#couldnt decide which crop to post so here is both of them

[quixoticquark]

[penguinkyun]

chapter 147 review

you all know the superstition of walking under a ladder right? well the other day I walked under a ladder and I think all that bad luck has been relegated to this manga specifically. lets get into it shall we?

anyways to quote samejima abiko: you turned my babies into idiots. how in the name of hoshino ai did ruby not recognise Kamiki Hikaru, known to look a lot like Her Brother of Eighteen Years Hoshino Aqua, to the point he is Literally Cosplaying His Own Father in the movie. YOU ARE TWINS. HOW DID YOU NOT SEE YOUR OWN FEATURES. the only explanation is that they both received face blindness from ai. the reason why aqua couldnt find kamiki for years despite looking a lot like him. he just did not recognise the fucker.

honestly this chapter really just framed exactly how badly ruby has been done as a character by this arc. the movie arc is from chapters 108-147. that spans 39 chapters making it officially the longest arc in oshi no ko. In chapter 108, she is in double black hoshigan mode, angry at everyone, and especially at aqua for revealing their secret and wanting to get revenge on the guy who killed both ai and goro. we progress through till the interpersonal audition mini arc where ruby is confronted with her past life as sarina tendouji, forced to face her issues with abandonment and her previous toxic mother and the story was setting up to give her an understanding with ai and have actually deal with her past life issues…and then aqua had to go and be a good brother. im kidding, but really, the reveal hit a reset button on ruby’s behaviour but in a way that somehow also did a 180 even on her previous arc self.

@all-of-her-light has a really good post on rubys character arc so i won’t go much into detail but, the arc has a lot of contradictions with her; when ruby says she’s been acting all her life, but that recontextualizes her actions in a way that feels utterly wrong to who her character was established as, someone desiring to be an honest idol and going very far to emulate that. every single one of these threads are dropped in favour of ruby emulating a 2010s little sister, leaving very little room for any introspection about ruby with kana, aqua and even ai (despite 134).

like in 134 she sees the suffering ai had to go through and decides she won’t be an idol like her mother and in this chapter she? wants to be an idol just like ai? I thought she already got past this! And since this arc is ending wow has there been no resolution for the aqrb. incredible. this is like the rbkn conflict again, with no proper resolution aside from them being friends again, because none of the actual issues have been addresses, such as ruby intentionally shoving kana and mem out in the cold and bringing herself into focus in public eye (which was handled by management in the same way ai and first gen bkom was and well. we saw how that turned out.).

anyway. in the end ruby apparently has returned back to square one on understanding ai, with no resolution for either of her relationships with aqua and kana and we’re only left with the tiniest glimpse into how she feels about her father but nothing about yknow. ACTING AS HER MOTHER’S CORPSE FUCKING HELL—

despite ruby’s parallels with yura katayose before her untimely death via kamiki (back with the milk) i dont…really think he was going to kill ruby here. His expressions in this chapter are nowhere near murderous, and look rather concerned actually. Even when looking at his hand, it doesn’t look like he was trying to push her down the stairs, but instead reaching out to hold her shoulder or something. also

WHITE HOSHIGAN???????? WHITE HOSHIGAN HIKARU?????????

important lives, lives of value, the weight of life…these things do keep cropping up with kamiki huh?

ALSO NINO IS BACK SHES HERE SHES BACK EVERYONE THIS IS NOT A DRILL

so. i had theorized that the reason akane was so absent was because she was off doing detective stuff on kamiki and the actual reason is infinitely funnier. my darling girl. akane. were you perhaps by any chance stalking him to try and catch him in the act of literally killing someone. did you not fear for your life at all. i'm just imagining she gives the same glare everytime kamiki catches her in the act of stalking, like this is somehow exactly where shes supposed to be. good for her. its even funnier that both nino AND kamiki are aware of this and have just. done nothing. i need a montage of akane stalking kamiki stat.

