#but she's insecure and afraid of being too uncool and too awkward to be in front of the camera

[otomes-and-tears]

hello!! if its alright i'd like to request headcanons for step 1 Qiu and Tamarack with a fem!reader who aspires to be an idol. they like to practice idol and vocaloid dances and wear frilly dresses and accessories. If you want too, you could add their reactions in step 2 to reader actually posting dance covers online and getting popular on social media. :3

thank you!!! I hope this isnt too complicated and makes sense <3

♦ Qiu & Tamarack with Idol!MC (Step 1 and 2) ♦

► tags/warnings:

► words: 945

► A/N: Hope you enjoy! Little PSA. Since the request specified both Step 1 and Step 2 Tamarack and Qiu, I used he/him pronouns for Step 1 Qiu and switched to exclusively they/them pronouns when I wrote the Step 2 section.

► Masterlist

Tamarack

Step 1 Tamarack Isn't at all familiar with idol culture, or Vocaloid, for that matter;

She is too much of an outdoorsy type to spend too much time online, and I think that at that age, her grandparents wouldn't let her go online, or would only allow it under strict supervision;

So she'd only have access to cool math games or things of that nature;

Mc would be her first exposure to idol culture;

Tamarack would ask SO MANY questions! It's something so important to her new friend that she'd like to know everything about it!;

She'd be FASCINATED by the frilly dresses, and would likely BEG to try on any of the hair accessories;

You can trust her to always be there, cheering MC on when she's practising, and Tamarack would be happy to help her come up with ideas for her future idol career;

Like, coming up with call and responses, fandom names and stuff;

Likely, practising with her around wouldn't be really helpful because she'd be dancing along to an entirely different choreography or excitedly cheering MC on;

It's amazing for morale but not so much for memorising your steps! ;

Also, at that age, she’ll be painfully blunt if she doesn’t like something, so she’s the best person MC can go to for honest opinions about stuff;

In Step 2, she still shows her support but in more practical ways!

Like helping MC set up their camera to film, or be able to give her pointers on how the audio sounds;

She's always the first person to like and comment on the videos, and is insanely proud of MC's newfound popularity, although she is not surprised at all that it happened;

I mean, she saw firsthand how hard she worked. How much she struggled and how much practice led to all the skills MC perfected over the years;

Of course she would succeed!;

At that age Tamarack is very insecure about herself, so I think part of her would wonder why MC bothers spending time with her now that she's internet-famous;

It's a thought she tries to shake but always comes back to torment her eventually;

Sometimes, when Tamarack thinks that she’ll move away with her parents, she’s thankful for MC’s videos, because they mean she’d still be able to see MC’s face and hear her voice whenever she misses her;

I think at that age, you’d see slight influences from MC’s hobby influencing Tamarack too;

Like, how you see more frills in her dresses, a light-stick charm with MC’s signature colour hanging from her bag and Mc’s covers littering her playlists;

She finds herself learning to play Vocaloid songs on her Cello;

Is still very honest about things she likes and dislikes in MC’s work, but is better at expressing it in a gentler way

Qiu

More familiar than Tamarack on idol culture;

He’s online a bit more, and I can totally see Ren as a Vocaloid fan that would introduce Qiu to it!;

So Step 1 Qiu is blessed with base knowledge, but he’d still ask many questions about it anyway;

Like what style Mc is going for, what songs they know how to sing etc…;

And he’d try to help her as much as possible;

But Qiu helping is a lot more different than Tamarack. Like, he may fumble his ballet choreographies sometimes, but he’d try to help her memorise hers!;

He’ll cheer her on while she practises, like Tamarack, but be more restrained about it and try to give her notes afterwards;

I think he’s also the type to think of ideas during class and pass her a bunch of little written notes from his notepads on things he thought of (including little drawings when he’s able to!);

He is much kinder about criticism, to the point of sometimes being a little too kind and not critical enough;

So he’s the person to go to for reassurance if she’s feeling particularly insecure about her hobby;

He acts a little like MC is already famous, and when questioned he just says, with a smile, that he can sense that she’s going to make it;

So he wants to assert himself as the first member of her fan club!;

Step 2 Qiu is colder, but they’re no less supportive;

Just, perhaps, a little envious of her sense of purpose;

