#can YOU IMAGINE how good real housewives of gotham would be? my GOD

[no27-autonation-honda]

you know there's a real missed opportunity of not making versions of like the real housewives franchise in comics. you look me in the eyes and you goddamned tell me that the real housewives of gotham or central city doesn't fucking SMACK in the dc universe and give atlanta and rhony a run for the crown

[heartslogos]

a blue curtain is a damn blue curtain

“Wait,” Tim holds up a hand, eyes narrowed, “Stop. Start over. If you start there it makes me look like an idiot, when clearly you’re the one who’s crazy and like - weird. Roll it back to the beginning Mr. In-Medias-Res.”

Jason scowls, “If you don’t like how I tell it, then you tell it.”

“I’m not telling it because it’s embarrassing and I lived through it,” Tim says, “And I’m not going to actively give that kind of ammunition to Dick Grayson.”

“I don’t know what to infer from how you say my name,” Dick replies, “I’m going to - most charitably - decide to take only good and wonderful things away from this. Because I am a good and wonderful person.”

Jason and Tim eye him skeptically.

“Continue with not telling the story of how you two actually got together after months of you two complaining to me separately,” Dick waves his hand, stirring some more sugar into his coffee with the other. “As someone who’s been a side character in this comedy of errors, I really need to know how this eventually resolved. It’s been - like - nagging at my conscience. I have to know. You two have replaced Gotham Housewives for me, did you know that? I stopped watching in favor of helping the two of you through this disaster and now I’m hooked. Give me a series finale!”

“You know, Dick, I really don’t appreciate how you’re treating this like a soap opera.”

“If this were a soap opera one of you would have died, come back to life with amnesia and some sort of emotional issue, and then the two of you would have proceeded to spend the next three or so years fighting with repressed feelings until it culminated into a new working relationship and then a romantic one.”

“What?”

“Nothing, nothing. Please,” Dick waves his hand, “By all means. Continue. Start. Something.”

Tim and Jason exchange baffled glances before Jason sighs.

“Alright, so - remember how I forgot Kori’s birthday last year and I went on like, a super quick last minute shopping spree to find something worthy of Kori?”

“Yes?”

“Well - “

-

“I appreciate the gesture, but the apartment is only so big,” Kori says, “And there are only so many flat surfaces.”

Jason pants, depositing the last of the flowers onto her kitchen counter.

“Well, Kori, you said you love flowers,” Jason says, “And I forgot if there was anything specific you liked so I just got a few of everything. The perks of knowing someone who owns a flower shop.”

“You’re sweet,” Kori kisses his cheek, “I appreciate the gesture, Jason. I will give some flowers to my neighbors. There is a woman next door named Raven. I have been to her apartment a few times. I think it could use some flowers. Everyone’s lives could use some flowers. Jason, I think I should get a window box. I miss having a place to garden. A window box is not a garden, but it is something, no?”

“Good idea,” Jason nods, “Where’s everyone?”

“I told everyone not to get me anything this year,” Kori says, giving him a pointed look, “It seems that not only you forgot my birthday - like I did ask - but you also forgot not to get me anything. You are very sweet, Jason, but sometimes I think that all your time in your university’s library has made you a bit - “

Kori pauses to look for a word.

“Addled,” She concludes.

“Thanks,” Jason says.

“You are welcome. Now shoo, knowing you, there are a thousand other things you need to do and have tried to forget,” Kori waves him off.

She’s not wrong.

-

“That’s why Dinah was so stressed,” Dick muses, “And why I couldn’t stop sneezing when I went to visit her that weekend.”

“Dinah was stressed?” Tim interrupts, “I was stressed. Who the hell do you think had to cut and prepare and wrap and load all those flowers? Me. What kind of person buys out an entire flower shop in one day?”

“I can’t believe you could even pay for that,” Dick says to Jason.

“I paid for half of it, when I told Dinah it was for Kori she laughed at me and gave me a huge discount that she’s letting me pay for in installments,” Jason says. “I think she wanted to see what would happen for me forgetting Kori’s birthday and her very specific request not to do anything for it.”

“Alright, so that’s how you two met - not on the best foot, continue.”

“Alright, before we go on, I have to say something,” Tim speaks up before Jason can continue, “You know what’s even more terrible than buying out a flower shop in one day with no warning?”

Jason groans and puts his head in his hands.

“What?”

“Sending flowers to that flower shop from another flower shop,” Tim says.

Dick turns to stare at Jason, “Oh my god.”

“I wanted to apologize!”

“By sending me flowers from someone else’s shop?”

“Well I couldn’t go to your shop and have you arrange the thing and then give it back to you! What kind of crazy weirdo do you think I am?”

“One worthy of dating apparently.”

“Let it never be said that I had good taste in anything.”

“Seconded.”

“Who’s side are you on?”

“The right one, continue with this story.”

“Yeah, Jason, continue.”

“I sent him agrimony.”

Dick turns to Tim, “What’s agrimony? Because I can only think of alimony and that’s something that happens after you get together and then break up.”

“I,” Tim says, “Have no fucking idea what agrimony is.”

“You’re a florist!” Jason exclaims, ears turning red, “How could you not know what agrimony is?”

“I’m also a mechanic,” Tim crosses his arms, “And a customer service phone operator. I’m a lot of things, Jason.”

“Well, I know that now,” Jason grumbles.

“What’s agrimony?” Dick repeats.

“It’s a type of flower,” Jason says, “That means gratitude in the language of flowers.”

