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[firstofficerwiggles]

Dress Code, Part 2

Link to Part 1, Part 3 (T rated), Part 3 (M rated)

Pairing: Din Djarin x female reader

Rating: T

Warnings: Some swearing, Jealous!Din, sexy dancing, touching

Summary: You continue to challenge Din about what you choose to wear. Pretty fluffy overall. Plans for a Part 3.

Word Count: ~4200

Author’s Note: I am not good at making up planet names so I will admit to totally stealing these. Eridani is the name of a real star and Alastria and Chantil are both from Star Trek. Also again a little hint of Ed Sheeran in the dancing scene.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Are you serious? More snow?” Your voice is incredulous as you fly over the frosted winter landscape of the planet Alastria. It’s been two weeks since you won your wager against the Mandalorian and you haven’t had any opportunity to wear anything that he could consider even remotely revealing. First he took you to Hoth, and although you and the child had a great time playing in the snow, you spent the whole time covered in sweaters and a giant parka. You had laughed it off though, enjoying his cleverness at finding a way to circumvent your win. But then, he had dragged you to Eridani and Chantil each one colder than the next. Plus to add to his diabolical plan, he has purposely been keeping the Razor Crest’s internal temperature low in order to ‘save on fuel’ so you can’t even wear your lighter clothes on board. You’ve been so covered up you might as well be wearing your own suit of beskar.

You suppose it hasn’t been all that bad though, you begrudgingly admit to yourself. The three of you have been spending more time together as you’ve been traveling. Lately it seems like Din always finds a way to be around you and the child. In the past he’s preferred his pilot’s seat while flying even with the autopilot engaged, but now he seems to find little projects to do wherever you are. Like the evening you were cuddled up with the baby telling him various fairy tales and Din had sat near you both spending the whole time cleaning the same blaster. Or when you were baking cookies, and he had decided to reorganize some supplies that happened to be right next to where you were working. Finally, the other day he had even thrown off the pretense of being busy and joined in and helped you and the child build a blanket fort in the hull. As the baby napped on a pile of pillows inside the fort, Din had stayed with you in there, just resting for once while you both had the chance.

With all of this closeness, you had hoped there might be some movement on the romantic front between the two of you, but there hasn’t been anything definitive in that area. You must have replayed him calling you ‘sweetheart’ a million times in your head, but he hasn’t said anything like that again. You’ve tried to show him how interested you are, wearing your necklace everyday so he can see it, smiling at him as much as possible, teasing him, and going so far as to touch him with little brushes of your hand, a pat on the shoulder, or even a squeeze of his arm whenever you get the opportunity. He seems receptive enough to your flirting, yet he’s given you so little response you wonder if he’s realized what you’re trying to do.

The Mandalorian’s voice brings you out of your musing, “I thought we could visit my old mentor, Davi. His town might be in the mountains, but it’s nice, I think you’ll like it, despite the cold.” He smirks a little under his helmet. He knows he should probably feel a bit guilty at the tour of icy worlds he’s been giving you, but honestly, he’s been enjoying getting under your skin each time you land on another freezing planet and he hears you sigh over having to bundle up again. He should probably admit to himself that he does miss seeing your dresses, but you look cute even under all those layers. Plus he was right, your necklace looks good with all of those sweaters and heavy knits you’ve been forced to wear.

“Who is Davi?” you ask, curious to know more about Din’s past.

“He sponsored me when I first joined the guild. I was his apprentice for two years before I starting hunting my own bounties.” Din tells you. “He’s retired now, and he lives with his niece, Isa. I think you’ll like them both.”

Even with the snow and ice, you can see that Davi and Isa’s town is charming, and you enjoy the quaint buildings with their pretty trim. It reminds you of the gingerbread houses you used to make as a child in the winter. The majestic mountains make for a stunning backdrop too and you are glad that Din brought you here. He notices the happy light in your eyes as he says, “I knew you’d like it here,” rather smugly.

“Yes, yes, you know everything,” you reply, rolling your eyes only slightly at him.

You arrive at a brightly lit home that oozes warmth and coziness from its frosty windows, and when Davi throws open the door, you receive a cordial welcome that makes you feel like he is your old friend too. Davi is thrilled to see Din and even more delighted to meet you and the baby. Even though Din has introduced you as his friend, Davi teases the Mandalorian about finally meeting his lovely family. Davi’s niece, Isa is also quite pleased to meet you and she even hugs you in greeting. She’s a pretty young woman in her early 20s with bright eyes and a cheerful smile.

“I’m so glad you’re here,” she tells you excitedly, “I thought I was in for another ‘guy’s visit’ having to hear all of their old hunting tales again.”

