#chrisjen really feels her guilt

[diver5ion]

[rocinawanda]

The Expanse - 6x01

Here we are, the final season has begun. I am both excited and devastated. SPOILERS.

First things first, fuck Marco Inaros. FUCK Marco Inaros. He was terrible before obviously, killing millions. But I truly hate him now for putting my favourite people through this horrible war. Everyone is broken and traumatised. Our poor Roci crew they all look exhausted and have been fighting for 6 months.

Focusing on the Rocinante, things are hard. Naomi is still feeling intense guilt over Alex’s death plus her experience on the Chetzemoka has her more cautious and worried for everyone. The scene with Jim near the drive plume, stop I could feel the fear she must’ve been in I almost cried. Then we have Amos and Clarissa (who is just doing her best). I fully understand the awkwardness and slight hostility towards Clarissa but c’mon she isn’t a threat anymore nor Alex’s replacement, we need synergy across our team. Hopefully soon.

Moving to Chrisjen and Bobbie on Earth. So the last 6 months have brought about 200 individual rock strikes against Earth, millions dying and the problems with the biosphere? I’ll be honest, I underestimated just how ‘dead’ Marco wanted Earth. He wants it gone, barren and desolate. Wiped out of the solar system with nothing left. How is there any coming back from this?

We have Drummer who has a bounty on her head and dwindling resources. I worry about her so much and wonder where she could go that she would be safe. Losing more of the belter fam won’t be easy either, I really wish she could join the Rocinante.

I have to mention Filip as he was shown so much in this episode and I pretty much hate him. A true product of his upbringing I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt last season as he was reconnecting with Naomi but after hitting her he lost any sympathy I had for him. That continues in this episode with him treating that bartender woman like shit and killing his friend! Seriously wtf. He’s having regrets now? Fighting himself with the “I’m a hero and everyone worships me” versus “I’m a loser murderer and no one chants my name”. Should be interesting to see the fallout of his story.

So much else happened in the cracks as per usual like the little girl on Ring #673 Planet 2 ‘Laconia’ with the cool animals, Amos wants to kill Marco and finding the Free Navy spotter but this post is already long. Alas season 6 is here and it is 6 episodes. I’m sad I don’t want this show to end but it must. Funnily enough the finale coincides with my birthday week so that will be fun.

[radley-writes]

okay so... who... do you ship.... in th Expanse

HGGG NO YOU CAN’T ASK ME THAT IT’S EVIL

I basically have... three tiers of ships? 

1) It’s canon/practically canon

Naomi/Holden! The obvious one. You can’t get through this series and not ship them. Can you?? I mean, they’re a loving, competent power couple with a beautiful slow-burn. Their relationship arc isn’t quite Enemies to Lovers, but it’s definitely Opposing Sides to Lovers, so there’s some glorious moral tension there. And just. Healthy relationships! Where they respect each other’s space and always have each other’s back (especially in the novels)! Yes??? 

Naomi/Drummer! They had a thing!! You can FEEL IT!!! I don’t ship them as a Current Relationship, because no way would Drummer be into Holden sorry Holden and they’re both Too Professional but it’s GOD TIER QUEER YEARNING and I thrive 

Chrisjen/Arjun! Old and gold. Another power couple. Their interactions soften my heart, even when they’re on opposite sides of the solar system. Arjun just... melts Chrisjen out of her hardass shell. T.T

Anna/Namono! my wlw wifey darlings! Would kill for them, die for them, etc. Too precious for words.

Michio Pa/all her husbands & wives! Nuff said, queer poly awesomeness.

Miller/Julie! HAHA JUST KIDDING, WE DO NOT STAN FALLING IN LOVE WITH WOMEN WE’VE NEVER MET WHO ARE HALF OUR AGE no hate on folx who ship it, you do you

2) It’s never gonna be canon and I respect that but I would still read an epic fanfic about them

Naomi/Holden/Alex/Amos! Because poly relationships are already so accepted and normalised in The Expanse universe, and I want more. Gotta say, I don’t really?? Hardcore ship?? Amos with anyone anymore. He’s pan/bi, but I headcanon him as aromantic (plus, he doesn’t “shit where [he] eats”, as we all know). If I had to queerplatonically ship him with another main Squad character... I PICK ALL OF THEM 

[Edit:I have been kindly reminded that Holden does propose to the entire crew so... technically... I now pronounce this CANON FUCK YES]

Chrisjen/Bobbie! I’M NOT SORRY I’M JUST A SLUT FOR TINY BOSSY FEMME x BIG BUFF LADY BODYGUARD 

3) Pure nonsense

Fred Johnson/Anderson Dawes! Don’t even ask, I just love the sometimes-enemies, sometimes-allies, bastard old generals who understand each other vibes. Their history is juicy. There’s so much guilt on Fred’s side and Anderson - down to his name - is the perfect foil.

