#but then since wednesday i’ve been doing two housesitting jobs at the same time

[lesbiandarvey]

this week has been probably one of the most stressful weeks of my life . not like the most but like it’s up there. like finals week energy. i’m working 3 jobs rn and my week officially ends on tuesday ohmygod i’m so excited my moms even baking me a cake to celebrate

[themangoyogurt]

Clementine: Chapter 2

You cursed yourself as a ridiculous love ballad blared from Poe’s overpriced stereo system. All you had wanted was a night of relaxation. The marble tub in the master ensuite was already filled with hot water and a bath bomb that was so overpriced it was practically criminal. Next to the tub, a chilled glass of white wine patiently waited along the latest novel you were gobbling up.

You had stupidly decided that some calming music was the final piece to your self-care puzzle. Except, you had never used something as high-tech as what Poe’s place offered. One wrong button later, and you were ninety-percent sure that only twenty-percent of your ear drum would be functional after this fiasco.

To make matters worse, there was angry knocking at the front door. The aggressive sound was so furious that it somehow cut through the music, causing you to flush in embarrassment as you ran to get the door. You were so frazzled from breaking the sound system and subsequently upsetting your neighbor that you even forgot to grab a robe on your way out.

The door flung open to reveal a man so large and imposing, you lost your breath.

He was in nothing except a single pair of boxers and fuzzy slippers. Despite his distinctly disheveled (and frankly, sloppy) look, he was handsome. Handsome, built like a refrigerator, and angry. Ogling your neighbor would do no good if he murdered you.

Except, one moment he looked furious and the next, perplexed. Normally, you’d bristle if any man so obviously gave you a once over, but the way his mouth comically hung open made you less offended.

“Clementine,” was all he uttered.

The two of you stared at each other in silence, when the start of yet another pop song interrupted the moment. You startled to attention and rushed to explain, “I am so sorry about the disturbance. I can’t figure out how to work Poe’s stupid stereo and now the thing won’t shut off!”

The stranger peered around your shoulder and a hardened gaze returned to his face. He gritted out, “And where’s Poe to help you out?”

Your brow furrowed, and you could have sworn that he almost looked bitter at the statement. Deciding not to get into it with a stranger, you politely replied, “He’s flying right now. I’m just housesitting while he’s gone.”

The man softened ever so slightly at the response and straightened up. “I think we have the same system. I could help you turn it off.”

“Oh thank goodness,” you breathed in relief, quickly stepping aside to let him in. The stranger seemed to know his way around the gigantic apartment, and you assumed that his layout was either the same or he’d been here before.

Awkwardly shuffling behind him, you timidly supplied your name in an attempt to start a conversation. He merely grunted out, “Kylo.” He didn’t even spare you a glance as he busied himself with tapping at a seriously sci-fi looking box.

After a few minutes of strained silence, the music finally cut out. The sudden quietness was so strong your ears nearly rang from the lack of sound. “Uhm, thank you! Can I make you a mug of tea or something?” you ventured, politeness outweighing the sheer awkwardness as you realized you were two half-naked strangers staring at each other.

He shuffled a bit before giving a terse nod.

Jeez, nobody’s forcing him to hang out with me, you thought in response to his frosty reaction.

Speaking of frosty, you noticed his eyes zeroing in on your rather pointed chest, causing you to turn pink at the neck. Thankfully, you had left a sweatshirt thrown over the couch. Snatching up the thick fleece garment, you tugged it over your head and led Kylo to the kitchen.

Kylo followed with heavy steps, and made himself right at home as he settled on a stool pulled up against a bar area facing the kitchen. Two mugs were pulled from a cabinet and quickly filled with steaming hot water. The liquid reminded you of the bath now gone to waste, but one look at the handsome man gazing at you made it all worth it.

A mug of chamomile was slid across the marble top and into Kylo’s hands before you joined him on the stool to his left.

“Sorry again about the music,” you muttered.

Kylo ran a hand through his hair, dark locks falling like Fall leaves. “It’s fine. It was an accident. So...you’re a house-sitter?”

You laughed, “Unofficially. I just moved to town, and I don’t have a place yet. Poe’s an old friend from college, and he just started some sort of travel show that’s gonna keep him busy for at least four months. I get to stay for free, and he doesn’t have to worry about his house going to shit.”