How cool is it that MC has known what she wanted to do and who she wanted to be since she was little? And that, while she has matured, she’s only grown more certain of her dream?;

How they wish they had that same certainty about anything; 

It doesn’t diminish their liking for her. It’s just another way they grow to admire her as they both age;

They find her newfound internet fame a little unsettling, but they're happy for her as long as it’s something she wants and enjoys!;

They know what it’s like for people to have certain expectations about how you act and what you can offer and the last thing they want is for her to burn out like they did;

So they check on her, discreetly. And makes sure MC knows she can always say no, and that her life doesn’t need to revolve around making her fans happy and satisfying their every whim;

Would only carry discreet merch, and would not make a big deal out of being friends with her;

They are still a big fan and supportive of her work, but they want their friendship with MC to be a respite from the turbulence of internet fame rather than an extension of it;

They snap at anyone who recognises MC and make her feel uncomfortable at school

[midnightmisadventures]

Weird dream #2

Well i guess that first one wasnt weird. Pretty standard if you ask me. But it was the first time i ACTUALLY dreamed about interacting with Liam in a whileeee. Like a dream where we were talking and joking and i felt in love, and so attractd to him. Its been....what feels like months since any dreams like that. 

Anyone this one was actually weird. As i teased to, Alpha and Mk came to a party I was at. Initially this party was like in a college setting. Me returning to SC like normal and meeting all the youngins. There were these squad boys who were like obsessed with me. Wouldnt stop talking to me and stuff and they thought i was so cool. But literally it was euphoric in that ALL my friends were there. Like everyone who i truly love and trust in my life. Like from ancient spa, from new spa. It was so great I was ELATED. 

Having the best time. But was also in comfy clothes, felt a little ugly. Not completely but for sure not a bad bitch. And here comes fucking alpha walking in WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND. I was immediately so put off and uncomfortable, and insecure and taken back to this high school place of anxiety. Despite being surrounded with so many people that genuinely love me. Like isnt that so insane that he could make me feel so small again so quickly? 

Then things morphed into what felt like a family party. It was a party for Lia actually. And im like LOST on who invited them but im just pissed bc like what a buzzkill now i have to not get too drunk and dodge them all night. Like they had no friends here? so i dont know why i was worried about looking uncool, but for some reason when i looked at my room of friends i was afraid this would be the ONE moment they would neglect me or something. 

So i got nervous and went upstairs to take a breather in lias room. Mind you this is a family party, and i went there to escape, like bedrooms are off limits to random guests. The room also felt like a small attic. It was rlly tiny in there. So i go, Ia comes in and i start explaining to her like wtf?? my ex is downstairs and the girl who was in between us when we stopped talking. And she was like what? which one downstairs? And then she was like “is he the tall, (hot) one?” ANd i didnt even need to clarify. I was like yes the tall, blonde, hot ken looking guy thats him :/ 

THEN!! As we’re talking about him HE AND MK WALK IN THE ROOM.  And i didnt know if i should be like.....? gtfo but why did they feel comfortable doing that, who invited them, what the FUCK IS GOING ON. hOW DID you find me. 

And it turns out they were genuinely coming in to hangout....like make small talk. And im like this is the fucking twilight zone, does he think we’re friends? Like its a cramped room and he sat down on the floor right in front of me and tried talking to ia like they were buds man???? ;) 

And ia is outright ignoring him cause shes riding for me, but then i felt awkward and felt pressure to be fake. And it was so weird. 

Mk tried causally talking about good places to get ur nails done in town and trying to make conversation. And i felt so UNCOMFY. Like it felt like someone just came into my bedroom unannounced, when i thought the door was locked, and i wasnt decent, and i didnt even know they were coming over. 

So. fucking. odd. 

Why did i have a dream where alpha was trying to look hot and be friends :((

[mermaidsirennikita]

Book Roundup -- April 2017

I completed by challenge of reading 50 books in 2017.... today.  Admittedly this is usually a pretty low bar for me, but I don’t wanna go any higher than 50 just in case I suddenly get super fucking busy or my speed-reading powers deactivate.

Anyway.  Most of the books I read this month were honestly mediocre to poor, but I did discover two books towards the end of the month ( “Feast of Sorrow” and “Crazy Rich Asians”) that not only introduced me to new authors but pretty much thrilled me.

