#cusatask

[ofwannabees]

𝐍𝐎𝐖  𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐈𝐍𝐆  :  𝐭𝐡𝐞  𝐠𝐚𝐧𝐠  .

the  “  i  love  my  friends  ,  but  i  forget  to  call  them  ”  chapter  .

𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜  𝚒𝚜  𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝  𝚖𝚊𝚔𝚎𝚜  𝚞𝚜  𝚐𝚒𝚛𝚕𝚜             𝚕𝚊𝚗𝚊  𝚍𝚎𝚕  𝚛𝚎𝚢  /  ❝  the  prettiest  in-crowd  that  you  had  ever  seen  ,  ribbons  in  our  hair  and  our  eyes  gleamed  mean  .  a  freshmen  generation  of  degenerate  beauty  queens  .  and  you  know  something? they  were  the  only  friends  i  ever  had  .  ❞

track 001. shout out to zahra and audrina !! the girls ! her besties. they’re a little bit messy, but kitty still adores those two. in the stupid wannabe way,, but she’s also grown to actually like them as people. they took her under their wings, they were friends to her. it just has such fun and carefree girlboss energy for them and we love that!! i love the lil discount powerpuff girls  ( @zahrajackson & @staudrina )

𝚐𝚛𝚘𝚠𝚒𝚗𝚐  𝚜𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚘𝚗             𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎  𝚢𝚘𝚞  𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚛  /  ❝  i  guess  it  just  comes  with  the  autumn  .  the  innocence  i  thought  i  had  forgotten  ,  i’ll  cherish  this  .  these  months  i’ve  missed  .  my  friends  ,  they  answer  when  i  call  them  .  i  love  my  friends  but  i  forget  to  call  them  .  in  foolishness  i’ve  made  a  mess  .    i’m  changing  with  the  leaves  and  the  leaves  are  changing  me  .  i’ve  felt  this  growing  season  ,  and  i  love  my  friends  .  it  was  good  to  see  them  cause  it’s  been  a  year  .  ❞

track 002. pre candy girl drama,,, kitty probably cared abt zahra, audri, harvey & rory exclusively. noah on a good day. the fact that she’s developing little soft spots for more and more of them melts my heart. sharing that sandwich with zev (even tho she was horrible abt it before soz zev) & fashion advice with cris. mackenzie. even starting to bond with casey beyond being noah’s brother and audrina’s ex-fling. she loves her friends!! is she good at expressing it?? hell no, but she’s growing <3

𝚍𝚘𝚗'𝚝  𝚕𝚎𝚝  𝚖𝚎  𝚐𝚎𝚝  𝚖𝚎           𝚙!𝚗𝚔  /  ❝  every  day  i  fight  a  war  against  the  mirror  .  i  can't  take  the  person  staring  back  at  me  ,  i'm  a  hazard  to  myself  .  don't  let  me  get  me  .  i'm  my  own  worst  enemy  ,  it's  bad  when  you  annoy  yourself  .  so  irritating  ,  don't  wanna  be  my  friend  no  more  .  i  wanna  be  somebody  else  .  ❞

track 003. but,, also,, uhhh. kitty is not a team player. p!nk said “never win first place, i don’t support the team” and kitty felt that. this song re: the gang is a lot of kitty’s insecurity. she doesn’t want to be her own friend!! why would they? it’s a lot of pushing them away, keeping her mask on, pretending to be someone else

𝚋𝚎𝚊𝚞𝚝𝚒𝚏𝚞𝚕  𝚐𝚑𝚘𝚜𝚝𝚜             𝚝𝚊𝚢𝚕𝚘𝚛  𝚜𝚠𝚒𝚏𝚝  /  ❝  all  that  i  wanted  was  to  be  wanted  .  i'll  never  wander  london  streets  alone  and  haunted  .  born  into  nothing  .  with  them  i  have  something  ,  something  to  cling  to  .  i  never  knew  i'd  love  this  world  they've  let  me  into  .  ❞

track 004. the whiplash y’all are about to get i am so sorry. i am not apologising for using a song off the cats soundtrack. a) it’s taylor b) it’s KITTY c) it fits. this entire song screams kitty. like “wait for my life to start with no beauty in my memories”?? cmon BUT i want to draw attention to the last bit. she’s moved on from “scared to call them my friends and be broken again” (mostly) and starting to see a little bit of the fact with THEM she has something.

𝚋𝚕𝚘𝚌𝚔  𝚖𝚎  𝚘𝚞𝚝             𝚐𝚛𝚊𝚌𝚒𝚎  𝚊𝚋𝚛𝚊𝚖𝚜  /  ❝  i  think  i'm  burnin'  alive  ,  but  nobody  sees  the  fire  .  when  i  open  my  mouth  ,  i  seem  to  be  stuck  in  silence  .  i  thought  of  leavin'  tonight  ,  but  i  couldn't  drive  this  tired.  plus  ,  after  all  this  time  ,  i  should  be  a  pretty  crier  .  now  i  only  let  me  down  when  there's  no  one  else  around  .  i've  been  thinkin'  way  too  loud  .  i  wish  that  i  could  block  me  out  .  don't  know  how  they  see  me  now  ,  feelin'  lost  in  every  crowd  .  i  feel  ten  feet  off  the  ground  .  i  wish  that  i  could  block  me  out  .  ❞

track 005. oh and we’re back to crying. same vibes as track 3, but less of the way kitty is still super fake around her friends,, but more the way she gets dramatic and emotional and pushes people away or lashes out at them. in the wise words of miss swift “baby you’re losing it” the whole narrative of the fact she “should be a pretty crier” by now,, not only in the sense that’s obviously working overtime to convince everyone that she’s a Beauty Queen but also just the fact she should have a lil more grace and poise but instead she,, reacts to noah & rory the way she does and things like that. there’s always glimpses of Herself that kitty sees and hates

𝚝𝚎𝚊𝚖             𝚕𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚎  /  ❝  i'm  kind  of  over  gettin'  told  to  throw  my  hands  up  in  the  air  ,  so  there  .  i'm  kind  of  older  than  i  was  when  i  reveled  without  a  care  ,  so  there  .  we  live  in  cities  you'll  never  see  on-screen  .  not  very  pretty  ,  but  we  sure  know  how  to  run  things  .  livin'  in  ruins  of  a  palace  within  my  dreams  .  you  know  ,  we're  on  each  other's  team  .  ❞

track 006. they are not exactly the best team in the world,, but yknow what?? at the end of the day,, they are on each other’s team! it’s them vs candy. let’s be real,,,, them vs literally all of cherry. which all of cherry is so valid for btw

[zahrajackson]

 TASK 201: ZAHRA JACKSON - THE BITCH.

THE LUX FILES.

Not a lot of people find their way into Zahra Jackson’s heart, but Lux Lewis wasn’t most people. 

It was elementary school, before Zahra was quite so guarded. She had always struggled to form real, one-on-one friendships. Even as a child she’d had a force of personality that worked wonders in groups but made individual connection more difficult. But when Lux Lewis had walked into her life all those years ago, something had just clicked. Lux and Alice both - her friendship with both girls so hopelessly intertwined she could probably never untangle it - slipped under her defenses before she’d figured out how to properly raise them, and that was that.

From elementary school on, they were inseperable. Lux, Alice, Zahra, a package deal. Best friends forever, complete with sleepovers and shoulders to cry on and friendship necklaces. When her parents fought, it was them she escaped to. When her mother left, it was their hands she held. Lux was a constant. Alice too. Before the Gang, before Rory, she had them. Zahra knew Lux Lewis inside out. Maybe she didn’t know everything about her, all her secrets, but Zahra knew her - or she thought she did. And sure, Lux wasn’t perfect, but she was hers. If there was anyone she could open up to, it was Lux and Alice. If there was anyone she thought would be there forever, it was Lux and Alice. Maybe that was why she assumed things wouldn’t change.

Then graduation. Then Harvard. Then not picking up calls. Then coming back to Cherry for breaks and finding that something had... shifted in her absence. Changed. Fractured. Something about a rumour that she never really got the full story of. She’d mostly dismissed it as a petty argument between Lux and Alice - it wasn’t like they’d never fought, after all.

Then a voicemail from Lux, drunkenly rambling about Audrina Archer of all people.

Then the call: Lux Lewis is dead. She killed herself. Come back home, so you can bury your best friend.

Zahra still loves Lux. She can’t help it. She hates her too. Lux broke her heart. Lux left her. It’s easier to be angry, to be bitter. Easier than grief or guilt, anyway. 

ZAHRA’S SECRET.

Tallulah Jackson was actually a pretty decent mother for the years she stuck around. Especially in the years before she started getting bored with Cherry. And her husband. Restless, frustrated, and bored. That’s what Zahra remembers of the tail end of her mother’s presence in her life. She remembers the fights. She remembers her dad’s desperation. She remembers the mounting feeling of dread. She remembers walking home from school to an empty house that shouldn’t have been empty and thinking oh.

She still called, in those early years. But by the time Rory came around, those calls were a rarity, and not welcomed. Her dad took it hard, and something in their relationship fractured. Zahra looked at Rocky Jackson, heartbroken, and decided then and their that she’d rather be like her mother than get left behind like him. Even so, she won’t ever forgive the woman for her absence, as much as she might be able to understand it.

All this to say, that when her mother reached out to reconnect while Zahra was away at Harvard, it was surprising to even Zahra herself that she allowed it. She doesn’t know what Tallulah wants - to find absolution, to manipulate her, just fulfilling curiousity. Zahra kinda hopes it’s the first one. Surely she’s got the right to milk something out of any potential guilt? Still, she kept the tenuous reconnection to herself while she tried to find her footing within it. She isn’t sure what her dad would think, but she knows he probably wouldn’t like it.

She does know what he’d think about his daughter taking money from his absentee ex-wife to help fund the rebuilding of the Drafthouse, though. That would be the kind of betrayal that would break his heart again. It would ruin their relationship. As long as he doesn’t know, though, Zahra’s not about to turn down Tallulah’s cash from who-knows-what for the Drafthouse, for herself. Hell, for that apartment she and Rory keep talking about. She doesn’t really care why her mother’s offering to help, as long as she’s getting some bang for her buck.

ZAHRA’S CONNECTIONS.

