#check out Open Source Officer. thats the position i was gonna go for haha xD SUPER fucking easy job. i was already doing it in japan xD

[purge-that-urge-rhackathon]

Anon questions: 1. What is the CIA business you've mentioned? 2. Is it okay living with your parents? (sorry but reading all the abusive stuff they've done to you made me worried..) :( and 3. How are you truly??? Drinking enough water?? Therapy? All the best to you you're awesome ♥️

you are a sweetie anon xD I rambled so i put it under a cut ahahah!

1. So when my job contract with the japanese government ended, i planned to work for the CIA once I returned to the states :) I worked in japan for 4years, and that job application took an entire year to apply (extensive federal background checks, medical exams, pages upon pages of questions, requirements including a 2 page essay in japanese about why i was qualified for the job, and an interview at the US embassy in los angeles with a japanese diplomat, an american diplomat, and someone who held the position i was applying for). I scored extremely highly among those accepted.

Getting into the CIA was going to be relatively simple in comparison (im one of those ‘college was easier than high school’ kids lolol) xD Then the election happened and i said fuuuuuck that shit i have a soul im not working for this administration. Now I bartend xD

2. YES! i understand its not at all normal or ‘okay’, and nothing ive said or been super upset about has been untrue, but i understand my place in life and how much im at the mercy and charity of others or not, and how to deal living in this type of environment and choosing my battles wisely, but im not paying rent, im aware of how much resources i use here and how i contribute to the household, so i mean i know i have it way better than a lot of people, but stuff from the past cropping up now and then in other behaviors does make me relive trauma so like... idk im good i guess? Im trying to pay down my debt so staying here helps me do that. A lot of the abusive stuff like objectively its bad, but subjectively, i mean i have a good life now in comparison? especially considering that i think what i went through as a child was way harder than what im going through now. My standards arent very high tho ahaha i mean what im comparing how good life is now compared to how it was, i should have no complaints xD I can take food from the fridge or cupboard when im hungry without getting beat for it, hot showers, meat regularly, and i have my own room with a bed that always stays where it is so thats cool. It’s extremely hard to reconcile the way i grew up with what i experience now and knowing i had it worse then so why does it hurt so much worse now? or like idk ahahha i mean i love my family even if they’ve been responsible for some of my very darkest moments of my life. It’s just more obstacles to understand and adapt around haha im dead inside but doing fine since xmas is over! Whenever the bar gets sets lower, it just means it takes that much more to disappoint me, which conversely means i understand how good the good moments actually are so im very very easily pleased bahaha!

3. I AM FINALLY REHYDRATED!! And my friend called that therapist i wanted to see multiple times (she never picked up; im assuming she was away for the xmas/new years holidays) but no i havent been able to get in yet, but im feeling mentally so much more balanced now that december is over and january is almost done. They’re not good months for me whatsoever and only now do i realize just how excessive my drinking/smoking was by the fact i actually still have beer in the fridge from weeks ago right now xD I suddenly dont need it, and that realization tells me a lot about my mental state, sooo im optimistic i think? haha anyways im super excited about going to Wondercon this year and hanging out with friends, and i have two kitties (who ive got trained to put themselves in their crate at night xD theyre not even 1yr yet xD) and i managed to make a considerable dent in my debt this year (as long as nothing happens with my teeth again this year i should make a lot of progress!) so like, ive got some things to look forward to. Working on stress management too haha but we’ll see! ♡ ♡ ♡