#could give myself another allergic reaction. then i'd actually feel something that wasn't numb frustration
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#vent#tired. been tired for a while.#oscillating between overwhelmed frustrated and too tired to be anything but numb#basically since last sem's exam season stared i have been slowly falling into a pit of something.#don't know what don't know why#need a break#not going to get one#feels like i didn't get to have a break between semesters#got mold in my room triggered ocd really bad#now i don't have anywhere to put my clothes and being in my room makes me feel like i'm choking so my sleep has been worse#and i don't feel safe in ther#and i can't retreat anywhere when i'm overwhelmed so i just get more overstimulated#then feel shit about being upset with people for no reason -> furthers the cycle because i'm mad at myself#and big emotions make me more overwhelmed#and my room is so so cluttered too and i don't know if i can clean anything any more#and i tried to use the mold spray we have and it didn't work so i gave myself hives using something else#but we did have mold spray and i no longer care about my skin#could give myself another allergic reaction. then i'd actually feel something that wasn't numb frustration#<- not what i'm going to do just. a thought. needs to not be in my head#i still smell chlorine and dettol. it's not anywhere im just smelling it#just generally. exhausted as shit#and tired of my brain and my body and my surroundings#need to reset somehow but don't have the means
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