“Oh come on, Isa, you love that story about the crazy Gungan we had to chase through the swamp,” Davi reminds her with a laugh.

“Sure, maybe the first 100 times I heard it,” Isa retorts. “I’m looking forward to some quality girl time instead.”

“That sounds great,” you tell her. You have been living in a heavily testosterone-laden climate and it has been forever since you’ve had the opportunity to hang out with another woman and just do ‘girl’ things. “What did you have in mind?”

“I’d love to go shopping and maybe get our hair styled too?” She suggests, “There’s this great party tonight and I wanna look fabulous!”

“Count me in!” you reply enthusiastically. You look over at Din for a moment though, hoping he’s not going to insist that he needs to accompany you shopping like he usually does. But he’s obviously comfortable here and he just gives you a small nod. “Let’s go now.”

Isa notices your exchange with interest, but doesn’t say anything, yet. She can’t wait to get you alone though and grill you all about your relationship with the mysterious warrior. You head back out into the snowy streets with Isa chatting excitedly about the shops and the fantastic salon that she’ll be taking you to. You arrive at a store with many party dresses, they’re beautiful but most of them are a bit risqué too. You’re just starting to look when Isa interrupts you with “Ok, spill, I want to hear all about you and Mando.”

“There’s not much to tell, I’m the nanny to his foundling.” You try to tell her, but your cheeks flush and she knows there’s more.

“Oh c’mon, I can tell you’re not ‘just-the-nanny’,” she laughs lightly. “He’s never ever brought a woman to meet Davi before.”

“Well, a few weeks ago I thought there was more starting to happen between the two of us,” you say and then tell her about the necklace and your silly wager. “I really thought that was leading to something…” you trail off and shrug, “but I guess not?”

“What?!? There is definitely something happening,” Isa asserts. “That was super romantic of him to buy you that necklace, and he clearly gets jealous of other men paying attention to you. He likes you.” She says it like it’s a fact. “You like him, don’t you?”

“Maker, I do, so much, probably too much,” you admit to Isa. “He’s the best man I’ve ever known. I know he seems rough and dangerous, and he can be, but he is also very kind, respectful, and considerate. You should see how gentle and soft he can be with the child. I don’t even care that I’ve never seen his face.”

“Your whole face lights up when you talk about him,” Isa is beaming at you. “I think you need to tell him how much you care.”

“But if he doesn’t feel the same way, it will just make everything awkward and weird.” You want to believe Isa, that Mando reciprocates your feelings, but the alternative scares you too much.

“He feels the same way.” She is confident about that. “But, maybe you could just give him a little push, feel him out more,” she says, raising an eyebrow at you.

“What are you suggesting?”

“Let’s find you a killer dress and make sure he takes you to this party tonight.” Isa turns back to the dresses pulling out several that are very sexy. “It’s in the hot springs caverns and it’s warm and steamy in there all the time,” Isa explains.

“Wait, so no bundling up?” you ask hopefully.

“Just for the walk there, but once we’re inside you’ll be plenty warm. So, we’re going find you something that shows plenty of skin,” Isa declares.

Gathering a pile of garments, Isa pulls you to the dressing rooms and then you both try on several looks that range from seductive to downright lascivious. She is partial to an electric blue dress that is tight on her figure and has several cutouts exposing various sections of her skin. The dress you find is surprise, surprise, silver, in a halter style. The bodice is tight fitting with a deep vee that ends just at the top of your stomach before flaring out into a flirty mini skirt looking like molten metal is pouring off of your hips. Your back is almost totally bare save for two delicate straps that cross over one another to hold the bodice in place. It is a lot more skin than you normally show, but you have to admit you look great. Light winks off of your necklace and you smile to yourself thinking about how your Mandalorian might react to seeing you like this.

“That’s the one!” Isa announces handing you a pair of strappy stilettos to try on with the dress. They are the perfect final touch. The rest of your time with Isa passes quickly in a happy haze of hair styling and gossip. She tells you about her friends and the guy she wants to impress. You’re really looking forward to tonight, but you’re worried, “How are we going to convince Mando to go to this party?” you wonder to Isa, “It’s not really his thing.”

“Leave everything to me.” Isa sounds like she is up for the challenge.

You and Isa return to her home giggling cheerfully about your big plans for the evening. Din loves seeing you so happy, his only regret is that you can’t have more days like this one. He had a long talk with Davi about all that has happened since he first found the child and the dangerous path it has thrust all three of you on. Fortunately for Din, his old mentor is more tactful than his niece merely providing a friendly ear as Din lists all of his concerns for your life with him. Davi can tell that Din cares for you more than he is admitting, but he doesn’t push the point. Instead, he calmly suggests that you appear to be able to meet the trials of living with a bounty hunter, otherwise you probably would have left by now. Din nodded in agreement to that, making Davi smile knowingly to himself.

