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cannedsoupsucks · 4 years ago

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Sweet comfort story that I needed today too ❤

Christmas Special

A standalone Pero Tovar story, because I'm feeling down and he's my comfort character. I missed my family's Christmas celebration this weekend, the only time in December that everyone was available, and now this year's Christmas spirit has kind of died, for me. So, this is completely self-indulgent romantic crap that somehow isn't sappy. I don't know what happened, it was supposed to be. Anyway - Enjoy!

(I'm copying the DMT taglist for this, cause I love you guys!)

Description: You and Pero both work in the same office, and he's an enigma to absolutely everyone, including you. But when you're having your worst day of the year, he's oddly enough the one that gets you through it.

Rating: Mature 18+ONLY Warnings: Christmas themes, cursing, angst, loneliness, family dispute. Modern!pero, pero tovar x reader. No use of y/n. Dual perspectives. Word Count: 8060 (???)

Author’s Masterlist

You hated office parties, and Christmas parties most of all, for two primary reasons. Firstly, because you hated spending the holidays without your family. You’d grown up in a small town in a poor family, where good food and loving company was what that day had come to mean to you. Secondly, because office nerds that spent the entire year cooped up in little booths all day, tended to go apeshit crazy whenever they were handed free booze. Now that might only be true of these particular office nerds, but the last four years could attest to it. Regardless, you did not in any conceivable way look forward to the event and had planned no to attend at all. But, as seemed to be your lot in life, everything you didn’t want to do, ended up being crammed down your throat anyway.

And this festive season was no exception, because of course your boss had decided that you would be receiving a special commendation on that very night, effectively forcing you to be there. You’d let out a string of curses that would’ve made your nanna cringe, had she been alive to hear it, when you’d left your boss’s office after she’d told you. You just wanted to sit at home in your pyjamas and eat pizza and watch sappy Christmas movies so you could get a good fucking cry out of your system at the reminder of just how damn lonely you were, and then fall asleep hugging every pillow you owned. Was that too much to ask for a single woman on Christmas Day?? Apparently so!

******

Pero Tovar wasn’t the happiest of men. He didn’t know specifically why that was, beyond the fact that he disliked most every other human being that crossed his path, and that usually his co-workers managed to top that list. He’d had a good career in the military, but black ops weren’t something one did into old age, and it wasn’t exactly something he could put on his resumé. In fact, none of the work he’d done for the military could be specified on anything, ever. Which meant that finding work was… tricky. He’d mostly worked in private security in the five years since he’d left his previous life, but that often meant baby-sitting rich assholes, which he neither had the patience or delicacy of tongue for. Whenever he did speak, which he avoided as much as possible, he wasn’t one to mince words, and it had gotten him fired about half a dozen times by now. Rich assholes were also sensitive assholes, it seemed. So, he’d decided to try to do something different, which was why he was now staring at a surveillance feed of an office, five floors above his head, where technicians were working on developing new software for… something. They had to be monitored at all times, to ensure that no one attempted to copy or steal any data, even though there were other security measures in place for that. Pero considered it a waste of time to try and protect numbers in computers, but no matter how tedious he might find the work, he was not one to shrug off his duties. He’d do the job, no matter how boring, if a contract had been signed. Just as long as no one asked or expected him to smile or be polite while doing so. With fifteen minutes left on his shift, his replacement showed up. They all rotated positions within the building, taking turns to stand guard at the main and secondary entrance, patrol the floors, screen visitors and occasionally escort an analyst or technician to the company headquarters on the other side of the city, when sensitive data was involved. For some reason that was the one task that the other ten guards working there, hated the most. But for Pero it was the exact opposite. He liked getting out of the office and spending a few hours in a quiet car with just a driver and a techie to worry about. Especially now, when he’d been there over six months and everyone had learned that he did not engage in small-talk, and generally let him be. Well, almost everyone.

“Hey, Tovar! What’s cookin’?”

Ben Tyler was one of those people that just hated when it got too quiet and would fill the silence with their own voice if no one else did. The man would whistle and sing, play air-guitar and use his own thighs as drums, just to not have to endure one minute of total silence, and in the beginning it had nearly driven Pero to rip out his colleague’s tongue. But to his own surprise, Tyler had grown on him. Simply because as much as he talked and made noise, it had never once bothered him that Pero didn’t respond, and now that they’d worked together for a time, the kid didn’t seem to expect him to, either. He seemed perfectly fine with carrying on a completely one-sided conversation all day long. And he somehow managed to still do a good job, something that Pero always respected.

“All good.”