I DIDNT THINK YOU MEANT LITERALLY AKANE

finally. some kamiki pov. this is enrichment for me. interesting he says "pay my dues" regarding what? ai? the twins? something else? also that kaburagi mention,,,, implying that he was the one to push for kamiki to be anonymous and not kamiki himself. the secret villain kaburagi agenda grows…

side note: it always strikes me how much ruby with double black hoshigan looks like a horror movie porcelain doll.

girl you are terrifying

anyway wow we're really. we're really skipping past the rest huh. so no introspection on how ruby feels playing the corpse of her mama and finally knowing exactly how everything went down that day huh. okay. thats really just par for the course atp.

and now again. the timeline, especially for hkai is…are we even filming in order? i thought we finished filming melt already…

here it looks like the actual breakup and this takes place post concert where hikaru brings the flowers (with kindaichi the tokyo blade director…shrimptresting) in panelling but we're shown theyre still on good terms during murder suicide. so the timeline we have for us in the movie is apparently:

hkai meet and go on a date -> ai confronts airi and hkai actually begin dating -> hkai are still on good terms a year before dome concert when murder suicide occurs -> breakup occurs sometime after that (making it quite recent before ai's death, which would make the conversation they have on phone make sense, with hikaru asking if ai wants to get back together)

the issue with that is how did ai hide this from everyone, incl. her kids? while i do think hikaru wanted it hidden because he goes off the grid from 16-25 im still??? how??? this is so confusing (they might've filmed out of order but then its still ????)

and we didn't get two major things: The I Cant Love You scene and whatever the forgiveness was about despite it being mentioned earlier this chapter. also kamiki has not been shown to be connected in anyway to the murders other than the movie becoming The Kamiki Movie halfway through so…aqua's plans that he came up with as a toddler sure are confusing huh.

and again. we were utterly robbed of any introspection ruby could've gotten on, once again finally knowing what happened that day considering no one told her anything and she only saw the blood on the frosted glass. speaking of people who know what happened, if we're talking about aqua, who has a panic attack every time he remembers this and was not shown to be present, im concluding gotanda kicked him off set for that moment. hes grounded. forceful self care by your mentor making sure you don't make yourself have a horrific panic attack again.

god. ending this review on a good note that i enjoyed hikaru's pov and nino being back but it really served as a highlight to why this arc annoyed me so much and especially rubys character assassination

sigh. break next week on account of golden week in japan and then finale or pre finale arc. lets see what that brings us, shall we?

[insomnihan]

han’s Entire Thoughts and Feelings on Dreamcatcher’s “Boca”

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

there are no read mores here so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

ALRIGHT SO-

THE SONG HAD THE F UCKING NERVE THE AUDACITY THE GUMPTION AND THE GALL TO BE AS BOMB AS IT IS literally the moment i heard that rain and thunder i was f cukity F CIKED the way that they just know how to work with more gentle verse parts and theN PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE WITH THE CHORUS ITSELF SPEAKING OF THE CHORUS ITS F UCKING CRAZY??????????? THAT????????? GODDAMN GUITAR????????????? OWNS MY ASS??????????? OH MY F UCKING GOD JUST THE WAY GAHYEON STARTS IT OFF TO EASE US INTO IT HMMMMMMMMMM- THE ABSOLUTE POWER IN DAMIS FIRST RAP........... SHES SICK™ FOR THAT!!!!!! ‘HOLD UP’ YEAH HOLD UP I WASNT READY DAMN IT!!!!!!!!!!!! THEN DAMIS AND GAHYEONS RAPS IN THE SECOND VERSE YOU CANT EXPECT TO BE OKAY AFTER THAT™ ARE YOU SERIOUS- just all of their voices............ the way theyre just so powerful and emotional and you can tell............. siyeon pls your high notes holy f uck-

WHAT IM SAYING Is this song was such a good follow up to scream like F UCK i literally ask after every comeback ‘will they top this’ and tHEN THEY DO

i was so boo boo the fool like i really thought since diamond and breaking out fell into the same genre that it wouldnt be intense like This im 🤡

SO I WILL BE USING THE COMEBACK SHOWCASE TO TALK ABOUT THE DANCE BC OH MY GOD- so they all said that this song was their hardest dance yet................. queens of dance I F UCJUNG SWEAR

FIRST OF ALL THE BEGINNING POSE IS EVERYTHING™

THE PART AFTER THAT WITH DAMI PULLING YOOHYEON INTO HER SINGING PART....................... i just like it a lot