Kylo nodded, not surprised that the dashing pilot somehow landed himself a deal to host a travel show. He also came from money and had already made a name for himself jet-setting around the globe piloting his own private jet.

You gave him a cute little head tilt and asked, “And what about you? What’s your story?”

For the first time since he left the First Order, Kylo felt embarrassed. Deciding to fall back on vagueness he replied, “Ah, early retirement.” Women liked mysterious men, right?

He was surprised as you let out a low whistle. “Retiring in a place like this? You must’ve had one hell of a job to retire from.” You blew the steam away from your mug and took a long sip.

Kylo frowned and folded his arms across the tabletop. “And what about you? It’s a Wednesday and you’re blaring Taylor Swift near midnight.” You knew that he wasn’t being defensive, despite a slight accusatory tinge to his voice.

You turned to face Kylo, propping your head up on an elbow. There was something gravitational in your exchange, and your bodies had slowly inched closer and closer as you talked. By now, your knees were lightly touching, and you found yourself feeling electricity at the subtle touch.

He laughed as you playfully jabbed a finger in his chest. “I’ll have you know that I do, in fact, have a job! Have you ever heard of Hanna Hut?”

Something about you riled Kylo up, and he felt more alive than he had in the past month. Some teenaged boy part of his brain refused to admit that he had no idea what Hanna Hut was, hoping to impress the pretty girl sitting next to him. Instead, he rolled his eyes and scoffed, “Of course I have. And what’s it to you?”

His resolve slowly dissolved as a silent minute ticked by. He groaned as you finally broke the silence with a loud laugh. “A grouch who can see into the future. Amazing!” Kylo furrowed his brow, and bit back, “What are you talking about?”

“Hanna Hut doesn’t exist. At least not yet.”

Kylo furrowed his brow and pinked in embarrassment at being caught. You patted his thigh, ignoring how muscled it felt underneath your touch. His bare skin was warm and deliciously corded and taut. He stuttered out a non-reply, only earning a louder guffaw from you.

“Don’t worry. It will exist. Hopefully very soon! I’m opening my very own coffeeshop-slash-bookstore combo right here in town!” You couldn’t help but gush in excitement at your very new business venture.

It had taken years of careful planning and budgeting. Years of forgoing mimosas with the girls and squirreling away every dime. Literally. Years of accepting overtime, and years of enduring doubt from friends and family alike.

No more though. You had finally gathered together enough money to launch your dream business. The moment your bank account looked healthy enough, you threw up digits and peaced out of your tiny good-for-nothing town.

Finally, after years of grit and sweat, things seemed to be looking up. With free lodging for the next few months, you didn’t even have to stress about finding an apartment. Your deal with Poe worked out perfectly so that you could spend all of your time and energy looking for the perfect space to launch Hanna Hut.

Your excitement was infectious, as Kylo couldn’t help but flash a wide smile matching the one on your face. “And where can I visit this newfound ‘coffee-slash-bookstore’ venture of yours?” he asked, genuinely curious and interested in the concept.

“Well...I’m still looking for the perfect storefront. I think I might have found it, though! In fact, I’m meeting with the landlord tomorrow afternoon.” You quickly pulled out your cellphone to show him the airy space located in Greenwich Village. It was beautiful, but pricey. Still, you convinced yourself that the price tag would be worth it.

Kylo quietly listened as you continued to babble and swipe through photos.

“It’s a little expensive, but I think it’ll be worth it! The landlord said that if I signed a ten year lease, he’d cut me a deal on rent. I think that should help, especially since there are so many fees and he needs three months rent up front...”

The more you prattled, the more agitated Kylo became. A ten year lease? As cute as you were, cuteness didn’t necessarily equate to business acumen. He found your naiveté equal parts adorable and concerning. Although you were a stranger, he didn’t want to watch yet another out of towner get swindled and eaten up by the city.

He cleared his throat, and interrupted, “Ah, if you want, I could come with you to negotiate tomorrow. I hope I’m not overstepping, but I am a lawyer...”

You perked up and replied, “That would be amazing! But I don’t know if I could pay you. Judging by the fact that you live here, I don’t think I could afford your rates...”

“Ah, well I am retired so it’s not like I’ve got much going on for me. How about you buy me a coffee and we’ll call it even?”

He flinched in surprise when you practically leapt out of your seat. Clasping his hands in your own, you gushed, “Deal! Thank you so much, Kylo!” Kylo looked down at where your hands joined, marveling at how much smaller you were compared to him. Mustering up as much courage possible, he nodded and flashed you a smile.

