#clinic was BR00TAL today

[haptureratch]

Can I just run around placing ultrasound guided IVs as my job?

No thoughts 🚫 Just poke 💉

[rhgakkduv]

Today I found out the miscarriage I had in January resulting in the d&c I had in February was a girl. And it's like grief all over again.

The hospital has made this an even more awful experience than I ever needed it to be. First of all, they handed me fetal demise papers for a 7 week old embryo not 20 minutes before my d&c in pre-op. My doctor didn't know my history. No one prepared me for the week of cramping/bleeding/hormonal barrage/and grief I'd experience. I went back to work a few days later not knowing how hard it'd be. I felt like a raw nerve. Also, they intubated me, charged me and my insurance nearly $30k. During an abortion they put me in twilight and charged me less than $800... Just saying. My recovery was significantly quicker. I didn't cramp or bleed as long. I didn't have these lasting urinary bladder affects and cramping. If I have another miscarriage I'm just going to go to the clinic. My doctor didn't tell me she was going to give me meds to make me contract... I woke up in severe pain that I wasn't expecting.

Seriously?

The hospital isn't disposing of my miscarriage remains to top it off. I had to contact a funeral home and pay $50 to cremate remains that won't give remains... There will be nothing after burning 200mL of blood and tissue. The other option was to have them burry it in a mass baby grave. Absolutely not. I will not be apart of that. It's also taking a long time...

I'm miserable. I'm annoyed. I'm so so hurt.

I'm waiting to get my period so we can explore what anomaly lies within my uterus that caused the miscarriage.

My "bestie" was inspired by my pregnancy so she got pregnant. I'm happy for her but also hurt by the timing.

My partner doesn't seem to understand grief... Or he's just fine.

Rn I'd be 16 weeks. I'd probably be showing. Jeez. The reality is br00tal.

My abortion was really not traumatic. I grieved my inability to be a parent at the time, wasn't able to give baby what they'd need, stability, wasn't sure about the love... I was so angry. But as I calmed down and got my footing I think about at this point it'd be turning 2 this summer. And I think I'll always keep that baby and this miscarriage baby close in my heart.

I know it's complex but it's real. And maybe somebody needs to hear that this happens. Maybe someone will see this.