HONESTLY DAMIS ENTIRE PART

YOOHYEONS PART BEFORE THE CHORUS

THE ACTUAL CHORUS

both the upside down triangle hand symbol AND then for ‘boca’ where they make their hands like a mouth................... Iconic™

GAHYEON WITH THE FLAGS?????????? HELLO????????

and then dami................................. i-

the flags............... sua and jiu and yoohyeon.......... Thinking A Lot™

this part with jius bridge lives rent free in my brain

sua sitting on the dancers shoulders and singing the most hard hitting lyrics in the song thats it thats the bullet point

just................. the WHOLE ENDING

shouldve really just put the entire damn video here but i already wrote it out

THEY NEVER PLAY AROUND WITH THE VISUALS EVER!!!!!!!!!!! THE COLORS ARE ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS AND VIBRANT THE SETS ARE SO DREAMLIKE???????? I WISH I CAN FULLY EXPLAIN IT BUT ALL I COULD REALLY DO IS DESCRIBE THEM AS THEY ARE- THE PINK SET THEY DANCE IN IS SO COOL TO ME THE PLACE WITH THE TREES AND GRASS AND THEYRE DANCING IN THE F UCKING WATER AND WHERE GAHYEON HURTED US WITH HER RAP AND WHEN THEYRE ALL JUST STANDING AROUND LIKE BEAUTIFUL PRINCESSES AND WHERE YOOHYEON SAT AMAZINGLY- AND WHERE SIYEON STANDS WITH ALL THE BUSTS WITH TAPE OVER THEIR MOUTHS THE SYMBOLISM™!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEN WHEREVER DAMI WAS IN GENERAL.................. [REST]

TIME TO SHOW WHICH SCENES I LIKED

THE WHOLE F UCKING THING MOVING ON-

T H E M

okay................................ everyone who follows me KNOWS that im just so whipped for all these women if i was a Brave Bicth™ id tell them they were all beautiful every day to their faces but if this is your first time seeing this CHAOTIC AS F UCK series of posts then-

LOOKATTHEMBEINGBEAUTIFULANDETHEREALPRINCESSESINONESCENETHENBADBITCHESINTHENEXTAREYOUKIDDINGMEICANTBELIEVETHEYREALLYOUTHERELOOKINGLIKETHIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JIU

BELLE????????????? BELLE IS THAT YOU???????????? why does Miss JiU over here just got to be one of the most beautiful women in the GODDAMN UNIVERSE I CANT STAND THIS LOOK AT THIS PICTURE!!!!!! i wont lie to yall but it was gonna be this one or the one kinda at the beginning where shes wearing red..................... and....................... her neck- THE RED IS FIRE BY THE WAY AND THE SAME OUTFIT BUT IN LIKE R.o.S.E BLUE WITH THE CHAIN STEP ON ME- and the black one that we dont really see a lot of.................. the sheer of it............ bicth-

SUA

yes it was absolutely necessary for me to use this shot

OFC MY BICTH ASS NEARLY FELL OFF HIS F CUKING BED WHEN SHE SHOWED UP IN THE TEASER JUST COVERED IN WATER I SWEAR I COULDNT BREATHE FOR LIKE TEN MINUTES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! first of all the red and blue ones just one sleeve and those shorts and all those belts I DUNNO JUST THIS WOMAN AND CROP TOPS OKAY IM LOSING IT IM THIS 👌 CLOSE and then the white dress i cant stand her i really cant-

SIYEON

HOOOOOOOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO MISS LEE SIYEON OUT FOR MY NECK I SEE- i just wanna point out first that i love her love for pants like the rest of the outfits are gonna be worn for performing and they all have those baggy pants she loves so much pls shes everything im 🥺🥺🥺 tho the braids and the high ponytail without and yknow what WITH BANGS TOO im........................ i cant stop staring at this picture-

YOOHYEON

SHE IS NOW A LARGE AND SCARY DOG-

this specific hairstyle in the screenshot........ the braids the safety pins with the brown and pink or whatever it was like three different colors just the Serve™ she is serving in that with that outfit and the back of her skirt is long than the front im weak in the knees for you maam- oH THAT F UCKING RED ONE GRABBED MY NECK NAILS INTO MY SKIN AND ALL AND ENDED ME HONESTLY and that chain necklace.......................... keeping words to myself-