[caribbeanmomma]

The Expanse - Naomi on the sidelines

I’m hoping that anyone and everyone is watching this awesome show. Maybe it’s because I love me a good scifi show (cue Battlestar Gallactica and Star Trek theme songs...). My only issue with the show is that I can’t watch this in one go like my other faves on Netflix. 

I’m sure everyone that loves the show have probably gone back and rewatched the episodes before season 3 started (amirite? Or is it only me?). This second time around gave me a lot to chew on when thinking about how the crew - mainly Holden - is treating Naomi.

Now, I haven’t read the books and am actually planning to, so I don't know what’s to come in the series (if they stick mainly to the book plot) apart from they supposedly are still together 6 books in? But for right now, Naomi is getting a rough handling by her family.

Yes, yes... we all know that she gave a sample of the protomolecule to Fred Johnson. Was she right? I’m not sure if she should have given it to him (better him than Dawes?) but we do know that he was manipulated in to killing those people on the Anderson Station and we saw that he had guilt and regret over it, so he may not be the biggest worst monster out there? Will he do the right thing with the protomolecule or will he really live up to his reputation as the Butcher of Anderson Station?

Anyways, back to Naomi... so one of the last sweet scenes we see between her and Holden is where he promised her “he’d love her through it all” but when she confesses what she’s done - he, along with one of the other most important persons in her life - Amos, turn on her vehemently. In the last episode, we see Holden basically telling her to leave. That certainly isn’t loving someone through it all.

What grinds my gears is that Holden, in his well placed mistrust of Fred Johnson, could not or would not see Naomi’s point of view or at least understand that her fears for the Belt and the Belters is warranted. Neither he nor Amos (who are both Earthers) nor Alex who is a Martian seemed to even bother to see the Belters as worthy as needing protection - preferring to lean towards a more wholistic approach to dealing with the war. All this even though Mars has a big hand in the events that have unfolded - even going as far as unleashing a hybrid on their own Martian Marines.

And another thing - yes, Fred Johnson using the protomolecule as a weapon against Earth and Mars would lead to more death something that everyone on the ship now including Chrisjen are furious about - but were they equally furious at the possibility of even more Belters being killed with it by Earth and Mars’ hands? Weren’t the Belters experimented on first?

Right, so having said all of that, and understanding that Holden does feel betrayed by Naomi for misleading him all this time AND bearing in mind that the sample that was supposed to be hurtled in to the sun was thought to be the last bit of it at the time (but subsequently finding out that it was indeed was NOT), can we truly say she has done the worst of the worst among this group of deeply flawed individuals? I say not. Case in point - some of the things these guys have done:

Holden - responds to the distress beacon against orders which in turn gets the whole thing rolling ever so much faster. He got everyone left on the Cant killed and Naomi covered for him until he was ready to reveal it to Amos, Alex and the guy who died fairly early on (forget his name!). I do wonder though, would Holden have covered for Naomi when Chrisjen was ripping in to them for allowing Fred Johnson to get his hands on the sample? At least Naomi gets a few reasons out for her actions without anyone shutting her up... again.

Miller - when presented with the opportunity to learn from one of the crazy scientists who was responsible for the protomolecule experiments, what does he do? He shoots him clean in the head - no real compelling reason apart from he was one of the dudes who killed Julie - a woman he’d never met while she was alive. The doctor could have helped - he made sure that didn’t happen. And wasn’t he considered to be a traitor to the Belters? Did Naomi care about that?

Prax - when presented with a room full of unarmed doctors who might have been able to lead them to his daughter and the location of more of the protomolecule, what does he do? He opens fire on them leading to yet another sh*t show. Uh, how do dead doctors help you find your daughter Prax? Yeah, thought so.

