#but the ‘ive only ever clipped my dog’ version

[dreamcast-official]

i wanna know about the sonic cartoons!!! i have seen clips of some and i was funny i wanna know more >:]

(but im going to sleep now, ill read it tomorrow lol)

omg sleep well bestie! i will tell you all i know about the sonic cartoons

so! the first sonic cartoon was the adventures of sonic the hedgehog (1993). it was very. strange. very 90s american cartoon. none of it had anything to do with the games - which, fair enough, the games barely had any plot at this point. i dont know much about it, as i never watched it, but it was famous for a) sonic’s catchline of “i’m waitingggggggggggg” which can be incredibly grating and b) introducing the idea that sonics favorite food is chili dogs! the brazilian dub also had sonic saying “meus jovens!” (”young men!”) a lot. i dont know if this was in the english version but it was really funny to me because sonic you are 12 who are you calling a young man. the second sonic cartoon was titled just sonic the hedgehog, but it’s more commonly known as sonic sat.am, which stands for sonic saturday morning, as it was a saturday morning cartoon. it was surprisingly dark! i watched it as a kid and don’t remember much about it, but man i was scared of robotnik back then. obviously i didnt watch it as it aired but ! whatever. at the same time sat.am was airing, there was also sonic underground, which is the weirdest sonic cartoon ever in my opinion. why? well my good friend, the plot of the show was that sonic was a long lost prince who had a twin brother and sister (they r triplets) and they need to save their mother, queen aleena hedgehog, yes that is her full name, and you’ll never guess how they plan on doing this. they’re going to save their mother with the power of rock. i literally love sonic underground so much i am not joking i unironically recomend it just because of how batshit it is and also the theme song fucks, go listen to it its really good. then there was the sonic anime, sonic x. sonic x is most remembered for being the only one of the sonic cartoons to directly adapt storylines from the games, mostly sonic adventure 1 & 2 and sonic heroes, but its also remembered by the theme song: gotta go fast. yes, if im not wrong, this is where “gotta go fast” came from. the 4kids dub for sonic x sucks ASS but the brazilian version was based off of it and im extremely emotionally attached to it. no joke, i would wake up early on weekends to turn on my sonic x dvds - which i still own btw. its genuinely such a charming show even if season 3 is kinda Strange. if you get the chance, i definitely recomend it! though, its better to watch it subbed for the story, but watch it dubbed for the funnys. and the last sonic cartoon, arguably the funniest, most iconic, most fan-favorite sonic cartoon: sonic boom. the sonic boom games were....not the best. but the cartoon? the sonic boom cartoon is a fucking MASTERPIECE. the jokes are the funniest bits ive ever seen in a kids show, the voice acting is incredible in every language ive seen this show in, and the animation - while not outstanding - definitely has a charm to it. i dont know if its on netflix worldwide, but i watch it on netflix all the time - it is so fucking funny, genuinely. the “sonic boom out of context” comps do it justice because the context is usually just as batshit.

and thats the history of sonic cartoons! they are all so very near and dear to my heart.

[wigwurq]

WIG REVIEW: HILLBILLY ELEGY

I ACTUALLY WATCHED THIS MOVIE Y’ALL. I promised I would watch some Oscar movies instead of prestige TV shows with bad red wigs so I sorta did that: I watched Oscar bait. Because lordt knows this movie is not winning any Oscars (and if it does, it is truly the asterisk Oscars). THIS YEAR YOU GUYS. There is so much to discuss in this movie. Yes, the wigs too. Also there are lots of spoilers but here’s the thing: THIS MOVIE IS AWFUL AND YOU SHOULD ABSOLUTELY NOT WATCH IT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES AND INSTEAD JUST READ THIS REVIEW. I WATCHED THIS HORROR SO YOU DON’T HAVE TO! YOU ARE WELCOME! 

We begin in Kentucky 1997. AND EVERYTHING IS JUST SO KENTUCKY 1997. All landscapes/cars/people are beige and broken and depressed. We meet JD who is good at biking and saving turtles and spending the summer with his messed up family. HE IS ALSO A TERRIBLE ACTOR AS IS THE OLDER VERSION OF HIM. Important note: I did not read this book and the real JD is an awful Libertarian asshole and nothing about his story, his book, or this movie should be supported. I AM HERE FOR THE WIGS, Y’ALL. MOVING ON!