It was as much of a response as he ever gave when there was nothing to report, and the kid just smiled and took a seat next to him.

“Hey, you’re coming right? To the x-mas thing!”

Pero just gave him a steely look in return. Tyler knew more than well that he never attended anything that wasn’t contractually forced upon him.

“Aw, come on, man! It’s the one time we get to just hang with everybody else, and be regular people, not ‘those security guys’ that no one ever speaks to.”

He just kept staring at the kid.

“Yeah, yeah, I know – you prefer it that way, but has it ever crossed your mind that maybe I’d like to have a friend there?”

That made him lower his eyebrows in confusion.

“So, bring a friend.”

The kid huffed at him with a somewhat annoyed smile in his face.

“I’m trying to, dim-wit. You’re my friend.”

His eyebrows climbed back up again at that. If Tyler considered the likes of him a friend, then he must not have anyone else. But that wasn’t Pero’s problem. He got up to leave, and the kid turned his swivelling chair to follow his movements.

“An hour? Half an hour? Please…”

He sighed, and turned back, while he opened the door.

“Sorry.”

*****

The thingwas always held between the 20th and the 24th and this year it was going to take place on December the 23rd, a regular Tuesday to most people. You wanted to be most people. That date seemed to come flying at you the more you dreaded it, and suddenly it was Monday, and you hadn’t prepared. You had no dress, no shoes, no fucking speech… Why did you have to give a speech? Wasn’t it enough torture to just make you stand in a spotlight while a stupid plaque was handed to you? As had been your method for the past three weeks, and the reason why you weren’t at all prepared, you refused to think about it and just worked. Your fingers were quick and sure on the keys, and you felt confident when you wrote code. It almost made you forget the stressful crap you’d be forced to deal with tomorrow. You could get completely lost in the virtual world that in some ways made so much more sense to you than reality. Not in terms of games or social media, but the actual code. You felt like there was so much in this world that was just incomprehensible but writing code you understood perfectly. It was your safe place. Which was why you were terribly disappointed when your assistant came to tap you on the shoulder, disrupting your flow.

“Hey, you’re late!”

For a moment you thought that an entire day had already passed, and that you were expected at the party right then.

“The transfer ring any bells?”

“Oh, shit…”

It did. You were scheduled to take important datasets to HQ that day, and while you had prepared the data, you hadn’t unlocked it for transfer yet, which took at least ten minutes, meaning the schedule was going to be interrupted as you only had five minutes until the car was supposed to exit the garage. And that meant calling down to security to make them change the schedule, which they hated doing, especially with short notice. But there was no other way, so you picked up the phone.

“Sec-desk, Gaby speaking.”

“Hey, Gaby, it’s me. Listen I’m so sorry, but I forgot to unlock the transfer, can you push the schedule 10 minutes?”

“Oh, Genie… you just had to, didn’t you?”

“Don’t tell me it’s Tovar’s rotation? I can’t be that unlucky!”

“I’m afraid you are. So, you know… run.”

“Fuck!”

Of all the guards, Pero Tovar was the one guy no one wanted to screw with. He was the newest hire, but even in his first week he’d already made everyone else move out of his way when they met him. They hadn’t even dared to try and prank him, which was the usual rite of passage for new employees. He wasn’t mean exactly, he was just… unreadable. Unaffected by anything and everything. Nobody knew of a single thing he liked, or what he did in his spare time, or even where he lived. But you all knew what he disliked. And anything that jeopardised his ability to fulfil his duties, was met by a scowl so deep that it made him look freaking deadly. He was broad as a doorway and tall enough to tower over most people, and his hands were huge and calloused, and you were mostly convinced that he really could and would kill people, if need be. So, you ran. You couldn’t do anything about the elevator, but you ran every other bit of the way to get to the sub-basement and the servers, where Mr. Tovar himself waited by the door. Security always accompanied you inside, to make sure that everything was done in accordance with all established procedures, and you literally shivered at the thought of being alone in a small space with this man right now. He was not happy, and you didn’t need that on top of your already peaking stress-levels.

“I know, I’m late, and I’m sorry.”

