#crappymoments

[linkedforlife-blog]

Reliving monents

It’s like having a flashback of those depressing grade 12 moments. It’s harder and easier this time in different ways though. Harder because I no longer have those friends to support me through it and easier because I’m not in a race but rather in my own home, therefore I am able to express my emotions freely.

Are you familiar with the feeling of being left behind and betrayal. It’s almost as if nobody really sees you on this planet. You question yourself, is this real? Am I real? Is this a dream? A nightmare? Will I awake in my own bed soon? These are my crappy grade 12 memories. A race. A broken up couple. An overly flirty classmate. Put one to one together. These things don’t happen once. They happen at the greatest moments of your life … Ie. Grad.

Each time I tell myself to have the time of my life and every single time I feel like I’m on my feet I fall twice as hard as I did the time before.

I guess that’s why it hurts extra much this time. I know time fixes everything. Don’t think about it (yeah like it’s that easy). If you are familiar with the phrase “turn it off” from the vampire diaries, that is what I want to do now. Sometimes I wish I could live like that. Don’t care. Be spontaneous. Be rebellious. Just turn it off.

This time I’m left on my on. Can’t tell anybody.

I’ve been repeating to myself “ this summer will be all about me. Do what makes you happy. ”

I don’t think I have the courage to do that though. At this point the only words that make sense to me are the wise words of Sia's. At least then, for a brief while I can "turn it off".

- g