As promised, Glenn Close as JD’s grandma MAMAW (YES THAT IS HER CHARACTER NAME) looks exactly like Gene Shalit. A friend of mine made this comparison and I cannot unsee it. Amy Adams, straight off (ok maybe several years off?) deglamming for Sharp Objects is just completely frizzed (and kinda strung) out. These wigs are truly abominable as is this film. Anyway, they leave Kentucky and go back to Ohio where they live and where it is somehow more depressing than Kentucky. 

But ok the wig, y’all. Amy Adams hair is is as shitty and unmanageable as her character which might have been a choice? Still, this wig is a tangled, dried out nightmare that cannot be defended (nor can this character’s child abuse and drug problems). Within moments of returning to Ohio, Amy Adams scolds her child for allowing a gifted dog to pee on her wall to wall carpeting and then the cops have to break up a car slap fight (of her slapping her child!) that spills out into a neighbor’s house. SHE MIGHT BE THE WORST MOM IN HISTORY BUT SHE SHOULD DEFINITELY BE ARRESTED FOR WIG CRIMES.

ONTO GLENN CLOSE - SHE LOOKS LIKE GENE SHALIT. THE END. Whoever approved this wig is a huge fan of American film critic Gene Shalit sans mustache. It is the only possible explanation. AND THIS PATCHY MAKEUP. I CANNOT YOU GUYS. I realize that everyone was aiming for deglam Oscars but they went too far. 

ANYWAY. This film flashes between 1997 and 2011, where older JD (again also a terrible actor) is somehow in law school at Yale (OK?) and dating Freida Pinto who this film claims is normal law school age (FUN FACT: she’s 37). Older JD kind of has his life together other than the fact that all the snobs of law school cannot deal with this hillbilly kid who doesn’t know what a salad fork is. And then JD’s sister (played by Haley Bennett aka offbrand Jennifer Lawrence who I actually prefer more) calls and says that MOM IS IN TROUBLE PLEASE RUIN ANY LAW PROSPECTS AND COME HOME EVEN THOUGH MOM IS ABSOLUTELY THE WORST. AND HE DOES YOU GUYS!

Amy Adams’ 2011 wig/makeup/everything is probably the visualization of 2020? I assume this wig was made from leftover parts from Glenn Close’s Gene Shalit wig grafted onto a Halloween fright wig. It could very easily work for a swamp witch costume if you didn’t care about the quality of your swamp witch wig. IT IS THE WORST AS IS SHE. So she was in trouble because she overdosed on heroin...of course she did. After driving all night to get to Ohio, JD gets a call for a second interview at an important law whatever and just HAS TO GET BACK TO NEW HAVEN in the next like 6 hours which still feel like 600. The whole time he’s dealing with Amy Adams and her fright wig, it is a race against time to see if he’ll make it back and secure his future. I guess this is the plot of the movie? I could honestly not tell you. Basically the whole film (if you can call it that?) is strung together vignettes of strung out Amy Adams and yelling Glenn Close that never really add up to anything? BUT THERE IS SO MUCH YELLING ALWAYS. It’s like the opposite of a slow burn - it’s just constant flames and not the cool gay kind.

In any case, we flash back to the ‘90s where Amy Adams’ wig is basically everything Tonya Harding ever hoped and dreamed for (other than that Olympic medal...also Amy Adams would have been a much better casting choice in I, TONYA which had vastly superior wigs BUT I DIGRESS). We see how this drug habit developed - Amy Adams was a nurse and hoarded pills! This leads to the most truly outrageous film sequence I have seen in a long time where high as hell Amy Adams roller skates through the halls of the hospital where she works in her damn nurses scrubs and obviously immediately gets fired. Also her dad dies! Also she tries to kill herself and ends up screaming bloody murder (also covered in blood) in the middle of street and then goes to rehab (rehab doesn’t work). And then gets married to some rando. And then she gets some new job and needs JD to lend her some pee so she can still be a nurse. This all happens in the course of like 10 minutes.  Like I said, this movie is constant insane vignettes - it’s like 100 plots at once and also no plot at all.

