside for some really gross shock value.
Also, given Neils notoriety of both ripping off other fanfiction and actual canon, it´s rather obvious this was taken from Se7en. Hermione's face became a ghastly white as she lunged for the waste bin. Harry and Severus sat motionless, neither wanting to fathom such an atrocity. After a few minutes of uneasy quiet, Harry spoke. "They have the child's head. How can they possibly say she was kidnapped? They must see that this is the work of the evilest of wizards." "The ministry refuses to believe that Slytherin has returned and walks amongst us," Shacklebolt replied.
This is so stupid. "But what of the poor girl's head?" Hermione cried. "How can they deny its existence?' "Because it was transfigured to a twig What? and tossed into the trash," Tonks sobbed. "The remainder of her body will undoubtedly never be found." "The poor dear," Hermione wailed. "At the very least she deserved a proper burial." "I felt that way, too," Kingsley said, tears filling his eyes as he gently removed a twig wrapped in a soft cloth from his pocket. "She should be restored to human form when the time comes, but I don't think I have the stomach for it." "I'll do it," Hermione said, looking at the ceiling as if asking for strength. "Give me the strength that I have in canon, ceiling!" "Severus, could you please put the twig somewhere secure until the proper time? Who is Hillary's sister? We need to talk to her before the ministry gets a hold of her." "Doris Burke," Shacklebolt answered.
I thought it was already obvious that this was Doris. "No! No!" Hermione cried, slumping to her knees Seriously? and looking as if ready to pound the floor to dust. "No!" Harry got on his knees next to her and wrapped his arm around Hermione comfortingly.
This is laughable.
* * * * *
Doris walked quietly into the Headmaster's office, and then studied the somber faces surrounding her. Without anyone uttering a word, tears filled her eyes. "My parents are dead, aren't they?" she asked, fighting to hold back the tears.
I thought the tears were already filling her eyes? "What about Hillary? Is she okay?" Doris asked hopefully. "No, I'm afraid not," Hermione said tearfully, getting up from her chair and going to comfort the distressed girl. "I've lost my entire family," Doris sobbed, "and I'm next. It's just a matter of how soon." "No one is going to hurt you," Hermione said reassuringly. "Hogwarts is safe and secure."
Exposed!Hogwarts is so safe that Crabbe and Goyle managed to infiltrate the Yule Ball and abduct Hermione via a portkey a few years earlier. "I'm a seventh year. I graduate in June," she cried. "They'll come for me then and my only choice will be to join him or die." "Join who?" Harry asked, his voice showing concern.
Who the fuck do you think she´s talking about, Harry? It´s not like her family was killed by Salazar. "Slytherin! The bastard is back!" she screamed. "The ministry and the Daily Prophet are lying. He's returned just like Jamie said and he's determined to take over our world." "Doris, I give you my word that everything physically possible will be done to protect you," Harry said firmly. "I regret that it's too late to save your sister and parents." Harry got to his feet and walked over to Doris. "In a very short time the ministry will be contacting you. They will be giving you a very different account of the events that occurred today from what you and I know to be true. As hard as it may be, on the surface, you must appear to accept their explanation of events. If you argue and claim that Slytherin was responsible, they will perform a memory altering charm on you."
Oh well, even the Ministry is evuler than Voldemort now. Doris was bent over in her chair, her tear stained face hidden by her hands, but she nodded her understanding. "Doris, do you know what a Pensive is?" Harry asked. Again she nodded her head. "It's extremely important that you retain the truthful memory of what has occurred. Likewise, it is imperative that we learn all the pertinent details so that we can protect you and help others. At this time I feel that questioning you would be extremely stressful for you and cruel on my part. Would you be willing to place your memories of all events leading up to today's dreadful occurrence in a Pensive so that the Headmaster and I can visit those recollections?" Doris solemnly nodded her head as Severus stood and headed toward a locked cabinet. "I regret having to say this, but I don't trust our governing body and I prefer that you not be alone with any ministry officials," Harry commented. "Would you mind if Hermione stayed with you? "I don't want to be alone," Doris sniveled. "Is there anyone we should contact to help you make arrangements?" Hermione asked.
I know this is supposed to be a very dramatic scene, but damn, is the dialogue here stilted! "I have no close relatives," Doris sighed. "Do you think Jamie would be willing to help?" "I'm most sure she would, so we have more converts in our naturist cult" Hermione answered. "If you feel up to it, I believe the Headmaster is ready to show you how to use the Pensive.
* * * * *
Cut for Harry and Snape preparing to enter the pensieve.
Also, several sections of their pensieve trip will remain unsporked.
The two men leaned over the shallow stone basin with its carvings of runes and other symbols; both seemed entranced by the basin's silvery contents. "Together then," Snape said, and he and Harry both reached out to touch the material in the basin. Why did this sound like something straight out of a Snarry fic? Snape's office gave a massive lurch Why did I first read this as "lunch"? and Harry and the headmaster were both thrown forward and pitched headfirst into the substance inside the basin. The professors found themselves standing in the Great Hall next to the Slytherin House table. It was breakfast and the owls were just arriving with the morning mail. Harry watched as an owl landed in front of Doris, nearly knocking over her cereal bowl. The girl hastened to detach a letter attached to the owl's leg and then gave the owl a treat, before it flew off. This is actually one of the few times we get descriptions of actions that actually seem natural. Doris for a moment stared tentatively at the envelope, and then opened it hurriedly. Harry and Severus quickly took positions behind Doris so that they could read the letter along with her.
Darling Doris, I wish it were possible for me to be with you today, instead of writing, because what I have to say is so difficult to put in a letter. Yet it is imperative that you be informed of the present situation as soon as possible. The past has come back to haunt your father and I once again. We were so young and foolish when we joined the ranks of the Dark Lord. At the time, his beliefs were similar to ours, but we had no idea the horrible lengths to which he was willing to go to achieve his goals. We both learned from our mistakes, but it seems they insist on haunting us. Theodore Nott just visited us. His father was a Death Eater, one of the worst. He took great pleasure in torturing and killing. His son seems to be following in his late father's footsteps.
I just had to check if Theodore is a canon character, and he indeed is, albeit a minor. It also seems that his father was also a rather minor caracter too. Nott informed us that our greatest fear is true. Salazar Slytherin has indeed been restored. Furthermore his goal, once he assembles a following, is to take charge of the wizarding world. Slytherin is offering a simple choice, accept him and live in eternal servitude or die. Being a pureblood will offer no protection against his wrath.
"See? He is worse than Voldemort!" Nott and others are approaching former Death Eaters and their grown children offering them the opportunity to serve Lord Slytherin. To accept is to commit to a lifetime of misery. To refuse is the same as signing your death warrant. Your father and I refused. They have already threatened your life and undoubtedly won't hesitate to hurt Hillary either. We must leave the country at once. I know this is upsetting, but we have little choice. Please keep this letter confidential and be prepared to depart school with little notice. I'm sorry! Love, Mother
Doris angrily crumbled up the letter and then without warning jumped to her feet. Harry and Severus needlessly scampered to get out of her way. "Do you think we should follow her?" Snape asked.
How else are they supposed to get the information they need? Exposed!Snape is a moron. "Yes," Harry replied. "The memory thread hasn't ended. I want to see her complete reaction." Harry and Severus hurried after Doris as she scurried out of the Great Hall, trying to conceal her tears. She literally ran down the corridor before entering a room on her right. "You're not proposing we follow her in there are you?" Snape asked, scandalized. He pointed nervously to a sign on the door that read 'GIRLS'."
Because even if the fate of both the Wizard World and the Muggle World is at stake, this is so important to respect. "I don't think she's going in there to relieve herself," Harry answered, walking through the door in a ghostlike fashion, an ashen-faced Severus following apprehensively. Doris performed a locking charm on the door and then checked all the stalls to be positive the room was empty. Once certain she was alone, she flung the letter with anger into a sink and then pointing her wand said, "Incendio!" The letter immediately burst into flames. Doris watched through watery eyes until nothing remained but ashes, then she turned the faucet on and washed the vestiges down the drain. She sank to the floor and burst into tears. As Harry looked to Severus, Doris' sobs died away. The lavatory was dissolving as though it were made of smoke; everything was fading; he could see his own body and Snape's - all else was swirling darkness.... Gradually another room appeared around them. Harry looked about him and saw five four-poster beds. Then he saw Doris sitting at a desk, apparently just finishing a letter. "Harry! We're in the seventh year Slytherin girls' dorm," Severus shouted. "We shouldn't be in here."
Yes, Severus, the privacy of the female students is more important than getting intel to stop Salazar Slytherin. The last word had just departed his lips when the door opened and a girl entered. She appeared to be wearing nothing but a towel. "Harry, we should leave immediately," Severus said anxiously. "This just isn't appropriate."
Severus, be glad she´s at least wearing a towel. This is Hogwarts Exposed, after all, so nothing is a given. "We will," Harry said, undecidedly. "It's important that we see what Doris wrote to her mother though. I'm fond of the girl; I want to trust her and help her. That letter is the key to just how far we can allow our faith in her to go." "Are you writing a book?" Marilyn asked. "You started that letter long before I began my shower."
I don´t think we ever got an introduction to Marilyn, yet thats the name of the girl who just got out of the shower.
Not to mention, I don´t think we ever actually meet Marilyn again once this scene is over.
So her not!introduction was completely pointless.
Also, I´m gonna imagine her like this:
"It's not that the letter is that long," Doris answered. "I just have to be careful how I word things." "Oh! A 'dear John' letter," Marilyn wrongly guessed. "If he's good looking, send my picture along. I'm in between boyfriends at the moment."
Because boys is all girls think about in the world of Hogwarts Exposed. Severus turned toward Marilyn, shaking his head at her comment. Snape, you´re not any better in this saga. She picked just that moment to discard her towel. This is Hogwarts Expose, after all. He quickly turned his head away, but not before seeing more than a Headmaster should.
Of course. "Harry! Please! We shouldn't be here," Severus implored. "I'll never be able to look at Miss Monroe again without feeling guilty and immoral."
B O N K
Also, there is a Slytherin student literally called Marilyn Monroe in this fic. Seriously? "I know," he agreed, "but you have to read this before we leave."
Dear Mum and Dad, "Before I say anything else, it's imperative that you know one thing. I love you both. I always have and I always will. Nothing could ever change that.
Does this sound like something a teenager in the mid-2000s would write? As far as making mistakes and doing stupid things goes, I can most certainly relate to that. I wasted six years at Hogwarts avoiding and shunning anyone that was not a pureblood. Only within the last year were my eyes opened to the fact that it is the person that is important, not their lineage.
So, this has been said earlier in the two first fics, but damn, the whole portayal of Neo Slytherin is really inconsistent.
On one hand, it is stated that they want to leave their previous association with Voldemort and the Death Eaters behind, yet then they let people like Dick the Dick run rather bizarre initiation ceremonies.
And then we have Doris, who was never portrayed in any negative light, portrayed as "I avoided people wo were not pureblood", despite not having had any indication of this before this chapter. I love you; I don't want anything to happen to either of you or to Hillary. You guys are my world, but I'm not running away with you. Leaving would be the easy choice, but staying and fighting for what I believe is the right choice. I'm not going to be someone's slave and I'm not going to stand by and watch good people be killed. I'm staying and I'm fighting. If I die, which I probably will, I'll die fighting alongside my friends for a better world, a world free of hatred and bigotry. I want my sister to come to a different Hogwarts, a united Hogwarts, and a Hogwarts where petty house bitterness no longer exists. I pray that by the time she is a first year, the threat of Slytherin will have been eliminated and that we can all be a family once again. I love you! Doris
As the image of Doris faded, Harry felt himself rising into the air, Severus at his side. Soon all was blackness, and then he felt as though he were doing a slow-motion somersault, finally landing flat on his feet back in Snape's sunlit office. Severus Snape was standing beside him, a perplexed look on his face. "You don't think Slytherin will approach you in regards to supporting him, do you?" Harry asked. Concern was evident on his face. "I seriously doubt that," Severus said, forcing a weak smile. "Slytherin seems to be mainly attracted to past supporters of Voldemort and their descendants. I seriously doubt that he'd want a retired old spy, who was instrumental in bringing about Voldemort's final defeat, as a member of his legion."
I love how we never actually hear how Snape helped to bring down Voldemort in this fic, and no, I´m not going to read the fanfic he took his defeat of Voldemort from. Harry studied the headmaster's expression momentarily. "Then your chief concern is that he might try to draft some seventh years that are about to graduate, especially those with ties to former death eaters."
What do you think?
At first Harry just stared at Snape. The staff? Then his brain finally shifted into gear. "Draco!"
Dun dun duuuuun.
Cut for a boring scene with Emily and Kim where they discuss the fact that Emily is going to the Yule Ball with a pedofile.
I will leave this section here though:
"Don't you consider that double standards?" Emily asked. "You were just defending and feeling sorry for Tyler because I gave him a douse of 'blue balls', but if Roger gets a stiffy looking at me, he's a pervert."
Oh G-d, Emily, do you know how dumb this sounds? And yes, he is a pervert - just like the Suethor.
"No, he's not a pervert if he gets slightly aroused looking at you," Kim clarified. "He's human and you're attractively appealing. He's only a pervert if he keeps looking and takes actions on his desires."
I can hear Neil trying to use Kim as a mouthpiece to make himself feel better.
"In that case you are prejudging him," Emily affirmed. "Roger has never touched me or even said anything out of line. Yet. He's always been a perfect gentleman around me. You should read his response to me. He was absolutely thrilled that I asked him. Of course he was. Roger is so happy in fact, that he offered to buy me a dress for the occasion; not just any dress, but an original from the House of Gayee in Paris. Yes. "House of Gayee" is a thing here that is supposed to be taken serious, and just when you thought it was one thing that they created the skimpy stripper outfits for the teams for the games, yes, they also make skimpy ball dresses! I had to send them a whole bunch of measurement since I can't go for a fitting. He even wanted my shoe size."
This is creepy.
"Maybe, I'm judging him wrong," Kim admitted. "Originals from a Paris fashion house can be very pricey; he must genuinely like you. It was wrong of me to prejudge and categorize him." Kim thought for a while. "I can't remember where, but I think I've heard of the House of Gayee."
Kim, they´re the ones who made the skimpy outfits you have to wear for the games, and no, just because he spends a fortune on gifts for her doesnt make him any less of a pervert.
Cut for a boring scene of Ron and Sam where Ron angsts about Ginnys pregnancy.
We then cut to Hermione and Harry in bed:
It was never planned, but Harry and Hermione had drifted into a regular routine. They went to bed early each evening so that they could cuddle in each other's arms as they updated each other on the events of the day. Then before going to sleep they would always make love. B O N K It had become so much a part of their lives that now neither could envision being able to sleep without first giving pleasure to the other. Tonight might be an exception.
Oh no!
"How did it go this afternoon?" Harry asked. "Did you get all the interment arrangements made?"
"Yes," Hermione answered sadly. "It was tough on all of us. Obviously for Doris, but it also brought back depressing memories for both Jamie and I. I dread the actual burials."
"What about her sister's remains?" Harry inquired. "Has a decision been reached on how best to give her a proper burial?"
Hermione nodded her head, and then closed her eyes. She rubbed her forehead as if in pain. "Hillary should be buried in the family plot next to her parents," Hermione said, sadly. "But since the ministry is feigning that she has been kidnapped, that's impossible. Severus has suggested that she be buried initially in the Hogwarts cemetery and later, when appropriate, be moved."
Ah yeah, the cemetery for the victims of the final battle from the fic Neil stole from.
Hermione started to cry. "Doris wants to see the .... Oh! Harry! She wants to see the head before we bury it. She says that she has to know it's really Hillary and not just a twig."
Well...she has to be sure.
"I wouldn't be willing to take anyone else's word either," Harry, said glumly. "Maybe she should see first hand the horrors that Slytherin and his henchmen are capable of committing."
I think she pretty much already knows.
"Harry, she's just a young girl," Hermione begged.
"Not anymore," Harry disagreed. "Slytherin has taken away what remained of her youth. I'm afraid that before this war ends many children will be robbed of their youth. I'm going to recommend that Doris be accepted into the Order of the Phoenix,"
Because, reasons.
"But she is so young and still in school," Hermione argued.
"Her sister was just a child. That didn't stop those bastards from killing her," Harry retorted. "Unlike the war with Voldemort, this war won't have a neutral ground; Slytherin has already made that clear. When asked, you either join him, thus entering enter a life of eternal servitude, or you die. The day Doris graduates, she's going to be given that choice."
"Isn't there something we can do to protect her?" Hermione asked.
"Very little!" Harry answered. "Once students leave the protection of Hogwarts, they are basically on their own. Doris won't be the only one facing this choice. At first, it may only be students whose parents once showed allegiance to Voldemort, but in time, as Slytherin's legions increase, I'm sure all graduating students will be approached."
"Sick, but ingenious," Hermione commented. "If the child joins, Slytherin has a foothold into getting the entire family. If the child refuses, he kills them, thereby giving the family a warning of what will happen if they don't submit to him."
This has also been stated by other sporkers, but needs to be said again:
Why would Salazar go with unwilling followers?
"Harry! He could win without a war ever actually taking place," Hermione said, trepidation evident in her voice.
This is stupid.