DAMI

SHES SO HOT AND FOR WHAT my god this blue hair she is WORKING IT- i had such a difficult time even finding a good screenshot of her and i know the moment i just decided with this one that i was just gonna keep getting distracted by it and i am rn as i type this GOD- the all black outfit she shows up in the very first time in the mv..................... [REST] the blue one with the thing on her thigh with the low ponytail................. [REST x2] herself....................... [D*AD]

GAHYEON

POPULAR OPINION: THIS IS HER ERA

THE MOMENT SHE JUST SHOWS UP RIGHT AT THE START SHE GRABBED US BY THE NECKS AND LET US KNOW SHES KILLING IT LIKE THIS this pink hair is doing her like two million favors like the space bun look right here???????? STUNNING just left long and straight??????? BEAUTIFUL the fit with the beige(?) sweater and skirt and that black outfit during her rap verse the pink dress iM D*AD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BONUS TIME: B-SIDE TRACKS (short thoughts and parts i liked)

Intro

A SLAPPER WE LOVE TO HEAR IT-

Break the Wall

oH BICTH the way this song took me back to my edgy middle school years listening to music like this MY GOD THEIR VOICES SOUND SO COOL ON IT like they were using megaphones and s hit THE CHORUS IS SO GOOD IM GOING FERAL™ I FEEL LIKE I CAN CONQUER THE WORLD WITH THIS-

Can’t Get You Out Of My Mind

ALL ENGLISH SONG BICTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its all about the yearning its so catchy and good i was literally already singing it randomly right after the highlight medley like honestly this and break the wall are so nostalgic highkey- their pronunciation is so so SO good!!!!

Dear

JIUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😭😭😭 IM SO SOFT DONT LOOK AT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! she wrote this herself and its just so full of love and thankfulness and gratefulness and appreciation for insomnias SOMEONE PROTECT HER- and then the rest of the members singing so gently and beautifully there are real tears in my eyes...............

LIKE im just gonna say it every comeback now i guess THEY👏NEVER👏DISAPPOINT👏EVER👏 i love being an insomnia so much yknow??? love them as people love them for always providing content and always showing that they love and appreciate their fans and how they always make me laugh and feel better and most importantly of all is THEIR MUSIC not implying anything with capitalizing and bolding that............... unless they are so incredibly talented and show how versatile they are in so many different genres AND THEYVE GROWN SO MUCH IN POPULARITY THIS YEAR AND ARE NOW BEATING THEIR OWN GOALS im so happy to be their fan 😊😊😊 this just became a paragraph of me and how much i love them ANYWAY-

IN CONCLUSION: WHERE IS THE LOVE?????????? ITS BEING DIRECTED AT THIS ALBUM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and AS TRADITION:

[dad-friend]

ok maybe this is batshit but like,,,, i cant stop thinking about how cool itd be if wwx could like,,,,,, dissolve into the smokey black resentful energy and then re-solidify????? like i literally couldnt sleep last night bc i was thinking about this. also i want to make wwx talk through his trauma bc he needs it and also it would literally fix everything. also sorry this post is so long, this is pt. 1

so, like, outside of the obvious implications about what that means for whether or not he survived being thrown in the burial mounds the first time, it could also change the plot a ton?????

assume he knows he can do this, but refrains from using it (at least noticeably) during the sunshot campaign for whatever reason (doesnt want to worry people, doesnt ever need to, was about to when wrh was choking him but jgy killed him in time, etc.). we get all the way to the one month celebration for jin ling’s birth, and instead of walking w wen ning, wei wuxian decides to go by himself by just flying as smoke. this way he can get there faster&as the crow flies, but wn can still be at the burial mounds for protection. he goes straight to koi palace, not having to follow roads or anything, just landing outside and walking in like hes supposed to be there (which, i mean, he Is, but that doesnt stop jgy from internally screaming a bit more than normal).