It was somehow so much worse that he never responded. In the six months that he’d been there, you’d never heard him say a single word. Not that it was needed, really, when he was so adept at showing his malcontent in expressions alone. There was a step-by-step procedure that had to be followed to the letter in order to unlock a dataset, and it was a process that simply couldn’t be rushed, no matter how much you cursed at the system in your head. But once you were in the armoured Mercedes sedan, almost exactly seven minutes late, there was nothing else to do for the ninety-minute drive, and that was even worse. He sat next to you in the backseat, rather than in the front passenger seat, like all the other guards did, for reasons you had no clue about. And his eyes continually scanned the surroundings, which meant that he regularly turned his head towards you, but not to speak to you or even acknowledge your presence, which made you feel awkward. You could always speak to the driver, but with where your head was at that day, you couldn’t think of anything to talk about, other than the damn party, and you were not in the mood to talk about that. When you got there, safe and sound as always, the silent wall of a man had to accompany you inside, and even though he’d only set foot in HQ four times prior to that occasion, even the people there knew to step aside when he approached. The transfer consisted of just literally handing the datasets over to another techie, made slightly trickier by the fact that they were in a bulletproof briefcase handcuffed to your wrist, to which only the receiving technician and their security guard, had the correct key. But it went smoothly, and within ten minutes you were back in the car and looking forward to another ninety minutes of awkward silence before you’d finally be free to return to your coding. When you eventually got back, Tovar was meant only to escort you to the elevator, but he broke protocol by stepping inside with you. He pressed the button for the seventh floor, for you, but none for himself, despite not being scheduled for office patrol that afternoon. The transfer guard always returned to the main security desk after the ride-along was complete.

“Uhm… something you need on my floor?”

Why did you expect him to answer? Whatever he was going up there for, it was highly probable that it was none of your business, so why would he indulge your curiosity? Unless he was going up there to complain about your tardiness to your nearest superior, and that thought just brought you down so far that you wanted to fall through the floor.

“Listen, I’m sorry about being late, it wasn’t intentional. I’m having a really crappy day, alright, and tomorrow’s gonna be even worse, so could you just cut me a break this time?”

He turned to actually look at you for once. At you, not past or through you, and you found yourself fighting the urge to take a step away from him. But you felt small and fragile and your response to that was always to try and stand taller, so you refused to turn your eyes away, as you always had the few times he’d looked at you before, just because of the frightening intensity in his dark orbs. However, now that you really met his eyes for the first time, you found an unexpected amount of emotion in there, and suddenly he seemed less of a brute and more like a bear. Tough and stronger than most when needed, but perhaps somewhat cuddly in between, if the circumstances allowed. Or maybe you were just seeing what you wanted to see. Wait, what? Why would you want to see that? The ding just before the doors rolled open startled you, and you turned your head back towards them, staring out onto your floor, but finding yourself hesitant to enter. He hadn’t moved, and it made you uncertain. You stood there, waiting to see what he’d do before you dared to move, which was just stupid, because even if he was going to complain about you, there was fuck all you could about it. But then the doors began to close again, and he reached forwards to hold them open.

“You seem distracted. Just wanted to make sure you wouldn’t accidentally go to the roof and fall off.”

You merely gaped at him for a few seconds. He spoke. Two whole sentences, no less. How did you not know that he was Spanish? And that voice, holy crap! And… was he really saying that he was concerned about you? No. He was a security guard, it was quite literally his job to keep you safe. Although, that didn’t ordinarily mean breaking protocol just to see you safely to your floor.

“Oh… that’s…… that.”

What? The hell kind of answer was that?

“Uh, I mean, tempting.”

Did you just say…?

“THOUGHTFUL! I meant to say thoughtful, that’s very thoughtful of you, thank you so much and good day.”

Suddenly you couldn’t leave the damn elevator fast enough, and you could’ve sworn you heard him chuckle under his breath right after you darted away, which was impossible because everyone knew that Tovar was incapable of laughing. It had to be one of the analysts in the cubicles closest to the elevator, that might’ve overheard your exchange. Had you bothered to go back and check, though, instead of charging through the floor to your office, you’d have seen that they both wore headphones at the time.

*****

The entire office closed over the holidays, starting on the 23rd, and wouldn’t open again until January, so that morning, Pero slept in and had a lazy morning to start off his vacation. He didn’t normally do much on his days off since he wasn’t a man of many interests, but he did like to read. Thrillers and crime-novels mostly, but also good drama, and by good he meant engaging. Not just romance and intrigue but struggles and hardships and that kind of stuff. He liked reading about people who overcame adversity, which was why his rather impressive collection included more than one autobiography as well. Currently, he was working on an old Tom Clancy book that he’d enjoyed as a younger man and was revisiting for the first time since then. He didn’t enjoy it quite as much now, when he had personal experience to compare with, but it was still a good story. The one-bedroom apartment where he lived was relatively large and could probably be made really cosy by someone better at decorating than him. All he had there was a small kitchen table and chairs, a couch with a coffee-table, two giant bookcases and a bed. The closets came with the apartment. There were no cushions or blankets, pictures or paintings, or even curtains anywhere and the few lamps he owned were simple and practical. He had no personal items at all beyond his clothes and books, not even a tv. He did have a cell phone so his employer could reach him, but he would’ve preferred not to have one. Particularly that morning, when it suddenly decided to ring. The office were the only people that had the number, so he knew that it was someone from there calling, and he seriously contemplated just ignoring it. Because the only thing happening at the office that day was the party, which he refused to attend. Still. Something might’ve happened.

