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dawnoftime22 · 1 year ago

Text

stranger.

| W.M -> N.R

Undeserving of a Love Like Yours, Chapter 7

Chapter Warnings: A little overthinking here and there, but thats basically it

Summary: After days of trying to move on from a break up, you were still stuck in your head, although when you're in a walk outside with Lucky the pizza dog, everything jumps the start of a change.

Series Summary: When you're stuck in a complete hole of confusion and hurt with the one you thought you loved most, a certain redhead finds her way into your life.

Word Count: 4k

Category: mostly fluff, some hurt/comfort?

A/N: just wanted to say I'm giving hugs to all of you :]

Series Playlist

| Started on 31/03/2024, 7:10 AM |

| Finished on 08/04/2024, 12:00 PM |

Masterlist | Series Masterlist | N.R Masterlist

<- Chapter 6 Chapter 8 ->

"Every decision is sensitive anyway."

|—————————— ➳ⴵ➳ ——————————|

A week or so later, as the birds flew in a small group, the morning air wakes you up gently. The cold orange glow filling the walls told you the sun had gone up. You hadn't been in this bedroom for a while now, but even so, New York's feeling with the cars bustling in the background was still captured.

You blink the sleep away, the comforter around you keeping you warm while the chilly air still met your face. This was the best part of a morning. A feeling you almost can't describe.

The bed was only big enough to fit you, so it didn't feel like there was much of an empty space beside you, but it's not where the heartbreak would just end instantly.

You turn on your side, your hand clumsily grabbing your phone as you yawned. The cable charging the phone moved along with it, making sounds of it hitting the side of the bed.

All that was in your mind was to simply check the time or catch up on anything you missed whilst sleeping, but when your thumb clicks on the power button, the screen shows a whole load of missed calls along with messages-- both from yesterday, today, and all the days before.

Deflating a bit, you sigh, your hand holding the device falling down onto the bed as you tried to ignore the gnawing feeling in your heart.

You stare at the walls and ceiling for a moment, your hands gripping whatever they held before you turn back to your phone and let your finger impulsively tap on a button.

Clear Notifications

They disappear from the screen, leaving it empty and now only showing your lockscreen. But you don't linger any longer on your phone, putting it back down and facing the other way instead, where the windows sat with its edges illuminated.

Technically they aren't entirely gone. Though, at least they aren't sitting there screaming at you just as you look at your phone.

You wanted to pull the covers over yourself and bury your face into the pillow, the comforting warmth of the bed only luring you to, but, you started to see the light only growing brighter as the sun was going further up.

As you took a deep breath to prepare for the day ahead, you pull the covers off yourself, begrudgingly pushing yourself with your arms to sit up. You wouldn't be able to go back to sleep anyway.

And besides, if you did, you were sure Kate or Lucky would come in your room and wake you up so you weren't just stuck in your bed all day.

Slowly, you move to let your feet touch the floor before finally standing up, the bed creaking slightly. The small breeze in your movement and not having any more protection of warmth from the covers had a shiver going down your spine, but it soon faded away.

The trail you went to get to the bathroom was slow. Well, it was more just you lingering by leaning your back on the frame of the bed, pulling the curtains slightly to look out the window, stretching, or resting your elbows on the chestdrawer as you ran your hands down your face to gather yourself together.

The way the sunlight fades away due to a cloud blocking it and darkening the room, it only made you want to just further on give up on all the things your body needs.

But you shake your head, going into the bathroom as your thoughts dissolve only to one, and that is, going into the bathroom. You turn on the sink, splashing your face with cold water so you could wake up.

That definitely did something. You blink and reach over to grab a towel, wiping the water off your face. Yet still, a yawn makes it way out your mouth as you walk to the shower. You peel your clothes off to then step in, making sure the temperature was right.

The water ran down your skin and soothed your sore morning muscles. Minutes pass by later with warmth and you soon step out the bathroom with your hair dripping. The curtains at the windows swayed along with the wind from the ceiling fan, making the sunlight peeking through, dancing along the floor and the walls.

You open the closet doors, letting your fingers gently grab the clothes that were stored within it to slip on. Once you finish, you walk over to your bed to grab your bluetooth headphones, your thumb clicking on the power button.

When it didn't turn on, your shoulders fall down slightly. It had ran out of battery and you forgot to charge it. Reluctantly, you change the wire on your charger from your phone's and plug it to the headphones. Then, your eyes linger on your bedside table, seeing your wired earphones sitting atop it, one earbud dangling off the side and moving slightly.

