#but stepping back. on a much wider scale i realize icant even think about the idea of doing someting like move out or get job
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#lonely dog speaks#vent/#THIS WAS GOING TO BE A vague jokey post but i did end up typing a bunch. sorrey ->#:•\#not feeling great#i feel like every day i am missing something#but i'm too afraid to actually connect to what that missing thing is#and i realize my anxiety is back n bad#which i'm not really sure if it ever left#i was going to make a joke about being unmedicated but that's noteven true but if i feel this bad then that is probably Not good#and my general fear prevents me from feeling like i can DO Things. like. i can't just Do A Thing#i have to putz around all day to maybe do it a bit. but i can't commit to it in case i get interupted#but the thing is that i also /do/ do things i want to do through the day. but it's nott a lot of things#specifically i want to be drawing. but actually getting to the drawing part is so hard and i end up not drawing#but i think about drawing all day!!#but stepping back. on a much wider scale i realize icant even think about the idea of doing someting like move out or get job#because if i decide to commit to it what if something bad happens and i never get to do it#and everything feels wasted..........#why dont i sit on my phone and try to have fun instead and not think about that >_>#OH GIRL. I should get a therapy#isnt it so annoying how being aware that your brain is irrational doesn't just make you Think Rationally
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