"Exactly!" Harry declared, a bitter taste lingering in his mouth. "Worse, the Ministry is actually helping him by hiding the truth from the public. The more atrocities they hide, the stronger he will become."
"Since all of Fudge's decrees were abolished, the Ministry has no say in what takes place at Hogwarts; perhaps the curriculum should be adjusted to better prepare the older students for the contingency," Hermione suggested.
"Severus and I discussed that earlier today," Harry enlightened Hermione. "We want to make changes in the program, but at the same time we don't want to train those that may one day be fighting against us. Remember how we anguished over who to allow in the D.A."
Ah yes, reminiscing about a fifth year where they simultaneously trained in secret while fearing Draco and co following them while simultaneously hanging out with him on the side.
See, this is why it makes no sense to base this both on canon AND fanfiction at the same time!
Hermione nodded her head. "Not all Slytherins are bad and not all Gryffindors are good. The same holds true for the other houses. How are you and Severus going to determine who is friend and who is foe?"
Certainly everyone disliking the Sues is evil.
"Unfortunately, we can't be one hundred percent sure," Harry said. "Even Dumbledore made mistakes; he allowed Peter Pettigrew to become a member of the Order. The plans are to increase defensive training for all students. If we are confident of a student's allegiance, for example Jamie and Alex, they will be offered membership in the Order."
Of course would Jamie Sue and her BoyToy be allowed.
Hermione seemed slightly relieved. "I take it then that you are only considering select seventh years for induction into the Order?"
"For the most part," Harry agreed, "but exceptions will be made. Caitlin and Emily should be allowed to join. After all, they're part of the Prophecy."
Of course the younger Sues would be allowed too.
"My god, Harry! Have you lost all priority?" Hermione cried. "They're just little girls."
I´m surprised that Hermione reacts this way tbh.
"Little girls, I might remind you, who have already suffered once in the clutches of evil. I refuse to treat them the way Dumbledore treated me. I will not keep them in the dark for years like he did me. If we are to defeat Slytherin, it will only be with their help. They deserve to be familiar with what actions the Order of the Phoenix is taking."
You know, the way Harry talks of Dumbledore here really borders on the stereotypical "Evil Dumbledore" plot found in several fanfictions of that era.
"What about Draco and Ginny?" Hermione asked heatedly. "They're a part of the Prophecy and they're also adults. If you're so eager to add members to the order, why haven't they been asked to join?"
Harry's face turned somber. "Severus and I are concerned that Draco might have already joined the other side," he answered dejectedly.
Considering how obvious that Exposed!Draco is a copy of Trilogy!Draco, it´s rather obvious he won´t join Slytherin.
Anyway, they then talk about talking to Draco about it, and then...
"Wait, I'll go with you," Harry called. "Let me take a moment to check the Marauders' Map. We don't want to barge in on Draco and Ginny doing anything kinky. Besides, don't you think you should slip some clothing on before going any place?"
Exposed!Hogwarts, everybody!
Hermione blushed, but instead of immediately grabbing her robes This is a very important detail! she followed Harry to check the map.
"How close are the dots?" Hermione asked.
"Not close at all," he answered. "Ginny is in their quarters, but Draco appears to be at the top of the Astronomy Tower."
"The Astronomy tower?" Hermione repeated questioningly. "Draco's never had any interest in the stars, besides it's still raining."
I love how they immediately assume it´s for something evil.
Harry looked at the map, a horrified expression on his face. "Draco's dot just moved from the middle of the tower to the extreme edge. You don't think he could possibly be considering jumping, do you?"
Harry looked up, waiting for Hermione's answer, but all he saw was her bare arse streaking out the door of their quarters.
Yes. This is what happens in Hogwarts Exposed.
End of chapter fourteen
Finally, this chapter is over. I dreaded doing this chapter for a long time because how boring it is and the whole pensieve thing is the only noteworthy in it, but at some point, the sporking had to resume.
Anyway, that´s all for today.
Strange to think it´s already 10 years since the first time I read the sporkings.
#Hogwarts Exposed#Hogwarts Overexposed#Hogwarts Exposed sporking#sporking#Harry Potter#Hermione Granger#Jamie Zacherley#Caitlin Garrison#Emily Zacherley#Kim Thatcher#bad fanfiction#harmonian fic#Neil#Rose Potter#Salazar Slytherin#Severus Snape
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Tina Turner eating breakfast with friends at the Four Seasons Hotel George V, Paris, January 1971.
Photos by Patrice Habans for Paris Match
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Hogwarts Overexposed Chapter 13: Day of Reckoning
Hello everybody, it´s been a little while since the last sporking, but here we are. And I hope to get through this chapter in one setting.
As a preparation, since the last chapters sporking, I read ahead the chapters after chapter 12, and believe, reading these unsporked was really a test of patience.
I might as well add that there will be large sections of this chapter I will leave unsporked, as it really is so stupid one has to read it to believe.
"Harry, I feel as if we've failed the girls," Hermione said, her melancholy mood apparent in her voice.
"I know, but we've done everything within our power," he said, caressing her absentmindedly.
"But it wasn't enough. The girls still have to spend the next eight months parading about appearing to be dressed in those appalling costumes. How could Severus agree to Hogwarts participating in this debacle? What was he thinking?" she asked.
"I wouldn't be too hard on Severus," Harry replied. "His intentions were honorable. All the reports he received concerning previous games were positive. When Minister Wrong approached him last year concerning Hogwarts competing against the Americans, he only visualized positive results from the meeting. Like us, he was not aware that greed had tarnished the games and turned them into an adolescent peek show."
And this, Ladies and Gentlemen, is the last ever time Emma Wrong is mentioned, and it is mentioned in a way that is so nonchalant and without any mentions of her running an empire of terror attacks, abductions and nipple eating.
"When did we catch up with and pass the Muggles?" Hermione asked. "I always thought the magical world was rather prudish and behind the times and now this happens. Even in the most liberal of Muggle schools, students would never be allowed to parade around in such outfits, let alone be forced to do so."
Hermione, you´re in Hogwarts Exposed.
"It isn't our world or the schools that are to blame, it is government corruption and the greed of individuals like Simone," Harry insisted. "I'm not at all happy with the situation, but for now I'm afraid the best we can do is prevent it from escalating. The concealment charm is going to frustrate Rishard to no end. He's looking forward to the girls, especially Jamie, putting on a revealingly good show."
The social commentary is truly subtle.
And the way Harry talks of Jamie giving a "revealingly good show" is rather creepy as well.
Hermione nodded her head in agreement to Harry's comments, but they had done little to abate her frustration. "Even without any accidents, I feel like he's still winning. The vision of the girls in those costumes alone is enough to cause most men to puff up; their various parts popping out was just an added bonus."
"At least the girls should be able to cope with the situation," said Harry, sighing deeply. "They might not be happy with the sexually explicit nature of the costumes, but being nudists, they aren't ashamed for their various body parts to be seen. I can't imagine how Nora and the boys will react. Nora, especially; she is so shy and modest."
Don´t worry, Harry, Nora is gonna be brainwashed into accepting the dogma of naturism soon enough.
"I suggested to Jamie that she should try to convince the others to also use the charm, but I doubt that she'll have much success. The boys will likely be thrilled about the girls being nude, but I doubt they'll be willing to follow suit. Then, like you said, there is poor Nora. I doubt she'll have the courage to even leave her dormitory tomorrow."
"Hermione, what would you do?" Harry asked. "I mean under the same circumstances, would you wear the costume or go naked with only the charm?"
Hermione thought for a while. "That depends on what period in my life we're talking about. Now, I wouldn't hesitate in the slightest to use the charm; I'd have absolutely no problem with my teammates seeing me nude. However, back when I was a young girl in school, it would be a completely different question because I was an entirely different person. As a first and second year, I would definitely have opted for the costume. I can't picture me letting anyone see me nude, even though there wasn't anything much really to see. Even as a third, fourth and fifth year my body still wasn't exactly bursting forth. I would have probably still taken my chances with the costume rather than have anyone see me totally naked."
Does this sound like something the actual canon Hermione would ever say?
Hermione blushed. "In my sixth and seventh year, my breasts would have never been content to stay confined in that costume. I would have had to use the charm out of necessity although I would have died of embarrassment being naked unless you and Ron were my teammates. We were such good friends that I don't think I would have been nearly as embarrassed to be seen by either of you."
Such natural sounding dialogue. I´m so stunned.
Hermione laughed. "Maybe I should have let you guys see me naked in second or third year," she said. "Then at least it would have been evident to you that your one mate was a girl."
"That was Ron," Harry said defensively. "I always knew you were a girl. I just never realized that you were the girl I was destined to love. Speaking of which. You're upset tonight. Would you rather we forgo our normal pleasure?"
B O N K
"Harry, I don't think I could sleep a wink if we didn't make love. Being joined with you, as one, completes my day." Hermione paused. "There is something else we must discuss first, however. What are we going to do about Emily?"
"I don't feel anything needs to be done," Harry said, acting in Emily's defense. "Sure, she's more irrational than the other girls, but her heart is in the right place. Emily's a good girl."
Show, don´t tell.
Emily is by far the worst behaving of all the Sues, and yet Neil wants us to believe that she´s a good girl.
I hate her.
"I wasn't talking about punishing her," Hermione clarified. "I'd prefer she let it out rather than hiding her true emotions and feelings. I was more concerned with the concealment charm. Emily, as you well know, is the radical nudist in this family. Since she was taught the charm, not a week has gone by that she hasn't asked about the possibility of her using it instead of wearing clothes to attend classes. Now Caitlin, Jamie and Kim are about to do it, not for a day, but for eight months. Emily didn't make the team with them and now they are about to do something she's been begging to do for what seems like forever."
"Are you suggesting that we also let her use the charm?"
Well, of course!
Is anyone really surprised at this point?
Hermione nodded her head, a guilty expression on her face. "Harry, I must be the worst mother in the world. Yes, you are! Tomorrow morning I intend to send my two young daughters, their best friend and Jamie off to classes, all totally starkers." "Then I'm the world's worst father because I back your decision one hundred percent," Harry said. "But they won't actually be naked. They'll have on their socks and trainers."
OMG DATS LIKE SO FUNNY OMG OMG Hermione stared at Harry momentarily, and then broke into laughter. "Men," she said, before nestling back in his arms.
* * * * * *
Tuesday, November 1, 2005 "Girls, hurry!" Hermione yelled. "You're not going to have time for breakfast if you don't get a move on." "I think I've lost my appetite," Kim said, as she led the other girls into the room. "This is going to be harder than going nude on the cruise was."
Oh, the conflict! Can´t you feel the suspense in this scene? "You'll be fine," Hermione lied as she inspected the girls. The short walk from the bedroom to the sitting room had been enough to cause Jamie's breasts to burst out of her top. Kim's slit looked like it was trying to devour her tiny triangular bottom. Only Caitlin remained at least minimally covered.
This whole "Caitlin has flat breasts" gag is both really annoying, cringe and reeks of unfortunate implications. Harry and Hermione exchanged perplexed looks. "Is this going to work?" Harry asked, as he held a sleeping Ben. "Doesn't the charm simply replace the clothing? What is going to prevent their goodies from still popping out?"
Harry, you calling them "goodies" makes you seem like a pervert. "The difference is that unlike an article of clothing, the charm isn't actually worn. It is more like a three dimensional projection that appears solid. Clothing can shift position, the projection can't. It will always cover what it initially covered." Hermione paused. "You can even feel as if you are grabbing onto it, but when you pull, nothing happens because there is actually nothing there. You can't touch, rip or tear something that doesn't exist."
How convenient that such spells exist. Occasionally one truly forgets that this is supposed to be a Harry Potter fanfic. "Mum, does that mean that it can't get wet or dirty?" Caitlin asked. "Exactly! If you fell in mud, your body would be covered from head to foot. The charmed article would appear completely clean, while in reality you would be covered in mud underneath it. Now, what we want to do is have each of you adjust your costume before I perform the charm on you. You want to cover your breasts on the side as best as you can and also make sure that the triangular patch at your crotch is smooth and covering as much as possible.
The latter part is where I´m asking - why all these details?
Though it´s rather obvious why. "So then once they are covered with the charm, they can't get a camel toe or expose a nipple?" Harry asked.
Well, considering how Madam Hooch is out of the way now, I doubt they need to be afraid of her showing up and attempting to eat their nipples. "No, no accidents," Hermione said, "but unfortunately that still leaves an awful lot exposed."
One might even say Overexposed, am I right? "An awful lot!" Harry repeated, wondering what his reaction would have been at 15 seeing Hermione, Cho or Parvati in a costume such as this. B O N K Suddenly he was having second thoughts about the girls leaving the sanctuary of their quarters. "They're required to go about their normal activities," Hermione said, as if reading Harry's mind. "We have no choice." Harry and Emily stood watching as Hermione did the charm on each girl individually and then as they in turn slipped out of their costume.
I still find it baffling how the main conflict and actual plot of this fic is angsting about these stripperific outfits and that the main villain is a flamboyant camp gay stereotype. They all appeared to be still dressed, but Emily knew from personal experience that they were actually nude. As the girls slipped on their socks and trainers, Hermione gave some additional advice. "I didn't charm the capes because I didn't know whether you wanted to wear them or not. They don't really cover anything; they just draw attention and make you look more ludicrous. Also, be careful how you bend, do a lady-like squat. The front and back of that outfit is only connected by a quarter inch string; it won't hide anything if you bend improperly."
This is the last time the capes are mentioned as part of the outfit, afterwards, they´re never mentioned again.
Like so many other things in this series. Emily had watched, a gloomy expression on her face, as Hermione performed the charm on Jamie, Caitlin and Kim in succession. "I'm afraid that's about all I can do to help you," Hermione said dolefully. "I hope the other students understand. After all, anyone of them could be in your shoes. Speaking of shoes; Emily, quickly slip out of your shoes and socks." "Why?" Emily said staring at her mum questioningly. Then she suddenly realized why. "Are you going to put me under the charm, too?" she asked elatedly. Hermione nodded her head and gave her youngest daughter a weak smile. Emily was euphoric.
I hate Emily.
* * * * * *
"So far, so good," Caitlin said, as they neared the Great Hall. "Caitlin, we used the private stairs from the staff quarters to the Great Hall; no one has even seen you yet," Emily reminded her.
In this fic, you never know though. "I know. I wish we could keep it that way," she said. "I realize this sounds crazy, but I'd prefer if everyone were about to see me nude rather than in this sluttish outfit."
This is going to be a running gag in this fic from now on. "It's not crazy," Jamie assured her. "Kim and I feel the same way." Kim nodded her head. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but let's get this over with." The others agreed as they hurried from the refuge of the tapestry-covered passageway to the Great Hall, bursting with students. As they entered, every eye turned in their direction, but they weren't greeted with the expected wolf whistles or obscene remarks. In fact the relative quiet was unsettling, considering the display they were affording the other students. Quickly, they split. That sounds rather impractical in this fic though. Caitlin and Jamie heading to the Gryffindor table, Emily and Kim to Slytherin. "That went better than I expected," Jamie said as she took a seat next to Amanda. "I thought we'd be greeted with all sorts of obnoxious comments." "That's because Snape chewed out the entire hall just before you got here," Amanda responded.
Yes, the one time Snape shows some spine, it´s off screen! "What happened?" Jamie asked inquiringly. "When the Americans walked in they were given the type of reception I imagine you were expecting. The pretty blonde -- didn't you say her name was Debby? Yes, this one of the few times we get a description -- became quite flustered and actually tripped over her own feet. Brian prevented her from actually falling to the floor, but in the process, both her boobs popped out. The Hall went wild and she's been crying ever since." Jamie glanced toward the Hufflepuff table and saw Debby crying her heart out, her head buried in Brian's chest. "Snape saw the whole thing and literally blew his top," Amanda explained. "He went into a tirade for about ten minutes about how wrong it was that the contenders were forced to wear such provocative costumes and that he was ashamed to be associated with the event. Bottom line is that if anyone treats any contestant with anything but the utmost respect, that person will be packing their bags and leaving Hogwarts."
Oh well. "That should put an end to obscene remarks," Caitlin said, "but I doubt it will have much effect on the lustful stares." "Especially in your case, Jamie. How in the world are you managing to make your breasts behave?" Amanda inquired.
Would you ever have expected to read a sentence like this in what is supposed to be a Harry Potter fanfic? "The concealment charm," Jamie whispered in Amanda's ear. "Caitlin and I are actually sitting here nude."
How lucky that no one outside the table hears it, considerng that everyone around them stares at them. Amanda stared at Jamie in total disbelief, before saying, "May I?" Once she touched Jamie, she just sat there speechless, a confounded expression on her face.
Seriously? "Good morning, everybody," Alex said, giving Jamie a light kiss on the cheek and sliding in next to her. "I wanted to be here before you guys," Alex said apologetically, "but I overslept. I hope you and the others weren't given any grief." Without thinking he laid his hand comfortingly on Jamie's. He had momentarily forgotten about the concealment charm, but in a few seconds he was reminded and quickly removed his hand. "Alex, you're the only one that can see me," Jamie said, reaching for his hand. "I don't want this charm changing anything between us." "It won't," he said, resisting a compelling urge to reach out and touch Jamie's tempting breasts.
So much for nudity being completely nonsexual.