THE FALLEN ANGEL. If Lux broke Zahra’s heart, Alice ground what was left under her heel. How are you suppossed to react to your best friend becoming a totally different person? To her pushing you away when the two of you need each other more than ever? If you’re Zahra Jackson, you respond with sharp words and petty arguments. If Alice doesn’t want anything to do with her, might as well give her a reason for it, right? She hates Alice as she does Lux. Loves her the same, too. It’s really not a surprise, then, that the Candy Girl’s fixation on Alice had Zahra’s protectiveness flaring up despite all attempts to smother it. Years of instinct are hard to shake. For all her vitriol, she can’t help caring for Alice. And now that the Candy Girl is gone... she’s not sure what comes next. It’s hard to truly let go of someone you used to know like the back of your hand, after all. Especially when they knew you the same.

THE BABY. Rory is Zahra’s cousin, technically, but she’s long since become a little sister. Things started off... bad. Of course they were - Zahra was a bratty little middle schooler who wasn’t used to sharing her dad’s attention. The two of them were vicious, until things finally came to a head and Zahra pushed too far. It was like a switch flipped, and Zahra realised just how much she hated seeing Rory cry. From there on out, they were ride or die. Rory is probably the only person Zahra would put ahead of herself. She’d follow her into hell itself if she had to. Looking out for Rory is as fundamental as breathing, really. Even moreso after everything that’s happened. Rory nearly drowing was one of the most terrifying moments of Zahra’s life, and her recent coma wasn’t much better. She’s seen the nightmares and panic attacks firsthand - Rory is the strongest person she knows, but she shouldn’t have to be that strong. Zahra’s been wishing she could get Rory out of Cherry for months, and now that she theoretically can... well, she’s not protesting the dad-enforced Mandatory Summer Roadtrip.

THE MANNEQUIN.  Best frenemies from day one of varsity cheer in freshman year of high school. Zahra and Audrina spent more time competing than not, and there was no one Zahra would rather compete with. The mix of jealousy, respect, backstabbing, and friendship was a messy one, but they always ended up forgiving each other. Zahra kinda appreciated it actually - nothing like some competition to push you to be better, right? And there’s a certain kind of comfort in having someone who has seen the worst parts of you firsthand and still calls you friend. After leaving Cherry for seperate colleges, they competition settled into something like peace. And when they were dragged back to Cherry, the best frenemyship and become more of a tentative and fragile best friendship. And after losing both Lux and Alice... Zahra doesn’t really want to lose another best friend. She likes being friends with Audrina without petty high school drama to watch out for. But between her... thing with Casey and her involvement in the Harvey-Audrina breakup, she can’t help feeling there’s an expiration date on their peace. And even now, months later, Lux’s voicemail burns in the back of her mind, a still unanswered question. 

THE WANNABE. Maybe Kitty started out as just a minion, but at this point Zahra’s care for her is more than that. Don’t get her wrong, she loves having a walking talking ego boost to worship the ground she walks on. But she also respects the hustle. Girls who don’t matter to Zahra don’t get invited over for sleepovers or shielded from Audrina’s wrath. And she certainly wouldn’t forgive nearly as many transgressions in the high school popularity tug of war with Audrina if she didn’t see Kitty as one of her people at the end of the day. Zahra firmly believes she could go on to do great things, if she played her cards right. And she’s honestly been trying to get Kitty some confidence for years - god knows someone this desperate for attention needs it.

THE HEARTBREAK KID. It started out as just a drunken one night stand while she was home from Harvard. And then it just... kept happening. She knew from the beginning it was a bad idea, but even when she was trapped in Cherry, she couldn’t bring herself to put a stop to it. Even when she found herself checking in on him whenever things went to shit (after knowing Rory was okay, of course), she tried to convince herself they were just friends. Then Casey got stabbed. The denial that had been slipping between her fingers had been all but gone after that. Now... well, she knows they’re something. Casey means a lot to her. And that’s a little terrifying, but it feels easier with him. At this point, she knows they should probably talk about it. Too bad she’s definitely going on that Mandatory Summer Roadtrip with Rory.

[sxbrinalogan]

Strawberries & Cigarettes - Troye Sivan “long nights, daydreams, sugar and smoke rings. i’ve been a fool, but strawberries and cigarettes always taste like you. headlights, on me. racing to 60. i’ve been a fool, but strawberries and cigarettes always taste like blue eyes, black jeans, lighters, and candy. i’ve been a fool, but strawberries and cigarettes always taste like you.”

This song reminds me so much of teenage West and Sabrina. I always see a little montage of them getting up to trouble in my mind when I think about it and this song captures that perfectly. No matter how far away they get from their teenage years, little things will always bring them back to those moments. 

Thinking of You - Katy Perry “comparisons are easily done once you’ve had a taste of perfection... i guess second best is all i will know...he kissed my lips, i taste your mouth. he pulled me in, i was disgusted with myself. ‘cause when i’m with him i am thinking of you. what you would do if you were the one who was spending the night. oh, i wish that i was looking into your eyes.” 

After West, Sabrina swore off love, but she definitely did a lot of dating around. The entire time she could only really think about how they were in comparison to West. No one ever lived up to him and that’s because no one else could possibly be the love of her life. Even when she was with Bertram, West was always at the back of her mind. There was always a part of her that wanted to run right back to him. 

This Love (Taylor’s Version) - Taylor Swift “in silent screams, in wildest dreams i never dreamed of this... in sinking ships, in losing grips, you showed up just in time... your kiss, my cheek, i watched you leave. your smile, my ghost, i fell to my knees. when you’re young you just run but you come back to what you need. this love is good, this love is bad, this love is alive back from the dead. these hands had to let it go free. this love came back to me.”

Okay, this one chokes me up I cannot tell a lie. Sabrina never wanted to end things with West, but she was forced to by her mother. He promised her that they’d find their way back to each other one day, but I don’t think she ever really believed it from her spot under her mother’s thumb. West came back into her life at exactly the right moment, right as she started to lose sight of who she is. Now that their love has come back to her, she’ll do whatever she has to, to protect it. 

Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince - Taylor Swift “its you and me, that’s my whole world. they whisper in the hallway she’s a bad, bad girl. the whole school is rolling fake dice, you play stupid games you win stupid prizes. its you and me, there’s nothing like this, miss americana and the heartbreak prince. we’re so sad we paint the town blue, voted most likely to run away with you.” 

I love the imagery of Sabrina the prom queen, pageant girl gone bad and West as this heartbreaker guy. Everything is falling apart around them, but the two of them are pretty much all that matters to her. 

Little Did I Know - Julia Michaels “the summer before you, you can’t spell ‘drama’ without consonants. and i admit, i usually was the cause of it. now here we are, you got me changing all of it. slow me down, i want you too. it’s different when it comes to you. but little did i know you would be the one i confide in, learn how to try with. little did i know it was you before i ever decided... just look at you can you blame me?” 

Let’s throw it all the way back to teenage West and Sabrina for this one. West Virginia and Sabrina Logan were probably the last two people on Earth anyone thought would fall in love. Glenda Logan’s seemingly uptight daughter and the boy from the wrong side of the tracks? Sabrina agreed to go on a date with him to piss her mother off, but it only took five minutes for her to realize there was an intense spark between them. Both then and now, West makes her want to be the best version of herself. It’s the version he deserves to be with. 

@beachboy-west

[caseyfm]

𝐓𝐀𝐒𝐊 𝟐𝟎𝟏 // 𝐂𝐀𝐒𝐄𝐘 𝐑𝐔𝐒𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐋, 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐁𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐊 𝐊𝐈𝐃

THE LUX FILES BIO:

Casey got used to labels. The power was in taking all those whispers and staking claim to them so hard that they became weaponised against anyone who dared to speak ill of him. He wore them like armour even after high school— with a tighter grip — when every thought of stability slipped away. Yet, Lux had a way of seeing past it... or maybe she just had the patience to sit down with him long enough to suss him out. She saw the good parts; uncovered the hopes and dreams that he’d never speak aloud to anyone else. She believed that with the band he could actually do something with his life and for that she earnt his trust. 

He hadn’t been there the night she died, but it still doesn’t stop him from replaying what might have happened. After that, he made a promise to himself that whilst he’d failed to look out for Lux while she was alive, that he’d keep a more watchful eye out for the rest of the gang. It wouldn’t happen again. Whether it was that, recklessness, or an act of bravery that made him tackle Ethan Powers at the CherryPlex - well, jury’s still out! Still, he feels like he’s righted the wrong to Lux and he’s been planning to get a tattoo on the site of the scar on his abdomen in her memory. 

But, since finding out her death wasn’t a suicide, he can’t help but feel a little on edge. Lux’s involvement in the LDB demonstrated to him that she knew things. Powerful people. He can’t help but worry that she may have got in a little too over her head… he may not know why someone would want to kill Lux, but he has his suspicions as to who might have done it. 

CASEY’S SECRET:

It’s no secret that Casey went a little off the rails after high school. He forewent college altogether, gave in to his impulsive thoughts and he relented - if he was going to be a stain on Cherry? He’d pull himself apart at the seams before he gave the opportunity to someone else to do it for him. So, he focused on the one important thing he could still make sure turned out alright - his little brother. And it went a little something like: down more than a couple shots of tequila one night and make a list. Number one being ‘get out of Cherry at all costs’. But like all ill-concocted plans — he wanted a quick solution to the problem and that came in the form of a loan taken out with a shady backstreet lender. 

Eventually, the demand letters came and they included interest. So, he went to the only person he felt could help at all, Harvard Hargrove II, looking for work. And sure enough, the offer of work at the Boardwalk helped for a while! ... Until a letter arrived at the door declaring that the demands had grown even higher (and with a threat of physical punishment if they remained unpaid). So, he naturally went back to Hargrove and was offered a second job that was far more lucrative.

The debt has loomed above his head ever since; while he’s had a break from being threatened by the Candy Girl, he has not had one from his lender. Even now, helping Ronnie out more at The Pit alongside his full-time job at the Boardwalk - it wouldn’t be quite enough to make ends meet without taking the extra work from Hargrove. He knows he needs the stability that being under Hargrove’s thumb provides, whether he likes it or not. Which also means he has to rely on Hargrove and whatever he might have planned for him next. But he’s proved to this point that he can handle himself — can’t he?

CASEY’S CONNECTIONS:

The Mannequin. Undying loyalty has a name — and it’s Audrina Archer! For as long as he can remember, Audrina’s felt like a safe space to land. A home when returning to the Russell house didn’t seem like an option in high school. There wasn’t a secret in the world that he felt like he couldn’t share with her and it’s hard to let go of that residual love. Of what it was like to feel wanted and more importantly, be wanted. It’s why he’d still do anything for her. But between her new relationship ... the ongoing secret of he and Zahra... and the other strains on their bond, it’s probably only a matter of time before the secrets they keep from each other impact them in some way.

