#chain of thorns parody

[dayscrazed]

Chain of Thorns Countdown!

For each day leading up to the release of Chain of Thorns, I’ll be posting one song parody inspired by Rent!

13 days to go: “Out Tonight” POV- Matthew

12 days to go: “Will I?” POV- Jesse, James, Alastair, Matthew & Cordelia

11 days to go: “I’ll Cover You” POV- Lucie & Jesse

10 days to go: “One Song Glory” POV- Thomas & Alastair

9 days to go: “Take Me or Leave Me” POV- Anna & Ariadne

8 days to go: “I Should Tell You” POV- James & Cordelia

7 days to go: “Another Day” POV- Thomas & Alastair

Another Day

[ALASTAIR] Who do you think you are Caring a-bout me and all my scars Giant man, hey The door is that way You better go you know the fire is out anyway Take your tattoo Take your candle Your sweet whisper I just can't handle Well take your hair in the moonlight Hazel eyes goodbye, goodnight

I should tell you I should tell you I should, no

Another time Another place We’d be cleared of all crimes There'd be a long embrace We'd do another talk we’d both be okay Looking to unlock come back another day Another day

[THOMAS] My heart is strong But so is yours The pain will ease If we ensure There is no future There is no past Let’s live this moment as our last

There's only us There's only this Forget regret Or life is yours to miss No other road No other way No day but today

[ALASTAIR] Excuse me if I'm off track But if you're so wise Then tell me why did you get-attacked Take your bolas Take your insane dares Don’t forget get the moonlight out of your hair Long ago you might’ve lit up my heart But the fires dead and ain't never ever gonna start

Another time Another place The words would only rhyme We'd be on Paris dates We would get along Your friends and I, but they- You wanna prove me wrong Come back another day Another day

[THOMAS] There's only yes Only tonight We must let go To know what's right No other course No other way No day but today

[THOMAS (ALASTAIR)] I can't control (Control your secrets) My feelings (He doesn’t see) I trust my soul (Who says that there's a soul) My only goal Is just to be (Just let me be) There's only now (Who do you think you are) There's only here Give into love (Caring a-bout me) Or live in fear (And all my scars) No other past (Giant man, hey) No other way (The door is that way)

No day but today (The fires out anyway) No day but today (Take your tattoo) (Take your candle) No day but today (Take your hazel eyes, your pretty smile, your silhouette) No day but today (Another time, another place, another rhyme, a warm embrace) No day but today (Another dance, another way, another chance, another day) No day but today

[weyrwolfen]

Caveat Emptor: Chapter 3 - Suppressio Veri

Rating: T

Characters: Gen, Commanders Fox, Thorn, Thire, and Stone, Quinlan Vos, Coruscant Guard

Warnings: canon-typical violence; references to self-harm and suicidal thoughts, injuries, loss of autonomy

Previous chapters can be found here on Tumblr or here on Ao3

Fingers bit into CC-1010’s face, pulling him forward painfully to look directly into cruel, yellow eyes.

“Nala Se’s reports never mentioned anything about the implant degrading over time,” said a man’s voice, cold and dangerous, terrifyingly familiar.

The grip on CC-1010’s face tightened, fingers squeezing skin and muscle painfully against underlying bone. He did not move, did not protest, even though inside some part of him was screaming to fight, to run. To do anything instead of just stand there.

“What a pity,” the voice said, and the hand abruptly released CC-1010, then returned in a mocking parody of a fond pat on his cheek. “You’ve been my favorite tool, but don’t worry. When you’re all used up, I have three more just like you.”

“One of those had better be for me,” Fox said when he walked out of the shared commanders’ quarters, bucket tucked neatly under one arm, to find Thire waiting in ambush in the hallway with two thermal canteens in hand.

Thire snorted loudly enough for his external mics to engage, but he also, demonstrating commendable survival instincts, immediately held out one of the canteens and said, “They both are, I’ve already been awake for six hours.”

Perhaps there’d been a reason why Fox had promoted Thire after all. Even if he was often a complete pain in the shebs.

The barrack’s caf had a burnt, metallic aftertaste, but it was strong enough to wake the dead, which was exactly what Fox needed at that moment. He hadn’t slept particularly well, not that he ever did these days, and his oddly vivid nightmares had left him feeling particularly unsettled and distracted. Once he was awake and alert enough to get picky about his morning stimulants, he could always steal some better osik from one of the Senate breakrooms.

Once they reached the lifts, Fox was feeling mostly human enough to ask, “Sitrep?”

“The CSF is in a snit,” Thire said, pressing the button to call one of the lifts. “Apparently the Jedi confiscated several cultural artifacts from the Chancellor’s private rooms under SB 1468-28.”

The kriff? SB 1468-28 had to do with regulating imports and exports in Republic space. It had thousands of sections and subsections, covering everything from negotiating tariff rates to pages and pages of non-sentient species deemed too endangered to be legally traded. Not that Fox imagined that the Jedi would be risking setting off major political waves by publicly seizing something like a smuggled kanthra skin rug from the Chancellor of the Republic.

Former Chancellor of the Republic?

Kriff, it was going to be another karking long-shebs day with an unending chain of more of the same on the horizon. The caffeine couldn’t hit Fox’s system fast enough.

The lift finally arrived, and when Fox and Thire stepped inside, Thire hit the button for the hanger floor instead of the one which would have taken them to their offices. Straight back into the belly of the beast then.

“The CSF has determined that at some point after you left the Chancellor’s office, the door to his emergency turbolift was opened twice,” Thire said once the lift rattled to life.

Well, that explained why nobody had tried to arrest Fox yet. “Any leads on who?”

“No,” Thire answered, a little too quickly. Fox kept his suspicions to himself, but something cold coiled in the pit of his stomach. “It’s not even clear which side the door was accessed both times. Someone wiped the system with one of the Chancellor’s personal codes.”

Okay. That was slightly more unexpected. Fox had his own security access codes. He didn’t know the Chancellor’s, so CC-1010 shouldn’t either. Right?

Stop. Suspicions weren’t facts. He could suspect all he wanted; he didn’t know anything.

“The CSF is working the angle that the Chancellor himself opened the door, even though nobody has a working theory as to why,” Thire continued. “The Guard has been tasked with excluding other points of ingress from consideration.”

Of course. Of course, the CSF would try to ice the Guard out of the real investigation. Shabuire.

Except Thire knew the risks of this investigation getting out of the Guard’s hands as well as Fox did, but he wasn’t acting particularly concerned about being dismissed from the primary crime scene. And that had some significant implications.

Stop it. Stop speculating. Stop working the karking case.

Fox was compromised. His officers would tell him whatever was safe for him to know. He had to trust them on this, because there weren’t any guarantees that CC-1010 wouldn’t report everything that was done and said here back to kriff even knew who.

So Fox kept his questions behind his teeth and tried, with very limited success, to put them out of his mind as well.

The lift doors opened out onto the Guard’s hanger bay. Fox managed to not wince, but only just. There was something about the lighting in the space that always exacerbated his headaches. The pain tabs he’d downed before kitting up for the day weren’t quite doing their jobs, but Scav was firmly against upping the dose or changing the type of medication until it became absolutely unavoidable. Something about not wanting the Marshall Commander of the Guard to be wandering around the Senate, armed to the teeth while also tripping balls.

As if all of them didn’t already occasionally do their rounds, so strung out on stims that every light had rainbow-edged trails in their vision. It came with the long hours and the strill osik requests Senators often kicked their way, on top of their usual duties.

Thire passed by the larger gunships and troop transports, instead aiming for the smaller, two-man speeders. Picking the nearest one, he took the driver’s seat and fired up its engines, leaving Fox as the ride along. Probably wise.

“Where are we headed?” Fox finally asked, when the awkward silence in the speeder became unbearable. That at least seemed like a safe question to ask, seeing as he was about to find out anyway.

Thire’s bucket was unreadable, visor forward as he weaved through traffic, but he tapped his index finger against the steering yoke in obvious thought before saying, “We’re meeting up with Hound’s team. He thinks they’ve found something in the Chancellor’s emergency evacuation hanger.”

Okay.

Fox really wanted to ask for further information.

He did not.

He did, however, finish his first canteen of caf and start in on his second while Thire went through the extra security protocols of requesting and receiving permission to pass through the energy-shields that kept the general public well away from the Senate Dome’s extensive substructure. What little sense of humor the Senate Guards had previously exhibited had seemingly shriveled up and died in the midst of the current crisis. Thire had to repeat both of their designation numbers three times and submit their clearance codes twice before being granted entry.

The access portals were wide, dimly lit, and eerily empty. There should have been at least a few maintenance droids and work crews down here, monitoring the building’s infrastructure and performing minor repairs. The only sentients Fox saw as Thire guided their speeder through the twisting series of tunnels were his own men, patrolling the area on speeder bikes in teams of three. The Senate Guard must have shut everyone else out, including the small army of maintenance and support staff that kept the lights on and the water running for the entire Dome, because Fox sure as kriff hadn’t made that call.

That was going to cause problems down the line, from compromised utilities to Senators who could and would take any inconvenience as a personal slight.

Thire rounded a final corner and slowed to a hovering stop where a full squad of Coruscant Guards had set up a watch along one stretch of walkway lining the massive panels that made up the tunnels’ heavily-armored walls. A security request popped up on the speeder’s main terminal, and Thire entered his own codes in response.

The Guardsmen shifted to either side of one of the heavy wall panels, making room for one huge plate to rotate up towards the ceiling on artfully concealed magnetic hinges, revealing a set of heavy blast doors.

Once the doors lensed open, one of the troopers, Facet from the trooper’s unusually ornate rerebraces, waved them forward.

Thire guided the speeder through a series of similar blast doors, waiting in each of the connected room for the previous set to close and the next to open. They were kill boxes with concealed defenses mounted in the walls around them, but their exact specifications had been above even Fox’s high clearance level. Being at the mercy of an unknown, deadly automated system made the hair down the back of his neck prickle in instinctive unease.

And yet, he still somehow knew that the fourth room would be the last in the series.

Bright lights glinted off ornamental metals and red-paneled walls. The architecture of the hanger broadly matched the public-facing portions of the Chancellor’s office, all curving walls and gently ramping, carpeted walkways. It was large too, excessively so, given it only held a trio of sleek, custom speeders.