so, theres like a pre-party time???? like theyre all together, but jin zixuan isnt here so they havent Properly started the event yet. jiang yanli is ecstatic to see wwx, jiang cheng is also thrilled but they have to keep up The Charade so they just kind of like,,,,,, glare at each other while making weird faces. theres a weird vibe happening. lan wangji is relieved and as desperately pining as always, but everyone else thinks hes just j chillin next to lan xichen. wwx is going on and on about how he adores jin ling as he and jyl catch up

jgs and jgy, as well as most folsk present tbh, are def eavesdropping. now theres a few ways this could play out

lwj slides in w “and how is a-yuan?” wwx is like, shocked that lwj cares enough to ask or remember the kid’s name, but he laughs it off and goes “oh, hes doing good. [enter anecdote about him planting the kid, granny&wen qing making him do laundry]” understandably at this point, someone asks who “a-yuan” is, and lwj deadpans “wwx’s son, he birthed him himself.” obviosuly wwx barely manages to say “exactly! lan zhan remembered!” before he dies laughing. everyone else is Wildly confused&concerned

jiang yanli asks how wwx is doing in the burial mounds, and wwx is like, “its much better than it was! the wens and i are trying to grow crops, we’ve succeeded w radishes - i wanted potatoes but wen qing wont let me, you can ask lan zhan, he heard her - and lotuses! uncle four makes some killer alcohol, and most of us arent in a state to be drinking much but thats yet to stop anyone but granny” & etc.

either way, ppl start asking question. most of them are along the lines of “whos old enough for you to call them granny?” or “tHERES A CHILD IN THE BURIAL MOUNDS???????” or “how did you purify so much of the place”. wwx just tells them, in what is miraculously both a laughing and “duh” tone, that “of course theyre all elders and a little kid? the only folks i could save were the ones who hadnt been worked to death and wen ning, who was a Special case? i told yall that?” theres a good bit of disbelief, but lan zhan steps in and agrees and i mean,,,,, whos gonna accuse hanguang-jun of lying????

but before anyone can get any real questions in, jyl jumps in w an Incredibly distressed “how are you feeding&protecting that many ppl if so few can work?” wwx cant lie to her, but he can weasel out of this one bc she looks Disapproving&Concerned and he knows she wont let him get away w it this time, so he answers w a more in-character version of “well, short answer is we’re not. long answer is,,,,, ive been in the burial mounds before, this isnt half as bad as last time, we’ve got things growing now, and we’re just doing what we can”

this cycles the conversation back too, “well how did you get stuff to grow, howd you purify that much land?????” bc the sect leaders dont want to Think About Guilt or something, idk. wwx welcomes the distraction, laughs it off, and goes “who says its purified????”

[peacedolantwins]

Can’t Unmiss You but I Need You Now (E.D.)

A/N: for the anon who sent in the request for I’m so Tired, here is it, I know its like.. two weeks later BUT I FINISHED! i definitely feel like I got off track oops so is it my best? no I dont think so but let me know what you guys think, enjoy maybe?

You dont even know what you two were fighting about at this point anymore. Your day had started off so great, you and Ethan both excited about the plans you had for later on tonight. It was Valentines day and the plan was to have a nice dinner together then come back to the house and finish showing each other just how much you loved the other. Somewhere along the way both of you ended up getting way more stressed than either of you should have been. Ethan forgot about something last minute he needed to do with Gray, which turned into two more tasks. You were feeling stressed because the dress you had planned on wearing had a huge rip in that you know wasnt there before so you were trying to find something else in your closet and not only that, but when you had gone to the store to pick up the gift you got for Ethan the store couldnt find it in all the orders they received. During this time you had been texting James who said he had a dress you could borrow, you were about to ask why he had a dress on stand by but he just said it was one Laura had left over before and he thought it would look good on you. He offered to do your makeup for you but you knew it would take way too long and time wasnt something you had right now. You still had to go back and finish getting ready for tonight but you thanked him nonetheless.

Ethan had come home a while ago and was waiting for you in the living room. You were finishing putting on your makeup when he came barging into the room.

“We were supposed to leave 20 minutes ago Y/N- you’re not even dressed?” He raised his voice towards the end which was putting you on edge considering the day you had.

“Give me five minutes I promise I’ll be done,” you sighed. He never told you what time to be ready by to be completely fair but you didn’t want to start something when you were supposed to be having a nice time together.

“Just forget it completely, there’s no point now,” he started taking off his jacket.

“Excuse me?”