The Golden Boy. He’d like to say their relationship only became strained as a result of the affair, but it’s more than that. Being friends was just easier when they were kids. When their differences were what made their friendship beautiful rather than what would come to put so much pressure on it. But as they got older, it became hard not to envy Harvey’s life. Whether it was Harvey having his dad around, his car, or eventually how he could have the approval of Audrina’s family and fit in with her life. As a result, Casey became overly competitive in trying to prove that he was worth just as much as him until the entire situation practically imploded. Still ... even with all the hurt caused, he can’t help but be nostalgic for the good times. A factor that contributes to their tentative peace in the wake of what would have happened if they’d lost him to the Phantom. 

The Writer. For as long as he can remember, it’s always seemed like his first instinct has been to protect Noah. From what happened at home, to making sure he was included in anything where his friends were concerned, there’s a deep bond of trust and Casey would confidently call Noah his best friend. Sure, things may have become strained over the past year, but ever since they had a heart to heart in The Pit, Casey’s been determined to put things right and remedy the broken trust. They’re teammates first and foremost - and yet he still finds himself holding back from revealing everything when it comes to his real career.

The Bitch. It was a drunken one night stand after a party on a return trip of Zahra’s from Harvard. Or it was supposed to be anyway... until it became a recurring thing. Just like it became a recurring thing to look forward to when she came home from school and mentally mark off his calendar for the day she was due back in Cherry. Any blossoming feelings have only heightened since she’s moved back to Cherry and started at CCU - as much as he’s told himself they’re definitely a bad idea for many different reasons. But he can’t fight against the fact that, after Noah, she’s always one of the first people he’s checked in with whenever anything has gone south over the past year... and he genuinely just likes spending time with her. In truth, it’s a little hard not fall in love with her. 

The Classic. What’s a little extra fuel to the Harvey fire? It’s probably a little thoughtless to be sneaking around with Harvey’s friend behind his back, but Casey can’t help but feel nostalgic for the days when it was just the three of them hanging out. The difference now is that Libby and he have exchanged floodlit parking lots for the cover of diners on the outskirts of town or The Pit rooftop by nightfall. But it feels nice - to talk to someone about how weird everything has been and, okay, sometimes get blackout drunk while doing so. When everything else is so high pressure, it’s the little moments like those that mean the most.

The Band. Damn them! For worming their ways into his heart when really he just wanted to work under the guise of the groupies! While things with Mystic Cherry as an actual band have been a work in progress over the past year, Casey’s connection with both Frankie and Mac has only grown stronger. Whether it’s been experiencing Mac write his first song since his writer’s block or late night deep talks with Frankie, he knows when they make it big one day - there are no two people in the world that he’d rather experience it with. 

[cristianova]

TASK 201: CRISTIANO VAN ALLEN *THE ACTIVIST*

THE LUX FILES BIO:

Fact: Cristiano resented the shit out of Lux. She was pretty, popular, & palatable. She didn’t try to get her classmates to sign petitions or picket on the beach. She wasn’t raised by a witch adjacent single mother. But even still...she wasn’t perfect. People flocked to her anyway. Somehow she was the centerpiece for their dysfunctional little friend group. He spent a lot of his adolescence attempting to be friendly to Lux, but ultimately they never truly clicked. They had mutual friends at the end of the day...so somehow their destinies remained intertwined. 

Intertwined for the worst, in Cris’s eyes. Alongside Frankie, Cristiano discovered Lux’s body...and a note containing all of their friends’ worst secrets. So yeah...the girl Cris barely exchanged words with ended up being the one to change his life forever. Things got worse when Candy Girl revealed that she also knew all of these secrets, even if Frankie and Cris tried their darndest to squash the evidence. Since the Candy Girl’s threats, Cristiano has had to play incredibly dumb to all his friends, even though he has so many questions.

CRIS’S SECRET:

After a lifetime of helping his mother keep track of bills, cutting coupons out of the newspaper, and selling art when he could...Cristiano was tired. So when Harvard Hargrove approached him with a business venture…he couldn’t say no. The man was offering him enough money to keep his mother’s business afloat and then some. The trade off: no more big protests out of the Van Allen household. As long as Cristiano could keep his mother pacified, he could expect a fat check every two weeks. Sure...it completely fucked with his self-image and literally everything his mother taught him about capitalism and the man...but he couldn’t conceptualize a world without Twigs. He couldn’t continue to watch his mother pour so much of herself into a business that was struggling to stay afloat. So he has been taking the money and lying like a dog. His cover used to be working at Cherie’s...but since that place went up in literal smoke...he has to find another way to halt suspicion. Good thing he has an in with the Russells. 

CRIS’S CONNECTIONS:

The Filmmaker: Zev and Cris go waaaaaay back. Back when Cris could be louder and weirder without fear of Zev’s stepdad, he saw that same spunk in the kid. Cristiano isn’t much of a mentor, but he likes to think that their consistent collaborations and brainstormings of weird artsy shit helped both of them grow into the creators they are today. Even if Zev is more gentle and subtle and Cris is loud and proud, Cris thinks of Zev as one of his closest Gang connections. He’s fiercely protective of him to this day. 

The Confidant: Cris and Frankie are bonded by shared trauma (and shared secrets). They already got along great before finding Lux’s body and their friends’ secrets...but now they have a shared understanding no one else in the gang could conceptualize. They meet every now and then to therapize each other...since they’re both holding so much baggage (that doesn’t even belong to them!). Lately Cris has been feeling incredibly guilty about lying to all their friends about what they know. Cris and Frankie haven’t really settled on their next move...but they know revealing that they might be the reason Candy Girl held them all hostage in Cherry might not go over so well.

The Romantic: - Growing up Mackenzie and Cristiano were as thick as thieves. Two artists committed to putting their hearts into their craft. It’s the whole mutual inspiration thing. Something changed after Lux died, though. Mackenzie started performing less and less. Slowly but surely, they had less and less to relate to. They’ve always been friendly, but that spark that kept their bond afloat has fizzled a little bit. Cristiano has tried recently to get them back on track, including a surprise birthday gift in February. But with so much going on...he figures it makes sense that the duo hasn’t truly focused on fixing things. Maybe this summer will be their chance?

The Fallen Angel: - Cris’s love for Alice didn’t really catalyze until college. She was cool. But something about seeing her fall from grace when Lux accused her of something she obviously couldn’t have done bonded them a bit closer. Cris was used to being one of the oddballs of the gang...it was kinda natural for him to stick up for Alice when things started to shift for her.  He’s also kinda enamored with her 180 transformation and constantly drives art inspiration from it. 

BONUS CONNECTION:

The Heartbreak Kid: Casey and Cristiano were kinda destined to be close. Their birthdays are only a day apart after all! They’ve spent every birthday together since early elementary school after Astrid attempted to do an astrological reading of Cristiano’s kindergarten class and found out the tea. A little bond was formed. Casey seemed to click a little better with Harvey ( at least until the whole Audrina affair ). They naturally used their annual birthday celebration as a chance to catch up. A chance to be besties for a night or two. It’s been really healthy for them. Now that Cristiano and Casey spent their first birthday post-Lux, Cris feels closer than ever to Casey. So close that he asked him for help getting a job at The Pit this summer. 

[alicealder-arc]

TASK 2.01: ALICE ALDER, THE FALLEN ANGEL.

001. THE LUX FILES BIO.

It would be nice to say that it was just another ‘childhood friends turned lovers’ trope, wouldn’t it be? After all, she, along with Zahra Jackson, became friends with Lux Lewis before she could even tie her shoes. Before the pointless high-school hierarchy, before Lux was beheld as something otherworldly ( good or bad ? dealer’s choice ), before merely being in her proximity meant you became caught up in the whirlwind that she let her life become -- reveled in her life becoming. Unfortunately, this ‘before’ led to an undying loyalty -- perfect to take advantage of, really. Mere chats would turn into long talks, and they would become intertwined in each other’s sheets under the light of the moon. -- Alice tried to accept it for what it was: a shared secret. Lux continued going out with new boys, flirting around, but she would always return... ...Until she didn’t. Until Alice could tell that she was pulling away, leaving her adrift as she began falling in with Audrina Archer -- and she would have been a fool to have thought that was all it was. Nonetheless, Alice stayed for as long as she could, even when she was just hanging on by a thread. Even when she was no longer Alice. There were two nails in the coffin that was their relationship: The rumor broke what was already strained, close to breaking already. The 180º turn it caused, the question of who sent it, the disbelief so many -- especially Lux -- held when she said that she was not the one who sent the rumor. The resignation when Lux began sending her ‘anonymous’ hate mail. The hatred when she saw the other -- because if she couldn’t love her, she would have to hate her. ‘Indifference’ was not an option, not if she wanted to keep her around in some way. The final nail was... you know, her death. For the intense hatred, there had been over a decade of love that made it far too difficult to ring the bell when she died. But as she would learn, everything stayed.

