#but like fr i could see andrew as a delivery driver

[moonsnqil]

au where andrew is a ups driver (he likes driving and he's alone all day, it's a good fit imo) and he keeps having to deliver these giant fucking boxes to this one house on his route until finally he sees the guy and oh no he's hot but andrew is in the middle of carrying a box that's taller than he is and he's Over It so he gracelessy drops the box on neil's doorstep. neil (just returned from a run, sweaty, slightly out of breath) asks what andrew's grudge is with his order. andrew glares and tries to ignore neil's stupid blue eyes, he asks wtf could neil possibly be ordering on a monthly basis that requires a 5 foot something package. neil, 100% serious, says he's collecting famous exy rackets (he's got a lot of blood money and has a hobby yknow). its the dumbest thing andrew has ever heard and he says as much. idk something something, neil says a smartass remark, they keep this up with every delivery until allison (who was at neil's place just to spy on the delivery guy) tells them to stop flirting and get a room. they don't but they do go out (it's not a date bc andrew doesn't do "dates" (it's a date))

[dukereviewsmovies]

Duke Reviews: Fast Five

Hi Everyone, I'm Andrew Leduc And Welcome To Duke Reviews Where We Continue Our Look At The Fast And Furious Series By Looking At The 5th Installment, Fast Five...

In This Movie, We Find Dom, Brian And Mia On The Run From DDS Agent Luke Hobbs (Played By Dwayne "You're Welcome" Johnson)...

And Police Officer Elena Neves (Played By Elsa "Wife Of Thor" Pataky) While Also Planning Another Heist This Time Against Corrupt Buisnessman, Hernan Reyes (Played By Joaquim De Almeida) But In Order To Pull This Off They're Going To Need The Help Of Some Old Friends...

So, Let's Talk About Fast Five To See If It's As Good As The Last Movie...

The Movie Starts Where The Last One Left Off With Brian (Played By Paul Walker) Mia (Played By Jordana Brewster) And Leo And Rico Driving Off To Rescue Dom (Played By Vin Diesel) From The Prison Bus To Lompoc...

After The Title Card We Get Some News Reports On Brian, Dom And Mia (Including One From Kent Shockneck And If You're Reading This We Love Ya, Kent) Before We Go To Rio...

No Offense But Why Do Movie Characters Always Go To Rio? They're Hiding Out There, The Incredible Hulk Hid Here, Bella And Edward Had Their Honeymoon, Max Bialystock And Leo Bloom Wanted To Hide Out Here..

(Start At 0:46, End At 1:20)

Rio Looks Like A Beautiful City But Please Movie Writers Send Your Characters Somewhere Else I'm Tired Of Seeing Rio In Movies I Half Expect These Characters To Run Into One Another!...

Anyway, With Dom On The Run, Brian And Mia Go To Rio To See...

Vince...

Yep, Vince Is Still Alive After Nearly Dying At The Hands Of That Truck Driver In The Original Movie And He's Not Half Of The Pain In The Butt He Was In The First Movie Either, He Settled Down In Rio, Started A Family, He Has A Son...

They Ask If Dom's Arrived But Unfortunately He Hasn't And The Last Time Vince Heard From Him He Was In Ecuador A Few Weeks Ago. Having Dinner That Night, Vince Talks About How He Ended Up In Rio, Saying That After Brian Screwed Everything Up He Ended Up Drinking His Way Across South America And It Would Have Continued If Not For His Wife, Rosa...

Meanwhile, Mia Spends Her Time With Vince's Wife, Rosa Who Discovers That Mia Is Pregnant And That Neither Dom Nor Brian Know...

Talking With Both Brian And Mia, Vince Talks About A Job Coming Up That Despite Dom Not Being Here They Can Do Themselves Coulple High End Cars, Easy Targets And Someone Vince Knows Is Putting Together A Team To Swipe Them All They're Going To Need Is A Few More Willing Participants...

But Brian Isn't Sure But Vince Tells Him That With The Way The Car Scene Works In Rio They Can Unload Them Quick And Get Good Money And From His Point Of View Brian And Mia Could Use A Little Cash..

The Next Morning, Brian And Mia Are On-Board A Train Where Mia Is Looking At A Travel Guide Until They Get The Signal To Which They Digitally Copy The Conductor's Pass So They Can Create A Card To Open The Doors, Finding The Right Area, They Get The Covers Off As People Outside Weld Their Way In...

