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#but my focus was CLEARLY shot so that killed schoolwork a few hours early
starbuck
·
10 months
Text
welp, the thing i have been dreading for literal years is happening tomorrow and i am. Unhappy, but thankfully calm, for the moment.
#i think i’m just so used to being stressed all the time at this point that the new stress isn’t as noticeable
#but my focus was CLEARLY shot so that killed schoolwork a few hours early
#the combo of this Thing happening tomorrow and finding out i’ve had my first (known) ✨COVID exposure✨ is simply incredible
#my brain is attempting to fold itself up a million times smaller and smaller until it disappears
#like. for the record.
#i do not believe i have COVID. i think i’m fine there
#(but gonna test tomorrow just to be sure)
#and the Bad Thing is ENTIRELY routine and normal and fine and i LITERALLY planned it myself
#but it’s just specifically REALLY triggering for me for reasons that even i don’t understand
#so i just know it’s gonna be a mess
#i will probably cry and hyperventilate and possibly have a breakdown for a few hours
#but i DON’T think i’m gonna go into a months-long and possibly unrecoverable depressive episode
#which is what i USED to think was gonna happen when i did this
#so uh? improvement??
#it will be fine
#but also. Why
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