Fox screwed the cap back onto his second, half-empty canteen of caf and set it in the speeder’s center console. Then he fished his helmet out of the floorboards and pulled it on while Thire maneuvered the speeder over to a corner of the space where two guard transports were already docked.

The magnetics inside Fox’s helmet hissed as they engaged, and his HUD flickered to life. His light settings were lower than standard, his one sop to the headache which was still lingering behind his eyes. Once his HUD finished scrolling through its own internal system checks, he sent out a ping using his command overrides and received back answering data from the armor of any trooper in the immediate area.

Fox’s system picked up Facet and his men on guard outside the hanger’s concealed entrance and a few other scattered troopers patrolling the tunnels above and below his current position. Most of the signals came from Hound and his team, as expected.

Hound had brought two full squads to perform this investigation. Fox pulled up a three-dimensional rendering of the space and nodded slightly to himself in approval. The room’s exits, including all air-intake and ventilation shafts, were adequately covered, and the remaining troopers were canvassing the space in orderly, meticulous detail. Hound’s systems reported the presence of three massifs as well, but Fox only spotted two of them. Perhaps the other was with the four troopers who were beyond the hanger’s ornate double doors, no doubt checking out the emergency turbolift from this end of the system.

Hound himself was waiting next to his team’s transports, Grizzer alert and watchful at his side.

Thire made for the ARF trooper’s position and settled the speeder down with practiced ease. The doors of the passenger compartment swung upwards like especially ungainly avian wings.

When Fox stepped out of the vehicle, Grizzer barked a rumbling, chuffing sort of sound the massifs were trained to make whenever they spotted a target. Hound shared a brief look with Thire, obvious and weighted even through their visors, and then palmed a treat out of one of the pouches on his belt. He handed it to the massif, whose entire hindquarters wagged excitedly at the reward.

Fox certainly had some thoughts on that, but again, he kept them to himself.

“Sirs,” Hound said, giving Grizzer the hand signal to sit, which she did with an open-mouthed, razor-toothed grin. The ARF then snapped off a sharp salute, which Fox immediately waved away.

“You wanted to show me something?” he asked, trying to get this farce moving along.

“This way,” Hound said without any further preamble.

While one of the speeders berthed in the hanger was emblazoned with the Republic cog and the other ornate signs and trappings of office, the other two were aggressively plain. They both looked expensive, and a particularly knowledgeable observer would notice the armored panels and shield generators artfully worked into their designs. But neither would be immediately pegged as belonging to any specific one of the millions of wealthy sentients who were on planet at any given time. A few troopers were clustered around the speeder with the badges of office emblazoned on its side panels, scanning the interiors and taking holoimages. Hound guided them towards the second speeder, a dark gray model whose doors and trunk were already open.

Fox’s footsteps faltered, a wave of dread and expectation washing over him. Expectation of what, he couldn’t have said. The open trunk turned out to be completely empty.

“This speeder has been washed down with enzymatic cleaners and then an aggressive sanitizing agent very recently,” Hound said, gesturing vaguely towards the entire vehicle. “The navigation record and access logs were wiped with the same code used on the Chancellor’s turbolift.”

“Have you alerted the CSF?” Fox asked, looking down into the empty trunk. He kept expecting to see… something. He wasn’t sure what.

“Not yet, sir,” Hound said, and Fox looked up at the awkward hesitation in the ARF’s voice. “We were waiting for you to sign off on it.”

They should have notified the senior CSF agent assigned to the case immediately upon finding something this suspicious. The explanation for that breach of protocol occurred to Fox abruptly, and it was both unwelcome and nauseating.

His men were covering for him.

If I’m here when the CSF agents arrive, my biomarkers will be recorded for exclusion from any subsequent evidence logging.

Fox took one deep, steadying breath, forcing himself to remain outwardly calm even as his stomach churned.

“Comm them,” he said, and his voice sounded far steadier than he felt.

Hound nodded, glanced at Thire again, and then stepped back, fingers tapping over the controls on his vambrace.

On any other investigation, Fox would have taken a walk around the hanger, checking in with the rest of his troopers and taking their reports. This time, though, he couldn’t. He didn’t want to know what they were finding, or worse, what they’d been working to actively destroy. He didn’t know anything. He couldn’t. He suspected, but that was different.

He knew. He’d been here before, many times.

Not trusting himself to look anywhere else, Fox turned his attention back down to the speeder’s empty trunk. The bare, overlarge space was strange, in comparison to all of the other civilian speeders he’d ever seen. Even their own transports had some kind of traction matting in the back, hard to clean, but good for keeping equipment from sliding around in transit.

…Really, it seemed designed for easy cleanup: smooth surfaces and curved edges, with no corners or textures where a drop of blood or a stray hair could hide.

That was why CC-1010 had been ordered to use this speeder, instead of the less customized model. The first time he’d been activated, his orders had been very specific. Which speeder he should use, which tunnels to avoid, where to dispose of the bodies, and how to clean up his tracks, both literal and digital. And then to forget until he was activated once again. The memories resurfaced for his second mission, and his third, and after a while the specifics just became part of his standard operating procedure, only noteworthy if some facet of them needed to be altered.

CC-1010 had always followed his orders to the letter. Even when those orders didn’t make any sense. Even when they stood in direct opposition to the public statements made by his Master. Even when they directly violated Republic laws governing the ethical treatment of enemy combatants and civilian noncombatants.

Even when CC-1010 was entirely certain that what his Master had said was not what he had intended.

Good soldiers followed orders, and CC-1010 was an excellent soldier.

All of his trainers had said so. He’d been the best, especially in his close quarters combat and stealth modules. And hadn’t his Master deserved the best?

He had. He had deserved someone like CC-1010, who would carry out his words to the letter, meticulously destroy any evidence, and then forget the details.

He had deserved CC-1010…

“Fox?”

…His mission was complete though. He had followed his SOP and reported back to his office. He had set the memory aside, until the next time.

Except now he was remembering, and no one had activated him.

He should remember that, shouldn’t he? He always had before…

“Fox?” Thire asked again, sounding concerned.

…That was CC-4477. His concern was noted, but not necessary. CC-1010 had completed his mission. This was just an aberration. All he needed to do now was forget…

“CC-1010?” Thire asked carefully. Except that was wrong too, wasn’t it? They never used their designation numbers amongst themselves. Only when…

…Forget…

“CC-1010, what do you require to complete your mission?” Thire asked, following the prescribed script. Only someone very close to him would have noticed the tension humming under his voice.

Fox heard it. Fox held onto it.

…Forg–

Fox sucked in a gasping lungful of air. Memories trickled through his grasp, falling away like grains of sand, but some of them stuck this time.

A few, and none he ever wanted.

He’d killed people. He was pretty certain he’d killed a lot of people, civilians, and he couldn’t even remember any names, or faces, or why.

Karking Sith-damned hells, his head hurt.

Fox bent double, struggling to remove his helmet. He needed to breathe. He couldn’t…

“Kriff, no,” Thire said, catching him before Fox could fully collapse onto the floor. “We can’t do this here,” he whispered desperately. “Just breathe slowly, in through your nose and out through your mouth. Can you do that with me?”

Fox wasn’t about to risk nodding, but he could follow orders. He was good at that, right?

The strangled noise he made could have been described as a laugh, but it had only the most passing familiarity with anything resembling humor.

“Fox, I’m serious. The CSF shabuire are going to be here any second. I need you to get your osik together and breathe with me.”

Fox shut his eyes and breathed.

“I need to get to Scav,” he finally said, when he was able to straighten back up without feeling like his entire head was going to crack open and leak his brains out all over the hanger bay floor.

His nose wasn’t bleeding. That was surprising.

“You need to stand your shebs right here until the CSF agents sign you out,” Thire said, getting one hand up under Fox’s elbow to take up at least some of his weight. Thire gestured to someone off to the left, Fox didn’t think it was wise to turn his head at that moment to see who.

Hound came into his direct line of sight. “They’re taking the lift down,” he said grimly. “There’s a general coming with them.”

“Who?” Thire asked, before Fox could swallow down the taste of bile enough to do the same.

“They didn’t say.”

“Fox, are you going to be able to do this?” Thire asked, quiet enough to not carry beyond the three of them.

“Not like I have much of a choice,” Fox said, pulling himself out of Thire’s grip. His vision blurred for a moment, but it was worth it to get his helmet back on. The tinted visor and plastoid plate made it so much easier to hide any number of sins.

Thire gave him a dubious look, which Fox did not dignify with a response.

There was a trick to marching that made it possible to walk in a straight line with minimal jostling. Kriffing convenient piece of intel to have, if you were overly tired, or drunk, or strung out on stims, or about to have to report to a kriffing Jedi while your brains felt like they were being rendered down into nutripaste. You just had to look straight ahead, keep your knees a little bent, and roll your weight from your heel, along the outer edge of your foot, to the ball. Easy. They’d done it enough on Kamino, exhausted, beat to osik by one trainer or another, and running on nothing but a heady blend of pride and fear.

Fox made it into formation just in time to see the doors swing open. He didn’t stumble once. He didn’t even puke into his shiny, new filters. Mags would be so pleased.

The CSF agents were dressed out in full protective gear this time, white coveralls with full facemasks and hoods, like they were expecting some kind of hazmat exposure. Fox couldn’t see their faces, but he’d spent essentially his entire life reading the body language of armored sentients. Every single one of them looked tense, and a few were angry.

The General wasn’t wearing a single piece of protective clothing, just a set of dark, sleeveless robes and knee-high boots. No foot coverings, no mask, no gloves, and if his expression and bearing were to be believed, no cares in the galaxy.

Kriff, it was the same Jedi from before, the one who’d brought the clearance flimsiwork to General Windu. Fox had asked Thorn to sic some of their slicers on the man, but all they’d been able to glean from the Temple’s public-facing servers was a name: Quinlan Vos.

Great. Just great. Because dealing with a General and a Jedi wasn’t enough, without adding ‘probable covert ops agent’ into the mix.

Fox breathed and did not allow his knees to buckle.

The General spotted them immediately, and made his way down the tastefully lit, carpeted stairs with a bounce in his step. “Commanders,” he said with a grin that struck Fox at utterly false.

Fox saluted. Given the creak of armor he heard behind him, Thire and Hound had done the same. “General Vos,” he said, and his voice didn’t falter in the slightest.

