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venusofthehardsells · 4 years

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Dreamgirl [part 4]

ReaderxBucky Barnes [part 3] Summary: Bucky tries to adjust to his new life in the Avengers compound. One day he meets a girl who might be everything he needs in order to move on, but is his past really that far away? Warnings for this chapter: typical self-hate, not much else this time tbh, (general series warnings include noncon, violence, mental illness, feels probably) A/N: I can’t believe I let you wait this long for a chapter with this little content. Ungh. Like I already said, I have nothing to say for myself. My writing process is about as fast the plot. I’ll try harder to update more, and if you’re still following this story, just know it really means a lot to me!

When Bucky wakes up it’s three am and Steve is still there, fast asleep next to him. Steve’s arm is resting protectively over Bucky and both of Bucky’s hands are holding onto Steve’s T-shirt, the fabric close to ripping in his unyielding grip. He soften his hold a little and looks up to study Steve’s face.

Despite the serum keeping him young, there are a few lines adorning the face of America’s golden boy that weren’t there during the war. They’re faint and few but this close there’s no doubt. The worry has managed to leave its mark on him and Bucky feels his stomach clench itself into a hard little ball. How many of those fine lines have he caused?

Then again, how many lines separate this weary ghost from the bright young man he used to be?

Steve’s presence has had a good influence on him. The last few hours of sleep have been quiet and heavy. He can’t remember the last time he slept so soundly, but he’s sure it was one of those other rare occasions when he was so far gone in his nightmares, Steve had slept in his bed too.

Bucky is pried from his sleep-heavy thoughts when his stomach growls painfully and he vaguely realises he hasn’t eaten anything the entire day. Well, he’s paying for it now.

A headache is forming behind his eyes and his chest feels as though it’s going to implode into the void of his empty stomach if he doesn’t get some food in him fast. The way his throat is beginning to constrict is almost nauseating. He’s always had a healthy appetite and has often gone hungry, both in his youth and during HYDRA missions, but whatever Dr Zola did to him made him less affected by such things as hunger when he was the Asset. It was as if his mind didn’t fully acknowledge the needs of his body.

Now, however, the combination of his enhanced biology and not being brainwashed makes the hunger close to crippling.

It feels safe and nice to lie with both of Steve’s arms around him, Bucky realises when he shifts a little, and he almost doesn’t want to leave the bed. Steve mumbles something in his sleep and manages to hug Bucky closer so he’s flush with Steve’s entire body, face squashed against his chest.

“Ftoovh,” he tries and rolls his eyes at the muffled sound that’s all he’s capable of producing without chewing on Steve’s shirt. With a bit more determination, he gets his arms in between them and pushes Steve in the chest, harder than he would a normal person, but not hard enough to hurt.

Apparently, the push is still more powerful than he calculated.

With a yelp, Steve rolls off the bed and crashes into the nightstand that goes tumbling towards the opposite wall. Bucky winces, but is on his feet in a second to get Steve up from the floor.

“Fuck, ‘m sorry, Steve,” he mumbles, feeling his cheeks burn. Steve thankfully looks more shocked than hurt and there’s a redness spreading along his cheekbones, too.

“No, it’s… I’m fine, it’s… everything’s fine, yeah.” He nods as if to accentuate the point and it calms Bucky a bit. Then Steve frowns ever so slightly. “Are you okay?”

Bucky shrugs.

“Just hungry,” he says, trying to sound casual. His stomach betrays him by practically groaning just then and the corners of Steve’s lips twitch. Bucky scoffs. “Fine, starving. Do you think there’s anything left of that dinner I slept through?”

Thinking back on the nightmare, he wishes he had gone down to eat instead. Maybe it wouldn’t have been that bad then. It’s wishful thinking of course, but it helps. Admitting that the nightmares are beyond his control is still too grim a reality.

“Oh, there’s plenty we can reheat. Come on.”

Not long after, they’re both sitting in the empty compound kitchen, steaming dishes of a spicy casserole in front of them. It’s the best thing Bucky can remember eating in a long time and he’s through his second helping by the time Steve finishes up his first, significantly smaller one.

“This is real damn delicious,” Bucky comments, gulping down a glass of water like it’s going out of fashion. He’s only just starting to feel better now that he’s got at least two meals’ worth of warm food in him. “Stark hire a cook or something?”

“No,” Steve smiles and scoops another portion onto Bucky’s plate. “Wanda made it. Traditional Sokovian stew, spent forever on it. She put a ton of spices in I’ve never even heard of, but you gotta admit she knew what she was doing.”

“Sure did.” Bucky is a little hesitant about the next bite. There’s something in the taste that he can’t quite place. A warmth, a lingering feeling of… something.

The spices remind him of when he was on the run, of the place he had settled at in Europe before Steve and that SWAT team had torn it apart. Many times during the evenings, the hot smells of food had drifted through the floor and walls from the other flats around him and made him think of the almost forgotten joy of a home cooked meal.

Homely, he realises. This kind of food tastes of a home, something safe and familiar that he hasn’t had in a very long time.

“It would mean a lot to her if you told her you liked it.” Steve looks intently at him as he says it and Bucky looks down out of reflex. Can’t look Steve in the eyes when he talks like that.

