#can't buy myself a little drink or a cute clothing item i won't wear because i don't go out ever or see a movie or play a game.... | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

readymades2002 · 2 years

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sorry for being quiet on here i’ve been having no exaggeration the worst mental health moment of my life on top of being quite busy+unable to work because of aforementioned health moment and i may be about to make it much worse for myself. anyway i went for a walk yesterday to a boutique nearby to roleplay someone who has money+looks nice in things and not only was everything i tried on too expensive for my blood but the only thing that fit me was this very comfortable dress that i would have no reason to wear literally ever because i don’t wear dresses around people. because i know it will change the way they perceive my gender even though it doesnt for me. so i cant. well anyway o<<

#every time i try things on i always end up finding dresses i really enjoy and it sucks....#i dont like people seeing me in dresses but theyre so comfortable...#and then i cant explain why i dont want to wear them out because im closeted so i just say 'i dont like people seeing me in dresses'...#and no one is happy with that answer because it doesnt make sense.........#screams iinto hands i just want to buy something for myself i literally hate having no financial independence #i hate that staying alive doing nothing is so exhausting for me and i hate that i can't really do anything for myself to make it suck less #can't buy myself a little drink or a cute clothing item i won't wear because i don't go out ever or see a movie or play a game....#the only thing i can do is draw and walk and drawing right now is. i don't want to be dramatic but it is not going well for me right now #i really. god. its been so fucking bad lately. everything has been so bad. im at the 'screaming crying fits in front of my mother' stage #of 'having a normal one' which i havent done since this time last year and even then i was like. hiding in the bathroom still #and i still have work to do because this is time sensitive @_@ ohhh my god i don't know what im gonna do

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