“There is no language of flowers,” Tim faux-whispers to Dick, “That’s not a thing. I asked Dinah a million times, it isn’t a thing. And she’s a real bona-fide florist.”

“It is so a thing! It’s in every single book.”

“The language of flowers is like - something English majors made up to sound cool,” Tim says. “And I appreciate it - in the long run, in hindsight, when I wasn’t living the situation of receiving flowers from a different flower shop. I thought it was like - some sort of declaration of war.”

“If I was sending a declaration of war I’d send a rhodedendron,” Jason replies.

Tim gestures at Dick as if to say see? “What do I do with this?”

“Date it, apparently.”

“Well, okay yeah.” It’s Tim’s turn to flush, now. “It was really sweet once he explained it all to me and everything. I mean, once he did explain it - how could you not want to find out more?”

“I still can’t believe it,” Jason says, “Do you know how many flowers I sent him? Do you know?”

“I feel like I’m about to.”

“Circaea,” Jason begins to list off, “Dahlia, datura, hibiscus, jasmines, lilies, lilacs, Dick. I sent him fucking lilacs.”

“Translation?”

Jason’s voice lowers as he whispers out, “First emotions of love.”

Dick looks at Tim, “I’m so sorry.”

Tim covers his face with his hands, “It’s cute,” He mumbles, “I mean, afterwards I thought it was really cute. Infuriating, but cute.”

“Quick question - where the hell did you get all of these? I don’t think these are normal plants,” Dick says.

“I have my sources,” Jason answers cryptically.

“Do you know Pam?” Tim says and Jason groans.

“Pam?” Dick blinks, brow furrowing, “Oh, Pam. Wait - Pam got out from jail?”

“Pam’s been out, Dick,” Jason rolls his eyes, “I’ve been watching her garden for her while she was in jail and she let me take some of it. Apparently flowers look their best when there’s a home that loves them or something. I sent him roses, Dick. I sent him roses.”

“Okay, at roses I got it,” Tim holds up his hands defensively. “Everyone understands roses. Once we reached roses I was like oh, someone’s flirting really badly with me.”

“Did you know it was Jason, yet?”

“Yes, because once we got to roses apparently he was fed up enough to come in person to deliver them.”

“I’m also going to point out that by the time I got to roses I was also fed up enough to flat out say, hey, I think you’re really interesting, want to get coffee?” Jason points out. “So even if it wasn’t roses, you’d have known.”

“You couldn’t have done this from the start?” Dick gapes at Jason.

“Well how was I supposed to know the florist didn’t know the language of flowers? Besides, once I started it was hard to stop,” Jason says.

“He sent me jonquils,” Tim says, “I made him write every single one of those flowers and meanings down and give them to me when we got coffee for the first time. I think I almost cried.”

“Before or after you tore into me about not being upfront?”

“During.”

“Is that why your voice went all squeaky? Cute.”

Tim flushes. Jason grins.

“I can’t believe this,” Dick shakes his head, rubbing his fingers against his temple. “Do you know how many texts and phone calls I got between the two of you? Dick, I think I’ve got a crazy stalker. They keep sending me these weird flowers and I don’t know what to do. Dick, I met a guy but I don’t think I’m doing this whole flirting thing right because he’s not reacting at all. Dick, can you investigate a florist shop for me and it’s not for rivalry purposes. Dick, how do you talk to people. Oh my fucking god.”

“It worked out,” Jason says, turning to Tim, “It worked! You like me back!”

“Imagine how much more of that we could have had sooner if you’d have just said you were interested in me to start with,” Tim says.

“Question, how does sending flowers to express gratitude lead to sending flowers to express wanting to date?” Dick asks.

“Well,” Jason says, “After the first flower - “

“Agrimony.”

“After the agrimonies, I was walking by to give Roy something he forgot at Kori’s place and I saw him talking to cats in the side alley of Dinah’s shop and he was wearing this cute little apron - “

“It’s part of the uniform.”

“Dinah’s place doesn’t have uniforms.”

“Tell that to Mia, because I won’t. I’m too scared of her.”

“And he just looked really - I dunno. I just wanted to talk to him more,” Jason shrugs. “It was a cute image, Dick. Picture worthy and everything.”

“Cute,” Dick says, pointing to Tim, “Now you.”

“I have eyes and noticed he was handsome even if he was asking for the most ridiculous and stressful thing in my life ever,” Tim says, “But also he looks cute when he’s flustered. And after he explained everything I thought that was sweet, what harm could it do to give this a shot? So I told him to get on the back of my motorcycle and I’d drive us to a drive in movie and here we are.”

Jason grins, “He’s got a really sweet ride.”

“I’m a mechanic.”

“I’m pretty sure that he’s illegally modified the thing to go faster,” Jason says. “It’s amazing.”

“Please don’t tell me about how illegal something someone might have done is,” Dick says, “I’m not in uniform, but it’s sort of my responsibility to act.”

Tim leans against Jason’s side, “I had Cass do a custom design of an agrimony decal to put on the side of it.”

“He’s never going to let me live this down,” Jason says.

“I’m getting one tattooed,” Tim rolls up his shirt sleeve and points to his inner elbow, just above a tangle of geometric lines. “Right here. So I’ll remember this comedy for the rest of my life.”

“He means he’ll remember me for the rest of his life.”

“What do I need to remember you for? You’re right here with me.”

Jason gasps, “Babe.”

“Babe?” Dick’s eyebrows raise.

“Babe.” Tim nods.