002. Expanded Secret*

Indeed, everything stayed.  In the wake of an overly tumultuous year-and-a-half, from losing the two people who had ever provided a sense of normalcy ( Lux & Zahra ) to losing her family as she knew it, an addictive personality found that neither alcohol nor weed was enough. It eventually increased to Vicodin, at first provided by her step-dad in his five-star retirement home because that’s healthy.  The night of Lux’s death, she had exceeded her regular limit. Not quite enough to OD, but enough to cause worry... And that was when she saw her, a faint glow in the midst of The Pit, a beautiful dress - completely out of place amongst all of the rowdy teenagers: it was Lux... but it was not Lux. Borne out of residual guilt and grief, it became a masochistic hobby: to test her limits in the hopes that she would, once again, find this vividly unreal Lux Lewis standing before her. And it worked. And she always said those unconscious thoughts that Alice could not -- and did not -- want to access on her own. Namely, that she was her cause of death. Of course, at the time, it had been ruled a suicide -- open and shut. ‘Murderer’ stuck out as something more... symbolic. And it would be outlandish to think that she had actually been capable of murdering the young woman the same way... whoever did did. After all, she only ever hated her so that she could keep her around. But the words flew all the same. And it became an accepted title, even when it stopped ‘making sense.’ More than anything, it became a way to keep everything the same. Because enough had changed. *Solely because of Euphoria, I feel it’s worth noting that this has been her secret since long before Zendaya was her FC adhfliasjk

003. The Connections

The Bitch: She and Zahra Jackson were friends before she could count above 10. Along with Lux Lewis, they formed a neat little trio that would last from grade-school all the way through high-school. They were there for each other in the worst of times, saw each other as down as they could get. They were there for each other in the best of times, saw each other as elated as they could get.  But it came to a head when Zahra, by choice or by accident, cut her and Lux off after leaving for college. Had everything remained just as it was before she left, perhaps that could have been accepted as a part of life... because that was what it was, right? You move on to a new stage, you leave people who get stuck behind.  But, in the midst of that crisis of a year, having the ability to really reach Zahra would have fixed so much, so she liked to believe... and yet, it never happened. Love and animosity became two sides of the same coin when Zahra returned. For all of those surface feelings, everything that could be easily accessed, that called out for her to despise Zahra, she never could -- not in the real way. That’s how the story goes when someone knows you. The Confidant: Frankie Freese was a good first move after Lux’s departure from our mortal realm (r/im14andthisisdeep). If she wanted to talk about anything surrounding Lux, the rumor, or the year as a whole, Frankie had an open ear. But, as time progressed and talking about feelings became more and more obsolete, Frankie was there with a blunt and a fun time.  The Romantic: Moving out was a rare borderline spur-of-the-moment decision, making it dumb luck that Mackenzie “Mac” Walsh was also seeking a new place to call ‘home’ and someone to split the utilities with. It has turned into a relationship that almost relies on not talking about it. The fourth girl this week that Mac’s infatuated with? Alright... That baggie in the potted plant? Alright... Anyway, wanna see who can find the worst movie? The Wannabe: Lux sic’ing Kitty Maddox on her was par for the course. Given that she knew Lux was behind it all, thinking of Kitty as anything more than a Scrappy-Doo was quite difficult. Her hatred was more... funny ( in a bitter way ) than it was infuriating. Alice would play along -- that was the intent, right? However, when the act continued after Lux’s death... and then some... it grew old. So stale that it was no longer just humoring a mean little dog -- it was active engagement.  The Activist: Cristiano “Cris” Van Allen was always a welcomed presence, his eccentricities and personality being a relief in a sea filled with so many masks. The relief she felt when he came out as someone who believed her when she said she didn’t write the message, when he was the first of the few to support her during that, was unparalleled. The longer life is drawn out, the more she has grown to appreciate him -- how authentic he is ( haha ) -- even beyond the sticking up he had done. Love you king! The Sleuth: *Pink Panther theme song*

[roryjackson-archived]

TASK 201: RORY COLLINS ⋆THE BABY⋆

THE LUX FILES BIO:

Rory was one of the few members of the gang that wasn’t pulled in by Lux Lewis, leader and linchpin to their group. It was never clear to her whether it was her relationship with Zahra or her friendship with Zev that solidified her place among them, but it wasn’t long before she was a part of the group aol chat, with regular invites to whatever nonsense they were all getting up to. Maybe it should’ve been too much, going from one friend to a whole group with all their big personalities, but she loved it. Loved hanging out with everyone and feeling like she’d found a place in Cherry other than half a step behind her cousin. Even if she wasn’t close with everyone, she cared about them all. And Lux was no exception, even though she was more of an entity to Rory than a close friend. They were all caught in Lux’s gravity; it was the thing that kept them all together. It was easy to like her for that alone, but the blonde girl had charisma in spades- she seemed perfect. What wasn’t to like, right? But that all changed when Rory heard more than she was meant to, late one night at the library. She didn’t mean to eavesdrop, she hadn’t even known Lux was there... but once she heard her friend’s voice arguing a few stacks over, she couldn’t help listening. The last thing she’d expected to hear was Lux pleading with someone, and volunteering the gang’s secrets. It was brutal enough to topple Lux from her pedestal of perfection, and even ever-trusting Rory became suspicious. 

For a long time, she assumed the person on the other end of the line had been the Candy Girl... but nothing ever came out about Lux being threatened by Grace or the mayor. There was still no way to explain it, and it bothered her. Now that the Candy Girl is gone, she and Noah have closed their investigation... but she’s thinking about starting a new one on her own. For the truth about Lux. 

RORY’S SECRET:

Rory is no stranger to violence. Hell, this year wasn’t even Rory’s first brush with death. That had come nearly a decade ago: back when all the members of Guns N’ Roses were still playing together and a ten-year-old Rory was living three and a half hours down the coast with her mom and her abusive father. The summer of 1991 was only just beginning when her father killed her mother, and then came after her. Even after the trial was over and Dan Collins was sentenced to life behind bars, Rory had horrible night terrors. She woke up in the middle of the night screaming and sobbing for her mother for months- convinced that her father was coming to finish what he’d started that night. She’s still afraid he will. 

There’s something horrifying about knowing that even though she’s half Ellie Jackson and all her magic- she’s half Dan Collins too. What would her friends think? Knowing she was related to a murderer? Especially now, after all they’ve been through in the last year... Sometimes it’s all she can see when she looks in the mirror: the parts of her face that came from him. She hates sharing anything with him, would’ve changed her last name to Jackson years ago if she wasn’t so anxious about whether Zahra and Uncle Rocky would be okay with it. Rory’s terrified everyone would look at her differently, if they found out about her father. Not to mention she’s basically let them all think he left or died when she was little rather than tell them the truth since she came to Cherry. Not exactly her best honesty moment.   

Rory feels a lot of guilt about her mother’s death. She was the one who had accidentally lit the fuse on his rage that day. He only went after her mom because Ellie Jackson had ripped him away from Rory and yelled that they were done, that he’d never lay a hand on her or her daughter again. Maybe if she hadn’t made him so angry- maybe if she hadn’t run for the phone in the hallway when he started after her mom... Maybe Ellie Jackson would still be alive. She’s never told Zahra or her uncle how much she blames herself for it- because she can’t bear the thought of either of them blaming her too. 

The last year has brought up a lot of trauma from the night her mom died, and reopened wounds that Rory thought she’d dealt with- jesus, how many times is she going to have to watch someone get stabbed?? The nightmares started to come back the night the Candy Girl nearly drowned her on the beach, but they’ve steadily gotten worse. Rory’s having a hard time dealing with them, and hiding them, especially as the gang has started spending more time together. She just wants to push it all down and be happy again, to be more like the girl she was before all of this started.  

RORY’S CONNECTIONS:

THE FILMMAKER: Best. Friends. Zev was the first friend that Rory made in Cherry, the first person outside of the Jacksons that she really spoke to. But something clicked between them immediately, (a drunk and sappy Rory has been known to declare them platonic soulmates many times) and just like that- they were thicker than thieves in the blink of an eye. Rocky and Jillian were constantly carting the two of them back and forth across town, or calling to see if their kid was still at the other’s house. Both of their worlds have opened up since then, making room for other friends and relationships, but Zev is absolutely always going to be her best friend. Nothing can change that.

THE BITCH: Ride or die. And at the rate they’re going, it’s probably die. Zahra and Rory had an unquestionably rough start. To be fair, she was some ten year old cousin that Zahra’d never met, crashing her entire life. Fighting with Zahra was the only time Rory really talked to anyone other than her uncle, still shut down and grieving. But (thank god, for Rocky’s sake) a few months in, the two of them had a moment of reckoning. And from that moment on, a switch had flipped. They’ve been like sisters ever since, and there’s nothing that Rory wouldn’t do for Zahra. She’s her favorite person, her achilles heel. Things should be a little easier between them now, now that Rory isn’t running off to do stupid dangerous shit investigate with Noah. Then again, she still hasn’t gotten around to telling Zahra about the things she’s been doing with Noah now instead either- or about that wild coma dream, which sort of feels like it goes against the natural order of things. The sky is blue. 2+2=4. Rory doesn’t hide things from Zahra. But there’ll be plenty of time for all of that to come out on their Mandatory Summer Road Trip, right? Uncle Rocky finally put his foot down after his daughter and niece disappeared for two days and then nearly got crushed in the CherryPlex’s demise. He’s sending them away for the summer, to get them out of Cherry, out of danger for a little bit. He hopes. 

THE CONFIDANT: It was kind of nice, having someone outside of Zahra and Uncle Rocky who knew her darkest secret. She felt guilty enough for all of the stuff they’ve had to deal with over the years without piling on more when she doesn’t have to... And Rory’d like to think that maybe regularly checking in with Frankie spares them of some of that burden. Sometimes its hard, talking about her mom with Uncle Rocky. Because she knows part of him is still grieving her too. But Frankie isn’t- and she’s never judged her for crying, for having panic attacks, or any of it. But when the Candy Girl revealed that she knew about Rory’s father... Rory pulled back hard. Because Zahra would never tell anyone. And Frankie was the only other person who knew... She didn’t let herself finish that thought, but she did stop responding to Frankie’s aol messages trying to set up their usual time to hang out and talk. The Candy Girl might be gone now, but she got that information from somewhere. And Rory’s still uneasy about it. Her natural inclination is always to trust her friends, to trust most people without a second thought, but she hasn’t been able to bring herself to meet up with Frankie again yet. 

THE GOLDEN BOY:  Harvey was always more Zahra’s friend than Rory’s, even though she practically half-lived at his house on the weekends. Like she was just another new thing that came with Jillian and Zev. Mostly she thought of him as Zev’s stepbrother, Casey’s best friend, in relation to her other friends instead of ever really getting close to him herself. Whether that was out of loyalty to Zev, or because of the itsy bitsy massive crush she had on him at the end of middle school that made her freeze and turn red every time he so much as looked at her for a while. Thankfully that hadn’t lasted too long, petering out around the time Rory got her first boyfriend, landing Harvey right back in friendly acquaintances territory. Until, well, the Candy Girl. When they both found themselves awake in the middle of the night, raiding the impressive Hargrove kitchen, they ended up talking. Rory was startled when she realized the sun was starting to rise, and they’d been talking for hours. It happened a couple of times before the clusterfuck that was the CherryPlex, where Grace- William- The Phantom touched them. Rory had one of the strangest, most real-feeling dreams she’s ever had while she was in that coma. And Harvey was in it. Now that they’re both awake and out of the hospital, she’s been wrestling with whether to ask him about it. For once, Rory’s kind of hoping it was just one of her nightmares taking a bizarre twist because of whatever the Phantom did... But either way- she feels oddly connected to Harvey now. She’s not sure if he’d say the same, but he’s her friend now too. 