And then JD - definitely out of nowhere - develops a gang of terrible drug addicted teenage friends (sure!) who steal/crash cars and make everyone super pissed at JD. ALSO! For reasons unknown or ever explained, Glenn Close ends up in the hospital herself and then has the realization that only she can save JD from his effed up life AND TEARS ALL THE IVS OUT OF HER ARM AND STORMS OUT OF THE HOSPITAL WITH NO CONSEQUENCES OR EXPLANATIONS AS TO WHY SHE WAS THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE! YOU GUYS. 

Also! JD tries to steal a graphing calculator for school from Radio Shack (this is for sure the most 90s sentence I’ve written in a while!) AND GLENN CLOSE IS PISSED! She lays down the law and also buys the graphic calculator herself even though that means they have to live off meals on wheels. BUT! Then he gets the best grade of the entire class on his math quiz and I DEMAND TO KNOW HOW HE KNEW HE HAD THE BEST GRADE IN THE ENTIRE CLASS AS THIS IS NEVER EXPLAINED OR SHOWN AND I NEED ANSWERS! Regardless, the graphing calculator not only saved JD’s grade point average but maybe set him on the path to Yale??? The concept that consumerism is the only thing that will help you as a “hillbilly” is really troubling and bespeaks the issues with this work of non-fiction as a whole. Anyway this movie really want you to know that GRAPHING CALCULATORS SAVE LIVES!!!

There is also a wig battle royale between Amy Adams and Glenn Close wherein there are absolutely no winners (but we, the viewer, definitely loses most!) It is honestly unclear to me how this fight ends (or how any fights end in this movie) because every interaction turns immediately into a fight and when said fight reaches its zenith, the movie cuts away to another vignette! Regardless, the wigs are complete garbage AS IS THIS MOVIE.

Back in 2011, Amy Adams refuses to be admitted to a rehab facility and older JD drives her back to her druggie boyfriend’s house which looks like this and I was like...hold up where have I seen this house before?

The answer is: 2010′s THE FIGHTER ALSO STARRING AMY ADAMS DEGLAMMING HERSELF FOR AN OSCAR SHE DIDN’T WIN! Ok actually in comparison, these houses aren’t that similar other than they are depressing houses with multitier front porches BUT STILL. 

Anyway, JD leaves Amy Adams and her sad swamp witch wig at some random motel where nothing is resolved between them at all and then he drives all night back to New Haven whilst talking to Freida Pinto on the phone (SHE NEEDS TO SLEEP TOO, DUDE! HOW DO YOU THINK SHE IS PLAYING 14 YEARS HER JUNIOR! SLEEP!) And then...he does get to the interview and....the movie ends!! WHAT!TRULY AND FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART: WHAT DID I JUST WATCH AND WAS IT A MOVIE? I STILL DON’T KNOW!

There is an epilogue of pictures of the real people and you guys: MAMAW LOOKED NOTHING LIKE GENE SHALIT. Also why do I even care about these real people???? Yes the real JD made something of himself....he wrote the book on which this movie is based and became a Libertarian asshole and worked with Peter Theil?!?! OK??? I guess the full story is in the epilogue? But this movie absolutely begins and ends nowhere and in between we are treated to a lot of nonsensical yelling and terrible, awful, no good wigs. I IMPLORE YOU: DO NOT WATCH THIS MOVIE!!!!!! MAYBE WATCH SOME YOUTUBE CLIPS OF GENE SHALIT INSTEAD! 

VERDICT: DOESN’T WURQ

[audiogrizzly]

Top 5 Games of 2019

It was a little tricky to construct a top 5 for this year, though there have been a couple of surprises.  I wasn’t expecting the year to be a bit crap as we are no w on the cusp once more of a new generation.  But 2012 wasn’t all that bad of a year (PS4 and Xbox One would release in 2013) and at the moment, everyone is doing alright.  PS4 has sold through over 100 million systems, Nintendo are definitely on an “on” generation with Switch, Xbox has been able to get back into peoples good books with things like Game Pass (on both Console and PC, their PC side they seem to really be turning around), there’s even interesting things happening in the mobile space with Apple Arcade.

This won’t be the last year where my top 5 games are full of current gen titles, I am expecting the new systems to drop in around November, last time it was hard to find a top 5 specific to PS4 (as I listed each platform separately back then).  It IS however, another list of mostly AAA tier games.  If you want to know what smaller more “interesting” games I have been playing, check out my honourable mentions at the end.