So, without further ado:

The Night Mark by Tiffany Reisz.  3/5.  Still mourning the death of her first husband, Faye ends up divorcing the man she married for convenience and heading to coastal South Carolina in an attempt to resume her former career as a photographer.  After learning the local legend of a lighthouse keeper’s ill-fated daughter in the 1920s, she accidentally ends up in the water--and wakes up in the body of Faith Morgan, said ill-fated 1920s girl.  This book is definitely a romance novel, and it’s a lot of fun.  As with any romance novel, there are some random choices that are kind of done, and the plot is somewhat convoluted, and the time travel aspects of the plot don’t always make sense....  But it was fluffy.  It made me happy.  It made me homesick, for that matter.  If you’re looking for a quick, somewhat mindless read with some nice sexual tension-filled scenes, go for it.  (If anything, I feel like this would have been improved with a few more sex scenes.  To be honest.)  It’s note quite peak trashy time travel romance novel a la Jude Deveraux’s Knight In Shining Armor, but it’s good.

Love for Sale: A World History of Prostitution by Nils Johan Ringdal.  4/5.  A non-fiction history of prostitution spanning from ancient myths to the present day.  The book does a good job of covering the East and West--though more attention is paid to Europe than anywhere else, Asia gets a good amount of attention.  At certain points, it does get a bit dry.  But it does the job, and is very interesting and informative.

Alex, Approximately by Jenn Bennett.  4/5.  In this YA contemporary, Bailey moves to California, not telling her Californian longtime online penpal, Alex, that she’s done so.  (She has confrontation problems.)  Upon beginning a museum job, she falls into a love-hate tension-filled relationship with security guard Porter, not realizing that he--of course--is Alex.  This is pitched as a modern-day You’ve Got Mail, so I don’t think that’s a spoiler.  Honestly, I was so pleasantly surprised by this book.  I was beginning to think that YA contemporaries just weren’t for me anymore, and something about the chemistry and characters in “Alex, Approximately” just got me.  Certain dramatic backstories were a bit much, but ultimately the chemistry between Bailey and Porter sold this book for me. They felt like actual teenagers who were actually into each other, and lately I feel like the YA I’ve been reading is too sugary to accurately portray that.  Overall, this is a definite summer/spring rec from me.

Marriage Most Scandalous by Johanna Lindsey.  2/5.  This was a pretty typical historical romance bodice ripper, about this dude who killed his best friend by accident in a duel years back?  And is now a sort of mercenary detective type?  So years after said accidental murder, his father’s ward comes a-knockin’, all grown up and such, and she thinks his dad is being targeted by someone evil.  Of course they have to pretend to be married to figure out what’s afoot, and you can take it from there.  I don’t think I like Regency bodice rippers as much as I do like... Viking romances, or Highlander stories.  I feel like bodice rippers should be set in “rougher” times so the extreme fuckery going on is easier to dismiss as part of the fantasy.  Plus, idk, some viking dude capturing the self-insert heroine and teaching her the ways of erotic love is just sexier to me than a dude named Sebastian having a secret identity as the Raven.  I never said I wasn’t problematic.

Literally by Lucy Keating.  1/5.  Annabelle is in the midst of upheaval in personal life when she meets the perfect boy, Will--and finds out that she’s actually the main character in a story by the author Lucy Keating.  K.  This could have been good, but it’s pretty much ruined as soon as Lucy Keating introduces herself.  She’s referred to as Lucy Keating for the whole book; Annabelle thinks about how beautiful she is and her cute clothes; she’s all ambiguous and strange and self-adoring.  This was one of the most uncomfortable, awkward books I’ve ever read.

The Upside of Unrequited by Becky Albertalli.  3/5.  This YA contemporary is about Molly, a girl whose insecurity about her weight--and inevitable comparisons to her beautiful twin, Cassie--has her constantly crushing on people that she finds unattainable.  After Cassie falls head over heels for Mina, Molly feels pressured to like Will, Mina’s cute and sweet friend.  But she also likes--perhaps more genuinely--Reid, who is, like Molly, overweight and maybe a bit uncool.  This is less a romance--or I was less interested in the romance--than a story about Molly and Cassie growing up and apart.  Molly’s insecurities are driven in part by her comparing herself to Cassie; at the same time, the main reason why she doesn’t want to like Reid is that she thinks he’ll pull her further from her twin.  That’s a super interesting, real conflict.  The romances I found less compelling.  The book includes a lot of diversity, but at a certain point it did feel a bit... checking the boxes-esque?  Like, Molly thought back to this boy she crushed on, and specified that he was a trans boy even though it added nothing to the story and really served more to set him apart, in his two paragraphs of page time, as “special” compared to the cis boys Molly had crushed on.  I get what the author was going for, but it came off as a bit awkward sometimes.  Overall however, this is a very earnest and sweet read.