* * * * * *
I have no idea why Neil added a break when it´s not even a scene transition.
"How does it feel to actually finally walk the corridors of Hogwarts nude?" Alex asked. "I know its something you've always wanted to do." "Yes, but not like this," Jamie answered disconsolately. "Although I'm nude, it looks to everyone as if I'm wearing a scandalous outfit. I'd much prefer they see me as I actually am. "Truthfully, I imagine what I really want is a Utopian dream," Jamie continued. "I'd like to live in a world where people just saw me simply as Jamie Zacherley, a world in which I wasn't judged by my clothes or lack of same or by my physical appearance, but rather only by the type of human being I am."
This mega melodramatic monologue just reeks of Ebonys "Why couldnt Satan have made me less beautiful?" speech from My Immortal. "Do you really think the world could ever evolve to the point that people would ignore nude individuals around them?" Alex asked. "No," Jamie answered honestly. "Not unless everyone suddenly started running about starkers and I doubt that is about to happen. For now I'd be happy if people would just stop equating nudity with sex."
Oh well. Alex nodded in agreement. "Oh! Alex!" Jamie cried out. "We have to help her." At first Alex had no idea what Jamie was going on about, and then he saw Nora. She was sitting on the floor in the doorway of an unused classroom. She had her knees pulled up to her chest, her cape pulled tightly around her. The girl was shaking uncontrollably as tears streamed down her face.
Yes, this is the actual first time we actually meet Nora.
While she as an alternate was present in the previous chapter, we still had virtually no introduction to her and she said nothing.
So she was essentially a non-entity.
Without thought, Alex removed his robes and draped them over the emotionally distraught girl. "I'm not allowed to cover myself," she cried, but made no movement to remove the comforting robes. "This is a lot of bull," Alex shouted, "and it's not going on for a minute longer. Jamie, I'm taking Nora to the headmaster's office. I'm going to need the rest of the team. It would help if we had the Americans' support, too. Do you think Professor Granger or Potter could get them?" "Alex, what are you going to do?" Jamie asked.
Jamie, he pretty much already stated it. "That depends on your fellow competitors," Alex answered, as without explanation he picked up Nora in his arms.
How realistic.
* * * * * *
"Professor Snape, what is so urgent that it necessitated my being dragged from my warm bed?" Rishard asked, as he entered the headmaster's office.
"I'm not quite sure myself," Snape responded, frostily. "I did not initiate this get-together; therefore I'm also extremely anxious to learn its purpose. Now that Mr. Simone has arrived, could you kindly explain why we are here Mr. Ward?"
This sounds as if canon!Snape is trying to get out of Exposed!Woobie!Snape. "Yes sir," Alex responded, "but first may I please beg your indulgence as I ask a few questions of those gathered here." "A few questions," Snape agreed, "but be quick about it. This is disrupting the school day."
Wait, they actually go to classes at Exposed!Hogwarts? "These are general questions I'd like to ask of all members of both the American and Hogwarts teams," Alex said. "Please respond by raising your hand when appropriate." "How many of you like the costumes you have been issued to wear for the competition?" Those assembled all watched apprehensively as not one hand was raised. "It doesn't matter whether or not they like the uniforms," Simone shouted huffily. "They have a magical contract."
Which works how?
Do their heads explode when they decide not to wear these costumes? "Yes, we're all well aware of that," Snape replied. "Please allow Mr. Ward to continue his questioning. I would like to see where this is all heading." "How many of you would have not even considered being a part of the competition if you had known before hand that you'd be required to wear such a revealing costume as practically your only clothing for the next eight months?" Alex asked. This time all hands went up.
THE MAIN CONFLICT OF THE FIC EVERYBODY "I'm sorry Severus, but this is a waste of my time," Rishard said haughtily. "Mr. Simone, would you rather waste a few minutes now or a few days later in court?" Alex asked. "What are you going on about boy? Rishard asked angrily. "No barrister would consider taking such a case. Magical contracts can not be broken." "You're wrong," Alex declared. "Legal magical contracts can not be broken. Each of these students is obliged to compete in your tasks, but they are not required to wear your costumes, most certainly not everyday for the next eight months." Rishard shook his head in frustration. "Okay, junior barrister, suppose you tell me just why they don't have to wear the costumes." Alex smiled. "I wanted to be sure, so I stopped and got this book from the library on my way here." He turned to page 169 Get it? and read out loud. "Magical contracts are no different than paper contracts with the exception that there is no printed copy. All the same rules apply. Both parties must be made aware of all the particulars prior to completion of the contract. Noncompliance with items not disclosed will not negate the remainder of the contract." "Very interesting, Mr. Ward," Snape said, "twenty-five points to Gryffindor. This is so in character for Snape. Oy vey. "You might want to consider a job in the legal profession. Mr. Simone, do you still feel that no barrister would consider taking this case?" "This is preposterous, he's just a boy," Simone argued. "Certainly you people can't place any merit in the dribble he's spewing. It has been the authority of the games committee to select participation uniforms for over a thousand years."
"And how long has it been policy to insist that they be worn on a daily basis for eight straight months?" Severus questioned. Rishard hemmed and hawed before saying, "That would be new policy, but it is still part of the magical contract." "Only if disclosed to the participants before they became bond," Severus declared. "I know my students were not aware of your new policy, were you?" Severus directed his eyes to the group of Americans who quickly shook their heads no. "Before returning to your classes, you might want to all slip into something more appropriate for a wizarding school," Snape announced. "You're overstepping your authority, Snape," Rishard warned in his anxious high-pitched voice.
This is the Main Villain, everyone. "I might well be," Severus said. "Sue me if you can find a barrister willing to take the case." Rishard literally shook with anger. "This doesn't change the training or actual competition," Rishard warned. "They must dress as directed for those events."
I have the feeling that if this was set in a more logical setting rather than Bizarro!Dark!Edgy!Potterverse, then I think that if the parents saw their mostly underage children wear these outfits for the events that they immediately would protest and that the events would be cancelled as a consequence to that. "If that indeed proves to be correct, they will," Severus agreed. "Humiliation is always difficult to bear, but rather five days than over two hundred." Severus turned to the assembled students. "Is there anything anyone wants to add?" "Sir, would it be all right if Jamie and I talked with all the contestants for a moment before they went about their business?" Alex asked. "Certainly," Snape said motioning to a corner of the room. Rishard watched suspiciously as everyone gathered around Jamie and Alex. Before Alex could speak, Debby threw her arms around him and kissed him soundly. "I'm sorry," she said looking first at Alex and then toward Jamie. "Brian told me that you were engaged, but I had to kiss him. You cannot imagine how good it will feel to get some clothes on and not be the center of attention for a change."
Oh well, Debby, regarding clothes, I´m afraid to tell you.... "Just don't make a habit of it," Jamie warned before giving Debby a friendly hug. I can´t help but imagine Jamie having a huge slasher smile in this scene and context. "Look, we can't talk here, too much chance of being overheard. Can everyone meet me Friday night at eight o'clock outside the entrance to the Great Hall? It's about these costumes and it's important."
* * * * * *
Cut for a boring scene about Emily and Caitlins relationship dramas, and another boring scene about prom dates.
"You can't imagine how good it feels to wear clothes again," Debby said as she and the other members of the American team approached Jamie and Alex. "I hate that ludicrous outfit. Words can never express my gratitude."
Yes, Debby, and by the end of the fic you will hate clothes alltogether. "Words will have to do," Jamie said with a warning laugh. "You've already exceeded your yearly limit of kissing Alex." Jamie looked around and counted heads. "I think that's everybody then, please follow me," she said. "Where are we going?" Dick bellowed. "And where are Thatcher and Potter?" "I don't want to talk here," Jamie answered. "Kim and Caitlin are preparing a place where we won't be disturbed." "I don't have all night to be traipsing around the castle," Dick complained. "Furthermore, what is Ward doing here? He isn't a member of either team."
Dick is only saying this because the scene needs a contrarian. "He's my boyfriend and he's How hard was it just to write "he is here"? here at my request," Jamie replied. "I might need his help to stick your head in a chamber pot if you don't shut up and stop bellyaching." Debby smiled. She definitely liked Jamie and Alex. Something about them just sparked trust. On the other hand, Bancroft had easily won her disdain.
Like other sporkers have noted in this scene, it would have been way more interesting if Debby found herself more drawn to Bancroft than the way too perfect Jamie Sue. Jamie looked about nervously as the group followed her and Alex as they made their way toward the seventh floor. "Harry offered me his map," Jamie whispered to Alex, "but I was fearful someone else might see it."
And then this is promptly forgotten about. "I don't imagine it's necessary to name names," Alex said squeezing her hand. "I'm disappointed," he moaned. "Your robes are real."
Alex, you pervert!
"Yes, but what's under them isn't. That's another reason I wanted you with me." "Why are you bringing us up to the seventh floor?" Bancroft complained. "There's nothing up here." "Do you call that nothing?" Jamie asked, as they approached a highly polished door with a brass handle. Alex seized the handle, pulled open the door, and led the way in. The room was spacious, and illuminated with flickering torches. The walls were lined with wooden bookcases containing every manner of law book imaginable. How convenient. There were also seventeen extremely comfortable chairs. "I've been on this floor numerous times before and I've never seen this room," Dick complained. "Maybe you weren't looking for it," Caitlin said with a chuckle.
OMG THIS IS SO FUNNY LOOK HOW SMART CAITLIN IS LETS ALL CLAP FOR HER "If everyone will please take a seat, I'd like to get started," Jamie said. Caitlin and Kim remained standing uneasily on either side of Jamie as the others all were seated. "Prior to you getting started, may I ask why the three of you are wearing robes inside on a Friday evening?" Jeff questioned. "What we want to talk about tonight involves a little show and tell," But mostly tell! Jamie explained. "Bear with me and you'll understand in a few minutes. "First I'd like to properly introduce Alex Ward, my wonderful boyfriend, who found the flaw in the contract that allowed us to get out of wearing those hideous costumes nearly every waking moment for the next eight months." Everyone applauded and either kissed Alex or patted him on the back. Surprisingly even Dick Bancroft shook Alex's hand and murmured what sounded like, thanks mate. "Unfortunately, thus far, Alex hasn't found any loophole that will get us out of wearing those atrocities for training or the actual contests," Jamie remarked. "I don't understand," said Nora nervously. "What is the difference?" "Tradition and over a thousand years of precedence," Jamie answered. "Having us wear his awful costumes on a daily basis was Simone's original idea. The concept was totally new to wizard competition and therefore needed to be explained in full before it could become part of the magical contract. It not only wasn't explained, but it wasn't even revealed, therefore it can't be part of the contract."
As was clearly stated earlier that day.
Why is this repeated again if we all already know? "I'm confused," Jeff admitted. "If the costumes are considered to be indecent for us to wear daily, why is it okay for us to wear them for training and in the actual events?" "You've jumped to an erroneous conclusion," Alex interjected. It´s not an interjection when he´s answering the question, Suethor! "The fact that you don't have to wear the outfits on a daily basis has nothing to do with whether they are indecent or not. You don't have to wear them because being required to do so on a daily basis was a change from tradition that was not properly explained before the magical contract was initiated." "You mean that we still have to wear them for training and the actual competition?" Nora asked, devastated. "They're still ghastly and indecent." "That, they are," Jamie agreed, "but unfortunately it has been traditional for event holders to issue uniforms for the games. It was not necessary for this to be explained to us because it has been the accepted policy since the origin of the games." "But certainly not such revealing outfits," Nora pleaded. Alex nodded his head. "I was hoping that we could use that against Rishard, but it seems history is on his side. For a period of over two hundred years, wizards and witches actually competed in the same attire as the original Muggle Olympians." "Didn't those dudes contend starkers?" Brian questioned. "Exactly," Alex answered. "I'm sure Rishard has pointed this out on numerous occasions to those opposing him." "Let me get this straight," Bancroft fumed. "We don't have to wear mini Speedos on a daily basis, but we do have to wear them for the two training sessions and the three actual events when the entire wizarding world will be watching. I was expecting good news. Why are you wasting our time if you don't have any worthwhile to tell us?" "We do have something meaningful to say," Jamie responded. "I'm sorry, I wish we had a way of getting us all out of wearing Rishard's debauched creations, but we don't. We do, however, have a way of preventing body parts from popping out while participating." Jamie removed her robes; Caitlin and Kim followed suit. Kim's face glowed a bright pink as all the competitors from both teams stared at the trio.
This is so dumb.
"The way you're staring at us now, is exactly the way the spectators will be looking at all of us during the competition," Jamie said, disgust evident in her voice. "But as provocative and revealing as these costumes might be on their own, Rishard is expecting us to deliver much more to his audience. He is counting on us to have numerous 'accidents' throughout the course of the contests."
Jamie looked pointedly at Bancroft. "And it's not just boobs that he's hoping will pop out. He wants both male and female privates on display, too." For the next few minutes, members of the American team related stories of the numerous embarrassing moments they had endured during the US competition wearing a less revealing costume than now required. After Debby finished telling the story of how she had spent ten agonizing minutes as part of a human ladder with her vagina completely exposed, everyone sat in silence for a few moments.
That does sound rather unpleasant.
But still strange how no one dared to bring this up while still in the US. Debby looked intently at Jamie, tears filling her eyes. "These contests are going to be seen world wide on wizard cam. I don't want my pussy bared to the entire wizarding world." "We have a way out," Jamie said hesitantly. "It has its draw backs, but it's better than the alternative." Jamie gave Caitlin and Kim a smile. "Are you ready?" Both girls gave Jamie a nervous smile as she began counting. First the three girls did ten toe touches. They followed this with ten sit ups, ten pushups and ten jumping jacks. To finish everything off, Caitlin did a handstand with a full split.
This whole plot is so ridicculous. Everyone watched with amazement, particularly the Americans. "How did you do that?" Brian asked, looking totally flabbergasted. "Wearing those outfits, your breasts should be exposed." He stared at the spot where Caitlin's legs met. "You don't even have a hint of a camel toe. I hate this fic. By rights you should be totally showing off." Debby and the remainder Not balance? of the American team nodded their heads in agreement. "It's impossible. How did you manage to stay in your uniforms?" Debby asked. Jamie took a deep breath. "It was easy," she said. "You see, we aren't really wearing Rishard's costumes. We are covered with a concealment charm. In reality, except for our trainers and socks, we're nude." "What do you take us for?" Bancroft yelled. "Do you actually expect us to believe that blarney?"
Why would a pureblood wizard like him be surprised over that a spell like that exists?
Oh, I forgot - this scene needs a contrarian! "In your case, I'm surprised that you've accepted the principle that the world is round," Jamie said, frustration evident in her voice. She reached out her arm. "Touch my hand." Alex cringed as Dick Bancroft reached out and touched Jamie's hand. Bancroft barely made contact when his mouth open and his chin dropped. He didn't speak, but he did seem on the verge of drooling. Jamie withdrew her hand, but Dick's eyes remained fixed on her body.
This isnt the first time where we have seen Dick gushing over Jamies oh so hot body.
Despite all these scenes, nothing ever comes of it.
Strangely enough, Jamie and Dick actually have more of a dynamic and even somewhat of a chemistry than Jamie has with Alex, who we still essentially know nothing about. "I don't understand how you can consider being nude better than wearing that depraved costume. Either way your private parts are seen," Nora pleaded. "It's extremely different," Debby said. "One way, you're exposed to the entire world. I expect that my pictures will float about on the Muggle Internet How strange how she suddenly mentions the Muggle Internet, considering that they before and after this scene keep mentioning the Wizard Net. for the rest of my life. The other way, you might be seen totally nude, but only by a few people that you intimately trust." Her eyes rested on Brian. "Jamie, would you please teach me that charm?" "I'm in too," said Brian. A couple of the other Americans also agreed, but one girl and the other three boys declined. None of the Hogwarts competitors seemed willing to take the plunge. "Why can't we wear both the costume and the charm?" Nora asked. "We thought about that but it causes numerous problems. The charm is meant to hide flesh, so parts of the real costume sometimes stick out from under the charm. Plus if the actual costume becomes out of place, which it will, there is no way to adjust it. We need to be careful that Rishard doesn't catch on to what we're doing.
I said it before, but my G-d is this plot ridicculous!
So an ancient dark lord returns from the death, and yet this is supposed to be the main conflict of the fic?! "If there are no other questions, I'm willing to show anyone that's interested how to apply the charm." After Jamie had showed the interested Americans how to use the charm, the students separated into teams so that members could become accustomed to seeing their teammates nude.
This is part of the cultish brainwashing for the wonders of naturism.
* * * * * *
Saturday, November 5, 2005 "What do you think practice will be like?" Caitlin asked Jamie as they both nervously nibbled I almost read that as Nipples! at their breakfast. "I've no idea," she said. "I'm just glad that Harry is going to coach and be present at the training sessions. That Rishard is creepy; he makes me uneasy." "I don't like him either. He's most definitely a pervert," Caitlin declared. "Although he seems more interested in watching the boys than he does the girls."
