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#classmates from ccd. didnt expect it. so rare to see boys cry. my first funeral. i didnt bring any tissues. no one told me to. how would i.
alittleemo · 17 days
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#genuinely not sure where to go . who to ask. do you just drive to cemeteries and ask for their directory. do they have those.#not at a point where i can ask my mother. have not heard his name from her mouth since july. not sure i could stomach hearing it now.#ive read the obituary again. all it says is the service address. private internment. the church is too small for him to be there.#reading a wikihow on how to find people graves. if it wasnt so sad it would almost be funny. he would probably laugh.#going home soon. the light is never on in his old room. the path between our houses is overgrown.#two winters ago i used the front sidewalk to shovel snow from the path. they had already moved. i didnt go inside. i remember it anyway.#hard to go through summer when i will hear his name for an entire month. funny that i was born that month but it was your name.#there isnt a guide on grieving for your childhood best friend but i wish i had gotten something. no one ever talks so why would it change.#so rare we were all at dinner that night. sister couldnt reschedule her sat. missed the funeral. no one told me until the night before#classmates from ccd. didnt expect it. so rare to see boys cry. my first funeral. i didnt bring any tissues. no one told me to. how would i.#wish i had been there again. sitting in your kitchen swinging outside and in the basement. making potions. camping in the drive. sledding.#drafted a tag about going on swings with you again someday. realized it read verbatim my memorial for you. you have to come down.#when i get home ill find your stone wherever it is. ill leave you some coke and mentos. save me a seat for now.#long post#going to bed now. good night.#lee's bullshit
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