Given to the Sea by Mindy McGinnis. 2/5.  Khosa is the latest in a long line of women “given” to the sea--she’s destined dance into the sea as a sacrifice to prevent it from swallowing up her homeland.  Before she does that, of course, she needs to give birth to a daughter who will follow in her footsteps.  Trouble is, Khosa is afraid of being touched.  Aaaaaand that’s pretty much what I got from this.  The story has an interesting mythology and I liked the sort of writing style McGinnis was going for, but that’s it.  I kind of debate even giving it a 2/5 for that.  There were too many narrators (Khosa, the prince type guy she met, and his adopted sister I got but there was one guy whose presence as a narrator I never understood) and the plot was very... vague.  I got that Khosa was doomed to be sacrificed and needed to get knocked up, but everything else was extremely hard to understand.  And I was trying.  I really tried.  It just never got there for me.

The Perfect Stranger by Megan Miranda.  2/5.  I really enjoyed Miranda’s previous thriller, “All The Missing Girls”, but this one just... numbed me.  It seemed like a much more standard “what happened to the missing/dead person” story than “ATMG” was, and it never clicked.  

My Sister Rosa by Justine Larbalestier.  4/5.  Che (yes, named after THAT Che because his parents are The Worst) is a teenager moving from Australia to New York.  Also, his little sister Rosa is fucking psychopath.  Rosa has been wrong since she was a baby, but Che is the only one in his family who acknowledges this--ironically, because his parents are always occupied with hippy-type projects that are meant to save the world.  Che knows exactly how dangerous the unfeeling Rosa is, and how easily she manipulates everyone around her.  And of course, she catapults the family into disaster.  This book was pretty chilling at times.  For that matter, it actually had explanations for things that bothered me--why Che’s parents were so shitty, for example.  Threads like those would have been dropped in another book, and I appreciate Larbalestier following up on them.  It’s a really effective thriller; perhaps the most convincing part of it is how much Che loves his sister, despite everything.  The book isn’t quite scary, but it is creepy--and quite sad at points.

The Monster of Florence by Douglas Preston and Mario Spezi.  4/5.  From 1968, a serial killer terrorized the hills surrounding Florence.  The killer would spy on couples parked to have sex--a common practice in Italy, where people usually didn’t leave their parents’ homes until they married--shoot both of them, and often mutilate the women’s bodies in a sexually motivated manner.  There have been a number of suspects, some of which have been convicted then exonerated.  Italian journalist Mario Spezi had been following the case for decades when he met American thriller novelist Douglas Preston.  Forming a friendship, the two began researching the murders, leading to both of them tangling with the Italian authorities (including the prosecutor who botched Amanda Knox’s case; and if you didn’t think she was innocent before you read this book, you probably will after).  The book is divided into two parts--that detailing Mario Spezi’s investigation of the murders as they happened, and then what happened after Preston got involved. Preston describes Florence and the unique Florentine attitude well, but honestly I got frustrated with him a lot.  He seemed so ~shocked~ that the Italian authorities didn’t function in the same way that they do in America.  I figured that out pretty quickly after landing in Italy for my year abroad, and I was 20 at the time.  Also, like...  it wasn’t hard to keep my head down.  I get Preston’s motivations, but his story is less interesting than Spezi’s, which isn’t surprising.  Am I 100% sure that they found the true killer?  No, but their guy seems more likely than anyone else who’s been a suspect.  This is a very gripping, very interesting true crime story that I definitely recommend.