Your hand picks it up and you grab out your phone, connecting it so you could play some music. The earbuds fitted your ears comfortably as you made your way to the bedroom door, opening it with a click.

Looking out, you find the living room and kitchen to be empty, but you do find a sleeping Lucky laying lazily at the couch. The refrigerator hummed quietly while your legs took you to it, the doors opening smoothly. Feeling fancy as the gentle rhythm of your song continued on, you grab some eggs, opting to cook it and eat it with some toast.

When the doors closed, you see a bright colored note stuck onto the fridge, written down by Kate it seems. It had 'take Lucky out on a walk!' upon it, and you tilted your head, humming. There was nothing much to really do today anyway, so maybe it would do some good to go out on a walk. Especially with Lucky.

You grab the pan and turn on the heat, warming it up before cracking open the eggs. The sizzles sound out through the apartment, and right as you were about to move and get a drink from the fridge, you feel a nose boop against your leg.

Looking down, your eyes land on the golden retriever that was sitting on the couch earlier, looking up at you happily, his tail wagging gently.

A soft giggle made its way out your mouth at the sight. "Morning, Lucky," Your hand gently goes through his fur, scratching behind his ear for a few seconds before you boop his nose.

He follows you as you go to the fridge, grabbing out the carton that held orange juice. You check on the eggs and make sure you don't accidentally get them burnt, finishing them up first by sliding them on a plate before pouring your drink into a glass.

The plate gently clinks as you set it down on the dining table, and you were about to sit down, but in the corner if your eye, you catch Kate's bow sitting right in front of the little training room she had.

Your eyes flicker from your meal and the bullseye, then you decide to walk over to the bow, picking it up. Lucky sits down near you, tilting his head in curiosity.

Carefully, you grab an arrow and place it in between the middle and the bowstring, then firmly grip everything and pulling the arrow back. Your eyes focus on the target and you aim, until finally, you release it, making it fly across the space with great speed.

The arrow lands right near the edge of the bullseye, but it was lodged in between the red line. Lucky barks, and you laugh, the anticipation of drawing an arrow back then finding out where it hits doesn't fail in giving a little serotonin. At least, when you're just having fun.

Wanting to do at least one more, you grab another arrow, placing it in the same place and getting your stance kind of right, having learnt from Kate...once.

Out of your vision, in the meanwhile, Kate had woken up, her bedroom door quietly opening and closing as she went out. Kate's eyes travel to your bedroom door, tilting her head to peek into your room. When she found the bed to be empty, she looks around the room to see you standing at the archery area.

She smiles slightly and speaks up, walking towards you, "You know, we should--" she cuts herself off when you quickly turn on your feet, your body following the movement as you unexpectedly heard her and get jumped.

"Whoa there!" She splutters out, instantly putting her hands up with a nervous chuckle as she saw the arrow being pointed at her, already drawn back.

Your eyes widen when you see Kate with her own wide blue eyes staring back at you. "Oh--" You quickly loosen your grip on the arrow, and a small smile comes up on her face, although, you can see a hint of fear.

"Okay, let's not kill anyone here." She says quickly and softly, then takes a few steps forward, lowering the bow you held.

"Sorry." You said sheepishly with a small chuckle, letting go of the bow and arrow as she ends up gently taking it from you with care, storing it back in its original place.

"It's okay, its not all the time I accidentally sneak up on someone and get...an arrow pointed in my face." She waves her hand off, then feel Lucky licking her skin, to which she pets his head and then kneel down slightly to run both her hands through his fur, his saliva going on her cheek slightly.

"I didn't mean to, you came out of nowhere!" You utter out, your face apologetic as you watch her stand back up properly, laughing slightly in her walk to the kitchen, her eyes lingering on your breakfast that was still warm.

"Hey, at least you're not the first person thats done it." She shrugs, grabbing two slices of bread and placing them into the toaster.

"I'm not?" Your face instead contorts into a curious one while Kate leans back on the kitchen counters, shaking her head with a smile.

"Nope," she said simply, and you raise your eyebrows, a hum coming out of you, but don't push on more to it. You walk back over to the dining table to sit down and finally start on your breakfast.

"Since you want to shoot something thats not a target so early on, you wanna join me for archery class?" Kate casually says as she grabs the carton of orange juice you had left on the counter, pouring herself a glass to drink.

You thought about it for a moment, then thought of the people, then thought about possibly getting scolded by the teacher for getting a stance or shot wrong.

"No, no, it's okay." You shake your head, insistently waving your hand as a gesture to add to your expression, awfully too worried about doing anything new at the moment.

