#ch: minfillia

[heirsofdiscord]

The Parting Glass

2/?

[zacolyn]

Footprints In Sand: Ch. 1

(Also on AO3)

It had been fine!

Ardbert had known something was wrong with the Warrior of Darkness of the Source, named Albert of all things, since he had made his final choice when Albert was succumbing to the primordial light, but he had thought that joining with him would fix it, or at least help. Certainly it had seemed to, and he had been glad to have found his purpose, to finally be able to rest.

Finding himself waking up in the bed Albert had gone to sleep in several days after returning to the Source put a lie to that notion, however. He patted his chest and sat up, disoriented. Stumbling to the mirror showed him a face much like his own but with longer hair and more of a beard. Albert's face.

“Wh-What’s going on?” He said, voice breathy from fear. “This...this isn’t right at all.” He stumbled back until he encountered the bed again, sat down hard and sat there for several long minutes just breathing while his mind spun in frantic, useless circles.

“It’s okay. It’s fine.” He said finally. “Albert’s just tired. He’s….he’s resting. I....I just need to caretake his body while he recovers. The Lightwardens took a lot out of him. He deserves time to recoup. I’ll handle things until he’s ready to wake up again. It’ll be fine. It’s just a little longer and then I can rest.”

The relief he had talked himself into was short-lived however as his own words uttered so so long ago, over a century by his own telling but so much more recent by compare in Albert's memory, came bubbling up to taunt him.

“Aye,” The Ardbert of memory had stated with so much damnable smugness. “like the Ascians, we too are beyond death! You cannot defeat that which is eternal!”

“Oh gods, don’t tell me I was right.” He whispered, horror washing away the last of the calm he had begun to gather. Had he absorbed Albert into himself instead of the other way around? Had he truly become like the monsters who stole bodies for their own uses?

He stared at Albert's hands--his hands--and witnessed their shaking. “Oh gods, please don’t let me be right....” But he had been, hadn't he? Why hadn't he gone to the Lifestream after Minfillia had rejected his sacrifice? Why had he wandered for a hundred years? Why was he here now in a body that had no business being his?

He uttered a manic laugh and put his hands to his face, then laughed again, not sure whether he really wanted to scream or sob.

“I’m never going to get to rest, am I?” He asked no one, anguish straining his voice. “I’m just going to....to inhabit this body, and then it will die and I’ll just be wandering again. Like a damnable Ascian!” A hand swung down to hit the mattress and he grit his teeth. “This wasn’t supposed to happen! I was supposed to join Albert and become a part of him! He was the hero, not me! He was supposed to survive! This is his story! Mine’s told already!”

He squeezed his eyes shut and exhaled a shuddery breath. “Albert’s just tired.” He said with forced evenness. “He’ll be back in no time at all. I just need to take care of his body until then.” Maybe if he said it enough, he could even make it true.

------

He had thought to steal away before anyone would have a chance to notice something was wrong, but he had underestimated Tataru, who ambushed him as soon as he exited the room Albert had been given at Revenant’s Toll.

“Good morning Albert!” She greeted him cheerfully. “You’re just in time for breakfast!” She motioned to the table the Scions sans Urianger were seated at.

Well there was no getting around it now. Ardbert made himself smile and nod before heading over to take an empty chair, hoping they wouldn’t try to engage him in much conversation, since Albert’s memories felt rather spotty.

Still, he started to smile at Albert’s comrades until his gaze met Y’shtola’s and the expression died. In spite of, or possibly because of her blindness, her gaze seemed to sear through him and he abruptly remembered that she navigated the world through the viewing of aether. Clearly she could see that something wasn’t right.

His gaze traveled to the others, and found that Thancred and Alisaie were also staring at him with hostile expressions. Indeed, Alisaie looked about ready to vault the table. G’raha and Alphinaud were the only ones who hadn’t fixated on him, both nose deep in books as they were.

“Is something the matter?” Tataru asked, looking up at them while holding the plate of food meant for Albert.

“That remains to be seen.” Thancred said before reaching over to take the plate. “Thank you, Tataru.” He set it down in front of Ardbert, not having even once broken eye contact. “Go on. Eat. You must be starving.”

What else could Ardbert do? It was true he did feel ravenous, or at least he thought that’s what the sensation in the pit of his belly was. Forcing himself to look away from Thancred’s unnerving stare, he focused on the meal set before him. He had thought the food would merely provide fuel in his current state of mind, but Tataru was simply too good a cook and he found himself enjoying it in spite of the hostility.