“Okay,” he mumbles with a light shrug of his shoulders, but Steve isn’t done.

“She says you’re avoiding her,” he begins carefully and Bucky sighs, which makes him pause. “What?”

“I’m kinda avoiding everyone in case you haven’t noticed.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t.” Bucky is staring at him now. Steve’s face is turning slightly pink, but he goes on. “Might be good for you to talk to someone other than me. Not everyone hates you, you know.”

The words feel like a punch to the gut and it takes a second for Bucky to figure out why.

It’s the non-sugar coated truth and Steve hasn’t softened his voice the way he sometimes tend to do when it comes to touchy subjects, hell, the way he did a second ago.

It’s also a surprise.

He has tried over and over to appeal to his logical self with the reasonable assumption that even if Stark and Fury and very likely also Natasha hate him, the others have no reason to. Yet somehow, he realises that he didn’t actually believe it until now. Steve’s words make a splinter of hope ache in his chest.

“You sure?,” he murmurs, raising an eyebrow at his friend who just hums affirmatively and takes another bite of stew.

“Of course I’m sure. There’s still a person behind all that brooding and scowling somewhere. The others know it too. They know it wasn’t your fault.”

“What?”

“Everything that happened to you.” Instead of sending him a pitying look, Steve just shrugs and for a second, Bucky is sure his friend has lost his mind. “Just think about it. I’m not saying you should invite Tony for a fishing trip, just maybe, I don’t know, show up for dinner. Compliment the chef, even if it’s Clint. You know, engage a little more.”

Bucky grinds his teeth behind closed lips.

He engaged with the pretty girl in the coffee shop and now he’s already having bad dreams about her dying. It’s not that he doesn’t want a little more human contact, really. But he wonders if Steve would have suggested it if he knew how many times he had starred in one of Bucky’s bloodcurdling nightmares.

“I’ll try,” he gets out, poking at the remains of stew on his plate with his fork.

“Good.” Steve doesn’t push him further and he’s grateful for it. They finish the meal in silence.

When they get up to put the dishes away and head back to sleep, the soft light of the predawn is beginning to settle outside. Bucky figures he can squeeze in a few hours before heading out for his daily run. He hopes the food and the talk with Steve will make the nightmares stay away for a while.

Otherwise, there’s always the park, and the coffee shop, and the girl…

He finds himself halfway tempted to ask Steve if he wants to go with him for his morning run. They always spar and work out together at nine, but until now, running has been Bucky’s own thing, the only routine he performs in solitude that doesn’t make him feel, well, alone. When he runs, he just exists. No pressure.

Bucky never gets to ask. Steve’s SHIELD pager pings and just like that, the strained tension between them is as thick as it was in the afternoon.

Steve looks at the little device and groans.

“Jesus, Fury…,” he mumbles, rubbing his eyes that have already begun to droop a little again. “Four in the fucking morning.”

“Mission?,” Bucky asks without looking at him.

“Must be. Better be fucking important.” Steve always swears more when he’s tired, slurs the curses into his other words so they’re a part of a sentence-long word and almost not there at all. Bucky hasn’t been on any missions or to any publicity events with Steve since the forties, but he imagines it’s very far from the image everyone is trying to pin on him. It occurs to him not for the first time that his friend is struggling to hold onto his identity just as much as Bucky is. It’s no mean feat considering all the world’s eyes are always on Captain America, the glorified ideal, but hardly ever considers Steve Rogers, the real person wearing the uniform.

“Hey. Watch yourself out there,” Bucky cautions just when Steve is about to leave. He sends a half smile with the warning to make it sound more casual. Steve grins wearily.

“I will. Careful with the sentiment though, people might start to think you care.”

Bucky scuffs and rolls his eyes.

“Don’t worry, pal, I think everyone knows by now I only care about you.” He shrugs and pats Steve on the shoulder. “I’ll see you when you get back.”

He turns and leaves before Steve can come up with some well-meant words of concern to make Bucky feel like even more of a burden than he already does and trudges back to his room.

It takes him a while of tossing and turning to realise that he's not going to get any more sleep now that Steve is gone. The bed doesn't feel comfortable at all, just vast and empty. He tries to fold the scarcely used duvet into a sort of substitute for another body for him to hold onto, but it still doesn't feel right.

Annoyed with himself, he finally gets up and automatically puts on a pair of black sweatpants from his stack of identical black sweatpants, along with a grey T-shirt and a hoodie. Bucky swallows when he looks at himself in the mirror and realises that this has become as much of a uniform as all his heavy tactical HYDRA gear used to be. Dark sweatpants, dark T-shirt, dark hoodie. Nothing to make him stand out in a crowd or mark him as an individual.

It suddenly occurs to him that he has been wearing a uniform practically his entire life. He struggles to recall what it was like to wake up and putting thought into what to wear. He must have done it at some point, he knows that much at least. Back in the thirties, even if his family hadn't had two nickels to rub together on a good day, much less anything near the frankly insane amount of clothes people these days seemed to own, he knows there was at least something vaguely resembling choices. There had been a pair of pants, he remembers after wringing his brain, a pair that had been slightly nicer than his everyday ones and which he only wore on Sundays or when he was taking out a girl. They had belonged to his father before he died and Bucky had naturally inherited them, along with some shirts and a tie he rarely had reason to wear. None of it had been made for him, so his mother had had to adjust the clothes the best she could. The pants had still been a little too tight around his thighs, but they meant he didn't have to wear his often dirty work slacks on dates.