As you sit down to dinner with everyone, Isa chats animatedly about your fun day together and suggests that you prolong your visit by a few days. Din, who ate his own meal in private beforehand, seems amenable to the idea, this town is fairly remote and only Greef Karga remembers Mando’s connection to Davi. As Isa talks, she manages to casually bring up the party to her uncle. Din is only half-listening as he is focused on the baby actually eating his food and not playing with it, until Isa says, “And you don’t have to worry about our safety, Uncle, because Mando will be there to watch over us!”

“Wait, what are you saying?” Din’s head snaps up.

“I think it’s a great idea!” Davi replies, delighted, “The ladies are all excited for you to take them to that party in the caverns tonight.”

“A party?” Din sounds like you are going to drag him to a deadly ambush. Except he feels more confident that he can handle the deadly ambush.

“Oh come on, you’re still a young man, you’ll have a wonderful time with these beautiful women. And I can take care of the little one,” Davi urges him, “after all he loves his Uncle Davi.” Davi tickles the child under the chin and receives a joyful coo in return.

“Please, Mando,” you give him your most hopeful look, “I promise we’ll have fun.”

Din sighs, but he knows he can’t say no when you’re looking at him like that, he’s not made of stone. “Alright.”

“Great! We’ll go get dressed!” Isa springs into action pulling you with her. You both manage to get ready in record time knowing that you don’t want to give Din any opportunity to back out on your plans. Before you leave her room though, both you and Isa make sure your cloaks are completely covering your outfits for the night. You caution Isa that if Din has even one inkling of what you have on, you won’t be going anywhere. You are thankful your cloak is so long that only the toes of your shoes peek out.

Isa leads you out of town towards the caverns and you see other young people heading in your direction. She discreetly stays ahead of you and Din the whole time under the guise of being the leader but mostly so you two are walking side by side. The new shoes are higher than anything you’ve worn for a while so you lean in and take Din’s arm. He seems to take this as perfectly natural and helps steady you on your feet. When you arrive at the caverns, balmy air hits you and you breathe it in welcoming the warmth. Isa ushers you in and leads you to a place where you can leave your cloaks. You can’t resist being a bit dramatic now that your big moment is here and you let your cloak drop from your shoulders in one fluid motion before handing it over. Then you do a small twirl to let the Mandalorian get a good look at you.

Din’s mouth goes completely dry and he feels like his heart skips several beats as he takes you in. He is thankful that his helmet hides his expression because there is no way he could hide the raw desire he is feeling right now. You look more gorgeous than he could have imagined. The silvery dress makes your curves sparkle alluringly and all he can think about is running his hands all over the silky looking material and then moving on to all of your soft exposed skin. Plus the color of the dress perfectly matches his armor, making it look like you belong with him. He feels as if all of the blood in his body is rushing to one sensitive spot and it’s making him slightly lightheaded. You are smiling at him expectantly, but he has forgotten how to speak. He has to clear his throat twice before he can ground out, “What is that?”

Ok, that wasn’t what you expected him to say. “It’s my new dress,” you retort, a little exasperated.

“That is not a dress. That is pieces of fabric pretending to be a dress.” He sounds frustrated and like he is trying to control himself.

“Hey, you remember our deal, you can’t say anything critical about my clothing.” You give him a pointed look.

“You look like walking sex.” He hisses at you.

“Well, I am going to take that as a compliment.” You flip your hair over your shoulder and huff off in the direction of Isa and a group of friends she has found. If Mando wants to be a fuddy-duddy all night, you’re going to let him. Isa is fun and you’re sure her friends will be too. You put your smile back on and square your shoulders in determination as you stride over towards them.

The caverns have been lit with several colorful lights which bounce off of the icy walls and the pools of hot steaming water. There’s a band playing music with a strong beat, a lively dance floor, and several servers circulating with fancy drinks. Isa cheerfully introduces you to her friends, one of whom is a handsome man with golden brown hair and a charming smile, named Guy. He seems to be a bit of a scoundrel, but when he voices how beautiful you are, you can’t help but be flattered. He’s telling you about his job as a pilot for a transport ship, trying to impress you with tales about near misses with ex-Imperials, when he notices the Mandalorian who is not-so-subtly invading your personal space.