Amos - he doesn’t really do anything that I can remember that sets them back significantly but he’s guilty of not trying to see Naomi’s side and easily ignores and dismisses her. He who seems to be barely holding on to his sanity most episodes and he does this knowing Naomi’s got his back. No loyalty.

Alex - he also hasn’t done anything with regards to the mission that sets them back, but he is a lousy father and husband and has failed them on a deep level but Naomi doesn’t seem to judge him for it (luckily, he redeems himself by being anxious when he sees her looking at the path to Tycho while on the Razor Back and then reaching out to her through food - yay Alex!)

So these guys really aren’t blameless. Even Chrisjen is a manipulative person and sometimes you can hardly tell what her real agenda is - she has so many subplots going she’s always ten steps ahead. But Naomi sees clean through her though.

Bobbie is a defector - yes, she did what she did for what she thought were the right reasons. I didn’t get the impression she was going to be killed back on Mars, rather stripped from her rank as a Marine. Her people consider her a traitor but she’s being cheered for doing the right thing.

I’m going to close this dissertation by saying, I know that for the sake of the story and plot and in order not to turn the whole thing in to a space soap opera, there needs to be this conflict and some time taken to resolve it in order for it to stay true to what kind of show it primarily is. Doesn’t mean that it doesn’t suck though. Maybe we’ll see some steps closer to resolution in the next episode.

[the-roci]

