#but the complexity of renee and religious has my head spinning in all directions

[jupitersrising]

I think the final thing that convinced Renee of Christianity wasn't God, it wasn't church service, it wasn't her mom. No—it was the angels. Angels whose first words are be not afraid, angels who are terrible and bloody and at the will of God. Angels who are good, good, good and forever holy because they are deemed so.

If they are good, despite being horrifying to look at and incomprehensible to perceive, why can't she? For all she's done, her first words to others should very well be: be not afraid. It might have saved her some suffering over the years. It might mean she can still be a good person. "I am a bad person trying very hard to be a good person." She knows she is a bad person, she is trying not to be. She is saying be not afraid in her own way. And maybe it's still a warning; maybe she's still asking for people to be afraid of her because she is not a good person. But she's trying, and by God if that doesn't mean something then she doesn't know what does.