Din had watched you walk away, a bit mesmerized by your swinging hips. Of course, by the time he gets his feet moving in your direction, some asshole is already flirting with you. He sees the man flash you a toothy smile and he even has the audacity to lean in and pick up your necklace, Din’s necklace, under the guise of admiring it, all the while staring blatantly at your breasts. Din hears his pulse roaring in his ears as he comes to loom over you and glare at this jerk.

“Hi, Mando,” you say a little sarcasm in your voice at the greeting, “meet Isa’s friend, Guy.”

“Guy?” Mando drawls out incredulously.

“Hey man, nice to meet you,” Guy is affable. “Didn’t catch your name?”

Mando just stares at him and then says, “Seriously, your name is Guy?”

“Guy was just telling me about making the Kuiper run in under 20 parsecs,” you break into the frosty exchange.

“Impossible,” is all Mando says drily.

“No, really,” Guy insists, “I managed to do it by skimming by a black hole.”

“It’s impossible,” Mando says again.

“Maybe you and Guy can trade piloting tips?” you say, adding a small chuckle to ease the tension.

“Not fucking interested.” Mando is being downright rude to him. You’ve never known him to act this way to someone who wasn’t a threat. Luckily, Isa comes to your rescue as she brings her friend Lisbeth over to meet Mando. He seems to come back to himself a bit and is polite as he greets Isa’s friend.

“Are you two together?” Guy questions you nodding his head in Din’s direction.

“Not like that,” you reply, “we’re just friends.” But you say it as if you don’t really believe it.

“You sure?” Guy smiles shrewdly at you.

“Well, he’s never said otherwise,” you conclude with a small shrug.

“In that case, how would you like to dance with me?” Guy holds out his hand to you and gives you a wink. You can’t help but glance back at Mando for a moment, but then turn your gaze back to Guy and say yes. You don’t imagine that Din will ask you to dance anyway as he seems determined to be a grump tonight, plus you’re pretty certain he doesn’t know how to dance.

Guy leads you to the crowded floor and you begin moving to the beat of the heart-pumping music. At first you’re just dancing next to Guy but then he starts closing the distance between you two and eventually puts his hands on your hips. He pulls you in a little closer to him but then suddenly he’s gone, being shoved away roughly by a beskar-clad arm.

“If you’re going to dance, you’re going to dance with me.” Mando tells you possessively. His hands replacing Guy’s on your hips, pulling you in close to him.

“Mando!” you squeak out in surprise at his abrupt appearance. “Is he ok?” You turn your head to look for Guy, embarrassed that Din has so rudely dismissed him.

“I don’t give a damn,” Din tells you as he reaches up and turns your chin so that you are looking back at him. Ironically, the lead singer of the band is belting out a warning to a woman not to fuck with his love. You face flushes as you look into the black visor of the helmet.

“I- I didn’t think you’d want to dance,” you stammer out, stunned by his actions.

“You didn’t give me a chance to ask you,” he replies and he begins to direct your hips to sway with his to the music. You move with him in a sultry pattern. You were wrong, Din does know how to dance. You move your arms up to encircle his neck as you let yourself relax into the movements, your bodies syncing together with the beat.

As the music changes a bit, he turns you in his arms and pulls you against him until you are flush with his body. You lean into his chest feeling the cool metal of his cuirass against your bare back and he dips his head down to your ear, and says “I like dancing with you.” His voice seems huskier than normal.

“I do too,” you tell him in reply. You’re feeling bolder now and you roll your hips over his and brush against something hard that is definitely not beskar. He groans deeply and then turns you around again so he can look in your eyes as he asks, “Do you have any idea what you do to me?”

“I think I have some idea,” you say flirtatiously and give him a wink. He pulls you back into him with a growl and guides your body into a move so sensual it makes your head spin. His hands are on your bare back now and even though it’s only the leather of his gloves that touch you, the heat coming off of them is undeniable. You can’t resist telling him, “Your hands feel good on me.” He doesn’t say anything in reply but merely tightens his grip on you and then lets his hands explore more of your back.

You lose track of time as you focus only on the Mandalorian and the way you move together. You’ve both become quieter the more you dance as if you no longer can handle verbally teasing each other and just want to feel. Each song blends into the next, and it’s like you are the only two people in the room. A sonic charge could go off and you wouldn’t even notice. When the lights flicker to signal the end of the party, you’re surprised. It takes you a moment to come back to reality, you feel like you’ve just awoken from the middle of an intoxicating dream and your head is a little dizzy. Fortunately, Din seems more in control, and he guides you towards Isa and the exit. Isa! You completely forgot about her. When you reach her, she gives you a sneaky smile and hands you your cloak. As you take it from her, she leans in and whispers, “I told you so.” Din takes the cloak from your hands and places it around your shoulders covering you back up against the cold. Then he takes your hand in his and threads his fingers through yours as he leads you back out into the dark night. All three of you are quiet as you walk back to Isa’s home. When you arrive, Din tells Isa, “We won’t come in, we’ll just let the child sleep here and come back in the morning.”