The Expanse Dump 2x12 *Here be spoilers*

This has been sitting on my laptop, which I didn’t have access to, and I’m so tempted to go back and edit/add some things after thinking about them, but I’ll leave it be. I'm happy blonde scientist is dead, just seeing her in the recap annoys me. Watching Rick Grimes for years has turned me a little cold. #RickGrimesForLife. Errinwright open, okay. He's a piece of shit but he has nice eyes. Oh no no no no, don't get a son involved in this. It’s too late for that. Of course the son wears a blazer though. His name is probably Preston or Duncan. I bet he probably goes to York Prep or some futuristic equivalent and doesn’t care how much money he drops on bud. I hate him. Alex, however, I love. Why can’t we get an entire episode about Alex (probably because we only get 13 a season and there isn’t enough time to even squeeze a good ten minutes out of them). Our boys being hunters though, I can get behind that. Not that I think their hunt can accomplish a heck of a whole lot, but what can you do, boys will be boys. I love the history callbacks. Oooooooh. 'Don't talk down to me, plant guy.' Holden's got jokes. Holden’s behavior needs to break, man. Or we need more of his PTSD coming through because it’s honestly so hard to connect to him, and I’m so scared the audience is going to drift too far away from him to come back when his behavior shifts. And it’s not fair to his character. Jefferson and Jody. Okay, not as bad as I assumed, but still cringe worthy. Fuck. Errinwright is….confusing me. He’s in too deep to step away from the game completely, and I really don’t think anyone as ruthless as him can be 100% genuine about what they’re up to, but maybe this is a last ditch effort on his part? Even if it is though, I have a feeling that it’s more about appeasing to Avasarala’s humanity in an attempt to get her fully on his side rather than protecting his children. Or maybe the parental instincts are kick in. Let’s talk about Avasarala’s humanity for a second because they’re playing it up and I’m lapping it up like a freaking kitten. Avasarala is BAMF AF, but she’s also human. The juxtaposition of Avasarala !Madame Secretary and Avasarala!wife/mother/grandmother has been one of my favorite transformations to watch throughout the series. Especially because she slips into both roles so effortlessly. This though, dealing with Erringwrite’s betrayal, watching him ready himself for whatever punishment is in store for him, likely cuts through her Madame Secretary and hits Chrisjen square in the chest. Because as hard as she is, she’s also a person who has worked with this man for the past x amount of years and damn if this isn't twisting her insides a bit. Pair this with seeing her out of her element – on a ship heading into space, man, they’re all these little details just paint such a full picture of her. And even if I love her being this large, unapologetic, and imposing figure, it’s good to remember that she’s much more than just that. That shaky breath at launch, the need for distraction, the nausea, gimme more of this. And this is what cuts through to Bobbie isn’t it? She’s not just dealing with Avasarala Defender of Earth, she’s dealing with a woman who’s just trying to do her dang job, but it’s hard to see the person underneath, isn’t it? Last week we had Alex in his element and now we have Naomi. I live for this shit. Look at her assess the situation in seconds and take the reins. Just move, dude, you’re in the way and giving me more work to do. She breathes this shit, doesn’t she? Earned degrees in record time, can computer equations and conversions like she's having a conversation about the weather. Naomi Nagata oozes competence and she deserves to show that more on screen. Cotyar is quickly climbing the ranks of the ‘characters I love’ list. They keep throwing us these scarps about his past and they’re just delicious teases. What does it say about his relationship with Avasarala that he’s the reason her son got killed? Is that what pulled him away from being a ‘spy’? #Salty Bobbie is my favorite Bobbie. All I want is for Bobbie and Cotyar to reluctantly start respecting one another and then liking each other! Hmm...errinwright is going to give himself an early exit, isn't he? That doesn’t really seem in line with his - Oh yep, there it is. He is. Why does that make me....a little sad? It definitely doesn't have to do with Preston and Barbara, tell ya that much. Listen, if Holden doesn’t completely break down by the end of this episode – although, I would take the season finale (WHAT?!?), too, I’m gonna be thoroughly unimpressed. This dude is cracking under the weight of his experience on Eros and the knowledge that Eros wasn't the end. And we’re not seeing it. We’re only seeing the negative behavior stemming from it all. I mean, there’s Alex, of course there’s Alex, because Alex likes trying to fix people, but maybe doesn’t always pick the best moments to try to connect. I’m gonna need a lot more of Alex’s POV in the third season because he’s more than walking moral support, but I’ll let that thought go for now. That shift from ‘Jim’ to ‘Sir’ though. These people are more than shipmates, and Alex is trying to connect to Holden on such a personal level because he knows this isn’t Jim, but there’s so much static to cut through that all the messages get lost in translation and Holden continues to slip away because of it. He needs someone to grab him by the shoulders and pull him out of the murky waters but he’s flailing and pushing away every attempt to help him. And it’s honestly trying to get through to Holden or keeping them alive, so of course Alex professionals up, switches to Sir and continues on because that’s all that can be done for now. Huh, so, is Errinwright not taking himself out? Or is he taking himself and the Martian out? That would be a way to go! Oh, huh, wrong again. Man, I’m awful at predicting things. Errinwright is definitely keeping himself in the game then. I can relate to Bobbie in the fact that I too go straight for the food. I take it back, I take it all back, errinwright is a scum bag and I love it. Well, I hate it, but you gotta admire his tenacity. Also, I appreciate all the fuck bombs. Without a doubt, this entire sequence, with, and around Naomi, has been the most tragic thing the show has done. On one hand, of course Naomi would inspire the Belter to do the right thing. Of course she would. And she did it on her own, without the help or protection of Amos, because she’s a resourceful mother fucker, and I’m so thankful she’s allowed to have this agency without the presence of another character. And imagine what she feels when she looks at the monitors and sees all those Belters waiting to die. Especially considering she already feels conflicted about being forced to leave the Belt and turning her back on her own people once before. And now we have the additional information about her son. How he was taken from her, but she likely had to come to terms with his feelings of abandonment, and now she’s being asked to do it all again. Only this time, it means people die. God, how tired do you think she must feel? Just this stretched out feeling in her stomach, a wound that never had time to properly heal, and there it is again, raw and open in ways she’s not ready to feel again. Or maybe she has been feeling it, but now it’s pulled to the surface in ways she can’t quite hide from herself or from others. So, she does the one thing she needs to do for herself – help people, regardless of the cost, even if the cost is her own life. And I’m sure all the guilt she has been feeling from her past is mixed into the decision to offer her life up for a stranger, and ugh, I’m not ready to process that. I don’t want to say too much, but I’m in awe at how much Naomi cares, and how much weight she must be carrying from a past we’ve only begun receiving peeks into. Welp, that destroyed me. Utterly destroyed me. The husband (?) getting right to the door, but having to stay behind. I’m on the floor. There’s more to talk about, but man, how do you keep going after that end. I’m not even sure I have it in me to talk about Holden. Thank god Alex got through to him, and hopefully, hopefully, this is the turning point, but we’ll have to see what happens next episode.