#but someone writes whats essentially a conspiracy theory callout post about me that no one tells me about but i just feel in my heart

[snekdood]

i dont feel like being generally disliked on tumblr is a good enough reason to shadow ban me

[strawberrijammm]

I realize I could have been more clear about what I did and didn't agree with in that callout I made so in an effort to be clear about how I feel, even though the people who know about this account literally dont care what I say, for my own mental wellbeing I would like to be concise and truthful.

-to start off, I was really paranoid about people trying to get me to be anyone besides myself, especially when it came to my family as many members in it are transphobic and i'm pretty sure if I lived with a specific family member of mine, that he would try to actively attempt to convert me away from being myself, given my experiences with him. also, my paranoia growing up developed into a weird fear of conspiracy theories (no, I wasnt a fucking right winger, i thought all the billionaires that were 'bad' and 'in a cult' were conservative christians) and i thought some weird cult was actively trying to get me to not be trans or something. so I projected that fear on to sam, which was unfair, but I did feel like he preferred when I would talk about smiley- maybe it's not malicious, I'm not sure, with what I have compiled in that callout theres not really enough evidence to come to the conclusion that hes just. transphobic and doesnt want people to be themselves, but I will say his apprehension to open his arms up to who I am now-- or at least I perceived he had apprehension about it, made me feel a certain way. either way, I should have verified with him before jumping to a conclusion. Not sure. Not talking to him to find out. So I think its safe to conclude that who knows wtf his intentions are, i guess if you're willing to find out then you should interact with him and come to your own conclusion. but considering my paranoia played a huge role in this, it might just be that hes not transphobic.

-the whole-- him being annoying and texting me and my ex all the time was real, and the whole... stalking peoples shit i know is real. i still don't understand how he didn't really take the hint... like why would you try to befriend someone who doesn't seem like they actively want to communicate with you? (also it was weird sam wanted to befriend me at all after we broke up IMO, I guess i felt uncomfortable with it. I've not always had that issue with past partners but idk. I guess i wanted space and privacy and it was hard to get that with him... don't date people online, i swear)

-him saying someone isn’t autistic is weird.

-him getting too comfy with peoples alters is weird, but also probably not intentional?? not sure, we’d hafta hear from him directly or get some sort of solid evidence he wants to manipulate peoples alters or whatever. I don’t feel like this callout provides that sort of evidence so it’s not a fair conclusion to make.

-the pedophilia portion-- I have to say, his behavior was a bit sus? I don't remember what the person I was talking to wanted me to reserve talking about that he did that put that groupchat off, I have a vague memory of what it could be-- either way it's not my call to make if he is or isnt 'pedophilic', it's everyone else involved's call to make. I do think what happened with us when we were younger was weird, but I have to be real that since we were both minors at the time it's hard to hold against either of us and I will admit that it was a huge stretch to conclude he had malicious intent.

It's clear to me that I made this under the assumption that all the behavior he exhibited previously (obsessively messaging me and my ex, being too close with me even after we broke up) was finally explained by what the anonymous person involved told me. I concluded that his obsessive behavior and such was explained by pedophilic tendencies, which could be explained by a lack of ability to effectively socialize with others. I felt like I was solving a puzzle that had my head scratching for a long time-- But my mindset at that time wasn't great, and I was very black and white in my thinking, I felt like-- if people didn't treat me in a way thats healthy/respectful/considerate/etc. that they were then automatically horrible, shit, toxic people who were probably pedophioles, transphobes, and fascists (strongly glaring in a specific direction at a specific someone I know) or something. and that way of thinking is just very peak tumblr 2016 for sure, and its also hugely toxic and unhelpful. I can recognize now that I took the original issue, abstractified and essentialized it until it was something i felt fit the black and white narrative I and everyone else on tumblr at the time seemed to hold.

and I want to say-- I actually dont remember if it was my idea to write the callout- but since I was the one who posted it and I have balls and I dont really give a fuck how many of the people involved feel about me so I really lose and gain nothing from pretending I wasn't involved in the creation of this, i'll take the responsibility for posting it. And I apologize for spreading misinfo where it is.

also this is very clearly drama between sam and this groupchat and it was stupid of me to insert myself and get involved at all, but I guess i felt like a detective trying to solve a case... but when you have that mindset, you often forget that theres people behind those involved and its not just a tale of trying to “catch the bad guy”