“Hello?”

“Mr. Tovar, this is Gregory Peck.”

That was his supervisor, and it was never a good sign when he called.

“Yes?”

”Uh, well, I’m afraid I’m gonna have to order you back in tonight.”

Exactly as he’d expected.

“I’m on vacation.”

“You’ll be well compensated for your troubles, but this really isn’t a request. We’ve received a threat concerning the event, and it’s credible enough that we feel the need to have a full security detail in place.”

That made him shift gears immediately. It was one thing to be called in for regular work, but a threat to the innocent office workers that he and the rest of the building’s security force were specifically charged with protecting, was something else entirely.

“Any details?”

“You’ll be briefed upon arrival. I’ll need you here at 17:00 hours.”

“Yes, sir.”

*****

You were still unprepared, even as you stood in the elevator on your way to the penthouse of the office, which was basically just an empty venue that could be turned into anything from conference rooms to a gaming hub to a nightclub. All it took was the right equipment. Even though the dress and the make-up were on, and some kind of speech was jotted down on a post-it note that now sat at the bottom of your clutch purse, you felt like everything was somehow unfinished. This wasn’t your thing, it really wasn’t. You might be considered a bit of a hotshot within the company, but at heart you were a person that moved best in shadows and was quite happy with that. Fame and glory weren’t things you’d ever craved, and you never would. You weren’t opposed to the odd party, but this was a fucking Ball, and that came with certain expectations. Everyone was meant to dress and act in certain ways, and you just didn’t know the rules, no one had ever taught you about etiquette. Which would be fine if you could hide in your precious shadows, but that wasn’t gonna work tonight. The entirety of the senior staff would be there, so screwing up wasn’t an option. Especially since you were their best senior technician, meaning they held you as a standard for all the junior techies and analysts, something you were normally okay with, but not when it came to situations like these. What you wouldn’t give to get to hold a presentation to two thousand people about how to write encrypted programming, or something, instead. But you were too damn honest to call in sick, and you had too much respect for your boss to disappoint her by just ducking out. So, you checked yourself in the elevator mirror one last time. Red wasn’t your colour, so you’d opted for a white dress with embroidered snowflakes in gold, over the body and lower skirt of the full-length gown. The cut was simple and classic, but still showed off more cleavage than you’d ever wear ordinarily. It was flattering to your figure, but you still knew that you were really gonna hate it by the end of the night, just because of how unaccustomed you were to wear that sort of thing. You hadn’t had the foresight of ordering a cab, so you’d driven yourself there and just hoped that you wouldn’t feel the need to dip into the eggnog. You took off your coat and slung it over your arm just as the doors opened, and what you had to admit was an impressive décor, met your eyes. There were five giant and fully decked out trees, crystal snowflakes and stars hanging from the ceiling, an entire set of Santa’s reindeer, fake of course, but complete with sleigh and Father Christmas himself. In any other setting, you would’ve liked it, but because you knew that you weren’t gonna enjoy this evening, the magic just wasn’t there. It was already too loud and too crowded, even though you’d only just set foot on the floor. You gave your coat to a guy by a tent that stood in as a closet, and he hung it up for you, handing you a keychain with a number on it in return, so that you’d get the correct one back later. Then Alice, your boss, spotted you, and the circus began. As you’d expected, the little ceremony for your commendation was awkward and even though you did your best to smile and try and be appreciative, you were sure that everyone could see how much you hated being there. And of course, you forgot the note in your purse and didn’t wanna start digging for it while you stood there on the stage, so you just fumbled out some mediocre thanks and tried to hurry off the stage. But since the other three people up there with you were closer to the one little staircase, you had to wait until last. So, when you finally got to it, of course you had to misjudge the first step, in your exaggerated hurry, and fall on your face. Or rather, you would have, if Tovar hadn’t appeared out of the blue and caught you as gracefully as if he was just dancing with you, sweeping you off to the side and setting you down on your feet ever so softly. He was the last person you

would’ve expected to even see there, much less save your ass.