THE WRITER:  When Noah opened up his notebook and told her he was trying to figure all of the Candy Girl insanity out- it was like he threw Rory a lifeline. She’d been reeling from her near drowning, still trying to shake the fear of being grabbed like that again, and he’d offered her something else to focus on. Their investigation made her feel like they were actually doing something. It gave her hope, and a new friendship. But over afternoons spent biking across town to check this book talk to that person, and long hours spent pouring over all the information they had in Noah’s room, it grew into something else. Girly caught feelings.  The threat of the Candy Girl is gone, but the butterflies in her stomach definitely haven’t gone anywhere. Hell, they’ve taken up residence and declared their intention to stay a while. But Rory would be lying if she said she wasn’t excited to see where this goes. There weren’t many silver linings this year... but he’s her favorite one. 

[ozzyokala]

History - Julia Michaels “have you ever broken a bone? what was your teacher’s name in third grade? do you cry when movies hit home? do you hate your family on holidays? have you ever had an existential crisis? have you ever really had a lover like this? tell me everything, i want your history. ‘cause we could be history in the making. tell me everything, talk to me honestly.” 

Ah, the honeymoon phase. If I had one wish it would be to leave these two here forever. Ozzy is starting to realize he might have misjudged Parker at the beginning, and now he’s interested in knowing every little thing about him. The irony of it is that he’s telling little lies to Parker about his own history. For the most part it’s all true, but he’s not willing to own up to where he’s really from because he too scared to lose the person he’s felt the closest too since his ex. 

To Be So Lonely - Harry Styles “don’t blame me for falling, i was just a little boy. don’t blame the drunk calling, wasn’t ready for it all. you can’t blame me darling, not even a little bit. i was away and i’m just an arrogant son of a bitch who can’t admit when he’s sorry. don’t call me baby again, you got your reasons... i just hope you see me in a little better light.” 

When things eventually do explode, I expect Ozzy to take a very defensive route. The way he sees it, it’s not his fault he’s from the Southside and he shouldn’t have to feel sorry about it. If Parker wasn’t so caught up in his neighborhood watch bullshit they could have avoided the whole thing. And while he will feel sorry and will want to reach out to apologize, but his pride is definitely going to get the best of him there. Drunk calls, though? 100%. 

The Very First Night - Taylor Swift “we never saw it coming, not trying to fall in love but we did like children running. back then we didn’t know we were built to fall apart. we broke the status quo, then we broke each other’s hearts. but don’t forget about the night out in LA, dance in the kitchen chase me down through the hallway. no one knows about the words that we whispered, no one knows how much i miss you... i miss you like it was the very first night.”

I can already see Ozzy laying in his bed, replaying every moment him and Parker spent together. A part of him always knew they were doomed, but he wants nothing more than to rewind everything and go back to the beginning. He wants to live in the feeling of crushing on one another and exchanging little smiles and flirty banter forever. What hurts worse is that no one knows about them, and he’s going to feel like he’s going to have to grieve in secret. 

If I Could Turn Back Time - Cher “my world shattered, i was torn apart like someone took a knife and drove it deep in my heart. when you walked out that door i swore that i didn’t care, but i lost everything, darlin’, then and there. too strong to tell you i was sorry, too proud to tell you i was wrong. i know that i was blind and darlin’ if i could turn back time, if i could find a way, i’d take back those words that have hurt you and you’d stay.” 

Same vibes as the last two songs. When Parker leaves Ozzy is going to put on a brave face and pretend that it doesn’t matter to him, when really it’s going to tear his whole world apart. I don’t think he’s going to realize just how attached to Parker he is until he’s gone, and then he’ll want nothing more than to turn back time and fix everything before it can break. 

august - Taylor Swift “back when we were still changing for the better. wanting was enough, for me it was enough. to live for the hope of it all, cancel plans just incase you’d call and say ‘meet me behind the mall’. so much for summer love and saying ‘us’, ‘cause you weren’t mine to lose. but i can see us lost in the memory, august slipped away into a moment in time. ‘cause it was never mine. and i can see us twisted in bedsheets, august sipped away like a bottle of wine. ‘cause you were never mine.” 

I think for Ozzy, he never actually expected anything to happen between the two of them. I think “wanting was enough” is the perfect line to describe the way he’s feeling, because he was okay leaving things in a silly flirtationship and then they just took off. Looking back, he’s going to feel like Parker was never really his because he couldn’t commit to him publicly. The whole thing is going to feel like it fell right out of Ozzy’s hands, and he’s going to wish that they never started anything in the first place. 

Illicit Affairs - Taylor Swift “that’s the thing about illicit affairs and clandestine meetings and stolen stares. they show their truth one single time, but they lie and they lie and they lie. and you wanna scream don’t call me ‘kid’, don’t call me ‘baby’ look at this godforsaken mess that you made me. you showed me colors i can’t see with anyone else... you taught me a secret language i can’t speak with anyone else.” 

I was driving the other day and the “don’t call me kid” line punched me so hard in the gut I had to start the song over because it reminded me of them SO MUCH. Ozzy isn’t new to being someone’s secret, but it doesn’t make things any less frustrating for him. He’s in one world with Parker and another when they step outside of his apartment, but he wants nothing more than to combine them. 

@parkerpantone

[elainefm]

She - dodie “am i allowed to look at her like that? could it be wrong when she’s just so nice to look at?... i’d never tell, no i’d never say a word. and oh, it aches, but it feels oddly good to hurt... even when she’s right next to me we could not be more far apart... she smells like lemongrass and sleep. she tastes like apple juice and peach. you would find her in a polaroid picture. yes she, means everything to me.” 

Here’s the thing, little miss repressed Elaine Archer truly had NO IDEA she liked girls until Lux strolled in. Once everything shifted into focus she was like OHH THIS ALL MAKES SENSE NOW! She definitely felt this ache when it came to Lux, but like a good ache for once, not a guilty one. I think she always knew that Lux wasn’t really fully hers and that she could never fully be Lux’s, but she was okay with the temporality of their relationship before she set off to college. I don’t think she understood just how much she fell for Lux until she was in New York and even then I don’t think it fully set in until Lux died. The good ache has definitely turned into full on grief and regret, of not showing up for her when she was needed and not loving her the way she wanted to when she had the chance. 

I miss you, I’m sorry - Gracie Abrahams “you said ‘forever’ in the end i fought it. please be honest, are we better for it? thought you’d hate me, but instead you called and said ‘i miss you’...nothing happened in the way i wanted, every corner of this house is haunted. but i miss you, i’m sorry.” 

Again, Elaine really pushed back against Lux when she called asking for her back. She told her things would be better if she disappeared after Lux threatened to spill her secrets and now that she’s dead she regrets all of it. In a way that she definitely wouldn’t if Lux was still alive. It’s that could’ve would’ve should’ve thing people do when someone passes, and she’s looking back wishing that she’d handled everything differently. 

Graceland Too - Phoebe Bridgers “so we spent what was left of our serotonin to chew on our cheeks and stare at the moon. said she knows she lived through it to get to this moment. ate a sleeve of saltines on my floor and i knew then, i would do anything you want me to. i would do anything for you.” 

Phoebe Bridgers has described this song as a wish for a friend, meaning that the events of the song didn’t actually take place. If Elaine could go back and change things, this song is how they would have went down. Elaine would have been there to help Lux through whatever it was she was struggling with. In the last conversation they had, Elaine was refusing to give her what she wanted. She would do anything Lux asked now if it meant having her back. Even if she would be destroying herself in the process. 

Silk Chiffon - MUNA (feat. Phoebe Bridgers) “watch her silk dress dancing in the wind, watch it brush against her skin, makes me wanna try her on... she turns ‘round halfway down the aisle, with that ‘you’re on camera’ smile like she wants to try me on... life’s so fun, life’s so fun don’t need to worry about no one, she said i got her if i want. she’s so soft like silk chiffon.” 

Okay, let’s leave this on a happy-ish note. This song reminds me of the beginning of Elaine and Lux’s relationship. All flirty glances and soft touches and staying out all night together. The two of them sort of wrapped up in one another, blocking out the rest of the world. 

[ofsouthsidcrs]

𝐫𝐨𝐜𝐤𝐲 & 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐳𝐡ō𝐮'𝐬: 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐢 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

i bet on losing dogs by mitski ––– listen

“ i know they're losing and i'll pay for my place by the ring where I'll be looking in their eyes when they're down. i'll be there on their side, i'm losing by their side ”

the metaphor in this song is incredibly obvious thank u mitski, and i think it’s also pretty obvious how it applies to rocky and her family. she knows there’s not a lot she can do to “save them” she’s known that for a long time, but it doesn’t make her loyalty to them falter any. she’s in their corner, she’s losing with them. maybe that’s a fault of her’s, but that’s what family is for, right? if their places were swapped, they would do the same for her, right? she doesn’t know it, but she has to believe it. even if it feels completely delusional sometimes.

use once and destroy by hole ––– listen

“ i went down to rescue you, i went all the way down. fill your hungry wretched life. here they come it’s closing time ” 

this song is like the rocky anthem to me sdkljfs its where all the titles on her blog are from, it’s where i got wretchedrocky from for her aol username like its THE rocky song. and i believe it applies to her in a couple ways but specifically looking at it in terms of her family, it’s this notion of i tried to help you and it’s ruined me. the way her family’s actions have affected her and shaped her life in many ways. she tries not to be that bitch but she often wonders what her life would be like if things had been different, if her dad had never lost his job all those years ago. but all the things that happened, did happened. all the things they did, they did. all the things she did, she did. so at this stage, she has somewhat accepted her position in the dregs of her own life. “ it might as well, it might as well hurt ” 

the curse of the blackened eye by orville peck ––– listen

“ always said ‘i should work on my escape’. have a heart too long, it’s bound to break. acting out the opus of your last eternal ache. boy, just sing the song for heaven’s sake ”

u guys don’t know this about me yet but its really not a relating-songs-to-characters task with me if i dont try with all my might to throw an orville peck song in there somewhere. and the curse of the blackened eye is such a rocky and the zhōu’s song. the idea of a fate being handed to you, the idea of not being able to out run it, the idea of giving in to the fate. the endless circle of it all, and similarly to use once and destroy, the acceptance of that sort of fate. the way her family is, the things they’ve done, those are things rocky will always carry. she’s tried to leave it behind, and she couldn’t. she’s tried to be better than all those things, to be stronger, and she couldn’t. and that eventually, her own fate (deeply tied to her family’s) is inescapable, it is always going to be behind her and at some point it is going to catch up.

special mentions: a better son/daughter by rilo kiley, solitary confinement by everybody’s worried about owen, time in a tree by raleigh ritchie, scar tissue by the red hot chilli peppers

[ofwannabees]

THE LUX FILES  —  katherine quinn maddox edition.