Vos waved one hand casually, dismissing the salute. “I’m not a general,” he said airily. “Never was assigned a battalion, something about not being able to keep my own life in order, much less the lives of several thousand troopers.” Aching, dizzy, and nauseous, and Fox still picked up on the fact that almost everything the man had just said was a flagrant lie. “You can call me Quinlan.”

Like hells.

“General Vos–” Fox tried again, but was immediately interrupted.

“How about just Vos?” the Jedi said, extending a bare hand in a common natborn greeting.

It would be rude to not take it – Fox had learned that within hours of arriving on Coruscant – but something still made him hesitate.

Kriff his head hurt.

“Master Vos,” Fox compromised, taking the man’s hand and not his wrist, like he might have with one of his brothers.

Something in the Jedi’s expression flickered, dimming the welcoming grin he’d been wearing like a mask.

“Are you hurt?” he asked, grip tightening momentarily around Fox’s gauntlet.

Because of course, a Jedi would sense something wrong with him. Of kriffing course.

Well, he couldn’t exactly say that he was perfectly fine. That would draw even more suspicion. “A training accident,” Fox said blandly, matching the Jedi lie for smoothly delivered lie. “Nothing a rest shift won’t cure.”

Vos’s eyes narrowed speculatively, and he said, “Uh huh,” in a very dubious tone of voice. “Well, I was told you fine gentlemen found something interesting. Care to fill me in?”

Fox gestured smoothly to his left, managing not to jostle himself too much, and said, “My sergeant and his men made the discovery, so please allow me to defer to him, for this briefing.”

“Defer away,” Vos said, dialing back up the charm. “What name would you prefer I call you, trooper?”

“Hound, sir,” the ARF trooper finally replied very stiffly.

“Hound, right.” The Jedi then hunkered down and extended a hand again, this time to Grizzer. “And who’s this sweet girl?”

Karking hells, like that wasn’t the fastest way to get Hound to warm up to him. This Vos kriffer was slick, and Fox was not happy about that kind of expert manipulation being directed towards his men.

“She bites,” Fox said in warning.

“No, she doesn’t,” Hound immediately corrected, sounding offended. “Not unless I ask her to.”

Kriffing Sith-damned hells, Hound. Fox wanted to grab the sergeant by the spaulders and shake him.

Instead, he let Thire steer him away from the conversation.

“Hound has this,” Thire said quietly, over a private comm line.

“He’d better,” Fox grumbled.

He was cleared rapidly, by the CSF agent who had been tasked with collecting prints and biological samples from all of the troopers present in the hanger. All of his data were already on file, from his previous visit to the Chancellor’s office. Thire managed to find an out of the way corner to sit and recover, while the rest of their men were cleared.

He was almost back down to baseline when General Vos managed to find him.

“Sit,” the Jedi said, when Fox started to rise to salute. “You look like shit.”

“I assure you, I am more than capable of performing my duty,” Fox said, every instinct screaming to conceal the extent of his debilitation.

“Sit anyway, this won’t take more than a second,” the Jedi said, dropping down casually on the padded bench next to Fox. “I’m just curious about something.”

“I will endeavor to assist you in any way I can,” Fox lied again, casually enough to sound earnest.

The General arched one eyebrow, but did not comment about whatever suspicions he had. Instead he leaned back and rested his hands on his thighs. They were gloved again, but not with the blue, sterile ones the CSF agents had been handing out. They were black leather, and Fox abruptly remembered the incident in the Chancellor’s office with the mystery item concealed in the desk.

Something about needing bare hands, to make his Force osik work correctly.

Fox went suddenly cold with fear.

“As I said, I haven’t ever been assigned a battalion,” Vos finally said as if nothing were amiss. “So I don’t have much experience working with clones. So, I don’t know if this question might be…,” he paused, obviously considering his next words carefully. “Culturally sensitive,” he finally said.

Fox’s heart was pounding in his chest, but the pain in his head had settled back down to a dull roar. Manageable enough that he could keep his full wits about him at least. “It is our duty and our honor to serve the Republic and the Jedi,” Fox said, reciting the correct response with an ease borne of long practice. “I would be happy to answer any question you have, even those of a personal nature.”

Something about his reply made the General pause, and Fox couldn’t help but curse to himself in the safety of his own head. This was exactly the kind of scrutiny he’d been trying to avoid with General Windu. Would he be able to feel it if the Jedi started digging around in his mind?

Would Fox know it was happening at all?

“Alright,” Vos finally said with a slow nod. “With the customizations, I would assume that your armor is important to all of you. Personally.”

“Yes, sir,” Fox replied, because it was hardly something that could be easily denied, but he also didn’t elaborate on the subject. That would be too dangerous. While the Guard personalized their gear less than some of the other battalions, they all still added flourishes here and there. Little reminders that they were still people, still individuals, beneath the strict protocols and the rigid formality the Senate demanded of its possessions.

But instead of hammering at this minimal departure from regulations as other natborns had done before him, General Vos just asked, “Would a clone trooper ever loan someone else his set of armor?”

That caught Fox a little flat footed. Yes, a clone might gift a single piece of plate, and no, Fox was not about to explain the cultural traditions regarding such an exchange. But an entire set of armor? That was easy enough to answer. “No,” he said firmly.

Whatever reply Vos had been expecting, that obviously hadn’t been it. “No?” he repeated, but it must not have been a serious question, because he didn’t wait for a response before saying, “Interesting.”

Thire, appeared around the landing gear of the Guard transport, slowing awkwardly when he spotted exactly who was speaking with Fox.

“Commander,” Vos said, turning to address Thire with another warm, fake smile. “What can we do for you?”

Thire stiffened, but his voice was smooth and professional when he answered, “The CSF has taken down everyone’s biometrics. They are asking us to clear out of the hanger.”

“Typical,” General Vos said with enough honest sarcasm that Fox had to choke back a sardonic snort of agreement. The Jedi rose to his feet and dusted his hands absently on his thighs. “Commanders, it’s been a pleasure,” he finally said, smiling at them both in turn. “I look forward to working with you in the future.”

Like hells.

The machine hummed loudly, and lights flashed on the other side of Fox’s closed eyelids. Pumped full of Scav’s latest cocktail of meds, neither the sound nor the lights were actively painful. But being inside of a medical scanner always made Fox feel uncomfortable. Trapped. It was easier to just close his eyes and try to not think about it.

Finally, the machine whirred to a stop, and the thinly padded gurney Fox was lying on slid out of the scanner.

He opened his eyes to find Scav scowling down at him.

“Something’s definitely wrong,” his CMO said, sounding personally offended by the whole situation.

“Anything more specific than that?” Fox asked dryly. It wasn’t like Scav to be this vague about medical diagnoses.

“No, our scanners are too osik’la to get an accurate reading on whatever’s going on in there,” Scav said, taking hold of Fox’s opposing arm and helping him sit up.

‘In your kriffed up, defective brain,’ Scav meant, even if he didn’t say it out loud.

Maybe they should have sent him back to Kamino, to let the longnecks pick him apart.

Maybe he should have eaten a blaster bolt and saved his brothers all of this trouble.

Except…

I have three more just like you.

It hadn’t been a dream, just like whatever had happened in the Chancellor’s hanger hadn’t been a hallucination.

And Scav hadn’t even batted an eye when Fox had laid out all of his suspicions in the medic’s small office.

“I’m working on it,” Scav finally said.

Fox eyed his armor, which was stacked against the far wall of the exam room. He had osik he needed to be doing. The Senate was in an uproar. Mas Amedda might hold to the exact same political beliefs as Chancellor Palpatine, but he had far less charm and far fewer allies who owed him personal favors. Apparently he’d said the wrong thing to the wrong mid-Rim Senator during the morning’s open floor debate on an upcoming resource allocation bill, and suddenly everyone was remembering that none of them had actually voted for him to fill the political position he currently held.

The fighting hadn’t even slowed down when the acting Chancellor attempted to call for a brief recess for midmeal. Last Fox heard, aides had started bringing catered meals right out to the Senate pods so their delegates could keep screaming at one another, which was putting a massive strain on the security checkpoints that were trying to scan every box for explosives and toxins.

Stone was keeping a lid on things, but he needed all of the support he could get. Assuming Fox could keep his osik together long enough to actually be of some use.

“Scav?” Fox said as he slid off of the gurney. When his CMO looked up from his ‘pad to glare at him, Fox went ahead and tempted the gods, little and great, by saying, “Work faster.”

AN: If anyone else wants me to tag them as this gets updated, please just let me know. @tazmbc1

[thealmightyemprex]

10 Favorite David Warner roles

David Warner is a prolific character actor .....Very prolific ....In that he has done like a million things ,so this was a hard list to do (Had to leave out Gargoyles and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2 the Secret of the Ooze )

Dillinger,Sark and the MCP from Tron 

Triple the Warner as the three villains of the piece:He is a corrupt corporate executive ,the films heavy and provides the voice of the films big bad .I adore this movie a lot  and Warners three baddies are a reason why  

 Evil from Time Bandits

This was my first exposure to Warner ,where he basically plays the devil .An evil genius obsessed with technology manipulating the heroes so he can get his hands on their map so he can remake the universe .This maybe my favorite villain role of his (At the very least tied with Time After Time.....Both of which are time travel films I just realized....A genre I am not a fan of  ....Hmm....ALL TIME TRAVEL MOVIES NEED DAVID WARNER ),he strikes a good balance of being menacing and hilarious 

Jack the Ripper in Time After Time 

So this is tied as my favorite Warner role,while also being my absulute favorite Warner movie .This movie has the best premise ever:HG Welles travels to the 70′s to catch Jack the Ripper ,with Malcolm Mcdowall as Welles and David Warner as the Ripper .Warner is fantastic with his stand out scene being a confrontation in a hotel room where he tears down Welles idea of a utopic future ,and how the Ripper fits right in with the brutality of the 70′s 

Gul Madred  from Star Trek The Next Generation

Warner is no stranger to Trek,habving a very minor role in Star Trek V The Final Frontier ,and a bigger role as Gorkon in Star Trek VI The Undiscovered Country,but his best role is as this Cardassian interrogator in the Next Generation  two parter Chain of Command,where he is one of the best villains in the whole show 

Ra’s Al Ghul from Batman the Animated Series ,Superman the animated series and Batman Beyond 

