#convos about movements are askinormative and i dont want to contribute to that

[hindahoney]

I'm a conservative conversion student with a mikveh date of 08/07 and I wish I was excited but it just feels hollow. I've been at this for 7 years on my own, and 1 year with a rabbi. He had me take a class (that was far to beginner for me, which I mentioned to him and he said “I don’t want you wasting your time on this class if you’re not getting anything from it… well see you in class”) and we've only met individually like 4 times - we've literally talked for less than an hour total. Our last meeting was 5 minutes and consisted of “so do you want go to the mikveh soon?”. It’s been my call this whole way, he hasn’t expressed any opinion or really guided me anywhere. He hasn’t really gauged where I’m at at all, no “how many times a day are you praying?” or “how did you celebrate shavuos?” etc. It just feels so frustrating. I would convert modox if I could but my fiance is not jewish and I'm not asking him to convert. I just feel like I haven't learned anything and I haven’t been challenged at all through this process. It just rubs me the wrong way because this should be hard, some people should get a no, and we should be pushed. Sorry for venting, I’m just feeling really down about this whole thing.

I know how frustrating this must be for you, and I agree that it should be hard and some people should be told no. At my university's Hillel, the rabbi there has an "introduction to judaism" class that meets for one hour a week for eighteen weeks and at the end of it if you get a good grade they just ask if you want to convert and if you do, you get a mikveh date (This class had no testing, and was based entirely on if you just showed up). I was talking about this with the rabbi and asked if they'd ever turned someone away, or if they had ever had someone go to the beit din and determine the person was not yet ready, and they said no, not in all twenty years they had done this class. I knew someone in this class so I asked for the syllabus and reading list, and it was incredibly lack-luster and didn't explain a lot of core concepts of Jewish observance or history (Obviously, how can you learn 4,000 years of history in 18 hours?), did not require you to read the Torah, or to learn any Hebrew at all. The class didn't teach prayers for different occasions, nor did it touch on bible stories and characters. These were supposedly conservative conversions.

I'm not saying "Oh reform and conservative conversions are always bad because theyre not observant etc etc" because I don't believe that, and if an orthodox rabbi did the same thing I would also think it wasn't good enough. What I AM saying is, regardless of whatever movement the person is converting to, they deserve to have a good and thorough education, enough to be able to determine it fits with their wants, needs, and lifestyle. They deserve to know what they're getting into, and are really (in my opinion) owed time, attention, dedication, and care by their sponsoring rabbi. You deserve to have a rabbi who cares enough to make the course more challenging or complex for your needs, and who is willing to make time to meet with you outside of class. You deserve to know about the mitzvot you're going to be saddled with after you convert, because it's not like you can just de-convert, and you should be educated on the various halachic interpretations to decide which one fits for you. You should be thoroughly educated on Jewish history so you understand the people and culture you are joining, and the burden (and blessing) you are putting on your own shoulders by being a part of the Jewish people. To do any less is a disservice to you.

You have two options, the way I see it. You can either complete this conversion, which will be relatively simple from how it sounds, and you will officially be recognized as a Jew by both conservative and reform movements. This will allow you to go on Birthright and other similar programs (internships, educational trips, job offers to Israel, etc) and opens the door for you to go to a seminary or yeshiva that accepts conservative conversions. If you aren't satisfied still, you can try to do another conversion through modox. Or, you can forego the conservative conversion and seek out a modox rabbi instead.