#cats dont need to go outside. the vast vast majority of cats are just fine if they dont

[lilyliveredlittlerichboy]

still not over that guy & his fam who all blocked me because i was like the easiest way to keep ur cats from getting run over by cars is to keep them indoors. they lost a cat to cars and their current cats still go outside. ok fam feeling guilty much. its not my fault ur cat died to a car. but it kinda is yours

[the-darkgod]

its like, the reason i didnt end up moving was bc a) i was scared and b) i was thinking that i should stay in seattle rather than kinda "giving up" parts of my life to move. i do think i wouldve had to - i think i wouldve had a hard time making friends, wouldn't've been able to go to as many events (many small american artists are not exactly touring in geneva lol, and as small as europe is comparatively, i dont make enough to be traveling every weekend or w/e)

but now im faced with so much regret. did i make a mistake in not moving? im not really doing much in this city anyway, its not like im doing something great by not leaving. sure i have some friends i hang out with, and i love those friends a lot, but is it worth it? am i really sure i wouldn't have made more friends? would it have been as bad as i was expecting?

im not sure. i think it wouldve been rly hard, i dont want to diminish that just because im feeling regret. the moving process sucks, and geneva is a really difficult city to move to, afaik. living there is expensive, and id prob be living in one of the french towns outside of geneva, making it even less of a city and more of just... a town. finding a place to live would have been challenging - i was reading a lot about it and the amount of paperwork you need as a foreigner is tough, and time consuming, and i wouldve had to find a place where i could keep my cats as well

im also on various medication which i wouldve had to find someone to prescribe to me. a psychiatrist wouldve been doable, but something like going to a gynecologist wouldve made me nervous, esp. bc im nonbinary, and on T, and wouldve liked to keep that going even after moving. switzerland isn't a super progressive country (not the worst, ofc) but it wouldve been harder to find an accepting physician or gyno than it is in the city i live in rn, where basically everyone is at least aware of trans people on some level, and the vast majority are trans positive

like - im not saying it wouldve been impossible. there are trans people in switzerland, obviously. but it wouldve been like - i moved, then in one month basically idve had to: travel btwn switzerland and home to get my cats a couple times + dealing with all of that, getting my antidepressants set up over there, finding someone to prescribe me birth control, and getting hormones and a doctor who is knowledgable about hormones specifically for nonbinary people. impossible? no, obviously not. but a lot to do in a short amount of time, when moving itself wouldve been hard.

but despite all of that, and knowing all of that logically in my brain and recognizing all of that - i still wish that i didnt leave this group. i wish that i had stayed, and moved, bc shouldn't it be worth it in the end?

finding research im interested in is hard - and that was research i was interested in. it was cool stuff - the physics was fun but it also was a lot of training in something i wanted to do after graduation. and thats maybe the biggest thing. the new research im doing now is fine in terms of physics but the computing is .... limited. the group is much more physics oriented rather than being like a mix of physics and CS. and thats fine - great even - for most people. but i dont want to do physics necessarily after i graduate, id rather do some sort of computing. but this new group isnt going to prepare me as well for that, and then what am i going to do?

like, was i just not going to move because it was too scary and missed out on this great opportunity for me? did i ruin my future just because i was too nervous to move? too scared of all the logistics? what am i even doing with myself now that im in seattle. just sitting around basically and thinking about how anxious and depressed i am. maybe seeing some friends once in a while. was it worth it? i dont know.