While the Joker maybe Batmans nemesis argubly his biggest bad is Ra’s Al Ghul ,played perfectly by David Warner .He is an immortal eco terrorist with a respect for the caped crusader .When Ra’s shows up the stakes are high   ,and Warner’s voice  just gives the character the power and dignity  he deserves.....Plus I just love the way he says “detective “

The Lobe from Freakazoid

The funniest David Warner has ever been .Freakazoid loves taking well known actors and having them say and do rediculous things ,and Warner is no exception .Lobe at first seems like a standard evil mad scientist ,but also is extremly friendly to Freakazoid and kind neurotic .My favorite Lobe moments are when her performs a parody of Hello Dolly and a point where he is defeated cause Freakazoid calls his plan dumb....To which he breaks down sobbing and appologizing for wasting everyones time with how garbage his plan was 

Nergal from the Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy 

So he only played this character for three episodes,Martin Jarvis taking over for the rest of the series......And all respect to Jarvis,Warner plays him better .A monster who is desperately lonely  and is very aggressive in his attempts to make new friends.Character kind of lost steam after Warner was replaced 

Bob Cratchit in A Christmas  Carol 

A surprising role from Warner.Dude plays a lot of villains,and here he is as sympathetic family man Bob Cratchit ,and is honestly one of the best versions of Bob I have seen 

Keith Jennings  from The Omen

This is one of my favorite horror movies and Warner is wonderful as the photographer sidekick to Geregory Pecks character Robert Thorn ,as they investigate the truth behind  Roberts son ,Damian .It’s just cool watching these two investigate things together 

Lysander from A Midsumers  Night Dream

This is one of the best Shakespeare movies I have seen ,it’s incredibly funny  and part of that is the cast ,including Warner who is apart of a love square with Helen Mirren,Diana Rigg ,and Michael Jayston 

@amalthea9​ @cinefantastiquemitho​

[ambidextrousarcher]

Sarcastic StarBharat Reviews-Episode 22: In which horny deer rishis set off a chain of events.

Hello everyone! I’m back after a VERY long hiatus, had some real life issues to deal with, along with the aggravation of changing an url and some online drama too. And I’m right in time for Diwali, too, yay! Happy Diwali, people! Also Happy Children’s day!

Tagging my usual taglist: @ambitiousandcunning @medhasree @shaonharryandpannisim @hermioneaubreymiachase @hindumyththoughts @chaanv @ratnas-musings @whydoyoucareaboutmyusername @justahappyreindeer @milesbianmorales @allegoriesinmediasres @pratigyakrishnaki @iamnotthat @adishaktis @ratnas-musings. Enjoy your day, everyone!

Review is under the cut.

PS: Nila updates- The Sarcastic StarBharat review of episode 18 is missing from my blog for some reason, I’ll reupload it. Also, for anyone who’s listening to my song covers, the next items are Karam Ki Talwar from Arjun the Warrior Prince, Moh Moh Ke Dhage from Dum Laga Ke Haisha and Jo Beji Thi Dua, from Shangai.

 Okay. Rehash is in order, along with some new nicknames. Till the last episode, Madri has reached Hastinapur, the precap of the last episode makes it clear that this is the episode with horny deer rishis.

I had made a numbering mistake in counting the number of canon fails, my bad, so, as of now, we’re at canon fail #49.

Here’s the nickname rehash and additions to be made-

1. Bhishm-Mr. Paragon of Perfection

2. Dhritrashtra- Mr. Drama Queen (Honorary mention-DisasterRashtra, courtesy of @iamnotthat)

3. Pandu-Honey Boy/Lord of Cheesy Lines

4. Gandhari-Ms. Always Patnidharma

5. Shakuni-Mr. Ominous Music/Mr. Annoying Poseur

6. Karn-Mr. Glitterwash

7. Kunti-Ms. Melodrama/Lady of Cheesy Lines

8. Amba (deceased)-Psycho Princess

9. Satyavati-Psycho Mum

10. Vichitraveerya (deceased)-Drunk Kid

Here are the new additions:

11. Vidur (finally)- Picking the line where he likens himself to a thorn during Pandu’s coronation, he’s Mr. Weepy Thorn.

12. Madri-Ms. Smarmy Tears

13. Krishn-(Parody version, anyway, also, FINALLY) Mr. Excess Gyaandaan.

Now, let’s get to business.

Alright, so, last episode, Gandhari was told that Drama Queen wants her in his chambers. Being the aadarsh, Ms. Always Patnidharma that she is, she goes immediately, and that’s where today’s episode of choice begins.

She stumbles in and stutters out her usual ‘Husband?’ (International viewers, please note, Hotstar has rolled out the English subtitles for your most unfavorite show. It translates ‘Arya’ as Lord, but I’m keeping the ‘husband’ variation, because no.)

Anyway. He shushes her. ‘Don’t say anything, Gandhari, just listen. The mind is so weird, isn’t it?’ Okay…why this sudden volte face? Ah, he’s trying to apologise, I guess? He says that he was absorbed in his negative emotions of hurt, grief and jealousy, but when no news of Honey Boy came from the battlefield, he realized that he still worries and cares for his little brother, and that he was merely unfortunate, not conspired against, concluding that he was unjust to Honey Boy. O…kay? Should I count this as a canon fail? Canon Dhritrashtra can be two-faced, so eh, leave it.

Ms. Patnidharma is shaking her head next to him, because of course, she’s that much of a doormat. ‘I was unfair to you too. I had rejected you, Gandhari, but if I realise my mistake, will you accept me?’ Ah. I see what this is. Anvil-shadowing. Just before Pandu ‘loses’ his ability to ‘be a husband’ Drama Queen and Patnidharma make up with each other. Newsflash, writers: Nothing is this clean cut.

Of course, that was precisely the opening Ms. Patnidharma was waiting for, so she feels her husband up as they hug. Drama Queen’s heart, apparently, very anomalously, is overflowing with happiness, now that he has unloaded his weakness onto Patnidharma, or so he says. Don’t believe him, though, don’t be the naïve idiot Patnidharma is, because that weakness of his wreaks bloody wrecking ball havoc in the future.  

‘So what if I don’t become the King?’ Excuse me. I just choked on my water. What’s up with this volte-face? Just what? ‘I have more respect here than the King himself!’ I think I’m gonna count this as canon fail #50 because nah, he ain’t gonna say this in any adaptation that’s sane. And of course, since he’s randy too, it seems, he goes ‘When you give me a son, he’ll be the eldest son and King after Pandu. I’ll also get the pleasure of being a King. Will you give me the gift of such a talented son?’ Ah. So that’s what the volte-face is for. Canon fail #50 cancelled. Drama Queen would say anything at all to get his way, that’s right. Patnidharma, predictably, goes all gushy. ‘Yes, husband, for your sake, I’ll go to the portals of Yamlok themselves!’ Ah, sheesh, sometimes, watching this show makes me think that I should projectile-yeet myself to Yamlok.

He laughs. ‘When the time comes,’ he says, ‘we’ll go to the portals of death together, Gandhari.’ Well, that, at least, is true. He continues that they still have many happy moments to experience. She nods, melting into his embrace.

Scene changes to a green vista, the whickering of horses heard. Madri, henceforth known as Ms. Smarmy Tears, is laughing, Ms. Melodrama being stony faced and stoic. (That’s a change, though the music manages to make even THAT dramatic) The camera focuses on a deer, and Smarmy asks Honey Boy to stop, because it’s a beautiful deer. Okay…I know what’s coming up next. Anvil-shadowing, anyone? I realise it was very long ago when we were introduced to Ms. Melodrama, but I’ll give you a short rehash. She was introduced saving a deer from hunters. Anyone got the hint? It’s an obvious ‘Madri is an evil witch!’ gambit. Please do not take it. I know that in canon, Kunti and Madri probably had a fractious relationship given the whole fracas over the boon, but I refuse to believe Madri would be this transparently biatch-y.

And…bingo! Smarmy says that the deer is absolutely unique, and follows it up with a request for its skin. Melodrama, of course, is having none of it. She passionately launches into defence of the deer’s children who’d be orphaned, basically echoing her very first piece of dialogue on this show. Do you think there’s a chance that they dubbed it in? I mean…I wouldn’t be able to say that twice with a straight face. But, whatever gives, I guess. Fawn get orphaned often, goes Smarmy. It’s not like I’m asking you for the position of the Queen, can’t you do this much for me? Since StarB has a thing of making women either bitches or doormat ditches, its Honey Boy who cuts in. ‘Speak of good things alone.’ Did this guy get a theology class between the ‘war’ and this moment? ‘I’ll get the deer for you, the rest of you please stay here.’ And then the show takes yet another opportunity to set Melodrama as good and Smarmy as bad, as Melodrama tries to give Smarmy a moral lesson about abstaining from killing for no reason, and Smarmy going all casteist (not sure if that’s the right word, since afaik Kunti’s maternal family are also Kshatriyas? Yadava is not one family. It’s an entire dynasty.) And here’s canon fail #50 and #51. #50 is the fact that Pandu, in canon, hunts the deer because he wants to. Madri has nothing to do with it in the text. #51 because the jibe about Yadavs being shepherds that Madri makes smacks of a misconception about politics in the MBH. The idea of ‘Yadavas’ being shepherds is present because of the lore of Krishn and Balaram in Gokul. While I’m sure there might be some branches of the family that may dabble in those pursuits, typically, considering the social structure of that time, Kunti’s family is of quite royal pedigree.

The scene switches to Honey Boy looking for deer, listening attentively to the rustling leaves. Really, this question goes for canon too, haven’t these guys learnt a thing at all from the whole Dashrath/Sravan Kumar fracas? That it is TOTALLY not a good idea to just randomly shoot in a random forest, anyone? At least sight the prey a little, no?

Regardless, he shoots an arrow, the tell-tale thunk is heard, followed by a human scream (the typically serial-ish ‘nahi, nahi!’ aka ‘no, no!’). Alarmed, he sets off in pursuit of the sound. The camera focuses on a bloody arrow then showing us a rishi and a rishin. ‘Maharishi Kidam?’ exclaims Pandu. ‘It was you?’ ‘What have you done? You shot an arrow without recognizing me! I was dallying (read: deer hanky-panky-ing) with my wife in the form of a deer, and you shot an arrow without considering that the grace and the form of the deer could only mean it is such?’ Okay, for all that I want to call this canon fail #52, I’ll be honest…because such a scene, at least one of Pandu killing Kidama when he’s in sexual congress with his wife in the form of a deer does happen. Sometimes, *sigh* canon itself is quite strange.

