Your Voice was All I Heard
Date: 17 October, 2023
Featuring: @drrutherford
Yvonne stared down at her phone and the Instagram post ready to be posted, her teeth biting gently into her lip. Now that almost three months had passed in her relationship with Félix they'd decided to make things official. And that their public debut would be at the Halloween parties. The thought of the public and her family finding out she’d kept her new relationship under wraps for almost three months didn’t scare her….except for one.
Glancing down at the post once more, she saved it as a draft before opening up her contacts and dialing one number in particular and a pit of nervousness settled in her stomach as her brother answered her call.
“Hey, Gid. I have some news I wanted to share with you before it goes public.”
♜
After putting in a reluctant appearance to yet another London social last night, and having been foiled from making an eager exit, Gideon Rutherford is groggy and ill-tempered at the first arching lance of sun to meet his bedroom window that morning.
It heralds a poor start to any conversation, no matter how automatically he reaches for his phone when Yvonne's unmistakable ringtone begins to sing its first few notes. The foreboding feeling sinking like a stone in his stomach upon hearing her greeting, doesn't help matters much either.
Great, he thinks, at least she's getting straight to the point.
"Why does this sound suspiciously like 'you're going to hate this but there's nothing you can do about it, especially now that I'm giving you fair warning'?"
~~~~~~~~
The pit currently making itself at home in her stomach only intensified once Gideon answered. As much as she hated it, he was dead on the money with his assessment and the reason she was giving him the fair warning instead of letting him find out from Instagram. She started pacing around the room in a fruitless attempt to burn off some nervous energy as she continued on without answering the question.
"I'm seeing someone. Félix Rodriguez."
She rushed through the words before she could give herself a chance to chicken out and braced herself for Gideon's response.
♜
If he was in any parts groggy a few seconds ago, he isn't now, not when that name drops off her tongue; spoken so fast he might've otherwise missed it. He's swiftly on alert, throwing the covers off his legs as he pulls himself out of bed.
"Someone?... Fuck, Yvie - that isn't just 'someone'." The eldest brother points out, marching over to the window in order to draw the curtains shut. "And what do you mean 'seeing'?... As in, more than once?" How many times had she 'seen' Rodriguez in a manner that wasn't confined to the safe distance of a newspaper or a tv screen?... And when exactly had it started?... He feels the beginnings of a headache pounding at his temples as he turns on his heel and heads for the ensuite.
♜
Yvonne took a deep breath, squeezing her eyes shut to ground herself as Gideon spoke. His reaction was exactly what she’d expected, but still a small part of the back of her brain hoped that his reaction would be a little less….intense. Though, she had to admit that he was right. Félix Rodriguez wasn’t just ‘someone’, not when he was currently one of the frontrunners in the election.
“I mean, we’re dating. In a relationship. Serious about each other. So yeah, a lot more than once.” Technically the words ‘boyfriend’ and ‘girlfriend’ were the right ones to describe her situation, but something felt juvenile about using them. Especially to describe a middle aged man….Which was where she was expecting the majority of Gideon’s objections to arise. She continued pacing through her room, and a part of her wished Félix was there, but she had a sneaking suspicion that would just make things worse than if she handled this alone.
♜
“Serious about each other.” He echoes the words carefully, mouth tasting of chalk. How had it snowballed so fast?... It still feels like yesterday, the first time Yvonne had mentioned him. “Serious about each other, and you only thought to mention it now?"
There’s a part of him that can’t blame her. That knows exactly how difficult it is to air such sensitive matters to the family, especially when their own comes with such a vast array of differing opinions - not all of them wanted. At least, not all the time. It’s why he’d delayed telling them about Amélie, even as a man approaching his forties.
But that's just the thing. He’s a man approaching his forties, his little sister is over a decade younger, and yet Felix Rodriguez is much, much older than even Gideon. He can't pretend he doesn't worry about the imbalance, even if he knows Yvonne won't thank him for it. "Yvie..." The tender warning trickles into his tone, trying to soften the blow of his disapproval. "I don't think this is a good idea. In fact, whose was it?"
♜
Yvonne snorted before she could help herself. As if Gideon didn't know that this entire conversation was the reason she put off telling him until the last minute. She knew her brother well enough to know that their initial proposition wasn't something he'd approve of. It was sweet, that even after Katherine he still wanted and believed in romance for his sisters, but Yvonne had enough experience with men to know that there was always something they wanted from her. At least this time something tangible that couldn't be taken away from her was being offered in exchange.