“Not too early,” Isa says rather cheekily, “I’m sure you’ll need your rest.”

As you head back to the ship with Din, your stomach flips at the idea of being alone with him all night. You shiver a little in anticipation.

“Are you cold?” he asks, noticing the shiver.

“Only a little,” you tell him, not wanting to give away the real reason.

“Maybe you should be wearing more clothing,” Din says, but there is a teasing tone to his voice now.

You reach the ship and head inside. It’s a little chilly in there but not as bad as you thought it might be. You whisk your cloak off of you again, headless of the cold, wanting Din to see you in the dress again.

“I’ll make you a new deal,” he says, his helmet moving up and down as if he is looking you over. “I’ll take you to some warmer planets and I won’t complain about your clothing, but only if you promise to never wear that dress in public again.”

The dress has served its purpose, better than you could have anticipated. “Alright, it’s a deal,” you tell him with a smile.

“Although,” Din drawls out, “if you want to wear it again when we’re alone together, I’d like that.”

--------------------------------------------------------

Thank you for reading! I promise there will be a Part 3 (if I can, I’ll do one T rated and one M rated). Please let me know if you’d like to be added to the tag list.

@sleepwithacommunist @im-the-nerdiest-of-them-a11 @rueblogsthings @mackycat11 @tv-zepeda @remmyswritings @dee-rosemary @boomtownboy @mandosboobiez @hoodjarin @haley7242

[lovepetals]

wow!! this one actually let me have my highlights!! for the most part anyway... 

[id: it’s another one of those cute image makers! i’ve made myself again! the little doll is wearing a petal pink high-neck, sleeveless shirt with a heart cutout on the chest as well as a tan sweater that is falling off the shoulders. it’s set on a pale blue background with fluffy white clouds! there is also a heart graphic. each hand is pressed together with a happy expression! end id.]

[naiatabris]

WIP snippet

Is WIP Saturday a thing? Probably not. But I’ve got the house to myself and I’m working on “Charity Case,” so snippets ahead!

Background: Alistair and Naia are co-workers at a community rec center, where they run a teen program. Sera, Soris, and Shianni are teens in this AU. Alistair is trying to avoid having his picture taken by a certain charity representative. Hilarity ensues.

“This is your plan?” Naia asked, staring at the cardboard cutout Alistair was holding.

“It’s perfect!” Alistair beamed. “With Soris sick, we need someone to stand in for The Grand Oak. I can spend rehearsal behind this chunk of cardboard. Photo op avoided.” To emphasize his point, Alistair held up the tree cutout. He was too tall for it, of course, but he was willing to have his feet photographed if it meant he could hide his face.

“Do you know the Grand Oak’s lines?” his friend asked skeptically.

Alistair flipped the cutout and pointed to a series of carefully cut-and-pasted lines from the script decorating its back. “Soris has me covered.”

Naia winced. “He knows the lines backwards and forwards! He’s such a worrywart, poor kid.” But she didn’t object further to Alistair’s plan, which he decided to take as a sign that she understood its brilliance.

As usual, rehearsal was a bit painful. There were fewer forgotten lines than at the last rehearsal, which was good, but their male lead couldn’t project above a dim mumble. Meanwhile Sera, playing The Warden, was chewing the scenery with glee, throwing dramatic emotion into every line, including “Look, what is that?” and “What’s that I hear?”

Alistair smiled behind his cardboard hiding place. Sera might grumble about the play, but he suspected that in her heart of hearts she was having a lot of fun.

They were taking the scene from the top when the back door to the auditorium opened. Alistair pointedly turned his face towards the kids, giving them an encouraging thumbs up whenever they remembered a particularly tricky line. From the front row, Naia followed along in the script, ready to supply the prompt if needed.

But then curiosity got the best of him and he turned his head to look through the Grand Oak’s eye holes. Wynne was there, standing next to a woman holding a camera.

“We cannot hope to defeat the werewolves if that barrier remains!” Sera flung her arms to the sky. “Andraste, Bride of the Maker, reveal to us the way forward!”

The newcomer lowered her camera, smiling at Sera’s delivery--and suddenly Alistair found himself staring.

We definitely haven’t met before.

I would remember her.

Elizabeth Cousland had golden-brown skin and dark, wavy hair, which she wore loose over her shoulders. Her face was heart-shaped and her warm smile was framed with curving pink lips. Her large, dark eyes were crinkling at the sides in genuine amusement. The white sweater she wore clung to a very appealing set of curves--that Alistair was definitely not noticing right now.