"I can actually get you in, you know." The toast jumps out brown, and Kate slides it out, making a quick sandwich for herself.

"I would really love to, but...maybe next time. I'll probably take Lucky on a walk for today." You turn her down as kindly as you could, giving her a tight lipped smile that she didn't mind.

Kate takes a bite into her sandwich with a crunch, then turns around to put the orange juice back, and finally sees the bright note she had left on the fridge the other day. "Ah...I forgot I put that up." She said quietly, her head moving in a gentle nod, returning the orange juice before closing the fridge and looking back at you.

"Well, if thats what you want." She shrugs lightly, making sure her phone was in her pocket and she had her keys as she walked to the front door.

"But call me if you're staying out after the sun goes down." She points her finger at you, standing by the door with her other hand on the handle, her face more serious.

You nod, a warmth filling you at how much she cared, although a thought did cross your mind that it was because you were bringing Lucky, but no. it wasn't just that. "I will," you say quietly, but she saw the mouth movement and her face softens.

"Okay, bye!" Kate said as she went out the door with a wave. Quickly, you mirror her hand movement, echoing her goodbye and adding in her name along with it, "Bye, Kate!"

You settle back down in your seat at the dining table again, the quietness of the apartment somehow only being louder than it should. What if, in honest truth, you shouldn't be here? Kate's just too nice.

A touch to your hand from Lucky's nose snapped you out, the dog noticing how you had stilled and spaced out suddenly. You turn to look at him, his smile seeming to be the most comforting on earth at the moment.

"It's just you and I, huh?" You whispered, barely even above the sound of a breath as your hands petted his head.

You then cup the sides of the pizza dog's head, looking into his almond eyes. He stared back at you, his face clueless and almost understanding at the same time.

A heavy sigh escapes your mouth, feeling the weight of your body growing rather than lessening. You were taking steps forward, but it wasn't easy to not stop or reverse here and now.

Your hands let go of Lucky and turn back to the toast and eggs, finishing off the last of it. There were few places you could bring the pizza dog to-- the dog park, a pizza place...Your eyes linger on the empty pizza box that was yet to be thrown out. He's definitely had some just a day or so ago. It's probably better off to not spoil him. The dog park it is, then.

Pushing off the table, you pick up your empty plate and glass, taking it to the sink. Having already showered, you decide to simply change your outfit into something more fitted for the outdoors.

Lucky was laid down, chewing on a pizza toy of his, the little thing in his mouth making very quiet squeaking sounds as you walk back into the living room.

When you grab the leash, he instantly sits up more properly, his eyes widening at the sight. You chuckle, making your way over to the dog.

He met you halfway already though, leaving his toy and looking up at you, the golden charm on his collar swinging from the movement. "You know it. We're going out, buddy," your hands work on putting the leash on the collar, making sure it was properly on there.

After that, you stood up and walked to the front door, Lucky following behind you. Of course, you check you've gotten everything before going out, the door creaking slightly.

You weren't outside quite yet, needing to go down the stairs. Once you were out, the streets were calmer than usual, but not peaceful. It held people on their phones looking all ready for business, taxis passing through, people with their children and all that.

Luckily, the path you were taking seemed to slowly turn emptier, you and Lucky walking in step with each other and weaving through obstacles. You still had your earphones on, playing music as you went.

The sun kissed your skin gently, but still the cold air of New York let off a comforting temperature, mixing in with the warmth.

You feel the pace of the golden retriever's steps beside you slow down, which had you curiously looking down for a moment, seeing how Lucky had his head and eyes locked on something.

You follow his gaze and see nothing that could interest him for a moment, until your eyes travel up and see a pizza logo, the giant sign obvious as it hanged from the front of the restaurant, and it seems you took too long to realize the path held a troublesome situation.

You feel the tug on your hand from Lucky pulling the leash, the start of a run to get to the pizza place as he went further out of sync with your walking.

"Lucky, wait!" You yelp, thankfully the streets being emp...well. You thought it was, until you bump into someone, making Lucky instantly stop and turn to look at you.

You regain your surroundings soon and blink, feeling the slightest pain on your chest and arm from the hit of someone else's body. "Sorry! He gets..." You quickly apologize, until trailing off when you see the person in front of you, their own eyes slightly wide from shock.

"Oh, you're..." you take a step back, quietly saying the words as you try to process if you got dizzy and were imagining things, or if your eyes were actually seeing a redhead in front of you. One particularly familiar.