It wasn't much, but it had been different. Hell, everything had been different.

He glances down at his black sweatpants now and bites his lip. He'll have to do something about this feeling somehow. The longer he contemplates this new, unintentional uniform, the clearer the Asset appears in his mind. For a second, he almost swears his dark metal hand looks silver again. Then he blinks and the vibranium fingers are back to normal.

Good lord, he can't wait to get that coffee today.

He runs his usual route in the infant daylight, still trying to shake off the nightmare. It doesn’t feel as bad as it has on other mornings, the food and sleep and the talk with Steve has helped. The coffee will definitely help. And moving his legs, albeit mindlessly, that is helping right now, but what Bucky really wants is to see her. Just to make sure she is okay.

The coffee shop is still closed when he reaches it, so he turns back to do another round in the park. Even though it isn’t physically taxing for him, his heart is thundering a hundred miles a minute. What if she isn’t going to be there?, a little, unwelcome voice whispers in the back of his mind. What if you really killed her?

Bucky almost scoffs at himself. There is no way. It was just a nightmare. One of the worst ones he’s had in a while, yes, but still… If he had somehow brought her into the compound, everyone would know. Steve, Stark, Fury, the entire government probably gets daily reports on what he does. Same thing if he had left to go somewhere else. Besides, he never went anywhere or did anything yesterday after getting back, he’s sure of it. He wasn’t anywhere near her, it was just a dream.

Even so, he can’t stop overthinking every single impossible scenario in which he might have hurt her without being aware of it and his heart is sure as hell not slowing down no matter how many calming breaths he tries to take. He needs to see her.

With his bottom lip caught beneath his teeth, he shoots his watch a look and groans when he realises he's still nearly half an hour early. It's going to be some of the longest minutes of his life. Bucky quickly decides he hasn't got that kind of patience, not with how his stupid heart is trying to beat him into a panic anyway. Instead of waiting, he goes back to the place he first saw her, the park entrance. From there, he tries to remember which direction she came from. If he can just see her on her way to work, he knows he'll feel better.

It doesn't take him long to scour the surrounding streets and eliminate the ones that lead to business and shopping districts. It's a guess, but if she had the money to fund one of the few apartments there, she wouldn't have to work in a café. She must live further away.

For a minute, Bucky considers all the tactical and strategic training he's gone through in his days in captivity with HYDRA, but absolutely nothing that can help him out comes to mind. The park is surrounded by too many tall buildings for him to properly see the streets if he were to seek higher ground and he doesn't have any sort of tech except his phone which won't do him any good.

All he really can do is to keep running and try not to get stuck inside his head. Like yesterday, Bucky tries to focus on the movements of his body and the feeling of muscles clenching and unclenching in his legs with every stride. It's something his therapist has told him to do when he needs to calm down, trying to create more awareness of his body and thereby divert his thoughts from any upsetting or stressful factor. Normally, it's good advice, but right now, his body is a part of the problem.

Before his sweaty palms and too shallow breaths end up filling too much in his mind, Bucky forces himself to observe some other detail, any detail.

He settles for the great, big nothing in front of him.

The air.

It’s not the crisp, crystal clear air he loved about the Wakandan sunrises where he would be the only one up and awake to enjoy the quiet, one deep, fresh breath at a time. But it’s still nicer in here, in the park, than outside on the streets. Bucky is not overly fond of the polluted city. He used to be a city boy, sure enough, but that was a long time ago. Whenever he dares imagine himself somewhere else than the compound these days, it’s almost always some version of the hut he had in Wakanda. Most times, it’s the same hut all the way down to the straw roof and spotted goats. Other times, he imagines a small cabin in the woods next to a lake or a faraway little stone cottage surrounded by grassy hills and sheep.

No matter where he sees himself settle though, it’s always somewhere remote with unspoiled air. Sometimes, Steve is with him, and they both look as if the war never happened, but this morning, it isn’t Steve sitting next to him in front of his little imaginary hut.

It's her.

And she's not wearing her work uniform, but a bright yellow dress that matches her nail polish. She has bare, dirty feet and wild flowers in her hair. She smiles when he approaches. He sits down next to her and kisses her cheek. She offers him a strawberry from the basket next to her, freshly picked from their little garden. He prefers to lick the taste from her lips and mouth instead. It's just the two of them there.

His heart soars at the dreamscape for a moment, but plummets just as far when he involuntarily remembers his nightmare again and suddenly, the scene runs red with blood.

Bucky wills himself back to reality and casts another desperate look at his watch.

Less than three minutes.

He wills himself to take the last part of his route at a slow jog despite every fibre in him screaming that he run like hell. When he once again stands in front of the coffee shop, he's about ready to kick down the doors, but right then, the lock clicks, the handle turns and there she stands. Exactly as beautiful as yesterday, if not more.

She looks up at him in surprise, then a smile spreads on her face.

"James," she says happily and Bucky's heartbeat melts into a rhythm of steady calm.