And despite what she’d promised herself, feelings were starting to sneak their way in. Which she hoped would at least soften the blow, thought she wasn’t holding her breath.
"I know you don't, Gideon." She took a deep breath but it did nothing to help with the nervous shake of her hands. "He approached me at Adri's birthday party. But-", she rushed to interject before Gideon coulr voice further objections, "this was my decision. And before you ask, yes we've talked about the age difference."
♜
He listens to her sigh rippling through the phone line, listens with the mobile pressed hard against his ear as if might enlighten him as to every passing thought that's gone into that sigh; every tip of the scales that have led her to this choice in the first place.
"Do the others know?... Have you talked about it with any of them?" He has a sinking feeling in his chest that he might be the first; that she's chosen him first to test the waters. Selfishly, Gideon hopes someone other than him has already voiced their disapproval first, lest it lessen the blow in hearing it a second time.
Though it doesn't surprise him when she predicts his objection before it even lands. It's Yvonne, after all. "Mm, yes," He supplies cynically, "I suppose he would jump to reassure you that age isn't an issue, wouldn't he?... And just like that you believe him?"
It's my decision, she insists, and Gideon feels a nauseating mixture of hope and fear in his chest that that's true. Hope, that if it's true he'll have less cause for the anxiety already gripping him at the thought she's been manipulated into this by Rodriguez.
Fear, that if it's true she won't be likely to change her mind, either.
♜
“You’re the first I’ve told,” Yvonne admitted. Gideon was the first one she thought to turn to, and honestly it had killed her inside to keep it from him for this long. But, at the same time, the bliss of having one thing for herself, a relationship that brought her more happiness than she’d had in a long time, had been idyllic.
Logically, she knew Gideon was just trying to protect her. She’d never told him the full extent of her previous heartbreaks, especially Jared, and she was planning on keeping it that way. But at the same time, if she tried to explain her decision making and the extent of negotiations she had with Félix before they made things official, it would only prove Gideon’s fears to himself.
“Yeah, I did, Gideon. Because we talked things through pretty extensively. And not just about our ages, but every imbalance we could think of.” Deep down, Yvonne knew she wouldn’t be able to convince Gideon, at least not through one phone call. There was a small part of her that worried she’d never be able to convince Gideon, but she took another deep breath to steady herself in a futile attempt to ignore it. “I know you don’t like it and I understand why, but I wanted you to know.”
♜
'You're the first I've told.'
It's a dubious honour, and he feels once again torn between two competing feelings — gratitude and dread. He's touched that it's him she's thought to reach out to first within the family, and yet not so enfeebled by the flattery that he forgets the solemn responsibility he bears her. Incumbent upon him as is on any older brother to warn and protect, whether or not it means disappointing her in the process.
"Yv," He begins, looking for a way to break it to her. In the end, it's as unpoetic as it usually is with Gideon. "I don't care about "we"; about how Rodriguez no doubt waved away every barrier in the path and threw fairy dust over all the red flags." He growls, running one hand through his hair. "I care about you. That's it. So don't tell me about 'we'. Tell me about why you're so sure he isn't being a- a-..." lecherous social-climbing predator, he wants to say, but barely keeps it slotted behind his teeth. " — A user."
He hears her sigh through the phone. 'I know you don’t like it and I understand why, but I wanted you to know.' His eyes slip shut. It sounds too much like an impending see you later, like a my mind's made up, come hell or high water.
"Yvonne, we have to talk about this." He warns, and over the phone doesn't count.
"Do me a favour," Gideon adds, wary she'll end the call before he can request it. "Don't tell dad. Not yet." Oh, her father would fucking love this.
♜
She wanted to laugh as Gideon voiced his concerns. She seriously doubted that telling how up front they both were about the benefit the other could provide would reassure him. Or that he’d believe that Yvonne herself was taking advantage of the connections being provided to her. “I feel happy, Gideon. This is something that’s just mine and he makes me feel good, special. I can talk to him.” She took a deep breath and decided to bite the bullet and drop the bomb he would no doubt hate. “But really, I’m never going to be able to avoid the fear of being used for my connections. Name me one man who wouldn’t benefit from being connected to a Rutherford. I know you’re trying to protect me, but you can’t lock me away in a tower from everyone.”
Yvonne’s tone darkened at the mention of their father. “Don’t worry, I had no intentions of sharing this with him.” Or really anything. This definitely wasn’t the time to talk about her growing disillusionment with Andrew Rutherford, both brother and sister knew that the second he found out, he would be taking advantage of the situation even more than Gideon was afraid Yvonne was being taken advantage of.