“Is aught amiss?” Alphinaud came out of his book fixation and looked around at the others, prompting G’raha to also pull himself out of his book. “Why are you all glaring at Albert?”

“C-Can I finish eating first?” Ardbert asked plaintively before anyone had a chance to answer. “It’s really good.”

Y’shtola sat back and crossed her arms. “Certainly. It would be a shame to waste Tataru’s cooking.”

Alphinaud and G’raha looked at one another with matched puzzled expressions, clearly not seeing what the others were.

Ardbert wanted to dwell over the meal and delay the coming conversation, but one side glance at Alisaie told him she definitely would be vaulting the table if he dallied, so he forced the rest of the meal down as quickly as he could, not really tasting it.

“So,” Thancred said as soon as he’d swallowed his last bite. “Just who the hell are you really?”

“Elidibus?” Y’shtola guessed.

Ardbert’s shoulders had been slumped in guilt, though that accusation had him straightening up. Before he could speak in his defense however, Alisaie finally gave in to her desire for action and hopped up onto her chair, a foot slamming onto the table and her crystal rapier pointing at his throat.

Ardbert’s hands flew up. “Now wait! Hold on! I’m not an Ascian!”

“Then who?!” Alisaie snarled, ignoring Alphinaud’s efforts to get her to get off the table.

“Ardbert!” Gods she was truly terrifying, a fact he’d never properly appreciated so long ago facing her and some of the others as Elidibus’s pawn. “I’m Ardbert!”

For a moment no one moved, then Y’shtola raised her hand and motioned for Alisaie to stand down. Still glaring she stepped back and dropped off the chair, though she didn’t put her weapon away.

“Explain yourself.” Y’shtola said, staring at Ardbert.

“.....Albert went to sleep, and I’m the one who woke up.” He offered lamely, slowly lowering his arms. “I don’t know what happened. I don’t know why. I’m not supposed to be here….I don’t…” His voice broke. “This was never supposed to happen. This is Albert’s story, not mine.”

Everyone looked at Y’shtola while she pondered this.

“We need to speak to Urianger.” She said at last.

“Before we do that, I may be able to offer an explanation.” G’raha spoke up. “Our dear friend was much stressed by the end of his time in the First, soul and body both.” He extended a hand toward Ardbert. “Ardbert joined with Albert as a conscious choice, and not having absorbed the essences of several Lightwardens, was not so weakened as Albert was by having held host to so much primordial light. So it may well be that Albert has fallen into a coma of sorts, and that left Ardbert to reawaken and take over.”

“So you think this is only temporary then?” Alphinaud asked.

“I think it’s possible, though Urianger may have his own ideas. Krile as well, for that matter.”

“Right then. Let’s not waste any time.” Thancred got to his feet. “The sooner we can set this to rights, the better.”

------

They’d left him in the Solar while discussing him elsewhere. He hardly blamed them for it. He wore their friend’s face but was a stranger. In their position he’d be doing the same. Not that it made the fact any easier to swallow.

Ardbert paced at first, but quickly realized the movement was only worsening his agitation, so he forced himself to sit on the floor and lean back against the desk instead.

After a few moments, he let his head fall back to thunk against the back and stared at the ceiling. The universe truly hated him. Every time he tried to do the right thing it seemed everyone else was punished for it. All of this was his fault. The Flood, his friends sacrificing themselves for his mistake only to later become Sin Eaters, and now Albert might be gone forever. He’d apparently used up all his good deed luck after rescuing Seto from his abusive owner.

I miss you, Seto.

He squeezed his eyes shut against the sting of tears and let out a shuddery breath. “Gods.”

“Which ones?”

Ardbert raised his head to see that Krile had somehow entered without him hearing the door.

“Which ones?” She repeated when he didn’t respond. “Yours or ours?”

Ardbert exhaled heavily and shook his head. “Does it matter? None of them are listening.”

She gave him a crooked smile as she approached. “This hasn’t been a good day for you so far, has it?” She chuckled softly at his incredulous look. “Yes, I suppose the answer is rather obvious but I thought I’d ask.”

Ardbert let his head fall back again and thought sardonically that at least she wasn’t treating him like the others had, though he jerked upright when she prodded him.

“So, Arbert is it?” She asked. “The Warrior of Darkness who was terrorizing the Beastmen and provoking them to summon ever stronger Primals?”

Ardbert put a hand to his face and exhaled heavily. “Ar d bert.” He corrected. “Arbert was just a daft alias. But yes, that was me.” He really didn’t want to talk about that, the least reason being it being a century removed from his memory. His next exhalation was a lot more shuddery. “What’s going to happen to me?”

