#but they're cartoon aliens so who gives a fart

[mango-mya]

I was wondering if you make a shipchild design for the elora and peepers shipchild? And curious to know how it turns out or would look like. And who would/which one take after their parents..

I can't really ever picture them having kids, but..... IF THEY WERE TO.......

TEEHEE this is Victoria :33 She's a flashlight fish!!! She's probably a little spoiled, but smart and charming nonetheless!!!

Siggghhhhh chat I'm sorry is this the end for me

[adamwatchesmovies]

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)

No adult who didn’t grow up watching the 1987 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles animated series has any business watching the 1990 live-action film. While the animatronics and costumes bringing the reptilian heroes to life are impressive, the humor is juvenile, characters thin and the dialogue bad. These facts didn’t matter to the film’s intended audience. The beloved pizza-eating shadow warriors appearing on the big screen was enough and everyone knew it. The poster’s tagline of “Hey dudes this is NO cartoon” made it abundantly clear. It’ll continue to engage young viewers even today but children of the ‘80s who revisit it will be disappointed unless they're wearing thick rose-tinted glasses.

Mutated by radioactive ooze, raised in the sewers of New York by a rat who knows Kung Fu and obsessed with pizza, Michelangelo (Robbie Rist), Raphael (Josh Pais), Donatello (Corey Feldman) and Leonardo (Brian Tochi) are unlikely heroes. When the Foot Clan, a criminal organization of ninjas led by the mysterious “Shredder” (James Saito), begins recruiting the youth of NYC, the turtles team up with news reporter April O’Neal (Judith Hoag) and vigilante Cassie Jones (Elias Koteas) to take them down.

You’d never guess Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was made for a mere $13.5 million. Even when you consider the inflation, this is a good-looking movie. Our crazy-looking heroes interact with each other and with people, speak, eat, fight, ride skateboards, and so on. The lip-synch may be slightly off here and there but the illusion is convincing.

I can also praise the film for staying true to itself. The source material is a tough pill to swallow but the screenplay by Todd W. Langen and Bobby Herbeck doesn’t try to make the concept more digestible by making the turtles aliens or making their sensei/father into a man that was transformed into a rat-like creature. They’re 15-year-old shell warriors who love pizza and speak like surfer dudes. If you don’t buy that, the movie doesn’t want anything to do with you. It’s going to keep moving along those lines and doesn’t want to waste time dealing with semantics.

I suppose I can give a thumbs up to some of the film’s humorours sequences. They are genuinely funny about half the time and even when the gags are bad, they never go for fart jokes or other low-hanging fruit. Beyond this, I wish I had more nice things to say. This movie tries to do too much. It’s introducing the four protagonists, plus April, Cassie Jones, Shredder, Splinter, April’s boss and his troubled son, all on top of the characters’ origin and the actual plot. As a result, we hardly get to know the mutant heroes. They're virtually indistinguishable from each other except maybe Raphael, who has anger issues. Shredder is just as bad. We know nothing about him except that he’s evil and needs to be defeated.

Unless you already love the turtles and are overjoyed seeing them beat up an endless number of incompetent foot soldiers, the plot doesn’t offer much at all. It might be more “grown up” by daring to have a few of its characters curse (that surely rattled some cages back in the day) but the story has no depth. The dialogue is filled with groan-worthy one-liners, which to me makes the warriors believable as cartoon versions of teenagers. As a kid, I might’ve idolized these “grown up” turtles. Today, I find them mostly annoying. That goes double for the rap that introduces the end credits.

I choose to call Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles a good movie because it accomplishes its objectives. This is an unpretentious action comedy that wants nothing to do with the non-fans of the turtles. Everyone was into this franchise at the time and it continues to draw an audience. Kids will laugh at the turtles’ antics, be shocked when they get hurt, and cheer when the bad guys get what’s coming to them. It’s not for me and probably not for anyone reading this but I can see the appeal. (November 6, 2020)