But…in the whole of this thing, I have an observation to make, a few questions to ask, in the context of this serial:

1. Madri saw only one deer? What was the deer rishi doing, a deer mating ritual of some sort? Where was the wife then?

2. Does what he said mean that there might be…other rishis doing deer hanky panky?

3. Kidama was a rishi, right? He’d have figured out Pandu wants the ‘deer’ when he saw them and vanished? He could have, IDK, sprinted off real quick, or turned back into human, or just vanished once more. Why escalate it this much?

Honey Boy is very contrite and begs for forgiveness. Canon fail #53. In canon, he basically goes, well, Kings hunt deer, why cry about it? (That is, the dialogue given to Madri to establish her as ‘bad’)  The deer rishi brings up the Dashrath point I gave above and says that Honey Boy’s crime can’t be pardoned, that he shouldn’t have killed a man in congress with his wife, so he curses him that he’ll die the moment he’ll have congress with any woman. Canon fail #54. The original curse specifies ‘his loved one’ not any random woman.

Cue dramatic panoramic shot and dramatic title bgm. Honey Boy is in tears. The rishi dies.

Scene changes and we’re back in Hastina, where the court fool is entering. He says he has a lot of questions. Mr. Weepy Thorn prompts him to ask his questions. So there’s this long drawn out riddle session that’s set up to predict that Gandhari is pregnant, and Drama Queen will be experiencing the love of a son soon. There’s happiness all round, lots of hugs too. Of course, this show takes no rest from anvil shadowing either, so exactly at this moment enters Honey Boy with his wives. Honey Boy is welcomed with joy and immediately apprised of the news. In his head, the dying deer rishi’s words echo, even as his wives smile by his side. (Ah, apparently, there’s anvil juxtaposition, too! Whee!)

Anyway. Satyavati notices he ain’t looking happy and she asks him if he got what she said. He manages to sponge her off, hug his brother and congratulate him. When he does that, Annoying Poseur closes his eye.

As he ascends the throne, deer rishi’s words come back to him, asking what kind of a King he is. Honey Boy refrains from climbing the final stair, turning. He says that he has something of great importance to announce, confessing that he has killed Kidama and is no longer worthy of being a King.

His announcement is met with shock all around, as he renounces the throne of Hastina. Cue dramatic title bgm again. Camera focuses on Satyavati (who’s quite less psycho nowadays), then panning one by one to Drama Queen, Paragon of Perfection, Smarmy, Melodrama, Patnidharma, Ambika, Ambalika, a grinning Poseur (both eyes open), back to Honey boy and Mr. Paragon as he drops his angvastr limply.

Scene changes as Mr. Perfection walks inside Honey Boy’s chambers and they have an argument about his responsibilities. Honey Boy puts forward that for all that Satyavati wants a worthy King, he is no longer worthy, that even Indra renounced heaven for the killing of a sage and meditated for eons, that mere charity and abstinence as suggested by Mr. Thorn and Kripacharya won’t be enough. He continues that the duty of a King, the man who holds the royal scepter is to dispense justice to his people. He asks who would mete justice out on a King? The camera pans out to Mr. Perfection, standing mute, ending the episode.

Alright, this whole thing is canon fail #55. Pandu does not go back to Hastina, he sets out immediately to atone. Also #56, his wives know everything as he does. He doesn’t keep it hidden from them.

Precap: ‘But the crime was ours’ says Smarmy. ‘the punishment, however, has to be borne by our yet unborn children!’ ‘You can’t ever have children.’ Announces Honey Boy, going on to inform them of the curse.

[firespirited]

two gripes about tumblr posts I saw today (not by mutuals, while browsing)

one said something like “I wouldn’t trust someone who changed their name anyway” and it was a thinly veiled anti trans thing but wtf

probably said this before but granddad used to get mail addressed to Arthur, Jack and John. His birthname was Arthur, middle name John but went by Jack during childhood, his army days and at work... then he met Nanny who already had a high personality brother called Jack who was THE jack so he switched to John. My grandmother and most of her sisters all changed names to their middle names when they left home as well as switching to classic english instead of the mix of regional english with a strong accent and old anglosaxon dialect. (Turns out their dad also straight up changed their last name when his dad, uncle and him joined the ‘community’). Their old fashioned names belied their culty upbringing and farmer class. I have a whole side of the family with nicknames as they’re David Joneses. Half my friends use a english or french version of their name or a shortened/simplified version because it’s easier than having people mis-pronounce it or stumble on it. I don’t use Ruth except at home because ‘thorn’ sound doesn’t exist in french or german or half a dozen other languages. How on earth do you come to the conclusion that a name change is untrustworthy, what kind of life experience are you having?

Which leads me straight into gripe n°2 about so called “forced diversity”. Where is this white straight able-bodied skinny mostly-male world? ? ? I live in the middle of nowhere at the moment, a small whiteass town surrounded by farmland, hours from a hospital or a fastfood chain and still have maroccan neighbours opposite and a vietnamese lady upstairs. I was raised in a town with such a reputation for being white trash, they set a white trash parody movie there (but filmed it in the south - heathens!) and our local actors get famous for playing hooligans or the like... but I still had friends of different ethnicities in class and our neighbour was a Kurd refugee. There were two “chaste gays” and a lesbian at church (because sex outside of marriage = bad and marriage wasn’t legal, yeah the whole thing was messed up, I know I know) and the disabled weren’t locked up in attics. They roll and walk with walkers and talk to invisible people or sign to eachother around town. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Do these posters live in a fraternity and then just stick to their frat bros for socializing later in life? At some point you go bowling or to a bar or shopping or something and see normal bodied ladies and people with melanin right? Do they have a sort of visual filter for similar and filter out the different? I am trying to understand how you don’t encounter or register diversity at least in public places. How does the concept of a woman firefighter seem wierd to someone when they come round and sell you the yearly calender and there are a bunch of women firefighters in the group photo. Army has a spokesperson on the news and it’s a woman lieutenant speaking in jargon to soften the optics of us having bombed another wedding party.

My sis says when she visited Virginia it was segregated by suburbs (she was shocked people didn’t mingle) but that’s Virginia right?

I just don’t get it, you try to put yourself in people’s shoes and i’m trying so hard but their argument like, falls apart anyway because it doesn’t make any sense.

[tessatechaitea]

Cerebus #3

Time for some good chafing gags!

I love Cerebus. Once I began buying the monthly issues, I stuck with it until Issue #300, no matter how bored I had become with Cerebus's explication of Genesis. I stuck with it because it had entertained me so much and because I loved the idea of a comic book series with a character who grows and changes and eventually dies as an old, decrepit, huge delusional mess. Or was he delusional? Yeah, I think he was. By the end, I think we're supposed to realize Rick was the protagonist? Whoops! I'm getting ahead of myself. I'm still in the issues where I don't have to think too hard about anything and can just sit back and laugh at jokes about chain mail bikinis and a woman who will only fuck somebody who overpowers her physically! What I meant to say before I interrupted myself like usual, I kept with the series because I loved so much of it. Not all of it, of course. Who could love all of it?! Dave Sim was writing things that kept himself interested and wasn't too worried about, say, keeping the audience that loved Church & State while writing Melmoth, or expecting people who loved Guys to be enthusiastic about Coming Home. I appreciated this comic book so much that it's the only reason that I kept purchasing monthly comic books as I entered my thirties. I had gotten to the point where my brain was having too much trouble remembering all the different comic book story lines with a full month long gaps between each twenty-four page bit of story. So at some point just past the year 2000, I decided I'd stop reading monthly comics altogether after March 2004, the final issue of Cerebus. After that, I kept up with Fables and Walking Dead via collected editions. But I was done reading monthlies (until The New 52 somehow dragged me back in to do that blog project!). So yeah. I was (and still am!) a huge Cerebus fan. But that doesn't mean I'm not going to be critical of the series and the writer. Dave Sim makes a lot of mistakes and I'm going to have a lot of fun pointing them out! You might not think they're mistakes but I ask that you hold your comments until the end (you know, my review of Issue #300!) because why would I want to argue on the Internet with other huge comic book nerds? We're the worst! One person I'll never criticize because I don't think they ever do anything wrong: Gerhard! That fucking work horse nails it throughout the entire series! Nothing much to say about Deni's "A Note from the Publisher" since all she says is how she has nothing to say. I was hoping she'd admit to rubbing one out over one of Dave's finished Red Sophia pages but my horrible male nerd projections about how women act once more didn't come to fruition. How is it everything I learned about women from female comic book characters turned out to be so wrong?! I refuse to believe it's because most of them were written by men. Men are so rational and logical! They wouldn't have steered me wrong!

I should probably do a little research on Frank Thorne.

Frank Thorne was best known for his work on Marvel's Red Sonja. Yes, I lifted that directly from Wikipedia. But I typed it myself! Another thing I learned from Wikipedia (I'd do more research than just Wikipedia but I don't want to wind up on YouTube where I'll not only learn about Frank Thorne's artistic history but also that the American Democratic party runs a pedophile sex traffic ring and also something about cannibals? I mean, it sounds like something I'd like to believe!) is that Thorne wrote a book called How to Draw Sexy Women. So, you know, he's probably one of my heroes? Frank Thorne is currently 90 years old and he might have the most adorable picture of anybody on Wikipedia.

I want to be best friends with him right now. Six year old me would have been over the moon in love with him (I had a Grandfather Fixation when I was really young that probably had nothing to do with my father leaving when I was two).

This issue not only introduces Red Sophia but also the wizard Henrot. That's an anagram of "Thorne"! Red Sophia is an anagram for "Hi! Do Rapes." I don't agree with that at all. I'm just the anagram messenger. I'm also not suggesting that Dave Sim knew what he was doing anagrammatically! I mean with the Red Sophia anagram. He definitely meant the Henrot/Thorne one! Cerebus has returned to civilization but now needs some quick cash because one thing Cerebus always needs is quick cash. He's only wealthy a few times and those times don't usually last long. He goes to see Henrot (who allegedly gets his power from two of the five Spheres of the Gods! So now we kind of know more about those things even if it is just a rumor) to question him about any paying mercenary gigs.

You might think the missing word in Henrot's dialogue was a mistake by Dave Sim but later we'll probably learn in, I don't know, Issue #143 that Henrot's first language is Borelean to account for this seeming error.