Tags will be added in reblog

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #marvel fanfic

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the-cryptographer · 6 years

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I’m actually replaying Tales of the Abyss now instead of just thinking about replaying it as I become randomly taken over by Dist-related feelings. So under the cut is my experience with the first third of the game (everything up to the haircut).

- Imma just start with the character stuff and then move onto the gameplay stuff bc nobody cares about gameplay.

- Yeah, I started playing this like - “I wonder if I’ll still like the same shitty ships I liked when I was playing this ten years ago.” And the answer is FUCKING YES - they are apparently permanently ingrained in my psyche.

- On the subject of Luke... I didn’t actually remember how much of a douche he is for the first third of the game, since it’s been a while and I’m more accustomed to seeing portrayals of the better rounded and kinder character he eventually became. I’m going to say, I’m really glad he grew out of it on both a narrative and personal level, but I also really did enjoy and love long-hair douchey Luke. He’s insufferable and I adore him.

- That being said, I think this kind of puts an interesting spin on Luke/Tear. I do genuinely like this ship and am happy with where it ended up, but a lot of what seems to keep their early interactions from going even more poorly than they do is that Luke is... very used to bossing people around. And Tear is very used to being bossed around. Like, she’ll obviously talk back to him, but even so- Tear kind of falling into this servile protective bodyguard role is kind of what ends up endearing her to Luke and it’s kind of bad and good at the same time. Especially combined with things like her thinking the Baticul maid outfit his servants wear is cute... This idea could be taken places... I’m glad the relationship didn’t stay like this in the larger context of things, but I’m also kind of enjoying where it’s at so~

- That being said I feel like the party starts making lovebird jokes way too early. Like, I like this ship a lot, but I also have bad taste, and this isn’t the kind of thing I feel should be encouraged irl/in-universe. Not as their relationship exists during this part of the game, at least. ubb.

- More generally I do like Tear a lot tho. I think having her be a bit more serious and stoic and emotionally withdrawn are things that speak a lot to me, with regards to female characters and heroines especially. I also like that she is genuinely competent as a fighter and protector. And that the more traditional damsel role is occupied by a man, Ion.

- I’m also surprised that Tear’s boobs are as modestly proportioned as they are. Maybe it’s because of doujin content, or a couple of tactless jokes later on in the game(?) but I always thought they were HUGE instead of, well, buxom and hourglassy in the vein that you might find on a real woman. This game in general isn’t super fanservice-y in its character designs (although there’s something to be said about a few of the scenarios). There’s some Zettai Ryouki on the girls, but that’s about it. I guess the fact that this game's age is showing.

- The different iterations of ships involving Anise, Arietta, and the Ions are also something that are still appealing to me a lot. Part of me feels bad for being okay with Anise/Florian, since Florian’s a kind of an obvious replacement character. But then I start thinking about how conflicting and upsetting it would be for Anise and then - whoops - I’m interested again.

- Luke and Ion crush on each other so hard though. This was not a ship from when I first played but, god, it’s so cute how much Ion seems to genuinely like Luke, and how Luke gets so tsun and blushy about protecting him. Excuse me while I try and figure out a way to write this that isn’t heartbreaking, and fail.

- me: I wonder if I’ll like Jade as much as I did the first time. Since I seem to have come to a realisation that he’s an emotionally manipulative asshole with a very limited capacity for empathy on any non-abstract level. Jade’s disembodied voice *hasn’t even shown up on screen yet* : Move out of the way or it’s not my problem if you get run over by this tank I’m driving. me: I was a complete fool. He’s a total asshole and I love him so much.

- Naw, yeah, for real tho: one of the first things Jade does upon meeting Natalia is try and establish that she’ll be easy to emotionally manipulate and control. He rather easily brushes over watching the suffering of others in favour of more goal oriented behavior. That, in addition to what happens when he extracts information from Dist at the Keterburg Hotel... I don’t really think I was off the mark about Jade potentially negging his boyfriend or exacting physical torture on his ex, especially insofar as his ex is a criminal anyhow. Like, obviously Jade has some kind of moral code by the time the game begins. And overall I think it’s admirable that he’s concerned about things like minimising the world’s death toll and human suffering. But he’s certainly not above breaking a few eggs to make and omelette, even if those eggs include visiting long-term physical and psychological damage on others. I would... hope that he could restrain himself from taking that kind of route with things. But I don’t think I’m exactly wrong in thinking he’s not a person I would trust not to, and thus not someone I’d want to invite within a mile of my personal life. Although he’s probably going to continue being a character I really cherish. He might still be my favourite playable character in the game - although Tear and Anise come close.

- Actual favourite character is Dist, of course. I mean, he’s hammy and awful and terribly written, but I love him so much. ‘Everyone is jealous of my intelligence and beauty.’ (Which is even funnier considering the post-battle dialogue where Anise and Jade tell Luke to write about their beauty and intelligence respectively in his diary. Birds of a feather.) idk, it’s just really strange, because I don’t really like when fanon iterations of characters are made more femme and flamboyant than they are in canon. But you have actual femme and flamboyant men in canon (Dist, Wallace from pkmn, etc) and somehow I love them so much, omg. (Dist also has a lot of grief stuff I like tho - v relatable with regards to Nebilim.) idk, I just count my lucky stars every day. Because five of the six God Generals die in this game, so the odds were definitely not in my favour, but somehow my favourite is the one that makes it out alive?! I’m dying at how blessed I am. Dist is basically the opposite of the Bury Your Gays trope, and I love it.

