#cause 1.3k followers or however many it has now. u know how it is
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one day ill draw again i Sweayr toGod
#cherry chats#auuuuuuauuuuajhhhhauuoouuuuyhhhh#i feel like total SHIT oh my godD#i was being a lazy little shit who wouldnt leave their bed for too long and now i cant draw anymogre Auuhhhgg#i was like. ill make a really shitty joke selfship doodle just to et back into the swing of things#i couldnt even open a new project in csp without wanting to cry.#its not even just my regular performance anxiety (yknow…. the one that made me drop out of school at 12 and hasnt let up since.)#im just so embarrassed at the thought of trying to drawy something again#annd i cant even make myself feel better because i Cant Draw A Thing#vibrating in a puddle of tears on the floor Its fine though like its cool im just a bit tired is all ill be able to draw again soon#im so. its just so. auuauavhrvrggegeghrhhrhggh#feels like my dumbshit brain is melting i ahatebthis shit man i Swear#yknow after id cmmissioned eebie i was considering cmmissioning her AGAIN afterwards if shed be ok with it#because i had something i wanted to draw with me and sans that i could make myself but i just didnt feel like jt#i ran out of money so i couldntve cmmissioned her even if she allowed it but anyway i was like eh its fine ill just do it myself#bear in mind this was like. a shitpost drawing like it was Not serious or high effort at all#turns out i could NOT just draw it myself because apparently 5 months is enough time to undo all my years of cognitive behavioral therapy#go fucking figure. blows up the whole earth#anyway sorry for posting vent shit ill be fine im just sad at my stupid anxiety and i cant post it on main#cause 1.3k followers or however many it has now. u know how it is#ill try to draw again on sunday when im drunk hopefully maybe ill be less scared then LOL#also im going to bed. i feel like complete and utter GARBAGE!!!!! and i dont wanna deal with it so bedtime it is#i wanna imagime sans comforting me so ill feel better….. but for some reason sans comforting me for failing to draw selfship art with sans#feels. maybe too meta to actually cheer me up. fkebkfbnldnfm#edit had to go back and censor the word cmmission. because. artists looking for work are searching that word i guess and messaging anyone#mentioning it in posts#which is fair and whatever but. even if i were interested i spent all my money on drugs and booze so i Cant
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