Which in Neils eyes makes him even more evil. "Yeah! His only interest in us is that we expose ourselves enough to satisfy his paying clientele," Jamie replied. "I heard that these training sessions are even open to the public. I wish Nora and the guys had decided to use the charm." "Especially Nora," Caitlin said. "She's so shy. I'm afraid she'll be a basket case before the day is over. She must be assimilated!" Jamie nodded her head in agreement. "You don't mind if I come watch the practice, do you?" Alex said placing a hand on both Jamie and Caitlin's shoulders. "I kind of want to keep an eye on Bancroft." "We'd be disappointed if you didn't come," Jamie answered candidly. "Okay, see you in a bit then," Alex said, leaning down and kissing both girls on the cheek before starting away. "Wait up," Jamie shouted. "We're done eating. You can escort us both down to the Quidditch Pitch." "Now that's an offer I can't refuse," Alex said gleefully. "It's not often I get to escort the two prettiest girls in Hogwarts." He put an arm around each girl's waist. "Do you realize how envious all the other guys are right now and they can't even see what I can?"
This is clearly Neil speaking through Alex. "Just make sure that hand stays on my waist," Jamie warned. "No grabbing a feel of my butt."
I´m surprised Jamie has any boundaries at all. Caitlin giggled. "You can squeeze mine if you want, Alex. I think it would feel neat."
-_- Jamie, Caitlin and Alex all exchanged impish looks and then burst into laughter.
* * * * * *
Cut for a boring scene with Emily and Tyler.
"Good morning," Rishard said, surveying both groups of players. "You certainly all look divine today."
He glanced at Harry and gave him a wink. "This is our first of two 'Get to Know You' sessions. To be successful in these games you must know your teammates and trust them intimately."
"What we're going to do first is a humorous little ice breaking drill using a simple little beanbag. Would both teams please form circles?"
Harry and Buddy had their teams comply, spacing the members about three meters apart in two separate circles. After the teams were positioned, Rishard handed Harry and Bud each two beanbags and instructed them to hold on to them until later. He then walked over to the team from Salem. He handed Debby a beanbag and then whispered something in her ear.
"I wonder what he told her?" Emily asked.
"I'm not sure," Tyler replied, "but I wouldn't want her looking at me like that."
Debby's face was flushed, but she was staring livid daggers at Mr. Simone.
Rishard next walked over to the Hogwarts contingent and handed a beanbag to Jamie. "My, but doesn't that costume display your attributes nicely," he whispered. "Your tits look like they're just begging to be unleashed."
This sounds like completely natural dialogue.
Jamie just glared at Rishard. She couldn't believe that he was talking to her in such an improper way.
I´m surprised that she is surprised at this point.
"I should warn you," Rishard continued, "that costume might not be able to restrain those beauties of yours, but don't worry. You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of and I'm sure the sight will be greatly appreciated by all those watching."
I don´t know why, but it seems that Neil wants to show that he´s a pervert.
"Now then, each team has a beanbag," Rishard announced loudly. "Introduce yourself to your teammates. Tell something unique about yourself and then toss the bag to the player on your right. Take your time; it is more important you get to know your teammates than it is to rush."
Debby and Jamie both began to speak, but since Tyler and Emily were sitting nearer to the Hogwarts team and could hear them better; they concentrated more on their introductions.
"I'm Jamie Sue Zacherley, a seventh year Gryffindor," Jamie announced. "Most of you are probably by now aware of my uniqueness; I'm a Mary Sue naturist."
Jamie then passed the bag to Caitlin. Each player introduced him or herself and then passed the bag on until it reached Nora who was standing on Jamie's left. Nora had a difficult time reaching for the bag. Her left hand was busy covering her crotch, while she tried to cover her chest with her right arm.
"I'm Nora Jordan, vice president of the Gobstones Club," she said timidly.
No idea what that is.
Mr. Simone had been watching both groups waiting for them to complete their introductions. "Now what I want you to do is call out any teammates name and toss the beanbag to that person. Try to do it as quickly as possible, but make sure your throws are accurate. Begin!"
Nora called Jeff's name and then without moving her arm, made a pathetic one hand toss to the boy on her immediate left.
"She's going to need to loosen up," Alex said to Amanda, who was now sitting with him. "She must be assimilated!"
"That's easier said then done," Amanda answered back. "The poor girl is embarrassed to be seen in public in that outrageous getup and I don't blame her. Worse yet, she's scared stiff to move for fear of becoming even more exposed."
Alex was sympathetic to how Nora felt, but at the same time realized that her inhibition might well eventually be the downfall of the Hogwarts team.
Both teams seemed to be having fun tossing the beanbag about; only a few players had dropped it. After getting their attention, Simone gave Harry and Bud the signal and they both called a name tossing a second beanbag into the circle. After a few more minutes the third bag was added. Nora stood apprehensively; she knew sooner or later one of the bags would come in her direction. She was amazed that no one had thus far thrown to her. Obviously all her teammates, Bancroft included, had decided it was best to avoid throwing to the timorous girl.
Oh well. Seems that someone is trying to take Caitlins title of being the Queen of Angst.
Anyway, we now come to another one of the most infamous scenes of the series:
Then without warning, it happened. Three people called his name at the same time and Bancroft found three beanbags zinging his direction. He leaned to his left, stretched to the right and then jumped skyward. Unbelievably he had caught all three bags. He started to send them off in different directions when Jamie flung her arms around him and held him in a tight embrace.
"What the ...?" Dick started to say.
"Your penis decided it wanted some fresh air," Jamie quickly explained. "I'll keep you shielded while you adjust yourself."
I laughed so hard when I read that the first time.
Jamie held on just long enough for Bancroft to put things back where they belonged, and then she hurried back to her position in the circle. Dick just stared as she walked away. That had almost been worth being exposed.
Or even Overexposed.
"I hope she doesn't have to do anything like that too often during the competition," Amanda said.
"You hope!?" Alex said, his face turning a sickly green. "If she ever has to hug him again, I'm going to end up tossing my breakfast."
"That's enough," Simone said. He was still trying to act jaunty, but disappointment seemed to etch each word.
"I wonder what's wrong with him?" Tyler asked. "He seems disappointed about something."
"He is," Emily responded. "Rishard was expecting a tit show and he's not getting it. So far, at least on the Hogwarts team, Bancroft was the only one to have an accident. I know for a fact that he was hoping for Jamie to be out of her costume more than in it."
"I get it," Tyler said. "Jamie, Caitlin and Kim are wearing the charm too. That's how they are able to jump around without Overexposing themselves."
"Our next getting to know you exercise is called 'Reach Out and Hug Someone'," Simone announced.
Alex just looked at Amanda and shook his head. This wasn't his day.
One of the few times something that is meant to be funny where it actually works.
"For this exercise the groups will once again stand in circles. When your coach yells, 'go' you run across and hug someone. On each 'go' you switch partners and hug someone different until each person has hugged everybody in the group. Yes, I mean everybody," Mr. Simone emphasized as a number of hands had ventured into the air.
When Harry hollered 'go' for the first time, neither Dick Bancroft nor Nora initially moved. Nora was simply afraid to move whereas Bancroft found the whole idea of hugging extremely uncomfortable. Once everyone else had paired, with Harry's encouragement, Dick finally moved toward Nora and only just placed his arms around her.
On the first switch, Bancroft ended up with Caitlin. Caitlin hadn't seemed to mind hugging Jeff, but seemed exceedingly hesitant to put her arms around the Dick.
"I wouldn't want to hug that slime ball either," Emily said, commenting on Caitlin's lack of enthusiasm. Then she remembered that Dick was Tyler's brother. "Sorry! I'm sure he's okay once you get to know him."
Cut for more boring Emily/Tyler stuff.
As the pairings continued to change on the field, so did the arousal level of the Hogwarts male participants. Most of the boys had never experienced seeing a naked girl before the previous night, now they were in turn hugging three of them. Their swelling quickly subsided, however, when the boys began hugging each other.
So it seems none of them are gay.
Finally after the members of both teams had exchanged hugs with all their counterparts, Rishard called an end to the exercise. Although his voice still maintained a buoyant air, his face gave away his disappointment. He glanced one by one at the Hogwarts players, maintaining eye contact with the girls longer than the boys. Finally his eyes came to rest on Jamie Zacherley. The girls all looked extremely provocative, especially Jamie. The costumes left little to the imagination, but he had promised his colleagues that no imagination would be necessary. He had guaranteed accidental nudity. With the exception of Nora, the Hogwarts girls seemed to be running and jumping about without a care, yet there had been absolutely no Overexposure. Why weren't Zacherley's tits popping out?
"It looks like it is about to rain," Rishard said, glancing at the darkening skies. "This will be our last exercise of the day. Next Saturday we will concentrate on developing team trust."
Oh well.
Cut for more boring Emily/Tyler stuff.
"Harry! I'm so glad you're back!" Hermione cried, as he entered their quarters. "I was just about to send Hedwig to search you out."
Ah yeah, I totally forgot that Hedwig still is a thing here, given that this was written before the final book came and used another fanfics continuity while then using the canon that was revealed afterwards at the same time.
"What's the matter?" Harry asked, seeing grave concern etched on Hermione's face.
"I'm not sure," Hermione answered tensely. "Severus just stuck his head in the fire and asked that you and I come to his office immediately. Tonks and Kingsley Shacklebolt are on their way." Hermione bit her lips. "I don't think it's a social visit. Severus looked distraught."
Oh well.
It´s rather easy to guess what´s coming next, considering what the last chapter ended with.
End of Chapter 13
Finally.
#hogwarts exposed#harry potter#bad fanfiction#jamie zacherley#neil#caitlin garrison#hogwarts exposed sporking#emily zacherley#naturism#kim thatcher#Mary Sue#Hogwarts Overexposed#Rose Potter#Keiran Halcyon#Hermione Granger#Rishard Simone#Emma Wrong
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Still a Queen


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Hogwarts Overexposed Chapter 12: Follow the Money Trail
Finally, we have reached the chapter where the most infamous shit of the fic and the Saga as a whole begins.
And I love how in a fic thats called "Salazars return", Salazar Slytherins actual return isnt the thing the fic is most notorious for.
When we last left off, the American students from the Salem Witches Institute have arrived, and Emily seemingly had an accident.
"I'm okay, at least thus far," Emily exclaimed, "but don't worry about me. Look at the American team." "What about the American team?" Kim turned her attention to the advancing group. "Oh my god, they all look like they're parading about in their underwear," Kim exclaimed aghast. "Plus, their robes look more like capes. Are they all dressed to look like Superman and Wonder Woman for Halloween?"
Like other sporkers noted, the references to Superman and Wonder Woman aren´t as out of place as they first would seem, as Kim is Muggle-born and Emily was raised in the Muggle World. "Their attire is outlandish," Emily agreed, "but that's not what I'm referring to. Look at the boy in the last pairing; the one walking beside the nice-looking blonde."
Who could it be? Kim looked in the direction Emily had indicated and then froze. The boy and girl appeared to be very embarrassed by their garb, but at the same time were talking and pointing animatedly at the castle, obviously extremely impressed with Hogwarts. Kim immediately recognized the boy; they had become good friends on the cruise. "It's Brian," Kim said in a stunned voice, as the American group passed. "He's a wizard!"
I honestly can´t get over how she´s so surprised over something that´s been foreshadowed to the point it could be seen as a parody of foreshadowing.
"Only witches and wizards can turn into ghosts" - how would a in-Universe Muggle know that? Kim and Emily filed back up the steps with the other Hogwarts students and then, for Emily's sake, made a hurried pit stop in the nearest girls' bathroom before entering the Great Hall and sitting down for the Halloween Feast. The students from Salem had chosen seats at the Hufflepuff table. They all sat discomfitly looking around the Great Hall with overwhelmed expressions on their faces.
Be prepared for a cliché-storm incoming.
By the time the first Hogwarts Exposed fic was written, the whole trope of "American exchange students at Hogwarts had already become almost a parody of itself. The Great Hall, as usual, was decorated festively for Halloween. Pumpkins hanging in mid air illuminated the hall as thousands of live bats fluttered about. Occasionally the bats swooped over the tables in low black clouds.
Ah, the rare instance of actual descriptions of things. "Why is Filch adding three chairs to the staff table?" Kim wondered aloud.
Kim, why are you surprised by that? "Not sure," answered Emily. "One might be for that paunchy person that accompanied the American team. I can't imagine whom the other two are for."
This is the first time that person is actually mentioned.
And yes, I had to check the previous sections and the last part of the last chapter to make sure I didn´t miss anything.
Once the students had all settled down at the House tables, the staff entered and filled the top table. Kim's question concerning the extra chairs was soon answered. Snape entered follow by Percy Weasley, the American chaperone and ...a third person that appeared to be neither a man nor a woman.
Aaaaaaand this is where the person actually gets mentioned - it seems that Neil simply can´t write.
As if we didn´t get that the previous two fics.
"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, ghosts and guests," said Snape. "I hope your stay with us will be most enjoyable. The contest will officially open at the end of tonight's feast. Now, please, eat, drink, and make yourselves comfortable"
"I wonder how far we're allowed to go in regards to making ourselves comfortable?" Emily asked with a laugh.
I´m surprised it took this long to get a nudism reference in this chapter.
"Not as far as you'd like," Kim said as the plates in front of them filled with food. The house elves in the kitchen had once again outdone themselves; there was a much larger than normal variety of dishes to select from.
Dishes we won´t get to know exactly.
"I can't get over the fact that Brian is a wizard," Kim exclaimed.
You already said that.
"I can't get over the getup that he and the others are wearing," Emily said. "That can't possibly be their school uniform. It must be a special costume for the events, but who would pick such awful outfits?"
"Maybe that person sitting to the left of Professor Snape," Kim suggested. "Is that a very feminine man or an extremely homely woman?"
And for the sake of funny, I´m gonna imagine that person to look like Divine.
Emily shrugged her shoulders. "I'm not sure which would be worse."
.....why would either be bad in the first place?
Yeah, it´s just Neils homophobia again.
As they ate, most of the students seemed to be nervous and constantly watching the staff table with anticipation.
"Is it just me or is this feast taking a great deal longer than usual?" Caitlin asked as she played with her food.
"I think everyone is eager for the selection of the team to take place," Jamie answered. "Look! Filch is bringing in the goblet. It shouldn't be much longer."
Come to think of it, I don´t think Filch is appearing again after this chapter.
"What qualities do you imagine the goblet will be looking for?" Caitlin asked. "I would imagine that seventh years would have a much better chance of being selected."
Way to tempt fate, Caitlin.
"Not necessarily," Jamie said. "A team needs members with varying talents and abilities."
Talents and abilities that never really will get shown, apart from showing that Jamie Sue is always right.
Finally the golden plates returned to their original spotless state and Snape stood up. Tension seemed to fill the hall. "The time has come to select the Hogwarts team, but before we do, a few introductions and some explanations are in order," said the Headmaster.
Does this sound like something Snape would say?
"Let me introduce our guests seated at the staff table: Mr. Percy Weasley, interim Minister of Magic" - there was polite applause - "Mr. Bud Ryan, coach for the American team" - again a polite response - "and Mr. Rishard Simone, Facilitator of Games from the International Committee of Magical Games and Sports."
"Does that answer your question?" Emily whispered to Kim. "It's a guy. A very short guy with a dyed blonde, curly Afro, fake bronze tan, tight short shorts and shaved legs."
Rishard Simone, as I learned several months after I first read the Sporkings, is seemingly a expy of Richard Simmons, for some really bizarre reason.
Despite this, I still keep imagining Rishard Simone to look like Divine for the sake of funny.
There was a louder applause for Mr. Simone than for the others, but there was also a spattering of inappropriate wolf whistles. Headmaster Snape gave the students a stern look, but it was not close to the severity with which Percy Weasley was looking at him. Obviously Percy had not appreciated being introduced as the temporary Minister of Magic.
I don´t really remember Percy appearing in the fic again after this chapter, actually.
"If that big guy is the American coach, who is the Hogwarts' coach?" Caitlin asked.
Jamie just shrugged her shoulders and put her finger to her mouth, indicating for Caitlin not to talk.
Department of redundancy department.
As per usual.
"The teams will be challenged by three tasks, spaced throughout the school year," Snape announced. "These tests will involve daring, deduction, magical prowess, danger, but most importantly they will test your ability to cooperate and function as a team.
"Now, then, before we select the team to represent Hogwarts, I would like to introduce the students from The Salem Witches' Institute representing the United States. When your name is announced, please come up to the top of the Hall and enter the chamber behind the staff table."
Btw, only two of the American students get named, the others are more or less just background characters with no purpose and personalities.
Headmaster Snape produced a sheet of paper from his pocket and started reading names. As he announced each person's name the student rose from his or her seat and proceeded toward the staff table and then the chamber. The Hogwarts students seemed to be paying little attention to the introductions; instead they were attentively staring at the American's in their revealing uniforms.
Are you beginning to notice a read thread?
"How can they breathe in those outfits?" Amanda remarked. "They almost look sprayed on."
"It would be better if they were," Jamie remarked. "At least then they could move freely about. They all seem extremely self-conscience and embraced. Embraced? How many betas were there again? That poor girl's uniform appears much too small for her," Jamie said, indicating a girl walking toward them.
"Oh my!" Amanda cried. "She has a severe camel toe."
FUCK YOU NEIL
"A what?" Caitlin whispered questioningly.
"When clothing is so tight in the crotch area that the shape of the vagina is unmistakable, it's sometimes referred to as a camel toe," Jamie enlightened her.