- On that note, when Jade and Dist are snarking and Luke and Guy share the look(tm) and are like ‘they’re off in their own little world’ asdfghjkl;

- me: I wonder if I’ll like Natalia more this time. Since I’m more aware now of the baggage and misogyny that goes into female character creation, and am more likely to blame authors than the characters themselves. Natalia: *to Luke, after taking one look at Tear* Are you fucking the servant girl? me: YIKES(tm)

- Naw, she’s okay. I mean... she’s not less okay than Anise or Tear, really, in terms of poor (stereotypical) writing and poor (catty) behaviour. I certainly think her commitment to being a kind ruler and acting towards the public good with her own hands and own feet is quite touching. But she appeals to me the least out of the three girls on a personal level. And, also, I think there are several issues with her introduction-

- Well... first off, that we hear about Natalia from Luke and Guy earlier in the game - and we’re told she’s high maintenance and clingy before we’ve even met her. And then we meet her and her introduction ends up immediately corroborating what Luke says about her. So... it’s a very bad first impression in a way. In general it’s kind of interesting seeing how the narrative feeds out information, now that I know all the characters and all the twists. Some of it is info-dumpy, and some of it is unintuitive, but it’s interesting to watch how it drops out hints and evidence for you to try and piece together before the reveals come.

- But I digress, the other thing is Natalia is, after her disastrous first impression, set up as a foil for Luke. Her kindness and selfless concern for others, and how seriously she takes her responsibility as a state leader, are both immediately cast against Luke’s self-absorption. Which... is in some ways ineffective for me tbh.

- Idk, just, like- An adult man spends seven years building up trust with a child that’s been isolated and emotionally neglected by design, and then manipulates and uses him as part of a murderous rampage. (two children, if we’re including Ion) And somehow this is Luke’s fault? Yeah, I don’t... buy that.

- I mean, Luke is obviously rude, callous, selfish, and arrogant. And I think all of those things are problems. All of those things are Luke’s fault and responsibility. I do think it’s upsetting that Luke is more concerned with dodging blame regarding Akzeriuth than he is concerned about... everyone who just died. And I’m certainly glad that Luke makes a decision to change. But... none of those things are really related to him feeling he can trust Van, and it’s pretty monstrously unfair to blame him for being manipulated by the only adult he really felt took his interests and concerns seriously as a kid. (I mean, obviously his parents love him, and he them. But there’s also a definite feeling that his concerns are not being prioritised by them. And that he can’t even advocate his concerns with regards to his mother, whose emotional and physical health could be endanger if Luke burdened her with his upsets.) As the player, we don’t really have a reason to trust Luke, and Luke’s loyalty to Van, more than Tear’s (and the rest of the party’s) distrust of her brother. We’ve known Luke and Tear approximately the same amount of time. But... Luke has known Van for seven years. And Luke has known Tear and Jade and Anise for a couple of weeks and has little reason to trust them. Tear spirited him away from the safety of his manor and into a dangerous world. Jade and Anise had him restrained and arrested and made no secret they were using his status for their political goals (good goals, but still...) They’re all openly disparaging of Luke. It seems pretty natural that Luke would trust Van over them, and the fact that Van was counting on that when he betrayed Luke and everyone... I mean... I also don’t blame the rest of the party for blaming Luke in the heat of the moment, but I think the game and narrative itself takes the ‘it’s your fault’ stuff a bit too seriously and uncritically. It’s also super obvious that they ramped up Luke’s unlikable qualities in preparation for what happens at Akzeriuth - pride cometh before the fall. And, even if it’s emotionally effective, it still don’t really go from point A to point B that being selfish and rude and arrogant makes you at fault for being susceptible to emotional manipulation. Which is kind of frustrating.

- Also, yeah, zol was right. You could’ve saved that kid with stalagmite or smthn, Jade.

- There’s a lot of weird bullshit along the lines of gameplay vs plot dissonance. Like trying to light barrels of oil on fire in the Abandoned Factory. I’m surprised none of them blew up in Luke’s face. Did nobody think to bring a candle? Or just have Mieu light up the dark with fire near the switch? That would have been a lot more expedient and a lot less dangerous.

- Ion: The seventh fonon was recently discovered. Jade: And thirty years ago, when I was a young lad, I was upset I couldn’t use the seventh fonon and blew up my teacher by mistake (whoopsie). me: what the flippity fuck, Ion? that’s not recent. I thought you were supposed to be better than Luke about this shit. What could possibly be responsible for this mistake - OH!

- In general, since Ion’s four years old and somehow knows a shitton about the world, it kind of takes some of the wind out of Luke’s sails when he’s had a three year lead on Ion ‘but i had more important stuff to learn, like my parent’s faces’. Luke’s amnesia and subsequent isolation are pretty well integrated into the story for the most part, but parts of it are obviously exaggerated for the sake of having a character that needs the relevant info about the game world infodumped on them.