(End At 5:24)

Once They Come Up For Air, Dom And Brian Are Taken By The Other Guys Who Work For Hernan Reyes Who Is Probably The Worst Bad Guy These Films Have Ever Had And That Includes Verone...

Look At Him, This Guy Doesn't Even Match Up To What Braga Was In The Last Movie!

Anyway, Reyes That If He Tells Them Where The Car Is He'll Let Them Go But Brian Saying That Reyes Is Full Of Crap Leads Reyes To Threaten To Come After Mia...

(Acting Like Liam Neeson) And I Will Kill Her...

Dom Gets Outs Out Of His Bonds Once Reyes Is Gone So He Can Continue Beating The Crap Out Of His Men While Brian...Kicks Them...Yay...Don't Quit Your Day Job, Brian...

Reuniting With Mia, She Wonders Where Vince Is Which Brian Says Is A Good Question But If That's Not All, Mia Has More Bad News, Everyone Is Blaming Them For The Death Of Some DEA Agents That Were On The Train, Which Means They're Now America's Most Wanted And They Got To Get Out Of There But Dom's Not Going Anywhere Yet Because Reyes Wanted This Car And He Wants To Find Out Why...

That Night, DDS Luke Hobbs Arrives In Rio And How Do I Describe Hobbs In This Movie? Well, To Put It In Musical Terms Consider Him The Javert To Dom's Valjean...

Talking With The Chief Of Police, Hobbs Tells Him That He Wants 2 Things ,1. He Needs A Translator For Which He Chooses Elena Neves And The Other Thing Is To Stay The Hell Out Of His Way...

Back At The Garage, Vince Returns With Both Brian And Dom Asking Where He's Been Turns Out There Are Guys Around The Favelas Asking About Them And He Couldn't Get Out Of There Without Leading Them Straight To Them However Brian's Not Buying It...

But That Night, Dom Sees Vince Going To Get A Microchip Out Of The Car Confirming Brian's Suspicions Of Vince's Involvement With Reyes...

(Start At 0:19, End At 1:39)

Meanwhile, Hobbs Looks At The Train As Officer Elena Neves Arrives On The Scene, And How Do I Explain Her? Well, Consider Her Dom's Love Interest For This Movie And The Next Movie Anyway, Wondering Why Hobbs Wanted Her Turns Out The Reason Is Because He Thinks That She's Motivated And That She's The Only Officer That Can't Be Bought...

One Of Hobbs Men Comes To Him With Some Good News And Bad News, Good News Is They Found The Spots Where They Unloaded The Cars And The Bad News Is The Ground Rolls Into A Hard Pack And They Lost The Track But Reyes Points Out That Road Heads Toward The Favelas...

The Next Morning, They Look At The Chip And Discover That It's A Delivery Schedule And What's Better Each Shipment Is Worth $10 Million Dollars And What's Even Better Is 100 Million In Cash Houses..

Discovering That This Is Reyes Entire Network On A Chip, They Got Bigger Problems As Reyes Boys Come In For An Attack And What's Worse, Hobbs Isn't Too Far Behind...

(End At 2:56)

Reuniting With Mia And Brian, Dom Thinks It's Best If They All Split Up, But Mia Doesn't Want That Telling Them The Truth That She's Pregnant...

With Brian Happy At The News, Dom Agrees From Now On They Stick Together...

Searching Where Dom Was, Reyes Thinks That Something Doesn't Add Up But Hobbs Just Sees Them As Names On A List That Need To Be Taken Down Asking If His Men Have Anything, One Of Them Mentions That The Vehicle Belongs To Reyes. To Neves Says That If Anything Illegal Is Happening In Rio Then Reyes Is Involved Which Gets Hobbs Interested In Him...

Hiding At Someplace, Brian Talks To Dom While Mia Is Sleeping About Their Father...

With Dom Asking About Brian's Father He Tells Him That He Doesn't Remember Anything About Him Because He Was Never There. Telling Dom They Need To Get Out, Dom Says He Has A Plan On How They're Going To Do It And It Involves Reyes Chip, They're Going To Use It To Steal All Of Reyes Money And Then Disappear But Brian Points Out That In Order To Do This They're Going To Need A Team...

