#but the specific phrasing is soooo christian to me and being asked that question just makes me think of like

[moinsbienquekaworu]

Oh my god is today Thanksgiving??

[remarkablyunusual]

Why Me?

Hi Tumblr visitors! That awkwardness hits me when trying to write this post because I have not spent some time to write anything, due to all the business I had since couple of years ago. Although, the term “busy” only applies if we ­don’t make any time eh?

As time goes by, opportunities and circumstances approach, intervene, and leave, I then discover myself becoming someone who loves to ask the reason behind any occurrence. My brain is getting critical; it loves to find the logical details why this occurs, why that occurs, why someone experiences that, this, blah blah blah. I often ask myself: do I have to match the “action = reaction” formula in everything I witness?

“Why does the sun rise from the east?” “Why do fish live in the sea?” “Why does God prefer humans to live on earth instead of creating atmosphere in the Saturn so that we could live there?” “Why do K-Pop dramas got loved by almost everyone?” “Why are the Kardashians/ Jenners family so perfect (from the outside)?” Why this, why that, I asked too much and the suitable answers have not been met.

If I could jump into conclusion, maybe this way of thinking got enhanced because of me studying law – and further, working in a law firm now. We are required to find specific reasons why we should do this, why we shouldn’t do that; why we should advise others to do this instead of doing that, yeah that kind of thing. Moreover, we are obligated to provide the laws behind those advices and explanations to ensure our interlocutors. This is good at some point; though it may be disturbing on the other side, especially for those who do not engage with law people often. LOLs.

The above paragraphs are just introductory, folks. I hope it does not bother you since the real thoughts of mine which reflect the “Why Me” title is going to be explained in the following paragraphs. I am building a career in the legal field, which is why I always explain something in a very detailed, specific, and complete method. Yeah I assume you know law people well, ain’t you all?

*****

#1 Why Me?

Back in primary school days, I was chosen to be the class leader for a few times. I don’t know why I got picked; maybe because of that firm attitude that I had – especially because I hang out with boys a lot. Duh. However if I may say, the teachers did not dig myself well enough cause I was actually very tender inside lho… Hmm. #pede

Anyways, being a class leader was no fun at some point. You gotta collect the papers and homework on time. You gotta report the naughty kids to the teachers – and got kept in distance by them accordingly. You gotta re-write the teachers’ note on the blackboard, I repeat, on the blackboard with lots of chalks powder that ruined my breathing system and my Sunsilk hair. Sorry, my BnB Kids hair I mean. You got befriended only because they intended to copy your homework. You gotta be scolded and hit by board erasers/wooden rulers if you protect your noisy classmates. Yes these kinds of punishment were a hit among teachers that time. AND IT WAS PAINFUL LOH DIPUKUL GURU KAYAK GITU :’) Nasib, nasib.

“Why should I be the one who experiences this?” “Why should I be the one who takes the responsibility?” “WHY ME?”

And I have not got the answers until I finished the primary school era.

#2 Why Me?

We hop to 2012 ya. In 2012, I forced myself to join informal courses, particularly those who could teach me social studies so that I may win the ticket to be an UI law student. However, I got pessimistic of course since we all know becoming an UI student is like an elephant trying to enter a goat-size door. I gotta beat other approx. 2000 contestants just to win a ticket, at that time.

Around May/June of 2012 if I am not mistaken, I saw a very heartwarming website – one I never saw before, which melted me and successfully made me and everyone in my house cried joyfully, yes that is the SNMPTN website. It typed a magnificent sentence which contained my name plus the “LULUS DI UNIVERSITAS INDONESIA” phrase on it.

I did not why I got picked. I was just a regular town girl who loved to hang out and watch movies. Did my efforts fascinate God so that He picked me instead of that rich/smarty-pants kids?

“WHY ME?”

And I still have not got the answer, until now.

#3 Why Me?

Years passed, I finally obtained my bachelor’s degree in law. Plans after graduating? Not much. Preparing to send CVs and experiencing a little getaway were the only things popped in my head at that time. However, insecurities increased when I had been unemployed for almost 2 months after the graduation day, meanwhile the other graduates had already updated their LinkedIn profile.

The CVs that I sent were countless though. I think almost all law firms in greater Jakarta area had kept one of those in their credentials. While waiting and screening, around the beginning of March 2016, a law firm called me to join their one-month internship program. Considering the firm was prominent plusI was jobless and broke, I decided to accept the offer. Turned out, I did not feel like I belonged to this firm since the environment, especially the bosses, did not fit me well. I wanted to get out that much. I prayed a lot so that God would grant me a friendly workplace, particularly a top-tier law firm which is associated with international law firm, so that I may pursue a brighter career with friendly people.

Miracle happened. On the last day of my internship, I got called by a top-tier law firm saying that I got in! It was unbelievably shocking since there were hundreds of applicants who did the entrance test. I then cried happily since I know God gave me a gift as perfect as I wished previously.

Dude, among all other applicants who must be smarter, richer, more experienced, plus prettier than me, the partners chose me?

“WHY ME?”

And I have not got any specific answers til now, though.

#4 Why Me?

On the third day of working in my new workplace, the other shocking news struck me to the ground. My dad died. He was sick in the previous month but got healed accordingly. So the news saying him died grew anger and tears in me since there were no prior thoughts on thinking him leave so early like that! Knowing I could not, and should not, be mad at God, I kept thinking so hard why my dad died so early like that. Why did not he give us any signals? Why did he die so “smoothly” until we were left with confusions like this? Why should my nuclear family experience this? “WHY ME?”

Got no answers til now, although I am still waiting for God to show me the reasons, at least.

#5 Why Me?

As a Christian, I should know why I decided to choose and follow Jesus Christ instead of the other gods. I found too many answers – one of them is because He decided to choose me first.

JOHN 15:16 (NIV)

“You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit – fruit that will last – and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you.”

GALATIANS 1:15a (NLT)

“But even before I was born, God chose me and called me by His marvelous grace, then it pleased me to reveal His Son to me so that I would proclaim the Good News about Jesus to the Gentiles.”

Goodness gracious, how could I, and the other fellas who proclaim Him as God, be chosen by Him? Are we worthy enough to be chosen by Him? Moreover He chose us not to be His worshippers only, but to be His children! What did I do Lord until You chose me to be Your children, even when I was still in my mother’s womb?

“WHY ME?”

To this “Why Me” question, I have obtained the answer. It is very simple yet worth everything towards our lives; that is God’s love. JOHN 3:16 (NIV) “For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal live.”

*****

The above stories are just some of the “Why Me?” stories I could sum up to you guys. Please note that by mentioning the accomplishments above, it does not mean that I am trying to boast myself. I am just trying to describe the curious minds I have had when experiencing something.

In conclusion, there is almost no clearer explanation in every situation occurred in our lives. We might crave to wait for the credits and find who the directors are to those situations; or if God had a smartphone, we would love to chat Him every single time we are confused why something bad/good happening to us. However, I learn that if God granted us the ability to know every reason behind a situation, life would not be excited. We would get anxious to do certain things because we already knew what was going to happen if we do those certain things. The world would have too many templates because the “action-reaction” formula would exist in every situation. The humans would not ask God what is happening. The humans would not rely on God anymore.

So now what to do? Just believe and hope for the best! It might be soooo hard to do this in certain situations. However, let us train ourselves to always move forward. Instead of wasting the time trying to find the reasons, why won’t we proudly enter a new chapter of life?

Cheers to good things in life!

-MRE (29 January 2017)