In Kitty’s eyes, Lux Lewis was a goddess among the masses. No matter how much she climbed the social ladder, no matter what she did – none of it was ever enough for Lux to give her the time of day. She was untouchable.

She was everything Kitty wanted to be.

Admiration breeds resentment. That’s precisely what happened between Kitty and Lux. The constant running around after Lux to get nothing in return – at least Zahra and Audrina acted like they could stand her! Eventually, Lux’s untouchable nature twisted from something Kitty admired to something she couldn’t stand. Nights spent screaming into her pillows. The more public, more embarrassing breakdowns.

It’s not a surprise that Lux’s death is almost synonymous with relief in Kitty’s mind. The Lewis girl might have kept her at arm’s length, but Kitty could play the role of grieving friend. No one would call out the default HBIC of Cherry ( or Audrina & Zahra’s weird little protégé once they came back ! )

THE SECRET.

Estelle always wanted the picture-perfect family. That’s the only reason she accepted the ring from Isaac Maddox when she found out she was pregnant. It wasn’t the life she wanted for herself. No fancy house or ring, her husband was a nobody. A total fall from grace. It went without saying that Estelle Maddox was never really present in her life or family. She always had one foot out the door and had countless affairs. Kitty knew, but keeping her secret was the first thing that felt like mother-daughter bonding.

When Isaac found out, a big fight ended with him walking out on the family. Estelle Maddox spun a story about illness and going home to be with his family. Then eventually, him passing away. It was better to be a widow than a divorcee!

From things like a free meal here and there to actually being given some money, the town united to help a family known to be struggling following the devastating blow of losing a father / husband. Of course, they never said anything. Keeping the charade up and accepting sympathy still to this day.

CONNECTIONS.

THE BITCH — ½  of  kitty's  high  school  idols.  the  key  difference  between  the  idealisation  of  audrina  and  zahra  was  that  kitty  wasn't  drawn  in  by  wealth  or  assets  when  it  came  to  zahra.  she  was  powerful  and  confident.  the  type  of  self-assured  kitty  could  only  ever  dream  of  being.  though  she  spends  more  time  with  audrina  archer,  kitty  respects  zahra  more.  it  had  taken  a  little  more  effort  to  break  down  her  walls,  but  it  had  been  just  as  worth  it.  zahra  had  saved  her  ass  from  audrina's  hissy  fits  many  times.  especially  when  she  picked  what  the  redhead ��would  class  as  'the  wrong  choice'  during  their  fights  in  high  school.  she's  seen  zahra  rip  other  people  to  shreds  before  and  knows  that  if  she  genuinely  fucked  up,  the  older  girl  wouldn't  hesitate  to  put  her  on  the  receiving  end.  it  almost  makes  their  interactions  feel  a  little  sweeter,  even  if  kitty  is  a  glorified  errand-runner.  zahra  lets  her  hang  around,  and  she's  grateful  for  it.  with  tensions  growing  between  kitty  and  audrina,  zahra  is  going  to  become  somewhat  of  a  safe  space,  whether  she  likes  it  or  not.  all  kitty  can  do  is  hope  that  zahra  doesn't  cast  her  out  in  favour  of  audrina.

THE CLASSIC —  kitty  hated  to  call  their  dynamic  a  competition.  that  would  imply  that  libby  logan  was  on  the  same  level  as  her!  no,  this  was  simply  kitty  carrying  on  what  lux  didn’t  finish.  it  was  proving  her  loyalty  to  audrina  archer.  it  absolutely  had  nothing  to  do  with  the  fact  libby  was  little  miss  perfect  seemingly  effortlessly.  her  post-lux  spiral  was  almost  therapeutic  to  kitty.  now  that  she’s  reinventing  herself  for  the  new  school  year,  kitty’s  security  is  starting  to  crumble.  especially  now  that  she’s  spending  so  much  time  with  audrina.  perhaps  seeing  her  all  put  back  together  again  will  remind  mackenzie  walsh  just  why  he  liked  her  so  much.  needless  to  say,  kitty  will  do  whatever  it  takes  to  tear  libby  back  down  where  she  belongs.

THE FALLEN ANGEL — alice  alder  is  yet  another  victim  of  lux  pointing  and  kitty  hunting  mercilessly.  it's  a  little  awkward  when  you  factor  in  the  whole  'your  not-boyfriend's  roommate'  of  it  all,  but  kitty  is  almost  a  pro  at  avoiding  people.  just  ask  the  southsider!  there  is  some  residual  guilt  that  lingers  as  a  result  of  starting  the  rumour  that  ended  her  friendship  with  lux,  but  it's  all  covered  up  with  hostility  and  anger.  it's  not  like  it's  one-sided,  anyways.  fighting  is  just  a  part  of  their  dynamic.  the  day  those  two  start  to  tolerate  each  other  is  when  there's  cause  for  concern.  the  world  is  probably  ending.

THE MANNEQUIN — the  other  ½  of  kitty's  high  school  idols.  she  admires  audrina,  the  archer's  as  a  whole.  it's  the  life  estelle  had  always  envisioned  for  himself.  where  she  had  always  tried  to  direct  kitty  to  go.  it  was  a  no  brainer  that  she  would  cling  to  audrina  when  she  took  her  under  her  wing.  sleepovers  at  her  house,  working  at  her  mother's  shop  with  her.  audrina  was  the  first  person  to  make  kitty  feel  like  she  was  somebody.  there  will  always  be  a  soft  spot  for  the  redhead  because  of  that.  perhaps  that's  why  she'd  go  through  with  any  scheme  audrina  suggested  without  question.  it's  not  like  anyone  could  actually  call  her  out  it.  she  had  protection  in  the  form  of  audrina  archer.  like  she  had  once  admired  in  lux,  they  were  untouchable.  it  even  won  over  mia  montoya  when  she  was  willing  to  scheme  against  belle.  she  owes  a  lot  to  the  other  girl,  which  is  the  only  reason  she  hasn't  completely  unravelled  and  told  her  how  she  thinks  keeping  her  back  in  cherry  was  the  worst  thing  candy  girl  has  done.  even  being  buried  alive  paled  in  comparison  to  being  knocked  down  to  an  adoring  minion  once  again.  things  seem  to  be  getting  better  with  the  potential  of  audrina  going  back  to  her  own  school  come  fall,  but  things  are  bound  to  get  messy  when  they  find  out  they're  stuck  in  cherry  together.  once  she  starts  letting  libby  logan  hang  around?  maybe  she'll  finally  entertain  the  thought  of  letting  harvey  give  her  the  attention  he's  wanted  to  since  she  snuck  behind  audrina's  back  to  see  him  in  the  hospital.

THE WRITER — attention  from  boys  came  hand  in  hand  with  kitty’s  newfound  popularity.  from  noah  russell,  however,  it  was  different.  a  crush.  emotions  and  all.  kitty  was  convinced  that  he  was  just  another  geek  desperate  for  attention  from  someone  out  of  his  league.  why  else  would  he  linger  on  for  so  long?  he  was  yet  another  victim  of  the  beautiful  facade  kitty  had  built  up.  no  matter  how  close  they  got,  kitty  would  always  wear  up  and  down  that  she  didn’t  rely  on  him.  the  weird  writer  boy  was  just  another  face  in  the  crowd.  even  when  she  started  to  let  him  see  through  the  act  here  and  there.  for  a  brief  moment,  noah  russell  knew  her  better  than  anyone  else  in  the  gang.  his  opinion  of  her  had  worked  its  way  up  the  ladder  of  importance  without  warning  until  suddenly  he  was  as  important  as  the  popular  kids  she  was  yanked  back  and  forth  by.  it  was  no  surprise  that  kitty  lashed  out  when  it  was  taken  away  from  her.  jealousy,  insecurity.  all  those  ugly  traits  that  were  supposed  to  go  away  when  she  had  cherry  in  the  palm  of  her  hand  started  bubbling  to  the  surface.  how  else  would  you  react  when  you  let  someone  see  the  real  you  and  they  turn  to  someone  else?  the  worst  part  was  that  he  didn’t  go  for  another  perfect  blonde  cheerleader.  the  likelihood  of  kitty  being  a  stepping  stone  to  popularity  in  his  eyes?  pretty  much  nonexistent.  not  that  she  could  ever  admit  she  was  wrong  about  them.

[zahrajackson]

mini-playlist task!

ft. @rorycollins , @alicealder , @caseyfm .

zahra & rory: achilles heel.

little talks - of monsters and men. ( there's an old voice in my head / that's holding me back / well, tell her that i miss our little talks. )

Sometimes you listen to a song you’ve listened to a lot and suddenly go “huh. this reminds me of the jackson girl’s nightmare patrol”. There’s just a tenderness to this song that I think mirrors the tenderness Zahra approaches Rory with in the middle of the night. We are respectfully ignoring the bridge in the hopes it never applies to them tho, thanks.

sister - k. flay. ( if you ever go and get your heart broke / i would take a red eye plane / ride or die forever / i got you (i got you). )

Okay, they’re not technically sisters, but aren’t they though? Rory is Zahra’s ride or die. There’s a lot she’d do just because Rory asked. And, yeah, she does want to call Rory her sister. Half the time I accidentally write that instead of cousin. This song really just encapsulates all that.

some things are meant to be - from little women, the musical. ( let's be wild up high above the sand / feel the wind, the world at our command / let's enjoy the view and never land. )

This one is a little fucking depressing okay, I’ll admit it. Like, (spoilers for Little Women ig) this is the song Beth sings on the beach right before she dies.  It’s just my ‘siblings who are really close’ song. But beyond that, there’s something about it - the beach imagery, the certainty of love, the little “beth is mine!” at the start. It captures the feeling that Rory was meant to be in Zahra’s life, and that won’t ever change. Rory is hers - Rory is a part of her. Anyway, if Rory ever dies I’m suing.

run - taylor swift, ed sheeran. ( give me the keys, i'll bring the car back around / we shouldn't be in this town. )

I’ll admit, I’m not totally happy with this one. But! I needed a ‘holy shit we gotta get out of Cherry’ song. Zahra’s been wanting to get Rory out of town since day one! Because Cherry might actually get them killed, and also who wants to be trapped in their small town forever?

girls just wanna have fun - cyndi lauper. ( i wanna be the one to walk in the sun / oh girls, they wanna have fun. )

