#cause the moment qin su slapped him it was gloves off

[mxtxfanatic]

Jin Guangyao and Qin Su: A Lesson in Gaslighting

So this is one of my favorite scenes in the book on account of how absolutely unhinged it is. Jin Guangyao is someone who will go above and beyond in his commitment to the bit, using any and all means to maintain his web of lies. But his greatest weapon, by far, is his ability to gaslight via his expression and words. Upon his introduction as a character and not just conversation topic in the book, we are quickly given a confrontation between Jin Guangyao and his previously blissfully content wife, Qin Su in Chapt. 47 (exr). However, as the confrontation escalates, Jin Guangyao puts his gaslighting skills in action. When Qin Su confronts him about marrying her while knowing they are siblings, this is said:

Qin Su bursted out crying, “You’re lying! Things are already like this and you’re still lying to me—well I don’t believe it!”

Jin GuangYao sighed, “A-Su, you were the one who told me to say so. Now that I’ve said so, you refuse to believe me. This is indeed quite troubling.”

She’s made the villain by saying she doesn’t believe him. He is making her the villain by saying that he’s only telling her what “she wants” to hear, making her not believing him not because he is a career liar but because of some fault of hers. When she continues to disbelieve his lies, he pivots to telling her that her being upset is only a mind game, and that since they’ve lived so long “as husband and wife” there’s obviously no issue with the incest except what her mind makes of it, like incest isn’t a big fucking deal breaker????

Watching the ashes fall to the ground bit by bit, he spoke in a somewhat dejected tone, “A-Su, we’ve been husband and wife for so many years. We’ve always respected each other in peaceful harmony. As a husband, I’d like to think that I treat you well. The fact that you’re acting like this really hurts my feelings.”...

...Jin GuangYao, “A-Su, before you knew of it, didn’t we live perfectly fine? You only felt uncomfortable and began to vomit today, now that you know. We can see that this isn’t anything at all. It won’t be able to do any physical harm to you. Your mind is the only thing doing all this.”

And when that doesn’t work, he tries to appeal to her reputation:

Jin GuangYao, “If the person could tell you, then they can also tell other people. If they could write one letter, then they can also write a second, a third, a countless number of letters. What do you intend on doing? Allow such a thing to be leaked? A-Su, I’m begging you. Please, no matter for which feelings that have existed between us, tell me where the people mentioned in the letter are. Who was the one that told you to come back and read the letter?”

Notice that he is still attempting to appeal to her using their affection as spouses. He is refusing to acknowledge the truth of them being biological siblings so that he still has plausible deniability in case he can still convince Qin Su to believe his words over her secret informant. But this all hinges on whether or not he can weed out the informant to kill before the information becomes public, hence him subtly reminding her that if his reputation is damned for the information, hers will be too. But denying it doesn’t work, convincing her to overlook it doesn’t work, appealing to her former affections of him doesn’t work, so what’s next? Making himself the victim, of course!

A mourning warmth filled the eyes that Jin GuangYao looked at her with, “A-Su, back then, I really didn’t have another path to walk. I wanted to keep you in the dark for your whole life. I didn’t want you to know about this. Now, though, it’s been entirely ruined by the one who told you. You think that I’m dirty. You think that I’m disgusting. All of these are fine, but you’re my wife. How would others see you? How would they talk of you?”

And then we end back at a more direct appeal to reputation: “well if I’m disgusting, what will others think about you?” In an almost non-sequitur, Jin Guangyao returns to the topic of Jin Rusong, saying that the child “had to die” and subtly admitting that he likely–but always with plausible deniability–had something to do with his son-nephew’s death, causing Qin Su to slap him. Jin Guangyao immediately shuts down the conversation.

Jin GuangYao, “What are you talking about? You must be feeling quite unwell. Your father has already gone to journey and cultivate. I’ll send you off sometime soon as well, and you can enjoy being in your father’s company. Let’s finish this quickly. There’s still quite a number of guests outside. There’s still the Discussion Conference tomorrow.”

Deny, deflect, pretend that it is the other person who has lost their grip on reality, never directly admit to any accusation so that you have an out, and always, always maintain that genial smile. Poor Qin Su never stood a chance.