"The one in the rain," she utters out quietly herself, her eyebrows furrowed as her brain probably tried to process it the same as yours were. The breeze of the cool wind ran through her hair, making her seem all the more graceful and taking both your words and breath away.

"Are you okay?" She asks, and you hear the bit of rasp in her voice as she checks you for any sign of visible pain, and you were only rubbing your forearm.

"Yeah- I...I should be asking you that, I'm sorry, I didn't accidentally hurt you or anything, right?" you ask, your own eyes darting on her while a nervous chuckle comes from your mouth, but she shakes her head gently.

"No. In fact, you seem like you got hit harder," she said gently, her face holding a look of concern. Lucky was standing by, watching and now curious about what was happening, but he was more impatient to go to the nearby pizza place.

"Good," You nod, the smallest warmth coming upon your face as you gave her a tight lipped smile. There was a beat of silence, but it wasn't long until she spoke up again.

"So, we both went to New York." She tilts her head, about to slip her hand into her pockets until she felt her hand getting sniffed, bumped by the nose and licked by the golden retriever that caused this situation to arise.

"Yeah, that's..." you trail off as you notice Lucky barely keeping his excitement as he introduced himself to this kind stranger you only briefly met from the airport. You try to get him to give the redhead space, your hands reaching to gently pull him back. "Lucky, calm down."

She chuckles softly, and even though the sound was just a breath, something about it made you question what was happening. Such as, reality, or dream, or movie. "It's alright." her hand reaches down and pets him lightly. "Is this your dog?" she asks, glancing up at you.

"No. No, he belongs to a friend of mine." You reply, watching how she and Lucky interacted, as if it was natural. He seemed radiant, but you couldn't tell if it was because of her kind presence or the way there was a fresh pizza brought out by a waiter, seen from the restaurant window.

"He's cute," she said simply, her hand still going through his soft fur, then landing on the charm on his collar. You presume she was reading his name for a moment, but you didn't mind.

"Yeah. He...gets excited when he sees anything with pizza because he loves eating it." You smile gently, shaking your head as your mind goes over the dog's antics, especially with him turning his head from you and the redhead.

"A dog that eats pizza? That's the first I've heard." She slides her hands smoothly into the pocket of her brown coat, her expression curious and intrigued.

"Yup. He's a special kind." Your head moves in a the gentle motion of a nod as you went to lightly pat his head, and he only derpily had his tongue out. You can see the green eyes of the redhead watching your movements.

The two of you were quiet for a moment once again, your heart beating faster than normal, for some odd reason. Perhaps both of you were questioning whether it was fate that had you two meeting once more, or a coincidence.

"...What do you say to grabbing coffee sometime?" she said suddenly, but her voice was calm. Your eyes widen for a moment in surprise, but you regain your composure after blinking once or twice.

"Well, it's only fair since you saved me from the rain." She raises her eyebrows at you, and you try your best to not focus on your ever growing heartrate, although there was a hint of a smile on her face.

"No, I'm kidding, I'd love to grab coffee with you." you shook your head, your playful side seeming to be coming out a little too much, but the corners of her lips raise up more properly anyway. You shared each other's contacts after a few seconds, having put it in your phones.

She checks her watch, glancing down the street in the direction she was going in, then looking back at you. "I have to do something, but just...contact me whenever," the words came out rushed, but yet gentle while you see her start to walk away.

"Okay...Uh, stay safe!" you say with a slightly louder volume so she could hear you better. But she only turns back around to take a look at you with a chuckle.

"You should be the one staying safe." She turns back to her own route, and the sentence made a small laugh come from you.

Feeling oddly more light and warm, you were about to continue walking, until you realize Lucky wasn't moving, then he gently, this time, walked forward to pull you to the pizza place. You held your ground though, determined to only go to the dog park.

"No, you already had pizza just a few days ago." At that, he surrenders and turns back around to walk with you, his ear raising up as he looked back at the restaurant, whimpering quietly.

"I'll get you treats and play fetch." Upon hearing his other favorite words, his disappointment seemed to fade away.

The walk didn't last much longer, and you soon arrive to the park, the space, once more, not being too crowded, but not empty either.

You roam the grassy area until you find a place where it was completely empty, a beautiful tree sitting with shade catching your eyes. A perfect spot to hang out at.

You went and sat down on the grass, your back against the tree as Lucky followed beside you. You smile slightly, your hand going in your bag to grab a small ball.

He perks up and prepares, watching as you raised it up then threw it. He jumps and bolts off to grab it, his speed making you chuckle in surprise.