Also, follow me on Melee.  It’s this new image blogging service from Imgur which you can download now on the IOS App Store (its just on iPhone at the moment) and it has seemingly been built to help people share gaming related clips and images off of places like Twitter and Instagram (and err, here on Tumblr).  I posted a couple of daft clips of me failing in Modern Warfare and Destiny 2 and it didn’t take long for them to amass a few likes and comments.

That sounded like a sponsored advert but ain’t nobody paying me for this.  Let’s get into my top 5

5. Star Wars Jedi Fallen Order

I was about to select Gears 5 to be my number 5 until I saw sense and cast my memory back to when I started playing Jedi (all the way back in November.  I was impressed by its intense action, impressive visuals and great characters.  I especially enjoyed the 4 armed pilot who always complains.  I did feel that towards the end I got sick of managing large groups of enemies so I dropped the difficulty to get through it, but I still haven’t achieved 100% of activities on all planets so I can still go back to it one day.

4. Borderlands 3

We all knew this was coming but not even I had any idea that we would have been actually playing it in 2019 way back at the start of the year.  For me, I look at the game.  I don’t care about weird magicians or their insane sounding legal woes, all I’m interested in is the work of a team who deserved better for their last title, but am still glad returned to what they do best, looting and shooting.  I enjoyed rejoining these characters I have followed over the last 10 years, all the referenced to older games, cameos from characters from Tales From the Borderlands and The Pre Sequel and was sad to see some people go.  I still have about a year of extra content to go through and I really appreciate the efforts they have made to make the game last longer than just one playthrough through in the Proving Grounds, Circle of Slaughter and Mayhem modes.  Though I have always tended to stick to Borderlands games and create builds for each and every vault hunter, so I will be doing that.

3. Mortal Kombat 11

It’s been a while since I last put a fighting game into my end of year round up.  And I HAVE fallen off MK11 a little bit, but this entry reminded me of how impressive it is for Nether Realms to pack their fighting games with some many things to do and keep people playing outside of just going into matchmaking and fighting others.  The Vault this year is basically another little adventure full of exploration and puzzle solving and the Towers of Time give you plenty of challenge and direction of many months to come.  You also have to give the developer credit for never backing down on the brutality of the game, they must have all got their heads together after DC Universe vs. and vowed never again to make watered down versions of Fatalities.  It is a game that keeps getting better and better.

2. Call of Duty Modern Warfare

I was debating whether or not to include this years CoD.  I always get the same type of enjoyment out of it each year, people complain that it never changes but I’m glad it sticks to a formula.  Of course they are not identikit games, there are new maps, new modes, new ways of building your loadout and new touches, like how in this year you can snap to edges to stay in cover while you shoot, there’s the new special equipment system where you can drop ammo or reduce your footstep noise.  Having doors you can either peek through or smash open adds another level of strategy, there have been times where I have been able to escape being under fire by closing a door, re-positioning and then wasting whoever just wanders in.

The campaign this year, good to see it back, but whatever, the co-op mode is Spec Ops again, like it was back in MW2 and 3 but on a much larger scale, I have yet to complete one of these btw.  But as always, it’s the multiplayer that does it for me and Modern Warfare deserves credit for being what must be the first AAA game to feature cross platform play, not just launch with it.  I know that games like Fortnite are popular, but I don’t see that as a AAA title, it doesn’t have the full package, it’s just a mode and it started off small.  Call of Duty is expected to be big each year, has a lot riding on it and allowing for cross play is a big step.  I especially appreciate being able to play with a keyboard and mouse on PS4 and being able to matchmake only with people playing with controllers on PC, in fact, I have never really given the game much of a shot on PC before as I know people just fall of it, there has often been low player numbers reported on the PC versions of CoD and it looks like it won’t have that problem this time round due to cross play.

Modern Warfare still has to contend with Destiny 2 and Overwatch for my time as my main multiplayer game but it’s still as fun as ever.