“Oh… Thank you.”

True to form, he said nothing, and only briefly glanced at you while he offered a short nod, before his eyes went to roam the crowd, and he slowly walked away. He was wearing an ordinary suit rather than his uniform, but you knew that look. He was definitely there on the clock, not to party, although you were fairly certain that the man didn’t even know how to party. Which was a shame, really, because he was seriously attractive. That is, if he’d ever smile. The whole broody seriousness wasn’t for you. You had meant to leave as soon as the ceremony was done, but a junior analyst asked you a work-question and you ended up having a long conversation with her. But after a while another friend of hers came up and asked her to dance, and she darted off, and suddenly you remembered where you were. And how alone you were. You’d had friends at the office before, but one had moved away and the other had left the company to go into the family business instead, and by then you’d already become senior technician. Which, for some reason, seemed to make you very intimidating to everyone else. Or maybe that was down to your reputation. You’d earned your nickname, Genius or Genie, by constantly coming up with solutions that no one else managed, and writing clever programs, some of which were in use in various types of equipment worldwide. Everyone expected you to rise through the ranks like a shooting star, but you were happy where you were, just writing and creating and challenging yourself and your coding- and programming skills. Which was why you’d already turned down further advancement. You were just another techie, and you wished that they could see that and feel comfortable talking to you, like they did with each other. You sat there in a corner, watching the room and wondering if this was what your entire life was always gonna be.

*****

“Look, I’m glad nothing happened, but I’m just saying it would’ve felt less like a waste of time if it had. I couldn’t even try the eggnog! And I’ve been dying for an opportunity to cosy up to Marie, you know, the Costa Rican girl on the second floor? Have you seen her desk, man? It’s like filled with Star Wars stuff, and she knows like all the lore and stuff, and I’ve been trying to send her hints, you know, but I don’t think she gets it. She was here tonight, and not one guy asked her to dance, which means I could’ve had my moment! Damn threats and shit, ruining everything…”

Pero stopped listening somewhere around ‘look’, knowing full well that Tyler was just gonna keep going whether he participated or not. The Ball was over and only the last few stragglers were still there, but as long as they were, security had to stay too. It wasn’t required for both of them to stay when there were less than ten people in the venue, but Tyler obviously wasn’t tired and in no mood to go home yet, even though Pero was technically the only one that needed to be there still. The kid followed him around and assisted, as he helped some severely intoxicated people into the elevator, hoping they’d be able to get themselves home, and preferably without leaving any bodily fluids about the building. Not that he’d have to clean it, but the cleaners shouldn’t have to, either. There were still three people sitting on the stage, playing some card game and apparently having a lot of fun, not looking like they were in any hurry to leave yet, when Pero spotted someone outside on the balcony. There were thin silk curtains covering the full-length glass doors, and it was the draft of the just barely open doors making them sway that caught his attention, or he might not have noticed it. He turned to Tyler, interrupting something about swans.

“Stay here.”

Without waiting for a reply, knowing the kid would do what he said, he went to the doors, pulling them open and stepping outside onto the large balcony, to find you. You had no coat on, and just stood there staring out over the city, even though you were shivering. He was about to tell you to come inside, when he heard you snivel. He’d never before seen you allow yourself to be emotional like that. Even when you were unsure or uncomfortable, like with the speech earlier, you always soldiered on, refusing to be broken down or bested, even by yourself. That was why he’d been so surprised when you’d fumbled over your own words the other day. You had a reputation for being hard-working, honest, generous with expletives and more or less unstoppable where your work was concerned. As far as he knew, no one had ever seen you be anything but driven and determined and very confident. But you were none of those things now. Even from behind, he could see the defeat in your shoulders, and he didn’t find that a very suitable look on you. The dress, on the other hand… He’d had to look away from you quickly after he caught you when you’d fallen off the stage, or he would’ve forgotten why he was really there. In what little time he’d been working at this office, he’d found your appearance to stick out from the rest, and in all the best ways. You dressed well, but not like most businesswomen who effectively wore suits. You kept to jeans and colourful blouses or shirts, and over the summer, you’d appeared in some fifty different dresses and skirts. All lively in some way, either in colours or with interesting cuts, but always just enough to still be tasteful, rather than tip over into ostentatious. You avoided too much make-up and kept your hair out of your face either with a simple braid or a ponytail. You were practical and unassuming, and he liked that about you. In all honesty, there were a great many things he liked about you, not that he had any clue how to tell you that. And as he shrugged off his suit-jacket and stepped closer to you, it wasn’t the dress or the make-up or the elaborate hairstyle that made him look more closely at you. You flinched just a little when the warm jacket fell over your shoulders, but you didn’t turn, probably just to try and hide your tears from him.