To Start First, They're Going To Need A Chameleon, Someone To Blend In Anywhere And For That They Choose Han, Second, They're Going To Need A Fast Talker Someone Who Can Talk Their Way Out Of Anything And For That They Get Brian's Old Friend, Roman Pierce, 3rd, They're Also Going To Need Someone Good At Circuits, So, Brian Brings In Tej Who Lost His Horrible Afro!

4, They're Going To Need Guys That Can Punch Through Walls For Which They Bring In Leo And Rico For Some Reason? 5, They're Going To Need Someone Good At Utilities And Weapons, Basically Someone Who's Not Afraid To Get Into A Fight For Which They Bring In Giselle And Lastly They Need 2 Precision Drivers Guys That Never Lose For Which They Choose Themselves...

No Offense, Guys We Know You're Going To Be On The Team No Matter What But You Couldn't Pick 2 Other Precision Drivers To Back You Up Maybe Leon Or Suki, Perhaps?

With Tej And Roman Being The First Ones To Arrive, It's Funny As Hell These Guys Are So Good Together To The Point I Wouldn't Mind Seeing Them Get Their Own Spin-Off Movie...

With Giselle Being The Next To Arrive, She's Less Than Nice...

Don't Make Me Kill You Like I Did Maxwell Lord!

Leo And Rico Are The Next To Arrive And They Talk In Spanish...

And With Han Being The Last Looks Like The Gang's All Here As Dom, Brian And Mia Enter To Fill Them In...

With All Of Them In, Han Makes A Point In Saying That One Cash House Is Robbed The Rest Will Be Moved Into One Area...

So, What Do They Do? They Attack One Of The Houses Where They Tie Everyone Up, Take Off Their Masks And Burn The Cash This Time As...

Meanwhile Hobbs Boys Fix The Car And Discover That They Took The Microchip For It While Also Hearing About An Armed Robbery On Reyes Corporations To Which Neves Knows Immediately That It Was Dom...

Telling Reyes That Dom And His Crew Burned The Money, Reyes Wants All Of His Money Under Lock And Key Within The Hour...

With Each Member At A Location They Follow It To One Location, Police Headquarters...

With The Mission Getting A Lot Harder, Dom Believes That This It Doesn't Change A Thing And They Should Stick To The Plan...

Meanwhile Hobbs Looks At Traffic Cams At The Time Of The Robbery And Zooms Into A 1970 Charger To See 2 People Wearing Ski Masks But Running It Through FRS To See That It's Dom...

That Night, Reyes Visits The Police Who Have His Money Under Lock And Key In A Safe, Asking About Dom And Brian They Say That They're Looking For Them But That's Not Apparently Enough As Reyes Decides To Place A Price On Their Heads So High That Every Eye In The City Will Be Looking For Them...

Back At Dom's HQ, Mia Shows Some Blueprints Of The Police Station She Got From Police HQ, But Unfortunately It Doesn't Say What Type Of Safe They're Using So, They Decide To Run A Stealth Mission To Find Out, Using Roman To Get Their Eyes In There...

With Tej Getting An RC Car With A Camera On It Out Of The Box That Roman Gave To The Police Officer That Kicked Him Out...

Seeing The Safe, Tej Knows Immediately That This One Is Going To Be Hard To Crack...

Then Leo And Rico Go In And Place An Explosive In The Toilet Pipes, EW! So, They Can Go In And Drill Into The Wall So They Can Set Up Connections To The Cameras At Police HQ To Their Laptop...

The Cameras Apparently Have Marker Optics With 100 Degree Field Of View That Oscilates Every 10 Seconds Which Means They're Going To Need Really Fast Cars To Do This...

With Everyone Building A Track, Dom And Brian Go Out To Grab Some Cars By Checking Out The Street Racing Scene By Talking To A Racer Who Thinks That Dom's Car Is A Worthy Trophy For Anyone To Have In His Garage Which Leads Him To Challenge Dom For Pink Slips And That's The Last Mistake That S.O.B. Will Ever Make...

With Brian Running The Car On The Track, The Camera's They Have Set Up Unfortunately Spots Him, So, They Decide To Get Different Cars With Different Drivers...

But All Of Them Are Seen!