Soon he quickly retrieved it, coming back to you with his fur moving all over the place and dropping the ball beside you.

"You wanna do it again?" you ask, and he only stared at you. You threw it again, trying to do it a little farther on. This keeps going with a few tricks here and there, rewarded with some treats you brought.

The both of you gets tired sometime later, and you were now completely laid down against the grass, Lucky having his head on your stomach with his paws curled up.

The breeze of the wind lightly brushes your face and goes through your hair as you stare up at the sky, watching the clouds move.

This felt all too familiar.

Every memory, everything, except in different places.

Your gentle breathing, and the weight of a head on your body.

Your hand reaches up into the sky, your fingers uncurling themselves as you felt the wind.

This wasn't even the same park.

Yet, it still flooded through you like you had just experienced the moment yesterday.

Lucky had his eyes closed as your hand dropped onto your chest and you look down, away from the sky as if to not think about it anymore.

The device in your pocket felt more obvious as the seconds went by, and you start to give in, grabbing your phone from your pocket.

You check it, and you see the high amount of numbers in the corner of the calls and messages icons, an obvious red background behind it. Deciding finally, you tap on the messages app.

The texts written and sent to you by the brunette was short. Sent in multiple messages that make up one or two sentences. The first one was a paragraph of an apology, and your eyes skim over it, your heart already aching.

Your thumb then hovers over the missed calls, a decision in your head...

end of chapter 7. <3

Series Masterlist <- Chapter 6 Chapter 8 ->

----------

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dawnoftime22 · 1 year ago

Text

for the loss of my life.

| W.M -> N.R

Undeserving of a Love Like Yours, Chapter 11

Chapter Warnings: One swear word, overthinking.

Summary: Making yourself at home with someone else's heart but holding no communications of the love clear between you two, has a chance for consequences to happen. What will the outcome be if you speak up about it?

Series Summary: When you're stuck in a complete hole of confusion and hurt with the one you thought you loved most, a certain redhead finds her way into your life.

Word Count: 3.3k

Category: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Angst

A/N: I hope you're all taking care of yourselves <3

Series Playlist

| Started on 07/05/2024, 2:02 PM |

| Finished on 11/05/2024, 10:53 PM |

Masterlist | Series Masterlist | N.R Masterlist

<- Chapter 10 Final Chapter ->

"Run yourself in a circle, bury yourself a deeper hole, but it won't end unless you stop and take control."

Started with a kiss, oh, we must stop meeting like this!

|——————————— ⴵ ———————————|

It was an early day at Nat's place. You were hanging out in her room, taking a look through physical photos she's taken that had been retrieved from a dusty box, sitting under her bed, along with some cassettes.

Meanwhile, she was going through the photos on her digital camera and clearing some accidental takes. her lips raises up when sees the photo you had taken of her, the day you first came over to her apartment. She didn't ever delete the picture.

"Hey, you have any batteries?" You ask, gently breaking the comforting quietness that had overcome the two of you. She looks up, taking her gaze off the camera screen.

"Yeah, there should be some in the top drawer." She nods towards her chestdrawer, and you get up, going off to open the top one, inside holding a small pack of batteries.

You grab two, then slide them into the battery slot for the cassette player, making sure it was properly inside before closing it and turning back to her.

Her eyes watch you as you picked up a cassette tape, placing it inside to play it. You already had your headphones on your head and connected to the output.

With some faith and a miracle, the player works after you heard some white noise. You hoped it'll last that way.

Nat tilted her head, and peeks to see the wheels of the player spinning, a clear indication it was working. When you turn up the volume a little, she could hear the music coming out from the old headphones she kept.

Thank everything the dust hadn't gotten into the box. Although there was a dead black spider within it just earlier and you had jumped when you saw it. She took care of it though, after also making sure there wasn't anything else, especially things such as...spider eggs.

You nod your head to the music as you sat back down on the bed, your hand going back through the photos scattered in a pile atop each other and every now and then petting Liho, beside you. It was all indeed scenery, and no portraits, selfies, or even people at all.

A specific one that was a bright glow of a sunset with water reflecting its own beauty had caught your attention, your eyes focused on it before your hand reached out.

"This one's pretty," you said, holding it up before leaning closer to Nat and tilting it to show it to her. She looked at it, and her eyebrows raised.

"Oh, I took that one a while after I saw the orca." She pointed out, and you realize how familiar it did look. The grass below, the rocks just ahead. It was the same spot as the pictures and videos she had showed you before. You guessed she wanted a physical memory of it too.