No, he was absolutely not noticing the curves of the woman funding their entire program. That would be creepy and inappropriate.

Suddenly he realized that the stage was silent. My line.

Frantically, he scanned down the cut-and-pasted scraps at the back of the costume. Oh, Maker, which one is it? Who said what last?

“Oi! It’s you, dummy!” Sera hissed as he searched.

And then, to make sure he got the point, she kicked him in the shin.

“Ow!” Alistair yelped, more startled than hurt. Instinctively, he leapt away from Sera, trying to get out of the range of any more reminders. But as he leapt, one knee bashed against the cutout he was holding, and his feet got tangled against one another, and before he quite knew what was happening, he was falling over.

It felt as if it happened in slow motion. He tried to catch himself and get his feet back underneath him, but all he managed was taking several long, awkward steps as he fell further and further off balance. He barely managed to twist himself around to avoid landing on the Grand Oak before his back hit the stage with a jarring thump that knocked the breath from his lungs. The cardboard cutout landed on top of him half a second later.

“Alistair!” Naia yelped from the audience.

Alistair clenched his eyes closed and counted to ten. Any chance I’ll wake up and find out this is a nightmare?

“I’m fine,” he groaned after a moment. “It’s just my dignity. Nothing to worry about.”

“Is the Grand Oak costume OK?” Shianni, the propmaster, had run out from backstage and was glaring down at him accusingly. “That took me hours.”

“The Oak survives to recite another rhyme,” Alistair assured her, holding the cutout up.

Then Sera’s blonde head popped into his field of vision. “Are you gonna say your lines now or what?”

[recentnews18-blog]

New Post has been published on https://shovelnews.com/29-funniest-novelty-gifts-this-year/

29 funniest novelty gifts this year

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Nov. 21, 2018 / 6:59 PM GMT/ Source: TODAY

By Aline Peres Martins

Some people are hard to shop for. Some people have very specific tastes. And others simply prefer their gifts on the, um, humorous side. This novelty gift guide is for all those people.

From the only “Harry Potter” gift a Potterhead needs to the one gift to get people who are perpetually late (we all have that friend), this list has all the funny, witty and unique gifts we could think of.

The internet is a vast place, with many, many weird and wonderful gift ideas. So, while this guide is a great place to start, if you’re looking for something maybe a little less eccentric, browse through our sortable gift guides or our brand new gift finding tool too.

Happy gifting, everyone!

When we release our 2018 gift guides, we make sure all prices are current. But, prices change frequently (yay, deals!), so there’s a chance the prices are now different than they were the day of publication.

Funny Gifts

For the champion of sarcasm

1. I Love Shoplifting Tote, $28, Human

TODAY editors, writers and experts take care to recommend items we really like and hope you’ll enjoy! Just so you know, TODAY does have affiliate relationships. So, while every product is independently selected, if you buy something through our links, we may get a small share of the revenue.

Not only should the person you get this for have a sarcastic sense of humor, they should also not mind getting stared (and maybe glared) at from time to time. This hilarious take on a tote bag is bound to get some laughs from any shopping-obsessed loved ones who don’t take themselves too seriously.

For the witty green thumb

2. The Golden Girls Chia Pet: Sophia, $20, Amazon

Everyone knows a Sophia. Her feisty, quick wit has withstood the test of time. Any true “Golden Girls” fan can recall a savage zinger or two from the matriarch of the clan … which Dorothy did not appreciate as much as we did.

If chia pets seem like a step in the right direction for the novelty gift you need, but “Golden Girls�� isn’t exactly what you’re looking for, we found a few more great options:

Bob Ross, painter extraordinaire and the original ASMR king

Donald Trump, 45th President of the United States

Laughing Emoji, the indisputable queen of emojis

There’s apparently a chia pet for everyone!

For the one who is never on time

3. Whatever I’m Late Wall Clock, $16, Amazon

We all have a friend or family member who shows up an hour late to everything. In my friend group, that’s me. If your always-tardy friend happens to have a sense of humor, get this clock.

For the “cool” bookworm

4. I Put The Lit In Literature Mug, $14, Amazon

Your favorite bookworm probably already owns most of the books they plan on reading, or they just use a Kindle. Instead, get them the best mug ever to drink a tea or coffee by the fire as they curl up with their next epic novel.

For the influencer

5. “Read This If You Want To Be Instagram Famous” by Henry Carroll, $11, Amazon

Is it just me, or does it seem like every teenager nowadays wants to become an influencer? Though the title of this book is funny, it features some useful tips on how to build a personal brand for anyone looking to really become Instagram famous.