Cerebus doesn't usually take assassination or torture jobs because he finds them distasteful but he needs the money. Sure, he'll take any job that has him killing people in battle or invading private wizard's towers to murder the owner and steal the owner's stuff. But assassination and torture? So wrong! Once Cerebus takes the job, he learns that he was to take Henrot's daughter, Red Sophia, along with him. The target besmirched her honor so she needs to watch him die slowly and painfully. Is this where the MeToo hashtag goes?

Red Sophia drawing tutorial: Draw some big tits, some big lips, and a big mass of hair. Connect them with some kind of woman shaped lines. Ta-da!

Red Sophia chatters incessantly and dances around while Cerebus carries all of the gear. It's funny because female characters get to represent all women instead of being a unique character! Ha ha! Women really do talk a lot, right? And they're always all, "Carry my purse for me!" And guys are all like, "Stifle your emotions like a normal person! Carry your own purse! Stop dancing around whimsically and try to act tough and cool like regular people do! Play some sports already! Take care of me like you were my replacement mother!" In the "A Note from the Publisher," Deni wrote that since the first issue (remember the first issue? So many issues ago!), Dave had wanted to write a story where Cerebus interacts with a female. She doesn't say Dave wanted to write a female character. He just wanted Cerebus to interact with a female. So I guess that's what this is! Cerebus interacts with a female stereotype who is also a sex fantasy. Not because she's hot but because she constantly tries to fuck Cerebus throughout their adventure! What sword and sorcery reading nerd didn't dream of that three or four times a day in a dark room? I'm being harsh on Sim because it's more fun than lavishing praise on him. You can tell Sim realizes the inherent problems with Red Sonja because that's the bulk of his parody. The problem isn't Dave's take on the character; the real problem is simply the character Red Sonja! In 1978, Sim was already commenting on the ridiculous armor artists draw on women (there will be chafing jokes!)! And in this story, Dave Sim expresses how ridiculous it was to create a female character who was raped and then given great fighting skills by some Goddess with the catch that she can never fuck a man unless he beats her in fair combat. Just looking at it from a guy's point of view, I'd probably be all, "You know what? I don't want those powers. Could you maybe just strike down the asshole who raped me and let me not have to attempt to beat up every woman I'm attracted to?" Is that enough hot takes on Red Sophia? Cause I want to get to the part of this review where I can admit that I fucking love her so much. Later Cerebus meets Elrod who is really just Foghorn Leghorn. I'm pretty sure Red Sophia was less Red Sonja than Pepé Le Pew. I know, I know! There are probably some sensitive reasons why I'm not supposed to like Pepé too! But he was my mother's favorite Looney Tunes character! Anyway, I can't blame Dave Sim for making his first female character about 75% stereotypes of women. He's still a young writer! You've got to give him about another 183 issues to really clarify his stance on the interactions between genders! I'm sure it'll be more layered, nuanced, and rational.

Cerebus might be an Earth Pig but he's not a chauvinist pig. He doesn't take sexual advantage of Red Sophia here; he just makes her carry all the gear. It's a good joke that I'm ruining by explaining it instead of scanning in the punchline!

Just for comparison, let's take a look at a modern interpretation of Red Sonja by Ed Benes. I bet just that artist's name alone gives male comic book nerds a chubby. Not a full on hard on though. Those are probably reserved for hearing the name "Frank Cho."

What do they teach in art school? Women can turn 180 degrees at the waist? Not that I'm complaining! Dark room, here I come!

Oh shit. I forgot I was reading this comic book! Okay, um, so Red Sophia attacks Cerebus for besmirching her honor. Or Cerebus attacks Red Sophia for knocking him into a bush with her ass. Maybe it's a little bit of both. Anyway, Cerebus defeats her so Red Sophia begins throwing her ample bosom at Cerebus every chance she gets. Cerebus is not interested for some reason. Maybe it's because he stuck a sword in his vagina when he was younger? That happened, right? Or was that a flashback about him having his period? Now that I'm thinking about it...what the fuck is this comic book? I think maybe I hallucinated some of it! Cerebus isn't a fucking slut, man! He doesn't just fuck any hot woman whom he defeats in battle! He needs to fall in love and/or get completely wrecked on Peach Schnapps. So he has no interest in Red Sophia. I suppose a woman trying to kill you is a bit of a turn off. And then later, when she gets you into a fight with Thugg the Unseemly, it's less of an aphrodisiac than you might think.

I think Borelean might be Red Sophia's first language as well. I mean, she is Henrot's daughter.

The Letterer part of Dave Sim has already fucked up twice this issue. I bet he was too busy having his sword and sorcery fantasies in a dark room to pay close attention to the script. This is probably why Dave Sim eventually gave up masturbation. Later, Red Sophia feeds Cerebus granola and it totally cracks Dave Sim up. He said so in the Swords of Cerebus essay! Didn't you read it? I, for one, prefer the joke on the following page about Cerebus being a cannibal. Or an aardvark who eats human meat, anyway. I think that's close enough to cannibalism. We learn later that aardvarks can have offspring with humans so I feel like the aardvarks in this book are less sentient funny talking animals and more severely deformed human beings.

Red Sophia's tent. If this we were well into Mothers & Daughters when this tent made an appearance, I'd think Dave purposefully drew it this way. Since we're only on Issue #3, I think he was just feeling horny when he drew it.

If at any time during this review I've referred to Red Sophia as Red Sonja, just remember that English is my second language. I'm Borelean. I apologize to Dave Sim for earlier suggesting that Red Sophia was simply a bunch of female stereotypes mashed together into a character. As I said, I love her. I figured I probably started loving her after she makes several more appearances but I'm pretty sure this is the page where I knew needed more Red Sophia in my life.

How can you not be completely charmed by the "I'm pretty good at hand-holding" line?

This is a good reminder that I shouldn't be judging early Dave Sim by Issue #186 Dave Sim and beyond. He should always get the benefit of the doubt and, even after #186, he should retain it. I need to be reading the material both with fresh eyes as if reading it for the first time and with the knowledge of the whole in an attempt to understand it better. This scene is just so fucking charming that I hate that it might be ruined for many people based on their "knowledge" of Dave Sim. I put knowledge in quotes because, really, how many people who think of Dave as a misogynist have actually read Cerebus or Tangent? How many have just heard they're supposed to despise him because he's been called a misogynist? I mean, sure, you just have to read a bunch of his Biblical explications to understand you're dealing with something other than neurotypical! But it'd be nice if more people came to their Dave Sim conclusions themselves instead of just jumping on the bandwagon. I'm not saying people who think he's a misogynist aren't automatically wrong! Dave thinks they are but come on. He eventually gives out a lot of slack with which to make quite a few nooses to hang himself with. Um, okay, back to not judging Cerebus based on future Dave's rants about the Marxist/feminist/homosexual axis! Cerebus and Sophia finally reach the target where Cerebus discovers that the target, Tanes Feras, loves Sophia. And just like that, he figures out how to get rid of Sophia while also torturing Feras (possibly to death? Time will tell!). He commands Sophia to marry Feras because she must do whatever he asks. Sure, she thought it would involved his super long tongue and her metal-chafed butthole. But that's the great thing about love! It doesn't care what you want. Henrot seems to accept this conclusion for now. He'll definitely be back later. And so will Red Sophia. I can't wait!

The map of Cerebus's world by Deni's brother, Clovis. He ran out of ideas when he got to "Ocean Sea."

I'll have to remember to keep referring back to this map throughout the series. Although I'll probably only need it for the first twenty-five issues. And then maybe after Mothers & Daughters. Nothing noteworthy in Aardvark Comment this month. Just some Canadians saying things like, "Glad to see a Canadian comic book from Canada about Canada!" Which is confusing because I didn't realize how much of Cerebus was representative of Canada. I've really got to rethink my Canadian stereotypes. Now I'll be sure to picture Canadians as 50% Cerebus and 50% Joey Jeremiah. Cerebus #3 Rating: B+. Sim's art remains a bit more on the amateurish side than the professional side. But that's to be expected. Already you can see improvements in the consistency of Cerebus's look and I think maybe his snout is already getting shorter and girthier. This was the first issue where he drew a woman so I can't fault him for drawing a blow-up doll in a chain mail bikini. Why would I? I'd never fault anybody for drawing a blow-up doll in a chain mail bikini! I also just thought up a new category to search on eBay. This issue begins to show where Sim really excels: his characters. The first two issues basically highlight Cerebus dealing with a few generic characters. But Red Sophia (and Henrot to a lesser extent) captures the spotlight this issue. Ignoring some of the shallow aspects of her character creation (if you even believe those exists. Don't take my super-professional critical opinion on it!), she's really rather charming and a competent foil for the Earth Pig. Just knowing that she's the tip of the iceberg in the gallery of recurring characters excites me more than those fantasies I keep having in my dark room.

[vampirevocalistyuli]

(Sorry for this weird question (you can ignore this), but what do you think would happen if whatever muse you want to discuss got hit by The Pupeteer's Altar attack from BlazBlue? (I'll send a video of it because I can't describe it well) If you feel like it, you could also say what the characters say in reaction.)

(( omg The Puppeteer’s Altar. I’ve seen this before and, goodness, they tried to think of everything, huh? |D And pssh, don’t worry; I like questions like these. At least you’re giving me references to cut down on research time. [*brick’d*]

(( That aside, the muses that I could think of right off the bat for this question are Yuli, Ash, Loof and Agent. Unfortunately though, BlazBlue already has their own vampire, so Yuli’s Altar sequence might get a little influenced by that. I mean, I’ve always thought Yuli could end up restrained on a cross, with rose thorns even, before I learned of this attack. Then again, all the Murakumo(?; sorry I haven’t played this game myself so I’m not too familiar with the lore |D) units have the exact same sequence anyway.