“The others are discussing that.” Krile admitted. “Y’shtola still isn’t quite convinced you aren’t an Ascian, and the fact Albert was fine when he bid us goodnight yesterday isn’t working in your favor, but I thought I’d come and see for myself.”

Ardbert closed his eyes. “I didn’t ask for this, I didn’t want this, but I might as well be. That snake Elidibus made us like them, and my friends had to give up their souls because of my mistake anyway. What did we accomplish? Very bloody little! They stopped the Flood, but it didn’t fix anything! Albert was the one who fixed it! He deserves to have his life! He deserves to carry on! Why am I here?! Why do I keep--!” He broke off with a sob.

The next thing he knew, Krile was hugging his head. “Here now.” She soothed. “It will be alright.”

If only that was so, but the hug broke something in him and his hand dropped from his face as he began to cry in earnest. When was the last time he’d felt touch, let alone a gesture offered in kindness?

He resisted the urge to hug her, Lamitt at least would have found it insulting to be grabbed that way, and kept his hands on his lap while his body was wracked with sobs and Krile murmured soothing words he heard the tone of more than the words. He couldn’t have said how long it went on, but she held his head and petted his hair until he was spent and only then let go.

She offered him a watery smile when he looked at her before wiping her own eyes. “I know.” She said softly. “Or rather, I can imagine. I don’t know what you have of Albert’s memories, but he spoke of you as a dear friend while G’raha and I were working on sealing up the Crystal Tower.”

Ardbert wiped his face. “So saying those things was a test?” In spite of her comfort he felt a bit resentful of that.

Krile offered an apologetic smile. “Of a sort. I had to be sure you were who you said you were, but I can’t imagine any Ascian taking the act so far as to cry in my arms like that.”

Ardbert’s lips twisted bitterly, but he supposed in the end he couldn’t blame her for being suspicious.

She patted his arm. “I won’t tell the others about this private moment.” She assured him. “Only that I believe you. Wait just a bit longer.” She turned to go.

Ardbert watched her leave and waited for the door to shut before he hit the floor with the flat of his fist, just hard enough to smart. “Damn me.” He muttered miserably. Why was this his lot in life?

------

Y’shtola came striding in about half a bell later, followed by Krile, Urianger, and G’raha. Ardbert had actually begun to doze off from stress-induced exhaustion, but this time he heard the doors and jarred himself awake before scrambling to his feet, unwilling to face his fate on the floor.

“While we’ve determined you’re not an Ascian--the fact you’re still here being pretty clear evidence on its own, mind you--that still doesn’t answer the question of how this happened.” Y’shtola said, crossing her arms. “So do you remember anything amiss?”

Ardbert sighed softly and closed his eyes, obligingly trying to recall anything out of the ordinary from the night before. Finally he shook his head. “No. Nothing.”

“Nothing?” Y’shtola repeated. “Come now, this couldn’t have happened without any signs at all!”

He opened his eyes to look at her. “No. I mean there’s nothing. I couldn’t tell you what he had for dinner, or anything. There’s just a blank.”

Y’shtola’s arms came uncrossed as her expression shifted to alarmed. “What do you mean, ‘a blank’?”

“Just what I said. There’s nothing.” Ardbert spread his arms. “In fact, the last clear memory of Albert’s I have is just after G’raha--I mean the Exarch turned to crystal.”

G’raha’s ears twitched. “....Forgot my former title for a second there, did you?” He asked with dry humor.

“Maybe? It’s not as if you were fooling him when you didn’t do anything to disguise your voice.” Ardbert shrugged. “He knew who you were the whole time and was just humoring you, so he thought of you by your name.”

“Ahh….” G’raha’s ears sagged before he cleared his throat hastily. “Beyond the point! Are you sure that’s the last memory of his you have?”

“Everything after that feels….fragmented.” Ardbert brought a hand up to rub his temple gently. “I don’t know if he noticed, or if it happened suddenly or anything of that sort. I wasn’t….there to take note of anything recent until this morning.”

“What about your last memory then?” Krile asked. “Not counting today.”

“Saying my final goodbye to Seto.” Ardbert answered without any hesitation. “After that I….slept, I guess. Albert let me say goodbye, and that was the end of it. I didn’t have anything else to wish for.” He drew a breath in sharply and clenched his fist. “ I’m not supposed to be here, after all.”

“If memories alone whilst not suffice to solve this most perplexing of mysteries, I propose we adjourn to a more comfortable locale and conduct some tests.” Urianger spoke up.