Gag Gifts

For the “Samantha” of your friend group

1. Grow a Boyfriend, $4 (usually $10), Amazon

Know someone who is tired of people asking, “So, when will you bring a boyfriend around for the holidays?” Get this. Some people, like Samantha from “Sex and the City” live the single life and have no problem with it. Samantha is known for saying, “I love you, but I love me more.” If your single friend can relate, they need this prop.

For the soccer mom

2. Big Head Cardboard Cutout, $20, Amazon

The perfect gift for parents who are completely obsessed with their little league stars, you can get a cardboard cutout of anyone’s face on Amazon. Putting one of these under the tree is guaranteed to draw out some laughs during holiday festivities.

For anyone who can’t live without Joe

My mom got my aunt these socks last Christmas because every morning, instead of making her own coffee, she asks if someone else is already on coffee duty. Sound familiar?

For the Star Warrior

4. “Star Wars” Waffle Maker, $40, Amazon

“Star Wars” fans probably already own the movies, light sabers and tons of fan gear. You know what they probably don’t have? A waffle maker.

Quirky Gifts

For the one who can’t seem to find their keys

I’m going to be completely honest with everyone reading this list: I am this person. I have locked myself out of my home on more than 10 occasions in my lifetime … and more than twice in the past month. While a welcome mat may seem like an unusual gift for most circumstances, this is the novelty gift I need to receive this year. Hey, Mom, are you reading this?

For the one who doesn’t actually appreciate novelty gifts

Always popular, these sentimental candles hit home for anyone who has transplanted from one state to another. This is an especially cute gift for folks from places like North Carolina, the land of the pines, or Vermont — known for maple syrup.

I’m from New Jersey, so I looked up what my state’s candle is meant to smell like. Surprisingly, it’s not highway congestion … it’s candy apples. I guess it’s true that we have lots of those, too.

For the entrepreneur

7. Ban.do I Am Very Busy Planner, $18, Amazon

There are people who always seem to be frazzled, running from one thing to the next. Some of them are actually busy and some of them just think they are. This planner works for both groups of people.

For the family man (or woman)

Say it with me: Most personalized mugs are tacky. These are not. Each little character reflects the personality of one family member with a slightly perplexed expression. The back of the mug has a little logo with the family’s last name. The mugs are unique, hip and cool. They’re like if the “world’s greatest dad” mugs got a facelift for 2018.

For “the city” dweller

Have you ever heard someone proudly proclaim they are from “the city” without specifying what city that actually is? They would love this.

For the brunch babe

10. Wake Me For Champagne Velvet Pillow, $50, Nordstrom

Some people abide by wine Wednesdays. Other people start their mornings with mimosas. Brunch, anyone?

For the “Rachel” of your group

11. “Friends” Central Perk Mug, $20, NBC Store

Help your favorite “Friends” fan embody their inner Rachel by serving coffee (to you) in one of these. Nothing says “I’ll be there for you,” like caffeine. Central Perk me up!

For the one who calls their dog their “child”

12. Customized Pet Pillow, $40, Etsy

Pet owners can never own enough homages to their little fur babies.

For the grown up Potterhead

13. Espresso Patronum Mug, $12, Amazon

Goodbye to faux wands, hello to punny mugs. For the uninitiated, “Expecto Patronum” is the spell Harry Potter uses to fight bad guys. “Espresso Patronum,” is the spell adult “Harry Potter” fans use to get through a work day.

Weird Gifts

For the long lost Kardashian

1. Kris Jenner 10% Unisex Sweatshirt, $22, Etsy

The Kardashians have become almost akin to American royalty, and pretty much everyone recognizes the last name. Needless to say, folks who have been following the family since 2007 are probably obsessed enough to wear a sweater featuring a caricature of Kris Jenner. I have not been following the Kardashians since 2007, and even I would wear it. Kris is a cultural icon.

For the millennial

Did you hear that millennials aren’t buying houses because they eat too much avocado toast? Whether or not that’s true, at least this avocado doubles as a heating pad.

For the Gaines’ of Thrones

3. “Game Of Thrones” Dragon Egg Candles, $25, Amazon

The subset of people who love both Joanna Gaines and “Game of Thrones” may be small … but those folks win my stamp of approval. Throners who also like to keep a well-decorated home need these candles.

For the Bey Hive

“I got hot sauce in my bag. Swag.” The iconic Beyonce line propelled hot sauce to a new level of pop culture appreciation. Now, any Beyonce fan can carry mini hot sauce on a keychain. So, they really will always have hot sauce in their bag. Swag.

Note: This also works for anyone who puts hot sauce on everything.