(( That said, if Yuli did end up on that rose-covered cross, he’s definitely not going to like it and even call Relius out for being “too predictable, unimaginative and stereotypical; I cannot believe this!”…Never mind that crucifixes and roses are Yuli’s signature theme.(( He could also end up with every movable limb he has chained and shackled, and force him to become immobile; he also hates that. “You will never make me submit to you!” Note the venom in his voice.(( A third possible sequence would be him being forcibly submerged into a deep slumber and locked up on display in a glass coffin. I don’t think Yuli can say something while he’s asleep. Moan or groan maybe? |D;;;

(( As for Ash, well, what’s more cruel than forcing him into his dog form and then locked up in a dog cage? With a collar and leash, no less. “FOR THE LAST TIME, I’M NOT A DOG! DAMN YOU!!” he’d yell at Relius. |D

(( Loof…Either he’d be sealed into a card-like medium or a two-dimensional prison…Like a mirror, I guess. Expect a waterfall of tears coming out of that prison. “I should’ve foreseen this…Or shouldn’t I~?” Cue chilling mad giggles.

(( Agent might be a little hilarious with him strapped onto a metal table with a laser device pointed at him. Classic James Bond scene that’s been parodied many times, yes. “What, do you expect me to talk, doctor?” The sarcasm is thick.

[dayscrazed]

Chain of Thorns Countdown!

For each day leading up to the release of Chain of Thorns, I’ll be posting one song parody inspired by Rent!

13 days to go: “Out Tonight” POV- Matthew

12 days to go: “Will I?” POV- Jesse, James, Alastair, Matthew & Cordelia

11 days to go: “I’ll Cover You” POV- Lucie & Jesse

10 days to go: “One Song Glory” POV- Thomas & Alastair

One Song Glory

Thomas:

One song Glory One song That’s why I go Glory My friends I leave behind

Find One song One last revenge Glory From the pretty boy tall man Who won’t waste opportunity One song He had the world crashing down Glory With the loss of a young girl A young girl

Find Glory Beyond the dimly lit streets One song Before the sunrise Glory And another ended life

Thomas & Alastair:

Time flies Time dies Glory One blaze of glory One blaze of glory Glory

Alastair:

Find Glory In my words that ring true Truth like a blazing fire So I can stop the shame

Find One song A song about love Glory Unrequited love of a young man A young man

Find The one song Before the killer takes hold Glory Like a sunset One song To redeem this empty life

Time flies And then, no need to endure anymore Time dies

[dayscrazed]

Chain of Thorns Countdown!

For each day leading up to the release of Chain of Thorns, I’ll be posting one song parody inspired by Rent!

13 days to go: “Out Tonight” POV- Matthew

12 days to go: “Will I?” POV- Jesse, James, Alastair, Matthew & Cordelia

11 days to go: “I’ll Cover You” POV- Lucie & Jesse

10 days to go: “One Song Glory” POV- Thomas & Alastair

9 days to go: “Take Me or Leave Me” POV- Anna & Ariadne

8 days to go: “I Should Tell You” POV- James & Cordelia

7 days to go: “Another Day” POV- Thomas & Alastair

6 days to go: “Today for You” POV- Lucie & Jesse

Today for You

Malcolm: Gentleman, your benefactor on this Christmas day Whose charity is only matched by talent I must say A new member of the necromancy rebels cause she prevailed Lucie Herondale

Lucie: Today 4 you Tomorrow for me Today 4 you Tomorrow for me

Malcolm: And you should’ve seen her feat

Jesse: You saved me all discreet?

Lucie: It was my lucky day today On Avenue A When a warlock in a carriage Rode my way He said "Darling be a dear Haven't slept in a year I need your help To make my lover’s dead body appear" "These Iron Sisters, tricksters just won't fess up I believe if you try nonstop that corrupt You’ll find where Annabelle Took her last breath I'm certain that you Will find her place of death" Today 4 you Tomorrow for me Today 4 you Tomorrow for me We agreed when to flee A safe haven guarantee Tax free And a bonus If I hide Jesse Now who could foretell That it would go so well But sure as I am here That boy is now nowhere near hell After an hour Belial in all his glory When he tried revenge And to possess his body Like Leviathan did When he got the blues Swan dove into The courtyard of the Institute Today 4 you Tomorrow for me Today 4 you Tomorrow for me Back under the sheet Where I saw my sweet Where he was lying and dying On the cold concrete The nurse got him alone And commanded he be his own And I fixed his wounds And got him back on his feet Sing it! Today 4 you Tomorrow 4 me Today 4 you Tomorrow 4 me I said today 4 you Tomorrow 4 me Today 4 you Tomorrow 4 me

[dayscrazed]

Chain of Thorns Countdown!

For each day leading up to the release of Chain of Thorns, I’ll be posting one song parody inspired by Rent!

13 days to go: “Out Tonight” POV- Matthew

12 days to go: “Will I?” POV- Jesse, James, Alastair, Matthew & Cordelia

11 days to go: “I’ll Cover You” POV- Lucie & Jesse

10 days to go: “One Song Glory” POV- Thomas & Alastair

9 days to go: “Take Me or Leave Me” POV- Anna & Ariadne

8 days to go: “I Should Tell You” POV- James & Cordelia

7 days to go: “Another Day” POV- Thomas & Alastair

6 days to go: “Today for You” POV- Lucie & Jesse

5 days to go: “Light My Candle” POV- James & Grace

4 days to go: “What You Own” POV- James & Matthew

3 days to go: “Tango Maureen (Jamie)” POV- Cordelia & Matthew

2 days to go: “Goodbye Love” POV- James, Cordelia, Matthew, Grace, Alastair, Charles

Goodbye Love:

Grace: It’s true you got your spouse and bought a house James: It’s true. I’m leaving now for Curzon Street. It’s true you’re with that yuppy scum? Alastair: You said he’d never speak to her again Cordelia: Not now. Charles: Who said that you have any say in who he says things to at all. Grace: Yeah. Alastair: Who said that you should stick your nose in other people’s- Charles: Who said I was talking to you. Alastair: We used to have this fight each night. He’d never admit I existed. James: She was the same way. She was always run away, hit the road, don’t commit, you’re full of sh*t! Alastair: He’s in denial. James: She’s in denial. Alastair: Didn’t give an inch when I gave a mile Grace: I gave a mile James: Gave a mile to who? Cordelia: Come on guys chill! James and Alastair: I’d be happy to die for a taste of what my parents had. Someone to live for, unafraid to say I love you! James: Oh, your words are nice Grace. But love’s not a two-way street. You’ll never share real love until you love yourself, I should know. Cordelia: You all said you’d be cool today. So please for my sake. I can’t believe he’s gone. I can’t believe we’re dying. I can’t believe my family must die. My dad helped me believe in love. But sometimes I disagree. Cordelia, Alastair, James: I can’t believe this is goodbye

Matthew: I hear, there are great restaurants out West

James: Some of the best, how could she?

Matthew: How could you treat her so?

James: You just don't know How could we lose Nephilim?

Matthew: Maybe you'll see why When you stop escaping your pain At least now if you try All this death won't be in vain

James: These deaths are in vain

Matthew: Are you insane? There's so much to care about There's me, there's Daisy

James: Daisy’s got her baggage too

Matthew: So do you

James:  Who are you to tell me what I know What to do?

Matthew: A friend

James: But who Math are you? "Math has got his drink", they say "Math lives for his drinks and Math’s in love with his drink" Math hides in his drinks

Matthew: From what?

James: From facing your failure Facing your loneliness Facing the fact you live a lie Yes, you live a lie, tell you why You're always preaching not to be numb When that's how you thrive You pretend to create and observe When you really detach from feeling alive

Matthew: Perhaps it's because I'm the one of us to survive

James: Poor baby

Matthew: Daisy does love you Is she really jealous Or too proud to let it show?

James: Daisy did look sad

Matthew: Daisy deserves more Grace is causing misery And you’re running out the door

James: No more, oh no, I've gotta go Hey, for someone who's always been let down Who's heading out of town?

Matthew: For someone who longs for a community of his own Who's with his books, alone? I'll call I hate the fall

James: You heard?

Cordelia: Every word You don't want to hurt me Without divorce guarantees You don’t want to watch me fail I just came to say goodbye love Goodbye love, came to say goodbye love Goodbye Just came to say Goodbye love

James: Glory

Cordelia: Goodbye love

James: One blaze of glory

Cordelia: Goodbye love, goodbye

James: I have to find

Cordelia: Please don't touch me, understand I'm scared I need to go away

Matthew: I know a place, a city A retreat?

Cordelia: Maybe could you?

Matthew: I'll pay

Cordelia: Goodbye love, goodbye love Came to say goodbye love, goodbye Just came to say goodbye love Goodbye love, goodbye love Goodbye love, hello, Lilith

[dayscrazed]

Chain of Thorns Countdown!

For each day leading up to the release of Chain of Thorns, I’ll be posting one song parody inspired by Rent!

13 days to go: “Out Tonight” POV- Matthew

12 days to go: “Will I?” POV- Jesse, James, Alastair, Matthew & Cordelia

11 days to go: “I’ll Cover You” POV- Lucie & Jesse

10 days to go: “One Song Glory” POV- Thomas & Alastair

9 days to go: “Take Me or Leave Me” POV- Anna & Ariadne

8 days to go: “I Should Tell You” POV- James & Cordelia

7 days to go: “Another Day” POV- Thomas & Alastair

 6 days to go: “Today for You” POV- Lucie & Jesse

5 days to go: “Light My Candle” POV- James & Grace

Light My Candle

James: What'd you forget?

Grace: Got a light?

James: I know you, you, shouldn't be here

Grace: It’s nothing, I just need to speak. To you just a little time will I need. Would you light my candle? What are you staring at?

James: Nothing. You’re hair in the moonlight. You look familiar. Our agreement?

Grace: I haven’t agreed to stay away at least your wife is not here anyway. What?

James: Nothing. You’re smile reminded me of-

Grace: I always remind people of- Where is she?

James: Her dad died. Her name is Daisy.

Grace: It’s out again. Sorry ‘bout your friend. Would you light my candle?

James: Well?

Grace: Yeah? Ow

James: What’dyou want?

Grace: Your sister. I’d like to hear ‘bout her-

James: -Powers. I figured. Oh well. Goodnight.

Grace: *knocks*

James: You came back again?

Grace: No! I think that I left my man.

James: I know I’ve seen you out and about when I used to go out. Your candle’s out.

Grace: I’m leavin’ I want you so I came to your door. Our love’s pure. What’s that on the floor?

James: The bracelet

Grace: They say that I am the best liar below Percy street. Is it true?

James: What?

Grace: You're staring again.

James: Oh no. I mean you are a liar- I mean uh. It look familiar?

Grace: Broke because your girlfriend?

James: Don’t you go and smile- because now I see something else.

