#but this COULD have been properly treated as a tragedy of not properly dealing w/ these situations

[maskedblackfox]

Thantophobia

Title: Thantophobia

Pairing:TogaFuka

Series: Dangan Ronpa (Main AU)

Characters: Toko Fukawa, Byakuya Togami, and a few others

Wordcount: 4,505

Warning:This is based on an AU, This is a TogaFuka fic, Pregnancy and child death warning (I mean, you don’t see the death, but-) This gets really depressing.

Author’s note: I started this September 14th 2016, it took me this long to finish. This is currently my longest fic.

Summary: I single-handedly ruin Fukawa’s life.

(Thantophobia: (n.) The fear of losing someone you love…)

(If there are any grammatical errors, I apologize)

April 30th-

“What?!” “I told you!” Fukawa yells, tears forming in her eyes. She knew that this subject was hard for the individual in front of her to grasp. She looks him dead in the eyes and howls out, “I’m pregnant, okay?!” The repeated sentence caused the man step back. He couldn’t process what she had said, at least, he couldn’t react to such news properly. His throat constricted on him, she could tell. “I’m sorry, Future Foundation building, not even for a day. It was safer to say it here. “I’m s-sorry..” She whimpered again, her arms drawn close to her chest, in her defensive self-hug, her eyes fixed on the floor in front of her. Togami finally came back to his senses, “How long has it been?” The recipient tightened her grip on her arms. “A-almost f-five months..” “How long have you known?” the grip tightened again. “About two and a-a half.”  

For a pretty much the rest of the day, neither of them could speak, at least not to each other. Fukawa was afraid that he would hate her, he was afraid for her safety.

The two decided to meet up that night for a conversation in the main living area, namely, about their future. The time came, and Fukawa didn’t show up. Odd.  Oh well, Togami would just have to find her himself. How hard could that be?

Quite hard, apparently.

He had eventually found her in her room, under the blankets, crying.  He paced up to her, placing a hand on her trembling form. “Why are you crying?” She didn’t answer. “Is something actually bothering you, or is it something else? I can’t know unless you tell me. Please Fukawa.” The crying softened a bit, allowing words to emerge. “I-I know this isn’t what you-u w-wanted… I’m sorry..” His eyebrow rose a bit, “Why should you be sorry? I agreed to the conditions that can lead to a child, it would be considered foolish that I didn’t expect this to be an outcome.” The crying stopped. Fukawa slipped the blankets off her head, her eyes shone with tears, a scowl on her face. “I thought y-you hated the t-thought of having children!” Well, that was fast. Togami was taken aback by the sudden hostility. Was this mood swings, or her usual distrusting attitude? Who cares? He just had to calm her down.

“I, I guess I just wasn’t used to the idea. I-I mean, I guess, considering I don’t have to carry them, it won’t freak me out as much.” She responded with a glare. “That’s so encouraging.” Ok, it wasn’t mood swings. “Hey! I just said I’m ok with this!” he snapped, causing her to jolt up a bit. Her face changed to confused. “You’re, ok with the whole, you know, ‘me mothering your kid’ thing?” Togami let out a deep sigh. “I suppose so. Besides, I’ve had all day now to kind of accept our fate.” He sat down on the bed. “How about this; Just to make things easier for you, how about I stay here, in your room?” Fukawa moved most of the blankets off of her, her face still looked confused, but her eyes looked hopeful. “Y-you mean, for the night, or..” “If you want, I was thinking about moving in here with you.” Her face lit up. “Really?!” her voice squeaked with excitement. “Only if you want me to.” There was a pause. “W-why should it be on m-me?” “Well, you’re the mother, and it’s your mental health that’s at stake, so I figured you should call the shots here.” Fukawa loosened her shoulders, she appeared to be calm, even if she did tremble a bit. “A-alright, you can live here with me. H-however, if you get sick of me y-you can leave whenever you want.” Sounded like a fair deal.

“Alright.” Togami grinned as he held a hand out to her, she took it in a mediocre handshake. He looked down quickly, catching a glimpse of her rounded form, somehow he didn’t notice it before. Their child was in there. He let out another sigh. This was going to be an interesting experience.

June 17th-

Fukawa was sitting at the desk in her living quarters, a few half-blank pages were stacked  evenly off to the side. She sat there, stressed out. Her fingers digging into her long, dark, frizzy hair. She had spent the last hour trying to get herself back into writing, but to no success. Suddenly she perked up, someone was coming down the hallway with food, she could smell it. As if her nose wasn’t good enough as it was, her pregnancy increased her sense of smell a bit too much.  The mystery person passed by her door, and continued walking. Dammit.

