#but this specific coworker - he's full on the bullshit about masculinity

[kifu]

One of my most self-deprecating coworkers has caught on to the fact that I care more about him than he cares for himself. He hasn't connected all the dots yet. I guess I need to be louder about how being nice to yourself improves your life more than you can believe - even though I've been quite clear about that. I shoot down self-depricating comments EVERY time.

[fotiathymos]

do you have trans hcs for any other characters in promare? :0

I do! under cut cause im a TALKER whoops.

uhhh trigger warning that i do talk a bit about transphobia and unsupportive family.

I realize in my last post I didn’t mention it but Gueira and Meis aren’t cis! 

Gueira was born intersex and doesn’t agree to calling himself cis or trans. He is proud to be intersex. (do know this is a fictional character and not all real life people who are intersex agree or disagree with calling themselves cis or trans.)

Gueira uses he/him pronouns but doesn’t strictly dress masculine. Really just a comfy clothes wearer. 

Meis is trans genderfluid. Mostly uses they/them pronouns and has girl days or boy days sometimes where they can be more okay with she/her or he/him. Just leans into a mix usually. Actually doesn’t like being called Gueira’s boyfriend and rather ‘partner’. Gueira says it like a cowboy usually to make Meis giggle.

I do enjoy Ignis being an trans elder. (He is like 55 in my mind not 40 as i think canon states?) Ignis knew Galo was trans upon entering the job but of course did not out Galo to everyone. Galo isn’t secretive about being trans though. When Galo finds out Ignis is trans he cries happy tears and hugs him, making Ignis just a lil uncomfortable but not rejecting the hug.. hes got a reputation Galo.

I always had it in my head that Galo joined Burning Rescue and challenged all their thoughts on gender and etc. Considering they all grew up in a strict propaganda filled city some of them mightve just heard of terms but not thought about it too hard for..reasons. But then Galo comes into the work place being the ‘queer kid’ and wouldn’t take any bullshit. He grew up mostly by themself, discovered things on his own and does still feel that outward pressure to conform (esp with Kray, Galo is the most ‘passing as cis’ as he can be around Kray most times). So I thought mostly about everyone in BR were cis, not all of them straight but cis...bbuuutttt

Galo makes everyone question their thoughts on gender cause Galo is so open about his own and loves helping others. Galo does ‘mask’ themself sometimes and at first joining didn’t go full blown open. But one day Lucia needs a tampon and Galo had one in his bag and Lucia is like ‘um what?’ Galo goes casual and just ‘oh yeah.. i don’t need them anymore but its become habit to carry it around yaknow and you never know when it could come in handy!’

Lucia is the first to question if its okay to be non-binary lesbian, like maybe shes not entirely strictly ‘girl’. She’s loud and proud about being gay, lesbian flag above her desk, talks bout going to lesbian bars and wanting to just hold a girls hand. So she’s the first to feel okay enough to question herself gender wise.

Varys is that guy you might know in life who is just chill about everything. Galo comes out to Varys casually one day and Varys doesn’t linger on it at all. “Trans? Hell yeah! We still going out for bbq? Double hell yeah!” But he’s also a guy you never know whats going on in their head. He just remembers weirdly specific things you say sometimes and comes back at you with them later. Galo mentioned briefly that sunflowers remind him of his mother. Varys mails Galo sunflowers when Galo takes the day off on his mothers bday. Varys also randomly texts Galo ‘hey you know how youre trans, can i be like not always a man?’ 

Remi............................reMI UH. Remi is weird in my head. I feel hes that guy who just makes everything into a TMI or sex joke or just awkwardly flirts with everyone he becomes friendly with. Like just pushes the boundaries cause he thinks were friends now i can do this, without realizing hes over stepped them. That guy who thinks just cause your his friend now we can talk about sex casually. Hes quick to apologize when told off but still. I’m horrible I feel like Remi is that guy who’d consider him getting pegged by his girlfriend means he’s in with the lgbt crowd. He’s cis and comfortable with that and is confused by non-binary identities but won’t insult his coworkers and respect them. Eventually he’ll learn that just cause you are over 18 now, not everything in the world is related to sex. Idk if that made sense or if I threw him under the die-cis-scum buss too hard.

AND THEN THERE IS AINA.

Who... I adore. And even my head canons for her contrast and complement Galo like her story/character in the movie. So....shes trans.

We don’t get info about her family life but I’m assuming her sister raised her by herself and the parents weren’t in the picture. Aina came out to her sister right out of high school. Heris was starting college and working to provide for her and Aina. She flipped out on her and her words were ‘i dont care if youre a girl or a boy but those hormones can be pricey we dont have insurance you cant get surgery your too young, etc etc’ Unsupported in misreading the situation as an inconvenience to money and life and not the actuality of Aina just being herself and wanting to be honest about it. 

Aina gets ignored as her sisters career and life revolves around a sudden job with the Foundation. But Heris has money now. And is “supportive” in giving Aina money. Pays for her HRT, doctor visits, therapy, and then eventually training to be in Burning Rescue. And Heris is adamant that Aina never, EVER tells anyone she’s trans. Sweeps up any possible info about that under the rug. Doesn’t want to be looked at with a bad eye from Foresight. What Heris feels is a safety measure for her family is what Aina sees as shame. Kinda reflecting how Heris in the movie sees that shes doing ‘all this for you, Aina’ only for it to be cruel and harmful directly to Aina.

Aina doesn’t know what drew her to Galo. He’s cute and nice and friendly. Maybe it’s a crush? He understands me and no one ever did. He respects me for me. “Youre you Aina and theres nothing wrong with that.” (I forget the exact quote) The words play in her head for the longest time. She never came out to Burning Rescue for fear, cause Heris said not to, cause its ‘inconvenient’. And suddenly Galo is loud and proud about being trans??? Should she be too?? 