For the dog lover who is always cold

Know a dog lover who likes to keep their feet warm? These heated slippers look like adorable little corgis. Have you seen anything more perfect?

Unusual Gifts

For the one who’s always running on Dunkin’

1. Babycakes Mini Donut Maker, $14, Amazon

It’s cute, and it makes doughnuts. What more could anyone need?

For the vodka lover with a sweet tooth

2. Vodka Is Always A Good Idea Candy Bento Box, $28, Nordstrom

A nice bottle of vodka is always a good gift for the home bartender. But, a bento box full of vodka-infused candy is the perfect gift for those who believe in vodka-o-clock.

For the treasure hunter

The uncle who spends his weekends strolling down the beach looking for treasure, the teenager who is always asking Mom and Dad for money to go to the movies and the 6-year-old just starting a piggy bank to learn the basics of personal finance — they all have one thing in common. They could use this pocket metal detector.

For the pizza rat

Christmas pajamas are cute and all, but for pizza lovers, there’s nothing cuter than a comfy pair of joggers featuring cheesy goodness.

For the Christmas-loving cat person

5. Meowy Catmas Sweater, $18, Walmart

If you don’t know someone who is obsessed with their own cat, you probably know someone who is obsessed with cat memes or cat videos.

For the environmentalist “Office” fan

6. “The Office” Humans Are Terrible For the Environment Tote, $15, NBC Store

Dwight created a special place in most “The Office” fans’ hearts. This tote bag is perfect for wannabe Dunder Mifflin employees and environmentalists alike!

Finding the perfect present can be a challenge, but Shop TODAY’sup to the task. No matter who you’re looking for, we’ve got gift guides for everyone on your list, including:

To discover more deals, shopping tips and budget-friendly product recommendations, subscribe to our Stuff We Love newsletter!

Source: https://www.today.com/home/29-funniest-novelty-gifts-year-t142780

[cellulitesolutions1]

Kylie Jenner Takes Her Skin-Baring, Events-Attending Job Very Seriously

Pinterest Xavier Collin/IPA/Splash News Online It seems that in the vacuum of Kim Kardashian‘s social media absence, her youngest sister Kylie Jenner has stepped up to take upon herself the family’s daily duties of posting a minimum of 10 selfies per day, attending a different high profile event every night of the week, and while doing so, finding new ways to pioneer wearing less. And on Tuesday night, Kylie more than met her responsibilities head-on, attending the second annual Marie Claire Image Maker Awards in L.A. honoring Balmain creative director and Kylie’s date for the evening, Olivier Rousteing, in a very complicated, skin-baring dress from the designer. The second-annual event was held to honor a number of industry greats in addition to the designer, including hairstylist Chris McMillan, Mark Townsend, and Kari Hill, makeup artist Pati Dubroff, Kate Lee, and Daniel Martin, and stylist Christine Ehrlich. But of course, the man of the hour was Rousting, who was celebrated for bringing one of France’s most storied fashion houses into the modern social media age. Naturally, the teen arrived wearing a dress straight from the designer’s Resport 2017 collection, a neon purple, elaborately ruffled handkerchief dress with a high collar and what appears to be a matching crop top and skirt, but is in fact one dress connected by a large, single, gold zipper down her back. The skirt as well was really more of a brief/leg warmer combo given that it featured two giant cutouts leaving both her thighs and a touch of derrière totally exposed. The dress in question also happens to be strikingly similar to one Kourtney Kardashian wore to the Angel Ball in November to honor her late father, except her custom iteration came in black and featured a simple bustier top rather than a crop top. While you would think getting all glammed up and attending a big award ceremony on the arm of one of the world’s most famous fashion designers would be enough excitement for one evening, it seems the Lip Kit CEO was only just getting started. As R.Kelly always says, after the party is the after party, which in Kylie’s case means a quick outfit change and a Lambo ride with her boyfriend Tyga over to L.A. hotspot The Nice Guy. To grab drinks with her beau, the cosmetics purveyor changed out of her frilly formalwear and into a sleek white tuxedo shirt-inspired dress with an open mandarin collar, plunging neckline almost to her navel and a thigh high slit that comes up to meet it. She kept the rest of her look equally simple with white satin heels and a plain black box clutch. Unfortunately, Kylie seems to have forgotten that date nights always mean matching with the vehicle you arrive in, but thankfully Tyga was able to make up for it wearing a sweater and t-shirt in shades of Lamborghini yellow. What do you think of Kylie’s two going out looks? Which is your favorite? Sound off below!

Kylie Jenner Takes Her Skin-Baring, Events-Attending Job Very Seriously is available on cellulitesolutions.org

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