“You already took too long to get ready, we were supposed to be there by now and the restaurant wont take us if were late to the reservation and at this point were-” he stopped to look at his watch, “five minutes late.” He looked at you like all of this was completely your fault and you were in no mood to be putting up with this.

“Ethan you never told me what time we were leaving at! Sure we may have missed the reservation, but babe we can go somewhere else,”

“Why? So we can wait for hours with everyone else who didn't care enough to plan for today?” He spat back at you. “Just forget it. Do whatever you want, I'm gonna go to James's party with Gray so dont wait up,” with that he grabbed his jacket again and walked out of the room leaving you shocked and confused as to how this day went so bad so fast.

You didnt want to just sit around the rest of the night so when your girl friends texted in the group chat about their plan to go bar hopping you said you were in and they would be there to pick you up in half an hour. You finished your makeup and went to put on the dress your friend gave you and you took a moment to take in your appearance because damn. The dress was a bit short and hugged you in all the right places and you can definitely see why he gave you this one to borrow for tonight because you had to admit- you looked good.

The red satin dress ended just inches away from where your legs met you body, the plunging v-line cut let nothing to the imagination and it showed off your waist in all the right ways and once your friends texted they were outside, you threw on a cropped leather jacket and out the door you went.

~~

Ethan arrived at the party with Grayson and after a questioning look from James he left to walk around the house. He knew he had gotten a bit over dramatic with you earlier but he was stubborn and as much as he wanted to, his pride wouldnt let him go back and apologize and try to make things better. He was surrounded by people he barely knew and most of them were here with their significant other. They were playing some sappy love song in the kitchen and a few people were dancing along to it. He watched on as a couple just held one another and swayed together to the song. Every song they were playing seemed to remind him of you and he couldnt help but think about how he just left you at the house alone. Ethan knew he had over reacted but he had wanted this day to be perfect for the two of you and as the day went on, nothing had gone as planned and being late to the dinner was the final push. He was upset with himself for how he talked to you and he knew it wasnt your fault since he never did say what time to be ready but the damage was already done.

He wasnt even having fun at this party, Grayson had even come around a few times to tell him to stop looking so down because people were getting worried about him. Honestly at this point he just wanted to go back home and try to apologize. As he was about to take out his phone to text you, he got a notification that you had posted to your instagram.

Your friends had tried to cheer you up and you were doing your best to not be such a buzzkill when they were trying to have a good time, and apparently the only solution you all could come up with was to make sure you were the first one drunk. As soon as you had all gotten to the first bar, they were already ordering a round of shots and also trying to pick which drink they should make you drink and since they couldnt decide, you ended up with two cocktails. You had all taken a few pictures in the bathroom mirror, as a group of drunk girls naturally does and ended up posting a few to your story. Now, a few hours and way too much alcohol, the idea of getting you drunk enough to have fun worked. For a while. You all seemed to forget that while you were fun drunk, you also had a habit of getting extremely emotional. You’re friends had already cut you off after the amount of drinks you had already had and once you started for asking the bartender for something stronger after every drink you had.

While one of your friends sat there with you to take care of you before the night was over, you heard the song you and Ethan would always play when you were in the car going somewhere. It was something you would always do together and now here you were listening to it without him on what was supposed to be a happy and good night for the two of you. There really was something that made it that much more sad listening to it by yourself now.

You couldnt help but think about how he was spending his night. Was he having fun with Grayson at James’ party? Did he even miss you? Was he spending his night talking to other girls while you sat here, drunk and tired on your friends shoulder? Was he going to come back to the house tonight or would be spending the night there? You had so many questions but you were scared about what the answers would be. You had wanted to text him earlier but your friends had taken your phone within the first 30 minutes of picking you up and saw how much you kept checking it to see if maybe he would text you first. That was about 4 hours ago and even though you had gotten into an argument, you missed him.

You missed spending time with him. Sure, you two had had fights with one another before in the past, but you never left each other upset. You two usually just went to opposite sides of the house to calm down before one of you ended up apologizing to the other. This was the longest one of your fights had ever gone on and it was worrying. Even though you didn’t think the fight was your fault, you didnt care right now and just wanted to talk to him.

Your friend finally gave you back your phone because the notifications kept going off.