1. Control

Put this down as my main “surprise” game of 2019.  A game which was not on my watch list, though I was aware of it as you can’t ignore a game from the makers of Max Payne (I did skip Alan Wake and didn’t care much for Quantum break though).  Bought it at the last minute before its release, downloaded it and was wowed by the sinister nature of the environment you run around in.  This weird fictitious US government agency which looks into paranormal activity which you seem to have become in charge of because you picked up a mysterious weapon from the deceased Director while searching for your brother.  What then follows is about 12 hours of wacky powers and odd video clips as you unearth what has been going on in this strange ever morphing building.

I especially loved how the game never holds your hand too much, the map of each floor is vague enough that you also have to rely on in-game signposting to move around, as well as a bit of memory work.  There is also great humour involved too in some of the PSA posters on a lot of the walls, the antics of the caretaker and the videos you find of Dr. Darling throughout the game.

I did have a few weird technical issues with the game throughout playing, but still found it to be visually pleasing, there was this weird hitch that used to appear after coming out of the pause screen that always threw me, it would be followed by a few moments of low performance before getting back into the smooth action.  But this didn’t stop me from having a great time with Control.  Perhaps the game that will be the most prominent in my head when I think of 2019.

So there you have it, control is my best game of 2019.  But let’s look at the other new games I played throughout the year in my honourable mentions:

Gears 5

The Outer Worlds

Days Gone

Apex Legends

Far Cry New Dawn

Trover Saves the Universe

Concrete Genie

Devil May Cry 5

Tom Clancy's The Division 2

And also a special mention to these old games that were rereleased/remastered/repackaged etc in 2019:

Borderlands Game of the Year Edition Remastered

Halo Reach

And now, a look at the games I have on my watchlist for 2020:

Cyberpunk 2077

Last of Us Part 2

Ghost of Tsushima

Halo: Infinite

Watch Dogs Legion

Phantasy Star Online 2

Gods & Monsters

Doom Eternal

Overwatch 2

Diablo IV

Minecraft dungeons

Marvel's Avengers

Carrion

Streets of Rage 4

Will they all even come out?  Let’s find out, happy new year!

[bangtangurlarmy]

Memories Are Made || Jungkook

Pairing - Jeon Jungkook x Reader

Genre - Angst, Fluff

Summary - With Jungkook having lost his memory, and you told not to drop the ‘hey guess what I’m your girlfriend’ bomb on him, things take an unexpected yet pleasant turn when he’s the one to drop the bomb.

Inspired by the teaser of Love Yourself

Jungkook remembered nothing. He remembered his name because you kept addressing him with it, and he was beginning to get to know you because you were hanging around in his room every time he slipped in and out of consciousness.

He didn't know what kind of relationship he shared with you. You claimed to be his friend, which you'd said with much difficulty and hesitation, making him wonder if you were somebody else to him. Somebody who meant more.

Nonsense, he thought. You'd tell him if you were...wouldn't you?

Getting into an accident was not his hobby, thank you very much. But if people can't learn to not drive recklessly on the road, the world might even end up with less than seven billion people. And out of all of them, he was found on the street, bleeding and unconscious. The doctors would later declare him almost brain dead. Jungkook would be in a coma.

Miracles existed, he supposed. Or the doctors did. Two months later, a nurse walked in getting the fright of her life seeing Jungkook wide awake, confused as hell, which he very easily conveyed, "Where am I?"

Everything to the last moment was forgotten. No faces were recognizable, no names were familiar, nothing. Nil; Zero.

And then you were there. Every morning, you'd chirp a "Good morning, Jungkook! How are you feeling today?" Like as though you were expecting another miracle to happen and he would remember who you were. Or who anybody else was. One miracle was fine; two was being greedy.

Like that - in moments of unfamiliarity and uncertainty - two more months passed. Jungkook had a good eye, and noticed you were exhausted greatly. It didn't have to be dark circles, or frizzed and unkempt hair. The chirpiness in you voice had abandoned you, now becoming a slightly boring version of it, "Morning, Kook." - He loved that nickname, but he still couldn't shake off the feeling of having heard it somewhere - "You doing good?"

He always answered you, "Yeah, I'm fine. You?" When he'd first asked you that, your eyes brimmed. He wanted to take his words right back because, poor him, he didn't know you weren't expecting any sort of reply. But soon enough, the two of you were accustomed to the brief greetings.

One day, Jungkook was curious.

"Didn't we ever talk more than 'Hello, how are you?'" He asked, genuinely curious eyes drifting to catch yours. You were frozen stiff, almost scared. Why was he asking you this? Did he remember something?