Of Course They're Seen! No Car Can Truly Be Invisible Unless That Car Is Being Driven By James Bond!

Anyway, Han Gets A Copy Of The Exact Same Safe That Is In Police Headquarters Which Tej Is Going To Work On Cracking However, They're Forgetting About One Thing, The Handprint Scanner, Yep They're Going To Need Reyes Handprint In Order To Get This To Work, So, They Use Giselle And Han To Get It...

While Monitoring Reyes, Han Asks Giselle About Her Military History While She Bring Up How He Used To Be A Smoker...

Yeah, Guys This Is Great And All But Now's Not A Good Time To Be Playing The Dating Game, You Guys Should Be Monitoring Rey.....es.....

Returning With The Print, Tej Only Has One Question....

Please Answer It!

Thank You, Cher I Needed That...

While My Interest In Gal Gadot Blinded Me, The Entire Team Has Just Become Wanted Criminals By Hobbs As Brian Explains That He's The Guy The FBI Gets Whenever They Want Somebody...

With Han Asking Dom To Move Up Their Timeline, Dom Has An Idea Where They're All Confronted By Hobbs At A Street Race Where He Attempts To Arrest Them...

(Start At 0:14, End At 2:01)

With Hobbs Walking Off, Dom Gains A Win As Tej Plants A Tracker On Their Van....

With Neves Going Home For The Night, She Finds Dom In Her House Just To Get Letty's Necklace Back

Yeah, I Agree With Mrs. Hemsworth Here, Why Bother Coming Back For A Lousy Necklace?

It's Worth It? No Offense But That's BULL! Nothing Is Worth Getting Arrested Not Even Getting Back A Necklace That Belonged To Someone You Lost!

Telling Dom That He Should Run Because Hobbs Will Eventually Find Him However She's More Interested On Why He Stays When He Should Run Which Leads Him To Ask Her The Same Question Which Leads Neves To Talk About Her Dead Husband...

Realizing Dom Didn't Kill The Men On The Train, She Asks If Letty Was Special To Him? Which Leads Him To Say That He Never Thought That Anyone Could Understand How Much...

Back At Dom's HQ, Everyone Continues Testing Cars That Just Keep On Failing Because (As Han Points Out) The Window Of Time Is Just Too Small And The Only Way They'll Ever Do It Is If Their Cars Are Invisible Which Is (As I Pointed Out Earlier) Impossible...

However, Dom Says He Knows Just Where To Get The Cars...

All Right, I'll Bite, Where, Dom?

They Drive To Police Headquarters To Swipe A Few Police Cars...

So, With Dom, Brian, Roman And Han In Police Cars They Decide To Do A Small Race With The Winner Getting An Extra Million...

With Roman In The Lead, Dom Eventually Takes Over That Lead With The Race Being Anyone's Game But It's Brian That Wins The Race, However It's Implied By Roman And Han That Dom Let Him Win...

The Next Morning, Mia Goes To The Market Only To Be Grabbed By Vince Who Says That Reyes Men Are Tracking Her...

Telling Brian And Dom About This, All Is Forgiven And Vince Becomes A Member Of The Team Again...

Preparing Dinner, The Other Members Talk About What They're Going To Do With Their Share Of Reyes Money, And They Also Find Out About Mia's Pregnancy...

Ok, Tej That Joke Was Good Enough For Giselle But Don't Push It On Mia...

Which Leads Dom To Make A Toast...

The Next Day, The Plan Is Set To Go Underway, With Everyone Taking Off Except For Dom, Brian, Mia And Vince Who Will Join Them In A Few However, Hobbs And His Team Arrive At Their HQ To Try To Arrest Them Which Leads To A Fight Between Hobbs And Dom...

And How Do I Describe This Scene? Well, Imagine If The Confrontation From Les Miserables Was A Fist Fight...

Sparring Hobb's Life, He Arrests Dom, Brian, Mia And Vince...

(Watch Whole Video)

While Saving Hobbs And Neves, Vince Gets Badly Injured And Dies From His Wounds Making Him The Eponine Of This Movie, But Before He Does He Tells Dom That He Named His Son After Him...

With The Mission Still On, Everyone Thinks It's A Bad Idea And That The Best Option Is Running As It's Now A Suicide Mission And That They Tripled Their Detail At The Police Station But One Way Or Another, Dom Has No Intention Of Letting Reyes Get Away With This.