“Heh. Succinct as always.” Ardbert murmured, and received an arched brow in reply. He just shook his head. “Right then. Lead on.”

------

The ‘comfortable locale’ in question turned out to be Albert’s room, which made sense from a familiarity standpoint. They even let Ardbert sit while they consulted with one another over who should be the one to try first.

“I’m at least somewhat familiar with souls from working with Beq Lugg.” G’raha finally pointed out.

“Hmm…” Y’shtola crossed her arms and frowned in thought before she tilted her head and gave him a smile. “Alright. I can’t deny it’s thanks to you and Beq Lugg that we got home safely, so you might just be the best one to call Albert back too.”

“Ahh, well I don’t know if we should go quite that far….” G’raha rubbed the back of his head. “But either way we might get some answers. With your permission, Ardbert?”

“Of course. I want to know how this happened just as much as you do.” His gaze however turned to Urianger before he closed his eyes and bowed his head. Was it Albert’s older memories that made his own so sharp? Or was it a body of flesh after a century of being unable to touch, to feel, to experience anything other than crushing loneliness?

“Urianger, you were there.” He murmured as he felt G’raha’s magics flowing over him. “I and the others. Our crystals, our cause….did we damn ourselves? Did I...am I really like an Ascian? Could I have….done this to Albert?”

Urianger didn’t speak at first, and Ardbert almost didn’t think he would. “Thine’s own concern speakth volumes.” He said at last. “As for thy soul’s similarity to that of an Ascian’s….for all its resilience, as we have ascertained, our souls are naught but a sliver of a greater whole. However this cameth to pass, I do not believe your small sliver of self could subsume the larger portion of Albert’s even so.”

“Heh...well I did ask.” It was comforting though, in a way.

No more words were exchanged then as G’raha continued to work, and Ardbert’s head only came up when he felt the magics cease.

“Damn….” G’raha shook his head, ears and tail drooped.

“What did you find?” Y’shtola asked.

“I’m not sure….but I don’t think I like it.” G’raha shook his head again. “It was like….wind whipped tatters, or frayed edges. Like a carpet or tapestry coming undone.”

“Gods be good.” Krile murmured. “What are we supposed to make of that ?!”

“Nothing good, I imagine.” Y’shtola scowled and glanced toward Ardbert. “But I bet his part of the tapestry is doing just fine.”

“......I’d venture to guess his presence is the only reason it all hasn’t come apart entirely.” G’raha murmured. “If I had known absorbing the Lightwarden’s power would do this, I would have found another way!”

“Would you have when you planned to sacrifice yourself to take it from him anyway?” Ardbert moved to stand, before he shook his head. “No, it wouldn’t have mattered. It needed to be done, and he did it. Like he always had, like he always did.” He huffed a sardonic laugh. “Because that’s what we do. Warriors of Light, Warriors of Darkness. Just titles people like you slap onto us, along with all your hopes and dreams. Look at where it gets us. Giving up our lives, giving up our souls ! Albert deserved better. But he didn’t care about himself. He didn’t do any of this for himself! He did it for everyone else. Everyone who was counting on him, be they here or on the First. He did what I couldn’t. He did what needed to be done.” His mouth twisted bitterly. ”One life for one world. Fair bargain, isn’t it?”

“If you’re quite done preaching to us, mayhaps you’d like to offer a solution instead.” Y’shtola snapped.

Ardbert shook his head. “If I had one, Id’ve said so. But I’m not the hero here. I’m just holding him together, apparently.”

“Beq Lugg.” G’raha said. “They may have some ideas.”

“True as that may be, we can’t exactly go to consult with them.” Y’shtola pointed out.

“Ardbert can.” G’raha replied. “Not only is the First his soul’s native home, but Albert’s soul still holds the key to the lock between our worlds.”

“And what’s to stop him from just running off?”

“I’m right here!” Ardbert growled.

Y’shtola turned to glare at him. “Well?”

His lip twitched in an aborted sneer, abruptly deciding he’d had quite enough of the distrust even if a very loud part of himself insisted he deserved it.

“Starting to think you’d deserve it if I did.” He said. “But no, because this isn’t about me. This is about Albert.” He shifted half a step forward, glaring fully at Y’shtola. “You can think ill of me all you want, but you don’t know me. I gave up everything to try and save my home, and it accomplished nothing. Albert’s the one who saved it, who….did everything right. I’ll do this for him, so he can continue his story.”

“Well! That settles that!” G’raha said with forced cheer. “I’ll just go pen the letter to Beq Lugg.” He swung on his heel to leave. Apparently deciding this was a wise course of action, Urianger and Krile also retreated, leaving Y’shtola and Ardbert to their glaring.