"What's it called for guys?" Caitlin asked, staring fixedly as a boy about her age neared them.
"Oh my god! That's Brian from the cruise. I wonder if Kim and Emily have seen him?"
What are the odds?
When Caitlin looked toward the Slytherin table, it was evident by their frantic waving and pointing that the girls had indeed noticed Brian.
After the two reserves for Salem who will never be named were announced and had entered the chamber, Snape surveyed the hall. "Now it is time for the goblet to make its decision. The first six names selected will be the team starters. The last two names will be the alternates.
Oh, this is gonna be fun. Or not.
"As your names are announced, please go through into the next chamber and wait with our American friends."
Again:
Does this remotely sound like something Snape would say?
Snape took out his wand I almost forgot this was a Harry Potter fanfic and that magic is supposed to be a thing here and gave a sweeping wave, plunging the room into a state of semidarkness. All the candles except those inside the carved pumpkins were extinguished.
How specific.
Everyone watched and waited breathlessly. The Goblet of Fire was now everyone's focal point, shining brightly with its sparkling bright, blue-white flames. Suddenly the flames inside the goblet turned red. Sparks began to fly and then a charred piece of parchment shot into the air. The entire room gasped as Snape caught the piece of parchment.
I think most of this is taken directly from the fourth book.
"The first team member for Hogwarts is from Gryffindor. Jamie Zacherley, please come forward," he announced.
Wow, what a huge surprise that the Main Sue is on the team!
"No shocker there!" So obvious that even the characters in-Universe acknowledge it. Shouted Amanda happily, as she embraced her best friend. Jamie rose from the table to a thunder of applause; ALL HAIL TO THE MARY SUE she walked hurriedly to the front of the hall, a pink glowing slasher smile on her face. Jamie walked along the staff table and then entered the door into the next chamber.
"I knew she'd make the team," Emily said proudly. "I'd love to be on it with her."
"I'm sure you'll make it," Kim said encouragingly.
I guess the fact that Emily won´t make it is supposed to be a big twist here.
As the clapping subsided, everyone again focused on the goblet, which once more turned red and shot out a second piece of parchment.
"The next member is from Hufflepuff," said Snape, "Jeffrey MacDowell."
Wow, a Hufflepuff. What a surprise.
At first Jeff remained seated as if not believing his ears. Then after prodding from his mates, he jumped to his feet and practically ran to the front of the hall.
Btw, I think it´s at this point that Neil forgot that there previously had been introduced another Jeff at the nudist cruise.
"Do you know him? What year is he in?" Caitlin inquired of Amanda.
"He's a fifth year," Amanda answered. "I don't know him that well, but he seems like an okay sort."
He´s never gonna appear again after this fic so he won´t get that much focus aside from being one of Jamies simps.
"Our third competitor is from Gryffindor, Caitlin Potter," Snape announced.
"Me!" Caitlin exclaimed. "I don't have an athletic bone in my body."
Wasnt it repeatedly stated earlier that athletics werent that relevant in the overall picture?
"Evidently the goblet thinks you can help out the team," Amanda said, beaming and giving Caitlin a quick hug.
Well, she actually does a big help in one of the tasks. A rather explosive help, if you ask me.
"Caitlin and Jamie are both on the team," Hermione said clutching Harry's hand tightly. "They're going to be thrilled when they find out that you're coaching the Hogwarts team."
"I'm worried about Emily," Harry said looking out over the hall. "With Jamie and Caitlin on the team, I'm afraid she'll be dreadfully disappointed if she doesn't make it."
Shut up, Harry Stu, the world does not revolve around that brat. Hermione nodded her head in agreement.
As usual. "Donald Thomas from Ravenclaw is next to join the team," Severus declared.
The most irrelevant character on the team, everyone. "I bet no one from Slytherin will even make the team," Kim declared. "Our house isn't exactly known for support and teamwork."
Way to tempt fate, Kim. "Didn't the Headmaster say that each house would be represented? Emily asked. Before Kim could respond, a tongue of flame shot into the air and another piece of parchment fluttered out. "From Slytherin House, Kim Thatcher," Snape declared.
Dun dunn dunnnnnn Emily hugged Kim as the Slytherin table burst into applause. "That goblet has got to be crazy," Kim said as she dizzily got to her feet and staggered toward the head table.
Yeah, I also don´t necessary get why Kim was selected, but apparently two Mary Sues on the team were not enough. The clapping hadn't yet died down when the sixth piece of parchment shot out of the goblet. "The final member of the Hogwarts starting team is..." Headmaster Snape paused, as if not believing his eyes. "From Slytherin House, Dick Bancroft?"
Okay, apart from what a jerkass move it is from Snape to show how surprised he is from that, I also can´t help but laugh at it because the image of Snape doing this with big eyes is rather hilarious. At first the hall was quiet. Even the Slytherins seemed shocked by the selection of Bancroft. Finally as Dick got smugly to his feet, the Slytherins burst into cheers. The other houses gave a short polite spattering of applause.
Dick Bancrofts reputation within Slytherin itself is so inconsistent, at one moment most of them hate him and his obsession with Jamie, yet at the same time they let him do initiation rites with pureblood supremacist rhethorics.
I guess it´s just a case of BECAUSE THE PLOT SAYS SO "The next two names out of the goblet will be the team reserves," Snape announced. "Should, during any event, a starter be physically unable to compete one of the reserves will take their place." "The first reserve," Snape said, grabbing the bit of parchment from the air, "is Nora Jordan from Ravenclaw." Immediately another fragment shot into the air. "The second alternate is Lee Wilson from Hufflepuff."
At least these reserves get relevant in the plot, unlike the nameless Americans. "How does Emily look to you?" Hermione asked worriedly. "It's hard to say," Harry answered, trying to conceal his own concern. "It must to be terribly disappointing for her not to have made the team when her best friend and sisters all did."
I don´t care.
* * * * * *
Jamie quietly opened the door and stepped into a smaller room, lined with paintings of witches and wizards, many of who smiled happily and gave her encouraging gestures.
Remember, this is supposed to be a Harry Potter fanfic!
On the opposite side of the room, the American team was grouped around a fireplace in which a handsome blaze was roaring. They were occupied in conversation and didn't seem to spot her enter the room. Jamie remained near the door transfixed. The firelight had the effect of making the costumes worn by the Americans seem almost translucent.
It seemed like only moments before Jeffrey MacDowell, bursting excitedly into the room, broke her trance.
"Everyone knew you'd be selected," he said breathlessly to Jamie, "but I never dreamed I'd make the team."
"Obviously, the goblet has more faith in you than you do in yourself," Oh, shut up Jamie! Jamie said, embracing Jeff in an sincere hug. "I'm sure you'll do fine."
"Maybe!" Jeff said. "Just so I don't have to wear a costume like theirs. Did you notice the bottom part is actually a thong?"
The red thread.
"It is!?" Jamie said shocked. She hadn't actually noticed due to the capes draping that area of the body. Jamie now tried to get a better look at the attire being worn by the American's without actually staring blatantly at any of the students.
The costumes were unisex and appeared to share the qualities of a muscle shirt and a thong in one extremely tight and body molding piece. It was a garment she would more expect to find on the French Rivera than in a wizard school competition.
Oh, the horrors!
Yet I wonder why even in the Wizarding World they would let mostly underaged teenagers wear this stuff at a school competition.
"I wonder how the girls manage to keep their breasts from popping out the sides of those tops," she said matter-of-factly.
Jeff blushed. "I was wondering the same thing," he said eagerly, his eyes coming to rest optimistically on Jamie's full chest.
Because Jeff is a pervert too.
Neil, most men don´t do this so blatantly like all the males in the Hogwarts Exposed Saga!
The door opened and Caitlin hesitantly walked into the chamber. Jamie rushed to the door and embraced her tightly. "This is great," she said enthusiastically. "We're going to be on the team together!"
When Jeff burst into the room, it had attracted Brian's attention. Since then, he had been staring fixedly at Jamie. He couldn't get over how much this girl looked like Kim's older friend from the cruise. What were the odds of that happening? When Caitlin entered the room, he broke from his team and hurried over to the forming Hogwarts group.
"You're Mary Sues! witches," he shouted excitedly. "Are Kim and Emily, too?"
"We all are!" Caitlin responded, embracing Brian. "Does this mean Jeff and Mark are?"
"No," Brian said, shaking his head. "I wish they were. They're good friends and I hate constantly lying to them."
As I said earlier, I think Neil forgot that he had already introduced one character named Jeff earlier when he created the Hufflepuff Jeff and only realised it at this point.
One Jeff Limit.
As they talked, Donald Thomas entered the room. Jeff clasped his hand firmly and Jamie and Caitlin both gave him a hug.
LOL he doesnt even get any speaking lines upon entering the room, like he´s just a cardboard cut out!
"I better get back to my group," Brian said, feeling incongruous. "It's great seeing you guys. Tell Kim and Emily I said, hi! After they're done with us here tonight, maybe we can make arrangements to get together."
Brian had just turned to return to the American contingent when Kim wandered through the door. She still seemed to be in shock over being selected, but when she saw Brian; her face broke into a huge grin.
Brian ran to her and literally lifted her off her feet, swinging her in a circle. Kim's face turned bright red as he finally returned her to the ground.
"Why didn't you tell me that you were a witch?" Brian asked.
"For the same reason you didn't say you were a wizard," Kim replied. "That does, however, explain how you knew that someone had to be magical to become a ghost."
So she did pick up on that, then.
At least someone is somewhat smart among the Sues.
"I did let that slip, didn't I?" Brian said guiltily. "It's marvelous seeing you again."
"Bancroft! What are you doing back here?" Jeff barked, as Dick Bancroft barged through the door. "Only team members are allowed in here."
"That's me people," Dick crowed smugly. "I'm the sixth member of the team."
As Brian ran off to rejoin his squad, the Hogwarts group all exchanged bewildered looks. Certainly there had been some sort of horrible mistake. No one less personified the term 'Team Spirit" than Dick Bancroft.
After Nora and Lee joined the group, they all waited nervously to receive further instructions. As Caitlin waited, her eyes kept returning to Bancroft. How could the Hogwarts team possibly win when it seemed an albatross had just been added to the group?
That´s gonna be the least of her worries though, as we will see shortly.
Finally, after what seemed like forever, the door behind them opened and a small group of people came in: Professor Snape, followed closely by Minister Weasley, Mr. Simone, Coach Ryan and Professor Potter.
"I'm sorry that I didn't get to address you in The Great Hall," Minister Weasley said, staring daggers at Professor Snape. "I had a great deal of inspirational advice I wanted to impart to you and the students of Hogwarts. But since I was deprived of that opportunity, I will only say that I hope both teams will find this experience both satisfying and rewarding. It is not important which team ultimately wins the competition. What is significant is that you all learn the importance of cooperating and working together." Once again he gave Snape a chilly, trenchant stare. "Good luck to you all."
This wall of text somehow reads like the nonsensical talk of the Griffin council in My Inner Life.
Without a further word, he turned and departed the room.
"Well, that was certainly rude," Rishard huffed in a high voice. "He didn't even take my hand in parting."
"I apologize," Snape said. "I'm sure he thinks he has something more important to do. Now then before we get started, I'd like to introduce Professor Harry Potter to our guests. Professor Potter has agreed to coach the Hogwarts team."
With the exception of Dick Bancroft, the Hogwarts team all clapped appreciatively. Jamie, Caitlin and Kim jumped up and down and exchanged excited hugs.
Why would they hug now?
Mr. Simone, smiled broadly as his eyes stroked Harry. "Wonderful," he said, a pleasant flutter in his voice. "I was hoping I'd get the opportunity to know you better."
"Mr. Simone will be running combined training sessions for the teams and also acting as impartial judge and facilitator for the events," Professor Snape explained. "Mr. Simone, would you care to elucidate further?"
"Thank you, Severus," Rishard said in a come hither voice. "I must say that both schools have assembled lovely teams. I look forward to working closely with all of you."
"If he tries to work closely with me, he'll end up with a mouth full of knuckles," Dick Bancroft grunted softly.
"This is the fifth event such as this that I have conducted for the International Committee of Magical Games and Sports. I'm proud to say that all thus far have been fabulous successes and I'm positive this one will be no different."
Simone placed his hands on his hips. "The players from Salem might be deemed to have an advantage because they have competed against the other U.S. teams, but I assure you that these games will be quite different. They will require cooperation, teamwork and trust unlike any you have ever experienced. Remember, there is no 'I' in team. Individual abilities will not win an event. A challenge is not complete until every member of the team is across the finish line.
Aha.
"The next two weekends we will spend getting to know each other intimately In a fic like this, the word "intimately" can mean something way different and learning to fully trust our teammates. The actual tasks will be spread throughout the school year. You will not be given a date or time in advance. The task could be any day of the week between seven in the morning and seven at night. Unless there are questions, I believe that is all I have to say." Snape was on the verge of dismissing the students when Simone suddenly stopped him.
We´re finally getting to the actual main conflict of the fic: "Oh! My goodness! Silly me!" Rishard squealed. "I forgot the most important thing. I've noticed that the students from Hogwarts have been eyeing enviously the stunning team uniforms that the group from Salem is wearing. The International Committee of Magical Games and Sports had the magnificent House of Gayee "Gayee"? Seriously, Neil? in France create them just for these events." "Fear not! I have uniforms for you, also," Simone said in an excited giggly voice as he waved his hands about gaily. "The only difference is that yours are in green, red, yellow and blue. Oh! Yes! A new rule stipulation is that you must wear nothing more than the team uniform during participation hours commencing tomorrow and continuing until the presentation of the trophies in June. Don't worry about size. One size fits all." Caitlin looked down at herself and then glanced at Jamie. How could the same uniform possibly fit them both?
Oh, the suspense! "If that fruitcake thinks I'm wearing one of those, he's bonkers," Bancroft bellowed. "I quit. One of the alternates can have my starting spot." "Mr. Bancroft," said Headmaster Snape, putting his arm around Dick's shoulder. "For the first time in seven years, I believe you and I agree about something. Those uniforms are ludicrous and debasing. The designer should be tortured and the committee that approved their use by students cursed. Unfortunately, we must follow the rules, and they state clearly that those people whose names came out of the Goblet of Fire are bound to compete and follow all tournament requirements. You will be competing and you will be wearing that travesty of a uniform for the remainder of the year. I'm sure the rest of the school will be as distressed to see you in that get up as you will be to be seen in it. Learn to live with it."
Well, the one time he shows just some balls, it´s this here.
But yes.
Rishard Simone is in fact the Main Villain of this fic and the main conflict is angsting about the ridicculous outfits for the tournaments.
* * * * * *
"Will you girls please calm down," Hermione pleaded. "I saw the competition suits the Americans had on and I agree that they are awful, but I'm not sure what, if anything, we can do at this point. Why don't you go put them on so we can get an idea of just how dreadful they are?"
Jamie, Caitlin and Kim reluctantly grabbed their competition uniforms and headed for the bedroom.
"I don't see the problem," Emily said in an angry voice. "I'd give anything to be a part of that team. What's the big deal about their butt checks showing or the sides of their boobs? I thought we were all nudists? How can a camel toe embarrass you when you're willing to walk around with your twat fully exposed? I'd gladly partake nude if it meant being on the school team."
.....She does kind of have a point here.
"Emily, please use correct terminology," Hermione said, a tone of frustration in her voice. "Jamie and I have both tried to explain this to you countless times before, but evidently to no avail."
"That's because my sister is an exhibitionist," Jamie said, as she returned to the room.
As is Jamie sometimes too.
"Oh! My!" Hermione said as she gawked at Jamie. "That certainly leaves little to the imagination. Turn around and let me see it from all angles."
The uniform without a doubt reminded Hermione of a cut-off muscle shirt being attached by strings to a thong. The shirt part was colored stripes of green, blue and red, while the thong was yellow. The shirt only covered the chest ending just below the breasts. Actually in Jamie's case it barely covered the chest. Her nipples were only just covered by the edge of the fabric and the sides of her breasts were fairly visible. How lucky she killed Madam Hooch before she could see her in that outfit. In the back, two strings attached to the top at either side forming a V, the bottom point of which was just above her bum. At that point they became a single string that disappeared between her cheeks. From the back, Jamie looked like she was completely bottomless. Two strings also attached to the edge of the top at either side in the front. These strings met just above Jamie's vagina where they attached to a triangle of yellow cloth that scarcely covered that area before disappearing between her legs.
The outfit sounds like a stripper or go go dancer outfit.
Hermione shook her head in disbelief. If Jamie had pubic hair, it would all be visible. Thank you for reminding us of the Suethors preferences. She had seen the American uniforms, but not this close. She hadn't realized how revealing they really were.
"I can't believe that they expect you to practically live in these outfits for the next eight months. Going about normal activity would seem unfeasible, competing totally impossible. The boys' uniform is exactly the same?" she questioned. No way in hell could Harry, even in a flaccid state, ever conceal his package behind that little triangle; and what if he got aroused? The very thought was enough to increase her heartbeat.
"According to Brian, it's impossible to get through a contest without popping out several times." Kim added, as she and Caitlin entered the room. "He says that the girls' breasts are out more than they are covered. On one occasion, they were practicing making a human ladder and Debby's costume shifted to one side exposing her entire vagina. She was in the middle of the ladder and couldn't do anything about it for nearly ten minutes."