Just like that, Kylo found himself looking forward to something for the first time in years.

[rueur]

Morning Pages #24 (01.02.2017)

Wednesday 1st Feb - 11:40 a.m.

I realise that I only have under a month of being a teenager left, and I don’t like it, I really don’t. I want to be nineteen forever! I do not want to be a twenty-something, I do not want that burden of being socially accepted as ‘lost’ or ‘figuring it out’, I just want to be youthful and have unexercised potential for the rest of my life and not feel guilty about having unexercised potential because I’m too damn youthful to really exercise it anyway and thus, will never be considered a failure for possessing an unexercised potential! Furthermore, I’ve just been through a break-up, like a real break-up resulting from a genuine relationship, a relationship that I thought would be lasting forever. And I’m only nineteen. I just don’t know if or when that will happen to me again, and the next time it does I’ll be much older, maybe twenty-two or twenty-three. And I don’t want to be single then. In fact, I don’t really want to be single now. I hate it, actually. Like one weekend out clubbing was fun. I kissed a guy I was really into, that was fun. But the chase has already tired me and I am the girl! I do zero chasing! I just have to sit in my home by the phone and grow tense and anxious, that’s MY job.

I just love being in a relationship. I love supporting another person, and growing them, having that mutual trust, that PARTNERSHIP. I love that and have absolutely no problem dedicating myself to somebody I know will dedicate themselves to me. It wasn’t right with Ikaros, that’s fine, and I feel like I’ve learnt how to judge a lot more quickly whether or not it’s right with somebody. I’m seeing Evan this weekend, I think. Hopefully, I don’t know. We haven’t spoken much since we last caught up, almost two weeks ago now. I’m afraid he won’t want to see me again, because of Ikaros’ web presence on my Facebook profile. But I mean, I’d answer any questions he has for me. I have no issue with being honest with Evan in regards to my past relationship. It’s fairly simple to explain if he gave me the chance to.

I saw Nick yesterday, but that was my own fault. I sent him a message that I’d be at Lentils yesterday in preparation for the off chance that I just turn up and he’s working there and feels like I’d forgotten about him or something. I’m too nice, that’s what it is. And I know I am, and I think he knows I am too. I didn’t kiss him yesterday though, which was a step up. I held his hand though, because he asked for it, and I wanted to make him feel okay. I did kiss somebody on the cheek yesterday though, a very handsome somebody too: the acoustic guitarist and singer for Rhiannon’s band, Sam. He’s gorgeous, I will just say that now. He was tan, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, with a robust and muscular build, basically looked like he was born to play music. He looked very much in his element. He was also very much the kind of guy I usually go for: driven and passionate, boyishly charming, yet surprisingly intense and sure of himself. I don’t know, this is starting to sound like bullshit. It doesn’t matter anyway. I feel like he flirted with me a little yesterday but he might’ve just been being polite because he told me to look him up on Facebook and I did, and he has a girlfriend as of the 31st of December, but he was in a photo with this girl in May of last year, so it seems like it’s pretty serious. Like Ikaros and I, they seemed to have just made it Facebook official rather later on in the relationship.

Anyway, they killed their set. I sat at a table with Nick and had some dinner whilst we watched them play, then Nick and I went for a walk. When we came back, the band had finished up and we sat with them as they had their dinner. After they were done, everybody got dessert: chocolate brownie. Lentils does a fantastic chocolate brownie. A lot of people were eating the curry of the day, but I had this Cajun tofu steak with polenta. Bless Lentil As Anything, honestly. Good food and kind souls. I showed Nick the Abbotsford Convent laundry rooms too, which he hadn’t seen before. I only knew about them because of Lucas, too, so I’m glad I get to share that find around with others now. Ikaros is calling me, so I need to take a break from typing for a bit. He called me while he was taking a bit of a break from work, letting me know that a bunch of new residents have arrived and they’ve immediately proceeded to have major accidents in their sleep, vomit all over the dining room, and basically stress him and all of his coworkers out to an immense degree.