- Mieu... is a thing. I don’t really like mascot characters as a concept in general. But I think some authors, like CLAMP, have done a good job integrating them into their stories. I can’t really say the same for Mieu though. That he kind of is Luke’s chew toy for the beginning part of the story is interesting. And that he fucked things over for his people and the Ligers due to this random accident (much like Luke) is kind of interesting. But... overall he’s just a very annoying cute thing that’s following you around for no reason. I wonder if his voice is less grating in Japanese, but the PS2 version of this game at least didn’t come with JP audio, which was kind of a bummer. I like the dub for the most part (Anise especially is really good) but I would have liked to hear the JP version this time.

- I think I still prefer platonic Guy/Luke to romantic Guy/Luke. (Although I don’t dislike it, the way I dislike Asch/Luke) but I am super charmed by the drama with Guy having all this resentment towards Asch that then becomes easier to move past once Asch gets switched out for Luke. Like, I think in some ways it’s more about Guy being in a different place looking after this helpless newly replicated Luke at age 14 compared to looking after the better-realised Asch when he was younger, rather than because of a stark difference between Luke and Asch themselves. But I can’t help but love Guy a little for seeing them so differently and feeling certain that Luke is the one that’s his friend. It’s really sweet and cute x’)

- And last thing - the hyperresonance stuff was super poorly explained. Particularly the first one between Luke and Tear. We’re told that this is something that can randomly happen when two seventh fonists interact, and Tear’s like ‘i should have been more careful’ like this is something that happens periodically that you can predict and avoid. but... how? What are the conditions that lead to this? Is this scientifically replicatable at all? Or is it something that can happen completely at random whenever Luke and Tear touch each other? Whenever Natalia and Asch touch each other? they’re just going to be having sex one day and randomly teleport out into an open field or smthn. This is so dumb. Except I know that the teleportation thing was actually 100% convenient plot bullshit, so I shouldn’t even pretend it can be made sense of in any real way, smh.

- New Game Plus! I debated quite a bit, but in the end EXP x10 was the only thing I purchased from the grade shop. I wanted to have the experience of gathering all the items and bonuses myself, since I forgot what happened the first playthrough. But I’m regretting the decision a bit now since I did all the sidequests and ultimate weapons and stuff the first time around and had a very full inventory, and I’ve already missed at least one thing on my current playthrough when a combination of not saving and forgetting how to walk lost me Barrelow X’s Capacity Core. (Not saving also made me not have a save to go back to to win against Asch at Yulia City- boo) But, regardless, even without all the other perks, I figured EXP x10 would basically mean breezing through the story, which was what in theory I wanted. But then I decided to combine this with the Unknown Difficulty Mode (enemy stats x3.5) which effectively made the game even more slow than the first runthrough, EXP x10 be damned. I spent a lot of the first part of the game crowding around Engeve, frantically trying not to die before I gathered 100 gald to stay at the Inn. I was completely outmatched on the Tartarus when it gets overrun with Griffins and Ligers. And I made about a dozen trips between the Fubras River and Engeve before I finally made it to Arietta without my characters dying. After getting my party to level 40, spamming Mystic Cage, and still getting absolutely crushed by Arietta at Coral Castle, I finally gave up. I lowered it down to Very Hard mode instead and defeated her in two minutes. After a quick search, I learned that this is considered one of the hardest battles with the hard mode stat multipliers, and it gets easier from there. So I technically could have kept going to level 50 or smthn but... it also seemed like a lot of these people were doing this challenge with the capacity cores and equipment rollover, and without them I’d most certainly have to grind more (and grind without good capacity core stat bonuses). And the simple truth of the matter is I wasn’t having fun anymore. So... if I do a third playthrough in another ten years, I’ll rollover everything properly to do Unknown properly, but in the meantime I’ll stick to whatever mode lets me farm grade the most easily.

- On that note, it became very clear that the defense stat in this game is very broken. All the characters (including your own characters, pretty much regardless of level) have /lots of HP/ and are meant to take /a lot/ of small hits - this is just the play style. So, as long as you have full TP and a way to heal, taking on characters with multiple times their usual attack and HP stats is doable. On the other hand, characters with high defense, like Arietta, Golems, etc... Even small differences between your attack stats and the opponent’s defense stats can result in your own attacks doing half/quarter/tenth of their usual damage, which means a battle taking two/four/ten times longer than usual (and you’re way more likely to run out of TP and healing items this way). I think this essentially means that high fonic/phys attack (respective of whether the character has a mage vs melee move set) are the most important stats for the player character. It would be cool if you could replicate Arietta’s defense effect with your own characters but... the truth is the bosses in these types of games are built very differently than the player characters (unlike something like pkmn)... so I’m not sure you can(?)