"No, we didn't." Came your clipped reply.

He was disappointed. He really wished he could find out what kind of connection the two of you had shared. Because, right now, he was developing a crush on you. A huge, massive, heart fluttering, stomach-butterflies-giving crush. And if the two of you hadn't been dating, or hadn't been as close as he was assuming the two to have been, then oh boy, he was in deep trouble.

It's okay, he thought, I'll find my way.

Jungkook was bored. Utterly, and inconsolably bored. "Pleeeeaaase," he whined like a kid, "I want out of this room, it's so suffocating in here!" And when he noticed you weighing different options and consequences, he added a little bit more effort in helping you making a decision. He cocked his head ever so slightly, puckering his lips into a tiny pout. You'd fall for it. Definitely; he was so sure.

"Fine!" You exclaimed, beaten by his puppy-dog look. Getting up and making your way to an excited twenty year old - God, was he really twenty? He seemed ten at that moment - you made a deal. No wandering out of your sight, and no funny business. Like a mother cautioning her kid. He agreed instantly.

You helped him stand, and just those moments of intimacy were enough to set sparks flying. He'd fallen for you - so hard.

You grabbed his hoodie, and brought it above his head to help him wear it, you having to stand on your tippy toes and in very close proximity. Although you'd been used to such closeness, you worried over whether he would be. But he seemed to enjoy it way more than he should've. Just as you'd helped him put his arm through the sleeve, you tripped over your own feet - clumsy you - and would've fallen over if it weren't for Jungkook's strong arms catching you immediately.

Red color creeped up your neck as he continued watching you, his eyes - somehow - holding the same adoration he used to watch you with before the accident. It made a wave of mixed feelings crash into you. What was happening?

You cleared your throat awkwardly, and he took it as a signal to let you go, you were okay. Thanking him quietly, you brought over the IV pole, rolling it into his reach. He held it, and you made sure he was able to walk straight without toppling over. When you still were fussing over him, he said, "Y/N, it's okay. I won't get better if I just sit around all day. Come," He stretched out a hand. You stared at it, transfixed. Did he want you to hold it?

Why isn't she holding it? Panic began flowing, Jungkook suddenly worried that he had struck the wrong chord. And just as he was about to retreat his hand, you held it. First, with both your hands.

He stared at your hands - much smaller, compared to his. So cute. He wanted to reach over and squish your cheeks. He actually was about to, but then images began overflowing into his mind; memories, maybe. A sudden sense of deja vu washed over him. This happened before. Well, not in the same setting or not down-to-the-detail before...but, he'd had this familiar feeling of wanting to pinch your cheeks.

"Jungkook?" He snapped from his thoughts; you were looking at him, worried. Worried about what? He'd remember something?

He figured he'd keep quiet. He didn't know for sure if that really was a memory.

The two of you walked out of his suffocation room, and into the lobby. Barely filled, it was easy to fit in the narrow corridor, among rushing doctors or nurses. It felt as though everything was moving so fast, in a blur, and you two were just there, walking; taking your own time.

You didn't realize you'd walked out of the building and into the garden behind the hospital. Well, at least you both were getting some much needed fresh air. While walking, you felt your hand brush his repetitively. It was hard to resist the urge to just turn around and hug him. Kiss him. And tell him everything. About how you two had been dating for more than a year, how he was on the way home to you and had almost died in the accident but blood transfusion at the right moment prevented a great loss. So close to death, he was. And now, look at him: strutting about like his memory loss was no big deal.

You hadn't said a word only because the doctor had asked you not to. He’d just advised you to drop subtle hints, and see if he could take it. To you, it was like starting the friendship all over again. It was agonizing, but you hoped it would be worth it. Suddenly, you just felt burdened. You wanted to sit down. Ready to tell him you were tired, you opened your mouth. But he beat you to it by holding your hand.

It happened fast. Yet slow. His eyes were blank, no kind of familiarity or recognition in them as he progressed towards you, closing the gap between you two. Your pulse quickened in sickening anticipation. What was happening?

He stared at you like that, without any emotion in his eyes, like the first time he'd seen you after waking up. Then, before you could do anything, he bent down and kissed your lips. You didn't dare move, lest you trigger some sort of defense from him.