Thathi came into my room during the phone call to ask me about typing up an email for him. He was talking about doing it last night, around 11 p.m., but we both agreed it was too late so I’ll have to do that right after I finish these pages, I guess. Evan followed me on Instagram, I just noticed. He might’ve done it out of courtesy, because I followed him back. Instagram has these notifications where they let you know if any of your Facebook friends are on Instagram one at a time, so over time you end up finding all these people. Instagram sends both of you the notification at the same time, and I received it two days ago. He only started following me 7 hours ago, when he woke up to go to work, but from what I’ve noticed, he doesn’t use social media that much anyway. He seems very busy in the real world, very present. Maybe that’s because he has to be, for his job, or it might just be the way he prefers things. Anyway, I hope he gets back to me today. I really want to talk to him. I really miss him. I was so excited about our first date, and now we’re going to be going on our second. And I’ll be in Northcote this weekend again too. I don’t know what that means, but I’m still excited about it. I don’t know. I think about Evan and it just makes me hopeful.

Ikaros has also been pretty keen lately for me to stay over at his, to spend the night with him. I was supposed to do it on Sunday, but I didn’t because I thought it would be weird for my parents that I was spending the night somewhere else after only just moving back home. Ikaros understood that. Even so, for the past couple of days, he’s kind of been pushing the idea of me staying over a bit. I went to see him briefly yesterday to get my sunglasses back, and I gave him a tub of parippu just because I know he hasn’t been eating as much as he needs to be since he started working out a lot harder. When I was on my way home from Lentils, he sent me a message saying that he ‘wasn’t going to lie’ but he was kind of hoping I’d come over and see him on my way home, even though it wouldn’t really be possible, because it’s entirely out of my way (because the 901 wouldn’t be running or if it were, it would be running infrequently, AND it would be super terrifying driving through Nillumbik Shire in the pitch black night on a public bus on my own). When he was on the phone with me again, he recognised that I went to bed really really late last night (3 a.m.) and I told him that I believe losing the routine of feeding the cats every day and having to be up early for them has just let me lose my sleep cycle. It has been really bad lately, I’ve been waking up at 10 or 11 a.m., and I’ve been eating around midnight. It’s very unhealthy and I’m trying very hard to stop. Ikaros proposed that I stay at his if I need a good night’s sleep, because historically I sleep really easily with him. We both just tend to nod off around 11 or 12 and wake up naturally to the morning sun at around 8, because his bed is right next to his window, which also happens to be north or north-east facing. I think I really need to go to the bathroom, right now. I really don’t want to take another break from typing though, because I know I’ll need to go downstairs immediately after this and help my dad. I don’t know if I’ll be able to get these pages done in one go today. I’m still making good time, however, considering I started at 11:40 a.m. and it’s now 12:27 p.m., so I’ve only really been typing for under an hour and I’ve already got two and a half pages out. I think I can power through.

Jasper and I were downstairs at one point last night, and he was sleeping on my sister’s blankets, which she kindly left in a heap on the couch before she jetted off to New Zealand. Oh yeah, she’s in New Zealand now, I forgot to mention, with Piumi and Jay. It was organised over last year, but the physical preparation happened very briskly. Their flight was at midnight yesterday. It is very odd to me that she’s crashing Piumi and Jay’s holiday, being their third wheel, rather than invite Anthony along and turn it into a double-date holiday kind of thing. To each their own though, and my sister’s always had this weird independence within their relationship. They do act in love occasionally, but most of the time the both act like they don’t need to be with each other at all. Ikaros and I were always the opposite (crazy passionate all the time) and thus, collectively never understood Sandy and Anthony.

Anyway, Jasper and I were downstairs and I was paying little attention to Mad Men, because Jasper was snuggling up next to me. At one point he stretched and started trying to knead my face. He was being very affectionate, and I felt very close to him in that moment, but also aware that he’d realised I had left. I didn’t know if he’d registered that I had gone when I was housesitting for Emily during the entire month of January, but the way he was acting with me last night made it clear that he had realised I’d left and also that he’d missed me. It was really touching, and made me realise I had missed him too. It was easy to ignore my own cat when I was dealing with both Bruno and Romy, and even though I do miss Bruno and Romy now (I mean they were my closest friends for a MONTH), I do not miss them at the same level I missed Jasper. Jasper is most definitely the sweetest cat I’ve ever had. Gentle and docile and understanding, he’s just so much more grown up than Romy (despite Romy being two years older), and so much more hardy than Bruno. Jasper is like the perfect cat. And I have missed him! And I know I will miss him again when I’m right back in Northcote this weekend.