- Pet peeves currently include the Tales Of series’s multi-part cutscenes. It’s started already and I know it will get worse (i distinctly recall latter parts of this game where I had to fly between characters in different cities collecting cutscenes before I could move onto the next dungeon) But, yeah- I’m at a bit of a loss here because, while I like open exploration game worlds where you walk between different locations and vastly prefer this to games that teleport you between battle stages (ie Sonic Adventure 2, Disgaea) there is a lot of retreading old pathways in Abyss (as there was in Legendia) trying to negotiate between different talking heads. Like... I saved my game going up the tower at Coral Castle, intending to walk into a boss fight. And then a cutscene happened, during which I was teleported three loadscreens back in the direction I came from for another cutscene. And then I had to manually walk back the same exact route and save again, before another cutscene and finally the battle. What’s the rationale behind not just making that one big pre-battle cutscene with the travel included/implied? Maybe the fact that they DON’T HAVE A CUTSCENE/SKIT SKIP BUTTON which is another pet peeve, mind you. Another example is when you get to Luke’s home in Baticul and have to run back down to the port to retrieve the scrolls that the maids threw out, and then climb back up to his house again. It’s not like anything exciting happened on the three different elevators I took between those two points. It’s not like I don’t know what the trip between those points looked like - I just came from the port. There’s no reason not to just have it be automatic. Even attempts to reduce this - the wing bottle - are frustrating in their setup. By requiring me to spend money and keep inventory in order to use the teleport function, they are incentivising me to /not/ use the teleport function. They’re requiring me to spend money to /avoid/ doing something boring. And that’s, idk, kind of unnecessary and shitty? Like, usually in a game I want to be spending money in order to unlock new features and content and have more fun. Not to, like, avoid playing parts that I’ve played already. idk, because i do realise that streamlining some of these moments would require alterations to cut down some of the movement in the plot - and ultimately I think flying between cities to talk with different people before acting isn’t bad or unrealistic plot wise. buuuut, even if some of the multi-part cutscenes need to stay for this effect, even if not all of them could have been streamlined into a more direct line of action and travel, even if not any specific moment of this travel is unbearably awful, it still frustrates me that this clearly wasn’t even a priority for the devs.

#this has spoilers for the rest of the game too - not just the first third #meta lite #Tales of the Abyss

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fashiontrendin-blog · 6 years

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MR Book Club: 10 Books the Team Is Learning From Right Now

http://fashion-trendin.com/mr-book-club-10-books-the-team-is-learning-from-right-now/

MR Book Club: 10 Books the Team Is Learning From Right Now

Reading is one activity for which the phrase “in a phase” is not a signal of impending failure. In this case, it’s an indicator of tangible success. After a particularly fruitful reading phase, you’ll more than likely come away with imaginary friends made, lessons learned, seeds of ideas planted or, at the very least, some much needed time away from blue-ass screens. Perhaps I’m biased toward this approach: I tend to read in spurts, and as much as I roll my eyes at the arbitrary “fresh start” provided by a new year, it does seem a good a time as any to kick off a new book binge. (Also, it’s cold as hell and binge-watching TV makes me feel like a sack of potatoes.)

So, whether you’re in the midst of a reading kick yourself, or are rested and ready to start a new one too, below are ten recommendations to dig into this season care of team Man Repeller (with the added bonus of whimsical Freakebana-inspired imagery created by Emily Zirmis and Edith Young). The books this round run the gamut: We’ve got sci-fi, self-help, a coming-of-age tale, a cookbook and plenty more. Scroll to see them all and then, as always, tell us yours.

by Amor Towles

Recommended by: Harling Genre: Fiction Synopsis that won’t give away the plot: It’s a coming-of-age story intertwined with the tragic unraveling of a love triangle gone horribly wrong, set in depression-era Manhattan. What made her love it: True to the purpose of Man Repeller’s addicting books open thread, this novel hooked me from the very first chapter — a rare feat. The characters are all sad and satisfying and surprising at the same time, and the dialogue is witty in a way that is deliberate but not annoying. I started reading it during my family vacation in Japan over Christmas and finished it in two days because I kept sneaking away to my room to tear through a few more chapters. How she heard about it: Man Repeller’s addicting books open thread!

by Jonah Berger

Recommended by: Leandra Genre: Psychology (non-fiction) Synopsis that won’t give away the plot: We think we’re sooooooo individual and make sooooooo many decisions for ourselves based on things that genuinely appeal to us, and maybe that is true, but why do those things appeal to us, pray tell? INVISIBLE INFLUENCE. [Cue The Devil Wears Prada monologue on cerulean blue.] What made her love it: I’m a sucker for any piece of literature that will tell me why I am the way I am, but this one in particular is written with a tinge of a call to action as opposed to it just being swirly prose, so I found it really rewarding to be able to apply some of the learnings to the way in which I make decisions. How she heard about it: TBH, I judged a book by its cover when I was at a Hudson Newsstand getting a 32 oz bottle of Essentia water (my 2018 resolution is to be really, really thorough!) in the airport before heading to Palm Beach for Thanksgiving. I bought it because I loved the way the white and red magnet on the cover looked against the blue background. But I knew I was in for something good as I had read Jonah Berger’s previous book, Contagious. That book totally took the notion of luck out of the equation for me when it comes trying to figure out why some products succeed and others don’t.

