#but yeah im going insane over this!!

[chronologically-challenged]

I think that the party's communication issues can be summed up as "man, is it awkward to tell someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with them if you've only know them for a few months? Probably."

[gunsatthaphan]

OTP vibes.

[moonshynecybin]

does vale just have like wildly low emotional intelligence to be this delusional about their fallout (he’s ignoring like. large swaths of context for 2015 i think. like it’s crazy that his and marc’s stories are so wildly mismatched not just in terms of content but also in terms of TIMELINE) or are his unique trauma responses to a tough childhood and fame and competing in god’s most awful death sport just insanely damaging. wait just answered my own question. um.

[a-through-l]

rejoice !! pomni be upon ye !!

[dragonfruitflamb3]

SO!! after procrastinating for WAYYY to long on specifically just the drawing-

It is finished! Love, Death, and Rollerskates: Chapter 1 is now fully read and edited together!!!! It was actually much more fun than I expected, I'm just about as fast as a snail at drawing.

https://youtu.be/T-CsT4pG_jk?si=Z-446KCnJfEDWHSC

Thank you thank you THANK YOU @spadillelicious for letting me do this!! I adore the writing and am definitely going to try and do the second chapter as well

[sn0wp1anets]

lizzie and joel when theyre the original scene girl and mildly emo guy in a hs band

[ontosgold]

I adore sun/moon ryomina dynamic... but specifically how ryoji is the moon to makoto's sun. in the way that the moon is a reflection of the sun's light. without the sun there is so moon, but also the moon brings meaning to the sun's existence...

[ghostingink]

I haven’t like actually finsihed many drawings for a while so here are some sketches again sorry

Also art style change

[haemosexuality]

why are so many adventure time fans just straight up stupid. about how stories work. and i dont even mean kids i mean like adult fans just with the absolutely dumbest takes

[astranauticus]

this isnt the kind of stuff i'd usually post but im fuckin losing my mind. ive been watching through the bilibili livestream vods of like this arknights lore creator reading through and commentating on like the game stories and right now im watching the vod from his main story chapter 11 stream and his reaction to logos' sprite reveal is so fucking funny i had to clip it. man is really having a crisis on stream

[skyphloxx]

ok so um. here is a scenario ive had in the drafts for literally over a month and forgot to post. maybe with a second part idk?

i've been thinking way too damn much about clegan and johns dog coded ass and his feelings around body markings. like, hickeys and bites and bruises etc. bear with me this post got really long lmfao.

fuckin. ok. so in a scenario where john and gale are fucking on the side pretty early on after their arrival at thorpe abbots.

everyone knows bucky is a slut, right? bucky can show up with hickeys and bites and red marks and nobody will question it. he might get jeers or crooked grins, they’ll laugh and say he must’ve slept with every girl on base and half the women in london by now, but it’s expected.

buck, though? everyone knows buck’s got a girl. and maybe he wouldn’t be the first guy to say as much and then fold after months of being away from home. but everybody who knows him knows that buck cleven isn’t like that. and anyway, it would be a little odd considering how consistently he turns down any woman who makes a pass.

you see where i'm going here right.

gale can bite the fuck out of john and leave him with bruises purpling from his neck all the way down to his thighs. when they’re alone together it’s the only time he gets to loosen that iron grip he has on himself, be anything less than carefully composed and controlled. outside gale is the fearless leader, who will sometimes joke and rib but has no vices, no faults. with john he is a hungry, wanting thing, all hands and mouth and teeth.

bucky loves it at first. being desired so much kinda drives him wild, knowing that gale wants him so bad, that there’s so much heat simmering under that cool surface. but there’s also something about the act of leaving marks on him that feels like gale’s staking a claim. that bucky allowing himself to be bitten is showing allegiance, or acquiescence, or maybe ownership. something of gale is left there, written across his skin, even if nobody else knows it. the marks say that gale can do what he wants with john’s body, that john is his. he’s painted his name across john’s neck and chest.

bucky doesn’t object to this feeling. like, at all. on its own, that part is amazing. the problem is he can’t do it back to gale. buck is so paranoid about being found out, and the communal living of the barracks adds extra complications. and john understands his fears, of course he does, he knows damn well what happens to men who get blue tickets, and he’ll respect anything that’ll help buck feel safer about what they’ve been doing. he’s pretty sure he’d do anything to keep buck coming back, he needs him that badly.

he fucking hates that he has to be so careful. he wants nothing more than to give it right back to buck, to bite the same kind of lurid purple bruises across his skin. he thinks all too often of how buck would react, his shiver at the scrape of john's teeth on sensitive skin and the low breathy noises he'd make. hates that he can't have that. but mostly he hates how he can't stake any claim over gale he way he feels that gale has over him. if buck can do what he wants with john's body, if his bites mean that john is his, then the inverse must also be true: bucky can't do the same, and gale is not his. he has no claim to stake.