"There should be a picture of the orca here somewhere, but I think the film got a leak..." She murmured with a tinge of sadness as her hand ruffled through the pictures slightly, some with dates on them and some having nothing.

"I love that you waited for the sunset," you said, still staring at the shot she took in your hand. The sun was a bright orange, nearly similar in color as her hair.

"Well, the view was too pretty not to." She looked at you. You were also too adorable for her to not further fall in love with you as she saw you admiring the photos she took. That's what she thought, but it was never said out loud.

Liho, was laying down and purring between the two of you. She was quiet, and unmoving, too comfortable to do anything else but sit with the two people she liked the most.

When Nat's eyes went down to the pictures closer to your crossed legs, she spots the photo that had the orca, although just barely visible through the orange light leak that covered nearly the entire photo.

"Here it is," she said, her hand carefully taking ahold of it to give to you. You gently grabbed it, rotating it when you realize she gave it to you in the opposite way.

You raised your eyebrows, taking in the picture. It took a few seconds, with some squinting, but you soon see the orca jumping from the water, although small. "I think it looks prettier with the light leak."

She hums, taking another look to the picture in your hand. You smiled softly, and her eyes flickered up to your lips for a small moment before she turns back to her camera.

You notice the way she goes back to her camera, almost as if she was distracting herself, but you hadn't seen the flicker in her eyes. Tilting your head, you check the cassette player for a bit before looking up at her.

"You wanna listen?" You asked with a soft gaze, taking off the headphones on your head and holding it out to her.

She raised an eyebrow, but took it from you, putting it on. "Sure." the music was already flowing through her ears. 'American Pie'. She remembered this album. It was what she had listened to whenever she was alone, in the car peacefully. But it was different with the headphones-- capturing more details she hadn't noticed. Or, maybe, she just hasn't listened to it in a while and had forgotten.

You smiled as you see her involuntarily moving her head to the song, her attention going to inspect the cassette player, either watching the wheels turning or putting the volume up.

Soon after, you finish looking at every photo and get out of bed, deciding to walk towards the bathroom, but was too close to the bed, causing you to accidentally hit your hand against the wooden bedframe, it making a loud sound echo through the room.

"Ow, fuck!" You winced and cursed, grimacing at the pain. Both Nat and Liho looks at you, shocked. You were focused on your stinging hand though, shaking the pain away. It took everything in you to not crumple up like a shrimp to the floor.

"Are you okay?" she asks quickly, her eyes filling with concern. But you nod repetitively, unwilling to admit it still hurt. Your other hand was firmly gripping your wrist, as if it would help.

"I'm fine. I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine!" you say, most probably trying to convince yourself, too. She lets out a small laugh when she sees you wave her off and struggle as you moved to take a step forward.

"Sure you are. Come here." She says quietly, but you still heard her. You purse your lips and your eyes travel to her, but you follow nonetheless, two pair of eyes watching you.

"Which hand?" She asked gently, looking at your hands. You hesitate for a moment, but stepped closer, holding it out.

"Right." She grabs your hand and rubs her thumb on the skin slightly to where you held it, knowing thats where the pain is. She blows a little, as if you would magically take pain away from a child.

"There. Better." She says, and a red tint goes over your face. The redhead cheekily smiles. Just when she was about to pull her hand away from yours, the cat sitting in her lap had been looking at you two the whole time, and it decides to lean up, going up to your hand.

Both you and Nat watch curiously as to what it was doing. Liho's yellow eyes were focused before a paw gently lands on your wrist, her face going closer to lick on your skin, making the pain slowly go away even more. You chuckled, both at getting your skin tickled and the fact the cat tried to help ease the pain.

Then you see Nat's eyes travel to her cassette player, concern growing in her face as she heard some warbly music. She takes off the headphones, feeling uneasy at the sound.

"I think it's breaking." She said, looking at the headphones in her hands that you now heard the messed up music from. Pulling your hand away from the cat's face, your eyebrows furrowed as your attention moved to her.

"Why, what happened?" You check on the cassette player, seeing that it was slowing down or speeding up, changing its pace however much it wants.

Nat stops the player with a click and hands both items back to you. The feel of her skin brushing with yours glided over for a mere second, but you try to focus on the player in your hand. Changing its batteries after taking the tape out, rewinding or fast forwarding a bit. But nothing other than a broken noise.

You sighed softly, knowing you'll need to open it up to check its insides. "It probably needs a new belt..." You murmured, turning around while Nat blinked at you and tilted her head, probably unfamiliar with the workings of a portable player.