I just wanted them to have a real fun one. A ‘dance around the room, singing along loud enough to annoy Rocky’ kinda song. They’re the dream team, baby! They gotta have fun with it!

zahra & alice: bitter dregs of childhood.

slumber -  sløtface. ( even as a child i know / that i’ll never have friends like these again. )

It’s about childhood! It’s about looking at your best friend(s) and knowing this is something special. I don’t know, it just makes me think of all the sleepovers Zahra and Alice have had, and all the moments of simple childhood friendship that have long passed. Things were so good once. Things were so easy once.

motion sickness - phoebe bridgers. ( i hate you for what you did / and i miss you like a little kid. )

I’ll be honest, that first line really is a big reason for this songs presence. It’s a great encapsulation of how Zahra feels - hatred, and a yearning for her friend back. It makes her feel childish and angry. And now especially emotional motion sickness feels accurate. She went from hostility to concern to whatever the hell they’re doing now over the past year. If anyone can send Zahra on an emotional rollercoaster, it’s Alice. (And Lux).

shade of yellow - griff. ( oh, 'cause there's a light in your room / and the lamp is a shade of yellow / and it makes me feel safe and sound / and I swear that's rare these days. )

This is the real early days - the Zahra’s parents are arguing and her mum’s about to leave days. The days she’d go over to Alice and Lux’s houses rather than be at home. And, even after she got through that, the specific comfort that came from being in her best friend’s room. Alice made her feel safe - and maybe she still does. And part of her always wants to run back to Alice, despite all the bad blood between them.

allies or enemies - the crane wives. ( what happens now? / do we have another go? / do we bow out and take our separate roads? / i'll admit i've had my doubts / but i want to be let in not out. )

I had to have a Crane Wives song somewhere in these playlists, and this really does capture the ??? stage they’re in. Are they friendly? Are they fighting? Are they just gonna stay in this weird liminal space between those options? Things have irrevocably changed between them, and they’ve both hurt each other, but Zahra wants things to be better. If not friends, then allies. Just... something.

good 4 u - olivia rodrigo. ( i've lost my mind, i've spent the night crying on the floor of my bathroom / but you're so unaffected, i really don't get it / but i guess good for you. )

There’s gotta be a song here that’s just fucking angry. Zahra hates Alice. She also loves her. It’s complicated. Needless to say, feeling angry just feels better than feeling anything complicated. And good 4 u really channels the, like, perceived lack of care? Like, Zahra definitely started off just like,, oh, so Alice just doesn’t give a shit about me? and I’m out here in emotional turmoil? Fuck you too. A girl’s gotta channel her resentment, bitterness, and abandonment issues, y’know? Especially when it seems like someone she cares so much about just cut her out like she was nothing. So yeah. The Angry Song.

zahra & casey: glitch in the heart.

nothing like you and i - the perishers. ( we spent some time together walking / spent some time just talking / about who we were / you held my hand so very tightly / and told me what we could be / dreaming of. )

From the first verse, this song immediately makes me think of their quiet moments - of the talk on the beach, about how they felt and what could be. Zahra has never really had something like what she has with Casey before. For her, ‘nothing like you and I’ is true, and will be no matter what happens. It’s a quieter, subtler, more contemplative kind of song. When she lets it happen, he brings that out in her.

don’t worry, you will - lovelytheband. ( she said, "i can't find a thing i don't like about you" / and i'm like, "don't worry, you will". )

Thinking about Casey insisting he’d fuck things up. Thinking about expecting someone to leave. Thinking about the cynicism woven into their dynamic. And beyond Casey’s insecurities (illegal Ella, wtf), I’m thinking about Zahra, who... insecurity is never the right word for, but is very much aware of the worst parts of herself. They’re her best defence. She uses them to stress test her relationships. And then there’s the role she played in the Audrina-Harvey-Casey shit, and the way (with the Candy Girl arond) it coming out feels like an inevitability. Casey hasn’t found a reason to pull away yet? He will. (bonus content: i did eye the song ‘broken’ by the same band, so. do with that what you will lmao)

nobody - hozier. ( i’d be appalled if you ever tried to be a saint / i wouldn’t fall for someone i thought couldn’t misbehave. // and on the other side, why should we deny the truth? / we could have less to worry about, honey, i won't lie to you / but everything i do, i've had no love like your love. )

It’s about caring for someone both in spite of and because of their rough edges for me babes. Like, neither of these people are goody two shoes. And it also makes me think of Zahra leaving Cherry for the big wide world, and finding herself coming back to Casey whenever she came home. Sure, maybe she’d have a fling or two while away at Harvard, but there was still no one like him. Their whole thing could be easier and simpler, sure. But maybe it’s worth the complication.

his hands - blegh. ( he feels handcrafted just for you / but he's a little bit too far away and / you can’t, you can't / his hands are on you / and you know you’ll be gone by the morning but you know he loves you / and you know you like his strong hands, strong hands. // i kissed every stranger in the corridor that night / i think i was searching for the taste of you in every one. )

This one lives in my head rent free tbh. I think the repetition at the end does a good job on encapsulating the weird mix of denial and self-awareness Zahra had (and probably still has) regarding her feelings for Casey. Like, the way she knew she cared about him and considered him a friend, but also knew she probably could and would fall for him the longer their thing went on. Maybe she already had. Even when she was pretty sure of how he felt, there was still a struggle to come to terms with her own feelings. Also she likes his hands. Sometimes it’s about the hands guys idk what to tell you.

luminous - sløtface. ( you’re a / glitch in my heart / punch to the gut / you’re a luminous. )

I think there’s like,, three concepts in this song for me. First off, let me let y’all in on something about Zahra: sometimes people just click. It happened with Lux and Alice. It happened with Rory. It happened with Audrina. It probably happened Savannah. It doesn’t always happen immediately, and it doesn’t happen with everyone, but it’s like something locks into place and they become Important. And the first time she really talked to Casey, once high school was over and intermediary friends were gone? Something clicked. Or she felt it clicking and tried to ignore it (see: “ i was gone / before i went anywhere with you ”). Then, there’s the element of just, like, wanting to stay up late talking to someone? For all that they started off hooking up, Zahra really does enjoy just talking to Casey. And finally, I think Zahra feels very viscerally when she lets herself (especially watching Casey get stabbed... now that was a punch to the gut fellas) and the chorus really encapsulates that.

dress - taylor swift. ( i’m spilling wine in the bathtub / you kiss my face and we're both drunk / everyone thinks that they know us / but they know nothin' about / all of this silence and patience, pining and anticipation / my hands are shaking from holding back from you. )

Ella you said you couldn’t decide between this or Dancing With Our Hands Tied for yours so I put it on mine. For more than just that, but partly because of that. I think I could make another playlist that’s just, like, Taylor Swift songs that remind me of them in some way. This one just! Captures a lot! The secret relationship, the trying not to reach out, the more than friends in a romantic and sexual way! Idk it’s just a vibe!

bad idea! - girl in red. ( it was a bad idea / calling you up / was such a bad idea / i'm totally fucked. )

The title says it all babes. This whole thing was a bad idea from the start! And yet the mad lads did it anyway! And keep doing it! Sometimes you just gotta hook up with someone pretty ig.

[sxbrinalogan]

The Glenda Section:

Requiem - Dear Evan Hansen “you were the flood that swallowed us whole, refusing a love we endlessly gave you. you were a fire out of control, the blaze that couldn’t be tamed... don’t tell me that i didn’t have it right, don’t tell me that it wasn’t black and white. after all you put me through, don’t say it wasn’t true, that you were not the monster that i knew.” 

Okay so I’ve officially exposed myself as a theater kid, ANYWAY. When it comes down to it, Glenda is at the center of the Logan family’s issues. Not that I think they didn’t already know that, but I think now that the three of them are out of it they’ll be able to identify just how fucked up of a situation they were in. I’m SURE they’ve heard someone say shit like “she’s the only mother you’ll have!!” etc. etc., but they’re not wrong to think Glenda was a total monster to all of them because she WAS. None of them are going to sing a requiem for the relationship they’ve lost, because there’s nothing to grieve. 

Because of You - Kelly Clarkson “i lose my way and its not too long before you point it out. i cannot cry because i know that’s weakness in your eyes. i’m forced to fake a smile, a laugh every day of my life. my heart can’t possibly break when it wasn’t even whole to start with... you never thought of anyone else, you just saw your pain. and now i cry in the middle of the night for the same damn thing.” 

A continuation of the GLENDA SUCKS conversation. 

*End Glenda Section*

Slipping Through My Fingers - ABBA “slipping through my fingers all the time, i try to capture every minute the feeling in it. slipping through my fingers all the time, do i really see what’s in her mind? each time i think i’m close to knowing she keeps on growing... what happened to the wonderful adventures? the places i had planned for us to go?” 

Okay, onto Sabrina’s relationship with the twins. She’s always taken a more motherly role with them and she feels like she blinked and they’ve both slipped right through her fingers. Not only does she not feel needed anymore, but she sort of feels like she has no place in their lives because they don’t need her. And while the two of them standing on their own feet is what she’s always wanted for them, she doesn’t really know who she is without taking care of them. 

Nothing New - Taylor Swift (feat. Phoebe Bridgers) “i know someday i’m gonna meet her, it’s a fever dream. the kind of radiance you only have at 17 20. she’ll know the way and then she’ll say she got the map from me. i’ll say i’m happy for her, then i’ll cry myself to sleep...i wonder if they’ll miss me once they drive me out.” 

Sabrina has sort of always felt like an outsider when it came to the twins, like they had a secret club she wasn’t allowed into. Part of it had to do with Glenda favoring her and the other part was the whole twin thing. She’s always had this fear that once she gave them everything they needed, they’d leave her behind and now she feels like it’s coming true. 

House in the Trees - Andrew McMahon in the Wilderness “when i dream it seems i’m chasing a bittersweet, bittersweet, bittersweet memory. when the last of your friends are gone, you learn a lot about hanging on and on. but if you crash and nobody sees just remember there will always be a room for you in my house in the trees. 

No matter what happens between them, Sabrina will always make room for Libby and Savannah in her life. She loves them like they’re her own, and there’s nothing they could do that could make her love them any less. Hell, she thought Libby was maybe a murderer and she was willing to help her cover it up! 

In conclusion, I love the Logan sisters with all my heart.