E: Babe, I’m sorry

E: I saw the picture you posted, you look good

E: I hope you’re having a good time

E: Call me when you get the chance please?

E: It’s been a few hours now, if you’re still mad thats okay, just let me know youre okay

E: Y/n, please call me or text me

E: I know this is my fault but let me know you’re okay please? I’m getting worried

E: Its been over three hours baby and y/f/n isnt answering either please call me

You knew he was used to you having your phone on you at all times so you not answering him must have had him pretty worried. You might have planned on giving him the cold shoulder for a little bit, but you never wanted to make him worried about you.

You: I’m okay, sorry didnt mean to worry you

His reply was almost instant.

E: It’s okay mama, glad to know youre okay, have fun with your friends just text me if you need anything, I’ll see you at home

While you did have a good time with your friends, you were done for the night. You just wanted to go back home and cuddle up in bed ideally with your boyfriend even if things weren’t so great with you guys right now.

You: Will you come pick me up please?

E: Is everything okay?

You: I’m fine, I just wanna go home

E: Sure, send me the address and I’ll text you when I’m there

After you sent him the address, you found the rest of your friends to let them know you were leaving soon. They were bummed out you wouldnt be there with them for the rest of the night, they all said goodbye and gave you hugs before they went back to dancing with some guys they found. You waited by the bar nursing a glass of water, already knowing your head was going to be killing you in the morning. When your phone went off, you walked outside to find Ethan waiting by the entrance and he quickly wrapped his arms around you.

“I’m sorry about today babe, I didnt mean to talk to you like that earlier.” He placed his head on top of yours after placing a kiss on your forehead.

“S’okay.” You were already falling asleep and he was just so soft and warm.

“It’s really not, but okay, come on lets get you home before you fall asleep right here.” He lead you back to the jeep and helped you in, making sure your seatbelt was on. On the ride back, he kept the volume low and he felt your hand slip into his when you’re guy’s song came on. He brought your hand up and kissed the back of your hand before putting your hands back down and rubbing his thumb over your knuckles. Somewhere along the way, you fell asleep with your head resting on the center console and didnt even notice the car had stopped moving.

Grayson had already gone back to the house so Ethan texted him and asked him to come open up the front door so he could carry you in without having to wake you up. While he had carried you before in the past with no problems, turns out carrying you drunk and completely dead weight wasn’t the easiest. After struggling to figure out how to lift you out of the car, he figured he could put Gray to use.

“Watch her head,” He stood right there next to Gray while he picked you up, not wanting you to get hurt.

“Dude chill, I’ve got her, relax,” Grayson easily carried you to Ethan’s room and placed you on the bed before leaving you two in the room. He took off your makeup the best he could and grabbed you one of his shirts but he couldnt figure out how to get you of your dress without waking you up because it really was tighter than he first thought it was. He didn’t want to wake you up but he knew that was the only way to get it off you.

“Y/n c’mon get changed then you can go back to bed,” he gently shook you awake and couldnt help but laugh at your annoyed face before you begrudgingly stood up to take off the dress. He watched you struggle for a minute trying to get the zipper down before he went over and unzipped it for you. Once it was down far enough you practically ripped off yourself before throwing yourself back down on the bed in only your underwear, not even bothering to put anything else on. Having already woken you up enough, Ethan decided to just let you be and put the blanket over your body before grabbing another one and getting ready to head to the couch.

“Where are you going?” you sleep filled voice startled him since he thought you were out like a light.

“Shh, just go back to bed babe, I’ll be on the couch,”

“You don’t want to sleep with me?” His heart broke at hearing how upset you sounded and he knew he had to fix this before you got worked up and started crying. He knew drunk you had a tendency to cry a lot and he had to work quick.

“What? No mama, of course I do I just didn’t think you would want me here with you. If you want me to stay, I’ll stay here with you. I wont leave I promise.” He came back over to his side of the bed and climbed in and soon found himself with you already draping yourself over him.

“Stay,” you mumbled into his neck, getting comfortable.

“Always,” he placed a kiss on the top of your head before pulling the blankets up to cover you both and went to bed feeling so glad that everything was going to be okay with you two.