 A few moments later, there was a knock at her door. It wasn’t the person with the food, but at least this person could help her with ideas. “Come in!” The door opened, and in stepped Togami, closing it behind him. “Get anything yet?” Fukawa slumped her shoulders with her response, “No. Things just aren’t coming to me like they used to.” Togami walked over to her, a content grin on his face. “Maybe it’s because you’re so busy with other things, you can’t focus much on this.” She looked up at him, “What do you mean, busy?” He shrugged, “I mean, there’s The Tragedy, the fact that Munakata won’t make you an official member of Future Foundation, the fact that your body’s literally creating another human right now. There’s a few examples for you, I’m afraid.”  She scowled, her jagged teeth exposed behind her lip. “Fine, I guess I am busy. It’s just… I can’t go on missions with anyone, I’m not even allowed to leave the building.” She lowered her eyes to her desk. “I just want to find a way to pass the time.”

Togami raised a hand to his chin, leaving it the for a bit, then placing it on his partner’s shoulder. “Maybe you need to have some time to relax while you think of ideas.” She put her hand on his, “I suppose. But, I-I’m not very good at relaxing anymore, I’m afraid.” She stood up “Do you have any ideas?”

“Could you stop that?” Fukawa started laughing. It was late at night, about eleven-thirty to midnight. Togami accidently got himself a little drunk when Juzo Sakakura offered him a few too many shots. Now he was nuzzling her like he was a cat, before resting his head on her stomach, alternating between talking to Fukawa, and her stomach. And his words sounded like he just woke up, and well, like he was drunk. “Hey, sweetie. Any idea what you’re gonna call this kid?” She figured he wouldn’t remember anything that would happen tonight, but answered anyway. “Well, I managed to think of  two; Miyuki and Kenji.”  “Those sound wonderful! I bet they’ll like those na-” The baby moved, getting their father in the cheek. The drunken Togami wasn’t pleased with that. “Hey,  you watch your attitude you little bastard. I am your Byakuya Togami, and also your father, and you will treat me with respe-” They moved again. “That’s it, your grounded.” “B-Byakuya” The mother could barely speak through her laughter. “Byakuya, they won’t even be born for another four months or so.” Togami shifted his head to look at her. “Well that’s tough luck, luck for them, because I’m grounding them.” He raised a hand in the air, “As my fist act as a dad, I ground my kid for hitting me, twice.” He lowered his arm. Fukawa giggled as she placed a hand on his head, stroking his hair. “Maybe we should wait a while before grounding them?” The drunk man pouted in response. “Fine.” He poked her stomach in a somewhat disgruntled fashion. “You hear that? You’re getting off easy. Not next time. Next time I’ll really ground you.”

For the rest of the night, things were somewhat joyful between these two, despite one being drunk, the two hoped things could stay that way.

 July 25th-

Fukawa lay in bed with a nagging thought. She wanted to go for a walk. It didn’t help that it was late, and the Future Foundation forbid anyone from leaving, for their own safety. But she wanted to go out. Well, Togami was asleep, he couldn’t stop her. She lifted herself up, managing to somehow get herself out of bed without any help. Step one was complete. Now she had to get out. Their room was on ground level, she just had to sneak out the window. She put on her shoes on, with some difficulty. Of course. And proceeded toward one of the windows, making sure that she wouldn’t wake her partner up. Thank god Togami’s usually a heavy sleeper. Using a good deal of her strength, she managed to get the window open, letting a cool breeze into the room. Fukawa looked back. He was still asleep. With that confirmation, she slipped outside.

 It was an abnormally clear night, stars were faintly visible past thin, reddish clouds, a nice, cool breeze, perfect for a walk. Munakata was going to be so mad if he found out that one of the ‘weakest inhabitants there’ snuck out for a couple hours. Roughly twenty minutes passed, when a faint sound was heard in the distance. And of course she went toward it.

There was a group of people having a stand-off. All of them with firearms. And one just happened to notice a strange woman in a nightgown roughly fifteen feet away. Her throat prickled. First it was one, then they all noticed. The needles in her throat made it hard to breathe. One fired. Missed, thank god. But it was enough for her adrenaline to kick in. She ran, some pursued. Oh god did she run. Even with part of her body weighing her down, she did not stop. One man fired, nearly hit her shoulder, her foot caught on a piece of scrap metal, she lurched forward. Instinctively, she wrapped her arms around her stomach, as she hit the ground.

She lay on her side. Refusing to move. The pursuers stopped running, they assumed that they had killed her, and eventually left. Upon hearing the vanishing of footsteps, Fukawa tightened the grip on herself, relieved. “Ich hab ‘dich.” She whispered to herself continuously, a faint stirring inside her caught her attention. A sigh of relief exits her lungs. “I’ve got you.”