It was Y’shtola who looked away first, wrapping her arms around herself. “......I apologize.” She said softly. “I know I’m being unfair to you. Albert spoke of you as a friend, and to treat you as the enemy now does his faith in you a disservice.”

“....But you don’t know me.” Ardbert lowered his own voice in response to hers. “I know all of you so much better than any of you could ever know me. He’s not the only one who thought the other a friend.” He flexed his fingers. “He lent me his ear when he was the only one who could hear my voice. He gave me his faith and trust, his friendship. Even when he was scared, and dying to the light tearing him apart from the inside, he wouldn’t give up and rest. So when he finally fell. When he finally couldn’t do it anymore, I said we’d do it together….and we did. All I did was put him back together so he could finish the fight, and now he’s coming apart anyway. Don’t you see? I have to save him. If I don’t, what good am I? I’ve failed at everything else. I have to succeed at this!”

Y’shtola looked sidelong at him. “Of course I want Albert to be saved.” She said. “But if all you see yourself as is the sacrifice, then what was the point of your friendship? Albert clearly treasured you more than that, so to regard yourself as less you spit in the face of all that faith and trust he put in you. You insult him by saying you have no worth.”

Ardbert pursed his lips, but before he could think of a reply, Y’shtola swept from the room and left him alone.

------

Ardbert had made himself comfortable on the bed and was dozing when G’raha let himself in. He waited for Ardbert to rouse and sit up before holding not one, but two folded letters out to him. One was signed for Beq Lugg, but the other seemed to be for Lyna. Ardbert took them, then flapped the letter for Lyna back at him. “Am I the mail service now, kupo?”

G’raha chuckled softly, but then became serious. “I can only imagine how my--which is to say the Exarch’s entombment in crystal affected her. I’d like for her to have some closure, and some answers to questions she never asked but I’m sure she always wanted answers to. Would you deliver it to her?”

“It’s the least I can do, I suppose.” Ardbert agreed. “It’s nice to know someone around here doesn’t think I want to make off with Albert’s body.”

G’raha’s ears twitched. “Well he spoke of you with great fondness while Krile and I were sealing up the Tower. I almost felt like you were one of our own dear friends by the end of it, myself. He trusted you absolutely, so I couldn’t possibly do any less.”

Ardbert nodded slightly. “Hopefully Beq Lugg can help.”

“Well if anyone will know what to do, it’ll be them.” G’raha replied confidently.

“Yes, I know.” Ardbert stood and tucked the letters away. His expression was regretful as he moved to walk past. “I convinced them to help me and my companions remove ourselves from our bodies and fuel our souls from our Crystals of Light, after all.”

“Wh--Beq Lugg did talk as if they’d known you, but they’re the one who--”

“Yes.” Ardbert hastened himself out the door before being forced to elaborate, but was stopped short by a glowering Alisaie.

“So I’m told you’re making for the First are you?” She asked, arms crossed.

“Yes, but unless you have a letter you want me to deliver to someone I don’t think I’m interested.” Ardbert said wearily. It didn’t surprise him that Alisaie would be the other most hostile Scion, given both his own brief encounters with her and Albert’s memories to show him just how hot-headed she was, but he was getting so tired of all of it.

Alisaie responded by closing the distance, snapping her hand up to grab him by the ear and yank his head down, a motion which so startled him he just let her do it.

“Now listen here.” She snarled, but before she could continue he kicked her legs out from under her, which nearly took him down with her before she let go.

He put a hand over the injured ear and stepped back before she could catch her breath and launch any counterattacks. “I said not interested.” He pulled out Albert’s Warrior job crystal and slotted it in as if he’d done it a million times before even though job crystals hadn’t been a thing when he had been alive and he wasn’t even sure existed on the First. The armor changed automatically to a green version of Ardbert’s old armor and even a copy of Ardbert's old axe, because clearly Albert had good taste. With that, he turned to walk away.

“Get back here!” Alisaie pushed herself to her feet. “I’m talking to you!”

“Work on your definition of ‘talk’, then.” He heard the scuff of a boot, but then an exclamation of anger and a scuffle. He just kept walking. Once outside he took a few moments to figure out how to summon Albert’s chocobo, and soon set off for the way to the First. To hell with the naysayers. He wasn’t doing any of this for them.

Ch. 2

[heirsofdiscord]

[heirsofdiscord]

The Parting Glass

6/?

[heirsofdiscord]

This screenshot pretty much encapsulates the current spirit of my blog