♜
'I feel happy, Gideon.'
His heart squeezes painfully in his chest. For all that he's desperate for answers, reasons, explanations, things difficult for anyone to give while in the persuasive throes of love, her words give him pause. It's not good enough – not when she can still have the wool pulled over her eyes, still be used and abused in all the ways that he fears – yet simultaneously, it's all he's ever wanted for her.
For Yvonne to be happy.
It shows in the hesitation that slows his cadence when he speaks again. "But those things you said... The fact that he's yours, the fact that he makes you feel special and you can talk to him... Yvie, don't you see that those are things anyone can and should make you feel in love?" Don't you realize it doesn't make him special? Gideon doesn't voice it, although the grudge he's beginning to bear Rodriguez grows at the thought.
And whatever relief he feels that she doesn't plan on telling their opportunistic shark of a father, is somewhat waylaid by her words about being a Rutherford. 'Name me one man who wouldn’t benefit from being connected to a Rutherford...'
He won't tell her, but all it does is make him wish all the more ardently that he could lock her safe in some tower so as to better protect her heart. However irrational.
However unfair.
He struggles for an answer to that, the lines on his face deepening in their frown. "I don't know," He confesses at long last, into the silence. "But that doesn't mean you can't find one... You're still so young, Yvie. You've got your whole life ahead of you."
♜
Yvonne reached up to pinch the bridge of her nose. It was growing clear that the pair were reaching an impasse. She'd known when she called Gideon what his response would be, but a small part of her had hoped she'd be able to convince him that this was, in fact what she wanted. That this was the happiest she'd been in a relationship in years.
“So why is it so wrong that he makes me feel this way?
She understood where Gideon was coming from, she truly did. That didn't mean she liked it. “You really think I’m throwing my life away here?” She held her breath, unsure of whether she truly wanted an honest answer to the question she posed.
♜
'So why is it so wrong that he makes me feel this way?'
Gideon runs a hand through his hair, silently willing her to understand. Because he's a politician? Because he, more than anyone, knows exactly what to claim to get what he wants out of you? Because he's our dad's age?... Because it's exactly this sort of relationship that carries the highest risk for power imbalance abuse?...
Instead, he lets out a sigh and opens a topic he's rarely discussed with his little sister in the open. "Yvie, we haven't talked much about marriage, because you were young when it all happened and I didn't wanna put it on you. But maybe we should... Just not over the phone." He glances at the clock; he needs to get ready for work.
"It's harsh to say you're throwing your life away. I can't predict that and I don't want to. But more than anyone I know how destructive it is if you give your heart to the wrong person... How it chips away pieces of your life – pieces of yourself – that you'd never anticipated losing. That's not a risk you can esteem lightly, especially when it comes to a man like Felix. Tell me, at least, that you can appreciate that."
♜
Pieces of yourself. This time Yvonne didn’t stop herself from the dark chuckle that left her lips. There were multiple pieces of herself strewn across the streets of Cávado, thanks to Jared and the Kings. And her own stupidity.
“I agree. We should talk.” Yvonne took a deep breath once again, sending up a silent prayer that she didn’t have to see the look on Gideon’s face as she said this. “There’s something I should probably tell you too. Because I do understand what happens when you give your heart to the wrong person, more than you think I do.” She reached up to wipe at her eye and her finger came back damp with tears she didn’t realize she was crying. After all these years, how did the mere thought of Jared still have that power over her?
“Just tell me when you’re free and where you want to meet, okay? I’ll be there.”
♜
He can just barely make out a wistful chuckle in response to his words, and the sound of it plucks a discordant note through his heartstrings, deepening the foreboding.
He likes it even less when she hints at something to tell him, suggesting some intimate knowledge of what it means to give one's heart to the wrong person. The older brother hopes – as far fetched as it seems – that it's Theo she's talking about; old feelings that maybe she'd never had the chance to share, given how much flack they'd all given her for sleeping with the dangerous mobster some three years ago. But even as he hopes it, some part of Gideon knows better.
Knows it isn't Theo, she means.
"Alright." He concedes, pulling open his closet door. He stares blankly at the array of suits, his mind still on his sister. "Well... Thank you for telling me." He adds after a beat, even as the words stick like tar in his mouth. Still, it's true. Gideon doesn't like what he's heard, but it's better than not to have heard it; better than to have learned it all second-hand through the unforgiving reach of social media or other people's gossip.
"I do appreciate it, Yvie." Another beat as he racks his mind to remember his schedule. "I can do dinner in two days. Meet me at The Wolseley, 7pm."
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