“What’s wrong?”

You snivelled again, and then chuckled humourlessly.

“Who cares?”

Your voice was colder than the chill in the air, but after you’d said that you let your head fall forwards as your sorrow seemed to deepen. He didn’t know what he could possibly do for you, but he wasn’t about to leave you out there. There were plexiglass shields in place above the ordinary railing, to prevent anyone from falling or jumping, and he didn’t think that that was why you were there. But you could still die of exposure, even in relatively mild temperatures.

“I realised tonight that… I don’t have anyone. No family, no friends, not even co-workers anymore. I mean, they’re still there, and I still work with them, but we’re not… close. They won’t let me get to know them, no matter how much I try. Am I that terrible to be around?”

He wanted to object, but his skills in conversation were limited and he worried that he’d say something you might misinterpret. It made no difference, though, because you didn’t give him a chance.

“Ugh, why am I pouring my heart out to you, of all people? You couldn’t care less.”

That comment stung somewhere in his chest.

“You don’t know me.”

You huffed entirely without mirth and turned to meet his eyes, and he found himself wanting so dearly to make the hurt and loneliness and pain in your face disappear. You’d never seemed to be a person with any deeper pains to speak of. Unlike him, there always seemed to be happiness within the frame of your body, even when you were annoyed. Not now, though. He couldn’t see a single trace of it and that worried him.

“We spent three hours in a car together yesterday, and you didn’t even look at me. Which is fine, you have a job to do, I get that. But you don’t say hello or goodbye, you never wish anyone a good day, you never even offer a smile. Are you telling me that that’s you caring?”

He turned his gaze to the side, looking out over the city while he tried to think. You were right, of course. No one could possibly know the things that went on inside his head when he was so used to blocking everyone out. A hazard of losing one too many brothers to violence and cruelty. And even though he really did want to look at you, all the time, he always schooled himself not to, to avoid temptation. To stop himself from favouring you above everyone else, or from starting to consider himself as having any kind of claim on you, even if it was just in the name of protecting you. Such things could so easily escalate into possessiveness, and he refused to do something like that to you. However, that also meant that all you ever saw from him was the same stoneface that everyone else did, so how could he suddenly claim to care about you with any hope of you believing him? While he kept trying to think of some way to explain, you seemed to give up, making him realise that you’d been trying to coax a reaction out of him. He couldn’t guess at what you might’ve wanted to get out of that, but he still wanted to give it to you. If only he knew what the hell it was. You sighed heavily and your shoulders fell even further. Your head was once again bowed, and he could only just see the slight glimmer of the tears that spilled down your cheeks.

“You know, I really didn’t wanna be here at all. But of course, they had to decide that this would be the perfect occasion to hand out a special commendation for my ‘excellent work’. As if that even means anything.”

Your voice was low and weak, and he got the feeling that you were continuing to speak even though you didn’t believe that he cared, simply because you needed to say this out loud. He wanted you to keep talking, no matter what you talked about, so he said the first thing that came to mind.

“You don’t think your work is excellent?”

“That’s beside the point. No one cares how many plaques or diplomas I have, it’s all just for show, it’s meaningless. But they make such a big deal out of it. Handing me a piece of wood and metal that they spent a hundred bucks on so they can pretend that it proves how good my work is. All just to entice the others to work harder so that they can get a damn plaque too. It’s all bullshit.”

He knew a little about commendations and the largely meaningless rituals that came with them, so he understood your point, but he also knew that it wasn’t what you were really upset about.

“That’s not why you’re sad.”

You lifted your head and met his eyes, letting a forced smile plant itself in your face, which together with your tear-streaked cheeks made you look even sadder somehow.

“I’m sad because it’s Christmas and I’m alone. I’m always alone, and for the most part it’s fine, I’m used to it. But these few days of the year… to me, they’re about family. About togetherness and making time for one another. About love.”

Your fake smile had faded by the time you finished, and you looked away from him again, pulling his jacket closed over your front as the shivers had started up again.

“Where is your family?”

You closed your eyes tightly, and a deep breath left through your slightly parted lips. Not in a huff or a sigh, but more like a piece of your soul had broken off and flown away.

“There was a fight. A long time ago. I wasn’t even a part of it, but… we never found our way back to each other after that. I haven’t seen them, at all, in more than eight years.”

Suddenly you seemed to decide that this entire situation was ridiculous, and quickly wiped your tears away before shrugging his jacket off to hand it back to him.