@runvway @libbylogan

[romxnticss]

Mackenzie and Casey (The Mini Playlist) @caseyfm​

Kids are Born Stars - Lauv “girl just kiss me, before you miss me. say someday i’m gonna be a really big star. taste the moment before it’s time before you go and break my heart. you should know i’ma be a really big star. i knew that i’d be a really, really, really big star.” 

This song just gives me soooo many Mac and Casey vibes. Like the two of them getting rejected and making themselves feel better by being like “they’re gonna regret it when we’re super famous!”. 

Basket Case - Green Day “do you have the time to listen to whine? about nothing and everything all at once? i am one of those melodramatic fools, neurotic to the bone no doubt about it. sometimes i give myself the creeps, sometimes my mind plays tricks on me. it all keeps adding up, i think i’m cracking up. am i just paranoid or am i stoned?” 

Casey is probably the person Mac feels the most comfortable sharing his deepest darkest weirdest feelings with. He’s never felt judged by his bandmate turned bestie, and he knows that Casey will have his back through it all- even if he sounds totally fucking insane. 

Real Estate - Adam Melchor “i still have no windows in my room or my halls, i was hoping i could look through yours. every time i wonder how i’d carry on without you. i’m running out of real estate, trying to make all the right moves. i don’t wanna hesitate i would bet the house on you.” 

Mac has found himself leaning on Casey more and more lately. They might have started out as just bandmates, but he’s never been happier for something to have blossomed into a full-blown bromance friendship. Mackenzie literally would bet the house on Casey, whatever the circumstances, because he has full faith that he’ll get through whatever it is. 

[alicealder-arc]

mini-playlist task !

no graphics bc im too sexy! and i didn’t proofread this bc we die like men! (and also bc im so sleepy) ft. @zahrajackson @ofwannabees @caseyfm​

ALICE + ZAHRA

“Disarm” by The Smashing Pumpkins

“I used to be a little boy / So old in my shoes / And what I choose is my choice / What’s a boy supposed to do? / The killer in me is the killer in you / Send this smile over to you.”

August 21st, 2021!May had this to say when referencing that quote and it remains true... only July 27th, 2022!May knows more now... but for some #nostalgia, and to make sure I don’t repeat myself, let’s copy paste!:

I’m really excited about Alice and The Bitch, mainly because they’ve known each other for so long, I think they have more in common than Alice consciously realizes. They were both so impacted by Lux but, even more so, probably by each other! Just because Alice had some romance going on with Lux doesn’t mean her relationship with The Bitch was any less important (just not as covered due to the plot revolving around Lux). While The Bitch may have hints of Choleric where Alice has hints of Melancholic (I’m not sure if The Bitch’s mun added Sanguine in there, but I’m just forcing it under the umbrella right now since it seems they were both extraverted LOL), thus forcing differences in there, I think since they were in each other's' lives for so long, part of the reason Alice also pushed The Bitch away -- even though she was actually trying to stay in -- was because she saw shades of herself. For all of their differences, that was all she needed.

“Lapse” by Envy On The Coast

“I know you know how it feels to make a clean break / My bones are you bones / My home is your home / You must be so confused / Got scared and ran away from you / Oh sweet divine predicament / I can’t hide, I can’t change the evident / Predispose to trust a photograph / To portray the way you used to laugh.”

Okay. 2022!May needs to write now.

So I want to go over the trouble with loving and leaving more with the next song, but I think this is good as, like... a transition. A good song to showcase the transition from where they were as children -- before they were Gone Girl assigned cool girls with Lux, before Zahra took on her hard personality, before Alice fell from grace. Alice and Zahra were with each other throughout so many of their hardships and traumas, watching as they could only use pictures to reference previously instilled happiness. But with everything up in the air, all it took to snap was one hardship the other wasn’t around for. That, and a big change. Running away. (Another reason I chose this song? It has some of the reasoning behind Alice’s distancing -- I mean, it’s literally called ‘lapse’! But that was just a minute and convenient detail.)

“Mr. Blue” by Catherine Feeny

“Mr. Blue / I told you that I love you / Please believe me. / ... / I know that you’re tired / I know that you’re sore and sick and sad for some reason / So I’ll leave you with a smile / Kiss you on the cheek / And you will call it treason.”

HERE IS THE FACT OF THE MATTER: Alice doesn’t know how to let go of Zahra. All those years together, where does all the love go? It doesn’t disappear -- it’s that old adage: the absence of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference. And she can’t bring herself to become indifferent. She would rather keep up the fight with Zahra than lose her entirely. And there have been so many breakthroughs, awful moments that proved the love was still there on Zahra’s end, too. But everything reverts: they love, they leave, they ‘hate.’ What’s the point of showing so much care? What’s the point of keeping up the hateful charade? Will loneliness ever trump ego and pride the way it’s meant to? How long can they go on, pretending not to care at best?

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ALICE + KITTY

“Love, Hate, Love” by Alice In Chains

“I want to peel the skin from your face / Before the real you lays to waste.”

August 21st, 2021!May had this to say when referencing that quote and it remains true... only July 27th, 2022!May knows more now... but for some #nostalgia, and to make sure I don’t repeat myself, let’s copy paste! (ALSO THIS IS ONLY FOR THAT SPECIFIC LYRIC NOTHING ELSE IN THE SONG FITS VERY WELL):

I really like this one because I think it fits the vibe just… perfectly. Looking at the surface, it’s so violent (like… bro! yikes!), and it’s been established that their relationship is incredibly volatile. But then the deeper meaning actually basically being ‘I know who you really are, I want everyone to see who you really are’? Like, Alice knows that there’s some kind of weakness about The Wannabe. That is her label for a reason. And she knows because she used to be Lux’s little pet too! Granted, not to the same degree, but… Anyway, it does make the fact that she doesn’t know The Wannabe (and The Thespian) are actually the ones who sent the message kind of funny, though.

(omg tbt to the thespian............)

“Come On Then” by Lily Allen

“I try to keep an open mind / I feel like I’m under attack all of the time / I’m compromised / My head can’t always hold itself so high.”

Ok. Take it away 2022!May!

I don’t have... the mental energy... to explicate a pretty on-the-nose lyric here... and this is ‘due’ tomorrow and besties if I started this all just to not finish it!!! :carl_gun:!!! But... you know.... the girlies are FIGHTING. One day. When we thread together. Absolutely hilarious that she’s in Mac and Alice’s apartment all the time. Imagine there is a lot of ‘do it (be cordial) for Mac’ going on.

“Stars” by Janis Ian (as covered by Nina Simone)

“Some people make it when they’re young / Before the world has done its dirty job / And later on someone will say: / ‘You’ve had your day / Now you must make way.’ / Don’t they always?”

“Cool, smart girl and Lux’s friend, Alice Alder, gets duped by Lux Lewis this month, raising the question: does anyone care about Alice Alder anymore? After all, she was duped by Lux. Here to answer that question, sexy cool new girl Luxkin: Kitty Maddox. Kitty, what’s your take?”  “I loved Alice Alder, I grew up watching her with Lux, okay?, and she’s, like, a legend -- but now she is erratic and addled and gross and nobody want her no more, okay, they want Kitty Maddox, BABYYYYY.”  “Haha, you’re delightful. So, where does Alice Alder go from here?”  “Oh, you know where she should go? She should go wherever has-beens go when they’re done being popular and nobody cares if they live or die.”

^ Okay, that started off as a total joke, then got so long that it just... turned into the explication itself, with perhaps a few caveats regarding how Kitty viewed Alice previously. But how did a joke so perfectly encapsulate the set of lyrics... one of life’s greatest wonders...

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ALICE + CASEY

“Sea of Dreams” by Oberhofer

“I’ll take your word like a good friend should / If the Earth should dry / May your dreams never die.”

Plot-twist! Going for Casey, someone Alice’s skelly doesn’t have a connection with?! Someone who didn’t have a quote in my 2021 application?! Besties, I’m convinced that Casey is the person Alice turns to the most. Like... kinda fucked up that I consider that her truest friendship (Zev, you’re a contender), but everyone else? The communication skills are just not there. Literally, my brain hatched an idea and I needed to think of a character Alice would actually go to and trust with it and I was like “.......damn I think Casey would be the only move.” (Ella, more on that idea when I work out a few kinks.) So basically! My favorite song about friendship <3

Find it hilarious that this would further complicate Alice’s relationship with Zahra, though.

“Trigger Bang” by Lily Allen (ft. Giggs)

“When I was young / I was blameless / Playing with rude boys and trainers / I had a foot in the rave / ‘Cause I was attracted to danger / I never got home for Neighbours, hey.”

Aha, but it’s also built on the back of things the kids in Skins do (I did not know the actors were literal teenagers, mostly minors, until today and I’m still reeling over that one scene Effy had in the first season, now realizing Kaya Scodelario was only 14 and---------)! By which I mean - school projects! Making sure Casey passes his tests! ...Then meeting each other in an alleyway - one the dealer, one the buyer. That said, if you listen to the full song, you come to see that the absolute opposite of blame is being placed on the other party -- so, the absolute opposite of blame would be placed on Casey. Everything is free-will, isn’t it? Just along for the ride!

“Escapism” by Rebecca Sugar

“I guess I’ll have to face / That in this awful place I shouldn’t show a trace of doubt / But pulled against the grain / I feel a little pain that I would rather do without / I’d rather be free.”

I think Alice always feels constrained in one way or another. I mean, choosing Casey to fill this final slot wasn’t just because I apparently don’t listen to enough music about interpersonal relationships (...though that did factor in...). Going through everyone else in the Gang, going through the other skeletons, going through the other townies -- as I implied in my first blurb, I feel like there’s only one person Alice actually feels a semblance of freedom around. A semblance of self. Casey is a genuine friend, someone who doesn’t seem to have a judgmental bone in his body, and that’s something that Alice has always needed -- but has seldom had -- in her life.

[roryjackson-archived]

task: 1978 playlist || ellie jackson

“Dancing Queen” - ABBA (1976) “Sweet Home Alabama” - Lynyrd Skynyrd (1974) “More Than A Feeling” - Boston (1976) “If It Wasn’t For The Nights” - ABBA (1979) “Fun Fun Fun” - The Beach Boys (1964) “Fooled Around And Fell In Love” - Elvin Bishop (1975) “Landslide” - Fleetwood Mac (1975) “This Will Be (An Everlasting Love)” - Natalie Cole (1975) “SOS” - ABBA (1975) “Life In the Fast Lane” - Eagles (1976) “Somebody to Love” - Queen (1976) “I’ve Been Waiting For You” - ABBA (1975)