by Adam J. Kurtz

Recommended by: Emily Genre: Advice/Self-Help (non-fiction) Synopsis that won’t give away the plot: During a time of peak media saturation, Adam’s book is the visually digestible, non-intimidating treat you didn’t realize you needed. What made her love it: You can read it section by section or even page by page. The bold color palette contrasts the simple white-lined notepad paper on which he has inscribed life advice and tips in black marker. Section titles range from “Embrace Yourself” to “Nobody Cares,” and it’s highly relatable and will make you laugh, cry and feel less crazy than you think you are. You’re actually fine! How she heard about it: via Adam’s Instagram! Which I highly recommend following if you don’t already.

by Leo Romero

Recommended by: Kate Genre: Poetry Synopsis that won’t give away the plot: The collection of pieces follow Celso from child to old man in his rural town. The stories are simple and vivid and witty and sad and magical and stick with you. What made her love it: The first piece I fell in love with is, “The Dead Have No Eyes With Which To Cry,” but each time I re-read the book another story stands out and I think about it for days. It’s filled with skeleton people and shadow gardens and bags of kittens. Sometimes Celso seems wretched, sometimes I pity him, sometimes I laugh with him, sometimes I see myself. How she heard about it: My partner and I have been visiting Leo at Books of Interest in Santa Fe for years before finding Celso there; for all the hours we’d spent pouring over rare books and finding treasures on the shelves, I had no idea Leo was a writer. N.B. to anyone near Santa Fe or passing through, I highly recommend a stop at Books of Interest. Tell Leo I say hi!

by Esther Perel

Recommended by: Haley (me) Genre: Sex/Love (non-fiction) Synopsis that won’t give way the plot: In Mating in Captivity, author/sex therapist/dream human Esther Perel explores the common belief that passion tapers off over the course of sustained, long-term monogamy. But the book’s not really about marriage, it’s about sex, love and all the ways modern culture bring them together. She weaves in tons of patient anecdotes and shows the cracks in our culture’s logic. What made me love it: As I mentioned in this piece about “keeping the mystery alive,” Perel’s thoughtful and critical commentary on today’s sexual culture made my stomach drop over and over. She is somehow both bitingly honest and gentle all at once, turning over stones I’d never thought to look at. It’s a quick and easy read, but it definitively changed the way I think about sex and love. How I heard about it: Through Esther Perel’s podcast, “Where Should We Begin.”

by adrienne maree brown

Recommended by: Patty Genre: Non-fiction Synopsis that won’t give away the plot: In adrienne’s words, “Emergent Strategy is how we intentionally change in ways that grow our capacity to embody the just and liberated worlds we long for.” What made her love it: It’s teaching me how to learn with enthusiasm, and how to follow questions with more questions. To start small and go deep. How she heard about it: After listening to adrienne’s interview on The Call with Erica Williams Simon, I began listening to her podcast “How to Survive the End of the World” (HIGHLY recommend) with her sister Autumn, and ordered this book. I feel like I’m following a curriculum of sorts, with adrienne’s kind but powerful guidance.

by Octavia Butler

Recommended by: Patty Genre: Sci-Fi Synopsis that won’t give away the plot: Dana, a black writer living in Los Angeles with her husband, is repeatedly pulled back in time to save her ancestor Rufus, a white slave-owner in the antebellum South. What made her love it: I’ve never experienced writing like this or storytelling like this. I couldn’t put it down, and I was completely transported as soon as I began reading. How she heard about it: Part of the curriculum from adrienne maree brown that I mentioned in my last recommendation!

by Brit Bennett

Recommended by: Ashley Genre: Fiction Synopsis that won’t give away the plot: The story follows two unlikely friends through the summer after high school, into college, and through their adult lives. It explores their relationships with their mothers, the church mothers who are always around, and their own feelings towards motherhood. What made her love it: This book is able to capture so much of the emotion and uncertainty that comes with early adulthood. I was most enthralled by the main character’s tether to her hometown combined with her desire to see the world. How she heard about it: I was at the airport and I judged the book by its cover.

by Otegha Uwagba

Recommended by: Amelia Genre: (Creative-leaning) Career Self-Help Synopsis that won’t give way the plot: The book offers bite-sized bits of career advice, from productivity to salary negotiation to freelancer-specific tips. I would give this book to a college graduate who’s looking to enter the “creative field” or a friend making the switch from full time, on-staff employee to that freelance life. What made her love it: Chapter 5, which is about getting paid what you deserve, and Chapter 6, what Uwagba calls “Freelancer Finances”: these are the kinds of things I wish I had learned in college before entering the workforce. How she heard about it: The author, Otegha Uwagba, writes for Man Repeller!

by Rupi Aujla

Recommended by: Jasmin Genre: Food, Wellness, Science, Life Advice — the whole shebang Synopsis that won’t give away the plot: 100 healthy recipes that actually taste good! What made her love it: Well firstly, my brother wrote it, and there’s a marinara sauce recipe named after me so what’s not to love? On a genuine, semi-non-biased level, it’s an incredibly thoughtful account of how to truly view food as medicine and the importance good nutrition plays in our well-being. I’ve seen the effects of it firsthand with both my mum and brother healing themselves from very serious illnesses through a complete overhaul of their diets, routines and overall lifestyles. It’s also packed with very delicious recipes and I know they’re good because I taste-tested a lot of them before they went into the book.

How she heard about it: Some guy with the same surname as me mentioned it once.

Photos by Edith Young. Freakebana by Emily Zirimis.

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