“I don’t even know why I’m still here. And I have no idea why I’m still talking to you. I’m sorry for taking up your time with my drama.”

You rattled the few sentences off quickly and stepped past him to the door, heading back inside and over to the closet-tent.

*****

Of course, your coat was gone. Why wouldn’t it be? Everything else had gone to shit. Why the hell hadn’t you gone home when you’d first meant to? And what on earth had possessed you to pour your heart out to fucking Tovar?!

“Hey, Genie! I didn’t think you were still here. Congrats on the prize, or whatever you call it.”

Ben Tyler. The happiest 22-year-old you’d ever met. Nothing ever brought him down.

“Hi. Uh, yeah, thanks. I’m leaving now, but you have a good night.”

“Sure. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. I’ll see you after the holidays.”

You knew that he could tell that you’d cried, he was a sweet kid, but you hoped that he wouldn’t ask anything else about it. You just wanted to get home and peel off the damn dress and go to bed. The elevator was quick to arrive, and you stepped inside, suddenly grateful to be alone with your emotionally messed up self. But before the doors closed, there he was again. Seriously, was this the national ‘Being stuck with Pero Tovar’ holiday, or something? You watched him step inside, not pressing any button of his own, meaning he’d be heading for the garage too, and you scowled. Was this his idea of solving your loneliness problem? Well, that wasn’t gonna happen. And what did he care about your loneliness, anyway? You scolded yourself for being so self-centred, as it dawned on you that he was probably just leaving too, now that almost everyone had gone, and that the timing was likely just a coincidence. But when the elevator pinged as you reached the garage floor and the doors opened, he waited for you to step out before he followed, and even that was enough to set you off on him again.

“I’m not some helpless damsel, so you can stop with the chivalry, okay. I don’t need you to protect me.”

You walked down the short hall to the garage door, and then flinched when he stopped you from punching in the code that unlocked it, by taking your hand and holding it gently. And as you turned your head to find out what the heck he was up to; he was suddenly so much closer than you’d anticipated.

“I know.”

His voice had dropped, and you were abruptly aware of a very nice smell that wafted off him. Your eyes were trapped in his, that appeared to have turned into liquid brown pools, like a dark scotch or brandy. Suddenly you felt hot and sort of itchy, wondering what his hands might be good at. Not to mention his lips… and hips. Shit. You’d never even contemplated him in any romantic or erotic light, he was way too cold to make you think of him like that. Even now, when your own body was abruptly reacting to him as though he was trying to seduce you, you still had no idea if that was what he was actually doing. He was completely impossible to read. You hadn’t been around him enough to be able to properly judge his behaviour, especially since tonight was the first time you’d ever seen him outside of his professional character, and the first time you’d had a real conversation with him. Not that he’d said much, but it was still 100% more than he normally did. Closing your eyes and taking a slow breath made your mind clear, and you remembered that you weren’t a one-night-stand-person, so even if he was coming on to you, which you were by no means sure of, nothing would happen. You’d been hurt too many times to count, by thinking that guys were genuinely interested in you, only to wake up alone, and you were sick of it. God, why where you even thinking like that? He had literally just said two words to you and suddenly you were thinking about sex? What the fuck… You took another breath. To avoid meeting his intense eyes when you opened yours, you leaned your head back against the wall, and instead opened them to a familiar sight, up under the ceiling. Some joker had put a mistletoe up there, in between a lamp and a warm-air fan that kicked in automatically if cold air came flowing inside at the opening of the door. He had just let go of your hand again, when you started giggling because it was just too ridiculous. Things like this didn’t happen. There was no such thing as a God-wink, and you’d never believed in fate. But… he was incredibly hot, even if you hadn’t allowed yourself to acknowledge that before. So, why not? The entire evening had been a disaster anyway, what difference would it make if you woke up with one more regret tomorrow? You grabbed his shoulders and hugged yourself to him while pressing your lips to his, having to rise onto your toes as you’d picked flat shoes for comfort. His arms came around you and steadied you against his chest, while his lips eagerly followed your lead, and that emboldened you as you really hadn’t expected him to kiss you back at all. You opened your mouth, trailing your tongue along his upper lip, and he opened for you, letting his tongue dance with yours while his hands dropped to your hips, and your back suddenly connected to the cool wall. You moved your hands, as he pressed himself against you, letting one tangle in his hair and the other snake around his waist, tugging him closer. Damn, he felt good. The way he responded, the eager passion that he somehow managed to show without becoming demanding, was something you’d never come across in a guy before, and it made you want him. Badly. But with you, that was always a bad sign. You broke the kiss, and he pulled back, giving you your space even though he clearly wanted to continue claiming it. And now you felt stupid.