He kept his lips pressed firm against yours, and when he straightened, his eyes shone with something new. And right then, you dared to hope. Had he remembered?

"Y/N..." It trailed off, his voice gentle.

"I remember you." He said.

He remembered.

HAPPY JUNGKOOK DAY AYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYA ITS MY BIAS’ BIRTHDAY AYAYAYAYAYYAYA

[trevorbailey61]

Kraftwerk 3D

Symphony Hall, Birmingham

Tuesday 13th June 2017

The seventies were grim. A decade of industrial unrest and economic meltdown where bankrupt cities decayed as litter would blow their across deserted streets and those who could fled to the suburbs leaving only the homeless, pimps and drug dealers behind. Even those havens on the edge of town offered only slight relief; Britain was a failed state where power cuts and a three day week were followed at the end of the decade by the winter of discontent. Rubbish remained uncollected and bodies were left on slabs in mortuaries unburied. Yes the seventies were grim, at least that is what we are told. This is the version written by those who were to see salvation arriving in the form of Thatcher, rescuing us from malaise into which we had sunk, a version that emphasises the bad and ignores the good. “Never forget the chaos before Thatcher” greets any challenge to the status quo that sees the stagnating wages, diminishing opportunities and falling standards of living for the many whilst a few take an ever greater share of the wealth. This, we are told, is how it has to be, the alternative is to go back to the seventies and that was, as we keep telling you, grim.

Instead of being a version of history, however, this has become the version, the one that is used as a threat to those who didn’t live through it who have little on which to build their own. Each of us, however, has our own memories that create a different story, one in which the decade was far more optimistic and exciting. My story sees me go from junior school to starting university, a decade of exploration, the excitement of discovery and the intensity of emotions experienced for the first time. My horizons broadened as the boundaries that had once marked the extent of my world were broken forever. A time of long warm summer days, where we could stay out long after the sun had set, and short sharp cold winters, the reality of course was very different but these are the memories. By the middle of the decade, I was at secondary school, old enough to be trusted on a night out with my friends, a regular one I am now ashamed to say was disco at a local Conservative club, and to go to football matches without having to be escorted by my dad. It was also where my unhealthy obsession with music started to develop. From the start of the decade, songs were making their way into my young mind, leaving an impression so strong that I still know the lyrics to “In the Year 2525” by Zager and Evans despite not having heard it for years. A few years later, I acquired my first singles, “Hot Love” by T Rex and “Double Barrel” by Dave and Ansell Collins, played to the point of destruction. More followed, some, “Starman”, “Pyjamarama” and “This Town Ain’t Big enough for the Both of Us“ still seem like cool choices, others, “Son of My Father”, “Tiger Feet”, “Blockbuster” less so. As my physical world expanded, so to did did my musical world, beyond the short burst of pop so that albums began to nestle alongside those early singles; my short attention span, however, meaning that they were rarely absorbed in a single sitting. “Led Zeppelin IV” “Dark Side of the Moon”, “The Yes Album” became my challenges, concentration was needed to unpick them, just playing “Black Dog” then moving onto something else meant that the threshold to the adult world was still out of reach.

It is often forgotten that 1975 was a glorious summer, mainly because it was topped by the year that followed it, but it was during those bright sunlit days that the order started to change, that rather than holding a secret only accessible to a chosen few, these behemoths of prog would start to be seen as being a bit pretentious. For me, the catalyst for this came from a very unlikely source. Then, television was a family experience where after a meal we would all sit around to watch the evening’s entertainment unfold, something that usually involved our parents complaining about our tastes but being selfish and stroppy we usually managed to get our own way. One programme we all watched, however, was “Tomorrow’s World” which one evening included a short film about four smartly dressed Germans striking metal discs with what looked like knitting needles. Playing what we now know to be “Autobahn”, the announcer informs us that they have recently managed to dispense with all recognisable instruments and ”next year, they hope to eliminate the keyboard altogether,” The future will see them wearing jackets with electronic lapels that will be played by touch. Now the clip looks bizarre, Florian Schnieder’s last look into the camera is creepy and the electronic music sounds primitive but then it was revolutionary and that single moment inspired many to give up on trying to contort their hands into forming an Fm7 chord and pursue their rock ’n’ roll dream by programming a synthesiser. The single most important event in the evolution of dance music? - forty years on The Guardian identified it as just that.