That really does sound painful.
Also, Debby is the only other American student besides Brian who is ever named.
"I'm sorry, but I don't understand the problem," Emily said in frustration. "They are just body parts. We just got off a cruise where hundreds of people saw us nude. Jamie, Caitlin and I wouldn't have a problem with walking to the library right now totally naked. So, why is it a predicament to have a camel toe or a tit pop out while wearing some stupid costume?"
"Jamie's right," Caitlin said tentatively. "I love you, Emily. Please don't hate me for saying this, but you're different from us. We're all nudists, but I think you are an exhibitionist. We love being nude because we feel free and comfortable that way. I don't do it to excite or titillate anyone." Caitlin bit her lip. "I think sometimes that you like people seeing you naked; that it gives you some kind of thrill."
Because that is exactly how Emily feels.
"Do you feel that way, too?" Emily asked, staring angrily at Kim.
"Sometimes you do go to extremes," Kim answered warily.
"So you all think I'm a tart," Emily cried. "In that case, why am I sitting here hiding my nudity? Why don't I just go display myself to the whole world?"
Shut up, Emily.
Emily jumped from the chair, angry tears running down her face, and ran toward the door before anyone could react. She threw open the door and ran naked out of the Potters' quarters.
"Oh! No! I bet she's headed for the library," Hermione screamed, running to the door.
Oh, the conflict!
Anyway, Hermie Sue runs out to confront Rishard Simone.
Hermione's knuckles had barely touched the door when a voice called out sweetly. "Do come in Professor Granger, I've been expecting you."
Hermione opened the door, but as she walked inside, the sight of a man doing sit-ups naked, momentarily took her aback.
She should be used to be seeing nudity daily, shouldnt she?
"I hope you don't mind, but I prefer to do my exercising in the nude," Rishard said in his high whiny voice.
I love that whenever any of the Potter household or Samantha practice nudism, it´s all good, but when someone like Rishard does it, it´s inherently eeeeevul.
"Not at all." Hermione answered indifferently as Rishard continued his sit-ups. "I favor exercising in the buff, myself. How did you know it was me on the other side of the door?" she asked.
"Reputation and your husband," Rishard answered demurely "He made it rather clear that you would most likely want to talk to me concerning the uniforms for the games. I'm surprised by your concern. I was under the impression that your entire family were nudists."
So he does know about their little naturist cult then.
"As I was trying to explain to my younger daughter, there is an immense difference between being a nudist and using your body to be sexually titillating."
"And you find the uniforms to be sexy?" he asked.
"I find the uniforms to be disgusting," she declared. "This is a school, not a strip club. There is absolute no way the participants can take part in any physical competition without exposing themselves.
"I certainly hope not," Rishard answered, a self-satisfied tone to his voice.
I feel like Rishard is Neils self conscious fighting over how he himself uses naturism as a way for his perversions, yet his other side fights against it.
Hermione just stared at him in disbelief. She found this man totally despicable.
Rishard finished exercising, but didn't bother putting his robes back on. Instead he stood leaning against the doorframe, one hand on his hip, studying Hermione. "I've been told that you are the smartest witch of our time. We´re constantly told it, yet never shown how she is that. It's disappointing that you haven't figured this all out on your own. Why do you think these games are being held?"
"To promote closer unity and understanding between witches and wizards of different countries," Hermione affirmed.
Rishard shook his head as he laughed. "Possibly that might have been one of the original intentions, but now if it occurs, it's just a pleasant by-product. The first games I had a part in were held in Australia against New Zealand. A great deal of money and effort went into preparing for them. It had been hoped that the sale of tickets, food and souvenirs would recoup those expenses. Sadly there was not a great deal of interest in the first two rounds and it looked like we would incur a financial disaster. Then halfway through the second event, there was a slight accident." Rishard smiled.
"A lovely young girl with extremely pleasant knobs fell out of a tree. Fortunately she was physically unharmed but seventy-five percent of her uniform remained attached to a tree branch. Instead of concealing herself behind the tree trunk and waiting for assistance, the young lady panicked and ran to get something with which to cover herself. She had to run approximately a quarter-mile, in full view of the spectators. In the process, she lost what was left of her uniform."
How convenient.
Mr. Simone smiled at Hermione. "For the final event, there was not a single empty seat in the stadium. We sold out of food, cameras, Omnioculars, practically everything. The overall competition didn't make any money, but we broke even. Unfortunately, however, there were no uniform malfunctions that day.
How inconvenient.
Hermione glared at Simone. "Are you telling me that these outfits were purposely designed so that the participants would be constantly exposing themselves? This is all about money?"
What do you think, Hermie Sue?
Rishard didn't answer; he simply gave her a toothy Gilderoy Lockhart smile.
How oddly specific.
"But these are children, certainly neither our Ministry nor the U.S. Magical Government can be supporting what almost amounts to child pornography," Hermione pleaded.
Hermione, you´re in Hogwarts Exposed.
Everyone is a pervert here.
"Wake up to the reality of the real world Professor," Simone advised. "Money speaks. These events now make a fortune and politicians from all the counties concerned want their share. Minister Wrong approached me. I didn't approach her."
This is one of the last times Emma Wrong is mentioned here.
And I think this is supposed to foreshadow something.
"But what about the children?" she pleaded. "Certainly their parents can't approve."
"The voices of a few troubled parents are easily drowned out by the cheers of the boisterous supporting crowds. Besides, these aren't children, they are adolescents; in some cases, such as Miss Zacherley, almost adults. They're not being molested or physically harmed in any way," Rishard claimed. "Why, one might say they are simply being exposed to how much enjoyment their nubile bodies can bring to others."
One might even say Overexposed, indeed!
"You are nothing but a filthy, sick pervert," Hermione screamed. "My girls will not be taking part in your sex show."
"Yes they will," Simone said, now sounding almost threateningly. "Have you forgotten that they've signed a magical contract?"
"Then, they'll wear robes over your hideous uniforms"
We then get to this exchange at the end:
Hermione stared at Simone. She didn't like to use the word hate, but it would be easy to learn to hate this man.
"Mister Simone, do you know what a hermaphrodite is?" she asked.
Rishard looked at her questioningly. "No, I'm afraid I don't"
"A hermaphrodite is a person born with both a vagina and a penis. Would you believe at this moment I wish I were one?"
Yeah, I also couldnt believe Neil actually wrote this.
He looked at her questioningly, trying to discern the abrupt change in the course of the conversation. "Why on earth would a woman as lovely as you want a penis?"
"So I could tell a deviate like you to suck my big hairy dick," she replied. Hermione turned and stormed out the door, slamming it behind her.
Yes, this happened.
Cut for a long conversation on how to go through the tournament without actually wearing the revealing uniforms.
So Hermione suggests they use the concealment charm that makes it look like they´re dressed, when they´re actually naked.
Hermione nodded her head. "That's the one obvious imperfection with my idea. You'll all need to be willing to have your teammates see you nude."
"Dick Bancroft?" Caitlin said, in a disgusted tone of voice.
Jamie looked as if she were about to be sick.
"Do we really have any choice?" Kim asked.
Emily then whines about how she wants to use the charm too, despite not being on the team.
"She's right," Kim agreed, hanging her head. "I don't know about you guys, but I'm using the charm." "Me, too!" Jamie and Caitlin said in unison. Harry just sat with a glazed look on his face, looking from girl to girl and then finally to Hermione. "I can't believe we're giving our blessing to this," he said in amazement.
Are you really that surprised, Harry? "Me either," Hermione agreed. "It's not the best option, it's our only option. I still feel like that perverted bastard, Simone, is winning, but I can't see anyway to get the girls out of wearing his distorted creations. It seems like all we can do is prevent matters from getting worse." Harry kept looking from girl to girl and shaking his head. He felt like he was letting them down. "I'll contact the Headmaster and get his okay for you to all spend the night here," Hermione said. "Harry and I will help you apply the charms in the morning. Between now and Saturday, you should have a team meeting, so everyone knows what to expect. Perhaps Nora or some of the boys will want to follow suit." Caitlin and Jamie exchanged glances. Somehow they couldn't picture any of the boys being eager to join them.
As if.
* * * * * *
"So that means that you'll be spending most of the next eight months nude," Alex said, trying to comprehend the total ramifications of this.
Alex sounds like he´s excited about that.
"Yeah, well except for my socks and trainers, of course" Jamie said. "Truth is, that with the exception of the Yule Ball, I don't see a reason that I'd be putting clothes on at all. I'll shower in the morning and then activate the charm. I'm required to look like I'm in that hideous costume till after dinner. It hardly seems worthwhile getting dressed at seven. I guess I'll just keep the charm on in the common room until I'm ready to go up to my dorm. Then I'll deactivate it."
Yeah Jamie, your life is really hard.
Jamie thought about this and then said. "Maybe, I will need to get dressed. I don't think I want to spend every night looking like a tart in that attire. It's bad enough I have to look that way twelve hours a day."
"Jamie, why not just ask our housemates if they'd mind if you removed the spell while in the common room at night?" You're going to actually be nude, why not just remove the pretence of having something on?" Alex asked.
I´m surprised she hasnt done that yet.
Jamie couldn't believe her ears. "You'd actually be okay with that? You wouldn't mind my being starkers in front of all the other guys?"
"My name isn't Matt," Alex declared. "I know what I have and I've no intentions of losing you by acting like some stupid jealous prat. You were a nudist long before we met and I'm assuming you desire to be one for the remainder of your life."
Alex is such a simp.
We then get through more long pointless dialogue of Jamie angsting about the outfits, and we end on that note:
"Just make sure that hand is on my leg and not between them," she said, trying to sound stern, but not succeeding. "If you cause me to have an orgasm in Flitwick's class and I start screaming, I'll never forgive you."
In this fic, anything is possible. "Speaking of orgasms, I didn't have time for dessert at dinner," Alex informed her. "Would you mind terribly if I had it now?" "That is something I'll never refuse you," she said as she laid back and spread her legs welcomingly.
Yeah, this was actually written down.
Afterwards they talk about whether Alex has told his parents that he is dating a naturist.
We still barely know anything about Alex in the first place.
After several chapters of filler and a whole chapter about stripper outfits, we return to what is supposed to be the plot:
"Nott, I understand you ran into a bit of a problem with the couple you visited last evening." "Yes, my Lord." Theodore Nott cried, prostrating himself at the feet of Salazar Slytherin. "I'm sorry my Lord, but they refused to enter your service. Please forgive me, my Lord. I tried my best to convince them that it was in their best interest, but they were vehement in their refusal."
This is giving me North Korean vibes. "On your feet, Nott," Slytherin commanded. "I do not punish faithful servants who do my bidding. You can only give wise counsel. You've offered them a life in my service, regrettably they have refused."
"Slytherins reign will be worse than Voldemort"
Slytherin crossed the room, giving the matter thought and then returned to Nott. "I'd like you to return to them again before the week is out and give them another chance to join my service. Do they have anything that might perhaps be used as a bargaining chip to influence them to reevaluate their original decision?" "Yes, my Lord. They have two children, both girls. The older attends Hogwarts, the six year old goes to the day school in Hogsmeade." "Hogwarts, dear Hogwarts," Slytherin said, as if reminiscing about bygone years. So you are saying he isnt reminiscing about bygone years? "I have many memories of the school, both good and bad. When you visit them, tell them how very disappointed I was at their decision. Also, inform them that if they do not join me immediately, their daughter will not live to ever ride the Hogwarts Express again." "Oh, and Nott, in order that they realize how sincere I am and how distressed I was that they didn't answer my first calling, I want you to take them a gift on my behalf." "Yes, my Lord," Nott said. "The gift my Lord, what is it to be?" "The severed head of the youngest girl."
DUN DUNN DUNNNNNNN
I can´t take this seriously, as this is only included in order to make Slytherin look waaaaaay worse than Voldemort, despite the fact that he just can´t be taken serious as some evil overlord. End of Chapter 12
Finally this chapter is over.
Oh, and this chapter had 6 writers, allegedly.
#Hogwarts Overexposed#Hogwarts Exposed#Hogwarts Exposed sporking#Neil#Hermione Granger#Harry Potter#Jamie Zacherley#Caitlin Garrison#Kim Thatcher#Mary Sue#Mary Sues#Emily Zacherley#Rose Potter#The Draco Trilogy#Salazar Slytherin#Bad Fanfiction#Rishard Simone#Divine
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Hogwarts Overexposed Chapter 11: Driving the Point Home
I was wrong, much of this chapter is filler too.
Be prepared for lots of cuts.
"Would you mind explaining to me why it appears like you were about to go down to the common room totally starkers?" Jamie asked.
I´m surprised that this is something surprising in this fic.
"Because that's exactly what I intend to do," Caitlin declared. "That is, unless you have it in mind to stop me."
"Suppose we step into your dorm for a minute and you explain to me exactly what's going on," Jamie suggested. "Then I'll decide whether I'm going to stop you or not."
Caitlin turned back into the room as Jamie followed her. She tossed the towel she was carrying onto her bed and then sat down. Jamie sat down next to her and placed her hand on Caitlin's leg. "What did Matt do?" Jamie asked as if reading Caitlin's mind.
We then get a flashback to when Jamie told Caitlin about her first time nude at Hogwarts.
"I tried that," Caitlin answered dejectedly. "He claims he loves me, but at the same time he wants to change me."
"He's an arse," LOOK HOW BRITISH I AM Jamie replied, shaking her head in sympathy. "You do remember though that Hermione forbid us both from going into the common room nude."
As if that would actually stop them, especially at this point after Hermie Sue has gotten assimilated into the naturist cult.
Caitlin nodded her head.
"You also know that the first and second years were not a part of the Gryffindor House that accepted us as nudists and gave their blessing for us to be naked."
Caitlin nodded her head again.
"You also realize how much trouble you could potentially get in."
Caitlin nodded her head once more. "I also appreciate that in all likelihood it will mean the end of Matt's and my relationship. Jamie, I'm a naturist. I love being a naturist. I'm proud of who I am and I don't want to change. It's the only way he'll understand."
Jamie got to her feet. "I love you, but you're crazy to do this," she said as she started to unbutton her blouse.
Well, it has actually been a while since Jamie had her moment, apart from stabbing Madam Hooch in her Animagus form.
"What are you doing? Caitlin asked.
"You supported me on Halloween, two years ago. I'm supporting you tonight."
"No! No you can't," Caitlin begged. "You're in your seventh year and Head Girl. I won't let you risk everything you've worked so hard to achieve. Besides, I have to do this on my own. He won't understand otherwise."
"Okay! Have it your way," Jamie said, "but give me a head start so that I can clue in Alex and Amanda. Good luck! I love you!" Jamie put her arms around Caitlin and held her tightly. Then she kissed her on the cheek and headed for the door.
That conflict was over rather quickly.
As Jamie entered the common room, Matt immediately ran up to her. "Have you seen Caitlin? I've been waiting for her all night."
"I was just talking to her," Jamie replied. "She'll be down in a few minutes. You might want to sit down."
"She's going to do what?" Amanda asked, a look of horror on her face as Jamie explained what Caitlin was about to do. "I can't believe you didn't talk her out of it."
Amanda, you´re talking to the girl who started the whole naturist cult and who turned her own simp boyfriend into one as well.
Why would she talk her out of it?
"Amanda, when were we ever successful in talking Jamie out of anything once she set her mind to it?" Alex asked. "Caitlin is no different."
Jamie nodded her head. "If I were in her shoes, I'd likely be doing the same thing. Fortunately, I'm not," she said reaching for Alex's hand.
Their relationship is so pointless.
"Oh! My God! She didn't call it off," Amanda cried, staring at the vestibule to the girls' staircase.
It was only moments before everyone in the Common Room was staring in Caitlin's direction. Some were doing more than staring, as Caitlin tried unsuccessfully to speak about the din.
"What the hell are you doing?" Matt hollered as he ran over to Caitlin. "Are you crazy? Everyone is gawking at you. Go back to your dorm immediately."
"I don't think so," Caitlin said defiantly. "What you see is me! The real me! You can either accept me or reject me, but don't try to change me."
Cut, Caitlin breaks up with Matt.
"Harry, do you think there is something wrong with us? Are we sex maniacs?" Hermione asked, as she and Harry relaxed after a very fulfilling session.
In this fic, they certainly are.
"What would make you ask such a question?" Harry replied.
"I've read in different books that many couples, after they been together for a while, only have sex once a week; some do it even less," Hermione informed him. "You and I seldom miss a night and more often than not do it multiple times."
"The difference could be that we don't have sex," Harry asserted. "We make love."
He held Hermione in his arms, staring lovingly into her face. "I can't believe I was so blind for so many years. All that time we spent together; all those adventures we shared. How could I not see that I'd never be happy with anyone but you?"
Cut, they talk of Draco and Ginny.
We then get to Ron and Sam, with Ron whining about the sex ed.
"Ronald Weasley, don't lie to me," Sam scolded. "I'm your wife. We share good times and bad times. Something is bothering you. Out with it."
"The students hate me," said Ron. "They think I'm a terrible teacher."
"I doubt that," Sam said, encouragingly. "I'm sure you're exaggerating."
Well, in this fic, it´s very common for people to shit on Ron, so I personally don´t think he´s exaggerating.