"It's what makes the wheels spin. I'll search for one," you explained, then left the player on the chestdrawer to deal with later before storing the tape and sitting down on the bed once more, helping her sort the pictures. Nat nods, leaning closer to show you some things on her digital camera.

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It was one of the many times once again, you were sitting in Natasha's apartment, and it was the beginning of something you were starting to get lost in.

The city bustles. Sounds of car tires, motorcycles revving, a nearby cat somewhere in an alleyway, and most of all, the birds chirping in the skies.

The wind was gentle as it glided against your skin, the chair you were sat in being a wooden one. You should get up from it. It was starting to make your body sore. But you couldn't help but stay, the balcony being peaceful.

Every thought in your head floated on by, with some sticking, being nothing but damaging. You still haven't gotten a belt yet for the cassette player. Kate's been just here and there, keeping a natural presence in your life. You haven't seen Wanda at all since. But your mind questioned if she was still waiting on you, lost too, or had moved on after your rejection.

A sigh leaves your mouth. To put a pause on all of it for however long you'd want would make you be able to relieve your body of any exhaustion it held. But would it really? Perhaps for a moment. Moving forward would have you release the things from before and have the opportunities to experience things in a better way.

And what about Nat...? You've been growing close, closer to going over the line you weren't sure you were ready to cross. And it seems like she wasn't either. The many touches you've shared, the months and months that held the many times you've visited her. And the kiss that you couldn't shake off...were you actually falling in love with her?

You shook your head, not wanting to even think about it. But you should. The longer you leave it be the more it could lead to torment and perhaps worser consequences. Problems don't fix themselves...most of the time.

Suddenly, you feel arms go around your waist, and you take a breath in, gasping softly in surprise, then turning your head to look behind you. The familiar touch was recognized soon enough, but seeing the redhead you cherished dearly makes you relax and lean back into her.

"I'm home." She said, resting her head on your shoulder as she gazed at you from behind, looking adorable. How can you not absolutely fall for this woman? You smiled softly, feeling your heart grow a little lighter, now that you weren't alone.

"Hi," you whispered, your hand gliding to your front to put over hers that was still on your waist. You hesitated on your next words, but the connection you felt with her urged you to. "I missed you."

Her eyes went to yours, but she didn't question it, replying back quietly, "I've missed you, too, любов." There it was again. You weren't imagining things when you had gotten drunk just a few days ago.

Wanda always said things in Russian, such as малыш (baby), but you've never heard of that word. Or maybe it wasn't Russian at all, and you were mixing up languages, but the accent made it lean towards being so.

You were going to ask her what it meant, but she spoke first. "You been okay?" She asks, her hands slipping off your waist as she pulls herself away from you and stood beside your standing figure. You watched her, seeing her gaze off to the view you've been staring off at the past hour.

"Yeah...I..." The words utter from your mouth quietly, then you licked your dry lips, diverting your own gaze. Should you tell her about the encounter you had a few days ago?

There was no harm in it, but your fingers fiddle with your pocket, the jean fabric rough against your skin before you slid your hand in the pockets. A sound of an ambulance siren sounded out distantly from the city, and you wait until it fades further away before talking.

"I saw Wanda a few days ago," You said, within a breath that could be counted as a sigh. At the mention of your ex's name, her eyes flash with surprise for a moment as she looks back to you, but she regains her composure fast enough.

Nat's head goes through her own thoughts, wondering if you meant intentionally or accidentally. Surely, accidentally. Or she hoped so. Why was she hoping so? She didn't know. Maybe simply because she was worried you'd fall into a dark hole, and not because her own heart was aiming for you...surely.

"Anything happen?" She asks, her eyebrows furrowing in concern. The redhead also leaned on the balcony rails beside you, feeling the gentle wind. The sun was falling down, so the skies were colored with gentle hues of orange and purple.

You didn't say anything back for just a few seconds, staying quiet as you were lost in decision, your eyes focused on a space elsewhere that wasn't her own eyes. Her face soften when she notices, and her voice was somehow gentler. "...That you're comfortable of sharing?"

Your lips raise up in the smallest smile for a moment, the swell in your heart obvious due to her thought to care in such a way. But the smile slowly fades as you remembered the memory.

"She wanted to get back together..." You start. Already, Nat raised a brow, a frown on her face. The metal rails of the balcony was cold on your skin when you stepped forward to lean against it.

Your shoulders were tense. When you realized they were, you let them relax and fall down just slightly with a quiet breath. "I didn't want to though." You whispered.