[wildcherrylime-art]

i wanted to talk about my process for inktober a bit, both because i fully expected not to finish and because its pretty different from the normal content of this blog.  since i dont usually post text on here, it’ll be under a readmore

finishing any kind of inktober was absolutely not something that i ever expected to be able to do.  beyond that, i didn’t expect that it would be so relatively effortless -- there was never really a day where i was rushing to finish or when i came home very late and had forgotten about it.  the last day was the hardest, honestly, because between my lecture and helping a friend construct her costume and putting on my costume/makeup and my program’s halloween party i only had about 3 free hours to do it.  i skipped lunch with some new friends to go home and eat something quickly and finish it.

of course, i did break some rules.  the first four days were done in september, and the next 4 were done in october but earlier than when they were posted.  after that i did nearly all of them the day they were posted, except for one or two when i could tell that was going to be out of the house for 14+ hours and just wouldn’t have time to do it.  while the idea of “drawing every day” is nice and certainly possible sometimes, moreso for some people than others, its impractical at best when applied to real life (at least if you live the kind of life that i do).  

i had a relatively long list of goals for inktober, which i think personally helped keep me on track, only because it kept the focus so narrow.

choose an inktober prompt list that is fandom-specific to work on character consistency.  i tend to draw the same characters over and over but they generally dont have an extremely consistent look.  i considered both borderlands and the dark crystal inktober prompt lists but both of those have complex character designs, so moomin it was.

pick a brush and a program and stick with it.  i didn’t buy painter 2019 until i had already drawn the first few prompts so i used painter essentials 6 the whole time because i couldnt find a brush in 19 that looked similar enough.  the brush was “thick and thin pencil.”

lineart only.  no bg color and no large blocks of color that i couldnt lay down with the brush size 7.0-9.0

backgrounds for at least some of the art.  this dropped off towards the end of the month because my lectures started and my friends came back from their vacations, leaving me with less free time every day to develop and test out scenes before committing to the final version

do not try and make every piece the best you can.  i wasn’t looking to create my best work every day and it was absolutely not a goal right from the start.  i wanted art i could plan and execute in 30-40 minutes a day.  i wasn’t trying to challenge myself artistically every day, because the act of finishing inktober was the challenge in and of itself.  the only other inktober i’ve posted on here was heavily character design-focused and tbh i wasn’t experienced enough at that to do a whole month successfully.  i’d like to work on character design more in the future, along with more animal and creature studies.

if i miss a day or purposefully decide that i didn’t want to do it that day, stop and don’t try to make up what didn’t get done.  i’ve tried inktober before and usually before the end of the first week (even if i worked ahead) it became something i dread thinking about.  this time, i tried to have no expectations about how far i would get or how much i would like each piece.  i had a personal goal that wasn’t the last prompt and every piece done after that was just a bonus.  if i hit a day that i didn’t want to work on inktober, i would pack up the whole thing and just stop for this year.  there were some days where i really didnt want to do it (the 31st was probably the hardest day to do, like i said) but at that point it felt kind of ridiculous not to finish lol.

i’m not saying this is a good process for everyone, or even a good process in general, but its what got me through my first finished inktober and that’s what was important to me.  ive been feeling more comfortable and confident and like myself lately, especially now that i’ve finished this.  it makes me wonder what other things im capable of that i have so far always set off for some vague future date when i was “ready” to do them. 

interestingly enough, i was playing my oldest stardew valley save (late summer, year 3) this week when i realized that i had a shed completely full of unused supplies -- unprocessed ores, cooking ingredients, 1000s of wood and stone, harvested fruit i never made into wine, the list goes on.  i had all these goals for stardew.  i wanted to buy the expensive endgame items, get my fourth candle, start breeding slimes, win the alien rarecrow at the casino, expand my farm and finally fill the whole greenhouse with fruit trees and premium crops, ship every item.  i’d had everything i needed to do these things, or at least start really working towards them, but i wasn’t using them because i thought i needed to prepare more, that one day i’d have achieved my goals because i was ready to.

i want to feel confident in myself and my skills again.  the last few years have made it hard, both because things were hard and i was in dysfunctional situations and because my increasing doubts in myself made me uncertain and hesitant and that ruined opportunities that i had.  im ready to do things ive been putting off and hopefully you, dear reader, will see those things on my blog in short order.