"No I'm not. You forget that werewolves have very acute hearing," Ron pointed out. "I hear them talking when they think I'm out of range. They all wish they had Ginny for 'Anatomy of the Sexes,' She's the sexy, cool Weasley; the one who's not afraid to tell it like it is. Today, one group actually said that I made Binns seem alive and exciting by comparison."
I laughed the first time I read the "sexy Weasley" line 9 years ago.
"Honestly Ron, it can't be that bad," Sam said supportively. "What do you have the classes do?"
"Read and outline the chapter," Ron answered.
"And once they've outlined the chapter, what then?" Sam pressed
"Then they read and outline the next chapter," Ron answered, sounding as if this was certainly the most logical progression.
"They just read and outline? Don't you ever discuss the material with them?" Sam asked. "I know those textbooks were the best available, but they're old and out of date. They're lacking a lot of important information."
"They're thirteen and fourteen year olds," Ron said in horror. "Half of them are girls. You don't actually expect me to discuss sex with them?"
Anyway, Sam thinks that Ron should actually discuss the contents and then Ron agrees.
Another cut for another boring Ginny/Draco scene.
Friday, September 30, 2005
"This is quickly becoming my least favorite class," Matt said as he and Randy neared the classroom.
"I have the same opinion," Randy agreed. "I can only think of two things good about the class. It's only a single period and it only meets once a week."
"Did you ever think you'd be struggling to keep awake in a sex education class?" Matt asked.
"We wouldn't be if we had a decent teacher," replied Randy. "Kim says that the other professor Weasley is really cool. She discusses everything in the book and even allows them to ask any questions they want. It's just our luck to get the loser Weasley as our professor."
"Speaking of losers, here he comes," Matt said as they were seated. "Wish I had remembered to go back to the dorm for my pillow."
Did you think I was kidding with the Ron bashing?
As Ron entered the room, all the third year Gryffindors, took out their textbooks, anticipating their professor's instructions.
"Textbooks away. You won't need them today," Ron said tensely, as he seated himself on the desk. "You've read the first four chapters. Hopefully, by now, you're bursting with questions."
Tentatively, Michael Hallowell raised his hand. "Professor, must the question be limited to the material in the first four chapters?"
Michaek Hallowell only gets mentioned here because he was only mentioned once at the beginning of the first fic when he was sorted into Gryffindor after Caitlin was.
This is part of Neils lame attempt at emulating JK Rowlings writing style where she namedrops people early in the series only to have these characters play a plot-relevant role later on.
It´s important to remember plot-relevant, as Michael Hallowell only gets mentioned here for a namedrop and then never ever gets relevant ever again.
Ron noticeably gulped, his face already warming. "I'd prefer we concentrate on the material we've all read, but if you have a pressing question, I'll endeavor to deal with it."
"Sir, is there actually a penalty for having sex under age fifteen or is that just a fairy-tale told by our parents to scare us into abstaining?" Michael continued.
I really "love" how utterly sex obsessed Neils version of the wirzarding world is.
Ron relaxed slightly. This wasn't too bad. He could handle this question; it didn't deal with the actual sex act or body parts.
"It's not a myth," Ron began, "and unfortunately many magical parents neglect to inform their children of the consequences. Sexual intercourse prior to age fifteen is considered rape. If the male is fifteen or older he will be sent to Azkaban, the sentence varies depending on the age of the girl involved: the younger the girl, the longer the sentence. If both parties are under age, neither is sent to Azkaban, but rather both taken from their, now declared unfit, parents and placed in a juvenile detention center until they are fifteen."
"Excuse me, sir!" Jennifer asked raising her hand. "What if the girl is fifteen, but not the boy?"
Jennifer, a character who never got mentioned before and never gets relevant again.
Ever noticed how we never have met any of Caitlins female classmates yet?
"Nothing would happen because the spell that causes the names to appear in the Offenders Log would not be triggered," Professor Weasley replied.
Caitlin's hand shot into the air.
"Yes, Miss Potter."
"Then are you in actuality saying that a boy could have sex under fifteen and get away with it, but a girl can't?" she asked.
"The age requirement law applies to both boys and girls, but only girls generate a posting in the log."
....this is so stupid.
"That seems unfair and extremely sexist," Caitlin declared. "What exactly sets off this spell?"
The conversation was going in a direction that was making Ron nervous, but he took a deep breath and said, "Semen. Semen within proximity of the walls of the vagina triggers the spell and causes the names of both offenders to be registered. I don't know exactly how it works, but every female witch born since the early fifteen hundreds has had this as a part of their DNA." Ron hesitated slightly. "Before anyone asks, those rubber things that Muggles use don't prevent detection."
"those rubber things that Muggles use"
I´m sure they all know what condoms are.
And this is still so stupid.
Caitlin appeared to be extremely angry with reference to her newly obtained knowledge. "I don't have a problem so much with the law. Fifteen seems reasonable, but I do have a problem that my own body has somehow been implanted with something that snitches on me. It's an invasion of privacy. Why was this done to only girls?"
"I've never been a great student of history," said Professor Weasley. "In today's world, in most countries, perhaps it wouldn't be necessary. We are, however, talking about a time when girls entered into arranged marriages as early as age ten; an age at which they were not even yet truly a woman.
Considering Neils view of gender, I´m surprised he isnt actually advocating for these views.
Cut for boring.
Cut for a very boring exposition scene where Jamie and Amanda infodump us on for how long Caitlin has been hanging out in the common room nude.
Also, we get introduced to a first year named Evan, who gets involved with Caitlin.
It includes a very creepy scene of him trying to touch Caitlins tampon because he doesnt know what it is.
And yes, this is creepy as hell.
We get back to what is supposed to be the actual plot:
October 30, 2005 Once the golden plates were again clean, Snape stood up. There was a thrill of excitement in the air. "The time has come," Snape said observing the anxious faces before him. "Before we bring the casket in, I would like to say a few words of explanation." Kim looked wide-eyed at Emily. "Did he say casket?" she whispered. Emily didn't answer, but rather uncertainly nodded. "The team from Salem will be arriving at six o'clock tomorrow," Snape announced. "Lessons will end half an hour early so that all students will have time to spruce up and then assemble in front of the castle to greet our guests who will be joining us for the Halloween Feast."
The way he says it sounds like Snape has been under a curse or replaced with a Doppelgänger. "At the feast, our six member team and two alternates will be chosen by an impartial selector: the Goblet of Fire," he said. "Mr. Filch, the casket please."
I actually can´t remember at this point if Filch actually appeared in the Saga so far. Filch approached Snape carrying an extremely old looking wooden chest encrusted with jewels. Snape tapped three times on the top of the casket with his wand and with a creaking sound the lid slowly opened. From the chest, Snape removed a large, roughly hewn wooden cup that was full to the brim with dancing blue-white flames.
Be prepared for the recycled plotlines coming up. "The Goblet of Fire," Snape said, holding up the cup as if to introduce it. "The Goblet will be placed in the entrance hall tonight, where it will be freely accessible to all those wishing to compete. Anybody wishing to participate must write their name and house legibly upon a piece of parchment and drop it into the goblet. Tomorrow evening, the goblet will return the names of the six individuals it judges best to represent the school, along with the names of two alternates.
I´m looking so much forward to spork any of the upcoming fail that comes with that tournament. "Please remember that the placing of your name in the goblet constitutes a binding, magical contract. Do not enter into it lightly. Once your name is selected you are obliged to see the tournament through to the end." "I remind you that first years are not eligible to compete," Snape added. "Do not waste your time submitting your name. It will only win you a night's detention with Mr. Filch. If there are no questions, I think it is time for bed. Good night."
Is it just me or were even second and third years bared from participating in canon? "Jamie, are you going to submit your name?" Caitlin asked eagerly.
Foregone conclusions ahoy.
"I'm not sure," Jamie answered. "You must," Amanda insisted. "You're the best athlete in our house."
This line makes me think of that scene in "Forbiden Fruit the Tempation of Edward Cullen" where one of the Sues friends tells her that she´s an uhmaaaazing singer and should participate in the schools talent contest.
And of course the Main Sue is Gryffindors best athlete. "Okay, I will if you both do," Jamie agreed. "But I'm not athletic," Amanda argued. "Neither am I," Caitlin said adamantly. "Who said you had to be athletic?" Jamie questioned. "The way they talk, the team must be well rounded. I think everyone in the school should submit their names so that the goblet can select the best team possible to compete for Hogwarts."
Jamie, stop it with the fake modesty. "That makes a lot of sense," Alex said, "especially if all the particulars of the contests have been given to the goblet. It alone would know the best combination of skills needed to succeed."
Shut up Alex.
* * * * * October 31, 2005 "This had to be the longest, most boring day ever," Emily moaned as she and Kim filed down the steps, along with the other Slytherins, and lined up in front of the castle with the other houses. "Isn't that how it always goes?" Kim asked. "If you dread an approaching event, time appears to fly. If you're looking forward to something, it always crawls. Did your parents mention what time the train carrying the Americans is scheduled to arrive in Hogsmeade?" "I doubt they'll be arriving by train," answered Emily. "Do you think they'll Apparate then?" asked Kim. "Maybe Americans are allowed to do it at a younger age than us." "I think I recall my Mum saying at least a hundred times that you can't Apparate inside Hogwarts grounds," Emily joked. How is this a joke? "She told me that when The Triwizard Tournament was held here, the students all arrived in really impressive ways. The delegation from Beauxbatons arrived in a gigantic, powder blue, horse-drawn carriage. The carriage was the size of a large house and it was pulled through the air by a dozen winged horses, each the size of an elephant."
More throwbacks to actual canon incoming. "The party from Durmstrang arrived on a sailing ship," Emily continued. "A whirlpool appeared in the very middle of the lake and this magnificent ship just rose up out of it." "Well, in that case I'm sure the Americans will want to put on a fancy show," said Kim. "I wonder what they'll come up with?" "I don't know," Emily answered, "but whatever it is, I wish they'd hurry. It's already after six. I'm hungry and I have to pee."
WHAT IS IT WITH NEIL AND HIS FETISH OF HIS SUES PEEING THEMSELVES? "That would be a nice greeting. As they walk by, you can pee on their feet. I'm sure they'd never forget you," Kim laughed. "It isn't funny,' Emily moaned. "I really need to go."
Cry me a river, Emily. Just then a gigantic shape passed over the treetops of the Forbidden Forest. "What is it?" Marta cried. "I'm not sure," Tyler answered, "but it's huge. I don't see where it is going to land. It's looks bigger than the Quidditch pitch." "It's a carpet," Kim screamed. "A gigantic red, white and blue striped flying carpet."
I can actually see that happening in the HP verse. "Flying carpets are illegal," Denise protested.
Of course Denise or Janice had to turn it into something negative. "Maybe not in the United States," Tyler suggested. "They probably obtained special permission to fly it over Britain. Looks it's going to land on the flat lawn where we had broom flying lesson last year." When the carpet finally came to rest, a small building, sitting in the middle became perceptible. "It's a log cabin," Tyler said in displeasure. "What a bloody disappointment. Based on the size of that carpet, I expected something a great deal more impressive."
He´ll probably whine about it in a video on his youtube channel or his Instagram story. The words had barely left his lips when over a hundred skyrockets zoomed into the air illuminating the grounds with bursts of red, white and blue. Everyone gasped in awe as the pyrotechnics display continued on, increasing in magnitude until the sky was blazing with color and the ground was shaking from the detonations. Finally, in conclusion, there was a huge explosion and the sky glittered with thousands of American flags.
AMERICAAAAA FUCK YEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHH
"Got to give it to the Yanks," Tyler said, "that was pretty impressive." His attention, along with everyone else's, now returned to the smoke obscured log cabin. They waited impatiently for the smoke to clear and the American delegation to exit the log cabin. But as the smoke dissipated, it was apparent that the log cabin was no longer present; a full size replica of the United States White House had replaced it.
Because reasons. "Impressive," Tyler said, biting his lips and nodding his head. "Will you hurry up?" Emily cried, trying to cross her legs without losing her balance.
Well, it´s certainly a while since we heard the word "balance" in this fic. Finally, the doors opened and the American group proceeded down the steps and then across the lawn toward the waiting Hogwarts students. "Oh! No!" Emily cried, as the group neared. "Emily, please tell me you didn't have an accident. Not now, of all times," Kim entreated as she turned toward her best friend.
Yes, this is the cliffhanger. End of Chapter Eleven
The fun starts next chapter, with what will become the main source of conflict for the rest of the fic.
#Hogwarts Overexposed#Hogwarts Exposed#Hogwarts Exposed sporking#Neil#Harry Potter#Hermione Granger#bad fanfiction#Mary Sue#Mary Sues#Jamie Zacherley#Kim Thatcher#Caitlin Garrison#Emily Zacherley#Samantha Bowman#Ron Weasley#Rose Potter#Ginny Weasley#Draco Malfoy#nudism#naturism#sporking
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Hogwarts Overexposed Chapter 10: Twists and Turns
Welcome back, yet again. It´s already been several months since the last time I sporked this fic, and today was th only day I really had time to do the spork.
Despite the title of the chapter being "Twists and Turns", this truly is a very boring chapter.
Let´s get in.
Monday, September 5, 2005
What a difference a year makes, Emily thought to herself as she watched Kim sleeping contentedly. When they first met, Kim was the shyest, most worried first year you could ever imagine. I honestly love how this has to repeated again and again, instead of actually being shown her character developement. Her anxiety was only amplified when her dorm-mates mistakenly jumped to the conclusion that she was a nudist and she ended up having to live the lie.
Why are we told things we already know?
Back then, Kim couldn't wait to close her bed hangings in order to hide her embarrassment at being naked. Now her hangings were wide open and Kim was sleeping coverless, her loveliness completely exposed. One might even say Overexposed!
Cut for boring talks and yet another argument with Janice and Denise - who are the same person essentially - who call Kim and Emily Queer.
"We're not done yet," Emily said, smirking. "Remember, I promised to soap you up."
Oh no -_- "I don't think we should do that," Kim said, suddenly sounding quite serious. "I'm afraid I might like it." Before Emily could respond, Marta considering that her name is spelled "Marta" instead of the typical english spelling "Martha", does that mean that she´s hungarian? entered the room. At first she just stared at them, without speaking. "You guys really do love each other, don't you?" she asked, seeming very impressed. "But not in the way you tried to make Denise and Janice believe." "We're not gay if that's what you mean," Kim admitted, "but I'd do anything for Emily. Other than my Mum, I've never loved a person so much."
At this point it´s not entirely clear if she´s referring to her late biological mother or Hermione, as Jamie and Emilys parents have more or less become forgotten after the end of Too Exposed. "I love her as much as I do Jamie and Caitlin. She's my sister," Emily avowed. Marta studied them both cautiously as if she had something significant to share, but was extremely tentative. "Kim, did you mean what you said? Do you really not let sexual orientation affect how you feel about people? How about you, Emily? Do you think people who are gay are weird?"
I think this is just again a good place to remind people that Neil feels creeped out by gay men, but seems to go with the "girl on girl is hot" trope that´s become increasingly frawned upon since then.
And keep in mind these girls are around 12-14, which makes it even creepier. Emily wavered, not certain just how much private information about herself she wanted to reveal to Marta with her answer. "I treat people the way they treat me," she said. "Their sexual preferences are their own business." She faltered before adding, "It's not right for me to judge other people, when I can't even completely figure myself out. I'm only twelve, but I'm pretty sure I'm heterosexual." She took a deep breath. "But there is a good chance I might be bisexual." "Why are you asking all these questions?" Kim asked. "Because it's hard to always be hiding your true feelings. It would be nice to have someone you could trust; someone you could let your guard down in front of." It was Marta's turn to take a deep breath. "Becky and I are a couple," she said quickly and then waited for a response.
Dun dunn duuuunnnnnnnn "How long have you been together?" was the first question out of Kim's mouth. "We've known each other since we were five," Marta answered, "but we've only been doing things to each other since we were ten."
"....doing thigs to each other since we were ten"
NEIL YOU SICKO "Ten?" Emily repeated in amazement. "You both knew you were gay at ten?" "Not for sure. We just knew we liked to touch each other and be touched. It wasn't until we met you two that we were sure we were homosexuals," Marta explained.
Does this sound like something a 12 year old would say? "What did we have to do with it?" Kim asked. Marta face turned a bright red. "Well, to be perfectly honest, the two of you running around in the buff all the time got both Becky and I rather keyed up." Emily and Kim exchanged nervous looks. "Don't worry, neither of us ever considered approaching either of you. We had each other to satisfy our wants. FUCK YOU NEIL FUCK YOU Besides, you both had us somewhat confused as to whether you liked boys or girls or both." "Do we still get you excited?" Kim asked uncertainly. "You both have attractive bodies, and Becky and I admittedly enjoy looking at you; similar to how someone looks at sexy pictures in a magazine." NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO THIS IS SO WRONG FUCK YOU NEIL Marta paused. "I'm only confiding all this to you because we're tired of hiding our feelings. We want to be open about how we feel about each other, but we'd like to know that at least you two supported us." "You both supported us last year," Emily said, without faltering. "I'll be there for you." "That goes for me too," Kim said. "But...." "You want to know how we can be sure about our feelings and choices," Marta said, as if reading Kim's mind. "We can't be absolutely positive. The two of us only know how we feel when we're together and neither of us wants that feeling to ever end." "I envy you both," Emily sighed. "I hope you both still feel the same about each other a hundred years from now." "I hope you and Kim both still share the marvelous friendship you have," Marta said sincerely. "I also hope that knowing about Becky and I won't make you self-conscious in front of us." "Not in the least," Emily replied. "I can't think of any circumstances in which I'd prefer to be clothed rather than nude."