"I just can't get it out of my head." She didn't really know what to say to anything of it, afraid to touch on the sensitive subject. For you, it did some small damage, your head possibly going overboard with its roaming thoughts.

You can tell she had hesitancy to respond, but you didn't mind. Who could ever come up with a reply to that anyway? But Nat was kind, that was for sure. She just has some walls you just can't yet break through. Yet, how caring she's been, and gentle...you almost couldn't help but feel you're not half as decent as her.

You inhaled. "...What if she was just too good for me?" The words were under your breath, your gaze distant as you watch the city lights turning on with the growing darkness of the skies. The shops had a glow to them, almost alluringly.

"What if I don't deserve any of it?" Your hands gently gripped the metal it was against, but it slowly loosened when you feel the cold going too much against your skin. Nat's breath gets caught in her throat at your sentence, and she kept her eyes on you.

"What do you mean?" She asked, her voice gentle as her concern grew. She knew exactly what you meant, but she hoped she just imagined it. You turned to look at her, worry deep in your eyes that had her heart clenching.

"This. You...anything good in my life." Your volume lowered to a slight murmur, your hands going to run down your face when you rested your elbows further on the rails.

"I mean-- I've...done some good things but so...many horrible things." You said slowly, and she analyzed your movements and words. She knows it herself. She's accused herself of such a thing too, having gone through the same thing your mind is going through.

"Y/N." When she says your name with a serious tone, everything stops, as if the world freezes along with your mind, and only she was the living thing beside you. She had put one of her hands on your shoulder nearest to her, making you look at her again.

"You deserve everything. Please, don't think any less." She shook her head lightly, honesty in her eyes. Your heart stutters at her words as you swallowed a lump in your throat.

"She didn't..." she trails off, thinking her words carefully. She was going to say Wanda didn't deserve such a love like yours, but it simply sounded...wrong.

"You deserve a love that makes you happy and...makes your world feel like sunshine or just...takes the weight off your shoulders after a long day." The redhead explained slowly, making sure you were hearing her. Really, she was speaking a description of you. Even if she wasn't trying.

She had gotten home, saw you in her apartment, and any heaviness in her body had lightened, even if just slightly, your presence did a great deal.

Nat took a moment, gathering her words. "And if you're not enough for her, then she's not enough for you," she gently added, but anxiety was creeping in her heart.

You processed her words, your heart surprisingly steady, but that may be the cause of her very own calm presence beside you. At least, on the outside. She was right. The situation of the brunette was basically done and over with. You had to focus on yourself. But now stood the question right next to you.

"...And what are we?" You asked slowly and quietly, looking up at her. Your eyes met her green ones, the ones that look like a forest, but inviting, soft, as if they'd keep you safe.

She searches your pupils, taking a deep breath as her eyebrows furrowed, trying to think it over. Her mouth opened to speak, but she only ended up taking another breath in.

"I don't know." She whispers. Sounds of birds were heard flying over in the distance. She was right there. She was so close. But she couldn't say it. Not yet, not just yet. The light and hope in your eyes dimmed, a breath slowly and quietly exhaling out your lips.

"Well, it's getting late," you said. You weren't really disappointed, more so just...sad. You pushed yourself back from the rails. She saw the words that was coming next, but she almost didn't want to hear it.

"I should...probably get back to my place." You whispered under your breath, turning around to face the entrance of the balcony, where you could see her familiar furnished apartment. She nods.

Steps were taken, shots in the dark had gone, the only thing left was to sit and think. But you were getting bored of doing such a thing. Just as you stepped a single foot inside again, she turns her body calmly.

"Text me," she said suddenly, her eyes hesitantly traveling to yours. You stopped in your tracks and looked at her from over your shoulder, a somber look in your eyes she could just barely make out.

"...When you get back home," she continued, her voice quiet, but it held care. Your shoulders went down. Your home was her, where her heart was. There was something else, but you couldn't quite reach to whatever it was.

"I will." The words left your mouth softly, but it seems no tears had pricked your eyes at all. Maybe it was because you couldn't seem to form any at all anymore, or was it the fact she even cared to know you arrived home safely?

Your steps were quiet as you went out the apartment, Liho meowing softly before you closed the door. You don't want her like a best friend. Or just someone you could love without anything connected. You wanted more.

And you wondered if she thought the same.

end of chapter 11. <3

Series Masterlist <- Chapter 10 Final Chapter ->

to mend a broken heart is to restart.

"I don't truly deserve a love like yours." W.M

"She doesn't deserve a love like yours." N.R

"What if I...don't deserve anyone's love?" R.

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