With Hobbs Siding By Dom, Because He Wants Revenge For The Death Of His Men Everyone Follows After That As They Ask What The Plan Is...

With The Cars Arriving At The Police Station, They Decide To Use The Element Of Surprise To Ram Their Way In...

With Hobbs And Neves Dealing With The Guards, Dom And Brian Grab The Safe Using Tow Cables To Pull It Right Out Of The Wall..

With Police Following Them, It's A Chase Through The City With The Safe Bouncing All Over The Place, I'm Surprised No One's Getting Flattened Like Wile E Coyote...

But I Will Say That They Do Do Some Interesting Driving Techniques While Hauling The Safe Like Using It To Crash 2 Police Cars, Dragging It Down An Alley With One Car Going Forward And The Other Driving Backwards

But Just As They're Surrounded By Cops Who Are Shooting At Them, Roman And Han Come To The Rescue In The Cop Cars They Stole...

With Them Reaching A Bridge, They Have Too Many Cops Behind Them, Dom Decides To Cut Brian Loose Stating That He's Going To Be A Father And That He Needs To Think About Mia And The Baby...

With Dom Pulling The Safe With All Of His Nos He Manages To Hit Car By Car With The Safe, Ejecting Out Of The Car When The Safe Hits One Of Reyes' Cars So That His Car Can Hit The Car With Reyes Inside.,.

But Surprisingly They're Still Alive, That Is Until Brian Shoots Reyes Main Man And Hobbs Kills Reyes...

Saying That They Can't Take The Safe With Them, Hobbs Is Willing To Let Them Have 24 Hours Before Their Car And Mouse Chase Continues...

Oh, Wait I Think I Know What Happens Next...

Hobbs Realizes That Dom's A Good Man, Which Forces Him To Question His Ideals To The Point Of Suicide, Right?

Well, There Are So Many Les Mis-isms In This Movie That I Wouldn't Be Surprised...

No, Hobbs Sadly Does Not Die (Otherwise How Would We Have A Spinoff In Theaters Now) No, Instead Turns Out The Safe Is Empty And They Have The Cash...

Well, Turns Out That When They Had A 10 Second Window They Had Giselle, Leo And Rico Switch The Safe With The Money With The Empty Safe They Had...

And So, With The Money In They're Hands (Once Tej Opens The Safe) They All Go Their Separate Ways, With Dom Giving Vince's Wife, Rosa A Cut Of The Money Along With A Note Saying See You Soon, Uncle Dom..

As For Everyone, Leo And Rico Play It Up In Monaco Where We Never See Them Again, Tej Opens Up A Legitimate Garage Buisness With Him And Roman Hanging Out Every Once In A While, Han Didn't Get Just The Money But Giselle As Well...

Eat Your Heart Out, Steve Trevor!

Yep, They're Dating And They're Headed Off To Berlin Until We See Them In The Next Movie But As For Dom, Brian And Mia They're Somewhere On A Beach (And Don't Ask Where Because Even I Don't Know) All I Can Say Is That Mia Is Glowing With Her Pregnancy, Dom Is Dating Neves To Which He Should Watch Out For Falling Thunder Gods With Hammers That Shoot Lightning And Brian Wants Another Shot At Beating Dom...

I Would Say This Ends Our Film But We Get A Mid Credit Scene Where Monica Fuentes (Played Again By Eva Mendes) Drops By Hobbs Office In Washington, As A Team Of Drivers Hijacked A Military Convoy But Hobbs Isn't Interested Unless It's Dom But With Fuentes Saying To Look Deeper, Hobbs Makes A Discovery...

(Start At 1:00, End At 1:04)

And That's Fast Five And It's Okay...

While Not As Good As The Last Film, This One Has It's Moments The Story While Boring At The Beginning Catches Up Around The Middle Of It, The Characters Except For The Bad Guy Are Good, The Cars Weren't Very Impressive But At This Point They Were Changing Their Status Quo From Being A Series Of Street Racing Films To A Series Of Heist Films, Sort Of Like Oceans 11 With Cars But Still, It's A Film Worth A Watch And I Say See It...

Till Next Time, This Is Duke, Signing Off...