which makes sense, really. as far as claims go, someone's already beat him to gale. that's the whole reason the no-markings rule was established.*

it ends up serving as a little reminder to bucky: that the arrangement he and gale have worked out to keep each other sane during all this? it's temporary. when the war ends buck will be going back to build a home and share a bed with someone, and that someone won't be john. he can't forget that however much gale seems to want him in the moment, he's committed elsewhere. john is a way for him to distract himself from everything else going on around them. he thinks sometimes gale does it as much to distract john as himself. taking pity on him or something. he knows buck still loves marge more than anything. he uses her letters like a lifeline, sniffs her perfume off the paper like it might send him back to her if he works hard enough at it.

someone with a better sense of self-preservation than bucky might try to break it off, disengage, try to soften the blow when it inevitably comes, but.

the marks also remind him that he is gale's. has been. is. will be. for as long as gale will have him. bucky needs him in a way that he doesn't bother to deny to himself anymore. his chest feels heavy with it when they’re together. he knows they're on borrowed time, but that just means john's going to borrow as much of it as he can. avoiding leaving bruises or not using his teeth is nothing, really, he would do so much less (or so much more) if gale asked him, any number of humiliating, desperate things to keep gale wanting to touch him, fuck him. it's fucking pathetic, how much he needs that. john's own stupid hurt feelings are nothing, compared to how much he'd endure for it.

so of course he never brings this whole dilemma up to buck as something that bothers him. he would not dare risk throwing a wrench in their arrangement, which is perfectly functional as it is. they've made it this far via mostly unspoken agreements, mutual willingness to not talk about it more than they need to. john will not even entertain the possibility of breaking that or scaring gale off or somehow ruining what they have. he is already so well versed at suffering in silence, and really this trade off isn't bad. he used to fucking dream of this, the taste of gale's mouth or the feel of their skin pressed together. he can stand being reminded it's temporary. he can stand knowing he's pathetic.

(bucky is a lying liar to himself. he is full of resentment and frustration. he will pretend he's not full of resentment about this for as long as it's physically possible to. gale knows something is up with him but won't say anything too specific about it for the same reason john won't - they don't talk about it if they can avoid it. that's the whole point of unspoken agreements.)

*bucky has not considered that gale would be similarly paranoid even if he was not openly in a relationship and loyal to it (loyal in heavy air quotes lmfao) if not even worse, just because gale cleven is a high-strung freak underneath all the calm collected shit.

[maraschinotopped]

undertale yellow. clutches head in anguish.

[rat-rosemary]

There's something deeply funny to me about how every time I make a "C!Dream has hoarding compulsions" someone will say something that it's slightly insane about it

"Oh yeah!!! Other admins must also do that because they're connected to the ender dragon!"

No, thats not something dragons do, that's something traumatized people do. That's something traumatized people do irl. That's something I do

Hoarding is serious and it completely fucks up your ability to think. You're not making a cute gold pile, you're stockpiling for emergencies. You can trow anything away because "what if you need it? What if something happens and thats exactly what you needed and you'll regret throwing it away forever?"

Guarding territory is also not healthy! You're isolating yourself, normally even from people you like. Dream is keeping Punz away from the prison (where he lives most time), not because they're a threat but because no one can come to the prison. And by doing that he's cutting himself off of help he desperately needs

I'm not like, mad or anything (this is funny to me) and the first time I made a post like that someone else had also said something slightly insane but this time I felt I needed to address it because hoarding is not a cute thing you can give to a whole family line, at least not the type of hoarding C!Dream is doing

[d3m0n1c-cl0wn3ry]

“oh haha thoughts about my special intere-…..I’M GONNA END IT A”

[blitz0hno]

This got long so TL;DR: Mikoto acts on autopilot ~%90 of the time, but I believe he planned (most of) his crimes. He has straightforward reasons that align with his actions, but appears purely unreasonable because of his mental state. Kotoko is very deliberate, but acts her most violent out of raw emotion. She appears calculating, but feels completely out-of-control despite her strong "heroic" front.

y'know it SEEMS cliche that John screams like a madman every time he fronts but gee horror tropes aside has Es considered that switching can HURT?? like a lot???? Like idk maybe feeling your body flood with adrenaline and being made to handle that shit the moment someone "pisses him off" is a little bit agonizing? Maybe having no idea what's going on until he can process the emotional flooding adds fear which really doesn't help???

Fuck mannnnn when you read between the lines, John and Mikoto are a REALLY good deconstruction.

... especially since he is contrasted mainly with Kotoko. I say this because I was just struck with an idea.