Because the token lesbian couple can´t possibly com out as a couple on their own without the help of the Sues.
* * * * *
When Emily and Kim returned to the dorm after completing their showers, they found Becky and Marta both sitting on Becky's bed talking conspiratorially. The four girls exchanged knowing smiles as Kim and Emily dressed for breakfast.
Getting dressed must be torture for them. "Did I miss a lot on Thursday and Friday?" Emily asked concernedly. "Not really," Kim said. "It was mostly review of stuff we learned last year. Today should be interesting though. This morning we have our first 'Anatomy of the Sexes' class with Professor Weasley, and then this afternoon Professor Longbottom is going to have us transplant Mandrakes in Herbology."
The "Anatomy of the Sexes" part is going to lead to one of the most infamous scenes from this fic.
Wait, you thought it was over once the long awaited freudian "Hooch gets impaled by a Unicorn" scene?
Think again. "Which one of the Weasleys do we have, the male or the female?" Emily asked. "The one with boobs," -____- Kim answered. "She is teaching first and second years." "Somehow I doubt we'll learn anything in that class," Emily said assuredly. "I just can't picture Professor Weasley discussing sex frankly with a room full of twelve year olds, and the textbook looks like it is out of the Dark Ages." "I think she'll be much better than her brother," Kim answered. "He's teaching the third and fourth years."
Because even Kim needs to join in on the Ron bashing that´s so prevalent in this Saga. "You guys about ready?" Becky asked, giving Kim and Emily a smile. "As soon as I slip on my skirt," Emily said, adjusting her mini. "I can't believe you two tarts," Denise said with revulsion. "OMG you guys are so scary!" said Britney "It's bad enough neither of you ever wear bras, but how can you parade around in such short skirts without knickers?" Neither girl verbally answered Denise. Emily did, however, bend over while lifting her skirt to moon Denise and Janice and showed them her middle finger. As they neared the door to their dorm room, Becky and Marta exchanged nervous glances before reaching out and clutching each other's hand tightly. "What do you say?" Emily asked, giving Kim a devilish smile. "Should we give the school something to really talk about?" "That depends on what you have in mind," Kim answered coyly. "I have no problem with you holding my hand, but I'll scream if you grab my butt in public."
The latter is something that is rather in character for Emily. "Would I do that?" Emily asked, starting to slip her hand under Kim's skirt. Kim slapped her hand away. "You're worse than Randy."
Randy, who gets more and more forgotten as this fic goes along.
Speaking of Randy, his character is so pointless and with no characterisation whatsoever that I can´t help but imagine him to look like the NPC meme.
(couldnt find a gif of the meme, but this one extols the same energy) "Speaking of Randy, how are the two of you getting along?" Emily asked. "Have you heard anything from Brian?"
Isnt it interesting that Kim falls in love with an American the summer before Hogwarts is having a big event competing with a magical school from the US?
"Now what's going on?" Harry said, looking dumbfounded, as he realised he had been transported into a bizarro fanfic where he for years acted out of character surrounded by Mary Sues! Becky and Marta entered the Great Hall followed closely by Kim and Emily, both couples holding hands.
Oh, the horror!
"I'm not sure I want to know," Hermione said shaking her head in consternation.
"You don't think they're, what do they call it, coming out of the closet... do you?" Harry asked.
"I don't know," Hermione answered, looking rather bewildered. "It would seem to me that twelve would be rather young to be sure of one's sexual penchant. Although I did notice what seemed to be a definite magnetism between Marta and Becky last year."
Which is something she only talks about now.
"Neither of them is my daughter," Harry said, alarm evident in his voice. "What about Emily and Kim? I thought they both were fond of boys."
Cut for a lengthy section of Becky and Martas big coming out along with big praise for the Sues that goes on forever.
Emily gave Kim an angry look, but before she could reply, there was a rushing sound overhead and her attention was drawn to the arrival of a hundred or so owls. The owls circled the hall, dumping letters and packages into the chattering crowd.
This is apparently a big thing. Uncharacteristically, the hall suddenly became extremely quiet. Emily looked toward the head table expecting to see the Headmaster standing ready to speak, but instead she saw what had caused everyone in the room to become hushed. There was a large screech owl circling the head table. That was not unusual because the staff received mail regularly. What had gotten everyone's attention was the red envelope clutched in the owl's beak. "One of the Professors is getting a Howler," Caitlin whispered to her sister.
MUH G00000D
I've never seen that before in my seven years," Jamie said aghast. "Who would be so disrespectful as to send a professor a howler when they are surrounded by students?"
Ah, the Purity Sue in Jamie speaks again. It´s been a while. "I wonder who it's for?" Caitlin asked, but the words had barely escaped her lips, when the owl came to rest next to the Headmaster and politely offered the letter to him.
Well, at least the owl is polite. Katie and Severus exchanged edgy looks and then Katie did something she had never done before in public. She placed her hand reassuringly on top of Severus', reciting the Blessing of Aharon. "You better open it," she said in an apprehensive whisper. "They only get worse the longer you delay. Best you get it over with." "Who would be so juvenile and discourteous as to send the Headmaster a Howler?" Hermione asked disgustedly. "And at breakfast, of all times." "I would be willing to venture a guess," Harry said, a bad taste residing in his mouth, but it looks like we're all about to find out."
The way it is written makes it look like it´s something Harry said in all one sentence. Severus stretched out his hand, relieved the envelop from the owl's beak, and slit it open. For a moment it seemed like the envelope had exploded; a roar of sound filled the Great Hall.
"--JUST WHO THE BLOODY HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? --"
Percy Weasley's voice roared, a hundred times louder than normal. The students stared at the head table, as the bellowing voice echoed off the stonewalls of the hall,
"THE STORY THAT APPEARED IN THE DAILY PROPHET DID SO WITH MY APPROVAL. I PERSONALLY VERIFIED ALL THE DETAILS. HOW DARE YOU HAVE THE GALL TO SUGGEST THAT I, THE MINISTER OF MAGIC, WOULD APPROVE A STORY THAT WAS NOT FULLY FACTUAL? "WHEN I ATTENDED HOGWARTS SCHOOL OF WITCHCRAFT AND WIZARDRY, I CONSIDERED YOU TO BE A PROFESSIONAL, COMPETENT TEACHER. IT IS REGRETFUL THAT YOU HAVE FALLEN VICTIM TO THE LIES OF HARRY POTTER AND HIS MISGUIDED LEGION. "I AM NOT A SPITEFUL OR VENGEFUL MAN AND UNDERSTAND THAT EVEN THE BEST OF US OCCASIONALLY FALTER. SHOULD YOU, HOWEVER, CONTINUE TO MISLEAD THE STUDENTS OF HOGWARTS, IT WILL BE MY SAD DUTY TO SEEK YOUR DISMISSAL AS HEADMASTER. Sincerely, Percy Weasley Minister of Magic
Oh well. Again, how am I supposed to take him serious as an antagonist?
Snape calmly rose to his feet as the letter burst into flames. "It is at times like these that people, even students as young as yourselves, are required to make choices, tough choices. I propose that you make your future decisions based on past history. When Lord Voldemort returned in the nineteen-nineties and sought to once again rule our world, Harry Potter and former Headmaster Albus Dumbledore attempted to warn the wizarding world. The Ministry and The Daily Prophet disparaged them both. Fortunately, we learned before it was too late who was giving us truthful information. We should learn from history where to place our trust."
This whole plot recycling after the release of the fifth book makes it all seem so forced and ridicculous.
And keep in mind, all the things from the fifth year onward from both the fics he stole it from are still canon inside this fic together with actual canon! Without further comment Snape took his seat. At first, the Great Hall remained quiet. Then as the students rose to their feet in order to head for their first class of the day, the talk became incessant.
* * * * *
"What if he has you removed as Headmaster?" Katie asked concernedly. "Where will you go? What will you do?" She grasped Severus' hand. "What will become of us?"
Remember:
Snape and Katie Bell are an actual couple in this fic now.
And no, his infatuation with his former students are never called out on.
"The Ministry has absolutely no authority when it comes to running Hogwarts," Severus said confidently. "Albus Dumbledore took care of that after all the difficulty with Fudge and that vicious Umbridge woman. Only the school Board of Governors can remove the Headmaster and that takes a two-thirds majority."
Umbridge, who now officially is part of the canon and hasnt been mentioned until this very point.
The most fun part about is that this fic is getting it´s own form of Umbridge in the next chapter. Just not as well written.
"But what if he goes to the Board and they agree to remove you?" Katie asked, not convinced that Severus' job was secure.
"As long as I have the support of Harry, Hermione and Ron, I'm not concerned," Severus explained. "There are a lot of new, younger Board members now; they respect the Covenant and won't be easily bamboozled by someone like Percy Weasley. Besides, I doubt he'll even approach them. He won't want to take the chance of looking weak if they refused his request."
"No matter what happens, I'll be by your side," Katie declared.
"I knew I could count on that," Severus replied, with a smile.
And now, let´s get back to the most important stuff:
"You never answered my question this morning," Emily said, as she and Kim took seats next to each other for their first 'Anatomy of the Sexes' class. "Has Brian written you at all?"
Kim didn't answer, but instead glowed pink as she held up six fingers.
"He's written you six letters," Emily said excitedly. "You must have really made an impression on him."
"I like him, too," Kim said shyly. "If only he wasn't a Muggle. It makes things so complicated. Even posting him a letter is a pain."
FORESHADOWING
"When are you going to tell Randy?" Emily asked.
Randy who?
"I don't know what to do where he is concerned," Kim said concernedly. "He's really nice and I don't want to hurt him. He lost Caitlin to Matt and you to Tyler. If I break up with him, it will be a nasty blow to his ego. Besides, what are the odds of Brian and I ever even seeing each other again, let alone becoming a couple? He's in the United States and I'm here."
I don´t remember it ever actually being stated that Kim and Randy were an official couple.
"I understand where you are coming from," Emily said supportively, "but somehow it just seems wrong to leave Randy under the impression that he is the foremost guy in your life when you are writing Brian. How about Brian, does he know about Randy?"
"No," Kim said hanging her head. "I was afraid he'd stop writing if he knew I had a boyfriend."
This drama seems even more ridicculous when you realise what a non-entity so far, he was just "there", but never had any character arc or any other thing going on apart from being one of Caitlins simps.
The girls' conversation was brought to a halt by Ginny bringing the class to order.
"You won't be needing your wands in this class," she said with a smile. "We'll be talking about a different kind of magic; the magic of love, intimacy, conception and birth. Although we will be following the printed guidelines in your textbooks, I want you to feel free to ask questions at any time and I'll do my best to answer them. Since this is our first session together, I think we should get to know each other. Suppose you each stand and introduce yourself. Then ask me a question that has been on your mind. Who wants to start?"
The way she talks makes me think about that one American Dad episode where they had sex ed and Steve gets laughed at for a stupid question.
The students all exchanged glances, but no one raised their hand.
"I realize that you're all nervous," Professor Weasley said. "You probably aren't used to discussing sex in a mixed group. Thought was initially given to having separate classes for boys and girls, but the final decision was that you should be taught together. Would anyone like to venture a guess as to why it was decided it was best to instruct you as a mixed group?"
At first no one moved, but then a hand timidly rose. "Yes, Miss Thatcher. What do you think was the reason?"
"We'll all be having sex together, so we should learn about it together," Kim said softly.
This is so stupid.
"Hopefully not all at once," Ginny said, straight faced.
When the inference of what Ginny had said settled in, the class broke into laughter. Even Kim laughed at her slip.
"That would be called an orgy, and something we hopefully won't be discussing," Professor Weasley said with a laugh as she put her hand on Kim's shoulder. "We all know what you meant, but I appreciate you breaking the tension. We will also be discussing same-sex relationships, but for the moment, let's confine our discussion to heterosexual, or boy/girl relationships."
This delivery sounds so natural.
As the giggles subsided, Emily's hand went in the air.
Oh no.....
"Our first question," Ginny said, her voice sounding both pleased and edgy.
"Emily Zacherley-Potter," she said in introduction. "I've been a nudist all my life. That doesn't necessarily give me a heads up when it comes to knowledge about sex, but I probably have seen more naked people than anyone else in the room. I've noticed that some men have extremely large things. What happens if you fall in love with someone and it doesn't fit in your twat when you want to make love?"
FUCK YOU NEIL, FUCK YOU!
Cut, this goes on for so long.
The section ends with Kim announcing that she really loves observing penises.
Cut for a boring scene with Caitlin and Matt, who among other things discuss why Percy doesnt believe her testimony.
We then cut to Ginny and Draco:
"Red, have you ever thought about having kids?" Draco asked, ostensibly out of nowhere, as they headed for lunch.
Because in this Saga, that´s all women are made for.
Ginny stopped abruptly and gawked open mouthed at him. Draco normally avoided any words in conversation that started with letters in the middle of the alphabet such as L for love and M for marriage. So, of course, Ginny never expected to ever hear him utter the K word.
As in the K word in Afrikaans?
"Draco, I come from a large family. Naturally I've thought of having children; not as many as my Mum, of course, but I'd like at least two." Ginny quickly recovered as she kept in mind Draco's usual aversion of any discussion involving marriage. "But it's not something I desperately want," she lied. "I'm content teaching and having you as a lover."
Keep in mind that in this Saga, Mrs Weasley had even more children, as there were two sisters who got killed by Death Eaters shortly before Voldemorts defeat.
Come to think of it, they also haven´t been mentioned since the first fic.
"You like Timmy, don't you?" Draco asked.
"Of course I do," Ginny answered. Suddenly there was concern in her voice. "Draco, please tell me that you're not thinking of trying to take him away from Sam and Ron again."
Even Neil has gotten tired of that already ridicculous plot.
"No! I couldn't do that," Draco replied despondently. "Sam loves him too much. Besides, she's a great mother. Your git of a brother isn't half bad as a surrogate father either. Plus, they've both been first-rate by allowing me to play an ever-increasing part in Timmy's up bringing. I was more thinking of a kid I could be with from the moment he popped out of the oven."
"Have you given any thought as to how old you want to be when you conceive this progeny?" Ginny asked sheepishly.
"That's the tough part," Draco grumbled. "I don't want to wait until I'm an old fart that can't even straddle a broom anymore to teach his kid how to play Quidditch. Yet, I don't want to toss aside my wild youthful years and settle down with one woman too quickly. Maybe I'll be ready when I'm about twenty-five."
Cut for boring, it ends with Draco proposing to her - and this time Neil remembers that her full first name is Ginevra, not Virginia, as she was called in the first two fics.
We get another boring scene with Caitlin and Matt, in which the sudden character assasination Matt begins.
Matt is suddenly evil because he wants Caitlin to wear knickers so others can´t look up her skirt.
Caitlin is not very pleased with this, and thinks about an answer for later.
We then get back to the actual plot of the Saga:
"Can you remember the names of anymore of these Death Eaters?" Salazar Slytherin asked. "They sound like the type of people that would readily support me."
Goyle shook his head. "We were just ending our seventh year when He-Who-Must-Not-Be Named was defeated. Many of his followers were killed in battles preceding his demise."
Goyle saying this. Just look at that dialogue. Slytherin paced the room for a few moments in silence, before speaking again. "You will first personally contact all the living former Death Eaters. I want you to offer them the opportunity to unreservedly join me. They should provide us with a strong nucleus." "What if they refuse?" Crabbe asked anxiously. "That would be extremely unwise of them," Slytherin sighed. "I would certainly prefer if everyone that joined my cause did so of their own free will, but I'm not beyond offering incentives. People often change their minds when faced with the loss of something or someone they feel great affection for.
How considerate of him. "Then we will procure as much information as we can on deceased and imprisoned Death Eaters. Their progeny should be eager to avenge their parents. If not, I will offer them an enticement as well. Thanks to the new Minister of Magic, we should have a sizeable organization assembled before the wizard world is even aware of my reincarnation."
Remember all the talk about the resurrected Salazar Slytherin being way worse than Voldemort?
Look at the dialogue here.
* * * * * Jamie grabbed the books off her bed and hurried out of the seventh year girls' dormitory to join Alex and Amanda, who were already in the common room. As she was about to pass the third year dorm, the door opened and Caitlin slowly emerged.
The way this is written makes it sounds as if Caitlin appeared as a ghostly apparition. "What are you doing!?" Jamie asked, coming to an abrupt halt. "I'm about to give Matt an answer," Caitlin answered, trying to hold back her tears. "No you're not," Jamie barked. "At least not until I know the question." End of Chapter 10
Finally.
All the real stuff this fic is particularly famous for begins in the next chapter.
#Hogwarts Exposed#Hogwarts Overexposed#Hogwarts Exposed sporking#sporking#bad fanfiction#Harry Potter#Hermione Granger#Jamie Zacherley#Caitlin Garrison#Emily Zacherley#Kim Thatcher#Rose Potter#Neil#Percy Weasley#Ron Weasley#Howlers
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