Feast of Sorrow by Crystal King.  4/5.  Thrasius, a young Roman slave, is bought by the patrician Apicius due to his exception skills in the kitchen.  Apicius wants to become the gastronomic adviser of Caesar Augustus, and he believes that Thrasius is his ticket to fave.  What follows is the decades long saga of Thrasius as he helps his often-capricious master and bonds with Apicius’s family, particular his master’s wife, Aelia, and his daughter, Apicata.  But Apicius’s ambition and hunger for renown knows no bounds, and he drags Thrasius and his family into the depths of Roman politics with him.  So this book was actually a really, really compelling read.  King has a talent for description, and as a recurring backdrop of the drama is cookbook(s) that Thrasius is helping Apicius put together... I got hungry fast.  King also has a talent for creating that sense of the Roman world, beyond the famous people.  She created an environment that felt real and everyday to me, while at the same time keying in the drama when she needed to.  I will definitely be picking up her next book, especially if it’s historical fiction.  I couldn’t put this down.  With that being said, there were a couple of things that kept this from being a 5/5 for me.  One was Thrasius’s romance with fellow slave Pallia--it felt very plot-device-y to me; I mean, you do need to give Thrasius a motivation to stay with his master even when he’s a dick (beyond his own life) and yes having him fall in love with a woman brings in the possibility of Babies as an added motivation, but also...  I kinda wish that Thrasius had fallen in love with a dude.  His chemistry and sex scenes with Pallia felt super forced, but his scenes with other men were more... interesting.  Towards the end of the book, the melodrama got dialed up a little too much--like I know it’s not Feast of Sunshine and Daisies but holy shit.  Some fact-checking proves, though, that King did her research and the goriest parts of the book did happen.  So overall, I’d highly recommend this to anyone who wants to read an entertaining novel of Ancient Rome.

The Last Neanderthal by Claire Cameron.  3/5.  This novel takes the perspective of Girl, a young female Neanderthal who, due to a sudden turn of events, ends up alone in the wilderness with Runt, a strange young  boy her family adopted.  At the same time, it tells the story of Rose, a pregnant archeologist who has discovered two unique skeletons and is racing against the clock to finish her project before her baby comes.  This is very much what you might call a feminist read--it’s about different aspects of women’s lives, how much has changed, how much... hasn’t.  What I found particularly interesting was the look at sexism--particularly towards women who choose to become mothers--in the academic world of archeology.  Unfortunately, I can’t say I super liked the book because Girl’s side was... well, kind of a downer.  It’s realistic, but strict realism doesn’t always make the best story; and at any rate, who knows how realistic it is? We’re talking about Neanderthals here.  Also, I feel like some people will really appreciate the degree to which Claire Cameron describes things, but like.  Dude.  Once we start talking in detail about the smell of a Neanderthal’s cervical fluids, I’m kinda out.  But I gave it three stars because it is well-written and it is an interesting angle to take, it’s just not for me.

Crazy Rich Asians by Kevin Kwan.  5/5.  American Born Chinese (ABC) girl (but not really) Rachel Chu has been dating the charming Nick Young--her first Asian boyfriend--for about two years, and finally agrees to spend the summer with him in Asia as he stands as the best man in his friend’s wedding.  Nick is charming, kind, and handsome--also, he’s mega-rich, as Rachel only discovers upon arriving in Singapore and meeting his family, including his formidable mother Eleanor.  Nick hails from not one but two different elite clans in Singapore society, and not only is his mother plotting against no-name Rachel--so are all the women who want to get their claws into him and his bloodline.  There are several different, super-interesting subplots going on too, but that’s the main story.  And it’s great.  This book is the perfect blend of insightful social commentary--from someone who would actually know what’s he’s talking about, rather than an outsider white author--and catty drama.  Rachel is probably not the most interesting character here, but she’s supposed to be the good girl, and she’s not bland.  She’s smart and sticks up for herself, even if she’s a bit naive.  Nick is a decent guy, if not perfect--he’s ignorant to the complications of his own world because... it’s his world, and he’s a man and therefore not privy to many of the machinations the women perform.  The two most compelling characters are Astrid, Nick’s beautiful cousin who’s just beginning to recognize the cracks in her marriage, and Eleanor, his mother.  Eleanor is AMAZING, the perfect mom from Hell without being a caricature.  Her concerns go over the top, but they stem from a valid place, especially when you take cultural norms into consideration.  Also, she’s being played by Michelle Yeoh in the movie so... I’m hype.  Loved this.  It was one of my longer books of the month, but I sped through it in two days.