Eventually she confides in Galo. Probably after the Parnassus events. She realizes she doesn’t have a crush and was just not use to someone being nice to her and accepting her. She eventually tells the rest of Burning Rescue. Finds out Ignis knew all along due to paperwork but just once again, Captain isn’t gonna out his team member. 

And then finally during a late night movie sleepover. Galo’s like ‘you know we should hang the trans and non binary flag on the front of the station.’ Lucia goes ‘YEAH a big FUCK YOU to the Foundations normies!!!!’ Aina says ‘we should really run that past Captain first...’ Finally Ignis walks in, tilts down his sunglasses and says ‘I planned for this’ and unveils a flag that just says ‘fight the cis-tem’ and Galo and Lucia SCREAM. Only Galo knew Ignis was trans til that point..

I made a STORY damn.

I hope that wasn’t... too much... thank for reading.... ;u;/

[hormonejunglejuice]

I'm bored and feel like rambling about my life rn

I'd like to start out with things are very good right now! School is over and I got all As this semester, so all my panic and stress was worth it, I guess. Shouldn't be placing too much personal value in just my schoolwork, but oh well.

On that topic, this time next year I'll be finished with my bachelor's and, like, I know a lot can change in a year, but holy hell am I not ready for "real" adulthood or whatever the hell people do after college. I may go to grad school still just to 1) delay having to start my life and 2) because only 1 of my friends is on track to graduate next May with me and I know it's silly to stay just to be with friends, but idk I don't wanna like get some outdoor rec job out west or something and fuck off to a place where I know literally no one at all. I guess I want to see where everyone else ends up and if wherever I go is compatible with that. The bottom line is just that I don't want to be alone, which sucks because I know I tend to develop unhealthy attachments to people and it's shitty.

I guess I'll be getting some independence/loneliness lite this summer with my internship, because I'm going 8ish hours from home up to Michigan to work at a summer camp. Luckily I do have some family in Michigan so I'll only be about an hour from a friendly face, but I already cried a healthy amount today about how much I'm gonna miss my bf this summer. I leave in less than 2 weeks for my lifeguarding/adventure course training, then I'll be home for like 3 days and that's it. My last day is the day before the fall semester starts, so my summer will essentially be over, as far as being able to go on dates/see him goes. I know to a lot of people, especially those in long distance relationships 2.5 months doesn't seem like too long of a time to be apart, but we are going from living together to full separation and neither of us are good with sudden change and I'm just gonna end this here cause I'm tearing up jist thinking about it. I'll end with a quick little, "I'm honestly very excited about the camp job, don't get me wrong, but I'm nervous as well".

This job also has been a minor barrier in my ability to start transitioning. Since I accepted the job as a "girl", I'm working with the female campers and it's a Christian camp as well, so I didn't want to rock the boat with any of my bullshit. However, during the interview when talking about proper clothing, specifically swimwear, for councilors the director said one pieces were required for "female presenting councilors" which means perhaps there are other trans people working there or had been in the past. Idk I still haven't physically been to the camp or met anyone in person so I have only that to go off of. I also still have not come out to my parents and I'm under their insurance so that's a whole ordeal. I have no clue how they'll take it for sure, but I have my guesses. My mom will probably be upset, she's made some vaguely transphobic comments before like "I would feel like a failure of a parent if one of you ended up trans" and when I joked with my sister about dating a non-binary person because she's having trouble with both guys and girls my mom said "well where's the fun in that" which, doesn't even make sense??? What is "unfun" about non-binary people??? It just confused me more than anything. I think (read: hope) my dad is accepting of it, considering he's kind of always treated me like a son anyways. The other night he introduced me to some coworkers as "basically a younger version of myself" and that's promising! I honestly can never tell with him because he holds a lot of liberal views as far as like gay rights and racial equality go, but still considers himself conservative?? It's weird and I don't really know where he stands on anything most of the time. Ideally I'd like to come out indirectly, most likely in a letter I send home over the summer I think and just let it go from there I guess. I don't want to do it in conversation because I know I'd chicken out. Assuming they accept me for who I am and all that jazz, ideally I'd be starting T in late August and having top surgery over Christmas break. That would be my goal at least.

On a similar note, I've been questioning my romantic orientation, especially in regards to my gender. My sexuality is definitely still ace, although I currently feel more neutral about sex as opposed to outright negatively about it as I had previously, which is nice, but this isn't about that, I just wanted to put that out here. I've identified as bi for like 7 years now and while I do find girls/feminine alligned people to be attractive, lately I've really thought about it and I don't think I want to have a romantic relationship with them. I think my inital attraction to girls (I'm just gonna use girls from here on out as anyone predominantly feminine-alligned and guys for masculine-alligned for convenience sake) came well before I realized I was not cis and so it was mainly the concept that I had feelings for people who were like me (Side note: the first time I experienced attraction to someone of the "same gender" as me and came to the conclusion I was bi that person later came out as a trans male, so I guess in a way it was still same-sex attraction, just not in a way that I understood at the time). Over time though, I think I've come to realize that my attraction to girls is only aesthetic in nature and not romantic and as a result, I'm just gay. While I still consider myself non-binary as opposed to male, I am masculine-alligned, use male pronouns, and would like to present as male so I feel like gay is the right title for that. idk man gender is funky and I want to be like "the essence of a 90s skater bro" or something akin to that.

All in all, life is good, life is confusing, and life is weird. And I'm gay and in love and that's truly matters :)