They never did get those jackets and of the four who featured in the film, three have now departed leaving just Ralf Hütter as the sole original member. The culmination of those plans outlined the their Dusseldorf studio all those years ago, however, appears towards the end of this intensely absorbing show. With just a logo left on the screen informing us that this has been a “Kling Klang Musikfilm” the stage is left in darkness as the curtain is slowly drawn to hide the four lecterns that are lined up across the front. A deep electronic pulse soon resonates around the hall followed by a few clangs and bleeps, eventually combining to form the recognisable introduction to what will follow. Faster and faster it gets as the curtain opens to reveal the source, four red shirted robots staring vacantly out at the audience. Their upper bodies rotate while their arms make slow dramatic gestures, managing to be in sync despite the slow deliberate movements appearing to be a different dimension to the beat of the music. The instruments have gone, no keyboards, no human presence at all, just technology, a possible glimpse into a future where artificial intelligence will keep the music alive long after its creators have gone, “We are programmed just to do, Anything you want us to”.

It is a tempting narrative but it is based on two myths, the first being that Kraftwerk have always been focused purely on technology and secondly that they have always been about the future. True, they often seem to encourage these easy perceptions but even during “Numbers”, built around counting up and down in a heavily synthesised voice, it becomes clear that the importance is not the technology itself but the human interaction with it. As technophiles, the future they saw was full of optimism but in some cases the music has taken on a more sinister meaning that it never had on release. “Computer World” becomes about the dehumanising effects of big data whilst “Radioactivity” has become an elegy to the victims of the nuclear disasters read out in the introduction. Reworked to a faster pace with a trance like beat, the dispassionate reading out of these disasters and Hütter singing some of the lyrics in Japanese, makes it eerily haunting. “Computer Love” sees the human interface at is most vulnerable, isolated staring at the screen, using the computer as a means of finding love, in some ways one of their most prescient songs.

Whilst Kraftwerk were, and in many ways reman, cutting edge, there was always more than a whiff of nostalgia about their future. The VW and Mercedes cars that drive along the “Autobahn” are those around when the music was created and it is doubtful that even German roads were ever that quiet, but then the song has always been about the ideal of the open road rather than the reality. “Spacelab” could be straight out of a 50s sci-fi movie, the 3d glasses worn by the audience likewise, and the effect of the satellite reaching out into the audience is startling, someone sitting a couple of rows in front of me ducks. It also finishes with the spaceship flying over Birmingham and landing outside Symphony Hall, despite their impassive manner, they always did show a wry sense of humour. The music from “Tour De France” is accompanied by images from the race over the years but with added graininess to give even the most recent images a vintage feel.

“Tour De France” also shows that despite producing little in the way of new material for over a quarter of a century, they have continually reworked their music to adapt to changing tastes, the availability of new methods of producing their sound and their own, mostly Hütter’s, relentless quest for perfection. It is “Tour De France” that has changed the most since I last saw them four years ago, becoming a montage of man and machine, trance like rhythms and swirling melodies, it was almost possible feel the sweat. The clear acoustics of Symphony Hall meant the low bass of “Man Machine” vibrated every muscle, so much louder that it had been last time. There were some shouts for the volume to go up but it seemed right to me, loud when it needed to be but also providing quiet moments, the dynamics showing the grasp they always had for the feel of the music. No where was this better illustrated than on the delicate beauty of “Neon Lights”. The pounding bass and crashing metal on metal of “Trans Europe Express” again seemed to leap out of the speakers with more force than before but “The Model” was pretty much as it has always been, perfection needs no reworking.

The last time we saw Kraftwerk was at Latitude festival four years ago, I loved them but many there, including my wife, were soon complaining that they were a bit boring. In fairness, a Suffolk field is not the best place to be drawn into a spectacle like this and seeing them amongst their most dedicated fans in a more enclosed space made it all the more special. Hütter’s never ending quest is to bring music and visuals into one completely coherent work of art, hence the shows being presented in art galleries, and this leads to his constant reworking of the music to achieve the perfect marriage. This does have the advantage of refreshing those songs recorded over forty years ago, making for an exhilarating ride that has even converted my wife into a fan. As for me, I will be doing it all again on Sunday - “Musik - Non Stop”.