Grace: Did you go to Belial’s realm? That’s why I work. I’m forced.

James: Yes. You used to screw me up.

Grace: It’s a gift.

James: I didn’t recognize you without the bracelet.

Grace: We could not control. Oh don’t you see it’s Belial?

James: Why don’t you forget that stuff? You look like you’re sixteen.

Grace: I’m sixteen. But I’m old for my age, I’m just born to be bad.

James: I thought I was born to be bad. I used to suffer for love.

Grace: I had no choice, I told you.

James: I used to forget.

Grace: That’s what it does.

James: Uh-huh. I used to feel so guilty.

Grace: Now and then you stop to feel good.

James: Oh here is the-

Grace: What’s that?

James: It’s the bracelet pieces

Grace: We could fight their evil? What’ll you do with me now?

James: That was the last straw.

Grace: At least you’ll just thank god you found love.

James: Maybe it’s not a comfort at all. Because Daisy doesn’t know how I feel.

Grace: Bah humbug. Bah humbug.

James: Cold girl.

Grace: Not you. Fair. Like your father. Do you wanna help?

James: Help you?

Grace: No! Your grandfather.

James: I’m smarter.

Grace: They tricked me, they made me lonely

[dayscrazed]

Chain of Thorns Countdown!

For each day leading up to the release of Chain of Thorns, I’ll be posting one song parody inspired by Rent!

13 days to go: “Out Tonight” POV- Matthew

12 days to go: “Will I?” POV- Jesse, James, Alastair, Matthew & Cordelia

Will I?

Jesse: Will I lose my dignity? Will someone care? Will I wake tomorrow From this nightmare?

James & Jesse: Will I lose my dignity? Will someone care? Will I wake tomorrow From this nightmare?

Alastair: Will I lose my dignity? (Matthew:Will I lose my dignity?) Will someone care? (Matthew: Will someone care?) Will I wake tomorrow (Matthew: will I wake tomorrow) From this nightmare? (Matthew: From this nightmare?)

James & Jesse & Alastair: Will I lose my dignity? (Matthew:Will I lose my dignity?) Will someone care? (Matthew: Will someone care?) (Cordelia: Will I lose my dignity?) Will I wake tomorrow (Matthew: will I wake tomorrow) (Cordelia: Will someone care?) From this nightmare? (Matthew: From this nightmare?) (Cordelia: will I wake tomorrow)

James & Jesse & Alastair: Will I lose my dignity? (Matthew:Will I lose my dignity?) (Cordelia: From this nightmare?) Will someone care? (Matthew: Will someone care?) (Cordelia: Will I lose my dignity?) Will I wake tomorrow (Matthew: will I wake tomorrow) (Cordelia: Will someone care?) From this nightmare? (Matthew: From this nightmare?) (Cordelia: will I wake tomorrow…)

[dayscrazed]

Chain of Thorns Countdown!

For each day leading up to the release of Chain of Thorns, I’ll be posting one song parody inspired by Rent! 

13 days to go: “Out Tonight” POV- Matthew

Out Tonight

What’s the time? Well it’s gotta be close to midnight. My body’s talking to me it says time for danger It says I wanna commit a crime Wanna be the cause of a fight Wanna put on a tight shirt And flirt With a stranger I’ve had a knack From way back Breakin the rules once I learned the game Get up Life’s too quick I know someplace sick Where this prick will dance in the flames We don’t need any money We always get in for free You can get in too if you get in with me

Let’s go Out tonight I have to go out tonight You wanna play? Let’s run away We will be back before their wedding day Take me out tonight (meow)

When I get a wink from the doorman Do you know how lucky you’ll be That you’re on the line With some good wine Of Berwick Street

Let’s go Out tonight I have to go out tonight You wanna prowl Be my night owl Well take my hand we’re gonna howl Tonight

In the evening I get to roam Can’t sleep in the city of dirt, smoke and stone Feels too damaged like home When I’m sober enough to cry So let’s find a bar So dark we forget who we are And all the scars from the Nevers and maybes die

Let’s go Out Tonight Have to go na na na out tonight You’re sweet Wanna hit the streets Wanna party until I forget her heat Just take me out tonight

Please take me out tonight Don’t forsake me out tonight I’ll let you make me out tonight Tonight tonight tonight

[dayscrazed]

Chain of Thorns Countdown!

For each day leading up to the release of Chain of Thorns, I’ll be posting one song parody inspired by Rent!

13 days to go: “Out Tonight” POV- Matthew

12 days to go: “Will I?” POV- Jesse, James, Alastair, Matthew & Cordelia

11 days to go: “I’ll Cover You” POV- Lucie & Jesse

10 days to go: “One Song Glory” POV- Thomas & Alastair

9 days to go: “Take Me or Leave Me” POV- Anna & Ariadne

8 days to go: “I Should Tell You” POV- James & Cordelia

7 days to go: “Another Day” POV- Thomas & Alastair

6 days to go: “Today for You” POV- Lucie & Jesse

5 days to go: “Light My Candle” POV- James & Grace

4 days to go: “What You Own” POV- James & Matthew

3 days to go: “Tango Maureen (Jamie)” POV- Cordelia & Matthew

2 days to go: “Goodbye Love” POV- James, Cordelia, Matthew, Grace, Alastair, Charles

1 day to go: “Your Eyes” POV- James to Cordelia

Your Eyes

Your eyes As you stabbed the bad guy Can't get them out of my mind And I find I can't hide From your eyes The ones that took me by surprise The night you vowed to be my wife Where there's moonlight I see your eyes How'd I let you slip away When I'm longing so to hold you Now I'd die for one more day 'Cause there's something I should have told you There's something I should have told you When I looked into your eyes Why does distance make us wise? You were the love all along And before this love dies I should tell you, I should tell you I have always loved you You can see it in my eyes Daisy

[dayscrazed]

Chain of Thorns Countdown!

For each day leading up to the release of Chain of Thorns, I’ll be posting one song parody inspired by Rent!

13 days to go: “Out Tonight” POV- Matthew

12 days to go: “Will I?” POV- Jesse, James, Alastair, Matthew & Cordelia

11 days to go: “I’ll Cover You” POV- Lucie & Jesse

10 days to go: “One Song Glory” POV- Thomas & Alastair

9 days to go: “Take Me or Leave Me” POV- Anna & Ariadne

8 days to go: “I Should Tell You” POV- James & Cordelia

7 days to go: “Another Day” POV- Thomas & Alastair

6 days to go: “Today for You” POV- Lucie & Jesse

5 days to go: “Light My Candle” POV- James & Grace

4 days to go: “What You Own” POV- James & Matthew

3 days to go: “Tango Maureen (Jamie)” POV- Cordelia & Matthew

Tango Maureen (Jamie)

Cordelia: You can flee today, but the gossip Matthew: There's another way Come with me, to Paris Cordelia: But you love me Matthew: I try to stop that Cordelia: This is weird Matthew: It's weird Cordelia: Very weird Matthew: Fucking weird Cordelia: I'm so mad that I don't know what to do Fighting Prince of Hell clones Freezing down to my bones And to top it all off I hurt you Matthew: Feel like going insane Got a fire in your brain And you're thinking of drinking gasoline? Cordelia: As a matter of fact Matthew: Honey, I know this act It's called the Tango Jamie

Matthew: The Tango Jamie It's a dark, dizzy, merry go round As he keeps you dangling Cordelia: You're wrong Matthew: Your heart he is mangling Cordelia: It's different with me Matthew: And you toss and you turn 'cause his gold eyes can burn Yet you yearn and you churn and rebound Cordelia: I think I know what you mean Both: The Tango Jamie

Matthew: Has he ever bitten his lips when he calls you Daisy? Cordelia: Never Matthew: Have you ever doubted a look or two? Cordelia: This is spooky Did his face change, his mask that he wore? Matthew: Every time, so be, cautious Cordelia: Did he moon over other girls? Matthew: More than moon Cordelia: I'm getting nauseous

Matthew: Where’d you learn to waltz? Cordelia: With an expert instructor who was hired by my mother. And You? Matthew: With everyone in the Enclave that has a daughter at the annual Institute Christmas party Cordelia: It's hard to do this backwards You should try it in heels

Cordelia: He cheated Matthew: He cheated Cordelia: James cheated Matthew: Fucking cheated Cordelia: I'm defeated, I should give up right now Matthew: Gotta look on the bright side with all of your might Cordelia: I'd fall for him still anyhow Both: When you're dancing his dance You don't stand a chance His grip of romance makes you fall Matthew: So you think might as well Cordelia: Dance a waltz straight to hell Both: At least I'll have tangoed at all The tango Jamie Gotta dance 'til your partner is through You pretend to believe him 'Cause in the end you can't leave him But the end it will come Still you have to play dumb 'Til your glum and you bum and turn blue Matthew: Why do we love so unseen? Cordelia: And I have since thirteen...My Jamie Both: The Tango Jamie

[dayscrazed]

Chain of Thorns Countdown!

For each day leading up to the release of Chain of Thorns, I’ll be posting one song parody inspired by Rent!

13 days to go: “Out Tonight” POV- Matthew

12 days to go: “Will I?” POV- Jesse, James, Alastair, Matthew & Cordelia

11 days to go: “I’ll Cover You” POV- Lucie & Jesse

10 days to go: “One Song Glory” POV- Thomas & Alastair

9 days to go: “Take Me or Leave Me” POV- Anna & Ariadne

8 days to go: “I Should Tell You” POV- James & Cordelia

I Should Tell You

James: I should tell you, I'm disaster I forget how to begin it

Cordelia: Let's just make this part go faster I have yet to be in it I should tell you

James: I should tell you

Cordelia: I should tell you

James: I should tell you

Cordelia: I should tell I moved my bishop out Just so you could win

James: I'd forgotten how to smile Until your kiss burned my skin

Cordelia: I should tell you

James: I should tell you

Cordelia: I should tell you

James: I should tell you

James & Cordelia: Well, here we go, now we, oh no I know this something is here goes Here goes, guess so it's starting to Who knows? Who knows? Who knows where? Who goes there? Who knows? Here goes Trusting desire, starting to learn Walking through realms without a burn Clinging a shadow through vows begins Stinging Cortana, Lilith’s plan wins So here we go, now we, oh no I know, oh no Who knows where? Who goes there? Here goes, here goes Here goes, here goes Here goes, here goes