 September 2nd-

“What?” “I told you.” Fukawa looked up at her partner as he repeated himself. “Genna and I are assigned to head to Towa City tomorrow, to retrieve the missing persons held captive over there, as well as the last two member of Despair.” Togami watched the once-slender young lady’s expression change from confused, to determined. “I’m going with you.” Why did this surprise him? “You can’t. You’re not allowed.” He watched saw the frustration form on her face, “Why not?” “Have you forgotten?” sarcasm dripped from his words as he tapped a finger on her side “It’s near impossible to miss at this point.” Fukawa scoffed at his remarks, “Like that’s going to stop me from going.” “Not unless you sneak into the helicopter with us.”

*The following day~*

Well, stowing away in the helicopter was a lot easier in Fukawa’s head. It’s not like there was something limiting her from bending forward, oh wait, there was. At least no one knew she was there. Of course, getting out of her position was harder than getting in. She didn’t have to worry about someone hearing her while she was sneaking in. Well, everyone else had exited the helicopter, she might as well follow. She wrapped her shawl tighter around herself as she exited. Genna noticed her first, of course. “Toko?! What are you doing here?!” “Same reason as you.” Was the reply. With that at least half of the employees present attempted to keep Fukawa from progressing. Somehow, none of them were successful. “I’m going with you. Whether you like it, or not.” Roughly an hour of debating passed, before the employees reluctantly let Fukawa go with them. Into the city. Right into a riot.

 September 24th-

She was lying on a hospital bed, breathing heavily, an acidic feeling in her torso. A strange relief flowed through her chest, whatever hell just happened was over, but her form was still sore from it all. Oh well. She forced herself to sit up, her arms shaking in the process. A doctor walked over to her, a concerned look on their face. “W-well, how?.. Where are they?” Fukawa’s voice shook as she asked, hoping for the best. The doctor’s gaze shifted, “Well, we feel that it’s best if you didn’t see.” “What?” urgency lined the young woman’s voice, “Is there something wrong with them?!” “Not how you would expect it to be” the doctor’s voice was also lined with such urgency. Fukawa started to shift her position “Let me see.” “Miss, I believe it’s in our best interest-“ “Let me see!” with that, she forced herself out of the bed, staggering over to the doctor, no sign of giving up until she got her answer.”TELL ME! Tell me why I can’t see my own-“ “Miss, your son is dead!” That was it. Those words broke into Fukawa’s heart more than anything Junko could have ever said. “What?...” The doctor shook their head in response, “He seems to have suffered from a head injury in development.” The news turned the young mother’s eyes dark, tears beginning to form. She sank to the floor. Everything went numb. That was it. Her son was dead. “Get my sister, she’s in the waiting area…” her voice was dull, and broken. The doctor nodded and left. For a few moments, Fukawa was left alone with her thoughts. ‘He’s gone. What was the injury? Oh yes, a head injury. When? Right, it was in deveopme-‘ It clicked. Head injury in development. When she fell in July. ‘July would be seven months. That’s when his movement stopped. I thought lack of movement was normal? It is, that’s why you didn’t notice.’ The world around her stopped as it all tore at her throat. Her son was dead. And it was her fault.

 December 3rd-

“Hey Fukawa.” A tired girl, around the age of nine poked the cheek of an older lady, who was asleep in the girl’s room, she succeeded in waking the exe novelist. “Mhm…What is it Monaka?” The little girl gently placed one hand on the young woman’s stomach, looking into her eyes. “What are you going to tell Byakuya, about him?” The grey-eyed woman lowered her eyes. She has to tell him, as much as she doesn’t want to. “I, I’ll tell him everything I know. That’s all I can do.” Monaka rolled onto her back, both arms in the air. “Say I was Byakuya, what would you say?” the woman pondered for a moment, “Well, I’d probably start with me telling him that I missed him.” “Yeah. After a big hug, maybe. And some ‘how have you been?’ exchanges. Then what would you do?” Another moment passed. “Well, I’d only tell him if he asked.” “Alright, then say he asked where the baby is, what would you say?” The child’s question was followed by a long pause. “I’d say; There was an incident at the hospital, and that Kenji didn’t…” She stopped. “Okay… Let’s not rehearse that question.”  Monaka stated. “You can save that for when this despair fest ends, and we let him free.” Fukawa could only smile at this child’s surprising amount of optimism about the situation. “All right, I’ll tell him then.”