ESSAY TIME LITERALLY A WHOLE ESSAY CAME OF THIS RANDOM THOUGHT no sources tho pure opinion~

So KOTOKO, despite saving the girl being her primary objective, kicked her victim to death out of anger. At her core, despite all her ideals, she was not acting out of reason or necessity, however reasonable the actual action seems.

Given that prisoner pairs are meant to starkly contrast, that gives me my best reasoning as to why I defend Mikoto's innocent vote while also praying John DOESN'T disappear:

Despite how unreasonable and irrational John acts at first, there's a reason he reacts the way he does. And deep down, somewhere in his mind, MIKOTO knows the reason he did what he did. His motives are real, even if he doesn't remember carrying out such a "dream." This leads me to believe there were REALLY big reasons, and likely good reasons, for killing who he did.

A deliberate, maybe even carefully premeditated act would undeniably lead to the death sentence. His brain knows this even if Mikoto himself isn't consciously thinking of it. But a defense of randomly "losing control?" MAYBE he can keep surviving. Because all he was doing was surviving.

I believe that when one protects themselves, they protect others as well. Perhaps I am biased, but no, abusive people should not go unaddressed and uninterrupted. It's very very very implied that John and Mikoto went after people he felt endangered by. I went over this in my first "Double" analysis, but TL;DR I think the red herring John gave (which is funny cuz that phrase comes from tactics to throw DOGS off their trail) goes SO much farther thematically than I've seen talk about.

John has reasons that he does what he does, as does Mikoto. Systems are wired for survival. The lucky ones do well in academics and even many job environments because they are ALWAYS processing what to do next. Burnout is SEVERE because the brain is basically always "on alert," even when we're checked out. I can find clinically documented sources for this claim and I will if I make a video or something about this, but yeah it sure is an EXPERIENCE when it all comes crashing down. Trying to end a cycle.

As for Kotoko? She is literally portrayed to have a one-track mind. Her ideals and justice. But ironically? She killed out of raw anger and emotion, which is what the wolf at the end of Deep Cover represents. Despite having a very "normal" life overall, SHE is the one who truly loses all control of herself. SHE beats up the people who annoy her. Because it's grating, as she said in Deep Cover, to face the ugliness of humanity and NOT be able to escape your brain's response to it. SHE cannot "disappear" and forget her rage at injustice like Mikoto can. She is at the mercy of this uncontrolled rage and the resulting violence she allows herself to perpetrate. Repeating a cycle.

it's so brilliant. It's SO brilliant. They are the same. They couldn't be more different. Neither is a hero nor a monster. But they are heroes in SOMEONE'S, or arguably MANY people's eyes. And yet in both 009 and 010's cases, when we see their truest and most raw colors, we question EVERYTHING we assumed before.

Mikoto is not telling the whole truth when he says he doesn't get angry or remember anything. John straight-up lied to cover Mikoto's motives for doing so, and possibly out of his own genuine confusion. He is acting on instinct drilled in by traumatic events that the brain is using as reference; however, with how DID works, John is not going to know that. It's not his "job," the protection role he plays in the system , to know that. Yet there are reasons all the same. His BIG reason, which he calls out to Mikoto in "Double," over and over, was to SAVE Mikoto. Meanwhile, Mikoto is afraid of his actions, but presumably carried them out in order to stay alive. Whatever his "dream," he still wishes he could be seen as a good man despite what he presumably felt he had to do to survive. DID is the "sink or swim" disorder; it's literally about saving yourself and being protected from the emotions that come with it. Whether or not his reasons truly make sense is yet to be seen, but either way, Mikoto feels he cannot trust himself. He is cut off from emotions that would make him believe his reasons were "bad enough" to ACTUALLY warrant murder. That is why he split; to forget how bad it truly got. He has NO idea how protected he truly is.

Kotoko firmly believes that she is COMPLETELY honest about what she wants and what she wishes to do about it. She believes her anger is justified completely, and thus her actions must be justified as well. This reasoning allows her to be completely convinced that she is aware of and comfortable with her every choice. Her reaction to her own anger, leaving Lucky behind in that rage, and her reaction to the wolf in "Deep Cover" revealed her awareness and comfort to be a self-imposed illusion of strength. Her ideals are real and she fights for them, yet she's crossed so many lines that she's actually very afraid of what she's become. It's right behind her, isn't it? Something she cannot run from before it swallows her. And having picked apart every other person there? She is alone; but this fear isn't "strong," so she hides it away for the extraction machine to reveal to us as the audience.

Both are driven by larger-than-life emotions that can only come from raw existential anguish; emotions repressed until they explode. Neither are anywhere near what they seem to be on the surface. Both are unknowingly dishonest. Neither knows what to do about it.

I wanna say there's hope for them but you know. Superhell.

[neptunesailing]

hades art dump + some whiteboard doodles