“I’m sorry, I… shit.”

He just stood there, only his hands still in contact with you, softly holding your hips, waiting while you tried again.

“I didn’t mean to start something I can’t finish… I just saw the mistletoe, and with the night I’ve had… I don’t know, I guess I just wanted to feel something good.”

He looked up and saw the plant hanging there, and then let go of you completely.

“Okay.”

It wasn’t a ‘that’s okay, I was just playing’ kind of okay. It was way more disappointed than that. He looked… hurt, and that really bothered you. Why did that bother you? You didn’t even like him…

“I don’t mean to say that I didn’t enjoy that, I did! A lot. But I have a terrible track record with men and I’m just not up for another night of being meaninglessly fucked and left. Especially not tonight.”

He seemed frozen for a few seconds, just staring at you, making you feel self-conscious and strangely exposed.

“It wouldn’t be meaningless. Not for me.”

That threw you for a loop which had your stomach churning. He couldn’t mean that. You must be misinterpreting, because why would he care?

“I’ve liked you from the start, Genie. I’m just not very good at… dating. I never have, at least not as an adult. But I’ve wanted to ask you out every time we’ve been trapped in that car together.”

Your mouth had gone dry, and something seemed to be beating the inside of your chest with a sledgehammer, making it hard to breathe. Firstly, he’d just spoken for real. For the first time he’d offered more than a short and emotionally detached reply to a question. He’d given you a real explanation and even… a declaration. And because he’d never spoken that much before, every sentence told you so much more about him. His voice was sure, but his words suggested that he expected rejection. Maybe all the time. He wasn’t shy exactly, nor insecure. But more likely damaged, just like you. With the difference that where you’d tried to use positivity and laughter and enjoyment as a way of keeping yourself grounded and sane and at least moderately happy, he’d chosen to shut the world out.

“Then why haven’t you?”

He took a moment to consider that, and you found yourself hanging on every micro-expression in his features, trying to understand more about him.

“I’m a military man. I respond to orders, commands, I don’t understand small-talk and I don’t really want to. But I also felt like I couldn’t just say ‘will you date me?’ because people don’t do that. They give… hints? And then the other person is just supposed to know, like it’s some kind of magic.”

He shrugged unhappily, and turned his gaze to the floor, shifting his weight from one foot to the other, and he suddenly looked so adorable to you. How was that possible? You didn’t even like him…

“There are a lot of things I’m not good at, as you’ve already noticed, but I can fix almost anything, and I rarely complain. I’m loyal, reliable and I try to be kind, and yes, I’m also very protective. And… I really… really like you.”

Wow. Just… wow. Suddenly there was so much to process. Too much. He was offering himself to you, highlighting his strengths so that you’d know what you were getting if you accepted. And you were pretty sure you already knew what his major weaknesses were. But, what about you? You kept telling yourself that you didn’t like him, but… damn it if he wasn’t growing on you by the second. You had to close your eyes again, to try and get that sledgehammer to ease up so that you could answer him. But you still had to clear your throat a few times before your voice came back.

“Tovar… I don’t know you. At all.”

His head came back up and his eyes sought yours again. If he was disappointed, he didn’t show it. In fact, he looked mostly mildly confused.

“And still you kissed me like that. With meaning.”

Oh, shit. He was right. Had a hurricane passed over your life in the past few minutes? It sure as hell felt like it and you were getting increasingly frustrated for a lot of reasons.

“I have no idea what I feel right now! Except-…”

Now it was his turn to hang on your every expression, even holding his breath in anticipation. But you took too long, and he got impatient enough to try and hurry your answer a little.

“What?”

And suddenly you hated the distance between you. Suddenly you wanted him to make you forget every other lover you’d ever had, every lonely night when the pain in your gut, the pain of not having a person, someone that was always there for you, had made you wanna scream.

“Except that I really want you to make me feel good. Any kind of good, even if it is just for one night. Even just an hour.”

Something soft filled his eyes at your words, and he stepped closer, putting his hands on your cheeks and you loved how warm he felt.

“All night. I promise.”

This time, he was the one that kissed you, and even though it was a shorter one, it was still full of meaning. Had he told you that he’d take you home, tell you to take a long and warm shower and then crawl under covers with you and just hold you close all night long, you wouldn’t have believed him. But that’s exactly what he did. And it was the best night of your life. Well. Up until then, at least.

THE END

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