 December 12th-

Fukawa and Togami reunited with could be called ‘and awkward hug’. They kind of stood there for a minute, before Togami gave an ‘ok’ for physical affection. Eventually, they were embracing each other, catching up on what the other one missed. All was going well, until Togami gently touched his partner’s stomach and asked, “How’s the…”

At that moment, something broke inside of her, all of the emotions she kept bottled inside for the last three months couldn’t be contained anymore. She began to cry. Togami held her, shocked, and confused. “What’s wrong? What happened? Toko!” She couldn’t reply very well, anything she tried to say, came out almost inaudible, and untranslatable. Until two words were identified, “Kenji….Gone….” The man’s eyes widened, “Kenji?” Urgency lined that word as he frantically asked again. “What happened to him?! What do you mean he’s gone?! I need to know!” The shuddering, dark-haired figure tried her words again, but slower, “S-something h-h-happened at the hospital, the d-doctor said h-he had a skull injury, h-he wasn’t fully devel,oped. I-I-I was the o-o-ne who gave h-him..” She suppressed her tears just long enough to shorten her story, “Kenji’s gone. I killed him by accident.” She felt Togami tighten his grip on her, his head on her shoulder. “I’m sorry…” she whimpered as she began to hear his breath quicken, and then a strange sound emanated from.. was he crying? She quickly pulled him closer. He was crying. “I-it’s alright! H-he didn’t feel anything! He’s okay! He’s safe! Don’t worry, Byakuya!” “It’s not alright! He was my son, too…” They stayed like this for a while, until Togami broke the silence. “Did you get to see him? Hold him?” “Yes.” “What did he look like?” She could only answer truthfully.

“He looked like you.”  

 September 21st-

Byakuya Togami was back in Towa City.

It was almost depressing seeing this place again. Oh well, it’s not like he was going to end up prisoner again. He was just sent on a simple in-and-out mission. Along with Asahina, Naegi, Munakata, and Chisa.  Great.

The five passed through the ruined city with little error, with only a few small group mobs of adults left. The sun shone on broken glass, whether it was it was still attached to the ragged buildings, or scattered on the ground, sometimes stained with the pink of blood, both fresh and dried. “How did you survive this place?” Chisa piped up. “Togami-kun said he was imprisoned. So he probably was kept somewhere safer than the streets.” Came the reply from Asahina. The former scion didn’t answer. Asahina was right, but he didn’t feel like talking to anyone right now. They had somewhere to go.

 Some time passed, until Naegi stopped, quickly pointing to a figure a distance away, catching the attention of the other four. The figure was a teenager. Shoulder-length dark brown hair, tanned skin, wearing a blue sweater with a pair of shorts. Suddenly the figure bolted away, with Asahina quickly in pursuit, leaving the others deciding to chase after the two.

A few moments passed as the group reached a slightly run-down building, with a group of children and adults interacting out front. Quickly they noticed Asahina with the figure in a headlock, playfully rustling their hair. They would later learn that the figure is her little brother Yuta, on lookout for the Future Foundation to arrive and retrieve them.

A ruckus started, full of friendly greetings, and playful forms of affection. Togami decided to hang back, away from the crowd. That wasn’t his style.  “Togami?” came a semi-familiar voice. There, sitting apart from the crowd was Monaka, looking at him with those wide, surprisingly hopeful-looking eyes as she wheeled her way over to him. “It’s been a while, Monaka.” “Yeah, Fukawa really missed you.” “Has she?” the girl lowered her gaze from his face to her shoes. “She’s lost her motivation to do almost everything again.” She then looked back up. “I bet seeing you again will cheer her up!” An amused grin crossed the man’s face. “Really?” The child quickly nodded, and began to point at the building. “She’s probably still asleep on the couch.”

There she was, fast asleep on a couch in the building’s living quarters, her back facing him. Her long, long, dark hair had spilled off of the couch onto the floor. He paced over to her, placing a slender hand on her thin, almost boney shoulder, giving it a quick shake.

“Mmmph…” came a disgruntled huff from the sleeping woman. Togami shook her again, but a little stronger.  “Gott verdammt. I swear Monaka, let me slee-!” She was now looking at the figure standing over her, someone she thought she’d never see again. “M-meine Geliebte..” Togami raised an eyebrow with a smirk, “Meine what?” Fukawa sat up, her shoulders raised in an almost defensive position. “G-Geliebte. You know… Amour, gaol, mohabbat, dragoste,-“ “Love?” his smirk was gone. She looked at him worried that she said something wrong. “Y-yes.” The man held his hand out, a bit of his smile came back. “You know you could have just left it in French, I’m not that good at understanding basically every other language you just said.” “The others were French, Gaelic, Hindi, and Romanian.” She took his hand, stood up, and quickly leapt at him, her arms around his neck. “I-i-it’s good t-to see you again, S-Schönheit.“ Togami didn’t really do a good job a reapproching the hug, but he hoped a gentle pat on the head could do it justice. „It’s good to see you again, too.“  

„Let’s go home.“

  September 24th-

Today would have been Kenji’s first birthday.